Episode
by BoydBlog
Summary: Bella Swan is a writer that is on a trip of a lifetime. Edward Cullen is a famous actor, whose life is a blur of film-sets, hotels and screaming fans. A destined encounter and a battle of mind over matter erupt amongst sensual music and a shared longing.
1. Treble Clef

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

The bar was becoming crowded and noisy. I loved working amongst the buzz of laughter and clinking glasses. The vibe of a bar was usually perfect, but it seemed as though the entire population of twenty-somethings had decided that this, seemingly uncool hotel bar, was the current hot spot in Vancouver.

I had been in the bar for two hours and had spread my paraphernalia—pens, notes, laptop—across the table. I sensed someone was watching me and I felt suddenly self-conscious and anxious. When I looked up, two gorgeous young things with the shortest of mini skirts were waiting expectantly and ready to pounce and claim my table. If only I knew of a quieter and a less crowded bar in which to write.

I also wondered why this bar was suddenly so packed on this particular night. I'd been coming here for five nights, and it had never been this busy, not even on the weekend. Something must be happening tonight. The mostly female patrons were animated and giggly and dressed to impress.

It was a Tuesday; maybe it was happy hour? I looked at clock on my laptop. It was 11:47pm.

_Can't be happy hour, surely?_

I attempted to gather my papers in order, and before I had even closed the lid on my laptop, the two slim wanna-be super-models dived towards me.

"Are you leaving?" they immediately placed their rather fruity but non-potent looking cocktails on the table and then stood straight and possessive.

"Yes, feel free to sit down" I smiled, and hastily assembled everything into my bag. I sculled the last dregs of my wine and headed through a sea of scantily clad bodies out the door.

Once I hit the lobby, the sound morphed from noisy bar to the whisperings of classical Debussy playing softly throughout the hotel's hidden speakers.

I paused. I didn't want to go back to my hotel room to write. I needed people around me, people to observe, people to make noise and interact. I couldn't write a thing cooped up alone in my room.

I trudged over to the concierge desk. It was Mike on duty. He was sweet and very helpful and I was sure he could suggest somewhere local I could go to get what I needed.

"Hi Mike!"

"Good evening Ms Swan, enjoying your evening?"

"Well, I'm busy with writing, but the bar is just so crowded tonight, and I can't really justify taking up a whole table to myself. There is obviously something exciting happening, and what I really need is somewhere not so crowded, but with people and a bar, and um, somewhere close-by, as I usually work through the night, and want it to be easy to come back to my room. Can you suggest any bars locally that fit the bill?"

I didn't know why I gave him so much information. I had the habit of rambling incessantly, especially to people that I didn't know well.

He looked pensive for a moment and then he leaned in and said, "We have a private bar on the 25th floor, it's open 24 hours and is only used by our VIP guests."

Mike leaned behind the desk and held up a purple unmarked swipe card. "Of course, I get to make the call on who is a VIP guest, so here". He handed it to me and smiled. "I think you'll find it an inspiring place to write and they have a larger selection of Australian wines than the lobby bar."

"Thanks heaps Mike!"

I had mentioned to Mike that I was homesick the first night I arrived. He had smiled at me knowingly and after I had set myself up in the lobby bar, a young waiter had approached my table with a bottle of Brokenwood Chardonnay 'with compliments'. I could have kissed him (and Mike), but instead I'd handed him a generous tip and thanked him about twenty times. It was amazing how much work I had gotten done once I had the familiar bottle in an ice bucket on my table.

Mike's smile interrupted me from my reverie and he stepped out from behind the concierge desk and guided me to the lift.

"Simply swipe the card over the card reader and press 25. The bar is at the end of the hall on the right. It doesn't look like a bar from the outside; just go on in. I'll let the bar-staff know you're on your way up." And with that, the lift doors opened and he told me to enjoy my evening.

Once in the lift I swiped the card and pressed the button for the 25th floor. I hadn't given Mike a tip. I think I should have, but I didn't know. I was still trying to get my head around what the etiquette was for tipping, but hey, he knew I was from Australia, so I'm sure he wasn't offended. I mentally reminded myself to give him one the next time I saw him.

I walked down the hall and looked at the door at the end. The only indication that I was in the right spot was a purple rectangular plaque on the door. It was the exact same shade of purple as the swipe card.

_Wow, this must be a really exclusive bar_.

I swiped the card and pushed on the door. When I stepped inside I was blown away.

The room was expansive, but my eyes were instantly drawn to the floor-to-ceiling glass windows, revealing the city lights beyond. The shiny glass also reflected back the muted ceiling lights. There were intimate circular booths with glass-topped tables that were scattered around the outside of the room. The bar was on the far right along the wall. In the middle of the room stood a shiny black grand piano and a square of parquetry dance floor. The carpet was a rich burgundy and little candles in red glass holders flickered on each table. There were low plush chairs with knee height circular tables in clusters along the breadth of the glass windows. Beyond the glass was an intimate balcony, accessed by double glass doors that were propped open.

"Good evening Ms Swan."

A young and handsome waiter greeted me and offered to take my bag. He looked like he should be on the cover of a men's health magazine. His crystal clear blue eyes sparkled; his dirty blonde hair was pulled back neatly into a slick ponytail, secured at the nape of his neck. His lips kind of curled up at the sides in a smile that looked a little sexy. You could see the strain of his white cotton shirt across his broad shoulders. I could only imagine what a magnificently buff specimen he was underneath that shirt. I blushed at the thought.

"Hello."

I gingerly handed my bag strap to him and he led me to a booth that had a spectacular view of the room. It was the only table that didn't have a candle. Instead, it had a bright halogen light illuminating it, making the shiny black glass reflect a soft glow. I sat down and scooted across the deep red velvet upholstery to sit in the middle, my hands stretched out running across the lip of the table. It was the most opulent environment I think I'd ever been in. I looked over the piano admiring the view of the city lights beyond.

The waiter placed my bag delicately on the seat next to me.

"Please let me know if I can get you anything," he said, handing me the wine list that was luxuriously bound in red leather.

"Thank you."

I let out the breath I was holding and he casually strode back to the bar. I noticed that the binder was marked with gold ribbon, and when I opened to the marked page the wines were displayed in order of price and the ones highlighted were Australian.

Mike was excellent at his job.

I instantly recognized my favorite and even the price was pretty reasonable. Before I could call the waiter back, he was standing in front of me as if he appeared from thin air, ready to hear my selection.

"I'll have a bottle of the Bridgewater Mill Sauvignon Blanc please."

"Certainly Ms Swan," and he retreated with a smile when I returned the list.

I leant back into the soft velvet and sighed. This was the life: luxury in Vancouver Canada. My mouth watered in anticipation for the wine that would soon be presented to me and I felt instantly re-energized as I hurriedly unpacked my bag: laptop, notes, pen.

It made me giddy to think that just seven days ago I was busily packing in my apartment in Sydney, Australia. I was on the trip of a lifetime, to visit a foreign country with the sole purpose of finishing my novel and using the prize money that I just simply never thought I would win.

How lucky could a girl get?

~0~

I visited the 'purple' bar every night at about 10pm. I knew I really should have gotten over my jet lag by now and been living on Vancouver time, but I was on a writing roll and I didn't want to disrupt it. There is nothing worse than writer's block.

The bar was fantastic, and even though it had some quiet times where I was the only guest, from around 10:30pm-2am the odd VIP or two sauntered in to sip expensive whiskey or champagne as they watched the city lights and then they would disappear onto the small balcony to smoke cigars or cigarettes and then saunter in to finish their drinks.

There were no more than five people in the bar at any time. The guests were not at all like the fashionistas in the lobby bar. I had observed they were generally older businessmen in very expensive looking suits, or elderly American couples that were obviously retired and traveling. I hadn't really seen another guest that was younger than about fifty-five. At home, I would have called this the old fogies bar. However, I welcomed the change and didn't feel uncomfortable without people of my own age present. In fact, I think I preferred it. They left me be and I didn't feel the need to socialize, or worry about what I was wearing.

I was in writer's heaven, I could just sit and it all came to me so easily. I had to stop only to take a savoring sip of my wine, nibble on some cashews, or use the very luxurious ladies room.

For the last few days, I hadn't really left the hotel. I would write all night, and then crawl into bed and sleep the day away, only being re-energized again to get up, showered, dressed and catch a meal in the restaurant downstairs or call room service before gliding up to the bar itching to write and drink in the atmosphere.

Pouring the last glass from my bottle of Vintage Croser, I let it drip, drip, drip into my flute and I stashed it back in the ice bucket, neck down. I closed my eyes as I slowly sipped; savoring with pure delight the memories it brought back to me of home. Then I sighed, placed my glass on the table and continued to write. I hadn't even looked at the time, and even though my eyes felt dry and tired, I told myself to just keep going and let it all come out.

I assumed it was pretty late, but I just didn't want to stop when it was flowing so freely. Then I noticed someone was hovering over me and I looked up into the face of the waiter, who had been taking care of me since that first night that I was privileged enough to use my purple swipe card.

"Excuse me Ms Swan, but would you mind if one of our other guests played the piano. Would that be a disturbance to you?" He smiled.

I glanced over his shoulder to see the figure of a man seated with his back to me at the piano. There was a Heineken on a napkin on a little wooden stool next to the piano bench and he was swigging from the bottle, placing it on the stool and then almost instantly swigging from the bottle again. He seemed either really impatient or really stressed out.

"I don't mind at all. I think I'm too tired to continue writing for much longer, plus, if he's any good, that would be a pleasant way to end my evening."

Why was it that I tried to sound sophisticated in this place, it was so funny to me? Everyone was so nice, and my Australian accent sounded so primitive when they were all speaking so eloquently. If I was back home I would have said, "No worries, let him play, don't mind me," or something just as casual.

"I will let him know. Thank you Ms Swan. May I get you something else from the bar?" I looked up and my glass was empty and the bucket and upturned bottle had disappeared.

"Oh, yes, could I have a mineral water please?"

"Certainly." He turned on his heel and approached the pianist, who handed the waiter his empty bottle and then stretched his fingers. He gently strained his neck from left to right and shrugged his shoulders in preparation to play. He was wearing a black leather jacket, and a tatty looking black baseball cap. I could only see the back of him, but I knew instantly that he was young - well, younger than any of the previous guests had been. I wondered if he'd also been put-off by the crowds in the lobby bar, or if he'd requested this bar because he knew of the piano?

I quickly went back to re-read my last paragraph. I had decided I would have the water and call it a night.

Then the music started and I was awestruck.

It was simply the most beautiful piece of music I had ever heard. I tried to recall if I had ever been in a room sitting no more than five meters from a grand piano and I just couldn't think of a time.

Then I suddenly remembered one Christmas, shopping with my mother Renee at David Jones on Elizabeth Street and hearing the piano in the cosmetics section on the ground floor. I would have been about eight and I was mesmerized then, but the piano version of Silent Night had nothing on this composition. It was inspiring.

Instinctively, I grabbed my notebook and pen, just as the waiter placed a purple napkin on my table next to my laptop and then the glass of mineral water.

Words started to form as I listened, and I closed my eyes and let the music overtake me.

I noticed how he played, and after a few repetitions, I noticed he'd started from the beginning and then I recognized the change, the chorus? I was not musical, but I could identify two verses, a chorus and then two verses and then it sort of started again and he was playing as if he was trying to get it just right, a couple of missed keys, but seamlessly he'd pick it right back up. The whole time he was playing, words swirled in my mind and I just started writing them down and humming in my head.

I felt like I was possessed. I felt like I was connected to someone else and it felt surprisingly calming and surreal. I felt like there was a magnetic pull, or an electrical charge in the air. My body tingled and broke into goose bumps.

Then, the music stopped.

I had absolutely no concept of time or space in that instant. How long had he been playing? I looked down at the page of words in my notebook. I looked up to see the pianist slowly rise and drain another bottle of Heineken. He bent slightly and placed the bottle back on the wooden stool, and then sauntered with his shoulders hunched from the room. The door to the purple bar clicked closed softly, and I crashed out of my trance with a glorious THUD.

What. Was. That?

I felt like I had just woken from a dream. Was I asleep, was I awake? God, I must be so tired.

I looked at the time on my laptop, and saw it was 3:24am. No wonder I was hallucinating words and spaced-out. I downed my water and gathered my things. Did I just imagine that guy playing the most hypnotic and sensual music I had ever heard? _I need to get to bed. Now_.

I staggered from exhaustion and slight intoxication to the lift and descended to my room on the 8th floor. I dumped my bag just inside the door, and hastily brushed my teeth, changed into my tank top and matching cotton pajama pants and crawled into the crisp white hotel sheets. As I lay in bed, I hummed the melody to the hypnotic music and I drifted soundly to sleep.

~0~

I woke with a start the next morning…or was it already afternoon? I looked at the clock; it was 4:10pm and I was starving!

I ordered a club sandwich and a banana smoothie from room service and flicked on MTV. I snagged my bag off the floor dumped the contents on my unmade bed and then remembered the pages in my notebook.

I didn't imagine that music last night. I could remember the melody like it was burned into my soul. I grabbed the remote and muted the TV. I looked again at my notebook.

They were song lyrics.

He played and while he played I wrote down lyrics. I re-read them, and I sung the words to the melody still ringing in my head. I was gob-smacked.

Last night I had written lyrics to a song!

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I hated night shoots. I was so hyped up and it was 3am! I knew when I got back to the hotel I wouldn't be able to sleep. I needed a beer or two and I needed to unwind. The driver pulled up right outside the hotel doors. I remembered the VIP bar on the 25th floor from the last time I had stayed at this hotel, so I rushed to the concierge after bolting from the paparazzi and with my eyes still ghosting the flashes from their onslaught, I asked him for a purple swipe card.

"Certainly Mr Paul."

I never checked in as myself, but that didn't really matter. It seemed as though every person in Vancouver knew I was staying here and knew who I was. I could hear a gaggle of females near the entrance to the lobby bar. I had to get out of here.

"Thank you." I handed him a twenty as he slipped me the swipe card and I practically ran to the elevator. Level 25, Heineken. _I'll play the piano to chill myself the fuck out._

When I walked in, there was only one person there. She stood out like a Christmas tree. She was seated at the best booth in the room, but instead of the muted candle lighting on her table she had a full-blown spotlight shined on her, and I noticed her table covered in papers and an Apple Powerbook.

She was savoring the last drops of liquid from a very sophisticated champagne flute with her eyes closed and a slight smile on her lips. She looked about my age, possibly younger, probably twenty-two? She was extremely attractive, but looked very tired, just like I felt.

I looked at my iPhone; it was 3:08am. What kind of psycho would be working in a VIP bar at this hour? Maybe she was still a student? At least she didn't look like a fangirl; she must be pretty important to be in here, she must be an important business woman. I thought I was safe to assume she wouldn't ask me for an autograph, but it was more likely that she would. I'd never seen anyone younger than fifty in this bar before. It made me nervous.

I scanned the room briefly to see an elderly man smoking a cigar on the balcony. _FUCK. _I patted my jacket pockets, and then the front of my jeans.

_I left my goddamn smokes in my trailer again._

The bar guy was headed towards me with an icy Heineken on a tray_. God I love how they can just remember what I like._

"Good evening Mr Paul," he said as he handed me the liquid gold.

"Hi, thanks so much, I really need this," I took a huge gulp and motioned towards the piano.

"I'll just ask Ms Swan if she objects, Mr Paul. I'll be right back." Great, what if she 'objects', I didn't have any smokes and my fingers were itching to play. If she said no, I was fucked.

I sat down at the piano anyway, and they had already set up a little stool next to the piano bench with a purple napkin for my beer. I lifted the lid to reveal the glistening piano keys. I just needed to play, I needed to calm myself down, or there was no way I could sleep. I took another swig from the bottle, and placed it on the stool.

_Shit, I may as well just finish it off, and get another_.

Just like that, the bar guy returned and I handed him my empty bottle.

"Please feel free to play Mr Paul, I'll get you a replacement."

_Thank fuck for that._

I stretched my fingers and took a deep breath. The song was almost complete, I just needed to work out the middle bridge, and it would be perfect. As soon as my fingers caressed the keys I was instantly soothed. It all came to me, it was instinctual, it was sensual. It was a perfectly composed piece of music.

If only I could think of words to go with it. I just knew I needed to get the music down and then I could work on some lyrics. I could ask Ben to help me out; he would make the time to help me, especially if he knew that I could guarantee that it went on the soundtrack. Maybe Jasper could help me, but he was so busy now, his career taking off, that I'd feel bad asking him.

I glanced over to the balcony; the old dude was still puffing away on his cigar.

_God, I can't believe I left my smokes in my trailer, again. I think I have a few in a pack in my room._

The bar guy returned with another icy Heineken.

_Let me just get this composition right and I'll finish this beer and go and have one last smoke before bed. I can't believe I have to be up and on set by 6am._

I had only arrived in Vancouver two days ago. My filming schedule was hectic, but this movie shoot would be comparatively short really. I'd be here for around four months. Today had been the first official day of shooting, as we had finished wardrobe and make-up tests yesterday. The director seemed like an OK guy. I hadn't worked with him before. It usually took me a few days of shooting to determine a director's style and how pedantic they would be. I needed more time with this one to work him out.

I continued to play and I tried to calm myself, but it just wasn't working. I could feel the business woman's eyes boring into my back and I had a horrible feeling that she was going to come up to me as soon as I stopped playing to take my photo or ask for an autograph.

And then, I got it. It was perfect. I started from the beginning and played it flawlessly until the last key stoke. It was completed. I sighed.

_I did it!_ I mentally visualized the notes in my mind, I wouldn't forget.

I slowly stood and drained the bottle, placed the empty back on the stool.

_I better get out of here now while I can. I'll come back tomorrow to play. I really need to have a smoke._

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I sat staring at the wine list with trepidation. What if he didn't come back to play? What if he laughed at me? What if the song he had played had been a number one hit all around the world? Just because I had never heard anything like it, doesn't mean that it didn't exist.

Maybe it was only a hit in Canada. No, surely, if it had been a hit, I would have heard it in Australia. I'd spent all afternoon in the music store humming the tune to the staff, but none of them knew what it was or had ever heard of it.

I had transcribed the lyrics that I had written last night and named it 'Episode' because 'Psychotic-trance lyrics' sounded dicky, and that was the only way I could think about what happened to me last night when I went into that trance and wrote those lyrics. I had suffered an 'episode'.

They were perfectly typed and printed out and the page was on top of the table in front of me.

I sat in the 'purple' bar but just couldn't make a decision. I couldn't decide what I wanted to drink tonight. I couldn't start writing. My mind was a mess. The only thing I could think of was the mysterious pianist and that haunting 'love' song for want of a better word. I kept looking down at the page of lyrics. I kept hearing the piano music in my mind.

_It was a love song, sort of. Well, the words were lovey, but sad, and sort of psychotic…like the episode itself. _

I couldn't stop humming and singing it in my head and it was counter-productive to getting my work done.

_I'm just going to have to give him these lyrics and then, I'll be able to go back to my writing. Maybe I should ask him first, whether the music has lyrics and if they do, then I won't give him mine._

God, this was torturous.

The waiter approached me, expectant for my selection. I'd had something different all week and now I just couldn't make up my mind.

"I'm sorry, I don't know your name?" I blurted. He had never introduced himself and he didn't wear a name badge like Mike the concierge.

He looked at me and smiled, "Ms Swan, my name is James. What can I get for you this evening?"

"Umm, I'm not sure. I can't decide tonight. I think you should just surprise me; I'm not myself," _God, now I even sound psychotic_.

"May I suggest the Bridgewater Mill Sauvignon Blanc? It was the first bottle you selected, so it must be one you enjoy?" he smiled.

"Yes," I breathed out in relief.

_God that wasn't hard. Why am I feeling stressed over choosing a bottle of wine?_

"Um, James, can I ask you something?" I felt on-edge and a little like a stalker. I knew I couldn't just ask him who the mystery VIP was; I knew he couldn't tell me, even if he wanted to.

"Certainly, I'll do my best to answer Ms Swan."

"The gentleman that was playing the piano last night? The song he played, I just can't get it out of my head, and I was wondering if you knew what it was called or who composed it?"

"I'm sorry Ms Swan, I hadn't heard that particular song before. I'm afraid I can't tell you who composed it. I'm sure the gentleman will come back to play. Maybe you can ask him directly. He is quite used to being approached by other guests." James tried to hide a smirk, but he let it slip and I just gaped at him trying to decipher his meaning. He suddenly composed himself. "I'll be right back with your wine."

So, 'other guests' approached him. What does that mean? Maybe he was famous or something? I never saw his face, so I can't say that I would know who he was, but that little smirk meant something. Oh well, it was pointless trying to work it all out. I had to just give him the lyrics and then get back to my novel. I'd be doing so well, I couldn't let the music consume me.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I scrambled into the elevator and up to my room on the 34th floor. Today had been a good day. I felt like I had achieved something and I got off set at a reasonable hour. I looked at the digital clock next to the huge king sized bed. It was 10:45pm. I could go down to the bar, play some piano, have a smoke on the balcony a couple of beers. Maybe I could start to think about the lyrics for the song, now that the composition was perfect.

I grabbed my smokes and the purple swipe card and headed to the elevator. OK, it was a Thursday night. I'd have work tomorrow, get to sleep in on Saturday morning and then off to see Ben play that night, sleep all day Sunday, back at work at 5am Monday morning.

_It's beer O'Clock!_

I walked into the bar and scanned the room. I always did this. My instincts were honed. It usually took one look and I knew if I was going to be accosted. My eyes instantly traveled to the spot lit table. No way, the table still covered with papers and that Apple Powerbook. No tired business woman though. An ice bucket and half a glass of wine on the table, she was probably either on the balcony or in the _Ladies_. I looked out to the small balcony, same old dude sucking on that cigar. There were two middle-aged Armani suits doing a deal in the corner, drinking hard liquor.

_And here comes my best friend with my icy Heineken._

"Good evening Mr Paul."

I took the Heineken and guzzled half the bottle in one gulp.

"Thanks. I don't suppose I can play tonight?"

"Certainly Sir. I'm sure it will be fine" He motioned with a nod towards the business woman's table. "One of our other guests inquired about the piece of music you played last night. She wanted to know the title of the song and who composed it? If you like I could tell her, so that she doesn't approach you directly?"

_Wow, so the attractive business woman liked the song? _

That was a bonus; she was in the target demographic for the film. Well it didn't have a name, so yes, he might as well tell her, so she didn't try to hit on me.

"The song doesn't have a name yet. I composed it myself. It's still coming together. Really, it's not entirely finished."

"I'll let her know," and he walked towards the bar.

I sat at the piano, placed my Heineken on the little stool and started playing. I played it all the way through, no mistakes and then I took another swig of beer and played it again. The Armani suit dudes kept on talking; they didn't even glance my way. The cigar man was leaning on the balcony balustrade, he didn't even register that he heard me playing. But then, I got that feeling, that tingling down my spine, like there was suddenly static electricity in the air. I knew business woman had returned to her table and she was watching me.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I decided I might as well give up tonight. I'd been sitting in front of my notes and laptop stressing about whether he would show up and play, and every time I'd try to write, nothing, nada, complete blank.

_Damn, I knew my writing roll was too good to be true._

I took a slow sip of wine and got up to use the bathroom. _OK_, I mentally berated myself. _Go and ask Mike the super sweet concierge to deliver my lyrics anonymously to the mystery guest and then, that will be it! I can go back and keep writing._

I suspected that just having the lyrics in my possession was what was causing my bout of writers block. Once they were out of my possession, everything would be okay.

I washed my hands and dried them with the soft fluffy hand towel and then squirted on some hand moisturizer when I heard it.

That beautiful song was in my head again.

But it wasn't my head this time. It was _him_ and he was playing the song again and it was even more surreal than last night, because I was standing in the bathroom at the 'purple' bar and I was suddenly extremely nervous at going back to my table.

I took a deep breath.

_Tonight will be a write-off. Go out, pack up your stuff and give him the lyrics on the way out. Then start afresh tomorrow. Easy!_

I slowly walked back to my table; the music was exquisite. I sat down and scooted over to the middle of the circular booth. I grabbed the perfectly typed out lyrics and waited. I looked up to watch him. His torso was rigid and stiff the only movement seemed to come from his elbows down. He would occasionally slightly move his head to the right, or glance up over the piano out to the view. Then the song finished, the last keystroke seemed to reverberate through the air like a wind-chime.

_PLEASE PLAY IT AGAIN_, I yelled mentally.

I just wanted to sing along in my head. I watched as he took another swig of his beer and then, just like I wished in my head, he played the song again.

I took a look at the paper and I started singing the first verse, the second, into the chorus, the third verse, the bridge (wow he had fine tuned it slightly) and then final verse. I sighed.

A single tear formed in my eye. My heart had been pumping in my chest a million miles and hour.

He got up, grabbed his beer and fumbled for something his pocket. _Cigarettes, yuck_. He sauntered outside to the balcony. _Okay, when he comes back I'll give him the lyrics and then go._

I took a sip of wine then I started packing away my things. I felt sweaty and lightheaded. I'd been feeling anxious all night. Maybe I was coming down with something. Or maybe I just needed another drink. I topped my wine glass up and sculled it entirely.

I've never written lyrics before and I wasn't even sure if he would want them, or even if the song needed to have any in the first place. I shouldn't let that stop me, because I felt that there was something in that 'episode' and something was internally screaming at me to just do what I said I would do. So I closed the laptop lid, slid it into my bag, and gathered my notebook and pen. Everything was packed away except the sheet of crisp white paper with my lyrics.

Just as I went to scoot over to get out of the booth, James stood before me smiling.

"Excuse me Ms Swan, I took the liberty of asking the gentleman about the song. He wrote it himself, though he said it's not finished. It does not have a title."

"Oh, thanks James." _Okay, no title, maybe no lyrics then?_

"Can I get you anything else from the bar?" he asked.

"No, I was just leaving, but I'll see you tomorrow." I shuffled along the booth and looked up to see that the pianist had returned, and he stretched his shoulder blades together and started playing the song again.

I sat there in awe. I closed my eyes and sang along in my head. And in that three minutes, I knew that it was the right thing to do.

If he didn't want them, he could throw them away. I knew that song would be with me forever, regardless. It was stamped into my brain and into my soul, and I knew that there would be a way to break from the writers' block. Maybe I'd just have to find a new bar to write in.

_Okay, this is it!_ As he played the final verse, I stood up, flung my bag strap over my shoulder and walked over to the piano.

~0~

**A/N: Reviews are so much better than an icy Heineken.**


	2. Semiquaver

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

_Okay, I know it is right. It's perfect. I can start on the lyrics now_.

I never seemed to have problems with the music; it's always the lyrics that give me a headache_. I just need a smoke_. I stood up; made sure they were in my pocket and strode out to the little balcony. The cigar dude still puffed away. I lit the cigarette and he nodded politely, but turned back to the view. Not talkative. This was fine by me.

I dragged on the filter and sighed to myself. Who was I kidding? There wasn't a single idea in my head on what to write. I knew they wouldn't let me get away with just an instrumental on the soundtrack. They specifically told me that people would want to hear my voice singing my song, and even though I really wanted to keep my music life separate from my acting, I would be an absolute tool to pass up this opportunity.

This acting career was everything I thought I wanted. I had made a ton of money. I had the pick of scripts now that I had proven what I could do. But none of it was fulfilling. I was lying to myself. I was not happy. I was living from day to day on an insane schedule. I hadn't had more than a two days off in over five months. I was mentally exhausted. I needed to write this music as a distraction, as something to look forward to, something that I enjoyed doing, something to keep me sane.

I was going to be prisoner in this hotel for sixteen long weeks, and the thought made me want to gag.

I stubbed the cigarette out and placed the butt in the sand filled box. Right, I had a purpose tonight; I would play the song one last time and then get upstairs and start writing some things down.

When I walked back inside, bar guy was talking to the business woman; he had his back to me and completely blocked her from my view.

_I hope he told her about the song so she won't come and hit on me or ask me for an autograph._

I sat down and started playing again, and when I finished I looked up and found myself staring at the business woman. She was standing to my left, with a piece of paper in her hand and her bag over her shoulder.

_Great, she is going to ask me for my autograph. _

Then the feeling I'd had last night came back, a buzzing of static in the air, a tingling feeling ran down my spine. It wasn't entirely unpleasant.

I smiled. I didn't need to be a prick about it, just sign her piece of paper and then she'd leave. But she had this bizarre expression on her face. She looked shocked. Her beautiful wide brown eyes stirred something inside of me. She looked panicky as recognition covered her face, quickly turning to mortification.

"Um, sorry, I, um…" she stuttered and then tried to compose herself.

I wasn't surprised and I kind of smirked. I just seemed to have that effect on women. They would either completely lose all ability to hold a conversation, or bounce up and down while trying to grab and kiss me, or openly flirt while undressing me with their eyes. Business woman was different. It seemed as though I was the last person she expected to see. If she didn't want my autograph, then what did she want from me?

I held out my right hand for her to shake, because I thought it was better than her jumping on me if that was what she intended to do. I assumed if she was a guest of the hotel, she wouldn't embarrass herself, but you could never tell. It was usually the normal looking ones that did the opposite of what you thought they would.

I didn't bother saying my name. I knew she knew exactly who I was. She hastily swapped the piece of paper to her left hand and then shook my hand tentatively. Her hand was warm and soft and smelled like roses. The static increased, and her touch sent a wave of warmth up my arm and into the pit of my stomach.

She pulled her hand away quickly. "Hi, I'm Bella," she smiled and took a deep breath.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, you probably came here to get away from people bothering you. But I just, well when you played your song last night, I sort of went into some freaky trance or something and I started writing down words. I'm a writer, so that type of thing doesn't usually surprise me, but when I snapped out of it and read the words, well they really seemed to be lyrics, and umm, I wasn't sure if your song even had them, and so I just thought I would give them to you." She held the piece of paper out to me and took another deep breath.

She was Australian; her accent was dead sexy, raw, and unpretentious. It seems as though I was wrong about her entirely, she wasn't a business woman at all—she was a writer.

I took the piece of paper. My eyes dropped down to read.

_Episode_

_Lyrics by Bella Swan_

_Music by ?_

_So, she hadn't known who I was when she wrote this?_

"So, um, anyway, I thought I would just give them to you, in case you wanted to read them, and you know if you have lyrics already, then just throw them away, really. I'm so sorry to have bothered you." Her face was no longer pale; it was a shockingly delicious crimson. She turned abruptly and with a slight stumble, hurried out the door.

I looked down again at the paper and started reading the words to 'Episode'. I was completely freaked out. It was exactly what I wanted. It was a love song, but with a little danger, and a little menace.

I jumped up and ran out the door to look for her. Too late, of course she was long gone.

She was obviously a guest, and I knew her name. I could find her tomorrow. I could leave her a note to meet me. I walked slowly back to the piano whilst reading the rest of the words.

I placed the lyrics on the stand and started to play, singing the words in my head. God, they just fit beautifully. I played it again, of course the only change I would make to it would be to change the _he's _to _she's_.

It was my song. My song was complete, and this girl Bella had wrote these in one night, after she'd heard the music what, two or three times?

So, she wasn't just a beautiful Australian, she was a talented and very creative writer and lyricist. She wasn't a stressed out workaholic business woman. How wrong first impressions can be.

I was suddenly extremely intrigued and excited about seeing her again.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

I stabbed the down button for the lift about ten times, and when it finally dinged and the doors opened, I practically fell into it.

_Oh. My. Fucking. God! That was…he was…he is so gorgeous. Oh God! I just completely babbled to him like a moron, an idiot. I couldn't even speak straight and my accent sounded soooo damn irritating and I stuttered and he just looked at me smirking, and looking so God Damn Sexy!_

I got out at my floor and barreled into my room, threw myself onto the bed and screamed with embarrassment into the pillow. I could never face him again. _He must think I'm a complete freak._

_Oh fuck, this is a nightmare! _

I had just stuttered in the face of one of the hottest, most gorgeous and talented young actors that I could have only ever dreamed of or even hoped to meet, and gave him my psychotic words strung loosely together in the form of 'lyrics'. I had made a complete and utter dick of myself.

I was going to have to pack and move to a different hotel.

_Why in the hell did I ever choose Vancouver as the foreign Commonwealth city to use my prize money in? I could have gone to the UK. I could have gone to New Zealand, or Botswana, or Vanuatu, in fact I could have gone to any one of the fifty-three Commonwealth Countries as part of my prize._

I had really, really stuffed this up, big time.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

When I got back to my room, I couldn't even contemplate sleeping, even though I knew I had to be up and in the car by 5am. I kept re-reading the song lyrics. I kept hearing her sexy Australian accent and kept remembering the scent of tea rose as she shook my hand. She was a writer. Bella Swan. She was Australian. God, Alice was going to have an epic fit.

I remembered how mortified she had looked when she recognized me. Did she know I was staying in the hotel? How could she not know? I just could not believe that she would try and fool me. The lyrics were no joke; they were pure perfection, just like her hands, her eyes.

_SHIT_.

I flipped open my Apple Powerbook, opened Safari and googled Bella Swan. Numerous Facebook pages, Myspace, then an entry from BS&P Australia. I clicked on it:

_Bookseller & Publisher: Twenty-three year old Bella Swan from Sydney has won the prestigious Commonwealth Countries young writers award for her entry 'Kick it to me!' Included in this year's prize is $AUD50k to use to spend up to six months in any Commonwealth Country to write. Upon completion of her first novel, Ms Swan will also be granted an exclusive publishing deal with Volturi Press, the largest indie book publisher in Australia. The publishing deal alone is said to be worth in excess of $AUD50k, excluding future royalties._

"_I'm so overwhelmed, I didn't even think that I would have the chance to make the shortlist, let alone win it!" Ms Swan was quoted at the awards dinner, held last night at Rockpool's famous Bar & Grill in Hunter Street, Sydney._

This post was dated just a little over four months ago.

So, she was here after winning a writer's prize. Bella Swan was probably completely freaking out right now and that really was a blush of pure embarrassment. She had absolutely no idea that it was me sitting at the piano and she was writing lyrics to my song. I walked over to the desk and grabbed the hotel stationery. I needed to find Bella and tell her we had to meet to speak about these lyrics.

_Hello Bella,_

_Thank you for the lyrics. They are perfect! I was having so much trouble trying to even start on them. Will you meet me tonight in the bar on Level 25? I have a business proposition for you. I could probably meet you at 10.30pm. I hope that isn't too late. If it is, please leave a note with the concierge and he'll make sure I get it._

_Edward Cullen_

I called the concierge desk.

"Hello Mr Paul, how may I help you this evening?"

"Hi, I was in the bar on Level 25 earlier and I met Bella Swan. I'd like to get a note and a bottle of wine to her. I know you can't tell me her room number, so if I bring the note down to you, would you be able to ensure she gets it in the morning?"

"Certainly Sir. Was there a particular wine you would like her to receive?"

"Would you be able to call the bar? She was drinking something this evening; a bottle of that would be fine." I ran my fingers through my hair and then picked up the note and tapped it frantically on the on the desk.

"Consider it done Sir."

"OK, I'll be right down." I folded the note and put it in an envelope. I was out the door and down to the lobby in a flash. It was 11.30pm. The lobby was relatively busy for a Thursday and it was Mike at the desk.

"Thanks." I handed him the sealed envelope and a crisp $100 bill. That should cover the wine and the delivery, and hopefully his silence. The last thing I needed was for some sleazy tabloid hack to get the story out of him. I could see the headlines now.

I walked briskly back to the elevator and once in my room I opened up my Mac and started transcribing Bella's lyrics into my sheet music for the song. I had already fixed the bridge and, when I had finished I added her name with mine at the top. It looked right. It worked.

I then hauled my microphone from my guitar case in the wardrobe, plugged into the Mac, opened up Pro Tools and started singing. After a few takes I had digitally imported my voice into my computer and was playing it back against the backing guitar melody that I had previously recorded.

I wouldn't play her the song unless she needs convincing. I wanted her to allow me to show the sheet music to the producer and the director. If they liked it, I would get to record it in a studio. I really should record it with the piano as the backing. I could go back up to the bar and take my laptop with me. It was only Midnight. God, I had to be up in five hours. I reluctantly saved it and shut the computer down. I had to get some sleep, or no amount of make-up was going to hide how ragged I felt.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I don't know what time it was when I eventually settled down enough to sleep. But I woke with a start, still in my clothes on top of the bed. I moaned into the pillow. My body was on fire and my heart rate was up.

I had just woken from the most wonderful sex dream ever!

I felt disoriented and anxious. I rolled onto my back and then sat bolt upright and looked at the clock. It was 6am. I was wide-awake.

_Maybe I should get up, and start my day. I need to find another hotel._

Then I heard a squeaking sound outside of my door. I slid off the bed and walked over to take a squiz out of the peep-hole. Nothing. I opened the door slowly and looked down the hallway. Nope, empty and quiet. No maids, no room service breakfast trolleys. I stepped back inside and went to close the door then looked down and there was a parcel with an envelope attached labeled Ms Swan, Room 810.

I knelt down and picked it up. It was a Styrofoam wine box. The envelope was hotel stationary. My heart pounded and I felt red heat travelling from my chest right up to my forehead.

I walked slowly back to my bed, and placed the parcel down. I opened the heavy curtains; the sky had started to lighten.

_Umm, who would be delivering me a bottle of something and a note?_

My heart was still pounding and I was having a mild panic attack. What if it was from him? I needed to calm down before I opened it. My body was still highly strung from that amazing dream. So I turned around and headed straight to the bathroom.

_I'm going to shower, wash my hair, and de-stress myself before I even think about opening that letter._

I was even more agitated when I had gotten in the shower, just knowing that the letter was on my bed. I tried to calm myself in the steamy bathroom, but all I could think about was the dream. Then I started thinking how he looked last night. Edward Cullen.

_I shook hands with Edward Fuck-Hawt Cullen!_

He looked so much better in real life. His skin was amazing; you could see the slightest shadow of facial hair. His lips were gorgeously inviting. He smelled intoxicating, the sexy masculine hint of cologne that had faded over the course of the day. I remembered how my whole body felt like it was vibrating from pleasure when I shook his hand. It was warm and soft, and my hand felt so small in his grasp. It was like an electrical current had travelled up my arm and through my body. It felt amazing. It felt too good; I remember how I'd yanked my hand away in shock at the intensity.

_URGH._

I hadn't realized what I had started doing until my body did actually vibrate from the wholly unexpected climax I had achieved just using my hand—remembering my dream and my brief real-life encounter with Edward Cullen—under the steady and steamy jet in the shower.

When I had dried myself off and my heart rate had slowed I put my pajamas on. There was no way I was ready to leave my room. I sat in the middle of the bed and opened the wine box. It was a bottle of Bridgewater Mill, the same label I was drinking last night. I anxiously opened the envelope and pulled out a folded note. My stomach was growling, from hunger and nervousness. I took a deep breath and read:

_Hello Bella,_

_Thank you for the lyrics. They are perfect. I was having so much trouble trying to even start on them. Will you meet me tonight in the bar on Level 25? I have a business proposition for you. I could probably meet you at 10:30pm. I hope that isn't too late. If it is, please leave a note with the concierge and he'll make sure I get it._

_Edward Cullen_

Even his handwriting was flawless.

_Business proposition_.

He just wanted to meet me to talk about _business_. The word sounded formal and bland, nothing to do with the thoroughly unmentionable things that we did to each other in my dream last night.

What did I expect? Did I want him to wine and dine me and tell me I was the best damn writer he had ever met? In my dreams…in my fantasies…yes. Like millions of other women on the planet. Ha. God, I was pathetic. He was an Adonis, he had a girlfriend, he needed lyrics and mine were 'perfect'—his words.

I will go to this 'business meeting' and see what he has to say. Last night I hadn't even given him the opportunity to open his luscious and gorgeous mouth. I will conduct myself professionally and I won't ramble on.

Determinedly, I grabbed my notebook and planned my day.

I wrote a list of what I needed to achieve before meeting with him. I phoned room service. I ordered toasted muesli with yoghurt and fruit and then I called the Day Spa. I had an appointment at 3pm. I would eat, go back to sleep for a few hours and then get pampered and try to relax before I met him. The last thing I needed was to go to this meeting all riled up and stressed out.

I could do this. I would listen to what he wanted to tell me. I'd let him run the meeting and I would do my best to hide the ever compounding and overwhelming desire to hear him play the piano again. I would not let my imagination run away with me. He was just an ordinary famous guy. No big deal. Right?

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I was hanging around waiting for everything to be set up for me to run through my lines. I need to get out of here. We were running way over schedule because of the rain. I asked one of the crew the time.

_Fuck, it's already 10:05pm. There's no way that I'm going to make it back to the hotel in time to meet Bella at 10:30pm. _

I couldn't use my cell, it was in my trailer, and there was probably no reception here anyway. I didn't want her to assume I had stood her up. What was I thinking?

_It's not a date. I just need to talk to her about the song._

But the thought of her nervous and waiting for me in the bar was almost too much to bear. It was 11pm before we finished up and I ran to my trailer. As soon as the make-up artist left after helping me remove the gunk and my contacts, I called the hotel and asked for Mike, the concierge.

"Hi Mike, it's err, Mr Paul."

"Yes Mr Paul, how can I help you?"

"I'm due to meet Bella Swan in the bar and I'm thirty minutes late. I was wondering if you could get a message to her for me. I'm stuck on set…I mean at work, and I won't be able to meet her until midnight."

"Certainly Mr Paul. I'll call up to the bar now and ensure Ms Swan receives the message and is looked after until you can join her."

"Thank you. If she can't make it, please call me back on my cell? I don't want her to have to wait for me if it's too late for her."

What would I do if she didn't want to wait? I couldn't go another night without seeing her. I had to. I would be a nervous wreck.

"I understand. What is your cell phone number Mr Paul?"

I gave him my number, just as the driver knocked on the trailer door to say the car would be ready in five minutes. Mike said he would call me either way within the next ten minutes. I undressed and got into my jeans and a fresh T-shirt. I would probably have time to go back to my room before I met her, unless she had decided not to wait. I wouldn't blame her if she left.

I grabbed my leather jacket and walked to the car. My bodyguard Emmett held the door open for me. Two of my co-stars were already waiting in the car. Both were looking tired and unreceptive to chatter. I leaned back in the leather and closed my eyes.

I thought of Bella. I'd keep our meeting professional. I'd try not to persuade her. This had to be her decision. Handing me her lyrics in a hotel bar was one thing, but having our names associated forever as copyright holders to a song was another matter entirely.

My iPhone vibrated in my pocket.

"Hello?"

"Mr Paul, it's Mike from the concierge desk. Ms Swan has been notified of the new time and she said she would be happy to wait for you."

"Thanks."

"You are very welcome." The phone disconnected.

I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

_She's going to be there._

My phone vibrated again and I looked at the display. My favorite picture of my twin sister Alice popped up on the screen.

I really couldn't speak to her right now. I knew why she was calling and I knew I'd have to speak to her sooner or later, but I just couldn't face her questioning. I really didn't have anything to tell her yet. I let the phone vibrate. I could only imagine the expletives I'd hear when I eventually listened to her message.

I relaxed in the seat again. The drive usually took forty minutes. I must have dozed off, because the flashes from the paps' cameras startled me awake as the car rolled up to the hotel entrance. Emmett shielded us as we rushed out of the car and ran into the safety of the foyer. Mike nodded to me from the concierge desk as I rushed to the elevator.

I had ten minutes. I'll go to my room and have a smoke and get my shit together before I meet her. I felt like an absolute mess. She would see straight through me. No, I can do this. I can speak to her in a bar. I could hide my excitement about seeing her. I could be cool and detached. I would be cool and detached, even though the pit of my stomach felt tight with the sweet anticipation of seeing and actually speaking to her, to Bella.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I could do this. He was just an ordinary guy that happened to be gorgeous and chose to be an actor to make a living, just like I had chosen to be a writer.

He was an actor who physically and mentally becomes a character to portray their emotions and life experiences on film. I created characters to portray their emotions and life experiences in stories.

I knew that he could play the piano and the guitar and I recalled hearing him sing, maybe on TV? He had an exceptionally sexy soul voice. I was a pretty great cook and could converse confidently on Australian literature. What's the big deal? Argh!

We came from totally different cultural backgrounds and had completely different life experiences and had lived in different countries and had different accents, but essentially we were both people, and his star status should not intimidate me. He always seemed personable and humble in the interviews I'd seen. He didn't actively seek the spotlight like so many other douchebag actors. This was a business meeting and I would listen to what he had to say.

I had decided that I wasn't going to drink tonight. I would never turn up to a business meeting with alcohol in my system, so when James had asked what I wanted, I ordered mineral water.

I had tried to write when I had arrived here at 10pm, but that damn writers block was back and I couldn't concentrate, so I had spent the last hour writing lists. I write lists when I'm nervous. It calms me down.

I really shouldn't be that worked up, even though he was thirty minutes late. I knew that he probably got held up on set and it's not like he would carry a phone with him while filming. The note did say '_probably_ 10:30pm.' It's just that I got all panicky when I thought of him just walking in the door at any time, and taking me by surprise. In fact, whenever the door did open, I felt hot and breathless.

I took a sip of water and closed my eyes. I remembered the day spa. I'd had the works. My body had been scrubbed and polished to within an inch of my life. I glowed, healthy and natural, so I had only put on a little mascara and my favorite pale nude lipstick. I was wearing one of my favorite tops; red with the most gorgeous silk sleeves that sat on the crease above my elbows. It had a very flattering square neckline. I was also wearing my most comfortable black skinny jeans and my red Lacoste ballet flats. I had smothered myself in my favorite French perfume. Thirty minutes was an acceptable time to be late…that is if he was going to show at all.

"Excuse me Ms Swan," James smiled down at me. "Mr Paul called the hotel. He has been held up, but will endeavor to be here by midnight. If you are unable to wait, I can get a message to him."

"Mr Paul?" I questioned. I must have looked confused.

James smirked and leaned down to me in a hushed voice. "Mr Paul, the gentleman that plays the piano," he winked.

"Oh," I breathed. "Okay, that's fine. I'll wait."

Did Edward Cullen really go by a fake name? It seemed laughable; didn't everyone on the planet know who he was?

"Can I bring you something else from the bar?"

I looked at the clock on my laptop. He would be here in another fifty minutes or so. My nerves weren't going to take it.

"Yes please. I'll have a gin and tonic with lemon and lime. Thanks James." _There goes my no alcohol vow._

James smiled again and walked away. I picked up my clutch purse, shuffled along the booth and headed for the bathroom. I must have had about a liter of mineral water. I stood at the mirror and looked at myself. Under the soft lighting I did look great. My hair was arranged in long silken curls, my skin was still glowing, lips needed touching up, so I pulled out my pale nude lippy and dotted it on. I smelt my wrists, yep, I was perfumed but not in an overpowering way. I checked my teeth, nope, no food bits. I sighed.

_This is not a date; I look fine. I can do this, I have the confidence, he's just an ordinary guy._

I washed my hands and used that lovely rose scented moisturizer again before heading back to my table. My G&T was waiting for me. I slowly packed away my laptop and papers, there was no way I could do any writing now, and I placed my bag under the table. I leant back and closed my eyes, sipping the G&T and chanting internally—_he's just an ordinary guy_, _he's just an ordinary guy, he is just an ordinary guy._

Then there was only one thing I could think about, and that was the song. The music took over and I hummed the words in my head. It was beautiful. It was a hit song. No, not a hit, it was a classic. One of those songs that would never age.

_He's just an ordinary guy._

_He's just an ordinary guy._

I don't know how long I sat there and meditated to calm my nerves. When I opened my eyes, the room seemed darker, and I glanced up to see that the usually bright halogen above the table had been dimmed to a soft glow. Of course it had been bright for me when I was working, but now that I had packed away my laptop, James must assume I'm meeting Edward here on a date!

I looked around to the bar to call to James, but he was across the other side of the piano, taking an order from two distinguished businessmen, their briefcases sitting on the floor, their ties loosened.

Then the bar door opened and Edward Cullen walked in. He looked straight at me, and the smile that lit up his face also lit up the entire room. I didn't need that super bright halogen after all. I couldn't help but automatically smile in response.

_He's just an ordinary guy_. _He's just an ordinary FUCKING BEAUTIFUL guy!_

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

Who was I kidding? As soon as I got in the elevator I swiped the card and pressed 25. I wasn't going to keep her waiting another minute. _I_ didn't want to wait another minute. I was desperate and anxious to know if she would let me use the lyrics. Now that I had read them, there was no way I could write something else. I wanted to sing Bella Swan's exact words.

I stopped at the door to the bar and took a deep breath. I flicked the purple card over the reader and opened the door. I looked directly at her table. The spotlight had been dimmed, the table cleared apart from a short glass. She was wearing red, her hair in long silken curls, skin pale, free of make-up. When I smiled at her, she returned it. She looked beautiful.

_God, no, I can't be attracted to her in that way, not if we're going to be working together._

"Hi, I'm so sorry I kept you waiting. I just couldn't get here any sooner." I sat down. She was sitting in the exact middle of the circular booth. If I reached out, I would be able to touch her arm.

"It's fine," she said.

She wasn't nervous or stuttering. It really must have been a complete and utter shock when she recognized me last night.

The bar guy appeared out of nowhere. "Would you like your usual, Mr Paul?"

I knew Bella drank either wine or champagne, so I should let her choose.

"Actually," I shifted my body slightly closer to her. "Bella, do you want to choose? I feel like trying something different tonight."

She looked a little perplexed, but then she smiled.

"Sure. James, maybe the Evans & Tate Sauvignon Blanc, 1999, if you have it?"

She sounded like she knew exactly what she wanted. Her accent was still recognizably Australian, but she seemed to be trying to play it down, mute it somewhat. She still sounded dead sexy, without effort.

"Certainly Ms Swan."

She looked at me with a slight smile on her lips. I couldn't believe that this beautiful twenty-three year old Australian was sitting within touching distance from me, and even though she looked calm and in control, I sensed she was holding something back. If there was any woman in the world right now that I wanted to want me, it was Bella Swan.

_I won't get involved intimately with someone I'll be working with._

"I'm so glad you could meet me. I wished you hadn't run off last night. I didn't expect you to hand me lyrics and well, when I read them, I was speechless. I…, you are extremely talented with words. They fit the music so well. Perfectly." _They are fucking perfect_ is what I really wanted to say to her.

"Thank you."

OK, she was holding back. I needed her to relax and feel comfortable enough not to just give me one-word responses. Either way I had to know. I'll be completely honest with her.

"I'd like to discuss using your lyrics. I know I wouldn't be able to match what you achieved after only hearing the song maybe three times? There is a real chance the song could be included on the soundtrack of the movie I'm currently filming." I stared into Bella's exceptionally dark brown eyes.

"You would get a share of the royalties of course. And co-writer credit with me."

Her eyes didn't look away from mine, and yet she wasn't communicating anything with them. They were not roaming my body in a blatant eye-fuck. She just stared back at me. I had absolutely no clue what she was thinking, whether she was going to say yes or no. She just smiled.

The bar guy was back with the bottle of wine. He presented it to her, uncorked the bottle and poured a small amount into her glass.

I couldn't take my eyes off her. She held the glass as if it was a precious jewel. Then she inhaled the bouquet with her eyes closed. The smile on her lips was mystifying, like she was silently laughing at her own private joke. As I looked at her lips, she took a small sip, leaving the faintest of beige lipstick behind on the rim of the glass. It was so sensual.

_Shit, she's gorgeous_.

I briefly imagined what I wanted to do with her if there were no other people in the bar.

"Exquisite." She sighed, and the word summed up exactly how I would have described the act that my oversexed mind was conjuring. A certain appendage stiffened.

_I won't get involved intimately with someone I'll be working with._

_Oh Fuck. But if she said no to me using the lyrics, we wouldn't be working together. I could seduce her and get her up to my room and we could…Stop it!_

What did I want more, her lyrics or her? I couldn't have both.

The sound of the bar guy slamming the bottle in the ice bucket snapped me out of my fantasy.

I was still watching her. She shifted her body towards me and that slight movement sent a wave of floral aroma my way. Was it her or the wine that smelled so damn delicious? She held up her glass towards me, leaning slightly forward. I tore my eyes away from hers for a split second to pick up my glass.

"Here's to _Episode_, the song that defines the place that we occupy right now. Everything will change around us, we will change, but the words and the music will never alter." Her words pounded in my head as she gently tapped her glass against mine.

I was unfathomably disappointed and elated at the same time.

~0~

**A/N: Thank you for reading.**


	3. Breve

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I lifted my glass to eye height, turned my body fully to face him, and toasted, "Here's to _Episode_, the song that defines the place that we occupy right now. Everything will change around us, _we_ will change, but the words and the music will never alter." I stared into his green eyes and clinked my glass to his.

For a split second Edward looked sort of disappointed and my heart lurched. _Was he expecting me to say no?_ Then Edward's expression changed to relief and I started breathing again. His face lit up in one of his devastatingly handsome grins. He took a sip of the wine. Watching his lips surrounding the glass made my mouth water. Edward smiled again and then placed his glass on the table.

"Bella, thank you. I want to send it over to the executive producer and the director on Monday to see what they think. I'm pretty sure they'll say yes," he grinned.

I couldn't stop smiling in reaction to him. His smile was infectious. I didn't know what to say, so I kept sipping my wine, hoping he would continue.

He really was just an ordinary down-to-earth guy and all of my freaking-out was uncalled for. Yes, he was beautiful, and yes, my mind unrealistically wanted to believe that he was attracted to me and that I could have a chance to kiss those amazing lips…and more. He just wanted to use the lyrics, and I wanted to let him. Edward was inspiring and creative and if it means that I get to spend some time with him while we were both here in Vancouver, then why shouldn't I?

Edward was the most interesting person I'd ever met and the whole point of coming to a different country to write was to be inspired by new experiences. Here I was, not even two weeks into my six-month stay, and I'd written lyrics to what could potentially be a worldwide number one. I had met Edward Cullen. I was going to take all I could from this experience and run with it.

"I'd like to record a rough version of the song, so I'm going to ask my friend Ben if we can use his home studio. I have a distinct idea about how I want to record it. I don't want them trying to direct me on this; it has to be my way." He sipped some more wine and then he grinned at me with a gleam of excitement in his eyes.

"Are you doing anything tomorrow night?" he asked.

_Oh God, is he going to ask me out?_

"Umm, no, well I was planning on writing, but I can take a night off. What did you have in mind?" I queried.

_Try and stay calm__!_

"Ben and his band are playing at Richard's tomorrow night. I'll call him tomorrow to see if we could go over to his house in the afternoon and lay this track down. Then we can check out his show. If you'd like to?"

_If I'd like to?_

"That'd be great. I've been spending all my time in this bar. I really should get out of the hotel. I haven't seen a live band in ages." _Okay, stop offering more information than is necessary, or you'll start rambling and sound like a complete idiot._

"Excellent," he picked up the wine glass and leaned back into the sumptuous upholstery. He looked at me and took another sip.

"So, Bella, I know nothing about you. What's your story?" he questioned.

"My personal story, or the fictional one that I'm trying to write?" I laughed.

"Both," he smiled and twisted his body bringing his right thigh and knee up to rest on the booth seat between us. He placed his glass back on the table and then expertly slipped his jacket off his shoulders and tossed it on the floor behind him.

He was smooth; it was like looking at a choreographed move at a Vanity Fair shoot. Edward was wearing a generic black v-neck t-shirt. My eyes scanned his bare arms briefly; you could tell he worked out. His skin was pale, except for the fine brown hair that lightly covered the backs of his hands and then continued up around his arms to his elbows. The hair looked soft and lickable. My eyes didn't linger for long, because I knew he was looking at my face again.

_Busted_! _God, just looking at his arms does funny things to me._

He was getting more comfortable in the seat to listen to me ramble on about myself.

Less is always more.

"Well, I don't want to bore you. The short version is I'm from Sydney. I studied Literature at Sydney University and when I graduated, I sort of fell into a career in publishing. It was great helping other authors get published, and then I realised what I really wanted to do was create my own work, so I started writing in my spare time. I was lucky enough to win a writing prize, and as part of the prize I got to choose an all expenses paid trip to live in any Commonwealth city for up to six months, and here I am in Canada. I only arrived two weeks ago."

"Why did you choose Vancouver?" he asked casually.

"It's close enough that I can visit my dad, or he can visit me. I can base myself here and take a few side trips. Then when my time is up, I'll head back to Sydney, hopefully with a completed novel and, if that sells well, I'll keep writing." _There I go babbling and revealing too much._

He smiled and reached over to extract the wine bottle from the bucket, the condensation dripping on the shiny black glass tabletop. He ignored it as he refreshed my glass and then his own. He had a knowing smirk on his gorgeously chiseled face.

"How old are you?" he asked without looking at me, as he crushed the bottle back into the ice bucket.

"Twenty-three."

I knew he was the same age as me. I remember reading something about him celebrating his birthday in New York last month. He had achieved so much in his short career, been to many places, met famous celebrities, experiences I couldn't fathom.

"I know," I laughed. "It's taken me all this time to work out what I wanted to do with my life, I'm a late bloomer."

I felt a little inadequate when I compared my life to his.

I smiled and took another sip of wine. It was really rather delicious and it was rushing to my head. I needed to slow down or there would be no way I could stop rambling. I wanted him to know me. I wanted him to tell me about himself. I wanted us to be friends.

"I would never imply that you are a late bloomer," he laughed. "It's just that you haven't really told me much about yourself. You're editing your life down. I want the full story."

_Full story?_ I really had nothing to tell. "What do you want to know?"

"Siblings?"

"No, my parents divorced. I lived with my mum Renee in Phoenix and then she moved us to Australia. My dad didn't remarry, he still lives in Washington, and Renee remarried seven years ago."

He looked pensive.

"You weren't born in Australia?" he asked.

"No, I was born in Washington, but I haven't lived there since I was a baby."

"Have you travelled much?"

"I've been to New Zealand a lot, with my mum and her husband Phil. He's into extreme sports, so we'd go there for white-water rafting and bungy-jumping." I laughed as I recalled Phil trying to coax me into trying cliff diving.

"I used to visit my dad in Forks every two years in school holidays. I've been to LA and San Francisco. That's about it. I didn't really get the travel bug like a lot of my friends. I'm sort of a homebody!" I laughed, and then remembered how homesick I was only a few short days ago.

His mouth was hanging open, as if I had said something shocking.

"Forks? Forks Washington?" he looked really confused.

"Yes. My dad Charlie is the chief of Police there. Why? Have you been there?" Not many people had heard of the little town of Forks, I was amazed that he had.

"Yes, I…my family, we lived in Forks for almost five years. I've met your dad, Chief Swan. I had no clue he had a daughter."

His face looked pale and thoughtful. I had no idea that he had ever lived in Forks. I assumed from the interviews I'd read or seen that he was from LA. I knew he had a twin sister, Alice. I remember seeing a picture of them together at some swanky Hollywood premiere. She was small but graceful, and had been wearing the most amazing designer dress. Her hair was modern, short and wispy and dark brown, almost black, not at all like his coppery disarray.

"When did you live in Forks? You've met my dad? He didn't arrest you or anything did he?"

"We moved there when I was a freshman, I went to Forks High. We moved to California after my sister Alice and I graduated. I got into acting, and she went to UCLA."

He smiled.

"I was never arrested. My mother Esme did a lot of charity work and Chief Swan, I mean your dad, would always lend a hand, represent the Police when she asked him to. I think your dad has a few female fans in Forks, he's quite a charmer, according to my mom."

_Charlie, a charmer?_ _Well, I suppose he's pretty handsome, a career bachelor_.

"That's really weird. I can't believe you lived in Forks. I nearly went to Forks High! If I had gone to live with Charlie, you and I would have been at the same school."

Edward was staring at me, he looked like he was still in shock, and was studying my face, trying to see the resemblance between myself and Charlie maybe? He had already met my dad. That was very weird, surreal even.

"I suppose it really is a small world, six degrees of separation and all that." I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Edward frowned.

"Why didn't you go and live with Chief Swan?"

"When I was sixteen, I went through...some difficult times. Renee wanted me to live with Charlie for twelve months. She thought living in a small American town with the chief of Police would sort me out. I threw a massive tantrum, and promised to behave. I couldn't imagine living with Charlie, all he did when I visited him was go fishing or watch the sports channels. I would have gone insane from the lack of sun and I would have missed my friends."

_Rambling again. I couldn't tell him the real reason I'd fought so hard to stay in Sydney was my all-consuming and unreciprocated crush on Riley Biers._

Edward took a large gulp of wine then breathed out heavily.

"It must be hard for you, being away from your friends, away from your comfort zone," he seemed a bit shaken and his eyes were no longer staring into mine. He had dropped his head, and was staring at his glass.

"Yes, I wouldn't have done this voluntarily. But I couldn't just pass up the prize. You know I never thought I'd win it. I expect my problem is that I always underestimate my ability." It was hard to say out loud, but I knew it was true.

"And how did your friends react when you won the prize?"

"They were really excited for me. My best friend Jessica couldn't wait for me to leave. She's living in my apartment while I'm away. I'm not sure how I'm going to get rid of her when I go back." I smiled as I recalled how ecstatic Jessica was when I told her she could stay in my apartment for six months. "She's looking after my cat, Jake. I miss him."

"Is there anyone else that you miss?" Edward still had a weird look on his face.

_Did he want to know if there was a special friend that I missed, a boyfriend maybe? If only._ Riley and I would never get back together, the thought of it made me feel nauseous.

"Sure, I miss all my friends, but I actually know more about what's going in their lives now than I did when I was there. Godda love facebook!"

_Oh God, I need to think about my responses, so far I have admitted to being a twenty-three year old who missed her cat, hated leaving home, and preferred to communicate to my friends using facebook. _I sounded pathetic, even to myself.

I kicked my shoes off under the table and lifted by knees up onto the seat. I shuffled backwards slightly so my knees wouldn't touch his. Turning fully towards him, I shifted my weight so I was more comfortable. I picked up my glass and took another sip. When I looked up he was staring at me again, that same unguarded look, like he was trying to read my mind or something.

"You look like you want to ask me something else?" I said.

His eyes were the most beautifully intense green I had ever seen. When he was talking to me, he never broke eye contact. It was like he was giving me his absolute attention; focusing on what I was saying as if it was the most interesting conversation he had ever been engaged in. As if he wasn't mesmerizing enough already.

"I was just a little curious about…if you had a…written lyrics before?"

"No, never, I'm actually shit at music. Failed the subject in high school. All musical ability skipped me completely. Charlie plays guitar. He tried to teach me when I was ten, gave me about three formal lessons and then gave up. I just didn't get it, I kept holding the guitar the wrong way and he couldn't hide his frustration. I haven't picked up a guitar since."

_Oh God_. I was rambling again, but Edward didn't seem to mind. He smiled at me, "You say you're shit at music, but there's not a single person I know that can listen to a song a few times and start writing down words that fucking fit it as brilliantly as yours fit my music. You're not wrong about underestimating your abilities," he grinned.

"But Edward, I have no idea, no idea at all how I did that!" I exclaimed. "I wasn't joking when I said I just went into a freaky trance."

I knew honesty was the best policy in this instance, even if I sounded like a raving lunatic.

"When I heard you start to play I was mesmerized. It was, it _is_ the most beautiful piece of music. I must admit, I was tired and had been writing for almost five hours straight, and I'd consumed a whole bottle of Croser.

"When I closed my eyes it was as if I was hallucinating words, like something from Sesame Street, the words, they were just swirling around in my mind. I grabbed my notebook and simply wrote them down. I kept writing until you stopped playing and then you walked out of the bar, and I snapped out of it. I can't explain it."

Edward took in a deep breath. He looked very perplexed. His eyes never left my face.

"I know, it sounds ridiculous. You know, I never saw your face that first night, and after I worked out they were lyrics and I transcribed them, I debated to myself whether or not to give them to you. I didn't even know if I would get the chance, you could have been just staying in the hotel one night. I had no clue who you were.

"When you came back last night and you played it again, I just sang along in my head and then you kept playing and I kept singing, and James had told me he asked you about the song and you said it wasn't finished and it didn't have a name, so I assumed if it didn't have a name then maybe it didn't have lyrics." I knew I was rambling, but I needed to tell him this. I had to get this off my chest.

He continued to gaze at me, his intense attention making my heart pound at an irregular rate.

"I nearly didn't give them to you, but I hadn't been able to write any of my novel that day, so I thought if I didn't, I would regret it, and not be able to get rid of the writer's block or something. If I had worked out who you were, I never would have approached you. I would have been embarrassed, in case you thought I was some crazy sycophant. I honestly thought that you would think it was a joke. I was completely mortified."

He was still looking at me and I saw his Adam's apple move as he swallowed hard before he spoke. "I'm glad you did give them to me. I realized after you left that you hadn't known who I was. The look on your face was priceless; you really were mortified."

I laughed at the absurdity of it all. He wasn't judging me; he was making me feel at ease. He was laughing with me.

"You should claim you wrote the lyrics, no one is going to believe it when they hear my psychotic story about how I wrote those words." I scoffed at myself.

"Yes, they will. Bella, you need to understand that if you say yes to letting me use these lyrics, this whole story will come out, how I met you, everything."

"No one will believe it! I can't tell people that I heard your song and just spontaneously hallucinated the perfect words. People won't believe that I just happened to be staying in the same hotel as you, was completely ignorant that you were staying here and then just presented you with these lyrics, _'Oh hi Edward, my name is Bella Swan I'm a huge fan and here, I've just written words to the beautiful song you just played, while I was suffering a psychotic episode, whilst drunk and suffering from exhaustion.'_ It's completely unbelievable." I gasped.

He seemed taken aback, and then his face lit up in a mischievous grin. "You're a huge fan?" he teased, obviously trying to lighten the mood, not wanting to comment on my admission that I might be mentally unstable.

"Yes, I am actually, but don't worry, I can control myself. I won't try and jump on you or anything." I laughed out loud, as I recalled exactly how I jumped on him last night in my dream.

He opened his mouth as if he was going to provide some witty retort, but instead he hastily picked up his wine glass and drained it.

"I don't know what to say about how you happened to write these lyrics," he said, as he placed the glass back on the table. "But we'll need to think of something. If they want this song on the soundtrack, they will want to know about you."

"Then, I'm happy not to take credit. The lyrics are yours. Just tell everyone you wrote _Episode_. I don't want to deal with it."

He looked angry. "No, don't say that. You wrote these lyrics. I'm not going to claim them as my own."

I could feel heat rising up my chest and onto my neck and face, slow red heat, devastating evidence of my pure embarrassment. I glanced around the bar, we were alone.

His voice softened. "I'm sorry. Bella, we've got ages to think of something, a realistic story. Let's talk about it tomorrow; just know that I want you to get credit for this. We can come up with something plausible, you don't have to get yourself worked up," he was looking at me reassuringly…but still, I knew how the media worked, they'd twist the story so I came out looking like a love-struck psycho fan.

He yanked the bottle from the bucket, topped up my glass and poured the rest into his empty one. "Now, come over to the piano with me. I want you to hear our song."

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I knew if Bella heard the song, she would be at ease and she would want to take credit for her writing.

_I need to play it no; she needs to hear it._

I pushed up from the table and just as I was about to shuffle my body out and walk with my glass of wine over to the piano, Bella surprised the shit out of me. Her warm hand gently covered mine and I felt a jolt of heat run up my arm and down my spine.

"No!" her voice was strained.

I looked down at her. The panicked look on her face was painful. I slowly put my glass down and sat back on the seat, closer to her than I had been. Her touch was doing strange things to me.

"You got to ask questions. Don't I get a turn?" she rushed through her words.

I sensed she wasn't ready to hear the song. She was trying to stall me. I flipped my hand over so that I held hers. I looked down at her fingers. It took all my self-restraint not to pull them to my lips. My thumb slowly glided over her knuckles.

"You said you were a huge fan. You probably know more about me than I do." I said.

I'd let her ask me whatever she wanted and I would answer truthfully. I reluctantly lowered her hand to the seat in between us, but I just couldn't seem to let go of it. I didn't want to let go.

"Exactly my point. I don't believe all that I've read." She sounded less panicky and more sarcastic.

"Okay, what have you read that you don't believe?" If she wanted to know what everyone else on the planet wanted to know, now was her time to ask me.

"Are you homesick?" she took me by surprise. I'm such a hypocrite. I couldn't ask her whether she had a boyfriend outright, and now I was disappointed that she wasn't asking me if I was currently seeing somebody.

"Yes, extremely. I miss my family, and I never thought I'd say this, but I miss LA terribly." Yes, I missed my LA life. I missed being an unknown. I missed seeing Alice and Jasper everyday.

"When was the last time you were there?"

"I stopped back home for a few days after I finished filming my last movie in New York. The last time I was there for more than a few days was at Christmas." I looked at the table, and I remembered the blur that was my very hurried and surreal holiday back home. No one had changed, but they kept commenting on how much I had.

I looked down to her hand in mine. I wondered if I'd ever get a chance to take Bella to meet my family.

Holding her hand made me feel so relaxed and happy.

_If only I'd asked if she had a boyfriend when I had the chance._

And like she read my mind, she slowly pulled her hand away from me. I looked into her eyes; maybe she just didn't feel the same indescribable sensation I felt emanating from her skin.

"Are you dating your co-star?" her words were slow and her eyes searched mine as she spoke.

Did she want to know because she was just curious and she didn't believe everything she read, or because she was attracted to me? Either way, I needed her to believe the truth.

"No, I'm not dating anyone. I haven't dated anyone for two years. I know everybody thinks we're together, but it's simply not true. I don't get into intimate relationships with people that I'm working with, while I'm working with them. It becomes messy and emotional. I can't mix my working life with my personal life."

No one ever believed me when I denied being in a sexual relationship with my current co-star Rosalie Hale. To the general public, Rosalie was gorgeous. She had a swimsuit model body, silky blonde hair and a femininity and confidence that were very appealing. But the general public didn't know her like I did. Rosalie Hale was vain and shallow and didn't think about anyone except herself. I had put it down to her charmed life and her age, a tender nineteen. She had been a child-star; she got whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it. She was a Hollywood brat. She just hadn't grown up.

Bella looked thoughtful, but she sat quietly for a maddeningly long time, and I couldn't comprehend what she may be thinking or how she was interpreting my words. At least she'd had the guts to ask me. I took my cue.

"Do you have a boyfriend waiting for you in Sydney?" I still had my eyes glued to hers. She stared up at me.

"No, I don't. I haven't had a boyfriend in three years." She looked confused, and a little sad. I

wanted to ask her why they broke up. Did she break up with him? I wanted to know if she still had feelings for him. I wanted to know how any guy in his right mind could have let her go.

_Great. I was jealous of a guy I didn't even know, jealous that someone else had been that close to Bella._

The thought of being in a relationship with her consumed me.

"Play the song for me. I think I'm ready to hear it," she said.

It was the last thing I expected for her to say. Her voice was almost a whisper. I tentatively took her hand that was resting on her knee, ready to draw her over to the piano. Bella placed her other hand over mine and shook her head.

"I'll sit here, if that's okay?"

"Sure." I reluctantly let go of her hand and stood up, just as the bar guy approached the table.

"Would you like anything else from the bar?"

"Could I have a mineral water please, James?" her voice sounded croaky and timid.

I nodded that I was happy with my wine, and he sauntered off just as I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I didn't have to even look at it.

_Alice._

Bella looked nervous as all hell. I needed to be empathetic; hearing me sing her words must feel overwhelming for her. I understood that. I walked to the piano, sat down and placed my wine glass on the little stool. I scrunched my shoulder blades together. I wanted to turn to look at her, but I knew she didn't want me to. I cleared my throat, but then I thought I should ease her into it so I just played the music and didn't sing a word.

I needed the time to run through everything that we told each other. She didn't have a boyfriend. She had written these lyrics that started out tender and beautiful, then twisted into a dangerous mix of spite and jealousy.

_Three years was a long time, surely she is over him? I wonder if she'll ever tell me about him. More to the point, was she ready to be in another relationship?_

Who was I kidding? I couldn't offer her anything. If she started dating me, her life would be shit. She would be photographed wherever she went. The tabloid hacks would pick out her flaws and twist them into vicious stories to sell more newspapers and magazines and she would hate being put on show like that. That was not worth enduring just to be with me. She was willing to _give_ me her lyrics and remain anonymous, just so she didn't have to deal with all the shit that was going to come with a public collaboration.

I had to stop wanting to touch her and confusing the situation and myself.

_This is a working relationship. I will get this song on the soundtrack, and as soon as I have this song locked-in, I can spend some time over the next few months finishing off the other song that isn't quite coming together_. _Maybe Bella would write some words for it…_

We could spend time together as friends, within the confines of this hotel. She was going to be here anyway, and it would be my home for the next four months.

I wanted to help Bella to embrace her creativity. It's the least I could do, and if the last two years has taught me anything, it's to go with your gut instincts and recognize and embrace all situations that are presented to you. I had the encouragement of a lot of people. She doesn't have anyone. I could be her someone. I didn't need to throw sex into the mix. She deserved better than what I could offer her in that department.

I thought about what it would have been like to meet her when she was sixteen. I know I would have been instantly attracted to Bella. God, Alice would have loved her too. If she had been at my school, there would have been no Lauren Mallory in my consciousness. I would have pursued Bella. I would have courted her, taken her to the prom. I couldn't discount what Alice was going to say, but as much as I tried to push that out of mind when I was with Bella, I knew that it would affect any future decisions I made. I really didn't want to call Alice back.

I played the last note. I couldn't turn to see if Bella was freaking-out. I was going to sing _Episode_ and afterwards I was going to go back to her.

_We have so much more to talk about._

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

"Play the song for me. I think I'm ready to hear it." My voice had no volume, but he had heard me and he placed a reassuring hand on mine as if to help me shuffle out of the booth with him. But I grabbed our hands and froze.

"I'll sit here, if that's okay?" I couldn't let him see me cry; because I was one hundred percent sure that's what I was going to do, as soon as I heard his voice.

"Sure," he smiled at me as he stood up and moved out from behind the table, and then I saw James who was now standing in front of us.

"Would you like anything else from the bar?"

"Could I have a mineral water please, James?" my voice didn't sound like my own.

Edward picked up his wine glass before looking across to me, a small sexy smile on his lips. As he walked to the piano, I closed my eyes, willing them not to start expelling the tears that were waiting.

Then he began to play and though the tension in my stomach was painful, the music calmed me. Like before, it was completely mesmerizing. He didn't sing; he simply played the music. I was thankful that he was taking it slow.

I was so confused, because the way he'd held and caressed my hand completely contradicted his statement about not getting intimate with someone he works with, and I'm pretty sure I fell into that category. He was the one that preceded our discussion about the song as 'business'.

_Maybe my definition of intimacy and his were completely different. Maybe he was just a touchy-feely type of guy._

I wanted to believe that he was not in a relationship with Rosalie Hale. But she was beautiful and she had the most amazing body.

_Is there something wrong with him?_

Any of the guys I knew back home would have jumped into bed with her in an instant. Riley would have.

_God, the last thing I wanted to do right now is think about Riley!_

Edward was sexy, gorgeous, genuinely a nice guy, his talent was inspiring. I couldn't pick any fault with him whatsoever. And that was it. I couldn't pick a fault with him. Everyone had faults. Riley had hundreds of faults; faults that I only recognized after our relationship ended.

Edward seemed to be too perfect. He had to have a flaw, something that I could focus on so I wouldn't completely fall for him.

And like a light switching on in my head I remembered he was a smoker. I remember last night he had gotten up and gone to the balcony to suck on a cancer-stick.

There were several things that I absolutely abhorred - cigarettes was at the top of the list, next to racism, corporate pricks that ruined the environment and that asshole back in Sydney with the petrol leaf-blower that would wake me up every Sunday morning at 7am.

My mind was awash with trivial thoughts, ultimately distracting me from what was to come. I sensed he was only playing the music for a reason. Maybe he had his own thoughts to sort through, but then my eyes flew open when he finished playing and he scrunched his shoulder blades together before he started the song again and his voice was husky and sexy as he sang, with raw emotion and tenderness, the lyrics to our song.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

It was so hard not to turn around to see what emotions were painted on her beautiful face. I took a deep breath then started playing. My voice sounded a little conservative. I didn't want to freak her out. She needed to know how absolutely fantastic her words were. I wanted her to commit to letting me use them. I tried to block out the tingling feeling that was racing up and down my spine, knowing that she was sitting there behind me. My hand glowed from the warmth of her touch and I wanted to rush through the song so I could go back and talk to her some more.

The physical attraction I felt towards Bella was undeniable, but I had my rule and I had never broken it.

_Shit, that's probably why I haven't been laid in two years. I never got to just meet people; the people I met were working with me. How would I ever meet and have a relationship with someone, if I had swore to never break my rule?_

I continued to sing the song. I had memorized the words, as surely as if I'd written them myself.

_Can she fathom how fantastic it is?_

I played the last few keys; my eyes closed and there was tight feeling of anticipation in my stomach at the thought of returning to the booth to speak to her. I ended the song and looked up.

The Armani suit guys started clapping; the old dude had stepped in from the balcony and started clapping as well. I turned in my seat to see James grinning at me, and then I saw Bella. Her face was flushed that delicious crimson. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears and the slow smile that lit up her face took my breath away.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

He walked slowly back to the table and smiled as he sat next to me. We sat in silence for a long while. I wasn't sure what to say to him. My heart was pounding in my chest.

"It is a beautiful song. I'm sure they will want to use it on the soundtrack. I am…speechless." I looked up at him, a slight smile on my lips and when he looked directly into my eyes, I knew that I needed to snap out of my girlish lust induced haze and see the situation for what it was.

_There is no chance for a romantic relationship with Edward Cullen; he's not the right guy for me. He is way out of my league._

"So, tell me about what happens next, in terms of recording it?" I needed to get the subject 'back to business'.

"I'll record a rough version with Ben, then play it to the film's producer and director to get their feedback. If they give the go ahead, I'd record in a studio with a full complement of musicians and arrange the song professionally."

I couldn't help but notice his face light up when he talked about it. I sensed that he really did enjoy his music much more than he was enjoying acting.

"So, we're going to Ben's house tomorrow?" I queried, making sure that what he mentioned earlier was still going to happen.

"Yes, I'm sure that will be the plan. Can I call you tomorrow, to let you know the details?"

"Yeah, sure." I leant down to snag my bag from the floor and retrieve my phone. "Let's exchange numbers, I mean, sorry, I can just give you mine." I felt silly expecting him to give out his number to me.

Edward lifted his bum off the seat slightly. Thrusting his hips up, his long and graceful fingers dug into the front of his jeans pocket to retrieve his phone. It took all of my mental ability to focus enough not to audibly moan.

_Fuck me!_ _That may be the most erotic thing I have ever seen._

I closed my eyes to retain the vision.

"No, you have mine too, I trust you not to go and hand it out to anyone else though, this is about the sixth number I've had in twelve months," he laughed, but it was more like an ironic sigh of acceptance. I reluctantly opened my eyes.

We exchanged numbers and then I checked the time before putting my phone away. I wanted to stay here all night but I knew the longer I sat there with him, the harder it would be for me to leave.

"I'm really quite tired, so umm, if you don't mind, I think I'll go and get some sleep." I smiled and looked into his eyes.

"Oh, do you want to come out to the balcony with me first, get some fresh air?" he sounded as though he was disappointed that I wanted to leave. I glanced out to the balcony, and then looked back at him.

"I don't classify second-hand cigarette smoke as fresh air. Sorry, it's just I can't stand the smell, and my Gran died of cancer. You go ahead though." I sounded judgmental and rude, but if this is what will make me like him a little less, then I could live with it. The thought that he was damaging his lungs, and possibly his vocal chords with dangerous chemicals made me really sad. He didn't need to smoke to look sexy.

There was a pause.

"I'm sorry about your Gran. I know it's a disgusting habit. How about I call you tomorrow once I've spoken to Ben and I'll let you know the details about recording and going to Ben's gig?" he sighed and looked down at the table and I had to get out of there.

I stood up and smiled, "Sure, call me then, I'll speak to you tomorrow." I grabbed my bag and flung it over my shoulder, before hastily rushing out the door.

**A/N: What would you be drinking if you were in a bar with Edward Cullen? Please leave a review!**


	4. Minim

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

"Ben, it's me."

"Edward? You're up early. What's going on?" he asked.

I knew he would be awake; he knows I usually sleep in if I can.

"Hey, I've got to go to fight training in an hour, but I wanted to let you know that I've finished the song. Well I mean, I had help and I want to use your home studio to record a demo so I can play it to the director and the producers. I've emailed you the sheet music with lyrics."

"You've finished it? Last time we talked about it you were going to practically start over."

"Yeah, well, like I said, I had help."

"I can't wait to hear it! Come over this afternoon, we'll lay it down. Angela can make us dinner before we go to my gig. You're still coming right?"

Even though I could no longer play gigs myself, mainly because of the bedlam that ensues, I could see Ben play; normally from the safety of side stage. Occasionally when I ventured into the audience, I'd get the barrage of autograph and picture hounds that invaded my personal space and made me feel more than uncomfortable.

"Yes, of course I'm coming, I wouldn't miss it. I'll be bringing a girl with me. She helped me complete the song."

"A girl helped you? I thought you were talking about Jasper! Is there something you want to tell me?"

Ben knew me well, and bringing a girl to his house or to one of his gigs was not something I'd ever done before.

"Her name is Bella Swan. She's a writer, and she basically wrote the lyrics. I told her she could come and see the process of recording. The music thing is all a mystery to her; it would be great for her to see what goes on behind the scenes so to speak. She's still not really convinced that the lyrics she wrote are fucking perfect!"

"A writer? Come on Edward, you're sounding a bit evasive? Where did you meet her? Why do you sound like there is something more to this story?'

"Fuck Ben, I just met her. She's staying in my hotel because she won a writing prize and I met her in the hotel bar. I'm working with her okay? Don't go reading anything into it, but she's visiting from Australia. And if you make one snide comment about her being Australian, I'll have to mess you up."

"She's Australian? Fuck Edward, I'd love to be a fly on the wall when you break that news to Alice."

"Ben, please, can we drop it. You haven't told Angela about that have you?"

"Of course I haven't, but just because I haven't told her doesn't mean that she doesn't already know. Alice could have told her, they are friends remember."

_God, why in the hell had Alice told everyone about her fucking dream, and why does everyone still remember it after six years!_

"Ange wouldn't say anything, would she? To Bella I mean?"

"Of course she wouldn't, but you know what she'll think."

"Yeah, I do. Okay, well I'll see you a little after three then. It's probably best if Bella gets there first, you know." I couldn't risk the paps sneaking a photo of Bella with me it would complicate things.

"Sure, no problem. Don't worry man. It'll be fine. We can talk more about it tonight okay?"

I wish I could be as confident as Ben.

"Okay, thanks Ben." I ended the call.

I sat on the unmade hotel bed and thought about Bella. Ever since she handed me those lyrics I couldn't get her out of my mind. I had her cell number. I wanted to call her; I wanted to hear her sexy Australian accent.

I didn't think I would survive not seeing her until the afternoon. I looked down at the phone in my hand.

_I have to call Bella Swan_.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I dreamt of Edward Cullen again that night. Not a sex dream this time. We were sitting side-by-side on First Beach in La Push, the Indian reservation a short drive from my dad's house in Fork's. I had visited the beach often when I was little.

In my dream Edward and I were huddled together sitting on a rug. Our sides were pressed together, my legs were over his lap, and his arms and hands surrounded me under a big warm blanket. My hands were caressing the warm wool of his jumper over his chest.

Edward was whispering in my ear, his warm breath sent shivers over me. He clutched me tighter, telling me that I was the one he'd been waiting for, that we were meant to be together and that he would never let me go.

Edward slowly leaned down and kissed me, his lips barely leaving mine as he told me he loved me and then continued the kiss, long, slow, intense. I reveled in the sensation of his lips on mine. I could taste the salt from the sea on his mouth, and then I reached to wrap my hands around his back and pull him closer. Small droplets of rain started to fall, but neither of us moved to leave.

The kiss was magical as the cool damp air swished around us; the earthy smell of the damp foliage from the nearby woods filled my nostrils. His warmth encompassed me, making me feel safe and loved. Then in my dream I opened my eyes and Edward was gone, replaced by Riley, his dark eyes boring into mine, his face pale, his lips cold and wet.

I woke up in shock.

_God, it's been three years since Riley. Why does he keep invading my thoughts? Oh, that's right, he was my whole life for seven years; seven long years of wanting him, of needing him_.

I lay in bed and recalled the moment Riley Biers changed my life.

~0~

Riley and I had attended the same school since we were eleven. He was always the popular boy. He always had girls chasing him and he seemed to always like to be caught. I never really thought of Riley; he was just a boy like any other, and we had never spoken a word to each other.

That all dramatically changed when I was fourteen. The finer details are hazy now, blocked from my memories, or suppressed. It was a party, one of those spur-of-the-moment get-togethers because someone's parents would be interstate. They weren't all night rages; rather everyone in the school year would come along, to sneakily drink alcohol and pash or dance.

I can't even remember whose party it was; Jessica made me go with her. She had the hots for a guy called Peter. She knew he would be there and so she dragged me along. I had no interest in boys, or so I thought.

We had been drinking wine cooler and Passion Pop. The sickly sweet alcohol had made us giggle and lose or inhibitions somewhat. I remember dancing to some tragic hard rock song and closing my eyes because the buzz in my head was unlike anything I'd ever felt before.

_Intoxication. _

I was by no means drunk, just pleasantly tipsy and had no desire to drink any more. After dancing for what seemed like hours, I went to the Esky and grabbed a can of Diet Coke.

That's when I saw him. He was sitting alone, which was weird for Riley, he was always with someone, either his mates or a girl–the latest being Victoria. They seemed to fight more often than not, but would always kiss and hold hands at school.

He was staring at me and I felt suddenly extremely self-conscious. I automatically looked down to see that I was not covered in food, or worse. _No, I look fine_. He was probably just drunk, so I turned my back to him and walked away.

After speaking to some other girls from my class and ensuring Jessica was in sight and not too wasted, I found the bathroom inside the house. My thoughts were not of anything in particular. I just knew I needed to get Jessica back to my house safely at the curfew Renee had enforced. We had to be home by 11pm.

Jessica had told her parents she was sleeping at my house. I had filled Renee in on the details. She was cool with it, as long as I was home at the time she specified and not rolling drunk. I was pretty lucky that Renee was a laid-back type of parent. She trusted me to adhere to her rules. Considering the leeway she gave me constantly, I was grateful and respectful. I think she secretly relished the fact that she let me do pretty much what I wanted. I always sensed it was her desire to give me the freedom she never had growing up in Forks and she knew my dad Charlie would be livid if he knew how lax her parenting actually was.

It was summer and it was hot and humid. I stood in that bathroom and I pulled my hair up into a high ponytail. I splashed water on my cheeks and blotted them with the hand towel, making sure I didn't smudge my eye make-up.

I hadn't seen Jessica go anywhere near Peter, although I knew she would be out there now just following him with her eyes_. _

_I wonder if she'll get up enough courage to talk to him, or dance with him_.

I looked at my watch. It was 10:18pm. We'd have to leave here by 10:45 to get home right on 11pm.

I left the bathroom and turned the corner in the hall to go back to the garage when I crashed into someone and the drink they were holding splashed down onto my leather sandals.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to cover you in Coke!"

I looked down at the sticky mess on my feet and sandals and looked up to Riley's face. He was flushed and looked embarrassed. I hesitated before speaking to him, and when I did my voice sounded weird as the words tumbled out.

"Don't worry about it, Riley. I'll just wash them off."

I felt my face flame in a heated blush. We knew each other's names, but actually saying his name out loud seemed very surreal. I had no idea why speaking to him caused me to react that way. I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious again, and my heart rate increased.

I turned quickly and walked back to the bathroom, pulling off my sandals and running them under the tap. I grabbed a facecloth that was hanging over the faucet in the bathtub, sat on the lip of the bath and wiped the sticky liquid from my ankles and from between my toes. I hadn't realized he had followed me until I looked up at him and he was staring at me again.

I couldn't tell if he was drunk or not. He didn't seem to be, but it's not like I knew him at all, so maybe he was just good at pretending?

"If they're ruined, I can buy you a new pair." He breathed out heavily and leaned into the doorway.

"That's okay, I'm sure they'll be fine."

The way he was looking at me made my stomach flip-flop, and I grabbed my dripping sandals and stood up. His body was blocking the door. He still held his can of Coke.

"Forgive me?" and he offered me the can.

"Sure." I took the can and he turned and I followed him back through the house to the backyard. The music had been turned down and changed to soppy ballads and I placed my sandals on the grass as I followed Riley into the garage.

I was a little confused, as a cluster of people, including Jessica and Peter were sitting in a circle on the ground. In the middle of the circle was an empty VB longneck bottle.

"C'mon Riley, we've been waiting ages."

The circle shuffled outwards and Riley pulled me down to the ground to sit next to him. They were about to play spin the bottle.

I looked at Jessica and she was literally bouncing on her knees. She was sitting adjacent to Peter and I could just tell she wanted desperately for the bottle to point to her. Her smile made her face light up and her eyes were now pretty much ogling Peter.

There were only about twelve of us in the circle, evenly matched ratio of girls to boys and the guy that had complained to Riley for keeping him waiting (I can't remember his name) grinned before spinning the bottle.

I sat in anticipation as the bottle spun and stopped, pointing at a cute blonde girl. She blushed and he instantly hopped up to kneel before her, planting a long but chaste kiss on her lips.

Then the blonde took her turn. The bottle stopped, pointing to Jessica. "Should I re-spin?" the blonde asked.

"No, if the bottle lands on a girl, girls get to choose what boy they want to kiss, and if a boy spins the bottle and it lands on a boy, that boy gets to pick the girl he kisses," stated Riley, as if he'd played this game a hundred times.

"If a girl and boy have already kissed and they spin each other or choose each other again, they get to go outside for three minutes," he continued.

The blonde girl was smiling from ear-to-ear and she pointed at a boy sitting opposite her and he grinned as he got up and kissed her. I saw a flash of tongue and I instantly felt dizzy.

"It's your turn now Jessica, because the bottle landed on you." Riley smiled at Jessica as she eagerly reached over to the bottle. I knew that she was desperate for it to land on Peter. As it went twirling around and around, I felt Riley's hand brush mine (the one that was still holding his Coke) so I took a small sip and gave it back to him.

His eyes were a deep brown, almost black, and his breathing was irregular. His eyes held mine as he took a sip. I was mesmerized by the way his lips curled over the edge of the can. My eyes then moved down to see his Adam's apple as he swallowed.

When I looked back to the floor, the bottle slowed to a stop, pointing directly at me.

Jessica's eyes sparkled, as she looked up through her lashes directly at Peter.

"Peter," she sighed as if all her dreams had come true.

Peter slowly stood and walked three steps to lower himself in front of her. His back was to me, I couldn't see the kiss, but it lasted a while and I was elated for Jessica. I knew that we wouldn't be sleeping much tonight, as she would describe every detail of that kiss to me, over and over again.

Riley interrupted their kiss to let them know it was my turn. Peter broke away from Jessica her hands had surrounded his neck and as he pulled away I could see her desperately trying to secure him there. When he got up and walked back to his previous seat in the circle she actually pouted. Peter looked over to Jessica. His grin lit up her face.

I felt suddenly hot and nervous and I pushed myself up on my knees as I leaned forward, balancing my body weight on my left hand I reached out and spun the bottle. All eyes were on the bottle, but I could sense in my peripheral vision that Riley's eyes were looking at me. It seemed like forever, but the bottle finally slowed and the neck pointed right between Riley and me as it came to a complete stop.

"It landed on me," Riley gushed and before I could comprehend what was happening, Riley's hand snaked around my waist turning my body to his, and lifted me forward to a kneeling position. His other hand cradled my bare neck as he held me. Then I closed my eyes as his face descended towards mine.

His kiss was soft and sweet, and then ever so slowly, he slid his tongue into my mouth and as I tasted him my knees buckled. His hand pulled me tight up against his chest. My arms that were hanging by my sides reached up. One hand wrapped around his waist the other flew up and grabbed his shirt below his collar.

He tilted my head as his rhythm picked up and the kiss deepened. My mouth fully opened to his and he grunted and he pulled me closer, tighter against him. Tasting him was surreal; it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I was gasping for breath and then, as if a switch flicked, he broke away quickly.

I sat back down, my bum on my heels, breathless and in shock. His eyes blazed. He leaned forward and spun the bottle. In those precious seconds the bottle was spinning, I tried to clear my thoughts. My pulse was racing and I was confused.

It was my first kiss.

My first kiss was with Riley Biers. I had only spoken to him for the first time less than five minutes ago.

_Did this mean anything to him, or was it just a game to play, something to pass the time?_

The bottle slowed and pointed to Peter. Riley stood up and staring down at me he breathed. "I choose Bella," and he pulled me dazed and confused out of the garage and into the backyard. I still hadn't recovered from the kiss and my heart was pounding.

He strode forward, his hand gripping mine tightly. The grass felt cool and spiky under my bare feet. And then I realized that Riley was going to kiss me again and my whole body tingled in anticipation.

Riley turned abruptly and gently guided me back up against a gum tree, the fallen leaves crunching under our feet. I could still hear the music coming from the garage. I could hear the shrill call of cicadas in the distance. Riley placed his hands on my hips and I reached up to curl both my arms around his neck.

I closed my eyes again and Riley pushed his firm body against mine and started kissing me passionately his tongue probing my mouth. This time I wanted to participate in the kiss, so I began slowly extending my tongue out to meet his. He was making a quiet moaning sound that sent shivers up my spine.

I felt giddy. I was aware of how hard his body felt against my stomach and chest. His hands on my hips were the only things restraining me as I tried to push my whole body forward to connect with his. I wanted to melt into him; the most wonderful sensations were overtaking me. After a minute, I opened my eyes and was shocked to see he had his eyes open too.

We watched each other as we kissed. And then I saw his eyes roll back in his head and he broke away from me. We stood panting, trying to recover.

My eyes looked down at my bare feet; my heart pounding. I felt his fingers lift my chin and felt his body heat as he stood close to me. He looked into my eyes, defiant and smoldering.

"Bella. I _will_ kiss you again one day." He was out of breath and before I could think of anything to say his lips touched the tip of my nose. Then he was gone.

I stood against the tree, trying to process what had happened. I was confused. I had these intense feelings and my body was on fire.

Then Jessica came barreling out of the garage. She looked really pissed-off.

"Let's go!" she demanded. And I raced to grab my sopping-wet sandals and chased after her as she left the backyard and started walking towards my house.

"What happened?" I yelled after her.

"Peter chose Charlotte!" She spat, and I knew now that we wouldn't be losing sleep listening to her talk about the kiss, rather we'd lose sleep while she raved on and on about how she was better than Charlotte and Peter should have chosen her.

Things went back to normal at school after the kiss with Riley. He was still with Victoria. I found out later that she hadn't been at the party because she had to go interstate for her Grandmother's funeral.

No one in that garage ever revealed that Riley and I kissed, not even Jessica, and for that I was grateful. Victoria was scary and jealous. I could just imagine how terrible my school life would have been if she had found out about the kiss.

Occasionally, I would catch Riley looking at me. And my stomach would do that flip-flop thing. I pined for him. I spent my entire school life daydreaming about what it would be like to be his girlfriend. As I got older, my fantasies were more sexual, and no matter how many boys showed interest in me, I compared them all to Riley. They didn't have a chance. Riley's words used to ring in my ears every damn night.

_I will kiss you again one day._

Needless to say when Renee thought my little crush on Riley Biers was becoming more than obsessive, she arranged for me to go and spend a year living in Forks with my dad. The thought of not seeing Riley everyday at school made me freak out and throw a massive tantrum. I flatly refused, and argued my case daily for not going. I wore Renee down; she eventually relented, as long as I would snap out of my unhealthy obsession with a boy that didn't want me.

I tried really hard to block Riley from my consciousness. It didn't work. Instead, I just pretended that I was over him, whilst secretly wishing that he would suddenly come to the realization that we were meant to be together and to see Victoria for the absolute bitch that she was. He never did, and it wasn't until many years later that Riley's statement came true.

_I will kiss you again one day._

I snapped out of my recollections with a gasp as I heard my phone ringing. I lunged at the bedside table to grab it, seeing Edward's name made my heart race.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bella, it's Edward."

"Hi." I said softly. _God his voice is like melted chocolate_.

"I've spoken to Ben. We've been invited to go over to his house at three. We can record the song and you can meet Ben and his girlfriend, Angela. I've known them both since school. We'll have dinner with them and then go across to the club for Ben's gig."

"Okay, so what time should we leave here?" I asked. I still didn't have any bearings in Vancouver.

"It's probably best if you take a cab. If you come with me, well, um, the paparazzi would photograph you," he sounded resigned. "I'll get there not long after you if the hotel books you a cab to leave at 2:45pm. Do you have a pen?"

I wrote down the address as he read it to me.

"Don't worry, Ben and Angela are fantastic. They have to be to put up with me," he laughed, then added, "and Angela is a fantastic cook."

"Sounds great, so umm, I'll see you there then?"

"See you there, Bella."

"Bye," I sighed as I placed the phone on the bed.

Just speaking to him made my stomach tighten.

_I'm doing the same thing. I'm falling for Edward, just like I did with Riley_.

The realization hit me hard.

I recognized that my crush on Riley had been stupid and detrimental to my life. I couldn't do the same with Edward Cullen. I couldn't let myself have unrealistic fantasies that invaded every thought and every decision I made.

That's what it was; I had a crush on Edward Cullen, _the_ Edward Cullen, Hollywood actor and global sex symbol. It was childish and ridiculous.

_I can't be that girl again._

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

After speaking to Bella, I felt like a child on Christmas morning.

_I'll see her again in a few hours!_

I thought about all the things we had talked about last night and I tried not to think about the way her hand felt when she had touched me. It wasn't working.

Then I looked at my half-empty pack of cigarettes on the dining table. She was anti-smoking. I had never had a valid excuse to drop that habit, but Bella changed that last night. I was going cold turkey. I picked up the pack and threw it into the wastepaper basket by the desk. I just needed to find something else to do with my hands, something to expel my nervous energy. I walked into the bedroom and pulled my guitar out. I would use all the emotions that I had been feeling since meeting Bella to work on the song that wasn't quite right.

I hadn't realized how long I'd been playing and writing until my phone rang. I picked it up to look at the display. It was Jasper.

_Should I take the risk that it was Alice using Jasper's phone because I wasn't answering her calls?_

There's only one way to find out.

"Hey Jasper, what's up?"

"Edward, do you have any idea how manic Alice is? It's driving me crazy! Can't you just return her call? She's a basket case! You won't believe the scenario's she's concocting about what's going on with you right now, and they change every couple of hours!"

"Sorry, I will call her, but there isn't anything to say right now, she'll just get even more worked up." I stated.

Jasper was very supportive of Alice, so she really must be losing it for him to sneak a call to me.

"Please, just call your sister, I can't take it for much longer," he sounded stressed.

"Okay, okay. What's going on with you guys anyway? How's the family, what's news?"

I desperately wanted to tell Jasper about Bella.

_Actually, I wanted to talk about Bella to someone that didn't know Alice._

"Everyone's good. We had dinner with your mom and dad last night. What about you? Anything you want to tell me, about the filming that is?" His tone was sarcastic, and I knew he was fishing for something. I can only imagine what Alice would be putting him through.

"Nope, sorry. I promise I'll call Alice, as soon as I have something to tell her."

"I'm holding you to that. I'll speak to you soon."

"Bye Jasper."

The longest I had been able to get away with not speaking to my annoyingly insistent twin sister was five days. It had been hell. If didn't answer my cell, she would call the hotel at all hours. I purposefully always checked-in under an alias, but she knew me so well, she would normally be able to fucking guess every damn one!

Alice and I were very close, understandably because we were twins. I was two minutes and 39 seconds older. We were connected emotionally in a way that only other twins could comprehend. Alice was more connected to me than anyone in my family, and whilst our parents and close friends were aware of it, no one else knew that Alice had premonitions.

Sometimes they came to her as dreams; other times she would just feel an overwhelming emotion that just popped into her consciousness. Like the time Tyler Crowley skidded his van out in the parking lot at school one day. I had been terrified the instant the van started skidding towards me. No one was hurt, but my emotions switched from terror to anger when his damn van wiped out the back of my parked Volvo. I was livid that he had been so reckless. I seethed when I saw the damage to my previously pristine car.

Alice was in the gym, and 'sensed' my distress. Everyone knew from the look on her face there was something extremely wrong and as she bolted to find me, they had all followed, her crazed demeanor frightening the hell out of all of them.

All she did when she finally found Tyler and I in a heated discussion was jump into my arms and sob. She knew I was okay, but when we talked about it later, she described all the feelings and emotions she had gone through in those three minutes. Those emotions that she explained to me in detail mirrored my own exactly. I had always accepted that our emotional connection would be something neither of us would ever deny again, and the bond that we formed in that instant was permanent and unwavering.

I could only guess what emotions Alice could sense from me at the moment: confusion, attraction, desire. The fact that I wasn't calling her back was probably making it worse.

_Maybe I should just tell her it's about the film. No, she would see straight through that lie. I'll just have to put her off a little longer._

I placed my guitar back in its case and thought about seeing Bella. I needed to shave, before fight training. I needed to sort through my dirty clothes and send them to housekeeping. I was usually fully competent. It felt like I'd been living in hotels for years, but I'd only been here three nights, and I was an absolute mess.

I was a mess since meeting Bella Swan.

~0~

**A/N: Do you remember your first kiss? Please review!**


	5. Crotchet

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**~0~**

**~~Bella~~**

I was so nervous. I was in a cab driving to Ben and Angela's house on the outskirts of the city. Edward had told me that Ben was his best friend from school. I was looking forward to meeting Ben's girlfriend Angela, hoping she could be a friend while I was in Vancouver, in case I needed some girl-talk.

I hadn't spoken to any of my girlfriends from home. We'd emailed each other, but that was it. I was kind of glad though, because I didn't want to tell any of them about meeting Edward. Jessica especially. Great friend, but she had a big mouth. I just knew she would concoct some juicy story about me having a holiday romance with him—or something just as implausible—and when I did get back to Sydney, I'd have to spend an uncomfortable amount of time convincing everyone that Jessica had exaggerated.

The cab pulled up in front of a modest two-storey house. I was excited to get a look into someone's home. I was always looking for new environments to draw from in my writing, and I'd already spent too much time in the hotel.

I paid the driver and stepped out. Edward had explained to me it was better if I arrived before him, as he knew he would be followed there by the paparazzi. He said he didn't want them to photograph me—they'd make some story up and pry into my private life. I was touched by his thoughtfulness; he was trying to spare me exposure to the daily invasion of privacy he endured.

Before I'd even stepped on the porch, a beautiful girl with long, flowing brown hair and kind eyes opened the door. "You must be Bella. I'm Angela. Please come in, it's great to meet you. Tell me, how did you meet Edward?"

Her rush of questions shocked me. I assumed Edward would have explained who I was, and if he hadn't I was worried about what I should tell her. It was Ben who saved me. He sauntered into the foyer smiling widely and reached out to shake my hand.

"I'm Ben. Your lyrics are so cool, Bella. Come into the studio."

Ben led me through the hallway and into a bedroom that had been converted into a music room. There was an upright piano, a drum kit and several guitars. Along one of the walls was a large trestle table with three computers and what looked to be a mixing desk. Microphone stands and cords were all over the carpet. There was an old two-seater sofa that looked like it may convert into a bed.

"Can I get you a drink Bella?" questioned Angela.

"Umm, yeah, I'll just have water please." Ben was busy doing something with one of the computers, so I sat on the sofa and looked up at the walls.

They were covered with pictures of Ben on stage, black and white grainy, stylized portraits. Then I spotted one of Edward. It was in color. He was sitting on a stool, playing an acoustic guitar, a microphone stand in front of him, his mouth open as if he was singing something very powerful.

He was drop dead gorgeous. He was wearing a dark navy v-neck t-shirt and his arms were covered in a sheen of sweat. Before I knew what I was doing I was standing in front of the photograph, staring in awe at his long and nimble fingers, each pressing into the guitar strings. The detail in the photograph was amazing; you could see every individual long eye lash. The sweat shimmered on his skin in small droplets, a moment perfectly frozen in time.

Even though his eyes were closed, you could feel the emotional intensity, and the way he held his body, he was so comfortable and relaxed; nothing at all like he looked when he played the piano in the 'purple' bar.

Angela had returned with my water and handed me the glass as she stood at my side and looked at the photo.

"This photograph is amazing. I've never seen it before. What magazine was it in?" I asked. I couldn't tear my eyes away from it. This photo had captured the real Edward Cullen.

Ben laughed and Angela cleared her throat. "It hasn't been in a magazine. I would never sell any of his pictures."

I looked at her with obvious confusion.

"I took the photo Bella, I'm a photographer, well, I work in a bank, but photography is my passion."

"You took this? Wow, it looks like it should be on the cover of Rolling Stone!" I sounded as astonished as I felt. "Where was it taken? I didn't realize Edward played gigs."

"He can't nowadays; he practically gets mauled if he appears on stage anywhere. This was taken back in L.A. at an open mic, before Edward's first movie was released. Once his acting career took off, he was booked for a few shows, but word would get around fast when he played somewhere and within fifteen minutes the club would be packed with barely of age girls, frantic and screaming. He stopped, he didn't enjoy it."

Angela looked at Ben and they kind of looked sad.

Did Edward really hate the attention he got from over zealous fans?

"Why wouldn't you sell this photograph?" I asked. I was perplexed; surely Edward wouldn't mind helping his friend use his image to get her name out there. Angela was really talented.

"My entire portfolio is of Ben and Edward. I would never sell them to some trashy mag. I hate that they exploit him to make money. They know the fans will buy anything that has him on the cover. It's disgusting," she scoffed.

I wanted to argue with her. Edward would be photographed regardless and she may as well get the job, get her name out there, and make a living doing something that she loved.

I didn't know them well enough to go on about it, so I just shrugged. "I think you're really talented Angela. I think you could make a great living if you decided to pursue photography full time."

She smiled and motioned for me to sit next to her on the sofa. "Thanks Bella. Now tell me, how did you meet—" the sound of the door bell cut her off. "Speak of the devil!"

She rushed out of the room to answer the door and a laughing Edward and Angela returned after a few minutes. He already had a beer in his hand.

His glowing smile hit me like a breath of fresh air. I couldn't help grinning back at him, he was obscenely sexy, and his silent hello was all I needed to feel at ease. Ben stood up and they shared a man-hug, then Ben picked up his beer from the table and they clinked them together. I sat forward on the sofa that was too low and very soft. I felt like it was taking all of my energy not to sink into the middle and be lost forever.

Ben and Edward fussed over setting up the mixer, and Angela returned to the sofa.

"So Edward, how did you and Bella come to write the song?" she asked.

I was so relieved that she directed the question to him, because I had no idea what to say. We'd never discussed what 'story' would be more plausible to go with, because Edward knew I was not at all comfortable with the truth. My psychotic trance was not something I wanted to reveal to anyone else.

"I met Bella in the bar on level twenty-five, you know, the one that has the piano? I was working on the song and Bella was writing. After she heard me play the song a few times, she asked me if it had any words, and when I told her it didn't, the next night she presented me the words she thought may work with it. Right Bella?"

I felt pure heat from the blush that was spreading up my neck and onto my face. Edward explaining that we met in a bar like two ordinary people sounded so casual. Angela and Ben simply looked at him as if he was telling the absolute truth. I just nodded.

"That's so amazing. Did you change it much from that first draft?" Angela queried.

"I only changed the _he's_ to _she's_ because I could imagine the tabloid headlines if I didn't," he grinned and they all laughed. Then Ben asked Edward a technical question and that was that. They didn't speak of it again, and after a few minutes I started to loosen up a bit more.

I watched Ben and Edward potter around the computer and Angela asked me about what I had seen doing since arriving in Canada. It was obvious Edward had revealed to them that I had won a writing prize and Angela asked me why I chose to stay in a hotel and not rent a home.

"I did put feelers out for shared accommodation, but the thought of sharing a home with an absolute stranger terrified me, especially being in a city that I didn't know," I told her. "I thought I may as well take advantage of the fact the prize money would cover a hotel with plenty left over for side trips."

After more small talk and descriptions of Sydney, Ben and Edward went across to the piano and Edward started playing our song. I watched in awe, staying very quiet as he played it right through. Straight away, Ben told him to go again.

When they had finished, they started replaying the music from the computer and discussing what more they should add to it, and before I knew it the light had faded. The sun was setting and they hadn't even started recording Edward's voice.

Angela stood up and asked if I wouldn't mind helping her in the kitchen to prepare something to eat before we had to leave for the gig.

I heaved myself from the squishy sofa and followed Angela. When I reached the door I instinctively looked back at Edward and his eyes met mine. He smiled at me; he looked so blissfully happy in that instant, I wanted the image to be burned into my memory forever.

Angela had me slice some tomatoes, mix some dressing and tear up lettuce leaves for a garden salad. She had already made lasagna and I could smell the delectable aroma as she opened the oven door to take a look. I was excited to be in a kitchen again. I had been spoiled at the hotel, having everything prepared and presented to me; it made me think of home.

We set the small kitchen dining table for four and she opened a bottle of Henschke Mount Edelstone. I smiled to myself, recognizing the Australian label instantly.

_Maybe she chose it especially to make me feel at home? _

I felt really comfortable with Angela, and she treated me as if she had known me for ages.

"Bella, if you ever want to meet me for lunch during the week or go shopping on the weekend, please just call me okay? I can take you to the less expensive boutiques and I can show you the local side of Vancouver."

"That would be so great Angela, I haven't really explored very much." I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and asked for her number.

She gave it to me and ran to get hers, so now I had Angela Webber as my first contact in my phone list and I smiled to think that I could share some girly time with her and pick her brain on the best places to stay when I made my side trips.

"Okay, everything's ready; do you want to let the boys know that dinner will be on the table in five minutes? I'll serve this up."

I hurried back to the studio to see Ben and Edward huddled over the computer, listening as the song played. They had recorded Edward's voice and it sounded amazing. I stood in the doorway listening with my eyes closed. Every time I heard it I recollected the trance state I had been in when those words came to me, and then I thought of how Edward had shook my hand the night I gave him the lyrics and the pulsing current that went through me at the memory made my body shiver.

When the song finished I slowly opened my eyes. Edward was standing in front of me, close. The look on his face made my stomach twist, he was staring at me with a look of... could that be reverence?

"What do you think?" His voice sounded husky.

"I…I…it's great." I let out my breath in a long billowing sigh and glanced over to Ben, who had swiveled his chair around to look at us.

"It's better than great; it's fucking awesome!" Ben laughed and kicked Edward playfully in the back of the knee causing his body to lunge towards me. My hands flew up to stop him from falling and I literally felt a buzz of static electricity pass through me when my hands touched his arms.

I could feel my face flaming red. Edward's eyes were looking into mine intently.

"Angela sent me to tell you dinner is ready," my voice sounded too high pitched. I pulled my hands away and swallowed hard, turned on my heel and rushed back to the kitchen.

Angela was pouring the Henschke into the glasses. "Are they coming?"

"Yes," I squeaked. She didn't react to my obviously flustered state; she just motioned for me to sit in the chair closest to me.

She bounded over to the bench and expertly proceeded to balance three plates on her forearm like a professional.

_Calm down, get a grip!_

I took a tentative sip of wine. I could feel Edward's presence before I heard him enter the room. He was like an energy force surrounding me, and the tingle in my fingers intensified from where I had previously touched him.

As Edward sat next to me, his face broke out into a huge grin. "Ange, my favorite! You always spoil me."

"Well, you really should come over more often, especially while you're here filming. I could make you lasagna at least once a week. We could order pizza one night as well." Angela was expertly tossing the salad and serving Ben while she spoke.

"I'd love to but you wouldn't want them camping out on your front lawn every time. Believe me, it would drive you crazy, I wouldn't put you through that again." Edward took the salad servers from Angela and proceeded to dig them into the bowl.

I sat in silence, observing his elegant hands as they came to hover over the salad bowl and then his arms moved towards me as he placed the salad next to the lasagna on my plate.

My heart skipped a beat. I looked up to see a wry smile on Angela's lips, before she composed herself. Edward and Ben seemed completely oblivious to my silent freak out at Edward's casual and intimate gesture.

"Don't be ridiculous Edward. Why would we care if thirty paparazzos were outside freezing their butts off? You know we just want to see you."

"I know, Ange, sorry. I just hate that I can't come over unencumbered. It's not like I want you to get photographed leaving for work like the last time, and well, we don't need to go into that." He frowned as he cut a huge slice of lasagna and shoveled the steaming slice of pasta and cheese into his mouth.

I looked up at Ben, who was grinning and over to Angela who was blushing and I sensed that maybe this was a topic Edward didn't want to share with me.

Angela looked at me and giggled. "Edward stayed over one night, about twelve months ago. Once these boys start recording they lose all track of time. Anyway, the paps saw him leave here at six o'clock in the morning and well, let's just say when I left for work at eight, they all assumed that we, you know, and my photo was on every damn trashy magazine printed that week!" They all broke into laughter.

"My favorite was that headline, what was it again?" Ben chortled.

"Edward Cullen Withdrawls From Female Bank Teller After Hours." Angela couldn't help but scoff.

Edward looked mortified and Ben laughed so hard I thought he'd explode.

"Let's just say that I got some very unwarranted attention at the bank for a few days after that, until it was all cleared up." She smiled at me and then looked at Edward.

"Edward who gives a damn what they write? You know it's only about selling more magazines. Everyone is out to make a buck, don't take it personally; you know it just goes with being the hottest actor of the moment."

Angela was really insightful and now I understood why she would never sell her beautifully intimate pictures of Edward to these trashy magazines.

Everyone wanted a piece of him, ownership of him and to know about his personal life. No wonder he didn't want me to be mixed up with it all. His face had fallen somewhat from the sheer delight I'd seen earlier when he was recording with Ben.

The conversation switched then to the gig and Ben looked at his watch, saying he'd need to get there pretty quickly for the sound-check. Edward suggested that he go with Ben to the venue, because he knew the paps would follow him and then I could go with Angela later, closer to the time Ben was set to go on stage.

I agreed and as we finished our meal, Ben and Edward disappeared into the studio again and I helped Angela clear up the kitchen.

After a few minutes, Ben and Edward reappeared. "Okay, we'll see you later then?" Ben's hands snagged around Angela's waist as he leaned her against the kitchen counter and kissed her. The love emanating from them overwhelmed me. I blushed, feeling intrusive watching their embrace. I looked over to Edward, who briefly caught my eyes and then lowered his to the floor. My heart pounded in my chest.

"Ready?" said Ben as he grabbed his keys. Edward smiled at me then followed Ben out of the room. I heard the front door slam shut.

Angela continued what she was doing, without even noticing my embarrassed silence.

I thought of her and Ben and how magical it would be to have someone to share your whole life with, a person that knew you and loved you so completely.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

As soon as Ben and I left the house and walked to his car parked on the street, the camera flashes started. I smiled and gave them a wave before they started shouting my name, coaxing me to look directly into their lenses.

All I could think about was the look on Bella's face when she'd listened to the rough version of our song. I sensed she still didn't comprehend how amazing the song was. Her eyes had been closed, her lips ever so subtly mouthing the words. She looked so beautiful. I had immediately walked up to stand in front of her, to gaze at her, to inhale the floral aroma that always lingered near her. She had breathed out heavily and I had tasted her breath. It made my mouth water. I wanted to kiss her.

When Ben kissed Angela goodbye, I could have sworn I saw a look of longing in Bella's eyes. Did she want what Ben and Ange had; the closeness and familiarity that came from sharing your life, love, dreams and goals with another person?

"So what's with you and Bella?" Ben's voice brought me out of my own little world.

We were driving now, and I turned my head to see quite a few paps following. I knew it would be 'tweeted' and 'texted' and 'posted' and 'status updated' and all the other things within five minutes flat. Ben could guarantee a sell out concert tonight, and I wasn't blowing my own horn about it, it was just a fact.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I knew exactly what he meant, but I wanted to get his opinion on it.

"Well, God Edward. She's…well, I mean…it's like she was custom made for you man. She's gorgeous and a writer, she's intriguing and, well, she's _Australian_. Have you spoken to Alice yet?"

_Why did I ever think he would not bring that up?_

"No, I've been avoiding her. I can't deal with Alice right now; you know how she is."

Ben did know Alice, so I didn't feel the need to explain. Then I thought that maybe Bella would mention to Angela about being born in Forks and so I thought I'd better clue Ben in, just in case.

"Well, one of the reasons I've been putting off calling Alice is that Bella was born in Forks."

"What? I thought she was born in Australia?"

"Her parents divorced, she went with her mother. They moved to Australia when she was young. Her dad still lives in Forks."

I was waiting for Ben to piece the information together.

"What's her surname again?" Ben questioned.

"Swan," I stated, waiting for it to click.

"Fuck off Edward, the only Swan I know in Forks is the Chief of Police," he laughed as if I was playing a practical joke on him.

"Yes, Charlie Swan, Chief of Police, divorced, father of one." I glared at him to see his reaction.

"You're being serious? Charlie Swan is Bella's dad?"

"Yes."

"You've got to be kidding me! I _have_ to be there when you tell Alice; she's going to flip out!"

"Yeah, that's why I'm not telling her yet. I barely know Bella, we just met a couple of nights ago, but I do know I'm not going to expose her to the fucked up drama that is my life at the moment. I'm trying to focus on the song; I can't get my head around thinking about anything else right now."

"A-ha, sure. You haven't thought about it."

I could hear the sarcasm in his voice. Ben knew me well and he knew that even without the whole Alice drama, I would have been instantly attracted to Bella.

"I'll drop it then, if you ever want to talk about it, you know I'm here right?"

"Yeah, thanks man."

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

Angela and I talked all the way to club. She told me that she had been with Ben since they were juniors and she implied that Edward had a hand in pushing them together, but she didn't elaborate.

She happily dominated the conversation, giving me little snippets of insight as she described the Edward Cullen she knew at Forks High.

"Edward was obviously the most attractive guy in school. All the girls had gone gaga for him, but he never showed any preference, really." she said.

"None at all?" I queried.

_Is she implying he had a lot of girls at school?_

"Oh, he had one girlfriend, but it didn't work out," she snorted and then quickly carried on before I could question her. "Edward was and still is just a nice guy; he can speak to anyone regardless of age or gender without any hesitation. He spent most of his spare time composing; the only school related activity he participated in was the baseball team. Edward and Alice did almost everything together, that they were a close family. I always thought Edward would go on to study music at college; I'm not sure what had really sparked his interest in acting, because he didn't participate in drama activities at Forks High."

Before I knew it, the cab had pulled up in front of the club. Angela paid the driver. There were lots of people crowding the footpath, and as we stepped out, Angela grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd right up to the door.

"Angela! You're cutting it fine tonight!" The bouncer grinned and kissed her cheek before ushering us through.

The heat of the packed venue was stifling. Angela kept pulling me by the hand through the throng of people, ducking and weaving until we finally hit the wooden dance floor and shuffled our way to the right of the stage near the bar and passed another bouncer who nodded to her as we hurried by.

Angela opened the door and led me through a hallway to another door and when she opened it, my eyes instantly found Edward.

He was pacing, holding a beer and his brow was furrowed. Angela let go of my hand and bounded over to Ben, who was seated on the arm of a large black leather couch, tuning his acoustic guitar.

I looked back to Edward and he smiled widely at me as he walked quickly over to greet me. I was sure he would hear the thumping of my heart, as he got closer.

_Oh God, why does he have to be so gorgeous?_

It's as if my body is hard-wired to react to everything about him; his face, his eyes, his hands, even his delectable smell. Was this attraction what I leaned about in school biology? Edward's beauty was playing havoc with my body and mind. Maybe it was pure survival of the species instinct that made me want to reproduce with him.

I felt the blush creeping up my neck. He was the most perfect example of man I had ever encountered.

_Is that why can't I control these feelings around him?_

"Hi," he stopped close to me, but still too far. I felt myself leaning in his direction. He was a magnet. It was involuntary. No it wasn't. I _wanted_ to be near him. I wanted to touch him.

"Hi," my voice was barely above a whisper.

_Shit, snap out of it!_

"I don't think I'll venture into the audience tonight; it's a little crowded. Why don't you go out with Angela? I'll see you after the set?" he looked disappointed.

I must have looked disappointed as well. I simply nodded.

"Let me get you a drink OK? They'll go on stage in a few minutes."

I wanted to protest, but before I could say anything he had turned and walked towards the door. I stood and stared after him like a lost puppy.

_Breathe Bella, he's not for you, he's out of your league_ _he's just excited about being at a gig because he misses playing live. That's all._

What was it about being in this club that made me feel anxious, all my senses suddenly alert? It felt surreal; here I was in Vancouver, in a popular music venue, backstage!

_I've never been backstage in my life!_

I was surrounded by amazing musicians and the hottest actor on the planet just left the room to get _me_ a drink! I was so far out of my comfort zone that I felt like I was going to descend into a full-blown panic attack.

"Bella, are you OK?" Angela's concerned voice snapped me out of my daze.

Edward reappeared with two glasses of white wine, one for me and one for Angela.

"Thanks Edward, we'll be in the usual spot." Angela took her wine. Edward's long elegant fingers lingered on the stem of my glass as he handed it to me, then Angela grabbed my other hand and pulled me back through the hallway to the side of the stage and out into the audience.

Simultaneously the crowd in the packed venue started cheering and clapping and calling out for Ben. Angela guided me to the right of the stage closest to the bar. I took a long gulp of my wine. I wanted to be standing with Edward.

"Are you Ok?" Angela repeated, she had her hand on my elbow. Her voice rose over the din.

"Yes," I gushed. "I'm just overwhelmed, it's so exciting!"

She squeezed my elbow and turned back to look at the stage.

The house lights dimmed and the roar was deafening. Angela whistled with two fingers in her mouth and I laughed, thrilled with anticipation. I instantly understood the lure of playing to a live audience. Adrenaline pumped throughout my body and then I fantasized about how utterly fantastic would it be to be standing here waiting for Edward to walk onstage and perform our song.

Our song; Edward's music with my psychotic ramblings.

_Is that why he is being so nice to me? We haven't signed any contracts yet._ _Does he think I'll change my mind?_

Then I stupidly thought about Riley.

I'd built up Riley in my mind; my imagination had constructed him as the perfect boy. To me, Riley was everything I had ever wanted. From the moment he had kissed me at that party, I had directed all my creativity into building a false image of who he was. It had taken me a long time and a lot of heartache to realize that I'd never known the real Riley Biers.

_I can't put Edward on a pedestal like I did with Riley_.

I knew if I did that I would be hurt again.

_There's no way I could survive it a second time._

Had I been a normal teenager, I would have had posters of bands and actors all over my bedroom walls when I was growing up. Normal teenage projections of love, desire and adoration, directed at someone you would never meet, a star, a lead singer in a rock band.

Instead, I poured all that idealization into Riley Biers. He _was_ my idol; he represented everything I thought I'd ever want. Of course, no one could live up to that. If only I had recognized it sooner. Had I not been so caught up with my idealized fake image of who Riley was, I would have gone to live with my dad in Forks.

_I would have met Edward, Angela and Ben in High School_.

_I'm so fucking tragic._

I glanced around at the audience. The buzz in the room was amazing.

_I hope Edward is experiencing this, wherever he's standing right now._

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

Ben and his band walked onto the stage I slipped to my usual spot behind the black curtain. From this vantage point I could see the entire stage, yet I was concealed enough so that the audience couldn't see me. I searched to find where Angela usually stood, and then I saw her.

_Bella_.

_Fuck_.

She was laughing, she had pulled her hair back, the skin of her neck glowed from the reflection of the lights swirling around the audience. She kept looking toward the right hand stage door.

_Is she looking for me?_

I spent the whole gig staring at her. Fantasizing that I was on stage and Bella was my girlfriend, gazing at me from the audience. I was mesmerized by how her body swayed to the music, how she sipped her wine, how she watched other people, contemplating, smiling. She leaned to cup Angela's ear to ask her a question over the hubbub and I groaned.

I wanted to be next to her. I wanted her to be leaning in to cup _my_ ear

_What is she asking Angela?_

I continued to stare at her, oblivious to anything else around me. She was everything I'd ever wanted. I wanted her now, in _every_ way.

_Fuck_.

I stepped back behind the curtain so I couldn't see her. I took a deep breath.

_Friends, we'll be friends_.

I couldn't get intimate with her. I had to do what I'd always done in work situations.

_We'd be friends; business colleagues_.

This was turning into my fucking mantra, but I couldn't be with her any other way until the song was signed to be on the soundtrack.

I did something I don't often allow myself. I let myself think about Tanya.

I met her when I was starting my career in acting. We had what she called 'a fling'. I'd wanted more. It still messed with my head to think about her. It had shocked me to see her use anything or anyone to get where and what she wanted. She had crushed hearts and trashed careers to get ahead. She abused her power, her beauty, her status as an actor; she had no morals and no professional ethics.

_I'd been drawn to her, what did that make me?_

I swore that I would never do what she did. I could never allow that to happen, especially not to Bella.

Thinking about Tanya made me want to smoke. I was worked up, and I needed to calm myself the fuck down. Smoking would be the worst thing I could do right now. Bella would be able to smell it on me and I hadn't smoked or wanted to smoke since I found out she hated cigarettes.

_Fucking Tanya, her introducing me to my foul habit was another reason to cut it completely_. I didn't want that constant reminder of her.

I took a deep breath and pushed Tanya firmly back to the recesses of my mind.

I could do this. I would do the right thing. I glanced at the stage and stepped forward to allow myself another peek at Bella, rapt while she moved to the music and watched the band.

The audience was wild, like the crowds that surrounded me every day of my life, every time I stepped foot in public. It would be so easy to use that. According to the media I was already some man-whore who had scores of willing girls for breakfast lunch and dinner. Girls like Bella.

_It's not going to happen._

Once the song was recorded and all business was finished, I could be with Bella then. That is, if she wanted _me_.

As if it could get any more difficult, I'd finally met someone, and she lived in a different country. Not to mention, once I'd finished this film, I would be in Europe for four months after Christmas, and then straight back to the U.S. for my next film. Regardless of what Alice was going to say, Bella would have to want to be with me, for the right reasons.

_Friends. That's all we could be, for now._

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I kept looking towards the stage door, wondering what he was doing back there.

_God, he can't even stand in the audience to watch his best friend's band play_.

He couldn't leave the hotel without fans and paparazzi stalking him. I'd never appreciated my freedom until that moment, and I'd never actually theorized on the cult of celebrity. My gut bottomed out, I felt faint.

The crowd cheered and whistled, the atmosphere was electric. I asked Angela to hold my wine for a moment while I pulled my hair back, the proximately of people and my previous anxiousness making me hot and sweaty. Angela was whistling again and I laughed. Then Ben and his band walked onto the stage. Angela was glowing with love and pride.

The band was fantastic and their audience captivated by the mix of songs. Ben even off-handedly alluded to Edward and his popularity, causing more than a few women in the audience to scream their heads off.

I felt inadequate, I felt unworthy. I was crushed with jealousy and depression.

I couldn't be with Edward romantically. I'd have to rein in my lust. I would be his friend. I could pretend, even fool myself into believing that he didn't affect me physically. Mentally was another matter. How could I resist him? He was intelligent, thoughtful, creative, alluring.

He was everything I've ever wanted, but he could never be mine.

~0~

**A/N: Have you ever been backstage? Please leave me a review…**


	6. Brace

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

_**Good morning, you got back**_ _**to**_ _**the hotel OK? B**_

_**Yes, where R U? E**_

_**My room, you? B**_

_**Gym, working out, not easy**_ _**after too many beers. E**_

_**Oh, have fun!**_ _**Will I**_ _**still**_ _**see you tonight**_, _**VIP bar? B**_

_**Have you eaten lunch yet? E**_

_**No. B**_

_**Have lunch with me? E**_

_**Sure, where? B**_

_**Usual spot, 2pm. E**_

_**The bar? B**_

_**Yep, see U there 2. E**_

_**OK, B**_

~~Bella~~

_Friends ate lunch together, right?_ I couldn't refuse his invitation. Why should I choose to be alone in this hotel when I knew he was here somewhere alone as well? It was 11.45am, a Sunday. I'd only have to kill two hours and fifteen minutes before I could see him.

_Crap_!

After the gig last night, Angela had taken me backstage. I had one of those panic attack moments and decided that I wouldn't hang around for long. Edward seemed to be acting a little distant, and I thought it may have something to do with the fact that he was surrounded by musicians, getting caught up with the thrill of it all, but being forced to stay out of the public eye because he feared being mobbed.

I stayed close to Angela. We chatted and she introduced me to the other band members and their partners. Edward would occasionally catch my eye and smile, but it wasn't the gloriously sexy grin he usually gave me, it was almost reserved, timid. I made an excuse about being tired and hurriedly said goodbye to Ben and Angela, thanking them for dinner, before walking cautiously to Edward.

"I'm going back to the hotel; I'm feeling a little sleepy."

"Okay, well then I'll see you in the bar tomorrow night." It wasn't a question, his words sounded forced and my mind started reeling back to remember if I had said something to have made him upset with me.

"Well, yes, I'll be writing, I expect so. I mean I'll be there." _Fuck, I have to get out of here_. My face blushed in embarrassment.

I started for the door. "Bella, hold up a minute," I froze as he came up behind me. I glanced back at him.

"Um, sorry, I wish I could go back with you, to the hotel. It's just that there will be photographers and fans out there, and I really don't want you to have to deal with that shit." He wasn't looking at me; rather he was playing with the label on his Heineken, which he had started to pick from the bottle.

"That's okay; I didn't expect you to come with me. See you tomorrow." I spun quickly and hurried towards the stage door. When I walked through it, there were about twenty or so women milling around and all of them were straining their necks to look through the door before it closed, obviously hoping to get a glimpse of Edward Cullen.

I almost laughed. He could have any one of those women; any one of them would shed their clothing for him in an instant. I was no better than them. I was allowing my mind to construct unrealistic fantasies that involved him, and after tonight, they would involve a certain too low and squishy sofa in his best friend's music studio!

_So much for me trying to curb my lust for Edward Cullen._

I sent him the text because I was still stressing about what could have spun his mood during the gig. I had no reason to think it had anything to do with me, yet I was worried it might.

_Maybe he'll tell me at lunch. We're friends._

~~Edward~~

I couldn't stop berating myself for my behavior towards Bella last night. She had no idea that I had watched her the entire set and debated to myself why I couldn't just man-up and tell her about my feelings. She had no idea that I had made a promise to myself that we would just be friends until the whole song thing was sorted. She had no idea about my history with Tanya. I felt wretched.

When I received her text message, I knew I couldn't wait to see her. Sunday lunch. We could share a meal and talk about the song. _Talk about last night_.

_Friends_.

I lifted weights, expending my pent-up frustration into the workout. I couldn't get Bella out of my mind, and I didn't want to think about how I was going to deal with Alice. _Why can't any of this be simple?_

I knew this would be a turning point. If we were going to be just friends, I would _not_ be able to touch her, or talk about anything suggestive or flirty. I certainly would NOT be using my, according to Ben, 'panty-drop' smile.

I continued my reps, adding more weights to the bar as I went. I was sweating, adrenaline coursing through me. Just the thought of seeing Bella and eating another meal with her was motivating me.

"Edward! _Fuck_, what are you trying to do?"

Emmett grabbed on to the bar, holding it easily, and stared down at me with a strange look on his face.

"What?"

"Are you trying to win Gold? Do you want to actually use your arms tomorrow?"

He lifted the bar completely from my grasp and placed it back on its frame. I lay there, trying to calm myself, feeling the sting and stretch in my muscles. I groaned.

"Hey, it's not my place to ask, but you've been acting a bit strange this morning."

Emmett had been my bodyguard for almost two years. The studio hired him after my first movie broke box-office records and I became like some piece of meat to hundreds of stalker fans.

I sat up on the bench, took in Emmett's concerned and sympathetic expression and proceeded to blurt the whole thing; meeting Bella in the bar, her writing the song lyrics, about the demo I was to play to the director tomorrow. It was a relief to tell someone about her, someone that did not know my sister Alice.

"The worst is, I'm having a hard time reconciling the way she makes me feel against knowing I can't get intimate with someone I'm in a professional relationship with."

"God, don't tell me, I know how _that_ feels."

I looked at him quizzically, "What do you mean..?" but he diverted the conversation straight back to me.

"You're doing the right thing," Emmett nodded. "You just need to keep it casual. Pretend like she's your sister or something, when she touches you or you think inappropriate thoughts. That's what I do."

"Does that work?" I couldn't hide the skepticism in my voice.

"Mostly. Shit, I'll be honest; it doesn't work all the time. But, I don't have a sister; it should be easier for you to do that, right. Just think about your sister, which should like, you know, turn you off?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Emmett made sense, in a twisted way. Maybe I could treat Bella like she was my sister. Alice and I were best friends. And I'd never had a problem being friends with girls.

Except Bella wasn't just any girl.

I finished my workout and cooled down before going back to my room to shower and change. I called the VIP bar to tell them I wanted to dine there with Ms Swan at two. Of course they would accommodate my request. They said the restaurant would give my order priority. I fucking loved some bonuses of being an actor. I just never wanted to be an asshole that used that power inappropriately.

I played my guitar to chill out, and did my best to keep my mind off Bella. The demo Ben and I had recorded yesterday was beckoning me to listen, but I knew if I did, I'd want to change or add something, and there was no way I could do anything else to it. It was good enough to give the director an idea on whether he wanted it or not.

The clock read 1.53pm. I took a deep breath as I left my room to go and meet my friend Bella for lunch.

~~Bella~~

I didn't have many guy friends back home. Most of the men I knew were dating my friends, so there were never any issues of attraction. Also, none of them were as gorgeously sexy, beautiful or lick-able as Edward Cullen. _But hey, I can do this!_ I remembered my chant. _He's just an ordinary guy._

Well, that wasn't true, he was anything but ordinary, he was too beautiful, intelligent, funny, sexy, talented. _Get a grip!_

I swiped my card over the reader and walked into the bar. I had only ever been in the bar at night. Now the room was bathed in natural daylight, the atmosphere was surreal. I turned to look out the floor to ceiling glass windows to see the sun glinting off the blue water of the Burrard Inlet. It was simply breathtaking.

Edward was already sitting at _my_ booth, menu in hand, Heineken on the table.

_Mmmm even more breathtaking than the view. Fuck, just breathe._

"Hi," he greeted me, without his normally sexy smirk. _Thank God._

_See, ordinary._

"Hey, how was the workout?" I tried so very hard, but I couldn't help looking at his arms and hands. _Yum, not so ordinary._

"Tough. I think I overdid it. Lucky for me I'm not doing any strenuous scenes tomorrow."

I slid into my normal spot in the middle of the booth. Edward handed me the menu.

"Here, take a look and we'll order. They'll bring the meals up to us here. I don't like eating in public; there's nothing more publishable than a photo of me stuffing my face."

We both laughed. _This might be easier than I thought._

We ordered and Edward started talking about the song and how he was going to play it to the director and the producer tomorrow. He seemed really excited as he told me how awesome it would sound when professionally recorded. He talked about the sound engineers he had always wanted to work with, how it would feel to work with an orchestra.

I tried to keep him talking, because he was back to his normal self, minus the sexy smiles and casual touches. I didn't want to ruin the moment by asking why his mood was off last night.

We ate, still chatting away. I asked him about the plot of the movie, his favorite films and what he did in his spare time. The conversation was flowing freely. Unlike previous times we had talked he didn't stare into my eyes or give me that intense attention. It was comfortable, and _friendly_. I felt myself loosen up.

Then he stopped talking mid-sentence, thrust his hips towards the top of the table and dug his long fingers into the front pocket of his jeans, just like he did the other night.

Instead of turning me on, it made me giggle, because really, he was just getting his phone out of his pocket. I hadn't had sex in three years; of course anything even mildly suggestive had made me want to jump him.

He glanced at me.

"What? My phone is vibrating," he laughed. He looked at the screen and then placed his iPhone on the seat next to him, his brow furrowed.

"Aren't you going to answer it?" I questioned.

"No, it's my sister Alice. I can't speak to her right now."

"Why's that, did you have a fight or something?" Angela had told me they were very close, so I was curious to know why he wouldn't answer her call.

"No, it's just I know she is going to bug me about something and I don't want to have to deal with it. I'll call her back later. When she gets talking, she rabbits on for hours." He laughed and drained his bottle of Heineken.

_Okay, he'd rather speak to her when he was alone_. I didn't ponder too long; instead I asked him something I had been dying to know.

"What music do you listen to, I mean, what bands do you really, really love? Sorry, I sound like one of those pop magazine journos, don't I?" I laughed.

His face lit up in a huge grin. I saw he lived and breathed music. Of course, that must be what made him so unhappy last night. He would have been itching to get on that stage.

Edward proceeded to describe to me in detail the songs he loved, the musicians that inspired and influenced him. He spoke about Ben's music and then Jasper Whitlock's, who he explained was Alice's boyfriend. His tastes ranged from classical Austrian composers to a Welsh indie folk artist.

"How about I make you a playlist?" His eyes were shinning with enthusiasm.

"Yes!" I laughed, nodding my head instantly.

"So, what about Australian music?" he asked.

"Well, I can make a playlist for you too." We grinned at each other.

Time fell away. It was working. I could now confidently look at my friend Edward Cullen and not go weak at the knees.

~~Edward~~

Bella kept asking me questions and I let go and told her everything. It was liberating. I was used to restraining myself from revealing too much. As she inadvertently reminded me, the only people that asked me these types of questions were journalists and more often than not they would misrepresent my words to get a better headline.

We'd been chatting non-stop; there were no uncomfortable pauses, no stunned silences. I felt comfortable speaking to her; she was an intent and easy listener. Before I knew it, people were arriving at the previously empty bar, ordering drinks, chatting. I looked over the top of the piano out to the view. The sky was dark. I glanced at my iPhone. We'd been sitting there for three and half hours.

"I've been keeping you from your writing." I said. "How's everything coming along with it?"

"Umm, it's not coming along at all." She looked frustrated.

"What do you mean?"

"The last thing I wrote was the song. I thought that once I gave you the lyrics, I'd be cured of writer's block, but it hasn't turned out that way. I haven't touched my novel since Wednesday night."

Here I was worrying about whether the director was going to like the song and she was suffering writers' block and not saying anything about it to me. _Some friend I was turning out to be._

"Okay, we need to work on that. Why don't you get your laptop and we'll workshop through what may be the issue," I encouraged. I wanted to help her embrace her creativity and I remembered my mental promise to myself to do just that.

"Um, I don't know, I'm sort of finicky about showing people my stuff before it's edited," Bella replied. She looked extremely apprehensive.

"Okay, then maybe you can help _me_ with something?" If I can get her thinking creatively about things, she may be able to break through it on her own.

"Sure, I'd love to help. What is it?"

"It's the second song I've been working on. The music just isn't coming together; I'd really like to play what I have for you so far."

"I would love to hear it Edward," her face lit-up in an excited grin and she bounced in her seat. I laughed to cover my startled reaction. _Why did she have to be so goddamn alluring?_

_Think of her like a sister! Pretend she's Alice._

I smiled at her, walked over to the piano and started to play. This composition was more upbeat than _Episode_. The bare bones were solid, but it didn't flow. I stumbled through it, and then tried playing it at a different pace, but it just didn't work.

Bella stood at my left hand side, the same spot she'd been standing three nights ago when she handed me her lyrics. I felt the static charge before I met her eyes. She was smiling, hands on her hips. "I think maybe we'd both be better equipped to get through our creative blockages on a weekday! I'll meet you back here tomorrow night?"

I must have looked disappointed.

"We can sleep on it then come back and motivate each other, that's what friends do, right?"

_She's right. Friends. I fucking can't wait until tomorrow night._

~~Bella~~

Monday morning was cool and overcast. I decided I needed to do some exploring so I went for a walk. I had a map, and no sense of direction, so it didn't take me long to get lost, or rather, I misplaced myself.

It was just before midday, so I found a little café and ordered a coffee. I decided to send Edward a text; he probably wouldn't get it straight away, but maybe on a break?

_**Have you spoken to**_ _**the director yet? B**_

I hit send, then remembered that Angela suggested I meet her for lunch. I took a chance and called her. Maybe she could help me figure out where the hell I was.

"Bella! I was just about to call you! Can you meet me for lunch?"

"You read my mind Angela, I'm somewhere in the City, but umm I'm kinda lost." I twisted the map around, idiotically. _I should really find what street I'm on_.

"Okay, just get in a cab and tell them to take you to the Bank of Montreal on Burrard Street. I'll be okay to leave in ten minutes. My favorite café isn't far from here."

"Okay, I'll see you soon." I popped the phone back in my pocket and tried to re-fold the map, to no avail. _Stupid map. _I shoved it into my backpack, creasing the edges and possibly ripping the end off.

Angela was waiting for me when I got to the bank and we strolled to the café she'd suggested. She asked me what I had being doing, apart from getting lost, and if I'd enjoyed Ben's concert.

"Ben's band is fantastic Angela; you must be so excited for him."

"Yes! He's recording a few songs at the moment for an E.P. and he's planning a mini tour of the U.S. which I'm really hoping coincides with Thanksgiving, so we can spend time with my family in Forks." She grinned expectantly, and I wondered if she knew that Charlie Swan was my dad. The look on her faced confirmed it.

"Did Edward tell you about Charlie?" I asked as we sat at table for two by the huge glass windows at the front of the café. The waitress brought a jug of water and glasses.

"Well, he told Ben and Ben told me. I can't believe it Bella; my dad is a pastor and he knows your dad really well. Shame you didn't live with your dad, we would have been best friends, at the same school together, that would have been so awesome!"

"Did Edward tell Ben that I nearly went to live with Charlie when I was sixteen?"

"No! You were going to? Well, I mean you obviously didn't, what happened?" _Oh, why didn't I keep my mouth shut? _I hesitated. _Of course I can tell her_. Angela didn't seem like the type of girl to gossip, even to Edward. I launched into the sordid details.

"I had a crush on this boy in school. His name was Riley Biers." My heart rate spiked when I spoke his name.

"Anyway, he kissed me once, at a party, when I was fourteen. I always hoped that he would ditch his girlfriend and ask me out. When my mum thought I was being a little obsessive about the whole thing, she tried to get me live in Forks with Charlie for a year. I hate to say it, I was so completely infatuated with Riley, I couldn't bear to move so far away from him. I look back now, and realize how immature I was."

"Hey, that's not so immature. You know I liked Ben for a really long time, but he never let on that he liked me. We hung out and studied together, but he never made a move. I was about to give up all hope, when out of the blue he asked me out! I'm pretty sure Edward prompted Ben after he caught me in history class scribbling _Angela Cheney_ on the inside of my notebook," she giggled, a happy smile played on her lips.

I smiled back, remembering my own high school scrawling - _Bella Biers_, _Isabella Biers_, _Isabella Marie Biers_…I felt myself blush. The waitress returned to take our lunch order.

"Don't you wish you knew then what you know now?" said Angela. "I should have asked Ben out myself, none of that pining and waiting around. I would have been more assertive!" she looked at me with a wry smile and I felt my blush expand. _She isn't insinuating that I should ask Edward out, surely?_

"I suppose so," I sighed. "I was pretty shy in school. I don't think I could have handled the rejection, and Riley already had a girlfriend, a really scary one!"

"So what happened with him?"

"When he was nineteen, he had a terrible motorcycle accident."

"Oh, Bella, I'm sorry…I…"

"No, Angela it's okay; he was hurt really badly - he suffered a spinal injury - but he eventually recovered. Actually, if he hadn't had the accident we would have never been together."

"You were together?"

"Yes. When I found out he was in the hospital I sort of lost it, you know? I had such intense feelings for him, I thought he was going to die and I knew I would never forgive myself if he did and I lost the chance to tell him how I felt." I took another gulp of water.

Angela sat forward in her seat. "So what happened?"

We were interrupted as the waitress placed our meals in front of us. She smiled apologetically and disappeared.

"I rushed to the hospital as soon as I heard; I couldn't see him, of course. He was in intensive care for days. I went back every day to ask how he was. The doctors kept him in a drug-induced coma; they were concerned about his spinal injuries. Eventually they moved him to his own room. For weeks I visited him every weekday. One of the nurses must have worked me out, so she spoke to his mum. She confronted me, and I told her I was a _friend_ of Riley's from school." I felt my heart race as I thought back. I had never recounted this story to anyone.

"I would go to the hospital in between my Uni classes, to just sit with him, read him poetry, or the daily comics from the newspaper, stuff like that. He was still with his girlfriend, but she went to Macquarie University, which was forty minutes away. She only visited at nights and weekends, so it was easy to avoid her."

I took a bite of my salad sandwich, then washed it down with some water.

"I don't know how long he was unconscious for, weeks, months? Then one day I overheard the doctors talking to his mum. They'd stopped whatever drugs they had been using to keep him under and were concerned he hadn't woken up yet. I was freaked out. Next time I sat with Riley I was so emotional, I ended up crying and saying that I needed him to wake up so I could tell him something."

Angela scooted her chair closer to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "You don't have to tell me Bella, if it's upsetting you."

"No, it's okay. Riley woke up that night. They did some tests. He had spinal cord damage. They said they could operate and he would recover. He was in hospital for another six months. I kept up the daily visits and we would talk. We became friends. I was happy with that; I knew he was still with his girlfriend, Victoria."

"The scary one?" Angela queried.

"Yes. I used to be delusional about that, but once I saw he was going to be okay, I sort of accepted he'd be with her and I accepted that we would only ever be friends. He never led me on or anything,"

"But you were together, after that?" she sounded confused.

"When Riley had been through his operations and started rehabilitation he went home from the hospital. I couldn't go to his house - too masochistic, even for me! I still had these intense feelings, but inside I knew nothing could ever happen. I didn't see him, or have any contact with him after that. But five months later he turned up at my front door."

"Oh my God Bella, that must have been weird?"

"It was, I was in shock. He had fully recovered. He looked fantastic, like he'd never even been in an accident. We talked for ages. He said he'd tried resuming his studies but he'd ended up working for Victoria's father instead, to pay his parents back for his medical bills. Then he thanked me for visiting him. In fact, he told me the reason he pushed himself to recover was so he could thank me. He asked me out for dinner."

"And…?" Angela prompted me.

"Oh, and he told me Victoria had left to go to the U.S. on a backpacking holiday. More than that, he hinted they had split up."

Angela's eyebrows shot up.

"So he took me to dinner and we kept in contact. He would call me; he came to my apartment after work and on weekends. Then, well, I was still in love with him, and we - well, we got together." I could feel the heat of my blush. Angela just sighed as if she knew what I meant.

"You guys must have been happy then?" she couldn't disguise the inflection of doubt.

"I was blissfully happy; I finally had the boy I had always wanted. We lived and breathed each other. It was the best three months of my life."

"Only three months?" Angela's eyes furrowed. I took in a deep breath. _I could say it out loud. It was three long years ago. I can talk about it now. It happened, I'm getting over it._

"He hadn't really split up with Victoria. She came back from her trip, in fact, she had been back for three weeks before I found out."

"What? You mean he was two-timing you?" Angela's voice rose in anger. I felt a dead weight in the pit of my stomach.

"I ended it as soon as I realized. I didn't speak to him. I cut him completely out of my life. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. I went on holiday to LA and San Francisco as soon as University broke over summer."

"Oh Bella, I don't know what to say, that's...awful!" Angela was rubbing my back, then she rummaged through her bag and offered me a tissue, even though I refused to let myself cry.

"Thanks Angela, I'll be okay, it's just that I thought he loved me. He said he did. I felt pretty stupid; I mean, I should have guessed something wasn't right. We hardly ever went out, he'd always come to my place. I never met any of his friends, it's like he hid me away. I was his dirty little secret and the frustrating part of it was that I didn't even think that was strange at the time. As long as I could be with him I was happy. I thought we were happy, together."

"Hey Bella, that's not your fault, you didn't know."

"I'm sorry Angela; I've taken up half your lunch break whining over Riley Biers, he doesn't deserve another thought. You must have to head back soon?"

"No, not yet, let's get a coffee. How about you come over to my house tomorrow night for dinner? Ben is going to be at band rehearsals. We can watch a movie and just hang out?" She gave me a big smile.

"I would love that. Angela, a girly night is exactly what I need!" _She didn't know how much._

~~Edward~~

I was back in my trailer for a wardrobe change so I checked my phone. Three missed calls from Alice and one text message from Bella.

_**Have you spoken t**_o _**the director yet? B**_

I couldn't help but smile; just knowing she had taken the time to type a message to me. _I wonder what she's doing._

**Yes, going to have dinner** **with him tomorrow night. E**

I had been hoping that the director would just let me play the song for him but no, at his insistence we had to 'have dinner'. The executive producer had gone to LA on urgent business and I got the impression that the director was a little lonely and missing his family, so I agreed, as long as it was just us and he didn't tell the fucking PR people about it. There was nothing more appetite destroying than having the paparazzi show up and photograph me through the windows of a restaurant.

But dinner with him would mean a late night out; I wouldn't be able to meet Bella in the bar. _SHIT_!

**Cool! I'm going over to Ben and** **Angela's tomorrow for girly night! B**

_What?_ _Fuck_! I called her number straight away.

"Hi Edward," I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Hey Bella, you're going to hang out with Angela tomorrow night?" I tried to keep my voice calm. I don't know why I'd panicked; I just didn't want Ange accidently slipping any details about Alice.

"Yes, we had lunch today and she suggested it. Ben is rehearsing tomorrow, so Angela and I are going to hang out, watch a chick flick, you know, girly stuff!"

She sounded excited. I pushed away my stupid paranoia and let myself be glad. Angela was the kind of friend Bella needed. She was kind, supportive and not at all a gossip.

"You'll have a great time with Angela, but be warned, she'll make you watch some Johnny Depp movie, guaranteed," I laughed. It was so easy to talk to Bella. Yesterday had been wonderful. I was looking forward to seeing her tonight.

"Well, I quite like Johnny Depp so that won't be an issue! I'll still see you in the bar tonight, won't I?" _It's like she can read my mind._

"Yes, I'll be there, but I'm not sure what time we'll be finishing up." I put on my best authoritative Head Master voice. "Have you attempted writing at all today, Miss Swan?"

"Umm, no, I went exploring this morning and I just got back from having lunch with Angela, so I'm going to open my laptop as soon as you hang up!" She laughed. The sound made my pulse accelerate and I imagined her lying across my hotel bed stripped down to her panties and…_Fuck!_

_Think of Alice, think of Alice._

"Well, I'll let you get to it then. See you tonight Bella."

"Bye Edward."

~0~

**A/N: ****know, I know, slow burn...so to alleviate my frustration at these two, I wrote a smutty one-shot for the Twific Auto Erotica Challenge. It's called **_**Extremities**_** and you can read it here:**

**www dot fanfiction dot net/s/5729995/1/Extremities **


	7. Stave

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

~~Bella~~

I hung up from Edward and did a little internal squealing. _I'll get to see him tonight in the bar_. I started to make myself a cup of tea, smiling as I boiled the electric kettle and ripped open the little sachet of sugar. I instantly knew what I wanted to do.

Sitting at the little desk in my hotel room I opened my laptop and then launched iTunes and created a new playlist. I named it simply 'Edward'.

I'd been thinking about making one since our discussion at lunch yesterday. I wanted to make a playlist especially for Edward that included all of my favorite Australian bands. I had a ridiculous amount of music.

I knew I could fill in a lot of time compiling it. I started thinking about what songs Edward may put together for me, and whether he'd ever have the time. I mean, he was working on the film an average of seventeen hours a day. I was lucky that he wanted to spend time with me in the bar after a grueling day at work.

_Edward doesn't spend time in the bar just to see me; he wants to play the piano_. It's not like he could go anywhere else.

_Friends. He's just an ordinary guy… ARGHHH._

I had learned so much about him yesterday. He told me about his family, although he didn't really go into details when speaking about his twin sister Alice. I knew that he had already signed on to do two more movies when this one was finished. The next one would be filmed in London, and he would go there in January. I knew now that he did miss being able to play live on a stage to an audience. I had been right; he really did enjoy his music more than acting.

I clicked on a song and thought about how wonderful it would be to hear Edwards voice, to see him play the guitar or the piano on stage. I remembered Angela's photograph in Ben's home studio; the intense look on Edward's face. _Would it be creepy of me to ask Angela to print me a copy of the photograph?_

Then I had this amazing idea. What if I could find somewhere in Vancouver that Edward could play on stage? It was probably impossible, but maybe worth investigating. Maybe Mike the concierge could suggest somewhere? _It would have to be a secret gig. No, that would be impossible to arrange. Maybe I can ask Edward to bring his guitar up to the bar, but that's hardly the same as playing in a real club._

I took a sip of steaming tea and contemplated. I knew I should really be trying to work on my novel. Then my phone rang. I grabbed it off the desk. It was Charlie!

"Hi dad!"

"Hey Bells, are you enjoying Vancouver?" He sounded tired. I knew he loved his job, but he never took any holidays. He must have been worn out.

I hadn't seen Charlie since I was eighteen. We used to talk on the phone often, but that tapered off when I went to University. I was genuinely excited at the thought of seeing him, and eager to tell him about my new acquaintances.

"Vancouver is great; the city is fantastic. I've met some amazing people. Dad, I met Angela Weber! She said her dad is a pastor in Forks? She lives here with her boyfriend Ben Cheney."

"Well, really Bells? Angela and Ben. Yes, I know their parents."

"I also met Edward Cullen; he's here filming a movie. He told me you know his family?" I tried not to sound too excited, but I don't think I really succeeded.

"Edward huh. Yeah, I know the Cullens. Esme Cullen did a lot of fundraising for the hospital when Dr Cullen worked there. So, Edward _is_ an actor?" I balked. Charlie was never one for being up on contemporary movies or world news. He was so insular in his work and environment; nothing outside of Forks interested him, unless maybe a crime spree in Seattle or something to do with sports.

"Yes, Edward is a pretty big global star dad. I'm surprised you haven't noticed that he's on the cover of practically every magazine you can buy!"

"Err, yeah, well he always was a good-looking kid." I almost laughed. Did Charlie really think he got by on his looks alone? I suppose some people might think that, but regardless of his exceptional beauty, he was pretty fucking talented and you really only had to watch his films to see how diverse his skills were. Not to mention his musical ability.

I didn't really want to start gushing over Edward to Charlie. He knew about the 'Riley crush' and I would hate for him to assume that I was slipping back into that mind frame when I was determined not to. I also decided against telling him about the song. I'd rather tell him about that in person.

"When are you coming up to visit me?" I questioned, waiting for his excuse, wondering what it would be.

"Well Bells, I thought you could come and spend Thanksgiving with me this year."

"Thanksgiving is four months away! I was hoping you could come up to Canada. Maybe we could fly to Niagara together, you always promised to take me." I sounded a little peeved.

We were not close; I knew it was because we never really spent a lot of time together when I was growing up. The two to three week visits to Forks every two years or so was never enough time to bond. I would spend at least three days getting over the exhaustion of traveling from Sydney to Forks and then, he'd always try to take me fishing or drag me to the Station while he filled in 'urgent' paperwork.

I was an adult now, and I wanted to know Charlie better.

"I don't think I can get away Bells. I'm covering a lot of shifts until we can get some fresh blood. We lose all the good cops to Port Angeles or Seattle. Our tiny town is pretty much crime-free, and that can be quite boring for young officers." I sensed his pride when he claimed Forks was crime-free. I knew he lived to make that statement fact.

"Please, dad? I specifically chose Vancouver so you could come and see me. Surely you can get away, especially if Forks is so free of crime?" _Try and argue your way out of that one Charlie!_

"Ah, well, yeah, I suppose I could. I'll see what I can do, but you will come back home for Thanksgiving anyway?"

"Sure, I'd love to." It made me smile. Charlie still referred to his house in Forks as my home. I'd sometimes forget that Charlie had never lived anywhere else. The house had been Grandma Swan's. She had given it to Charlie and Renee when I was born. Mum thought that she could convince Charlie to move from Forks; she wanted to live in a big city. Instead the homey white house had made him want to stay, to give me the childhood that he had.

There was never any doubt that my parents had loved one another, but Renee wanted to see the world. Charlie on the other hand was happy in his hometown and the Forks community. Their love hadn't been enough to get past their differences.

"Okay, well then. I'll call you soon." Charlie wasn't the chatty type.

"Bye dad, look after yourself."

"I always do. Bye Bells," the phone disconnected.

I sat for a long time; thinking about my dad, wondering what it would have been like if I had gone to Forks when I was sixteen. I couldn't dwell, it didn't happen.

I cleared my head and continued to scrawl through my music library. Most of the songs I hadn't listened to in a long time…in three years. My fingers hovered over the track pad. Would it hurt too much to listen to them now? Could I listen to the songs that reminded me of Riley without completely freaking out or falling into a self-pitying depression?

_I hadn't fallen into it when I told Angela about some of my history with Riley this morning. Maybe I can listen to one song._

I double-clicked on the track. _Middle of the Hill, _by Josh Pyke, and automatically my mind reeled to recall a particular day.

~0~

Spring in Sydney was deliciously warm. I had set myself up outside on my little alfresco balcony, laptop, freshly brewed plunger coffee and a whole packet of Tim Tams that sat untouched. My tummy was growling with hunger, but I couldn't bring myself to stop writing. _I can't eat chocolate biscuits for lunch anyway. That is sooo unhealthy!_ I continued writing my essay that wasn't due for three more weeks, but I had been inspired by Friday's guest lecturer, and his inspirational words were at the forefront of my mind.

The intercom buzzed.

I quickly hit save and rushed inside. _Maybe Jessica decided to drop by after all. If she wants to stay for lunch, I'll make us yummy sandwiches._

"Hello?" I held the receiver up to check who it was before I buzzed then in, but there was no answer. I tapped the receiver and hit the button a few times; the damn thing had been playing up. _There must be a loose wire. I'll have to call the Strata Manager tomorrow and have him send someone to fix it._

"Hello, is it you Jess? Come on up if you can hear me. I think the intercom is broken." I pushed the grey button that should release the foyer door. I held it down for longer than normal, just in case.

I rushed into the bathroom quickly, knowing it would take her a few minutes to wait for the lift and get to the door, and when I came out of the bathroom I heard the timid knock.

When I opened the door, I thought I was dreaming. Riley Biers stood in my doorway. He was casually dressed over his muscular frame. He looked older, mature, his features well defined. He'd cut his hair, and it was a darker blonde than I remembered. He was holding a small posy of red roses.

I stood staring at him; I could only imagine the look of utter confusion plastered on my face.

"Hi Bella, how are you?" his voice was soft, warm.

"Riley, I…um, you look great, you're _walking_…" I couldn't find the words. I was in complete and utter shock that he had just turned up at my door. The last time I'd seen him he had been lying in that God-awful hospital bed, cold and pale.

"Bella I feel better than I did before the accident. One hundred percent recovered. I wanted to talk to you; can I come in?" His voice was calm, confident.

"Yeah, sure," I held the door for him as he stepped into my apartment. He smelt freshly showered, with a hint of spicy cologne. My heart was hammering in my chest, I was anxious and jittery and I was freaking myself out.

_Why is he here?_

"These are for you. I seemed to recall you like roses." He handed me the beautiful posy. I smiled as I inhaled. Those months that I visited him in the hospital, I had revealed almost everything about myself. It distracted him from the pain. He would pepper me with questions constantly. I told him everything, except the fact that I was obsessed with him, and that I secretly fantasized every day that he would keep his word.

_I will kiss you again one day._

I deliberately didn't look at his face. I was overwhelmed. I tried to calm myself, focusing on the roses. They were intensely fragrant and the deepest blood red I had ever seen. The combination of beauty and smell and the fact that Riley Biers was standing less than one metre from me was completely intoxicating. I slowly walked to the kitchen cupboard to pull out a small crystal vase that would be the perfect size.

"I wanted to see you, to say thank you for visiting me in the hospital. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I could have made it through the daily pain. I owe you so much." His words made my tummy flutter. My mind was scrambling. _He thinks he owes me?_

"I miss not being able to talk and see you every day." _He misses me_? I didn't know what to say to him. I carefully undid the red velvet ribbon from the posy and peeled back the clear cellophane that encased the deep green stems.

"I enjoyed visiting you Riley; really, it was so much quieter to work and read in the hospital than it was at the Fischer Library." I tried to make it light, funny, but my voice sounded like someone else's and I could feel my face flaming in a heated blush. _He always has this effect on me_.

"You had Victoria. I'm sure she helped you cope with the pain more than I ever could." I grabbed up the stems to place them in the vase, when I felt the sharp prick of a thorn.

"Oww!"

Instantly, Riley was standing beside me. I had automatically placed my index finger in my mouth to dull the sting. The coppery stagnant taste of blood hit my tongue.

"Let me see." His voice was gentle. He wrapped his warm fingers around my hand and pulled my finger from my lips. He was standing very close, too close. I could smell the fresh crisp laundered smell of his shirt. I was sure he could feel my pulse and hear my heart pounding.

As he observed my finger, I looked up to his face, the face I had dreamt about nightly since he kissed me at that damn party six years ago. His eyes were still that deep, deep brown. His skin was no longer pale; he had a slight natural tan, his hands were so warm, his fingers rough, calloused from work?

"It was you Bella, not Victoria, that made me _want_ to recover," he breathed, staring into my eyes. He leant down and kissed the tip of my finger.

_This isn't real..._

The song finished. I kept my eyes closed. I waited. The pain wasn't there, just the memory of the longing I had held for Riley, the memory of his touch and his smell.

I could listen. The songs no longer made me sad. I could learn from all the mistakes I made with Riley. I could move on from that hurt. I _would_ move on.

~~Edward~~

I was anxious to get up to the bar. It was late, way later than I wanted it to be. I wasn't going to see Bella tomorrow night, so I wanted to make this night last as long as she would let me. The car pulled up outside the hotel and there were about three cougars and their daughters waiting patiently, not screaming, with their cameras out and their cute little autograph books.

I kept remembering my manager berating me about spending more time with fans, and I must admit, I had been avoiding all of them since I arrived in Vancouver for this shoot. But, I'd see Bella tonight, and the thought put me on a natural high.

I purposefully stopped to chat to them, signed some autographs, and posed for numerous photos. It was so bizarre that strangers felt so connected to me through the characters I portrayed. The fans were nice, courteous, if not a little flirty. A couple of paps showed up but they kept their distance. I took it all in, answered the fans' questions then bade them farewell with a smile.

I entered the foyer, and heard them all squealing with delight as the doors closed. I laughed. I knew people found me attractive, but it was still weird to have people want to take my photograph, or see photos of myself. It was the face I looked at every day in a mirror. Nothing special. My family had never made a big deal out of my looks. My mother Esme always told Alice and I that it's what you do in this world that counts, and how you treated people.

Dad was a doctor; he had always been my hero. He had encouraged me, without actively molding me into his clone. I'd never had the academic commitment to want to go through years of medical school. I changed my mind too often. I had thought long and hard about what I wanted to do with my life. When I tried to narrow it down to one single profession, one job that would define me, I couldn't do it. I floundered. There was nothing. The only thing I really enjoyed was my music.

Acting was the closest thing that I could come up with that would allow for me to try new things, travel and get paid to do it. My career allowed me to be another person, however briefly. I became immersed in the characters, focused on the performance, and then, when filming wrapped, I walked away.

My music was keeping me sane. Had I known that my life would have turned into this crazed circus of fans and paparazzi, I'm not sure I would have pursued it.

The elevator doors opened on level 25 and I couldn't stop the shit-eating grin that covered my face. I walked into the bar. There she was, sitting with the halogen lighting up her silky hair, laptop out, bottle of wine in an ice bucket on the table.

She looked up when she heard the door, and smiled at me. I could tell she was just as happy to see me as I was to see her.

"Hi, you've been writing?" I questioned.

"I tried, still not really happening, so I thought I'd do something else to get the creative juices flowing." She smiled and twisted her laptop towards me so I could see the screen.

She had created me a playlist - over four hours worth.

"Whoa, that's a lot of music!"

"I know, I'm trying to narrow it down, but it's too hard. All these Australian bands are fantastic. I even cut out the ones that you may have already heard of. Anyway, regardless, it was fantastic listening to them all. I haven't indulged in ages." There seemed to be a second meaning to her statement and when I looked from the screen into her eyes, they looked a little sad.

"Well, we should play them then, or at least start," I said. Bella looked perplexed, but I just smiled at her as James the bar guy approached.

"Your Heineken Sir." He placed the beer on one of those purple napkins in front of me.

"James, would you be able to hook Bella's Mac into the sound system? We'd like to listen to this music." Bella looked kind of shocked.

"Certainly Sir, I can do that right away." Bella smiled and pushed the laptop his way and he carefully lifted it, unplugged her power cord and took it behind the bar.

"We really don't have to listen to them now, I mean I...you can listen another time. I can publish it to the iTunes store, and email it to you, once I narrow it down." she looked at me with a half smile.

"I'd rather listen to them with you here, so I can ask you questions. I'm afraid I haven't had the time to start on yours, but I will."

She smiled and took a sip of wine. She looked a little nervous.

"What did you mean when you said you hadn't indulged in ages?" I was curious to know, we're friends, and we had been pretty open with one another. I was hoping I could decipher her expressions, but her sad face had perplexed me. _Why would she find listening to music sad?_

"Well, I just meant that I hadn't listened to some of these songs since...I mean, they kinda reminded me of a time that I don't really want to think about," she looked up at me. I must have looked confused. "Some of them remind me of my ex-boyfriend," she closed her eyes.

_Fuck!_ I shouldn't have asked her. I didn't want her thinking about her ex when she was with me. I suddenly felt angry with myself and viciously jealous. Was she still in love with him?

I wanted to ask her, but some part of me really didn't want to know. Would I completely lose it if she said she was still in love with him? Why did I feel so possessive of her? Were the words to _Episode_ about him?

_I have to know_.

"The song, did you...is _Episode_ about him, your ex?" Bella opened her eyes and looked up at me, astonished.

"I didn't think of him at all when those words came to me. No, they're not about him. Well, subconsciously, maybe, they kind of could be...I don't know." She shook her head and looked at her hands in her lap.

Then the music started playing through the hotel speakers. She sucked in a deep breath. "It was a long time ago. I can listen to these songs now and the memories are still there, but I have moved on. Music always reminds me of a particular time or place. You know what it's like right? I mean you have ex-girlfriends?"

She was looking into my eyes. I stared back at her. "Yes, I have two ex-girlfriends." I wanted to tell her about Tanya, but what would I say? Lauren wasn't even worth mentioning. "It's like what you said to me on the first night we met."

"The first night?" She looked confused.

"Sorry, no, the second night, the night after you gave me the lyrics. You said that the song defines the place that we occupy right now. Everything will change around us, we will change, but the words and the music will never alter."

She was still staring at me, I couldn't read her expression. Then she laughed, looked away and picked up her wine glass. "I can't believe you remembered that."

"Of course I remember. You agreed to let me use your perfect lyrics. I'll always remember that night. Listening to or performing _Episode_ will always make me remember that night." _Tell her! Fucking coward, tell her! Bella, I've been fucked over by my user ex-girlfriend, and I want more than anything to be in a relationship with you but I don't want you thinking the only reason I want to is so you'll let me use your lyrics!_

She sipped her wine, but didn't look at me. _Will you wait? Will you want me in a month or two?_

We sat listening as the first song continued to play.

"What's this song?" her silence was maddening. I didn't want her to be quiet; I didn't want her to be thinking about him. I wanted her to engage with me.

She smiled. "It's by Lior, it's called _Daniel_."

~~Bella~~

He quoted the words I spoke to him four nights ago. I closed my eyes_. He said he will always remember that night_. Always? _Oh God, when he leaves after filming I'll never see him again._ He'll go on with his life. I'll go on with mine.

I kept thinking about the lyrics to _Episode_. Were they about Riley? The possibility had never entered my mind. I hadn't thought at all about Riley while I was in that trance. _Or did I?_

No.

Once the song was recorded, the copyright paperwork signed, that would be the end of my relationship with Edward Cullen. I looked around the bar. I looked at the piano. This room will be the place I'll remember whenever I listened to _Episode_. I'll remember Edward's smile, the way my body reacted when I shook his hand.

"What's this song?" His words broke me out of my daze.

"It's by Lior, it's called _Daniel_."

Edward seemed as if was trying to distract me from thinking about Riley. _Does it make him uncomfortable talking about past relationships? _I didn't want him to think I was trying to crack on to him or anything. I decided to enjoy his companionship; I wouldn't have it for very long.

I perked up and told him about the bands and the songs as the music played. I pushed Riley out of my mind. I shouldn't waste my time being moody and reflective. My friendship with Edward had a time limit; he didn't seem the type, or rather, wasn't in a position where he couldn't go out of his way to see friends. I got the impression at dinner with Ben and Angela the other night that they really didn't see much of him when he was in Vancouver, and they were his closest and oldest friends. I couldn't expect him to email or call me when I went back to Australia and I doubted I'd be back to the US for a few years.

_Soak him up, enjoy being able to spend time with Edward, before you blink and this fairy-tale is over._

~0~

It was a dream; I knew it was a dream because this would never happen in real life.

Edward was playing the piano in the purple bar. It was dark and the bar was empty. I felt this tugging, a magnetic pull that made me want to leave the booth and go and sit next to him on the piano seat. I picked up my champagne flute and walked to stand behind him. I watched his neck. He had this little freckle at the hairline, brown and raised I wanted to place my lips against it and poke my tongue out. _I wonder how many other freckles I could find on his body? _He finished playing and he shrugged, the tension in his shoulders evident.

The glass in my hand disappeared. _Yes, it's a dream alright_. I couldn't make my hands stop, they glided across his back and clenched his shoulders, deeply massaging, my thumbs pressing into his tense shoulder blades in long kneading movements. He moaned and relaxed into my touch. I felt my burning pulse on the tips of my fingers and I watched in stunned fascination as my hands slowly crawled over to touch the bare skin of his neck. His warm skin felt heavenly. _I will never get to do this for real_. My fingers slid slowly up into his hair. He leant his head back in my hands.

"Bella," his velvety voice reverberated in my mind.

My fingers lightly massaged his scalp, digging sensuously through his tousled mane. His hands reached up and covered mine. He stilled them. I tried to pull them away, to apologize for touching him inappropriately. I could feel my face flaming, the heat almost as intense as the burning and pulsing between my thighs. Instead he held onto my hands tightly, his fingers wrapping around mine. Then he pulled them down in front of him. My body leaned forward with the movement, and he placed my flat palms against his chest. My hair fell forward, the side of my face fit perfectly in the crook of his neck.

"Bella," he moaned. His hands were pushing my palms across his chest and down to his abs. I turned my face, to nuzzle his jaw. _God I want to lick it_. Before I registered the fact, I tasted him; soft whimpering moans escaping my lips. I lightly kissed his skin, my tongue flicking out and suckling.

Instantly he turned in his seat, let go of my hands and stood to face me, his hands on either side of my neck, then gliding through my hair, up to my scalp. He leant his face towards me slowly and started kissing me. Long languid kisses that I could feel burning into my lips, his tongue probing my mouth, his hands securing my head to him, deeper...deeper...there was no end to the kiss. I was sinking into his hard body. I was melting away; nothing existed but his lips and the swirling images that flashed through my mind; the bar, the piano, the city lights though the windows, my typed lyrics on a page.

Edward was consuming me, body and soul.

"I want you Bella," his lips traveled to my neck; his warm tongue slowly licking up to my ear. His breath hot, labored.

_I want you too Edward, please_. His hands pulled at my blouse, his deft fingers tugged at the buttons until all were released. His hands cupped my breasts over the pale platinum colored lace. I started to claw at his t-shirt. I wanted to rip it from his body and kiss every inch of him. His fingers yanked at my jeans, as he bent to pull them down, I felt his hot breath over my lace-covered nipple.

_Oh God yes, I need you to touch me._

Edwards's arms reached around to unclasp my bra and peel it off. I watched his hands as he threw it across the room. He grinned with that exceptionally sexy smirk, then his lips were kissing me again, he backed me up towards the piano. He stopped abruptly and spun me around so my belly hit the cool black lacquer.

"I want to take you Bella," he breathed in my ear. "I can't wait any longer."

He slowly pulled my undies down my legs; planting soft wet kisses down my spine as he went.

_Oh God yes Edward, I want you so much. I want more than friendship, I want all of you. My body craves you. I want to be able to touch you._

_No, no, no, ignore it!_

_NO!_

The awareness was painful. My phone was ringing, and vibrating across the bedside table.

_Where the fuck am I?_

I snapped into consciousness, gutted by the loss of the dream that faded away with each shrill ring of my phone.

I gruffly reached across and looked at the display, Jessica? _What the?_

"Jess?"

"Bella! I can't find Jake. I just got home, there was a terrible thunderstorm and...I left the balcony doors open. I...I can't find him, the rain would have washed away any...God it's so high up, he wouldn't have survived the fall..."

"Jess, stop. Calm down." _Oh my God no, I can't lose Jake_. "Jess, did you look under the bed?"

"Yes, I even called for him, Bella, I'm so so sorry..."

"Jess, is there still thunder or lightning?"

"Um, the storm has died down, just a little lightning in the distance."

"Go and look in the laundry, behind the clothes basket or in the basket if it's full." I tried to stay calm. Jake had always been afraid of loud noises especially thunder. I was pretty confident that he wouldn't have gone anywhere near the balcony if there was a storm. When he got scared he would try and hide until the storm passed. There weren't many hiding places, if he wasn't under the bed, the laundry would be the next spot I would have looked.

"Thank fucking hell! Oh Jakey you scared me," the relief I felt at hearing Jessica's words was immeasurable. I'd had Jake since I moved into the apartment. He was a present from Phil. I had always wanted a pet, but Renee and Phil refused to let me get one. Phil had 'allergies'.

"Oh Bella, I'm so so sorry, I should have looked. I just panicked. He really misses you. He's been crying for you all week, like this feral calling meow that has been driving me bonkers. I caught him sitting on the balcony ledge three days ago and I nearly had a conniption!"

"It's okay Jess, I'm glad you called me. What are you doing home so late on a Sunday anyway, isn't it like almost midnight there?" Even though I was relieved to know Jake was fine, Jessica's timing was lousy. _If only I could have continued that dream for ten more minutes, URGH!_

"I was on a date. Um, it's like, you know a new guy and I'm not sure where it will go or anything, so I didn't tell you. He said he'd call me, so I hope he does. I mean, I think he will." she was all giddy and excited, and I felt like a bitch. Here I was mentally chastising her for interrupting the only kind of sexual stimulation I was probably ever going to get while in Vancouver, and she'd just come home from the joy of being on a date to believing that Jake had fallen four stories to his death. I hated myself.

"So, where did you meet him, this mystery date?" Jessica usually would tell me as soon as anyone asked her out, or even looked at her with any intention. _I wonder why she didn't want to tell me?_

"Well...he...we, it's really a long story, so maybe I can email you? I just realized I must have woken you it's like four in the morning there, right? I'm so sorry Bella. You should go back to sleep and I should get to bed, got to work tomorrow." she was rushing through her words and I knew it was definitely because she was trying to hide something from me.

"Are you okay Jess?"

"Yes, just tired Bella. I promise I'll email you tomorrow. Oh, and that reminds me. I have all this personal mail for you. Do you want me to send it to you? They're not bills; I'm totally all up to date with paying everything."

"What kind of personal mail? Junk mail?" Everyone knew I was in Vancouver, and no one sent me snail mail these days.

"No, letters. There's like six. They don't have a return address, but they're hand written. The first one came four days ago."

"Oh, okay then yes, can you send them to me here, whenever you get to the post office. You still have the hotel details I gave you?"

"Yep, I'll send them by air mail this week. Gotta go Bella, sorry for waking you and freaking you out, please forgive me. I'll know to look for Jake in that hidey hole next time."

"Thanks for taking care of Jake for me; I'm sorry he's all whiney on you. I miss you both. I'll email you too. Goodnight."

I looked at the clock. It was 4.44am. This was going to be a really, really long day.

~0~

**A/N: Reviews are better than blood red roses or sex dreams that include Edward and a piano... (Okay, so not really, but I'd like to know what you think regardless). **

**A BIG thank you to those that nominated **_**Episode**_** for an Indie TwiFic Award! Go and read all the entries and vote before March 2nd: **

**http : /theindietwificawards dot com/vote dot aspx **


	8. Alla Breve

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I was so excited to be spending the night with Angela, even though I was disappointed that I wouldn't see Edward today. It was hard to believe it was only five short nights ago that I had approached the mysterious pianist to hand him my lyrics, not knowing until I gazed on his amazingly beautiful face that it had been Hollywood heart-throb Edward Cullen playing such hypnotic and trance-inducing music.

I bounded out of the cab and up to the porch. Angela swung open the door with a breezy flourish.

"Bella, I'm so excited; quick, come in!" Angela looked bubbly and happy; she really was such an uplifting person to be around. Even though I would love to be sitting next to Edward, I needed to know that he hadn't dazzled me so completely that I couldn't enjoy being in other peoples' company.

I walked into the foyer and could smell the aroma of something absolutely delectable. My tummy grumbled instantly and my mouth watered.

"I made us a casserole for dinner. You know, the weather will start to warm up very quickly over the next few weeks. You are going to love being in Vancouver in summer! I thought we could take advantage of the cool weather and have warm comfort food and then I've got Ben & Jerry's and some movies."

"I brought some caramel popcorn!" I hastily dug into my bag to retrieve the box. "What's the movie? Does it star Johnny Depp?" I laughed when she looked at me with surprise.

"Um, well yes, it does. How did you know?"

"Oh, a little birdie told me that he could guarantee the movie would star Johnny Depp." I giggled like a fourteen year old.

"Edward." She laughed, took the popcorn and linked her arm with mine to guide me into the living room.

"Okay, I thought we could have a picnic on the floor." I looked down, and Angela had laid out a couple of blankets over the carpet and surrounded them with cushions. She had placed little tea-light candles on the coffee table.

"This is so fantastic Angela!" I looked around the immaculate, warm room. The furniture was a mix of modern and retro and I felt instantly at home.

"Thanks, Bella, I haven't had a girl's night in ages! I'll serve up the dinner, what did you want to drink? I have white wine."

"Whatever you're having Angela is fine by me."

Angela flittered away to the kitchen while I took off my shoes and set myself up on the floor. There were DVD cases on the coffee table. _Pirates of the Caribbean_: all three movies. I sucked in a quick breath. My gut ached. I closed my eyes, desperate not to remember, but a flash of Riley's face invaded my mind.

"Bella, are you okay?" Angela's words shocked me out of my trance. "You were a million miles away. Do you want to talk about it?"

"God, Angela, I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment. I can't stop thinking about Riley; everything seems to remind me of him."

She handed me a bowl of the most delectable casserole I think I had ever seen or smelt. She placed the opened wine bottle and two long stemmed wine glasses in front of us and pushed the serving tray under the coffee table.

"Maybe you should talk about him then, get him out of your system? Did you ever talk about him to anyone, after you split up?" The deep glugging sound as Angela poured the wine was somehow calming.

"Well, no. I couldn't talk to my mum; she didn't even know that we had gotten together. My friend Jessica knew, but she just told me to forget about him. She thought I was silly for even visiting him in the hospital, let alone seeing him after that." I remembered how Jessica had been less than supportive, but then she hadn't seen for herself how he used to be with me when we were alone and, so I thought, in love.

"When did you break up with him, Bella?"

"It's been three years."

"Have you, you know, seen anyone since then?"

"Seen anyone, you mean like a psychologist?" _God, now even Angela thinks I'm mentally unstable._

"No, that's not what I meant. Have you had a boyfriend since Riley?" she handed me a glass of wine.

I sighed. Until I met Edward I hadn't even fantasized about being with any other man.

"No, it's only ever been him." Riley was my first and only boyfriend. I'd given everything to him: my trust, my love, my virginity...

"You never confronted him, did you?" Angela's words confused me.

"Confronted him?"

"You said yesterday that you cut him from your life. Did he ever try to get you back, or explain why he was two-timing you?"

I could tell she was concerned for me and as much as I wanted to be angry with Riley, hurt was still the strongest emotion. I had spent the last three years thinking about our time together, wondering why he needed to be with Victoria, why I wasn't enough for him and what I could have done differently. I knew it was unhealthy, but I couldn't blame myself. I had only ever loved him. Okay, maybe it was obsessively, and I hated myself that I never really got to know the real Riley Biers. I had simply idolized him.

"No, I couldn't see him. He tried calling me, but I was hurt and confused. What point would there have been in talking about it? He made his choice. I didn't have anything to say to him. I changed my phone number, changed my locks, and my email address."

"So, perhaps the reason you keep thinking about him is because you have unresolved feelings? Sounds like you didn't get any closure, Bella. Maybe you need to work through your feelings before you start another relationship."

I looked at Angela, confused. "Another relationship?"

"Well, I thought, maybe you were attracted to Edward?" she sounded hopeful.

I laughed. "Isn't every girl attracted to Edward?"

"Well, sure, attracted to his looks, but not many people get to see the real Edward. You have, so…"

"Angela, Edward is gorgeous, and a wonderful person; I would be lying if I said otherwise. But he made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to be in a relationship; he has some rule about, you know, not getting involved romantically with people he works with."

"He said that, to you?" Angela looked shocked, almost stunned.

"Yes. Why?" I questioned.

"No reason." She was lying, and not very convincingly. I sensed Angela had some insider information that she would never reveal to me. "I just thought, well you seemed so comfortable together and, well, I guess I want him to meet someone. He's pretty isolated in his chosen profession, you know. It would be nice if he had someone like you to _be _with."

I laughed again. "Seriously Angela, Edward would never feel _that_ way about me. I'm totally not his type. I thought he went for tall blondes, like Rosalie." Even as I said those words, a part of me wished that he did want me that way, repeatedly. Forever.

But I knew, we'd only ever be friends—especially since my discovery this morning.

I hadn't initially wanted to, but the desire had been overwhelming. I'd googled Edward Cullen to see if I could find any reference to past girlfriends. I couldn't get back to sleep this morning when Jessica had called to freak me out about Jake, so I got online and did some cyber stalking.

There were lots of online pictures of Edward, with lots of very beautiful women. Most of them—and there were a handful over the last two years—were obviously fabricated dates to boost an actress' status, and normally around the time her film was due to release. But there was one girl that appeared repeatedly and before his first movie broke box office records. She was Tanya Denali, a sitcom actress. Her IMDB profile said she had appeared in a lot of TV shows, most notably a regular but short stint as a prostitute in some police drama. She was a year older than Edward, tall, beautiful, strawberry blonde curls, and lithe athletic body. She was an older version of the Barbie Doll perfection of Rosalie Hale.

"Edward would never date Rosalie Hale!" spluttered Angela. "She is, well excuse the language, Bella, but Rosalie Hale is an absolute bitch!"

I could tell Angela wasn't the type of girl to use expletives often; she was blushing at her own words.

I looked at her, speechless. _What is she trying to tell me? She thinks I'm Edward's type, over the beauty of Rosalie Hale or Tanya Denali? Seriously?_

I picked up my fork and proceeded to devour the delicious casserole. I could feel myself blushing. Angela had been Edward's friend since school, and I had seen how close they were. She knew him better than me, and her boyfriend was his best friend. What could I say to her? I couldn't admit that I had googled Edward and seen him with Tanya. I knew he'd only had two girlfriends, and Angela had implied that one of them was when he was in High School. Maybe her wanting to pair Edward and me together was wishful thinking on her part.

"Believe me, Bella, Edward would never want someone as selfish and vain as Rosalie Hale." She said it with conviction, then she smiled and changed the subject. "Umm, so do you want to watch the movie while we eat?"

"Sure Angela, you'll be shocked to know that I haven't seen them." I had to look away from her when I spoke the words.

"No way, Bella! How could you NOT have seen them?" Angela opened the DVD case and stood up.

I frowned to myself, as she put the DVD in and settled back on the blankets with the remote.

I took a deep breath in, and that same flash of Riley's face invaded my mind. His facial expressions were distinct and I'll never forget them.

Embarrassment. Guilt. Anguish.

~0~

_Sydney, three years ago._

I had finally agreed to go to the movies with Jessica. Riley had said he had an important business dinner he needed to go to, so he wouldn't be able to see me until the next day.

Riley and I had been inseparable for months. Three months of pure bliss. I saw him every day; he slept over my place almost every night. I hadn't wanted to do anything but be with him. I had neglected my studies; I had neglected my friends and even brushed off mum and Phil. I was completely and utterly absorbed with my intense feelings for him. Nothing in the world held any interest for me except being in his arms, feeling his lips on me; having him in my bed. Riley was my world.

Jessica and I were walking up to join the queue to buy tickets. _Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of Jack Sparrow._

"Jessica, Bella?" We both turned around when we heard our names.

"Austin?" smiled Jessica.

I recognized him instantly. He was one of Riley's friends from school. He was smartly dressed in jeans and a shirt that was casually rolled up across his forearms. I couldn't help but notice Jessica flick her hair across her shoulders—her not so subtle habit when she was attracted to someone of the opposite sex.

"Hi," he smiled at us. "Fancy seeing you girls here!"

"Hi, Austin," gushed Jessica. "We haven't seen you in ages. What have you been up to?"

"I'm studying Economics at ANU. I came up for the weekend to go to the dinner for Victoria. Are you girls here for that too? The restaurant is the one just up on the next corner."

"Dinner for Victoria? Victoria Marshall?" I choked out the words. _Riley said she would be travelling for at least six months._

"Yes, Vicky went backpacking around the US and Canada, lucky bitch." He laughed. "She got back from her holiday three weeks ago."

_Riley worked for Victoria's father; surely, he would have known that she had come back?_

"We were just going to go and see a movie." Jessica stepped closer to Austin, her hands twirling her cheap Goldmark dress ring around her finger unconsciously.

"Why don't you girls come to the restaurant and have a drink first? There's supposed to be a whole gang from our year at school there. I'm surprised you didn't know about it." Austin was staring at Jessica's chest.

My heart sank._ No, he won't be there; he said he was going to a business dinner._

"Okay. C'mon Bella, we've got time to have a drink, the session won't start for twenty minutes and there's always like another fifteen minutes of adds." Jessica linked her arm through Austin's and started walking towards the restaurant.

_I have to see if he's there. I have to know._

I walked unsteadily behind Jessica and Austin as she asked him what it was like living in Canberra.

_No, he won't be there. He loves me. He wouldn't lie to me. _I could feel the anxiety creeping in a heated blush all over my body.

_Riley Biers loves me. He split up with Victoria. He will not be at the restaurant. I have nothing to worry about. _As if mentally chanting the words would make them true. I was consumed with dread.

"So, who else is going to be there?" asked Jessica flirtily.

I could tell that if she had one drink and got cozy with Austin there was no way we'd be seeing the movie tonight.

"Umm, I'm not sure. Riley organized the dinner; he wanted to give her a proper welcome home I guess."

I stopped dead in my tracks, my heart pounding. Jessica dropped her arm instantly from Austin's and turned to face me.

"Oh, sorry Bella; you used to have a crush on him at school didn't you?" said Austin.

_NO NO NO NO NO, THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!_

I felt Jessica grab my shoulders. I saw pity in her eyes and then I felt angry.

"Umm, let's just go Bella. I really want to get good seats in the cinema. You know I hate sitting at the front." She kept her hands firmly against my shoulders then glanced back at a very perplexed looking Austin. "See you Austin, umm, maybe next time you're up from Canberra you can call me?"

Jessica started pushing me backwards, her eyes pleading.

"I have to see him." My voice was expressionless.

"No Bella, you don't. You don't want to cause a scene. Please just come back to the cinema."

"Aren't you girls going to come in and say 'hi'? I'm sure everyone will be happy to see you." Austin had stepped forward to hold open the restaurant door.

I glared at Jessica. "I need to know; please, Jessica. Let go of me!" I could feel tears pooling in my eyes. I knew he was in there. I knew he was with her. I tried so very hard to walk away but, like the sadistic temptation of being a voyeur at the scene of a car accident, I had to see it for myself.

Jessica stepped back. I walked past Austin and into the restaurant.

"Hi, do you have a booking?" smiled the hostess.

"Um, yeah, we're here for Victoria Marshall's dinner," stated Austin cheerily.

"Certainly Sir, the table's not quite ready. Your party is in the upstairs bar, just go on up."

I turned and started up the stairs. Jessica grabbed my hand. "Bella, please."

I didn't acknowledge her. I needed to see him. I had to see with my own eyes.

"Is she alright?" Austin asked Jessica.

I felt the tears run silently down my cheeks. Austin didn't know about me. No one knew. Riley hadn't told anyone he was seeing me. No one knew that Riley had told me over and over again that he loved me, only me.

_He lied to me!_ _It was all a lie!_

I gasped as I reached the top of the stairs, my stomach felt hollow, empty. My vision blurred as tears gushed from my eyes. I hastily brushed them away with the backs of my hands.

I looked around the bar and spotted him straight away. He was sitting on a bar stool, opposite Victoria, facing her, his legs parted, hers in between his. They were talking, leaning into one another. She laughed, her vibrant red hair hanging in loose flowing waves around her shoulders. She was stunning and he was smiling at her.

I froze. It was like dry ice had infected my heart: it was about to splinter, crack and shatter, fog spread through my blood, sucking the oxygen from my breath, freezing me to the bone, slowly killing me.

"Fucking bastard." Jessica whispered.

I felt like I was in some daytime soap opera. _She's been back for three weeks!_ _He's been with me everyday; he's been with her!_

"Bella? Please, he's not worth it. Let's just go." Jessica was whispering, tugging on my hand, trying to get me to walk down the stairs. I couldn't feel my legs.

"Okay girls," Austin clapped hands together. He was trying to lighten the mood, oblivious that I was falling apart in front of him. "What can I get you to drink?"

"Um, sorry Austin. We're leaving." Jessica yanked purposefully on my hand and stepped down the first step. Then Riley looked over to me.

His eyes locked with mine, and my tears began to flow again. A pitiful sob heaved from my chest and I spun, stumbling forward, wrenching my hand from Jessica's. I ran down the stairs, and out of the restaurant.

I ran.

I ran.

I ran.

I heard Jessica calling after me.

_I've never stopped running._

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

"Welcome. Your table is ready; please come with me." The hostess' eyes traveled from my face to my crotch and back again, then she licked her lips.

_Fucking hell_. _This is going to be a long night._

I thought I heard Marc chuckle as he walked in front of me to follow the flirty blonde to a booth at the back of the restaurant.

"Please don't hesitate to call me over if you need anything, anything at all."

I didn't look at her. I should be used to this by now. Usually I'd play along and smile or say something flirty back, but right now, it was annoying, because all I really wanted to be doing was sitting in the VIP bar next to Bella. I pinched the bridge of my nose.

_Focus! You want Episode on the soundtrack. You want it to be a done deal, so you can be with Bella._

"Edward, I think you have yet another admirer," Marc laughed.

Marc was cool. He was a great person, a compassionate and encouraging director and family man. He was funny as hell once he loosened up, which was normally just after a scene or when the cameras had been switched off for the day.

"Welcome to my life," I grumbled. The searing pain of a headache started throbbing in my temples. "I really need a beer." I croaked. I had been psyching myself up all day to have this one-on-one with the director, and now my energy had dissipated rapidly.

I looked briefly at the menu as a busty blonde waitress hovered over us.

"Drinks, gentlemen?" she fawned.

"We'll both have Heinekens," barked Marc in a sour gruff voice that startled me. "I'll have the Penne Alfredo as an appetizer, then the Wagyu Ribeye. Give me a serve of onion rings with that. Edward?"

"I'll have the same." I muttered.

The waitress leant to grab the menus, making sure both of us caught sight of her ample cleavage.

"If we need anything else we'll call you over, so make sure no one bothers us!" Marc sounded fucking scary, and she simply squeaked out a timid '_Yes Sir'_ and hurried away.

Once she was out of hearing range he chuckled. "That was fun. Now Edward, I know having dinner with me would not be at the top of your list of things to do on a Tuesday night, so why don't you get straight to it and tell me all about this song you've written?"

"Marc, sorry if I seem rude; it's just that those scenes were pretty exhausting today and I thought I could meet with you and the studio producers at the same time. I know how these things work and I don't want to be in a situation where they drag this on for months and months before they give me a definite yes. I fucking can't stand the bullshit politics of Hollywood, I just want to know, get the song signed, like yesterday!"

"You know I have no say in how long it takes them to fuck around with the contracts and negotiations and all that bureaucracy. You know I'll be straight with you. If your song is halfway decent, I can tell you if I want it, but you know the final say doesn't entirely sit with me. I don't know why you feel the need to hurry it along; I mean, the movie's not out until June next year. The soundtrack won't be definite until at least three months before. The sound is pretty much always the last thing we do in post."

I sighed and sat back in my seat, just as the blonde returned with our beers. She didn't speak or even look at me and she hurried off as soon as the glass bottles made contact with the table. I instantly felt better as the cool liquid chugged down my throat. I closed my eyes and imagined sitting in the booth next to Bella. I wanted to smell her floral perfume and watch her lips caress the lip of her wine glass. _Fuck_, _I already miss seeing her._

"I know," I said. "I just don't want to drag it out. I can't wait until March for the commitment. I didn't write the lyrics, and my co-writer will be leaving Canada in January. I want everything sorted before then, like _way_ before then."

Would I tell him about Bella if he asked? He was a decent guy. He was married and had two kids. I knew he missed them, he would fly back to LA on the weekends if filming was delayed due to rain, leaving general scenes up to the second director.

"My advice Edward is to just get your management to file the necessary copyright contracts for the song. All the soundtrack negotiations and the actual recording can come after that. All of that is a moot point anyway. What if I fucking hate it?" he laughed.

"Well, I suppose you'd better tell me then. I did a demo at my friend's home studio on Saturday. It's pretty rough, but you'll be able to get the idea." I proceeded to retrieve my Mac from my backpack, set it up on the table and unwound the cord on my M-Audio headphones. "I'd like a full orchestra backing if you wanted it. I'd need total creative direction. It has to be recorded the way I need it to be."

I smiled when he took off his fedora and put the headphones on; he looked all serious and dorky. I was pretty confident he'd like it, but, then again, I was biased. To me the song was exceptional, and personal; I was completely in awe of it, maybe simply because they were Bella's words and just thinking about her made me fucking emotional and sappy.

I waited patiently as he listened, my eyes finally taking in our surroundings.

Marc slowly pulled the headphones off and placed them on the table. "Well Edward, I've got to say that it's...fucking awesome." His smile was genuine and I felt all the previous tension in my body seep through my feet and into the plush carpet.

"I can use it in the lead up to the love scene with you and Rose in the woods. It will work perfectly, I'd probably only need sixty seconds of it though." he took a long sip of beer.

Having the director on my side was a bonus; now to convince the executive producers.

"It's a shoo-in Edward. I mean you're a star; you pull in money for the studio. They wouldn't be in their current position if it wasn't for that movie you did with them a couple of years ago. Sure, it made you a hot commodity, but you also do realize how much money that made for them, right?"

"Yeah, I know it was a lot, but that doesn't guarantee everything else I do will follow suit. I still have to prove myself and even though the fan base is awesome, if I'm crap, well, you can't really do it over." I mused.

"Edward, I've been making movies since I was in my early twenties. It's hard; it's a tough slog all the way. You can fight and fight to get the assholes not to cut the funds midway through filming, or not to fuck with a perfectly acceptable script, but at the end of the day, they do whatever they think they can get away with to it pull in more money at the box office. If your song is on the soundtrack, that's another outlet that they can promote to pull the money in. For fuck's sake, they've gone hard core on the merchandising; a song will pull in a truckload more money, especially this song. It has all the elements to be a worldwide hit, and it fucking fits the theme of the movie as if it was written specifically for it. Did your co-writer read your copy of the script beforehand?"

"No, she didn't even know I was here filming it." I let out a billowing breath, as I thought back to that night and Bella's complete look of mortification at recognizing me.

"She?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, she's, well...She's a friend. She's here writing her novel and she'll have to return to Australia in January. That's why I need to get it sorted before she leaves." The throbbing ache in my head returned as I thought about Bella going back to Sydney and not being able to see her every day.

_I have to see her every day that she's here. Every fucking day without fail_. I felt like shit, because I did what I came here to do and now I felt like and asshole because all I wanted to do was make an excuse to leave and get in a cab to Angela's.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I couldn't focus on the movie. I kept thinking about what Angela had said. She thought that Edward would want to be in a relationship with me. My body wanted it to be true, but my mind kept thinking it was implausible.

Edward was the most desirable and amazing person I had ever met, and to think Angela would find me—plain and boring Isabella Swan from Australia—his 'type', just didn't compute. Okay, I wasn't ugly, but there was nothing about me that was striking or unique. I was just an ordinary girl. Why would he want me when he could have anyone— like I mean _anyone_? It didn't make sense that he would not be into Rosalie Hale. Angela said she was vain, and selfish. She didn't come across like that at all. I'd seen her on TV in interviews and she seemed lovely, definitely self-aware, but didn't all actors need to have some self-awareness to be able to practice their craft?

Angela handed me a bowl of ice cream and I laughed at the massive chunks of cookie dough. It was scrumptious and decadent—_definitely beats Blue Ribbon any day._

She had just put on the second movie and we were chatting away over the top of it when I heard a distinct ringing from the bottom of my bag.

"That's my phone, I wonder who's calling me so late?" I had another mini anxiety attack, thinking Jessica maybe had another problem with Jake.

I looked at the screen, and my face lit up in the hugest smile. "Hi Edward!"

"Hi Bella, are you still at Angela's?"

"Yes, we're on to our second movie, eating the most delicious ice cream and you were right."

"Right about what?" he sounded confused.

"Angela is a fantastic cook, and we're watching a Johnny Depp movie!" I smiled at Angela as she waved her hand in dismissal, grinning and then giggling.

"Oh, well, I told you." He laughed.

"So? What did the director say?" I was eager to know what whether he would want the song.

"He loved the song, but he really couldn't commit to using it. I'll still have to meet with the studio producers. They have the final say."

"You sound disappointed."

"Well, it's just that I want it signed and sorted straight away. What's the point of dragging it on for months and months? It's really frustrating."

My gut ached again. Here I was, hoping that I could continue to be able to meet Edward every day in the bar, to discuss the song and moving slowly forward to recording it, but he just wanted to have it finished. If it was signed and then guaranteed to be on the soundtrack then our relationship would end. There would be no reason for him to want to hang out with me. I was conscious that Angela was looking at me so it took all my power not to let the hurt show on my face.

"Oh well, I'm sure once they hear it, everything will be okay?"

"I know; I'm just really impatient. I think we need get onto this as soon as possible. Bella, do you have an agent, or someone that looks after your legal affairs?"

I thought instantly of Irina. I'd worked with her at the publishing house; she had arranged the publishing contracts with their authors. "Um, yes, sort of. She's in Sydney, though. Why?"

"Well Marc the director suggested we just get the copyright to the song sorted as soon as we can, then the negotiations for the soundtrack can come after that. You'll need to speak to your agent. They can contact mine and together they can submit the paperwork. I was hoping we could talk about it tonight in the bar, I mean, if you're going to be back from Angela's soon?"

He wanted to get it all signed; I wanted to drag it on for a few months so he would spend time with me. "Um, maybe tomorrow Edward? Ange and I still have one more movie to watch."

"Oh, okay," He sounded disappointed. _Fuck_.

"I'll see you tomorrow night in the bar?" I was desperate to see him.

"Yes, okay, see you tomorrow and I'll give you my agent's details so he can contact yours to work out the details for the copyright."

"Sure, let's get that underway, good idea." As the words left my mouth I was cringing inside. Once we finalized the copyright to the song, there was no reason for us to meet, no reason he'd want to see me. I suddenly thought of ways to delay the process.

I wasn't ready for my friendship with Edward to end.

~0~


	9. Octave Clef

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

~~Bella~~

I woke the next day feeling down and unmotivated. I hadn't slept very well; thoughts of contracts and lawyers and paperwork. _Business_. That boring and bland word again. I knew Edward wanted to get it all out of the way. My apprehension at rushing the process was justified. I mean really, once I signed on the dotted line, Edward didn't need to see me. Everything would be handled by the legal people. I wanted to get to know him, I wanted to have a real friendship with him. _God, why would he want to hang out with me in the bar if he didn't have to? _

I ordered some breakfast from room service and opened my laptop. Jessica had sent me an email.

**From:** Stanley, Jessica

**To:** Bella Swan

**Subject:** Jake

Hey Bella,

OK, so like after the other night, there is no way I'm leaving the balcony doors open _ever_ again. How did you stand it? He meows like he's feral to get out there, and then he just jumps up on the balcony ledge and leans over, like he's looking for something, and it freaks me out. I know he's a cat and he has good balance and all that, but if he fell, or tried to catch a bird that flew by or something, well, I'm having nightmares about him jumping off!

Work is giving me the shits. I really need a holiday. But I'm saving up to take three weeks off over Christmas, because there's no way I'm working the whole of Summer again this year. Like, you should see me. My tan has gone. I look like a ghost, and there is no way I'm going to Jane's salon anymore; she's put all her prices up!

How's Vancouver? How's your story coming along? I was expecting you to have sent me a postcard by now, like a really cheesy one that looks completely photo-shopped, the exact opposite of what it really looks like OK (like that really, really bad one I sent you from Noosa). Do you still have that?

I ran into your mum and Phil at Darling Harbour last weekend. They had been to the International boat show. Phil was rambling on about buying a cruiser and traveling to the Whitsundays? Renee sounded a bit pissed off that you hadn't really contacted her, so you probably should email her or call her or something.

So, you know how I had that date? Well, we're going out on our third date this Friday night. He's taking me to a restaurant at King Street Wharf and then he said we could go to a club or something, dancing. I really, really, really like him.

I don't want you to freak out or anything OK, but you know him. It's Austin Marks from school. He's moved up from Canberra and is working at some big ass Chartered Accountants firm on George Street. He's still friends with fuckwit, but I told him that I wanted nothing to do with that prick and when he asked why, well I sort of told him the whole story. I told Austin not to let on he knew though. It was the first he'd heard of it, so fuckwit hadn't told anyone about you Bella. He can fucking rot in hell, bastard.

Anyway, Austin said fuckwit asked about you. I told Austin to tell him that you won the Commonwealth Writer's prize and you're like the Writer in Residence at a five star luxury hotel in Vancouver, and that when you get back you'll be top of the Dymocks fiction bestsellers list. Fuckwit will have to see your name every time he walks into a bookstore and know that he broke your heart. I told Austin to tell him you're happy, living it up and have the world at your feet. I mean, success is the best revenge right? Austin told me fuckwit broke up with Victoria three weeks ago just after her dad died! What a fucking douche. You are so better off without him.

Sorry, I didn't want to tell you about Austin on the phone. I didn't want you to even start thinking about fuckwit, there are so many more fish in the sea, right?

So, have you met any cute Canadian guys, or have you been cooped up enjoying the five star luxury? Speaking of cute guys, I was watching Entertainment Tonight the other day, (yes, I took a sickie because I was starting to get a cough and you know if I don't look after myself it always turns into bronchitis), and Edward Cullen is filming his new movie in Vancouver! He's staying in the same hotel as Rosalie Hale and it's so obvious that they are actually like, you know, fucking each others brains out off-screen! He's not in the same hotel as you, is he? If you see them filming, can you take a picture of him, or try and get me an autograph? He is so fucking hot! I wish I was Rosalie Hale! Apparently they'll be in LA next week for some like fan event DVD release for their second movie or something. Of course I checked online and we won't get the DVD in Australia until next month! I'd be better off just ordering it on Amazon.

OK, well I better go; my boss has eyes in the back of his head and if he sees I'm sending a personal email, he'll freak out.

Miss you Bella, Jakey misses you too!

Luv Jess xx

P.S. I had to call the Strata Manager to send someone to fix the intercom, it broke again…

I took a deep breath in, and re-read her email.

_Riley split up with Victoria? Her father died?_ My mind was reeling. _Why did they split up? Riley worked for Victoria's father; does that mean he no longer has a job?_

I was happy that Jessica was with Austin. I knew she'd always liked him, but how was that going to work if she got serious with him? I'd run into Riley when I got back to Sydney. I don't think I could hang out much with Jessica if I knew there was a chance Riley would turn up.

_No! _I will not start my day thinking about him.

And, God, trust Jessica 'Miss celebrity-gossip queen' to find out that Edward was here in Vancouver. This information would have been so much more valuable to me had I found out two weeks ago. Maybe if I knew he was here, I would have recognized the back of his head straight away. I probably wouldn't have written the lyrics. I wouldn't have approached him or ever gone back to the Purple bar.

But then the thought of not knowing Edward made me feel physically sick.

Rosalie Hale. I had never seen him in the hotel with her. He had told me he didn't have relationships with people he works with and I wanted to believe him. Angela said he'd never want her. He spent almost every night in the bar with me. We're friends; if he was with her, surely he wouldn't lie about it? Surely it was just a media beat-up? Or maybe he's keeping it a secret because he's waiting until filming ends to be with her? _God, no, I can't think about that._

How am I going to tell Jessica that Edward Cullen is in my hotel and I've been meeting him almost nightly in the Hotel VIP bar and the song he'd written would soon be copyrighted with my lyrics, and possibly featured on his movie soundtrack? She is going to lose her shit!

I forced myself not to dwell; instead I sent a very quick email to Irina.

**To:** Stannis, Irina

**Subject:** Help!

Hi Irina!

I hope you have been well? How are all the girls? Do you miss me?

I need your advice and some help with something. I wrote some lyrics to accompany a song that my friend wrote. He wants to have all the copyright paperwork drawn up. I have no idea what this involves and how to do it. I assume the paperwork will be filed in the U.S. as that is where my friend is from, not Canada. I assume copyright law varies from Country to Country?

Would you be able to help me with it, or recommend someone that can?

I'd really appreciate it Irina. Say 'Hi' to everyone from me!

Bella xx

I hit send just as I heard the knock on the door. _Breakfast_.

I couldn't respond to Jessica's email straight away. I needed time to get my head around all the information. One thing I will need to do is call Renee.

~~Edward~~

I had to see Bella today. I couldn't wait to get to the bar, but every scene was dragging on. Mistake after mistake. Rosalie kept messing up her lines and taking breaks to have her make-up fixed.

I was pacing. Usually I'd be smoking a cigarette, but that was before I met Bella.

_I wonder what she is doing? _

I made some excuse about needing the bathroom and hurried back to my trailer. I'll just send her a text.

_**Hey! See you in the bar tonight, so we can talk about the song? - E**_

It had only been one day since I've seen her, but I was anxious. I wanted to give her my agent's details and get the paperwork for the copyright out of the way. I didn't want her to think that I was just befriending her because of the song. I wanted to get to know her. I wanted her to know me. Alice's dream was always lurking in the back of my mind, but I couldn't let that guide me. Then my phone rang. It was my manager.

"Hi John, what's up?"

"Edward. Glad I caught you. It's about next week. The schedule has been locked in. You'll fly to LA on Friday. Your full media schedule is with Heidi and she'll brief you on it when you get here. I've got you a meeting with Liam Berty about his new film project. The first draft of the script is in Google docs, and for fuck's sake, if you print it, can you destroy it afterward, or at least have it locked in the hotel safe? Jenks is on the warpath since the last script was leaked and ended up all over the fucking internet in ten minutes flat."

John Dowling was my manger. He worked closely with my agent Carmen Sarran, and their 'teams' of people. It was fucking ridiculous how many people actually worked behind the scenes to make Edward Cullen a household name.

I had muddled along the first year, stumbling into auditions, reading _Variety, _hearing about casting requirements on the grapevine. It wasn't until I had signed with Carmen that I was actually red carpeted through the Hollywood bullshit maze to the front of the line.

I tried to retain some control, especially when it came to the way I was perceived. But I soon found out that once you sign to an agent, well, you fucking may as well give your soul to the devil. They own you and they decide what, when and how the media is hand-fed stories to keep you on the front page, on the radar and therefore more likely to be put forward for the movies that have the widest blockbuster appeal. They also had their own circle of influential 'friends' at the studios. The boys club, the _'I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine'_ mentality. I figured I could just go with the flow until I had proven what I could do, and then, maybe, I could get back some control.

"Right, Friday. I assume Rosalie has the same schedule?" It was like the old days, back when studio starlets were linked to the popular actors of the day - keep people thinking there was some chemistry off-screen - that translated into a guaranteed audience.

I'd played this game with Rose for the last twenty-four months. Of course, we had chemistry on-screen; we were actors for fuck's sake. But it was the PR people that fed the stories to the media to get them stalking us, trying to get a picture of us out of character, holding hands or kissing. The magazines ate up that shit, and big bucks would be paid to any paparazzo that managed to score that exclusive pic. Rose had invited me many times to go to her hotel room. I knew between her and her dominating manager, any after hours liaison would definitely be documented and used to boost her profile.

It's not like she was into me at all. Rose loved to play the game; she fucking loved the spotlight, loved the attention it garnered. She knew I fucking hated that shit though. I did my job, was seen with her at all the right social functions and studio directed premieres. But that's as far as my involvement went.

She knew I wouldn't play along. It hadn't stopped her from trying though. She was young, brainwashed by the Hollywood fuckery. Anytime I had the opportunity I would try and educate her on the ways of the business. I tried to get her to think objectively about why her manager would pimp her out to sell magazines and newspapers. The hoards of people that worked behind the scenes, they all needed a salary, and in this business, Hollywood, it was all about the fucking money. From which sponsorship deals to take, to what designer you wore, the watch on your wrist, even the make of fucking car you drove. It wasn't rocket science, but Rose was so caught up in the adoration and the bright lights, she was worshipped, she lapped it up. And people paid her big bucks to endorse products.

I could see that she was on the path to becoming another Tanya Denali.

_Hell would freeze over before I had any hand in that metamorphosis._

"Yes, of course. Heidi has it all planned out, like clockwork. Four days Edward, so suck it up and play nice, okay?"

"Sure John, no problem." _God help me, if Heidi has planned the entire PR campaign, I'm in for a hellish four days._

"Okay, you know how to reach me if you need to. Oh, and Edward. Berty's new film has just got the green light by the studio. They're going to back this one 100%, so read the fucking script before the meeting. I'll speak to you later." The phone disconnected and simultaneously there was a bashing on my trailer door.

"Edward, Rose is back on set, are you good to go?"

"Yes!" I hollered.

Four days. I took a deep breath in and tried to block it from my mind. Four days with Rosalie and Heidi. _Fucking hell._ Next week was going to be exhausting. But, I have this week, to spend with Bella in the bar. Yes!

~~Bella~~

I re-read Edward's text.

_**Hey! See you in the bar tonight, so we can talk about the song? - E**_

I got to the bar early. I knew Edward wouldn't get here until at least 10pm, so I opened my laptop and re-read my story. I scoured my notebook. I knew exactly what I was supposed to write, the plot to my novel was well thought out. I had detailed notes, character profiles, snippets of dialogue already written, but for the life of me, I couldn't type a single word.

All my thoughts were of _Episode_, Edward, Jessica's email, and Riley.

I ordered a bottle of Croser from James and took in the opulence of the bar. Jessica's words kept flying around in my head. _Riley split up with Victoria. Edward and Rosalie, fucking each other's brains out off-screen_. I could feel myself getting over-heated and panicky.

I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face. _What the fuck am I doing here?_ I'm supposed to be writing, concentrating on my novel, focusing on getting it written and published. This is all I've ever wanted to do, well since running from Riley. My writing was my refuge from the pain. It had given me comfort, a way to push my feelings for Riley, the loss of him, to the back of my mind. Why in the hell, now, am I getting damn writer's block?

My whole body was racked with anticipation of just sitting next to Edward, hearing his voice, feeling his radiating warmth. _Enjoy it Bella, while it lasts. _He could - he _would_ - be gone in a couple of months. Why did I feel like the pain of not seeing Edward would be just as bad as the pain of losing Riley? He was an amazing person, but there would never be anything more than friendship between us.

I slowly massaged the rose-scented hand moisturizer between my fingers and into the backs of my hands, and walked back to the booth. James had poured me a glass of Croser. I took a long sip.

I need to focus. I need to just take each day, enjoy Edward's company, memorize every feeling and every experience with him, because it will all be gone soon. The thought was depressing me. I looked at my laptop. Maybe I should try and write an email reply to Jessica. _Shit! I was supposed to call Renee! Fuck!_

I could call her now, just a quick call telling her I'll email her. It was just after 2pm in Sydney. I fished my mobile out of my bag and dialed.

"Hello?"

"Mum, it's me."

"Bella! You're calling from Vancouver? Isn't it late there? Shouldn't you be in bed?" she chastised.

"It's only ten, mum. I'm...writing. I'll be going to bed soon, promise." I hated lying to her, but it's not as if I'd tell her I was sitting in a bar waiting for a drop-dead gorgeous Hollywood actor!

"This phone call is probably costing you a fortune Bella."

"Mum, I just wanted to hear your voice. I'm going to email you. I just wanted to see if you and Phil are okay?"

"Yes, well, funny you should ask that Bella. We're thinking of buying a boat and going for a little adventure up to Queensland over the Christmas holidays, or maybe we can wait until January when you are back and you can come with us?" She sounded excited, I couldn't help but smile, but the thought of being trapped on a boat with Renee and Phil for any length of time was excruciating! They would drive me insane.

I thought of being back in Sydney.

I thought of how depressed I'd feel not being able to see Edward.

The pain hit me like a pounding wave in Bondi surf in summer. I felt winded, all the air whooshed out of my lungs. The hollow ache left in my chest was infinite.

"Umm, that's okay mum, you two will have much more fun as a couple. You should go over Christmas. I'll probably stay with dad in Forks until after New Year." I tried to stay calm, but silent tears flowed and I held my hand over the receiver as I sucked in a huge breath.

"Okay honey, we can talk about it later. We haven't even decided on a boat yet..." my eyes closed and white lights flashed behind my eyelids. I need to eat something, the champagne was making me feel giddy and my emotions had been frayed all day.

_Snap the fuck out of this Bella!_

"...so make sure you say hi to Charlie from us and send me that email, and I'll let you go, because this call will be so expensive Bella. Phil set us up on that Skype thing, so maybe we can talk that way next time?"

"Okay mum, yes, send me your user name and I'll Skype you." I could hear the emotion in my voice, and I was loathe to try and conceal it.

"Are you feeling okay Bella? You sound a little weird. PMT honey?"

"Urgh," I groaned. I mentally calculated dates in my head. "Um, yeah, I think so." _Great! No wonder I've felt depressed all day! How in the hell could Renee work that out by listening to my voice!_

"Bella, go to bed honey, get some rest, you can continue on your story tomorrow, or have a doona day, stay in bed with a hot water bottle and watch daytime TV, that always makes you feel better!"

I couldn't think of anything worse.

"Okay, I will, bye mum."

"Bye honey, I love you baby girl."

"I love you too."

I placed my phone on the table, just as James came up to me. "Excuse me, Miss Swan, can I get you anything? You look a little pale."

_Oh James, you always anticipate my needs..._

"Yes, I think I need to eat something."

"I know just the thing that will make you feel better, I'll order something for you and bring you some water." He smiled at me and strode away.

~~Edward~~

I walked into the bar and saw Bella had her laptop out and her papers strewn across the table. _She's drinking champagne tonight. A writing breakthrough, maybe?_ She gave me a half smile when I sat down, but her eyes quickly reverted to her laptop screen.

"Hey, champagne? Are we celebrating?" I questioned, nodding towards her Mac.

"What, oh, um, no, not really. I mean I haven't progressed, I've just been going over my notes and re-working some things." She was blushing, and I couldn't decipher why. She didn't seem very comfortable.

James approached the table. "Would you like a glass Mr Paul, or a Heineken this evening?"

"A glass, please."

Bella kept her eyes down. Something was off. She wasn't her usually happy self; she was making me feel anxious.

"So, can I give you my agent's and manager's details for the copyright contract?" I asked her. She looked at her glass with the same half-smile.

"Sure," she put down her glass and ripped a piece of paper out of the back of her notebook to hand it to me along with her pen.

"Did you speak to your legal representative?" I asked as I wrote.

"I've sent her an email. I'm sure I'll get a response soon, unless she's on holidays. I'm sure it will be okay." She lifted the champagne flute to her lips, just as James returned with a chilled glass on a tray and proceeded to pour some for me.

"Cheers, Bella," I tapped my glass lightly to hers. "Here's to our names being permanently tied together as copyright holders to _Episode_." The strangest look took over her features as she sighed and took a tentative sip of her champagne.

"Permanently? Well, only until we die and then doesn't copyright only last fifty years, after our deaths?" she said. Her face was forlorn.

"Um, that's a cheery thought." I mused. "Actually, I believe it's seventy years, but I could be wrong. Why the talk of death and copyright? Is something wrong Bella?"

"Um, sorry, no, I don't know what's gotten into me. Just ignore me, really, just having one of those days." She started packing away her laptop. I dug a hand into my front jeans pocket to get my phone, opened my contacts list and proceeded to write my manager's, agent's and lawyer's emails and phone contact details on the paper. I handed it to her.

"Wow, so you have a manager and an agent _and_ a lawyer?" she seemed incredulous.

"I know, overkill, right? They all charge me by the hour and all double up on everything. At least one of them will get the job done and I'll get three bills." I laughed half-heartily; she looked shocked.

"I just have Irina. Um, should she email all three people?" She was nervous. I could sense that she felt uncomfortable and it suddenly hit me. _Did she not want to do this?_

"Bella, you seem anxious. Have you changed your mind about letting me use your lyrics? Because if you have, that's really completely okay. I don't want to pressure you into anything." I tried to keep my voice calm, but inside I was panicking. I wanted to sing Bella's words. I wanted this.

"No, I haven't changed my mind Edward. I want you to have the lyrics. I'm just not comfortable with legal jargon and contracts and things. I feel a little overwhelmed, that's all. I'm sure Irina can take it all on. I can just sit back and let it happen. I've never had to do this before. I won my publishing deal and so I took it as it was, no negotiating or anything. It's all a little foreign to me." she smiled at me and for the first time this evening, she looked into my eyes. The relief I felt was immeasurable.

"I think it would be a good idea if Irina emails Carmen Sarran, my agent and copies John Dowling, my manager and Harold Greene my lawyer. Between the four of them they will work it all out. I think it's a standard document. The negotiations will come later when it's signed to the soundtrack, and once it's recorded, there will be the issues of royalty payments and all of those confusing things. Please don't worry about it now; it will take them months I'm sure, all the while they'll be sticking their fingers in the pie to draw their salaries."

"Months?" she questioned. She kind of looked hopeful.

"Well, yes, that's why we should get it all underway now, so they have it all worked out before...before I finish filming and have to leave Vancouver." I couldn't help but sound a little disappointed. She didn't seem to notice, as she sipped some more champagne and stared at her glass.

"When exactly do you finish filming?" she asked in a small voice, almost a whisper.

"If we're not running behind because of the rain it will be mid-late November." It was already early August. I haven't even known Bella a week! I had the next three months to spend getting to know her, spending a few short hours a night in the bar with her, and if I could, maybe spend some time with her on the weekends, inside the hotel. _God, except my four days of hell with Rose and Heidi next week._

"I have to go on a four day publicity junket next week." I said casually.

"Oh, what's that for?" her interest spiked.

"The release of a DVD, no big deal, I'll have to do the talk show rounds in New York and LA, attend some ghastly fan events, that type of thing."

Bella seemed to have perked up considerably and was grinning at me.

"Oh, your fan events are ghastly, are they? I'm offended!" She flashed me her cheeky grin and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, present company excluded, of course, Bella."

"Of course, Edward."

~0~

**A/N: I'm sorry this took so long for me to post. I was on 'vacation' in New York! I shopped. I did 'touristy' things. I even plonked my ass on the Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park – the exact spot that Robert Pattinson's gorgeous butt sat in **_**Remember Me**_** (oh and I saw the movie again in a cinema in New York, which was pretty surreal)! I also met the fantabulous Twanza! Author of the **_**Neverending Math Equation**_**. If you haven't read it yet, what have you been waiting for? She won an Indie TwiFic Award for Best Love Triangle WIP. Go - http:/www fanfiction dot net/s/5387403/1/Neverending_Math_Equation I was so privileged she took me on a guided walking tour of fabulous Brooklyn! Words cannot describe how much I was internally fangirling! (Twanza, if you are reading this, I'm mortified)!**

**I also wrote a one-shot for the Public Lovin contest - **_**Exchange**_** (I know, I have this compulsion to write one word story titles that start with an 'E'! It is lemoney sweet. Go and read the entries at http:/www dot fanfiction dot net/u/2334596 and voting is now open until April 26 (U.S.)!**

**Thanks go to MizzezPattinson (are you sick of these shout outs yet?). Lady Zoe and CandyTwi, who are all fab authors, so go and check out their profile pages and read their stories at Fanfiction dot net!**

**And now this is the part where I ask you to click in that little box below and let me know what you did or didn't like in this Chapter… **

**Luv BBxx**


	10. Sharp

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

~~Bella~~

"Hi Mike!"

"Miss Swan, how are you today? Anything I can help you with?"

"Well yes. I...have a hypothetical question for you," I smiled and raised my right eyebrow a fraction.

"Right, hypothetical," he touched the side of his nose conspiratorially.

"Say you were a talented musician that hadn't played a live gig in ages, because if you did, you'd get, like, how do I say this..."

"Mobbed?" he prompted.

I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "Well yes, hypothetically speaking." Of course Mike would know that I was referring to Edward, or rather, his hotel alias, Mr Paul.

"Hmmm, go on."

"Well, where would one take said talented musician so they could play the guitar or piano without the fear of being 'mobbed'? Somewhere like an open mic night, or new talent type of arrangement, but without, umm, a large crowd of females?"

"Ahhh, well, let me see." Mike held out his hands, tapped his forefinger to each of the fingers on his opposite hand as if he was checking off a list. "A place someone could play the guitar or piano, no large female crowds, close to the city, no media, yes?" His eyebrow was now raised.

I nodded.

"Well Miss Swan, I love a challenge. Let me do a little research and I'll be able to supply a list of suitable venues to you by three o'clock."

"Really Mike? That would be so fantastic. Okay, so I'll pop back down to see you at three?"

"Yes, or I can have the list slipped under your door."

"No, I'll come back down at three!"

"Very well Miss Swan, enjoy your day."

I couldn't help the appreciative smile that spread across my face. I walked out of the lobby to the street, pulling my sunglasses off my head and over my eyes to cut the glare from the early morning sun.

I was excited to plan this for Edward. I had no doubt that if anyone could suggest the perfect venue, it would be Mike the Concierge.

Last night in the bar, I had forced myself to get out of my depressive and contemplative mood. I knew my monthly hormone surge was making me mopey. _God Bella, so many girls on this planet would give their eyeteeth to sit in a bar with Edward Cullen every night while he played the piano!_

Edward said he'd be filming for at least another three and half months! He'd told me that would be the minimum if the production wasn't pushed back because of rain.

I wish I knew some hunky Native American who I could flirt with to get a couple of rain dances going on...

But I couldn't curse the sun for long. The weather was gloriously warm, almost hot and, as I explored the streets of Vancouver, I felt giddy and anxious about seeing the venue suggestions Mike would come up with, and then scoping out each one to find the perfect place.

I would probably never see Edward again after he left Vancouver after filming, unless he ever came to Australia to make a movie. So I was determined, after recognizing my sad-ass wallowing about the copyright thing, that I should make the three months count. I would try and spend as much time with Edward as he would let me.

_Friends_.

I thought back to the gorgeous picture of him, hanging in Ben's studio. I wanted to see Edward on stage, with that look of intensity and happiness. I wanted to feel the buzz that Angela had felt, when she was in the audience at Ben's gig. I wanted to experience that with Edward.

I still hadn't responded to Jessica's email, the main reason being that I knew her and I knew that she wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut. She would tell everyone that Edward and I were 'friends' with air quotes, she'd make it sound tawdry, she'd imply we were 'on'. I could just imagine some smarmy smooth-talking journo from _Famous_ magazine or _New Idea_ calling her to get the exclusive on the Aussie try-hard writer who managed to get a long term booking in the same hotel as Edward Cullen. I shuddered at the thought.

No, I couldn't tell Jessica. Not yet anyway.

Plus, there were other things that I didn't want to think about right now, like Riley splitting up with Victoria, and him asking Austin about me. _Why would he even want to know? _

Irina hadn't responded to my email requesting assistance with the legal side of the song copyright, but I was kind of happy about that. It meant I could drag my feet a little...that surely couldn't hurt?

After spending a lot of time in the cool air-conditioning of a few funky boutiques of Granville Street, and buying the most gorgeous pair of shoes, I decided to walk back to the hotel. It was only midday. I ended up sitting in the hotel restaurant for lunch. I walked back through the lobby at 12:30pm, Mike was nowhere to be seen.

_He said three o'clock; don't hassle the poor guy._

I went up to my room, all sweaty and stressed. _A swim! Yes! That would be perfect!_

I fished my royal blue one-piece from the bottom of my half unpacked suitcase, threw on my floral print Esprit sundress and headed to the indoor pool to do a few laps.

Swimming always helped calm my nerves, the repetitive action, the muted dome of underwater sounds always relaxed me, and at this time of the month, it also helped me de-kink my aching lower back. All the while I was swimming, I thought of my friend Edward, and how wonderful it would be to spend the next one hundred and five nights, - but who's counting - sitting next to him in the bar!

~~Edward~~

"Edward. Can we go for a drink tonight and talk about the trip next week?"

I glanced at Rosalie. We were between takes, hanging around while Marc was being pedantic about some lighting set-up.

"I'm not up for a drink Rose." Well, that wasn't true, I was up for a drink, but only if it included sitting in the VIP bar in the hotel next to Bella.

"I was hoping to talk to you in private actually." Rosalie was admiring her own fingernails.

"Why? Anything you need to say to me, you can say here, it's not like the crew are eavesdropping or anything, right?"

She huffed.

"Just spit it out Rose. You know I hate it when you do this. What's on your mind?"

"I want you to fire Emmett," she said casually.

_What? That was completely random._

"Why would I do that? He's my bodyguard!" I knew I was sporting a stunned-mullet look. _What is she up to?_

"I want to hire him, and I can't do that unless you fire him," she stated simply, as if it was an obvious reason.

"You want to hire Emmett McCarty as your bodyguard?" I scoffed.

"Yes."

"Why? You have that man mountain Felix, why would you even need Emmett as well?"

"Because I _want_ him Edward. Don't question my reasons, just do it!"

_Oh, and here we go_. Rosalie Hale is used to barking orders at her underlings and miraculously, pretty much whatever she demands comes to fruition.

"You know it doesn't work that way with me Rose. I'm not going to fire Emmett. Even if I wanted to, which I don't, I couldn't, because technically I didn't hire him. The studio did, so you are talking to the wrong person." I couldn't hide my frustration. "What's your motive for wanting him anyway?"

"He's just...I just do." And then she let her guard slip. She was looking off to the distance, and I followed her line of vision to see Emmett, standing at the barrier between the set and the fans that had gathered to watch.

"No way. You've go to be fucking kidding me!" I practically growled at her.

"What?" she turned to me, shocked at my tone.

"You want to hire Emmett so you can get him into your bed? Seriously Rose, you have a major problem. He's not a fucking hooker. You can't buy him. He's a person, not a boy-toy you can fuck and then fire him when you get tired of the sex!"

She scowled at me. "I wouldn't fire him, I have feel...Oh, why am I even bothering talking to you Edward, you're such a..."

"What, what am I Rose?"

"We'll discuss this later Edward." She brushed passed me and stomped over to the catering trailer.

I ran my fingers through my hair and groaned.

How in the hell am I going to survive fours days with her? She's going to be pissed with me about this Emmett thing now. I knew she would keep on and on at me until she got her way. That's what she did. She would wear me down...and I just knew I wouldn't have the energy to fight it. But I'd be damned if I was going to lose Emmett so she could acquire him, use him up and spit him out.

~~Bella~~

"Miss Swan, right on time." Mike handed me a list printed in color on a single page.

I scanned the list; there were three places noted. Each had the contact details, including web address and a map of its location. Mike had even listed a couple of rental car companies that were close by.

"I think the first one would be the best option; the other two may have a younger crowd that may _recognize_ the talented musician," he smiled.

"Mike, you're a genius. You've even given me a map! This is way beyond what I was expecting." I fished some notes out of my purse and awkwardly tried to hand it to him.

He shooed my hand away, "Please Ms Swan, I insist you put that back in your purse."

"But Mike, you know I haven't tipped you and well, I'm sure it is the right thing to do. You know we don't tip in Australia, well, unless we're eating in a restaurant, and the service is exceptional…I will be offended if you do not accept."

"Well, thank you Ms Swan, I happily accept" and he grinned at me again as I handed him the crisp notes.

"Thanks again. See you Mike."

I barreled into the lift and up to my room. My hair was still damp from the pool. I knew if I didn't dry it now, it would turn into a frizz of knots, but I was too excited to wait before checking out the places Mike suggested online.

I snapped open the lid of my Mac and typed in the first web address:

'_Laurent's'_.

The website was very basic. There was a picture of the stage and the bar. That was basically it. They listed the address and a phone number, no email. I thought about calling them later in the evening and seeing what night they did open mic.

The next two places seemed a little too funky. One of them reminded me of Richard's and they had contemporary bands play every Saturday night and the crowds in the online photos looked young.

The final place listed was 'One-Eyed Pete's'. _It could be a possibility_. They had 'Amateur turns Pro' themed night. It was on Fridays.

Okay, so Laurent's, or One-Eyed Pete's - they were the two options I needed to check out.

I suddenly felt all giddy and excited. I'm no good at hiding things, how am I going to keep my mouth shut and just arrange to take Edward there. Mike thought of everything, of course I'd have to hire a car, it's not like we could walk there or get in a cab after I had tried to sneak him out of the hotel. Was that even possible? Would he refuse? Would he hate me if we were seen by fans or the photographers that stalk him constantly?

_I'll cross that bridge when I come to it_. If I analyze it before I've even checked out the venues, I'll talk myself out of it!

I pulled my phone from my bag and sent a text to Edward.

_**Bar tonight? My shout! -B**_

I laughed as I hit send. I wonder how long it will take before he asks me what a shout is!

It wasn't even 3:30pm. I was anxious. I can't just stay here until Edward gets to the bar around ten. I picked up my purse and headed out the door and down into a waiting cab. I gave them the address of Laurent's, which according to Mike's map, was only about a ten-minute drive away.

Once I got there, I looked around. The doors were closed. There were no opening times listed, so I stood on the sidewalk and I used my phone to call the number.

"Laurent's!" said a gruff voice.

"Hello. My name is Bella Swan. I was wondering if you could tell me your opening hours and whether you have any nights for musicians to perform, like an open mic night?"

"Well hello, Bella Swan." I could hear the smile in his voice. "Yes, we do, in fact every night is open for musicians to play at my club. Are you a musician?"

"No, it's not for me, it's for my friend. I'd like to arrange for him to play a gig, and your club was recommended to me. I was wondering what time you open, so I can take a look inside."

"My dear, just come down to the club anytime, I'm always here."

"Oh, well, I'm standing on the street now." Maybe I should have mentioned to Mike I was going to check out the clubs. This street looked a little seedy, even in the daytime, and I would have never done anything like this back home. Here I was in a city I didn't know that well, and whilst I'd never felt ill at ease before, I suddenly thought it was a pretty reckless thing to do.

"Bella, I'll come up and let you in." The phone disconnected.

I stood in a bit of a haze and then quickly called the hotel.

"Mike please," I asked the receptionist.

"Concierge," his cheery voice made me feel instantly relieved.

"Mike, it's Bella, I just wanted to let you know that I'm at Laurent's, and I'm going to go in to check it out. Ummm, can you call me back in twenty minutes or so, it's just I thought I should let someone know where I am, not that I'm worried or anything." although my voice sounded pretty fretful, even to me.

"Ms Swan, yes, thank you for letting me know. I've met the owner, Laurent; he is quite well known in Vancouver. I'll call this number in exactly twenty minutes, just to check everything is alright." he sounded calm, which made me relax.

"Thanks again Mike, I really appreciate it. Bye."

Just then I heard a loud clunking and one side of the double doors swung open slowly. A tall dark haired man stood in the doorway, he grinned at me and then stepped forward. "Miss Swan, I am Laurent, please come in, I'll show you my club."

I stepped forward to shake his very large hand. It was a basement venue, so the stairs led down. The lighting was very dim in contrast to the afternoon sun. I stepped inside as Laurent turned to close the door, but he didn't lock it, which I was pretty happy about. I followed him down the stairs.

"So tell me Bella, what does your friend play?" he queried.

"Piano and guitar. He writes his own music too. He's really talented, but he doesn't often get a chance to perform in public." My eyes drank in the stage and the bar. It was quite a small venue, but I instantly thought it would be the perfect place, that is, if it didn't fill up with twenty-somethings.

"Can I ask you Laurent, what is the average age of your patrons?"

He chuckled, "Bella, beautiful Bella, this may not be the right place for your friend. My customers are all in their sixties and seventies. My father started this club almost forty years ago. Now, mainly session musicians come to play here. They've been coming here for years. My father passed away four years ago, but he made me promise I'd keep it opened, for as long as it was viable." He looked kind of sad, and I watched as he walked around into the bar and poured himself a shot of vodka.

"Join me in a drink?"

"No thank you." I grinned, and I turned to look at the stage. "Laurent, your club is perfect. Can I bring him to play? What night, what time?" I gushed, suddenly extremely excited.

He laughed and then downed his shot with barely a grimace.

"Like I said, I'm here all the time, you can bring your friend anytime at all. We're pretty casual around here. My customers take the stage when they are in the mood, they can play anything from one or two songs to a whole three-hour set if they want. The best time to come is after ten. You can always call me and let me know you are on your way and I can make sure he doesn't have to wait too long."

I looked back around the venue. This was the perfect place. I knew I wouldn't even bother looking at One Eyed Pete's. Laurent's had the right feel, the right ambience. I could almost envision Edward sitting on the adjustable stool on the stage with his guitar.

"Oh, does he need to bring his own guitar?" The thought of trying to sneak him out of the hotel with a guitar under his arm would be physically impossible, and he'd know what I was planning and could refuse before we even left the bar.

"No Bella," he crooned. "We have an acoustic guitar here and the upright piano as well, he just needs to show up and play. I even have a stash of sheet music he can use; it can give him an idea of what the audience likes to hear."

"Oh, they have a preference?"

"Yes, your friend will be highly praised if he can master some 1970's classic rock; blues and soul songs always go down nicely. I would encourage him only to play his own material if it's good. You see, my audience are quite vocal in their appreciation, or lack thereof Bella. He'll know pretty quickly if they are not happy, and well, I like to keep them happy."

My smile returned, my stomach fluttered with girlish adoration, as I thought of Edward on stage.

"I guarantee he won't disappoint. Thank you so much for showing me your club, Laurent. I can't wait to bring him here." I smiled and shook his hand.

"Bella, my pleasure."

I walked back outside on a massive natural high. Mike called me, right on time, and I told him everything was fine, and that I appreciated him calling me back.

Once I got to the hotel I had a relaxing shower and re-washed my hair. The frizz was completely hideous; there was no way I wanted Edward to see me like that.

I managed to get up to the bar by eight and then I thought about my text to Edward. _What to drink?_

James appeared as if he could read my mind. "What may I get you this evening, Miss Swan?"

"James, can you call me Bella? Miss Swan sounds like I'm some tragic heroine in a freaky fairytale or something." I laughed.

He grinned at me. "Of course Bella, I'll try and remember."

"I don't suppose you have any Australian beer stashed away behind the bar do you?"

"Actually Bella, we do!"

He hurried away and I opened my email.

**From:** Stanis, Irina

**To:** Bella Swan

**Subject:** Re: Help!

Bella!

It's so great to hear from you. Everyone sends their love; the office isn't the same without you! I hope glorious Vancouver inspires you? I'm so jealous, I've been dying to go back there, but you know what it's like here, the place would fall to pieces if I left for more than a week!

Song lyrics, Bella, you are a dark horse. So, you've already made friends in Vancouver and with a songwriter no less. I'd be delighted to assist you with the copyright. That's so exciting. Just email me the contact details for your friend's legal person. I think it will be pretty easy and quick to accomplish.

We all can't wait to read your novel, we miss you like crazy, and you've only been gone for a few weeks!

Chat soon,

Love Irina. Xx

I stared at the email. That aching pit in my stomach returned. I couldn't put off having the copyright paperwork finalized. I knew this. Edward was so keen to get it sorted. _God, as long as I make sure I take him to play at the club. Maybe he'll still want to hang round with me, at least until filming ends._ I just couldn't think about how depressed I'd feel when Edward was no longer in my life.

~~Edward~~

I sat on the cool leather seat in the car on the way back to the hotel and pulled my phone out. Three text messages from Alice:

_**You are in BIG TROUBLE! Just call me!**_

_**You cannot ignore me forever!**_

_**You are confusing me Edward, just speak to me. You know I can help! :)**_

Then a text from Bella:

_**Bar tonight? My shout! –B**_

I couldn't help but laugh. She's just too cute. I called Ben.

"Hey Edward!"

"Ben, are you at your computer?" I queried.

"Yeah, God, what happened? Did you get caught by the paps in a compromising position?" he laughed. "I'm doing a Google search right now!"

"Yeah, very funny! Actually, I need you to look up an Australian term for me."

"Ahhh, how is Bella by the way? Have you spoken to Alice yet?"

"Um, no! Why would I want to do that! You know what's she's like. I'd rather keep the existence of my new Aussie friend a secret, for now." I tried not to sound snarky.

"_Friend_, okay, keep telling yourself that, if that makes you feel any better."

"Ben..."

"God Edward, you are so easy to bait. Angela is waiting for me to watch a DVD, so what's the term?"

"My shout." I stated. I could hear the tap of his keyboard.

"Okay, it says on Urban Dictionary to shout is an Australian saying 'To buy the round of drinks. You can shout a mate anything you like, as long as you have the money. Works on a reciprocal system, unless your mates are tight-asses'." Ben laughed loudly; I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

"Oh, thanks." _Bella wants to buy me a drink?_ I couldn't get the grin off my face.

"No problem, enjoy yourself in the bar with Bella, mate!" he tried to impersonate an Australian, really badly.

"Yeah, real funny Cheney. Say hi to Ange from me."

Bella considered me a 'mate'. I was glad. She was more than a little down last night in the bar, but then her mood lifted. We ended up chatting until well after 2am. Our routine had been pretty consistent. I'd go to the bar; she'd be there with her Mac out, trying to write her novel. We'd casually discuss our days, but we'd stayed away from talking about anything too personal, well apart from that night when I asked if she had a boyfriend.

We were slowly getting to know each other. It had been relatively easy so far; except when I talked about the copyright paperwork when she seemed to get a bit down. Bella hadn't treated me differently; she hadn't fawned over me. I felt like we were equals. I felt comfortable with her, and I actually looked forward to meeting her every night.

I wasn't sure how to reply to her text message. Then it came to me:

_**I'm on my way, you shout the first round. See ya soon mate! E**_

I smiled as I hit send. I was going to miss her when I went on that damn publicity junket next week, but I had another ten nights in the bar and maybe we could meet for lunch on the weekend?

I stepped out of the cab and signed a few autographs before rushing up to level 25. Bella was sitting at the booth, as usual; she was reading something on her Mac and frowning. She must have heard the door click softly closed behind me and she looked up, the frown faded instantly, transforming into a dazzling smile.

"Hey!"

"Hi," I started to remove my jacket. I noticed there were two beers on the table.

"You drink beer?" I questioned.

"Only this beer. Lucky for me I'm good friends with James, he mentioned it was one that they stocked. I hope you like it."

I draped my jacket on the back of the booth and picked up the beer. "Australian beer, Cascade?"

"It's from Tasmania."

I watched as she picked up the green bottle and took a long pull. Her eyes were glinting, her lips smiling around the mouth of the bottle.

"I thought Australians drank Fosters." I smirked.

"Ha! No, well, maybe it was popular in Australia in the '80s, but no one drinks it there now. Foster's tastes like shit." She laughed.

I couldn't help but laugh with her. God, she was simply adorable. I thought back to the first night we met; how she tried to mute her accent, restrain herself. Over the last few days she had really loosened up. I was beginning to see the real Bella Swan.

I took a tentative sip of the beer. She was right; I liked it. It was smooth, fresh but full-flavored. She was looking at my mouth, waiting.

"I like it! Maybe we should make sure James keeps the bar well stocked, so I can have a beer with you more often. Although, your choice of Australian wine is exceptional; how _did_ you get such a great appreciation of wine?" I thought back to the nights I shared Bella's choice of white wines. There wasn't one that I had tasted that I hadn't liked.

"My step dad Phil used to be a pro basketball coach. We'd sometimes go to Victoria, South Australia and Western Australia for games. Well, he went to the games, my mum and I would go on the winery tours over the weekends. It was lots of fun, and well, I didn't really learn much, except what I like and what I don't." she smiled.

"Pro basketball huh? That's pretty cool. Did he ever play?"

"Yes, in college. He played in Phoenix. That's where he met my mum when I was two. When he got the job to coach pro in Australia, he said he wouldn't go unless mum and I went as well. Mum jumped at the chance, she was in love and she had always wanted to travel."

"Ah, so you left Phoenix, and moved to Sydney? How did Chief Swan take that news, I mean your mom moving you from Forks to Phoenix must have been hard for him, but then to move you to Australia?" I had never really thought about Charlie Swan, he was always the authoritative police chief that helped my mom with fund raising. I couldn't imagine how he may have felt divorcing his wife and then her having moving their baby daughter out of State and then to a different country.

"Um, well, I was too little to know how that went down, but I always visited him, every two years or so. My mum never talked badly about Charlie, in fact she always told me how much she loved him, but they just didn't _work_. Phil was always there, for as long as I can remember, and they adore each other. I mean Phil worships her, I guess I just accepted it. He's really a great guy, and he is a great step dad."

"Why didn't your Mom and Phil have any children of their own?" I asked.

"They tried, but it didn't happen. Phil's always treated me as if I was his flesh and blood. He even helped me buy my apartment in Sydney and chipped in to pay my University tuition. He did pretty well for himself, and now that he's retired he's constantly taking mum on holidays and romantic weekends. To be honest I was kind of glad I won this writing prize. There's only so much you can take, I mean sometimes they are like a couple of teenagers. It's pretty gross." She laughed. I thought back to my parents. They were pretty open with their affection for each other, and I knew that sometimes it got a little embarrassing.

Bella took another sip of beer and glanced at her Mac. The frown returned.

"Something wrong?" I queried, nodding my head towards her laptop.

"No, um, I heard back from Irina. She said she was happy to handle the copyright paperwork for me. I've emailed her back the contact details."

I smiled widely, "That's great news. I'm sure it won't take them long to have it all stitched up." I held up my bottle of beer and clinked it to hers.

It made me ecstatic that Bella's words and my music would be forever joined together. I felt that we would now always have a connection. Bella will always be connected to me, and the legal piece of paper would be tangible proof. Plus, I knew that if the song made the soundtrack, this would be the start of my music career.

The thought of pulling back on the acting and moving forward with my music uplifted me. I wasn't sure if it was because of Bella's words, or the fact that since meeting her, I'd been able to recognize that the acting wasn't fulfilling me as much as I thought it would.

I'd only met Bella Swan six nights ago, but her impact on my life was immeasurable.

"I think it's my shout Bella." I motioned for James to bring us another round.

~0~

**A/N: Thanks to CandyTwi (candy1 on Twilighted) and LadyZoe for their assistance with this Chapter. Please go and read their stories on **

**Thank you for your reviews…they always make me smile. Luv BBxx**


	11. Barline

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

~~Edward~~

Bella and I continued our nightly meetings in the bar. I even managed to get her to the bar for lunch again on Sunday. We talked about everything, except the copyright paperwork. She would conveniently change the subject as soon as it was mentioned. I had given up trying to figure out why. Maybe she just doesn't realize the words she wrote were fucking amazing?

On Monday night I walked into the bar to see Bella sitting with her laptop out, and no bottle on the table tonight, which seemed a bit odd.

"Hey, you got away early," she smiled at me.

"Hi, yeah, it was a good day, as far as filming goes. We got a major scene out of the way. I'm really happy with it. What about you? Get much writing done?" I was trying to be supportive without pushing too much.

"No. I was too busy with other thoughts…I can always try again tomorrow."

"I know you can work through it Bella, just keep trying."

James the bar guy placed an icy beer in front of me. I guzzled it down. _God I needed that._ It had been a mentally exhausting day. Rosalie had been in my ear all day, hounding me_. God, I don't even want to think about her unreasonable demands. I'm here in the bar with Bella, finally. _And then as I let myself relax into the seat I thought of Bella's cryptic words.

"What other thoughts?" I looked at her and couldn't help but notice she was pretty much buzzing, and I thought maybe she had already had too much wine.

She looked at her Mac with a giddy smile on her face. "I was scheming. It's still early. Do you want to go somewhere with me?"

"Scheming? Go somewhere? Somewhere not in the hotel?" _What is she thinking?_

"I want to take you out. I have the perfect place in mind. We just need to do it without getting caught by the paps."

_Bella wants to take me out?_ It felt fucking amazing to hear those words, but reality kicked in immediately. "Impossible." I sounded harsh without meaning to. "They're everywhere, and so are the fans. It's just not possible." She had no idea; I just couldn't share myself around with any more people today.

"Well, I wasn't planning on taking you out of the front door Edward."

"How were you planning on getting me out then, you don't have the power of teleportation do you?" I couldn't help but sound sarcastic.

"No, I don't possess that particular super-power, nor am I friends with Scotty. To make it out of the hotel without being seen or followed I have to basically hide you in my car." She was grinning.

I was incredulous. She was still so naive when it came to the fuckery in my life. I had a better chance of being cast in a remake of Star Trek than I had getting out of this hotel unseen.

"You have a car?"

"I hired one, it's downstairs in the basement car park," she was glowing with excitement.

"And if I go, where would you take me?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Well, in theory." _Of course I trust you; it's everyone else that wants a piece of me that I don't trust._

"I promise that I will return you to the hotel in one piece and hopefully without your face plastered over every trashy magazine on the planet."

Her eyes were pleading, and as I looked at her I realized she had no fucking idea how hard it was for me to resist her. She wanted to do this, she wanted to try. I suppose that she really wouldn't understand how over the top my life was, until she experienced it with me, screaming fans and all.

"Okay, I'm up for it. I trust you."

"Excellent. Let's go now. I'll just pack up my stuff and drop my bag in my room."

I watched her as she excitedly packed away her things. I drained my beer as the nerves started kicking in. This could turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life. If this went down the way I assumed it would, she'll run from me screaming. Bella Swan would not want to be my friend once she realized how utterly restrictive my public life was.

"I'm going to the restroom first." I pushed myself up from booth. I should tell her no. I want to protect her, but she isn't mine to protect. I'm supposed to be thinking about her as if she was my sister and I'd go anywhere with Alice. I just hoped that Bella was strong enough to handle the pressure she'd be under when we were seen together.

I took a deep breath. Part of me was excited about leaving this up to her to control. I would have never had the balls to ask her to leave the hotel with me, knowing what was going to happen. I returned from the restroom, resigned to the fact that I was about to leave the hotel with my friend.

We stood waiting for the elevator and she was still buzzing. It was infectious. I sensed she had been thinking about doing this for a while. Well, at least I hoped she had.

As we stepped into the lift Bella swiped her room card over the reader to allow us access to the basement car park and she also pressed level eight. _I wonder if she'll invite me into her room. I want to be able to envision the room that she sleeps in every night._

"Just hold the lift for me while I throw my bag in my room," She hurried down the empty hall.

_Of course there would be no invitation to her room!_ I held the button; the slight clicking sound from the doors wanting to close was hypnotic.

Bella returned in a flash all flustered from running and unable to conceal her excitement. I couldn't help but smirk at her. We stood facing each other. I wanted to give her an out, a chance to change her mind, but as I looked into her eyes, I knew she wouldn't. There was a quiet confidence there. I was feeding off it.

Thank God the lift didn't stop at the lobby, it went straight down. She cautiously stepped out and took a quick glance around.

Then she grabbed my hand.

We hadn't touched each other since we were at Ben's house. Ben had kicked the back of my knee and Bella had grabbed my arms to stop me from toppling into her.

That was nine days ago.

Bella was now striding forward pulling me towards a car. I could feel that same buzzing static, that warm pulsing sensation where our skin connected. _Friends should not feel this turned on from holding hands._

She stopped beside a generic looking white hybrid sedan, and turned to face me, not letting go of my hand.

"Umm, you know how we were talking about trust? You'll need to lay on the backseat until we get away from the hotel, just in case the paps are waiting by the exit and decide to follow us."

Her voice sounded confident, but I could sense a little trepidation. I couldn't help but tease her, "Ahhh! This is really a kidnapping. Admit it; you're taking me away to some sex den to have your way with me?"

I hadn't deliberately said anything flirty to her since trying to think of her like a sister, but the ability to stay friendly disintegrated in a proverbial cloud of dust as soon as she had touched me. I could feel myself getting hard, and I fucking didn't care.

Bella stood closer to me than she had ever been, she was blushing and I had to laugh. It was fucking hilarious that after being friendly and platonic, her warm hand in mine was all that it took to make me want to forget all about my mantra. I would give anything to have her, and I couldn't believe that I had not touched her in over a week. _What the fuck was I thinking?_ I couldn't go back.

I instinctively reached up to run the back of my fingers over her burning cheek.

"Sorry, I'll behave. I just love it so much when you blush like that." _Did she feel it too?_

Her skin was smooth, warm and soft. I could feel the heat from her blush emanating into my fingers. It felt amazing to touch her so intimately. I wanted to trail my fingers down to her jaw, to her neck. I want to…

"Stop it!" she laughed. I reluctantly removed my hand.

"Are you going along with this or not? We can always go back up to the bar." She sounded like a petulant child, and I was coming undone, because I felt harder than I had ever been and I didn't want her to look down and fucking see.

_Or did I?_

"No, I'm just messing with you; it's so easy to do." I opened the car door as I dropped her hand turning away from her so I could covertly adjust myself. I sat down and looked up to her.

"Lay down," she was smirking at _me_ now, and that was not helping calm my state of arousal. I lay down and thank God she covered me up with a travel rug she had gotten off the floor. I looked across to her. She looked gorgeous, her eyes wide. I tried to read her, she was looking over my form as she spread the rug over me and it was driving me insane because all I wanted to do was grab her and pull her into the car and on top of me. I wanted to taste her lips; feel them on me.

"When we get to the exit you'll have to cover your face, okay?"

"Okay." I closed my eyes. _I can't believe I'm actually doing this._

Bella started the car and we were suddenly moving. My heart was pounding. I casually readjusted my throbbing cock to a more comfortable position.

"It's not far, only about a ten minute drive. Do you want me to pull over and you can ride up front with me?" Her words were giving me the most erotic sexual images.

"Actually, if it's only ten minutes, I'll just stay back here; it's quite comfortable." There was no way I'd be able to sit up right now without revealing the bulge in my jeans.

She laughed. _God she hadn't seen it, had she?_

I tried not to sound nervous. "If you're taking me as a sacrifice to a bunch of rabid fans, I'll have to hunt you down and inflict unnatural torture, Bella." _Fuck, why can't I stop the flirty talk?_

She laughed. "You only wish that's where I'm taking you. I could pretty much ensure you wouldn't make it out alive. Your fans would devour you whole."

The way her words left her lips was so fucking arousing. I _did_ want one of my fans. Her name is Bella Swan. _I would let you devour me whole_.

_Fuck, I have to stop thinking about her that way or I won't be able to get out of the car._

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" I needed to talk about something else to will myself down.

"No."

"Can I get a drink there?"

"Yes"

"Will there be other people there?"

"Yes."

"Okay, now I'm scared," my nerves were working at diminishing my aching hard-on.

"Trust me. I am 99% sure you will not be accosted, you will not be asked for an autograph and you will not be photographed." She still sounded confident, but I couldn't see her face.

"Bella, you understand how famous I am, don't you? You've seen the girls that stalk the front of the hotel every day, yes?"

"Yes. You need to trust me, please."

"Okay. I'm still _very_ curious."

"Yes, I know you are. It will be worth it. I assure you."

Before I knew it, she parked and turned off the ignition. "We're here. Just stay under the blanket for a minute."

I closed my eyes and willed myself down. I had no fucking idea where we were and then I panicked. _Fuck, if something happens, Emmett is going to kill me_. I can't believe I didn't call him. I trust Bella implicitly, but if we got into a mob, there was no way I could protect her and myself. _I'm such a fucking idiot!_

"Let's go!" Bella got out of the car and walked to open my door. I sat up and threw the rug to the floor. _Fuck, as soon as I know where I am, I'll have to call Emmett_. I got out of the car and looked up and down the street. It was quiet, no people around.

We were standing on the sidewalk on a less than welcoming street. The sign above the stairs was faded and old, and the electric blue neon that hung from the awning buzzed eerily, _Laurent's_. _Now why did that sound familiar?_ Then Bella's warm hand slid into mine, sending that blissful jolt of static up my arm. I squeezed her hand. _I'm not fucking letting go until I absolutely have to._

"Welcome to my sex den, Edward," she said it in the most seductive and sensual voice and for a split second, I thought, _hoped_, it may be true. Then I saw her cheeky grin as she pulled me towards the stairs.

The stench from cigarettes and stale beer wafted to my nose, just as the comforting music reached my ears. The sights and smells reminded me of the dingy bars back in LA and as we descended the stairs, the small stage in the dark low-ceilinged venue caught my eye instantly.

On the stage was a man in his late sixties complete with grey hair and a protruding beer-belly that was barely concealed by an acoustic Gibson guitar. He was sitting on an adjustable stool playing _Proud Mary,_ the old Credence Clearwater Revival song. The microphone stand was set up in front of him. Behind him was an old Baldwin upright piano also with a microphone.

A tall dark haired bar guy was staring at Bella in recognition and with a rather unsettling look of desire on his face. He didn't even look at me; he walked from behind the bar and came right up to Bella cradled her jaw in his huge hands and kissed her cheeks four times.

_I haven't even fucking kissed her cheeks!_

"Bella, beautiful Bella. Welcome back. This must be your _friend_." He stressed the word friend as if the word held a distinct distaste. Bella squeezed my hand.

"Laurent this is Edward." Laurent held his hand to shake mine abruptly.

"Hello. Bella tells me you are quite talented. Harry will be playing for another fifteen minutes or so." He looked back to Bella. "Now my Bella the first drinks are on me, what can I get you?"

"Thank you Laurent, I'll have a glass of house white and Edward...?"

I didn't like the way he was looking at Bella; he was ogling her. "I'll have a whiskey, straight up." My voice sounded curt, almost aggressive. He ignored it.

"Excellent. I saved you the best table, come with me."

Bella walked forward, following Laurent. I kept a firm grip on her hand and I walked behind her. I scanned the room, consciously looking for any fans that could accost me. There seemed to be only one exit apart from the stairs up to the street. _How can I get Bella out if something goes down?_ _For Christ's sake, everyone is smoking_. _This place is a death-trap_. I knew that smoking was pretty much banned in every public place in Canada. I held Bella's hand tightly. I was freaking the fuck out.

Laurent lead us to a small circular table right in front of the stage. He removed the 'table reserved' plaque. There were at least six other tables occupied around us. Two elderly couples and four tables with two to three men on each. They were all in their late sixties to mid-seventies and they were all drinking and smoking. There was a scattering of old guys sitting on stools at the bar. I reluctantly let go of Bella's hand so I could pull out her chair. We were positioned in front of an amplifier, making if difficult to talk in conversational volume.

Laurent made sure we were seated and then returned to the bar. Bella scooted her black vinyl covered chair as close as she could to mine. Our thighs were touching. She cupped her left hand up against my sideburn, her right hand on the back of my chair as she leaned in so I could hear her. I closed my eyes; I could smell her floral perfume. _Don't get aroused, don't get aroused._

"You are up next. You have thirty minutes to play whatever you want, either on the guitar or the piano. These guys are all ex-session musicians. They won't go all fan-girl on you. They just come here to relive their hey-day and listen to good music."

_Of course, Laurent's. I've heard of this place_. So many legends in the music industry had played here in the seventies. It was widely touted as the club that had supported new talent. Laurent would have to be in his late seventies or early eighties. _The Laurent that greeted Bella must be Laurent Jr._

"Laurent says if you want them to like you, you just need to play them some old easy listening classics, jazz or soul songs. If they do like you, they will ask Laurent to extend your set time, or invite you back on a particular night. You totally don't need to do this if you don't want, but I thought you would appreciate playing live without the screaming or the fear of being mauled."

Bella moved her left hand and mouth away from me. I instantly wanted her back; I wanted her breath in my ear. I wanted that static buzz of energy she caused to flow through my entire body.

I turned towards her, my knee pushing into hers. I cupped her ear. _I have to touch her._ My left hand gently curled around her waist. Touching Bella was sending goose-bumps all over me even though the club was uncomfortably warm and smoky.

"When did you arrange this?" I spoke slowly, savoring the way she smelled, lightly caressing the curve of her waist. It took all my self-restraint not to nuzzle her ear. _I fucking want to nuzzle_. I couldn't believe she had arranged for me to play a live gig, without anyone finding out. She didn't even live in Vancouver. She didn't have any connections in the music industry. She never ceased to amaze me.

I leaned back to look at her; her eyes were closed, she was smiling. Then she must have sensed I was staring at her. Bella opened her eyes and stared into mine. _She knows me, she knows the real me. We are connected. Everything Alice has said is true. I can't deny it any longer_. Our faces were only inches away from one another. Her breath was sweet, fresh, flowing in and out of her like she had just climbed some stairs. Her creamy pale skin instantly started to flush. She dug her teeth into her plump bottom lip. Her eyes left my gaze to look at my lips. I licked them instinctively.

_I want to kiss her._

She took a deep breath and leaned to cup my ear again.

"I found this place on Wednesday." Her voice sounded a little shaky. _Am I_ _making her uncomfortable?_ "Mike the Concierge suggested this venue and a couple of others. This is the only one that doesn't have your obsessive fan demographic. You know this must be the only live music venue in Vancouver that generally has no female patrons under the age of sixty-five!"

I squeezed her waist and laughed. _She had arranged this in less that a week?_ We looked at each other. I leaned towards her. _Just one_ _kiss. Just a little brush across her full lips. Maybe I could kiss her cheek. _I hesitated, trying to read her expression. _Does she want me to?_

Then the song ended and a scattering of clapping broke our intense connection. We both righted ourselves, my hand reluctantly left her waist, her hand left the back of my chair and we joined in the applause.

A new song, _It's Over_ by Boz Scaggs. I watched Bella as she slowly peeled off her jacket. I smiled and did the same, hanging my jacket loosely on the back of the chair; the heat from our closeness had made me uncomfortably hot.

In that instant, Laurent arrived in front of us and presented my whiskey and Bella's glass of wine, before leaning down to tell us to call him over if we needed anything else.

I couldn't help but notice that he looked Bella up and down, his eyes lingering over her chest in an obviously blatant way. I was fucking livid. I draped my arm protectively over the back of her chair and thanked him dismissively for the drink. _SHE'S MINE, FUCKER_. I twirled my fingers lightly in her hair. I had the overwhelming desire to punch him in the face.

Laurent smiled at her sweetly and returned to the bar. I leaned my mouth down to her ear.

"You didn't come here by yourself did you? I mean that guy practically just undressed you. He's a fucking pervert."

"I did come here by myself, and Laurent was nothing but a perfect gentleman. You don't need to worry about me; I'm a big girl."

_God, I'm being a possessive freak._ I should give her some credit; she would never be interested in _that_ guy. She's her own person, and I had no claim on her. Bella was free to be with anyone she wanted. I looked over to the stage. Her thigh and knee was still touching mine. I needed the physical connection with her like I needed to breathe. It was an intimacy best fitted for lovers, not friends. My fingers were still toying with her hair. I couldn't deal with all these emotions. I gulped down my whiskey_. I need another_.

"I'll be right back," I stood abruptly and strode with a distinct purpose to the bar. I need to refocus. I was going on the stage in less than ten minutes. _Thoughts of Bella need to wait. I need to call Emmett. _

I ordered another whiskey and a mineral water for Bella.

Emmett's phone went directly to voicemail. "Emmett, I'm not in the hotel. I'm out with Bella. I know, I know, it was a fucking idiotic thing to do, but we're safe and I think everything will be cool. I'll call you if I need help. I'm only a ten minute drive from the hotel. Don't freak out if I don't answer my phone." I paid for the drinks and returned to Bella.

"Thank you," she said as I placed the glass in front of her. I was sweating from the stuffiness of the smoky haze that surrounded us. My body was tense. I deliberately angled myself away from her so our thighs or knees were no longer touching. I knew I needed to try and get back to the friendly casual behavior that had existed up until she touched me. I had to hold on to the pretense that she was just a friend, even though it was killing me.

Then my phone started to vibrate. I didn't look. I knew it was either Emmett calling me back and about to have a coronary on the phone, or it was Alice, because I just knew she would be getting a confusion of emotions from me right now.

Harry's set finished and the applause returned as he got up, placed the guitar on its stand beside the stool and stepped down off the stage. Laurent handed him a beer and patted his back. They were talking and two other old dudes walked up to him to shake his hand.

Laurent then grinned at Bella and walked onto the stage.

"Give it up for Harry, great set man, as always." Everyone clapped again and Harry nodded and lifted his beer in a silent toast.

"Tonight, we have a new performer. I've slotted him thirty minutes, but you can all come and tell me if you want me to boot him off earlier." he glanced over to me with a wry smile, indicating that I'd better be good.

"Edward, everyone."

People clapped nonchalantly and Bella touched my arm in encouragement as I stood up. I picked up my whiskey, looked down at Bella and smiled. The warmth of her hand on my arm made me want to stand there forever. She slowly pulled her hand away and I walked to step up onto the stage. I placed my whiskey on the floor and lifted the guitar, adjusted the stool height and the microphone, "Thank you, I hope I don't disappoint."

I twisted the plectrum in my fingers. I looked at Bella. She had the biggest smile on her face and she was buzzing again, she was excited. She looked radiantly beautiful.

Sitting on a stage felt so natural to me. I strummed a few times and settled into the seat, cleared my throat and began.

~~Bella~~

I didn't recognize the music but after a few bars in, the men sitting at the bar hollered a bit of a catcall in appreciation and the smile that lit up Edward's face was something I will never forget. That one sound of acceptance completely changed his demeanor and he belted out this amazing song. His voice was steady yet sultry. The guitar seemed to be connected to him, an extension of himself, his fingers and body looking so natural and relaxed.

I sat it utter awe of him. I saw Laurent from the corner of my eye, as he watched Edward his body swayed to the rhythm of the song and he glanced around the venue with a huge smile. I quickly turned to see that the entire room was captivated.

The whole set was the same. Edward's energy level never wavered. He'd pause between each song to sip his whiskey, and he'd engage the audience by introducing the song, telling little stories about why he wanted to play it, referencing his favorite musicians. The audience agreed with him with hollers and shouts. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I could see him glowing, his eyes alight with happiness.

_This is exactly what I wanted to see._

Laurent would casually set a fresh drink on the floor near the microphone stand as soon as Edward had finished his previous glass. The atmosphere in the room was electric, and as Edward played I noticed more and more haggard close to seventy year olds arrived at the bar.

After about five songs, I casually glanced behind me to find the entire bar was now packed. I panicked, scanning faces for female fans, but no, they were all older men. They weren't here because it was Edward Cullen playing; they were here because the young man on the stage was an excellent performer and a naturally talented musician.

It was extraordinary how he managed to appear as if he was just playing to an intimate group of friends, rather than to complete and utter strangers. His set list was making his audience like putty in his hands. Some of the songs I recognised as 70's classics. Others were more obscure, but a raging success with this appreciative audience.

Edward had been playing for over fifty minutes, when he unhooked the guitar strap from around his shoulder, the shouts of protest to keep playing was deafening. Edward simply laughed and said he'd do one more song, "You guys are a great audience, but I really need to go to the restroom."

Laughter filled the room, as Edward set down the guitar and walked over to the piano. He turned on the microphone. "This song is for the beautiful girl sitting at the table down the front." _He thinks I'm beautiful? _I laughed as more than a few older gentlemen wolf-whistled, and Edward grinned at me. _He's just being entertaining._

"This song is called _Episode_, it's an original composition. I hope you will give me your feedback," he looked straight at me, "For you, Bella."

Then Edward started playing our song. The audience's hushed and respectful listening astounded and unnerved me. _What if they hate it?_

Edward didn't seem worried. He played and his voice sounded so much more powerful than when he sang it to me in the relative formality of the 'purple' bar.

The realization flashed to me in that instant. Edward was more comfortable playing to fellow musicians in a seedy and dark basement venue on an old and battered upright piano, than he was surrounded by opulence in a high-rise hotel VIP bar on an expensive grand piano.

The difference was like night and day.

At the last keystroke the room burst into applause and Edwards smile was only for me. I was frozen. I was in shock. _Episode_ sounded magical when he sang it with uninhibited fervor.

His eyes were locked to mine. He knew there was no way I could deny it now. The song really was exceptional. _Perfect_.

He smiled and stepped down to approach me. He leaned at the waist, his lips almost brushing my earlobe and he breathed. "Thank you for bringing me here. You'll never understand how much it means to me." He sighed, the warmth of his breath sending shivers over my entire body. Then his moist lips touched my cheek, lingering in a soft kiss. It sent a wave of pleasure through my skin and into the pit of my stomach. He stepped back to look into my eyes. "I'll be right back."

He slowly stood straight, his eyes never leaving mine, and then he headed towards the side of the bar for the men's room.

I lost it.

My heart was pounding and I was gasping for breath. I grabbed my jacket and hurriedly barreled through the bodies of jovial beer chugging men to get to the base of the stairs. _I need some fresh air._

I sprinted up the stairs two at a time. The cool, fresh air enveloped me as sobs heaved from deep within my chest.

_I'm in love with Edward Cullen._

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**A/N: OK, now please bombard me with your feedback! I'm dying to know what your thoughts are... Luv BBxx**


	12. Quaver

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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~~Bella~~

The depression that took over my emotions was crushing. To me, Edward was the shiny grand piano, and I was the shabby upright. His world was the opulence of the purple bar, but he was happier in the seedy basement.

_Could I make him happy?_

I leaned against the wall under the buzzing of the neon sign, and sank to the ground. I touched my cheek where he had kissed me. It was like he had branded me_._

_I'm in love with him_.

I had been trying to convince myself that it was just physical attraction and deny my emotions, but I knew now that I just couldn't. The desire to be with him was overwhelming and the now silent tears that flowed so freely, made my vision blurry and my nose snotty.

This wasn't a crush. This was more than friendship. This was eerily like the feelings that I previously held for Riley. _I love him, and I want him to love me back, desperately._

I got a bit of a fright when I heard a male voice.

"Are you alright?"

I looked up, tried to wipe the tears from my eyes to see a young couple hand in hand walking by me. They were looking down at me with such pity, that it made my gut ache. I could just imagine what I looked like.

"I'm okay, really." I managed to give them a half smile. They reluctantly carried on walking down the street. As I looked up at their retreating silhouette, the fear and longing was so much more intense. That can never be me with Edward. We will never be able to walk down the street hand in hand, just enjoying each other. Mainly because I knew he didn't feel that way about me, and even if he did, the situation and reality of his life in the spotlight negated any possibility.

I thought back. Riley had hidden me away, made love to me in the seclusion of my apartment. He'd never declared how he felt about me to anyone. Would it be the same with Edward? Would he want to keep me hidden? I know he would want to protect me from the intense scrutiny of the media and fans. If I was going to be with someone, I couldn't be hidden away. I'd want everyone to know, I'd want a real relationship, one that was public and open. I never, ever again would be someone's dirty little secret.

_Don't be insane Bella. Edward just wants to be your friend, nothing more._

I hadn't put my jacket on, but I plunged my hands into the pockets desperate to find a tissue. I found one that had been used, but it was all I had. I blew my nose and folded it before mopping up the tears that had fallen down my face and neck.

_How can I feel this way? I only met him twelve nights ago!_

I knew that Edward would have come out of the men's room by now, and if he saw I was gone, he would freak out and come to find me.

If he saw me like this, I'd have to explain myself. What could I say to him? _"Edward I've fallen in love with you and it's scaring the shit out of me, because I know I'm going to lose you in three months when you leave."_

I lifted myself up off the cold ground and took in some long deep breaths. I had to go back inside and pretend I was okay. I have to try and hide these feelings. I wouldn't be able to survive his rejection. I knew I only had a short time to be with him and I couldn't fuck that up by being an emotional wreck in front of him.

_We're friends and we're working on the song together. That's all Bella._

I remembered his words from the night we had met in the bar. He said that he didn't get romantically involved with people he was working with. 'Messy and emotional' he had said. That's what I would be. I'd become this embarrassingly annoying emotional parasite. I could just imagine how fast he'd run from me, if he had any clue what I felt for him.

I descended the stairs tentatively, my legs felt like concrete. I glanced over to our table but he was not there. I eventually spotted him surrounded by musos, waiting to shake his hand and pat him on the back. He was talking and laughing with them, and he held a beer in each hand.

Seeing Edward surrounded, as the men casually waited for their turn to speak with him, was comical. I promised Edward he wouldn't be accosted by fan-girls, but his charm and talent had managed to excite a plethora of old men, who were buying him beers and slapping him on the back with gusto.

I stood on the stairs for a long while. I noticed Edward straining his neck casually to try and see if I was at our table. He finished one of the bottles of beer that he held and shook some more hands, and then someone offered him a cigarette. I stared in disbelief when he waved his hand in dismissal.

And then my mind wandered back to when we saw Ben's band play at Richards. He hadn't smoked. And then I tried to remember if I had seen him actually smoke a cigarette in front of me, and he hadn't. That night that we first met to talk about the song, he hadn't smoked that night, or any night since we had met. I just assumed he didn't smoke in front of me, as he knew I hated it. _Could he only be smoking during the day, on set?_ I found it very hard to believe that he would not accept one now, when he was drinking and in a bar with smokers. He constantly confused me.

I slowly walked back to our table and took a huge gulp of mineral water. My eyes felt puffy from crying, and they were now sore from the haze of cigarette smoke. I placed my jacket back over the chair and headed toward the bathroom, deliberately staying out of his sight.

I looked in the dirty mirror and sighed. I looked like I had been bawling my eyes out._ Thank god I didn't wear mascara tonight_. I bathed my stinging eyes in cold water and tried to relax. I blotted my face with the scratchy paper hand towels and retrieved a hair tie from my jeans pocket. I gathered the bulky sweaty mess up into a pony tail, instantly feeling the cooler air in the bathroom caress my now exposed neck.

Once I went back into the bar, I saw he was still surrounded and with a fresh beer. The sound system played Van Morrison; no one had taken Edward's place on stage. He didn't look like he was in a hurry to leave, and I relished the thought of having some time to sit and calm down after my panicky realization.

When I got back to my table, the two elderly women that had previously sat with partners were now seated together at the table next to mine. "You are a very lucky girl," one chanted to me. She had a frizz of bright red hair, and a face that had been worn with age and cigarettes. They were both smiling at me and motioned for me to join them.

"He's not getting away any time soon dear."

I sat at their table, and smiled. "Hi, I'm Bella."

"Hello dear, I'm Shelly and this is Sue."

"Nice to meet you both."

"My dear, you mustn't let that one go. He's an extremely talented young man. Better make sure you take good care of him and keep him close."

I smiled at their belief that we were together. For casual observers of our interaction tonight, the sitting close and leaning in to each other to hear, the protective stance he showed when Laurent's eyes devoured me and the way he dedicated our song to me, his kiss...yes, to these ladies, it would seem that Edward and I were lovers. _Oh how I wish that could be true_.

"Edward and I are just friends; we're not together romantically." I stated, hearing how sad and pathetic I sounded at that admission.

They both glanced at each other and laughed at me.

"Dear, that boy is in love with you." Shelley stated, her kind eyes smiling and then she took a long suck on her cigarette her chest expanding and then exhaling the toxic cloud in a loud sigh.

"No, really, he treats me like a sister, he doesn't feel that way."

"Believe me when I tell you he is. I know that look anywhere. He may not have admitted it to himself yet, but he is in love with you. You can see it in his eyes, the way he was looking at you when he played that last song. He's got it bad!" Sue crooned at me, her authoritative statement made me blush.

"No, really, he only looked that way because I wrote the lyrics to that particular song. He's been trying to convince me how amazing the song really is, and I hadn't admitted it up until now. What you saw was his smugness shining through; he knows now that I won't be able to deny that the song is bloody brilliant."

"Bella I saw it. It's the same look Harry used to give me when we were your age. I'll never forget it. He was so handsome and talented. We've been together for thirty-four years. Mark my words, your Edward has been struck by cupid's arrow, he'll be a lost soul without you."

I wasn't sure what to say, and then Harry meandered over to his wife, and the look of love on his face as he approached her was magical. He simply kissed her on the cheek and then looked over to me.

"Harry, this is Bella." Sue introduced us.

"Pleased to meet you Bella," he gushed, and he reached out to shake my hand. "Your boy is a hell of a musician. He has a really bright future."

I knew my blush had crept back, and Sue and Shelley just grinned at me, but didn't correct him. The assumption that Edward and I were together was painful. I knew that I was obviously in enamored of Edward, but for them to think he held such emotions towards me was unimaginable.

"He's getting a little inebriated. Everyone keeps buying him beers. I think you should probably rescue him in a few minutes," Harry chortled.

I turned to look towards Edward. He had managed to inch closer toward us only marginally, and there still appeared to be at least six men waiting to talk to him. He smiled at me and shrugged his shoulders slightly and I smiled back meekly, trying to communicate that I was fine and not to rush.

I turned my head back to Shelley, Sue and Harry, who had sat down next to Sue, their hands knotted together on the table top.

"That last song he played was a masterpiece. He's telling everyone that you wrote the words Bella. Is that true?'

"Yes, I did." Blushing again.

"He's also telling everyone that you just brought him here without warning him, and he had no idea what he was in for."

I laughed. "I wasn't sure if he would have come if I'd pre-warned him. He's talented and a natural performer, but he has a fear of large crowds to some degree." Well, that was true; I didn't need to add he had fear of large (or small) female crowds.

Harry looked gobsmacked. "So, it's really true, he had what, no more than fifteen minutes to prepare for that fifty minute set? He just knew all those songs rote?"

I smiled and gushed, "Yes, amazing isn't he?"

"Will you bring him back Bella?" Harry demanded.

"I'll try."

We chatted for ages, Harry and Sue telling me about Laurent's and how they tried to come down often to meet with their friends and listen to music. I would casually look over to Edward and watch him as he chatted animatedly with a group of men, always with a beer in his hand and the occasional purposeful glance my way to see if I was okay.

"What time is it?" I asked, thinking I should try and get him back to the hotel at a reasonable hour. I'm sure he usually got picked up a five or 6am to get to the set. If he was getting drunk, like Harry observed, it would be a good idea to make a move.

"It's almost one-thirty," Shelley sounded tired.

"I better get him home then. It was lovely to meet all of you. Hopefully I'll see you soon, I'm sure Edward will want to come back." I stood and they all gave me warm smiles.

"Goodbye dear, remember what we said," the two women giggled like teenagers at me and that initiated another blazing blush. Harry just sat quietly contemplating what they may be referring to.

I turned to approach the cluster of men surrounding Edward. It was my intention to make eye contact, but he was deep in conversation. He did look a bit hot and flushed, but he seemed so comfortable, and that caused me to be hesitant at attempting to drag him away. My mind was debating on what my next move should be when I felt a large warm hand on my waist and I jerked my body away automatically and spun to the side to see Laurent staring at me with a suggestive smirk on his face that turned into a leering gaze at my exposed throat.

"Bella, my beautiful Bella. Thank you so much for bringing your friend. As you can see, word travels fast when we have new talent perform. I hope that you will bring him back very, very soon. He's really good for business."

Yes, I could see that was the case, the patrons were foisting Edward with beers and consuming quite a few themselves. Laurent stepped closer towards me and I stepped back away. His smirk widened. "You are welcome, come anytime. If there is ever anything that you want from me, just let me know."

His innuendos were making me very uncomfortable.

"Well actually Laurent, if you have bottled water or Gatorade behind the bar, could you get me some to go?" I smiled sweetly.

"My pleasure, beautiful Bella." He dipped his head in a nod that befitted a dastardly scoundrel.

I sighed with relief as he stalked towards the bar, and caught Edward's eye straight away. _Had he seen that exchange with Laurent?_

He held up one finger gesturing he would be a minute, and it was plainly obvious now, how intoxicated he had become. His body slightly swayed, and his eyes looked heavy, slightly bloodshot and tired.

In that instant, I remembered our jackets and I quickly strode back to my table to retrieve them. Sue, Harry and Shelley must have left the venue. As I gathered Edward's soft black leather jacket over my arm, Laurent appeared with a bottle of Gatorade and a bottle of water.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it."

"Don't be ridiculous, it's the least I could do. This has to be one of my best evenings for months!" He kept his distance; maybe he got the hint that he made me uncomfortable.

He sauntered away, and I made the decision to interrupt Edward's admirers and attempt to get him back to the hotel.

I walked with purpose to the few remaining hangers-on, with the jackets over my arm and one bottle wedged under my armpit and one clasped as if ready to drink.

"Excuse me gentlemen," I interrupted. "I need to steal him away now." They all stepped aside and Edward looked down at me with a glazed look in his eyes and an exceptionally sexy and provocative pout.

"Please meet my Bella. The reluctant lyricist," he slurred. They all smiled and nodded to me.

"C'mon Edward," I teased. "Let's go, you have to work tomorrow." I took his hand. I tried to ignore the pulsing current that tingled up my arm.

_I can't lose it now! I have to get him back to the Hotel. FOCUS_.

Edward stumbled unsteadily passed the crowd as they slapped him humorously on the back, offered praise for his performance and warmly encouraged him to come back.

Edward draped his arm over my shoulder to steady himself as we slowly ascended the stairs. He didn't say anything, and I was suddenly anxious. _If only I could read his mind._

We had approached the car. I pulled my body from under his arm and placed the water and Gatorade on the footpath. He was staring at me intently. I lifted his jacket to help him slide his arms into it, and quickly put my own jacket on, simultaneously pulling the car key from my jeans pocket to unlock the doors.

"In you go." I smiled and opened the door. He slowly reached across and placed his warm hand on my neck, his fingertips lightly tickling my sweaty skin.

"You amaze me," he had almost whispered the words and his normally sultry voice sounded scratchy and hoarse. His warm hand felt so comforting. I closed my eyes briefly, savoring the feeling of his skin touching mine.

_FOCUS!_

I opened my eyes to look at him. He was drunk; he was also on a high from the adoration of his audience. I wanted to read so much more into his actions and words, but I knew it would only be masochistic of me to fool myself into believing they could mean what I wanted them to.

My hand covered his on my neck. "Edward, I have to get you back to the hotel, to your room."

"Mmm, my room. Yes," he breathed, "take me to bed."

I sighed as I peeled his fingers from my neck. My heart drumming wildly in my chest and I held the door as he scrambled onto the back seat.

I grabbed the Gatorade and the water bottle off the footpath and offered him both. He grinned sheepishly at me and then took the latter. He unscrewed the cap and accidently splashed some water on his chin as he tipped the bottle before it reached his mouth.

He handed the half empty bottle back to me and then the cap. I replaced it, and placed both bottles on the floor of the car, retrieving the blanket. He had automatically laid down so I draped it over him. His eyes were already closed.

I shut the door and hurried into the car. My fingers were shaking with cold and nervousness. _Oh God, I have to get him up to his room and into bed without anyone seeing us_. The thought of some sleazy pap photographing Edward in this state made me cringe.

I started driving and planning out how I was going to get him inside the lift and up to his room. He was not going to be any help, and if he passed out and I couldn't rouse him, there is no way I could carry him.

"Edward, are you awake?"

"Mmmm Bella, you're going to take me to bed."

I had to keep him talking; it should only take five minutes to get back to the hotel, there was no traffic. I wanted him conscious so he could walk when we got there.

"Yes, I'm going to take you to the lift and then up to your room. What number is your room?"

"Three-four-zero-one, on level thirty-four."

"Do you have your room card Edward?"

"Mmm, it's in my wallet," his voice was sexy as all hell and the involuntary tingle between my legs was unbearable. The thought of seeing Edwards room, of seeing where he slept, was making me panicky.

"Can you get out your wallet now Edward? I don't want to wait. I need to get you to your room quickly."

"Oh Bella, yes," he practically growled my name and I had to remind myself that as delicious as Edward was, he was drunk and a red blooded guy. There was no way I could let anything happen between us tonight. I wanted and loved Edward, but I would never be able to reconcile being with someone whose decisions were clouded by lust caused by intoxication.

His hand snaked around to my waist from the back seat and his wallet fell into my lap. We were so close to the hotel now. And my mind was clouded with inappropriate thoughts. I had to snap out of it and get him safely to his room, without being seen.

I had turned the car onto the back street behind the hotel. "Edward, you'd better cover your face, in case there are paparazzi around."

The blanket muffled his words; he said something like 'Scum of the Earth'.

I pulled up to the roller gate and swiped the card. My anxiety increased tenfold as I pulled into the closest space I could find to the lift.

I killed the engine, switched off the headlights and took a deep breath. _OK, Bella, you need to do this, like a machine, just get him safely to his room. Focus on the task._

I opened his wallet and found his room swipe card. My fingers lingered over a photograph of Edward and a girl I recognized as his twin sister Alice. _ I wonder if he ever called her back?_

I snapped his wallet closed, and jumped out of the car to open the back door. I stuck Edward's room swipe card in my front jeans pocket and his wallet in my back pocket, and pulled to drag the blanket down his body. His eyes fluttered open as he looked up to me; his sexy smirk full of mischief.

He slowly raised himself up using the palms of his hands on the seat and then shuffled his gangly frame over, before stepping his feet on the ground. I grabbed both his hands and pulled and he stood up and leaned into me.

The electricity I felt made me gasp. Edward's hands snaked around my shoulders and he pulled me firmly against his chest. His cheek rested against my temple. "Mmmm, strawberries," he whispered.

I was melting with desire.

_FOCUS!_

My hands moved up between us to gently push on his chest with my open palms so his head moved away. He looked into my eyes; the burning intensity was making my gut twist and turn; his breath in my face, the smell of hops and malt from the beer, his body rocking slightly.

Unsteady, heady, lustful.

My thoughts were incoherent. _Focus Bella, the task is to get him safely to his room without being seen._

"Your room Edward." I breathed out hesitantly and he closed his eyes and inhaled as my breath swept across his face. His hair was a shockingly, sexy disarray.

"Yes, Bella, I want you in my room," he moaned the words without opening his eyes.

_This can't be happening. I will not be seduced by his words in his drunken state_. My hands dropped to his waist as I pulled him forward so I could slam the car door closed and lock it. I placed his arm over my shoulder and lead him to the lift and pushed the call button. _Please don't let anyone see us,_ I chanted mentally.

After a minute the lift dinged and the door slid open, empty. I pulled Edward in and hit thirty-four. It didn't light up; of course that was a locked floor. I dug my hand into my front pocket and pulled out his card, swiped it and sighed with relief when 34 lit up on the panel when I pushed the button.

_Please don't stop, just go straight up to his level._

As the lift jolted with initial movement I closed my eyes. Edward was leaning onto me and the only sound I could hear was the soft classical music playing from the ceiling speakers and the faint sounds of our breathing.

I was willing the lift not to stop.

At the same time I was anxious and elated that I was holding onto Edward, he was so warm. I could feel his muscular toned body through his clothes that had been permeated with the stench of cigarettes.

"Tonight was wonderful Bella," he had leaned down to whisper in my ear; his hot breath sent a shiver up my spine and across my scalp.

I nervously glanced at the digital panel above the stainless steel lift doors, we were going to make it; we were passing floor 26.

"I trust you." His lips grazed my earlobe, and another chill ran through me. His weight shifted more to lean onto my shoulder and it was taking all my upper body strength to support him.

Finally the lift stopped and the doors slid open. I reached my hand up to cradle his jaw.

"Edward, we need to walk to your room."

He lifted his forehead and looked straight ahead. We stepped out of the lift and into the hallway. His arm left my shoulder and slid down to my waist as he turned his body to the left and walked unsteadily down the hall to the very end. Room 3401. I swiped the card and he pushed one side of the double door entrance.

We stepped into a dimly lit foyer. It had a patterned black and white marble floor, and a small antique side table that featured an elaborate flower arrangement. The door clicked softly closed behind us.

Adrenaline pumped through my body. I was completely sober and drinking in this new environment like a frightened deer in the woods. I was trying to focus on every detail of the room. _I'm fucking standing in Edward Cullen's suite and no one has seen us!_

He stepped cautiously forward his hand pulled my waist in the same direction and as he tried to grasp me more firmly his fingers slipped under my top. His warm hand was now caressing my cool skin in featherlike circles. My whole body was ignited with a desire so intense that I thought I would collapse.

He looked down at me with bedroom eyes. This couldn't happen. _I can't let anything happen_.

I turned sideways and pulled his hand from my waist whilst stepping forward. Swapping his hand from one to the other, I tugged his hand gently as we stepped into the hall.

"Which way Edward?" His hand squeezed mine and he stumbled forward and turned from the hall, pushing on a door and pulling me in.

It was pitch-black; I fumbled on the wall and flicked a switch that lit up two bedside lamps. The gold coloured drapes were drawn, the room was dominated by a massive king sized bed, perfectly made with the right hand side turned down, comfortable, enticing.

Edward was trying to step out of his shoes and I could see that he was having trouble even standing. I led him to the bed and sat him down. I was about to kneel to help him out of his shoes, when his long and muscular arms surrounded my waist. He rested his forehead against my stomach and sighed. I was afraid to breathe. His hands lightly kneaded my lower back. His legs either side of mine, just barely touching me.

I was in ecstasy. I couldn't stop myself; my hands tentatively went into his hair. I had dreamt of this moment since we met. His hands clutched me tighter, and he moved so the side of his face was flush against my tummy. I knew that he could hear my heart pounding. I wouldn't be able to conceal it, and I didn't want to. I wanted him to know how much his touch was affecting me. My fingers gently massaged his scalp, and caressed his neck. Time seemed to stand still.

_I can't let anything happen_.

I'm not sure how long we just stood, his hands gently caressing my back, my fingers playing with his hair, and occasionally digging sensuously into his scalp.

_I can't let anything happen_.

_FOCUS!_

I slowly lowered my hands and pushed back the collar on his jacket. He released my waist so I could push his jacket down over his arms. I clutched the jacket when his arms were free and swung it around and onto the floor. I stepped back tentatively.

His hands didn't return to my waist rather they clutched the edge of the bed and he bowed his head. I needed to get him to go to sleep. I had to get out of this room. I knelt in front of him and undid the laces on his Nikes. Slowly, I took each shoe off and then peeled his black socks off one by one. I dared not look up into his eyes, as I knew he was staring at me. My heart was still pounding and apart from our breathing the sound of the blood rushing to my head was all I could hear.

_I can't let anything happen_.

I felt his hand come down gently onto my shoulder and without looking at his face I stood up taking that hand off my shoulder and in mine.

"You need to sleep," my voice was barely audible.

"_Bella_. Do you feel it?" He groaned as he fell back onto the bed. The way he said my name was filled with wanton lust.

_I can't let anything happen._

I stood at the end of the bed staring down at him. His eyes closed; his chest rising and falling with each breath. _Did I feel it? Did he feel it? Oh God, did he feel the electricity as well? Was he referring to something else?_

I panicked. I needed to get out of there but my legs would not move as I watched him. His eyes still closed, his breathing slowing down. The throbbing pulse in my temples was deafening in the quiet of the room.

He didn't move. I dared not make a sound. Had he passed out, had he fallen asleep?

I took a tentative step back. I retrieved his jacket from the floor, my hands automatically bringing it over my mouth and nose, as if it would hide me. I waited, mesmerized by the beautiful man lying in front of me. He was asleep. The relief I felt was calming.

I smelt the cigarette smoke on his jacket. I looked to the left and saw the ensuite bathroom. I walked inside without turning on the light and hung his jacket on the back of the door.

When I looked back he was still in the same spot on the bed. His t-shirt had ridden up slightly, and the small glimpse of his pale silvery skin and the light dusting of hair above the black leather belt that secured his jeans was fucking unbelievable. My whole body ached to touch him. His skin, his jaw, his lips with mine. Here I was in Edward Cullen's room, and he had passed out on his bed.

_I can't stay here_. I crept quietly to the digital clock on the bedside table and checked that the alarm was switched on. It was already set for 5.30am.

I knew that he would have a massive hangover in the morning, so I retreated from the room and explored his suite to find the bar fridge.

His hotel room wasn't just a room, like mine. It was several rooms, more like an apartment. I found a living area complete with leather sofa and plasma TV. There was a kitchenette and a dining area. I found the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.

I sneaked back to his room and into his bathroom, as I closed the door softly and stood in complete darkness until the door was firmly closed, then my hand felt along the wall for the light switch. Once my eyes adjusted I looked in the cabinet above the sink to find some headache pills. I saw some brightly coloured boxes, I had no idea what I was looking for; all the brand name medicines I used back at home were redundant here. My hand brushed over a box of condoms. My chest constricted. The thought of Edward fucking Rosalie Hale flashed in my mind. I felt sick.

I knew I was invading his personal space. I was invading his life. I had no right to be here. I had no claim on him. His lustful voice and inviting eyes were not for me; it was the alcohol talking. I needed to get out of here. It was only going to hurt more when he left. I needed to repress my feelings, or the weight would crush my heart.

I flicked off the light and opened the door. Edward had rolled to his side on the bed and curled his knees up. I left the bottle of water by the lamp on the bedside table. I fished out his wallet and his room swipe card from my pockets, placing them together next to the water. I walked to the wardrobe and pulled a blanket from the top shelf. I lay it over his body, and I ever so lightly touched the tip of his unruly hair.

"I love you." I breathed in a sultry sad whisper and I flicked off the light as I left the room.

~0~

Would love to know your thoughts about DrunkEdward...

LadyZoe kindly set me up a thread on the Twilighted Forum, so come and say hello:

http:/www dot twilighted dot ?f=44&t=9959

Luv BBxx


	13. Semibreve

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

~~Edward~~

I woke to the trill screeching of the digital clock next to my bed and reached over to slam my fist to stop it. I sat upright, taking notice that I was still in my jeans and T-shirt. My shoes and socks were off, and a blanket I didn't recognize was covering my knees.

I clenched my eyes closed.

I remembered getting in Bella's rental car. I remembered leaning into her as we stumbled to my room. _Oh God, I think I touched the bare skin of her waist. _I could remember how soft and warm she felt. I could remember her floral perfume, her hair smelled faintly of strawberries mixed with the odor of cigarette smoke.

Bella had left a bottle of water for me as well as my wallet and room card on the bedside table. "Ugh," I groaned.

I _had_ grabbed her around the waist. Bella had massaged my scalp and her hands had felt so good, her hands through my hair.

I recalled she had cradled each foot in her hands as she took my socks off, slowly, one by one. The thought sent all the blood in my body rushing to my cock.

_Oh fuck, why didn't I stop drinking after my set? If I hadn't accepted that first drink, they probably wouldn't have continued buying me beers. Fuck. I must have passed out on the bed._

And then my mind wandered to what could have happened if I had been sober.

I would have kissed her. _Would I have told her that I was in love with her? Shit, I have to get in the shower._ I swung my legs over the side of the bed and went to stand, but my head was pounding and my mouth was dry. I grabbed the water she had left for me and guzzled it down, before walking to the bathroom to get into a rather unpleasant cold shower.

_What am I going to do?_ _I'm in love with Bella_. _Alice is going to freak out. I have to call her. _

I quickly washed my hair, as all I could smell was the cigarette smoke. _God, Bella had sat in that smoky room for hours and I she absolutely hated cigarettes_. She did that for me, so I could play the guitar and the piano on stage in front of a real audience, an audience that appreciated music and didn't scream at me.

I hastily got ready; the chauffeured car would be picking me up at 6:30. Once I arrived on location and the make-up artist was done with me, I knew I had about fifteen minutes before they would call me to the set. I just had to call my sister Alice.

I pulled my iPhone out of my front pocket. Alice had tried to call me five times last night; she'd been trying to call me daily for almost two weeks. I knew why and I couldn't avoid her forever.

There were also three missed calls from Emmett. _God he's going to wail on me._

I stepped out of the elevator and walked through the lobby. The black car was waiting, and a fuming Emmett McCarty stood scowling at me with clenched teeth. I nodded politely and got into the car. He slammed the door. I was thankful that Emmett never rode in my car; he always followed, so if anything happened to me or the driver, he could respond as quickly as possible.

I could tell he was fucking livid with me for not calling him back to let him know where I was last night. The drive took half an hour. I had half-a-fucking hour of hell. I was nervous about what Emmett was going to say to me, I was anxious about speaking to Alice and I was overcome with pure emotion whenever I thought of Bella, and how fucking amazing it felt to kiss her last night. If I had thought that touching her was out of this world, the static, the buzz, the warmth that came with touching her skin to skin was nothing compared to what it felt like to touch my lips to her cheek.

_Fucking hell_..._I'm so screwed!_

Eventually the car pulled in and parked. I waited. Emmett opened the door. He didn't say anything or even look at me, he simply held the door for me as I stepped out and started walking briskly to my trailer.

"Edward!"

_Fuck, here we go_. I took a deep breath and slowly turned to face him, and was shocked to find that he was grinning at me.

"I didn't think you had it in you Ed. Sneaking off without getting caught. How did she do it? I mean, no one in the hotel saw you. No paps photographed you. How in the fuck...where did she take you?"

He smiled and walked up to me and slapped me on the back with a chuckle. "You thought I was going to chew you out about it, huh?"

I gaped at him. "Well, yeah, I did."

"I was, but fuck, she must really be important to you if you risked being caught in a media frenzy to be alone with her."

"She is, Emmett, she means everything to me. Hey, can we talk later? I have to call my sister."

I turned and hurried into my trailer. I have to tell Alice.

~0~

"Edward! It's about time! I can't believe you've been avoiding me! What name did you check-in under this time? I tried all your usual aliases; you did that deliberately, didn't you!"

"I…I'm on set Alice and I probably can't talk for very long. There's…well, I mean, I need to ask for your advice and I need to discuss something with you."

"Have you met someone? Where were you last night? I felt it Edward, it was…amazing!" Her voice had softened somewhat from her admonishing rant.

_God, I was stupid to think I could hide anything from Alice_. "Yes, Alice, but before you bombard me with questions, can you hear me out?"

"Where was she born Edward?"

"Alice, please! Can you just listen? As soon as they call for me I'm going to have to go, I want to give you all the information before you go jumping to conclusions. I need you to listen so I can explain everything. Can you do that? Can you listen without interrupting?"

"Okay Edward, but skip the boring parts already and tell me her name!"

"Alice." I warned.

"Okay, I'm listening," she huffed.

"Her name is Bella Swan."

I proceeded to give Alice the shortened version of how I met Bella in the bar when she gave me the lyrics. How I was certain she hadn't known it was me and that she had been mortified when she had realized it, because she said she was a fan, and thought I would think she was a crazy sycophant.

I told Alice about taking Bella to meet Ben and Angela and doing a rough recording of the song. I told her about going that night to see Ben's band play.

I described the daily messages, the nightly meetings in the bar to talk, and then I proceeded to tell her about last night.

"Bella snuck me out of the hotel in a car she had rented. She arranged for me to play a set at this old club. The place was filled with musicians in their sixties. No fans at all Alice, and the youngest female there apart from Bella was sixty-five! She'd been planning it for at least a week. She said she knew that I missed playing to an audience, and that she had to search for the perfect spot, somewhere she knew I wouldn't get mobbed.

"The audience was so encouraging and the feedback they gave me on the song was invaluable. None of them seemed to recognize me; if they did, they didn't mention it, they just wanted to talk to me about my music. They even gave me suggestions on the arrangement. God Alice, it was a really amazing night.

"Except, everyone kept buying me beers, and I got drunk. Bella took me back to the hotel and...I can't remember what I said to her. Fuck, Alice, I passed out.

"I'm in love with her," I blurted. It felt so wonderfully amazing to say that out loud. "She knows me, the _real_ me...not the ideal of me created by the media! I feel the most intense electrical buzz when we touch. I'm so confused."

"Edward, you know what I want to ask you. Can I speak now?"

It was inevitable that once I answered Alice's questions, she would be thoroughly convinced that Bella was the girl that she had dreamt about when we were sixteen. I remember everything she said to me that morning before school. So did she, she would never let me forget, and I knew I would always believe that what Alice had dreamed could be possible, because Alice had met Jasper, and he was the exact guy she had dreamed about when she was fourteen, it had taken her five years to find him. Her soul mate.

"Ask away, Alice," I sighed.

"Where was Bella born, Edward?"

"Bella was born in Washington."

"Oh, well, she's not the one." She sounded deflated. "Just fucking get laid and move on, she can't make you happy. She will be a distraction until your soul mate comes along. I know that sounds cruel, but you know I'm right."

"Alice, can you let me finish? I said she was born in Washington. She was born in Forks, Alice. Her father and mother divorced when she was young, and she left Forks with her mother. They moved to Sydney, Australia."

Silence.

I could almost visualize the cogs turning in Alice's brain. She was speechless, and Alice's description of the dream she had that morning came flooding back:

'_Edward, I dreamt of your soul mate! She's beautiful; she's kind and self-sacrificing. She will love you more than you will ever know. She will be searching for you; you are destined to be together. I think it's soon, Edward, I feel like you will meet her very soon. She is creative and humble. She loves music; she will be your muse. She will support you and encourage you; you will be lost without her. Edward, the impression in my dream was extremely distinct. She has beautiful chocolate brown eyes and she has an accent - she's Australian.'_

"If her parents hadn't divorced, you would have met her when we moved to Forks." Alice's statement was simple and to the point. "But, then she wouldn't have had an Australian accent. She was meant to go to Australia." Alice's confusion was evident.

"Alice, she was meant to go and live with her father in junior year. It was all arranged, she was going to leave Australia to live with him in Forks, but she fought it. I would have too, if I was her. Could you imagine living with Chief Swan?" I laughed.

"Chief Swan? Charlie Swan is her father?"

"Yes."

"Fuck, Edward, it _is_ her!"

"Alice, calm down."

"It's her, Edward. You know it, if she would have come to Forks High…"

"She didn't, Alice."

"You should have gone with mom and dad to Australia."

"What?"

"You would have met her then, Edward. In Sydney. It's her. Have you forgotten that dad turned down the job to oversee the set up of that new hospital wing in Sydney?"

I had completely forgotten about that. My father, Carlisle, had been headhunted to set up a new wing of The Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in Sydney. He wanted to do it, but it would have meant a minimum of four years in Australia. Alice wouldn't go; she had just met Jasper and would never have left him. She was going to UCLA. I had decided not to go to college; I wanted to continue with my music and try acting, so I moved from Forks to LA as well.

Alice and I encouraged our parents to go to Australia. They even went on a two-week visit to see what Sydney was like, but mom couldn't bear to move to another country and leave us, even though we were quite capable of looking after ourselves. She was torn between supporting dad and his career, and providing parental support for us as well as a family home. Instead, they left Forks to follow us to LA and mom bought a glorious Art Deco mansion and spent all her time renovating it. Our family home – a safe haven from the tornado of my life. Dad always claimed that he would have other chances, and they never talked about it again.

"I told you to go Edward. You would have met Bella four years ago."

"Come on Alice, Sydney is not a hick town of a few hundred. It's a major city; you know as a well as I do that the chances were slim that I would have met her there."

"Well, it seems to me that her parents' divorce was the first decision that has kept you apart. Then her decision not to live with Chief Swan was the second, and you not pushing mom and dad to go to Australia was the third. You were always meant to be together, both your decisions have led you to meet now. Don't fuck it up, Edward. Bella is the one. Does she have brown eyes?" Alice's excitement was endearing, she would have felt my emotions last night; elation, attraction, love…

"Yes Alice, she has brown eyes." I couldn't help but roll mine. I knew what was coming next.

"I want to meet her. I can come to Vancouver in a few weeks."

"Alice, please, I'm not sure Bella feels that way about me. We're just friends; we're just getting to know each other." The last thing I needed was Alice showing up and physically pushing me at Bella and vice versa.

"Bullshit Edward! I guarantee you that she is feeling exactly what you are. Poor girl doesn't have the insight that we do so she's probably thinking you are not into her. I suppose you told her about your stupid rule?"

"What? Well, yes. She wondered if I was dating Rosalie. Of course I told her that I don't get intimately involved with people I work with. I didn't want her to think that I was taken."

"Oh Edward, sometimes you are a real ass."

"What do you mean, Alice?"

"You told her you don't get involved with co-workers…and you're working with her to produce the song. I assume she is in 50/50 on the development of it, right? So, of course she's not going to overtly show any attraction to you. She probably thinks you have no interest in her, you jerk! You can be so oblivious sometimes. Do you think she would have gone to all that trouble to set up that gig for you last night if she didn't have feelings for you? Get your head out of your ass! That is the single most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you. She knows you better than you know yourself and you've only known her for what...less than two weeks?"

My head was scrambling with emotions. The thought that Bella had feelings for me made my heart pound and stomach lurch.

"Have you spoken to Bella this morning?"

"No."

"Well fuck, Edward. Don't you think you should do something about that? She arranged that amazingly wonderful gig for you, in secret, and then she gets you back to the hotel and you pass out on her."

"I don't know what to say to her Alice. I don't deserve her. She doesn't deserve the fucked-up public life that would be hers if we were together. I can't put her through that!"

"Don't you think she should get a say in that, Edward?"

"Alice, we hardly know each other. I'm portrayed as some fucking sex symbol. You know I'm not, I don't even come close. She deserves something more. I'd just be a disappointment."

"Edward, it is inevitable. You just told me you're in love with her! You'll be absolutely fucked if you let her go! She is the one, Edward. She will love you no matter what your experience is, that doesn't even enter into the argument. Stop being a fucking drama queen and admit it, or I'm booking a flight this evening and coming to knock some sense into you."

"No Alice, don't come…yet. I see what you're saying, I'm just…" A loud bang on my trailer door stopped my words instantly.

"Five minutes, Edward," shouted the location manager.

"I have to go, Alice." I wasn't in the mood to try and explain to her how I thought my restrictive and sometimes fake public persona made me feel inadequate for Bella.

"Wait! Promise me you'll call me later," she demanded.

"I will."

"Before you go on set, you have to call her or send her a text or something. You don't have to declare yourself, but you can't just blow her off without acknowledgement of what she did for you last night."

"I know. Okay, I'll do it now. I'll be in LA and then New York this weekend. I'll email you my itinerary so we can catch up in person, okay?"

"Okay, and Edward...I'm so gloriously happy for you, and I can't wait to meet Bella. I understand you want to take it slow. But don't deny your feelings, don't give her mixed signals, she belongs to you. Don't fuck this up, Edward, or you'll regret it forever." Alice didn't mince words

"Thanks, Alice."

"No problem, big brother. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye."

I took a deep breath and typed a message in my phone to Bella:

_**Good morning Bella. I probably don't have to tell you how hung over I feel. Last night was fantastic. I absolutely love that you did that for me. The only regret I have is not refusing all those beers, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. See you in the bar later? Love, E. x**_

I looked at the time; it was 8:25am. I wasn't sure if she would even be awake, and I had to leave my phone in my trailer. I waited anxiously. My heart was pounding in my chest. I must have been standing there for a minute, when I realized I had to go.

I placed my phone on the table and walked to the trailer door dejectedly. Just as I opened the door, my phone chimed and it was in my hand after one long stride. I looked at the screen.

_**Mmm, you were a little wrecked last night! Maybe we should go easy, no alcohol tonight! Love B. x**_

I was ecstatic and nervous all at the same time. I couldn't wait for the working day to end.

~~Bella~~

I woke from the sound of my phone chiming; someone sent me a text message. _Edward__?_ I grabbed my phone and read.

_**Good morning Bella. I probably don't have to tell you how hung over I feel. Last night was fantastic. I absolutely love that you did that for me. The only regret I have is not refusing all those beers, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. See you in the bar later? Love, E. x**_

I read the message again. He loved that I did that for him—I assumed he meant arranging for him to play at Laurent's. He regrets drinking too much. That was his only regret. He didn't regret touching me, he didn't regret wrapping his arms around my waist as I dug my fingers into his hair. _Did he even remember any of that?_

He still wanted to meet me in the bar tonight. He signed the message _Love, E_ with a 'x' kiss. Love, it was a powerful word, but written in a text message as a valediction was a different thing altogether.

I don't know how long I lay in bed reading his text and try to decode each word._ Just say yes. We're friends, last night he was pissed; he didn't mean to do any of those things._ He was just a red-blooded guy with beer goggles.

I started typing and then deleted the entire text. Yes, I wanted to spend the evening with him, like every other evening. _Things hadn't changed, had they? I'll just pretend nothing happened between us. Nothing did happen, really. I'm in love, but he isn't. We're friends._ My imagination and wishful thinking just wanted to read more into his every touch and look.

**Mmm, you were a little wrecked last night! Maybe we should go easy, no alcohol tonight! Love B. x**

I read it and read it again before closing my eyes shut while I tapped 'send'.

I jumped into the shower, desperate to wash the cigarette stench from my porous hair. _He just wanted to let me know he appreciated me setting up the gig last night._ _Alcohol aside, I'm sure we'll go back to our easy friendship. _

My mind was a flood of emotions and memories the whole time I was in the shower and getting dressed. I thought about how happy and alive Edward had been last night when he was on the stage. He was so comfortable. His natural musical talent was evident. His voice was seductively sensual, and his eyes sparkled.

I thought about the contentment I sensed when I saw him in that smoky bar. Up until recently, my writing had given me the same contentment. But since the night I'd written the lyrics, my mind had been filled with other thoughts. Thoughts of the mysterious pianist. Thoughts of Edward. I really struggled now to be able to get the words out.

I dried my hair and finished getting dressed. There was only one other thing I could do that gave me the sense of contentment and happiness that was comparable to what I thought Edward was feeling last night on the stage. So I grabbed my handbag and jacket and bounded out of my room and down to the concierge desk.

"Hi Mike."

"Miss Swan, how are you this morning?"

"I'm great, thanks. Please call me Bella, Miss Swan sounds so formal!"

He smiled at me.

"I wanted to thank you; I took my friend to Laurent's last night! Mike, it was the perfect place. Thank you again for suggesting it," I gushed.

"I'm so glad I could help, Bella. Really there's no need to thank me."

"Well, I couldn't have arranged it without you, and I'm hoping I can stretch the friendship again and ask you for directions?"

"Of course, that's what I'm here for."

"I need to buy some blank CD's." I had never narrowed down my Australian band playlist for Edward. I was determined to do it. He could then take the CD's with him when went he went away on the publicity tour on the weekend.

Mike wrote me down the name and directions to a store.

I walked in the glorious sun and went over and over in my mind everything that happened last night. The way Edward looked on the stage, the smile on his lips when he was talking to all the musicians. The look in his eyes when he had touched me, standing unsteadily in the entryway to his suite.

_Oh God_. My mind started concocting scenario's, fantasies. In my twisted imagination, Edward wasn't drunk last night. He was funny, casual, happy, and when we walked into his suite he grabbed me at my waist, and he _kissed_ me, slowly. I imagined the taste of him, the smell of his cologne. I imagined his hands running up and down my back, caressing my bare skin underneath my top. Then he easily lifted me and carried me into his room, laying me on his huge, enticing bed, peeling my clothes off…slowly.

I imagined touching his stomach, above his jeans as he hovered over me on the bed. I imagined tugging on his belt and looking up into his eyes to see them dark with lust. _Oh God, I could imagine him unhooking my bra and touching my bare breasts and sucking on my neck. _

"Hey, watch out!"

I stopped, right before I was about to walk into a mother trying to steer a massive stroller, and wrangle a three year old who was squirming to run away from her.

"Sorry," I gushed as I sidestepped and stood out of the way. My heart rate had picked up and I was disoriented and spaced out.

_Edward_.

_Snap out of it Bella_, I mentally chanted.

Once I had bought the CD's I started walking back to the hotel. I passed a cute little patisserie on the way and something in the window caught my eye instantly.

When I got back to the hotel. I put my dessert purchase in the little bar fridge, made myself a cup of tea and opened my Mac. There was an email from Irina in my inbox:

**From:** Stanis, Irina

**To:** Bella Swan

**Subject:** Re: Help!

Edward Cullen! THE Edward Cullen! The Hollywood actor! Bella, I seriously thought you were joking, until I received a response from his lawyer and his agent!

I understand now why you asked me to keep all the details to myself. I haven't told anyone, but Bella, if I'd met Edward Cullen and had written lyrics to his song I'd be telling the world about it!

I have to know, is he as good looking in real life? Have you met his girlfriend as well?

Can I tell the girls in the office?

Anyway, his agent seems like a bit of a ball-breaker, but his lawyer seems pretty efficient. I have the contract and terms, and I must say Bella, they are very generous. I'll go through all of it tonight and email you back some key points in layman's terms, but everything looks good.

Bella you do realise that if this song does make it onto the soundtrack for the film, well, you will get a very hefty royalty payment? The initial figure that his lawyer was sprouting kind of nearly made me fall off my chair. Let's just say you could comfortably keep writing for the next two years without the need to find a real job!

I hope your not going to ditch writing your novel to be a full time lyricist? But then again Bella, it kind of shocks me the difference between music publishing and the humble old book. It's definitely opened my eyes.

OK, back to work, but expect an email from me later tonight with a more detailed analysis of the copyright contract.

Love Irina,

xx

I closed the email. My mind couldn't even comprehend thinking of royalty payments. How did I feel about Irina wanting to tell the girls in the office that I had met Edward? Meeting him still feels surreal even to me, let alone trying to wonder what all my friends back in Sydney would think once they find out – especially Jessica. I knew they all would eventually. It was inevitable.

Even Irina believes the media hype about him being in a relationship with Rosalie. But my mind didn't want to think of such things. All I wanted to do was remember last night.

When I closed my eyes, I could remember the way his warm lips lingered on my cheek and I could almost fool myself into believing that the heat from his lips were still there, and my fingers still felt the ghost of the texture of his hair, and the feel of it, all messy and thick, yet soft and full.

_Oh God, stop torturing yourself Bella!_

I dug the blank CD's out of my bag, opened up iTunes and started scrolling through the music playlist entitled 'Edward'.

I removed a heap of older songs. Now I knew what type of music Edward played, I understood that he had a preference for the soul, and blues inspired ones, and songs that had lyrics with a story to tell.

Once I was happy with the final compilation, I started burning the CD's. Then I typed out a track listing. All the while I was thinking about meeting Edward in the bar tonight. _Would he act differently? _

And then, even though I was pretty sure my covert visit to Laurent's had gone unnoticed by the paps, there was nothing to guarantee that he wasn't spotted or captured with a mobile phone camera.

As soon as I thought of that I opened a new safari window on my laptop and did a search. After about fifteen minutes, I was confident that we had not been seen by anyone. The last date of a pap pic that I could find was from three days ago when he had been coming back to the hotel—he had stopped to sign some autographs.

I checked my email again and there was a message from Gates Lake Cabin. I had inquired about booking the cabin for a long weekend, but it had been booked solid until after Christmas, and I never got around to looking for an alternative close by. I opened the email. It basically said that the person that had rented it had decided to leave early, and if I still wanted it, I could take it from next Thursday until the following Tuesday. I clicked on the link and looked at the photos again. It was beautiful; a lovely cabin right by the lake. It was a real log cabin, and it was only a couple of hours drive away.

I hit reply to the message saying I wanted it and provided my credit card details and my mobile number. I could drive Thursday morning and come back Tuesday morning. I could devote my time to writing. But when I thought of not seeing Edward for six days, my chest ached and I couldn't bring myself to hit the send button.

_What is wrong with me?_

The conflict was tearing me up. I could tell him how I feel. The rejection would be painful, crushing even, and I doubt he'd want to spend time with me after that. I'd leave the hotel and never see him again. And then I thought that maybe he did have feelings for me and, if he knew I felt the same, maybe we could be together. _Well, that was silly, he would never want __me_. _I was going back to Sydney in January, and he'll be off filming in some other country...It would never work out_.

I hit send. I had to stop making decisions based on a gorgeous Hollywood actor that I barely knew that just happened to want to use the lyrics that I wrote in a psychotic daze. Once he had recorded _Episode_ and the song was definitely signed to be on the soundtrack, he would move on to his next project. Blurting out my feelings and scaring him away was not an option. I would rather be his friend than not have any contact with him at all. It will be hard enough when he finishes filming and I'm stuck in this hotel knowing he has gone.

I tried not to mope. I didn't know how to fill my time while waiting for him. I had no clue as to what time he would be back at the hotel. He normally arrived after ten most nights. What could I do with myself in the mean time?

I called the hire car company and told them I wanted to keep the car for another twelve days. I would need it to go away to the cabin, and maybe when I returned from my trip I could take Edward back to Laurent's.

I decided I'd just go up to the bar. It would be hours before Edward arrived, but there was nothing I wanted more than to be sitting in 'our' booth.

I ordered a diet coke from James and reluctantly pulled out my Mac, re-read my last two chapters and then before I registered what had happened, my fingers flew over the keys in a flurry of expression.

The writer's block was gone!

~0~

A/N: So, Edward _finally_ called Alice!

I have submitted an entry to the Texts From Last Night Contest called _Exclusively_. Voting is open for two more days (June 15, 2010), so I hope you take the time to read the stories and vote for your favourite two:

Story community here:

www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/community/Texts_From_Last_Night_Contest/79665/99/0/1/

Vote Here: www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/2276896/BagofEggsBetches

Come and visit the _Episode_ thread on the Twilighted Forum,

http:/www (dot) twilighted (dot) net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=44&t=9959 or just leave me a review


	14. Bracket

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I knew what Alice had told me this morning was true.

_Bella is the one. Bella is my soul mate. _

I'd seen the level of devotion and love that Alice shared with Jasper and I knew that I deserved that too. When I thought of being with Bella, the pleasure was so intense. The thought of never seeing her again made me nearly physically sick with dread.

I was so hyper on the drive back to the hotel. The thought of seeing Bella had consumed my day.

I was in love with Bella Swan, and the doubts that I had in my mind were now slowly dissipating. Alice was right; if I told Bella how I felt, it would then be up to her to make the decision about whether she could be with me, along with the invasive paps and fans. Being with me came with a whole package of 'others'.

The car pulled up to the hotel and I was out. I signed a few autographs for a handful of giggling teenagers and then rushed to the elevator in a blur. My heart was pounding. I still had no idea what I had said to Bella the previous night, but I had remembered touching her, and I knew that I wanted to touch her again.

_I'm going to kiss her cheek as soon as I see her._ _Friends do that, right?_ _A friendly kiss to say hello_.

I walked into the bar. The scene was like any other night; well, actually like last night–there was no bottle of wine on the table. Bella had her laptop out, but the difference was that she was actually typing and she hadn't looked up. She didn't even notice me slowly approaching the table. Her fingers flew across the keyboard as she stared at the screen.

I couldn't help but feel a little dejected. She usually looks up and smiles. _Did I do something last night to upset her? Have I misread her?_

"Hi," I finally said, breaking her out of her writing trance.

She looked up at me and blinked a few times, then she focused on my eyes and a slow wry smile spread across her beautiful face, making my heart melt.

"Hi! How are you feeling?" She questioned.

"Oh, um," _In love? In lust? Like I want to kiss you?_ "Oh, you know, a little tired."

Bella kept smiling, but then looked back at her screen as I sat down. The time had past for me to be able to offer her a friendly hello kiss and I wanted to kick myself for not being more assertive.

"Well," she stated, sounding extremely excited, "I got through my writer's block! I've been writing for five hours, Edward!" She beamed at me, her cheeks flushed a glowing pink and her eyes glistened.

_Do it, do it now! _

"That's wonderful Bella! I knew you would!" I glided my arm around her shoulders and pulled her into my chest. I surrounded her in a warm hug. Her hands that had been hovering over her keyboard dropped to her lap, as I captured her in my embrace. My head dipped to lightly sink into her hair, and I inhaled to take in her unique scent. _God, her smell, the strawberry shampoo mixed with her floral perfume. _Bella's face was just inches from my skin_._

_I have to tell her, I have to have her_. I wanted to be kissing her mouth, her neck.

I slowly, reluctantly pulled back, and before I could look into her eyes to see her reaction I kissed her left cheek, lingering my lips there, like I had the previous night. It was a chaste kiss that lasted a beat longer than was really necessary.

_I love you Bella._

"Um, thanks." She hung her head, trying to hide her face. She was blushing again, and it made her even more alluring.

"What do you think helped you to get through the block?" I asked her.

She let out a long billowing breath. "I, I'm not sure. I think you inspired me last night." She glanced downward as a small smile graced her lips.

_Oh God, she must have felt the intensity from me when I was performing: the emotions that poured out of me, the passion, the love as I sang Episode to her. I can only dream of being able to continue to inspire her as much as she inspires me_.

_Tell her!_

She looked up at me. "I'm so glad you're not too hung over. Do you remember, um...things?" She queried, she sounded nervous.

"I remember everything, Bella," I lied.

She looked back to her screen, her face even more crimson. James appeared asking what we'd like from the bar.

"Oh, I'm happy with diet Coke, please James," she croaked.

"I'll have a Coke." I wanted a beer, but Bella suggested no alcohol tonight and even though I knew the beer would relax me somewhat, I wanted her to hear my declaration knowing I was stone cold sober, and I meant every word.

I started to get anxious as I thought about how to say it. I couldn't just blurt out '_I love you'_. _Would that scare her away?_ My hands were twitching to touch her again, and I remembered back to the first night we had sat in the bar; her hand in mine, my thumb gliding over her knuckles, that damn arousing buzzing electrical current that seeped into my core when I felt her skin. Just the memory of touching Bella made my cock spring to life.

I realized James had gone back to the bar and neither one of us had spoken.

"So," I said. _I can't tell her I love her with a raging hard-on. _"Do you think you'll ever let me read your novel?"

She laughed. "Of course, when it's published. I may even dedicate it to you," she smiled, and then her face changed and she backtracked. "I mean, you know because, um, because all your fans would wonder why I did that and they'd want to read it and it would sell millions of copies," she laughed nervously, clearly embarrassed.

I was fucking drunk on happiness.

I saw it in her eyes. _She feels something. I know she does. Alice is right; if she feels the same connection I do then I know that she'll want to be with me._ The knowledge made me relax. I didn't need to rush this. I could compose myself, and then the words would come at exactly the right time.

"So, apart from writing, what else did you do today?" I asked.

Bella smiled widely, and turned her body fully to face me.

"I finished compiling the Australian band play list that I started for you."

"So how many hours did you cut it back to?" I teased.

"Well, it's, um, three CDs worth. That's okay, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I can't wait to listen to them," I looked at her hands. She was wringing them nervously.

"I didn't realize it was getting so late. How about I go and get them? I thought you'd like to listen to them when you go away this weekend."

"That's a great idea, Bella."

"I'll be back in three minutes!"

She jumped from the booth grabbed her purple card and room card out of her bag and hurried excitedly out the door.

_Fuck. Idiot._ I should have suggested we go back to her room together and listen to the music! _Shit, but if I got up now she'd see this massive damn erection._

Bella had made some music CDs for me. _What a cute, affectionate, _normal _thing to do_. No one has ever done that for me before. I couldn't wipe the grin off my face.

James placed our drinks on the table with a half smile.

I took in a deep, calming breath.

_OK, when she gets back I'll tell her my feelings but I've got to do it in a way that shows her I want to be her lover and her friend._ Then I had a vision of Bella from last night, her hair pulled up, exposing her graceful neck, her skin pale and creamy white. I imagined kissing her neck, skimming my nose over her jaw. _Fuck, now I'm even more aroused. Thank god the table's hiding it. Shit_.

I looked at Bella's screen. She hadn't closed the document she was working on - her novel.

I thought about twisting her Mac towards me to read, but then I felt disgusted with myself. _If she wants me to read it, she'll tell me._ Bella trusted me enough to leave it unattended; I didn't want to jeopardize that.

_Fuck, she has changed me_. If it were any other person, I'd be speed-reading without question. I'm the type of guy that used to hunt for Christmas presents hidden around the house as early as October. My mom would always be overly prepared; she never left any shopping until the last minute. _Christmas is four months away. I want Bella to be with me, Christmas morning. Waking up with me in my condo in LA. God yes..._

Bella came back into the bar, flushed and radiant. She held a stack of CD cases and a small white cake box. When she reached the booth she placed them on the table. I watched her, mesmerized as she shuffled her body back into her seat, closer to me than she had been.

"I almost forgot these." she said. "I found this cute little patisserie today, and they had pavlova!"

"Um, do I want to know what that is?"

"It's an Australian dessert. Do you like sweet things?"

"Um, yeah," I said, and I couldn't help but stare at her mouth. _Fucking delectably sweet._

She motioned to James who walked up immediately. "James can I trouble you for two side plates and two forks please?"

"Certainly, Miss…" he smiled, "Bella." He corrected himself.

She beamed at him.

James walked away slowly, and I could feel myself becoming uneasy.

I'd never really noticed before but James was quite good looking in a fit, sporty kind of way. He had a natural tan, he obviously worked out and he had that long bad boy type hair. I could imagine that out of his hotel uniform he would wear casual jeans and a t-shirt. _Would he be Bella's type if he wasn't working in the hotel_?

_Why the fuck am I getting jealous of the bar guy?_ Why, when a guy even looked at Bella, did I feel overwhelmingly protective of her? I'd gone all caveman and possessive last night as well when Laurent had ogled her. Seeing her just smile at the guy engulfed me with insecurity.

_Snap out of it Cullen._

When James returned Bella said 'thank you' and proceeded to serve up the dessert. It was covered in fresh fruit and cream, and when she handed me the plate I gave her a look of mock horror.

"What? You don't like fruit?" She seemed appalled.

"I _love_ fruit," I smiled back, "especially strawberries," my voice got lower, I was thinking of the smell of her hair. _Jesus, could I be any more obvious?_

She laughed and dug her fork into the dessert; the crunching sound intrigued me as it looked soft rather than hard. She smiled and held her fork inches from her mouth.

"It's meringue, it's basically egg white and lots and lots of sugar and cream."

She placed the fork to her lips and closed her eyes as she devoured it. "Mmm, reminds me of Christmas," she sighed.

"Christmas?" _Fuck, can she read my mind or something?_

"Well yeah...you know, in Sydney, Christmas is in the middle of summer. We always had a pavlova for dessert at Christmas!"

Her accent was raw as she spoke, like she was really remembering back, and I wanted to lean across and touch her mouth. She had the smallest smudge of cream on her bottom lip and it was driving me crazy.

I knew if I touched her mouth it wouldn't stop there. I would want to cradle her neck, and I could almost envision myself pulling her onto my lap to feel the weight and heat of her body against me as I mauled her lips.

_Fuck_!

I dug my fork into the dessert and took a large mouthful. _God, it is sweet, but the cream and fruit give it a summery flavor, just like she described._ It was delicious.

The only sounds were our forks clinking on the porcelain as we piled the sweet edible on top. I watched her mouth as she ate. I had to bite my own tongue when she licked her lips. _Fucking hell, I want her lips on me._

We sat, in silence, together. It wasn't awkward; there was no need to chatter for the sake of it. Occasionally she'd look up at me and smile. I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world than right here eating this sweet dessert with her.

_This is the perfect time to tell her._

We finished the dessert and as soon as Bella had placed her fork on her plate and pushed it away, I reached out and took her hand.

She looked down, the shock evident on her face and then he looked up, her eyes wide. I could feel her warmth; I could feel the buzzing static. Her breathing picked up. _She must feel it too._

"Bella, I want to thank you again for arranging last night. It was indescribable. I haven't been on a real stage in two years. The experience was just...well, it meant a lot to me. I can't put into words how amazing it felt, to be on that stage in front of a real audience."

She was smiling. "I knew you would enjoy it."

"How...I mean, what made you want to do that for me?" I couldn't help but ask. I started rubbing my thumb over her knuckles slowly, sensuously.

"Um, well, I thought about how down you were after watching Ben's band play at Richard's. I knew it was because you wished you could be on the stage." She was looking at me, then her blush returned and she lowered her eyes to watch my hand. "And, I wanted to hear you play the guitar," she added softly.

Bella was right; I had been down after watching Ben's band. Part of it was missing the rush of performing live, but most of it was because the realization had hit me that night, that I was attracted to Bella and I wanted more than friendship.

"So, really it was my pleasure," the volume and tone of her voice changed instantly from soft to bright and casual. "I'm so glad you had a great time."

_Don't give her mixed signals;_ Alice's voice reverberated through my head.

"Bella, I need to tell you something." She looked up at me, her cheeks still bright red, her breathing quicker than normal.

The door to the bar opened and I heard loud laughter. Four women walked into the room. They were all in their mid to late thirties, dressed as if they had been out to dinner and maybe a little drunk.

_Shit_.

One spotted me and her face lit up in an excited grin. I reluctantly let go of Bella's hand.

_So much for telling Bella how I feel; there's no way I can do that while these women were staring at me in recognition._

_Fuck_.

I looked away from them, hoping to God that they'd just ignore me.

_No such luck_.

I took a large gulp of my Coke as one of the women stalked towards our booth, smiling provocatively. She was tall with black hair and a red cocktail dress. Her fingers were perfectly manicured and laden with diamond rings.

She glanced at Bella then looked back to me as she asked, "Excuse me? I was wondering if we could get our photo taken with you and maybe an autograph?"

She was polite but in that pushy, predatory way I'd come to know so well from a certain type of female admirer.

I saw Bella smirk and I forced a tight smile.

"Sure," I quickly got out from behind the table and walked over to theirs. They introduced themselves and ogled and pawed me as I stood next to them. They asked James to take about twenty photos.

"Come and join us, we have champagne!" said the blonde one in the skin tight blue dress. "Thanks, but I'm sorry I can't." I gestured towards Bella. "Who's she?" said the brunette rudely. I considered my answer carefully, and I knew I had to lie, saying, "Erm, a journalist. We're actually in the middle of an important interview." I would protect her from the spotlight as long as I could. News travels fast with cell phones and the internet; these women would surely feed the gossip machine if they knew of my desires for Bella. "Yeah? What magazine?" The blonde asked haughtily.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I have no clue, something from Australia. Excuse me, ladies." I then dipped my head to indicate that I should get back to Bella.

There were groans of protest from them as I tried to extricate myself. Of course, each one had to hug me and kiss me on the cheek. The blonde decided to covertly pinch my ass and push her hips into my groin. Thank God my cock had gone back to its flaccid state, mainly on account of being hijacked by these four vapid women. I finally got away and walked back to Bella.

My smile was forced and I was frustrated. The last thing I wanted to do was make my declarations to Bella under the scrutiny of these women.

_If only I could get Bella back to my suite; then I could tell her, touch her, kiss her._

I sat down, planning it in my head.

"That was sweet of you," she regarded me with care in her eyes.

"Sweet?"

"You know, taking photos with them and letting them kiss you." She dropped her gaze to the table and was blushing again.

"It's part of the job, being nice to them," I said briefly. Suddenly I thought of a way to get her back up to my suite; I needed to be alone with her with no possibility of interruption.

"Bella," at hearing her name she raised her eyes to look at me again, "you know I have to go on that trip to LA and New York for four days on Friday morning?"

"Yes," she said.

"Well I have a script that I need to read. I have a meeting with a director for his new film; he just got the green light to go forward on it. He's thinking of casting me as the lead and I'll need to know what the hell I'm talking about before I meet with him. Do you think you could help me run through some lines and give me feedback on some ideas I have about the character?"

"I'd love to Edward, but...maybe tomorrow? We had such a late night last night and my eyes kind of hurt from staring at this screen all evening."

"Actually, that would be perfect. Tomorrow night, then?"

"Sure. That sounds like fun," she smiled and took a sip of her diet Coke.

Her agreement relieved and calmed me. If these women weren't in the bar I could be telling Bella how I feel now, but my resolve was set. I wanted her alone, in my room. No distractions. Absently, I retreated into my thoughts...

_When we are alone I will tell her what she means to me and ask her to consider us being together in a relationship_. _I'd have to spell out what it would mean for us, and what her life would become if she chose to be with me. Maybe I could convince her to come to LA after I finished filming here? Bella could stay with me until I have to go to Europe; meet my parents and Alice and Jasper, stay with me in my condo over Christmas and New Year._ _While there I would touch her, kiss her, and even more exhilarating, I would take her to my bed, explore her body, if she would grant me such euphoria. Dear God, I want her there! I would have to shield her from the media and fans in LA, to maintain her anonymity and privacy._

Bella interrupted me from my reverie, "You look really stressed, Edward. Maybe we should have an early night?" Her face was full of concern.

I _was_ stressed, but I wanted to stay here with her, all night! She started packing away her Mac. _I'll walk her to her room and kiss her goodnight, properly._

Bella shuffled out of the booth, and flung her bag over her shoulder.

"See you tomorrow!"

"Wait, let me walk with you." I stood up; picked up the CDs she had made for me and stood as close to her as was appropriate.

As we started walking towards the door, the excitement from the women was disconcerting.

"Edward, call me! I'm in room fifteen-thirty two!" Flapping her hand at me, the blonde brazenly giggled her invitation.

I laughed half-heartedly.

"Goodnight Edward!" was drunkenly called out by the rest.

"Goodnight, ladies," I said.

Bella and I walked side by side out of the bar and to the elevator. _I could tell her now. No, at her door; I'll tell her and then kiss her._

She pushed the call button; up for me and down for her.

"I'll walk you to your door," I grinned, staring into her eyes.

"You don't need to do that. I think I can find it," she laughed.

Her lips, her skin, her hair, her eyes, her laugh...everything about her completely mesmerized me. "I want to," I said. My voice sounded huskier than normal.

We stood, staring at each other. _Just tell her now._

"Bella, I need to tell you..." the sound of the bar door opening and the drunken laughter from the women stopped me. Simultaneously the elevator dinged and the doors slid open; it was going up.

"Quick Edward, get in or they'll grope you again," Bella smiled. I felt the heat of her hand as she pushed on my chest, and I reluctantly backed into the elevator.

The doors started to close and I saw her bite her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing.

**~~Bella~~**

His face was hilarious as I pushed him into the lift. There was no way I wanted those flirty cougars touching and kissing him again.

I looked over to them. There were only two. "Oh damn, we missed him," one slurred, obviously extremely drunk. They were glamazons, towering over my short frame. They were dressed immaculately; their hair salon perfect, make-up flawless and the jewelry they wore was extremely ostentatious.

They both laughed.

"So did you get all you needed for your interview?" The other questioned me.

"Excuse me?" I queried, unsure what she was talking about.

"Oh, Edward told us you were a journalist and that you were interviewing him. We can give you some quotes to use if you want?"

"Yes," said the other, "you can quote me! I don't care that I'm married, I'd be on _that_ if I could."

The second one chimed in, "He is sex on legs...oooh! Those long, strong le-e-gzzz," she giggled as she slurred out the 'z' and continued, "you can't help but wonder about that third leg and what _it_ can do! With his face and body, he just _has_ to have some serious talent in _that_ area!"

They burst out into hysterical laughter, and I gave them a tight smile even though I felt wretched.

_Edward hadn't told them we were friends; he'd told them I was journalist! Why would he do that?_ _Oh, right. He didn't want them to think we were anything more than professional acquaintances. _He had his photo taken with them and let them hug and kiss him because they were his fans, and it was 'part of the job'. _God, was being nice to me part of his 'job'?_

The lift doors opened and we all stepped inside.

I pushed the button for level eight and they pushed the button for the 15th.

"That is one hot guy, so beautiful, so _tall_."

"And did you smell him? Mmm, divine..."

She looked across the lift at me, her eyes seemed somewhat glassy as she said, "Rosalie Hale is one lucky nineteen year old! Imagine having that every night. Holy fucking hell! If I was her I wouldn't let him out of my sight! Did he talk about her in your interview?"

I shook my head to indicate that 'no' Edward hadn't spoken about Rosalie to me. Arriving at the 15th, they giggled and stumbled as they walked out of the lift.

I closed my eyes. _Maybe I'm no better than those women_. After all, I couldn't help agreeing with them; he was beautiful and sexy, he did smell amazing, and he was fun to talk to; he's very down to earth. If he was mine I _wouldn't_ let him out of my sight. _He is so desirable, in every way_.

I thought about how it felt when he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. My whole body reacted. I could literally feel myself restraining the desire to reach my hands up and around his neck and push my whole body into his. And when he kissed my cheek again...the same place he kissed me last night, the spot burned with a warmth that made my insides turn to goo. I looked down at my hand. He'd held my hand and stared at me as if I was the only female left on the planet, and he'd been swirling his thumb over my knuckles, his intimate touch had made my heart rate skyrocket and my undies damp.

I let myself into my room, went to the bathroom and washed my face, brushed my teeth and got undressed. I put my pajamas on and climbed between the fresh, crisp hotel bed sheets.

_Edward_.

I just can't read him. One minute he's friendly and casual, and the next he is touching me with his beautiful hands, staring at my lips, or saying things that could be taken the wrong way. He said he remembered _everything_ that happened last night.

_He remembers me touching his hair? _

_He remembers asking me if I feel it...what ever he classified as 'it'. _

I thought back to what Sue and Shelley had said last night, that Edward was in love with me, and that I should keep him close. No, those ladies couldn't be right. _Why would he want me, when he could have anyone, including Rosalie Hale? He's just a touchy-feely, emotionally connected type of guy. He's being nice to me because I am a fan, and we are working together._

_I wonder what he was going to tell me?_

Then I thought about tomorrow night. Edward asked me to read through a script with him and wants my feedback on the character!

How amazing will it be to see him transforming himself into someone else by reading lines from a real movie script? _Oh my God, tomorrow night in the bar is going to be mind blowin_g. His creativity is outstanding; his music, his acting, the way he makes me feel. _He just can't be this perfect! And he hadn't smoked last night. He must have stopped? _Being a smoker was the bad habit I wanted to latch onto to stop myself from liking him. But that didn't really matter now. I was a lost cause. I was in love with him. _How in the hell am I going to get through the next three months -_

The ringing of my phone startled me. I jumped up from the bed and dug it out of my bag.

_Edward_?

"Hi, Edward!" I answered a bit nervously, and I was oddly alert. I felt as if he'd caught me in my musings of him.

"Hey, I didn't wake you, did I?" he breathed.

"Um, no, I was just lying in bed, trying to switch my brain off." I sighed and climbed back between the sheets.

"I can't switch off either," he stated.

I couldn't help but envision him lying in his bed, the gold colored comforter over his lean form. _I wonder is he sleeps naked? _

I tried to wipe the delicious image from my mind. "Well you know why that is, don't you?" I asked.

"What? No, well, uh..." he sounded confused.

"It's all the sugar, Edward. It's a miracle we haven't descended into a full-blown diabetic coma from the amount of sugar we consumed," I laughed. "Maybe it was balanced out by the caffeine in the Coke!"

He laughed as well. "Yeah, it's all the sugar that has me wired, that and..." he stopped mid-sentence.

"And?" I queried.

"Um, nothing...we can talk about it tomorrow." His voice sounded odd.

"Yes. I'm looking forward to helping you with the script!"

"Um, yeah, the script." He sighed.

I pulled the sheet up over my shoulder and lay on my side. His voice was making me feel all snug and cozy. "What's the film about?"

"It's a period drama. It's an adaption from a novel. It's being directed by Liam Berty."

"Liam Berty? He directed that vampire movie, didn't he? The one that won like fifty Oscars?" I gushed.

He laughed. "Yes, he did, but the movie won three Oscars, not fifty."

"I recall it won Best Director and one for Best Adapted Screenplay, yes?"

"Yes, and the other was for Best Original Score," he added.

"So, will you have an opportunity to compose something for this new film?"

"I hadn't really thought about it. I doubt it. I mean, I'm not even a sure thing for the lead; I'll just have to wait and see."

"Have you been thinking about your other composition?" I asked him.

"No, I haven't. The junket will be taking up my whole weekend, so maybe when I get back, I can work on it. Oh, and speaking of music; I'm enjoying your compilation." His voice was soft.

"You're listening to it now?" My heart rate spluttered, and I could feel my face burning.

"Yes," he breathed. "I thought it would help me relax."

"It's obviously not working," I observed.

"Well, it's soothing at least."

I tried to stifle it, but he heard my huge yawn.

He sighed. "You should sleep. I'll try as well."

"I'll see you in the bar tomorrow night." I smiled to myself. I couldn't wait.

"Um, yeah...OK. See you tomorrow. Goodnight, Bella. Sweet dreams."

"Goodnight Edward."

**~~Edward~~**

_Fuck! She thinks we're going to read the script in the bar? _Well, I didn't say I wanted her to come to my room. I suppose it would be a bit forward for me to just expect her to be alone with me in my suite. _Oh God._ I lay in bed and imagined Bella lying in bed, somewhere twenty-six levels below me.

_Below me, under me... shit!_

I imagined Bella underneath me, while I slowly and sensuously made love to her, the sensation of her warm soft body. _God imagine the electrical buzz we'd feel if we were touching intimately, skin-to-skin._

I listened to the song that was playing; a song that she had selected for me to hear. I closed my eyes.

_Damn it all! If those women hadn't been in the bar, I could be making out with Bella right now, here in my bed, listening to her playlist, as I touched her and kissed every soft inch of her glorious body._

_Fuck, I can't stand it_. My thoughts brought me to a dire, but sweet, torment; I lowered my hand to palm myself through my cotton boxers. I stroked slowly as I thought of her, sitting in the bar, the smell of her perfume and hair. I had to relieve this tension.

I slipped my hand inside my boxers. I thought about how I caressed her hand as she sat by me in our booth. Then I imagined it was her touching, pushing against my straining erection. I imagined Bella biting her lip as she tentatively slid her warm hand up and down the bulge in my jeans. She would alternate between staring into my eyes and then staring at my hand as I guided her.

And then my imaginary Bella unzipped me and dipped her hand inside to slowly stroke me. I dared myself to imagine Bella slowly lowering her head down to wrap her gorgeous lips around me and take me fully into her mouth.

_Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck!_

"Belllll-lllahhhhh, ugh!" I exploded all over my stomach as I thought of her mouth on me, as she swallowed my essence, body and soul.

My breathing was ragged from the self-induced orgasm as I stumbled into the bathroom to clean myself up.

I was only marginally more relaxed. I couldn't stop thinking about Bella, obsessing about seeing her, getting her alone. _How can I get her to my room without making her feel uncomfortable?_ There was no way I was risking those women accosting me in the bar again.

My mind started trying to come up with options. _We can have pizza in my room, a bottle of wine? Friends did that didn't they? I mean, she had agreed to help me; we'd be reading, and it would be more comfortable in my suite on the leather sofa._

_I know, I'll have the concierge send up Liam Berty's last film; the one Bella mentioned that won the Oscars. Film research. There's no television in the bar!_

_Yes! That would work perfectly. Pizza, wine, a movie, reading a script, telling her that I'm in love with her and kissing her!_

_I fucking can't wait until tomorrow._

~0~

**A/N:** **So, those damn cougars spoiled Edward's plans, but I think it's better that they will be alone, in his room, yes? **

**Thanks go to CandyTwi and LadyZoe for their assistance with this chapter! You both inspire me daily! **

**Come and visit us over at the **_**Episode**_** Twilighted Forum: www (dot) twilighted (dot) net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=44&t=9959**

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	15. Brevis

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

~~Bella~~

I woke up feeling excited about everything that had happened in the last forty-eight hours.

I had managed to get Edward out of this hotel and playing to a real audience without him having to deal with any obsessive fans or having obnoxious paparazzi shoving their cameras in his face. I had seen Edward play the guitar, and witnessed the happiness and contentment that encompassed him when he was on that stage.

I had broken through the writer's block as well, and had more focus and more direction in yesterday's five hour stretch of writing than I'd had since I arrived in Vancouver.

After all that had happened, Edward and I had gone back to sitting together comfortably in the bar. However, _something_ had shifted. I couldn't put my finger on it. It wasn't just my writing, or the fact I knew my feelings of love for Edward were irrefutable. But the way he acted last night. It perplexed me.

He had held my hand, and looked at me with his intent gaze and then he told those flirty women that I was a journalist? It seemed contradictory of him. I assumed he held feelings of friendship for me, at least I hoped he did. He had embraced me, he had kissed my cheek, which was a little on the 'more than friendly' side. And then he'd called me last night, just to chat, as we were trying to sleep. He had been listening to the music I compiled for him.

_Was he feeling the same as me? _

_No, he couldn't have those type of feelings for me...could he? _

Oh God, but I wanted to believe it, to wile my way through the morning thinking that Edward Cullen finds me attractive and wants me, wants to be in a relationship with me.

I wiped the delusional notion from my mind and jumped in the shower.

When I got out I looked at my phone. Edward had tried calling me a couple of minutes ago. I called him back.

"Hey Bella," he answered. _See, he's just friendly._

"Hi Edward, sorry I missed your call; I was in the shower," I stated.

"Oh, um," He sounded weird. "I've been thinking about tonight in the bar, and I, well, I'm worried that those women may turn up again, now that they know I go there."

"Oh, I didn't think of that." I said forlornly. Of course, the sexually assertive cougars would turn up again at the bar and try and hit on him. He'd told them I was journalist but if he was seen with me again they'd know I wasn't.

"I don't really want an audience when I'm working through the script, if you know what I mean, and I thought I should really watch Berty's vampire film to get an idea of his style, you know?"

I got a sinking feeling in my chest. _He doesn't want to be seen with me._ I instantly felt nauseous.

"Oh, OK, maybe we can see each other when you get back? You leave on Friday, right?" _Oh God, I want to see him._ I tried to hide the disappointment I felt, but I'm sure he picked up on it.

_God Bella, stop it!_

"Bella, I still want you to help me, but would it be OK if we read through the script and watched the film in my suite? I think I can get away from here early, so I can order us a pizza for dinner, we can watch the movie while we eat and then we can get cracking on the script. Would that be OK with you?"

_He wants to be alone with me in his room!_

I pictured his suite's large and comfortable leather lounge and plasma television. I could feel the slow burn of my cheeks as I thought about sitting next to him, reading a script, watching a movie and eating pizza with him.

"Um, well, if you're sure, then I'm OK with it." My mouth was instantly dry and my knees felt weak.

"Excellent! I've left an envelope for you with Mike. It has my spare room card in it so you can get up to the 34th floor. Can you come up to my room at, say 8:15?"

_His room card!_ "Um, sure. I'll see you then."

"Thanks Bella, I really, really appreciate it. Got to rush back to the set. See you tonight." The phone disconnected.

I stood like an idiot, staring at my phone. I was going to be alone with Edward in his room.

_Holy Fuck!_

I snapped myself out of my daze and headed down to the foyer. I wanted to get out of the hotel. I wanted to go back to the little patisserie to buy some yummy dessert. I tried not to think about it, but my mind wandered back to Monday night, Edward's warm hands on my waist and the feel of his hair through my fingers.

_Edward_.

When I returned to the hotel after lunch, I walked via up to the concierge desk. Mike was grinning at me as I approached then he handed me an envelope.

"Good afternoon, Bella. Mr. Paul left this for you."

"Thanks Mike." I took the envelope. "Do you ever get a day off? It's like you're always here!"

He laughed. "Yes, I do, but I love my job, and I'm saving up so I can go on vacation somewhere. In fact, I was thinking I'd like to go to Australia."

"You'd love it there, really. If you want any info about Sydney, I'm your girl. You can ask me anything. OK?"

"I think I'll take you up on that."

"Um, Mike, can I ask, are there some power outlets up by the pool? It's such a lovely day, I thought I'd like to write outdoors."

"By the tables with the umbrellas there are a few. I'll call up and ask the Recreation Manager to assist you."

I smiled at him. _God, I'm so spoiled in this hotel. How am I ever going to be able to go back to real life, when I have to cook, clean, make my own bed, fend for myself_. I sighed.

"Thanks, Mike."

I spent the rest of the day by the pool with my laptop out, in a focused writing heaven. I couldn't stop myself from smiling like an idiot. My writing was flowing freely, the weather was deliciously warm and invigorating, and I was to spend the evening with Edward, reading a script, asking me for feedback and watching a movie with him.

_We'll be alone together. _

Then my phone rang. Angela!

"Hi Angela!"

"Bella! So glad I caught you. Are you doing anything tonight? A bunch of my girlfriends and I are going to the movies, I'd really love you to come."

_Damn, why tonight? Should I tell her I'm meeting Edward?_

"Angela, I can't tonight. Maybe next time?" I screwed up my face, desperately hoping she wouldn't ask me why I couldn't go.

"Oh," she sounded disappointed. "Does it have anything to do with Edward?" she asked, I could tell she was curious. Angela was a good friend to Edward, and apart from her wishful thinking and her belief that I was 'Edward's type' I wanted to tell her, but I knew if she picked up on my excitement, she might just get the wrong idea.

"Oh...well...yes, in fact." I tried to sound calm and casual. "He's asked me to help him with a script that he needs to analyze before he meets with a director on the weekend. He said it was an adaption from a book, so he was interested in my input. I think it's a role he's really interested in."

There was a pause.

"Oh, so you'll _just_ be reading a script with him?" she prompted.

"Yes, and watching a movie by the same director—you know, so Edward can get a feel for his directing style." _Oh God, she can see straight through me._

"Well, that sounds like _fun_ Bella. My friends are all dying to meet you. Hopefully you'll be free for next time?" I could hear Angela's smile and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Sure Angela, but can we catch up before then? Lunch early next week? I'm going on my first trip out of the city on Thursday week."

"Where are you going?"

"Great Lakes Cabin! I'm leaving on Thursday morning and coming back the following Tuesday. I can't wait!"

"That sounds wonderful. I wish Ben and I could get away for a long weekend, but he has some more gigs coming up soon, and well, I want to save all my vacation time for Thanksgiving."

"Are you going home to Forks?" I queried.

"Yes! Are you spending Thanksgiving with your dad?"

"Yes! We'll be in Forks at the same time!"

"Bella, you have to come with us, OK? Ben will drive us down and it's a beautiful trip. You'll just love it!"

"That would be so fantastic! OK, maybe we can discuss all the details when we have lunch? Monday or Tuesday work for you?"

"Yes, Tuesday would be perfect. Midday? Meet me outside the bank, we'll go somewhere close by?"

"I'm looking forward to it, Angela."

"Yeah, so am I!" She laughed.

~~Edward~~

_**I'm leaving the set now. What pizza do you like? Love, E. x**_

I waited impatiently for Bella's reply. I needed at least thirty minutes to arrange everything before she got to my room. I was nervous as all hell.

_**I'll eat any pizza as long as no anchovies! Don't forget the diet coke! See you soon! love, B. x**_

I smiled. I was so fucking excited about seeing her that I rushed passed the fans and the paps to get as quickly as possible to the concierge desk.

"Hello, Mike! Did you manage to get a copy of the DVD I needed?"

"Certainly did, Mr. Paul." Mike handed me the DVD case. I slipped him a tip and rushed to the elevator. I tried calming myself with slow breaths but it really wasn't working.

I burst into my room and ran to the phone to call room service. I gave them specific instructions; I wanted a calzone and a family sized capricciosa. I also wanted diet coke and regular coke and some popcorn. I wanted it delivered at exactly 8:05pm.

I ran to the shower and tried to calm myself. The image of a cigarette flashed into my mind, but this was not the time to give in. That night I'd met with Bella to discuss the song, she had been very clear on her disgust of cigarettes. I hadn't had a cigarette since that night. I was proud of myself. The first few days were the hardest, but only when I was on set. When I was in the bar with Bella, I didn't think about them once. Bella was my new addiction. If I wasn't with her, I was thinking about her, and how it would be to kiss her warm sensual mouth. I wanted to be able to taste Bella on my lips when I eventually kissed her, and for her to taste _me_, not tar and nicotine.

Remembering the night when she sipped the wine, leaving the faint trail of lipstick on the glass, gave me an instant hard on. Thoroughly inappropriate I know, but god, she was simply gorgeous and as I was in the shower thinking about all of this, the hard on was back. I was frustrated that I was so aroused and I only had ten minutes before the pizza arrived and twenty minutes until Bella was due.

So...jerking off in the shower was a necessity. I wouldn't have the concealment of the bar table tonight like I had last night. Tonight, it would be Bella and I on the sofa and there would be no hiding the effect she had on me.

I quickly towel dried my hair, sprayed on deodorant, splashed on cologne and threw on a plain black t-shirt and my comfortable black jeans. I was shoeless and my hair was a damp mess when I heard the knock on the door. 8:04pm - pizza.

Once the pizza was on the table, I grabbed two glasses and two plates from the kitchenette. I plugged my Mac into the speakers and selected Bella's playlist. I wanted everything to be perfect for our second date. _Hang on; this isn't really a date though is it? I mean I didn't really ask her on a date, I asked her to help me with the script. I'm getting her here under false pretenses. _

I thought back to Monday night when she had asked me if I wanted to go out of the hotel with her. She had asked me. I could have said no…

I was going to break my rule for her. I had no idea how she would react when I communicated, in no uncertain terms, that I wanted to be in a relationship with her. I was getting myself worked up again.

My mind was a mess of emotions. _Should I tell her about Alice's dream or her premonitions? No, that is way too much information. I should just tell her that I am in love with her. God, what if that freaks her out?_ The doubt was creeping back.

_Fuck! She's going to be here any minute and I'm fucking losing it._

I took one look around the room and then looked at the time on my iPhone. Then I turned it off. I didn't want Alice calling me; I just knew she'd be getting flashes of my erratic emotions right now. I placed my phone on the table then walked into the bedroom. I looked at the bed and tried _not_ to imagine Bella lying on it, but the vision was there, along with the desire to have her there.

_Even if she loves me too, it would be presumptuous to think she'd let me touch her straight away, wouldn't it? _

I heard the timid knock and rushed to the door.

_Bella__!_

I opened it with too much force. She stepped backwards. Then her face lit up, smiling. She was casually dressed, wearing shorts, a blue tank top and canvas shoes. She was holding one of those white cake boxes and her bag hung loosely on her shoulder.

"Hi! Right on time Bella, pizza just arrived." I couldn't stop smiling. She looked beautiful.

"Hi."

She walked by me; her delectable floral scent was fresh and strong. _Did she just shower too?_ She placed my room card on the side table in the foyer, unhooking her bag from her shoulder and placing it on the floor.

"I couldn't resist. I had to go back to that cute patisserie and buy some dessert." She handed me the box, as the door clicked closed.

We stood facing each other, the box between us, both of us clutching it.

"What's inside?" I raised my eyebrow, staring at her mouth. _God_ _I want to kiss her._

"Um, I bought lamingtons. I'm sure someone there must be Australian, but the sixteen year old who sold this to me says she's never actually met the pastry chef!" She laughed, and pushed the box towards me further, letting it go.

"OK, what's a lamington?"

"It's a cake, covered in chocolate then rolled in coconut." she grinned at me and started walking into my suite's living area. She looked at the pizza and the diet coke on the table and smiled.

"It smells delicious, and I'm so hungry."

"Do I need to refrigerate these?" I questioned.

"No, they'll be good at room temperature," she smiled as she walked to stand next to me.

She grabbed a plate and opened both of the pizza boxes, piled two slices on each plate and sat down at the table.

She chewed and swallowed as I sat next to her. I couldn't help watching as she picked an olive off her pizza. "So," she smiled, popping the olive into her mouth. "Can I see the script?"

I stared at her, mesmerized.

"You do have a copy of it here?" she asked.

I was so preoccupied with working out what I was going to say to her that I'd forgotten to print it out.

"Um, sure, but it's on my laptop. I was told not to print it, um, just in case it got leaked on the internet." Well that was true; I didn't need to tell her that I forgot, because all I could think about all day was making out with her.

"I got the film though," I said quickly. "Shall I put it on now? We can sit on the sofa and watch while we eat." I got up, grabbed the DVD case, and proceeded to set it up to play.

Bella walked over to the kitchen bench and poured a diet Coke for herself and a Coke for me. She placed our drinks on the coffee table and went back to bring our plates. I felt that zapping shiver run down my spine when she walked behind me.

"It's really cold in here. Do you have a balcony? Can we open the doors?"

I turned to see Bella heading for the thick drapes that covered the balcony doors.

"The view must be amazing from way up here," she said.

She stood on her toes to reach up to pull the drapes back, flashing me the most arousing glimpse of her perfect milky white thighs, her shapely calves and perfect round butt.

"No, don't!" I barked unthinkingly.

I watched in horror as she jumped from my loud command, clutching her chest as she spun to face me, her cheeks blushing delicious crimson.

I'd startled her.

"I'm sorry, it's in case photographers have their telephoto lenses aimed at the windows. I never open the drapes in case they can see straight in here."

I watched Bella shiver and catch her breath. She dropped her head, the curtain of her silky hair falling forward.

_Fuck, great job Cullen, yell at her and freak her out right before you're about to declare your undying love._

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I just…" I stepped towards her, staring as she looked up at me. I could see goose bumps on her arms and, holy fucking hell, I could see she _was_ cold, her nipples were erect and very well defined under the soft cotton of her top.

_She has no fucking idea how exquisite she is._

"I can adjust the climate control. I'm sorry it's so cool in here, I've just been sweating all day, I wanted it to be comfortable."

I quickly walked over to the climate control dial on the wall leading into the foyer.

_Fuck Cullen, get a grip. This is not what you planned._

I turned to see her sitting on the sofa, her knees on the seat, her plate in her lap and the pizza in her mouth. I took a deep breath and went to sit next to her.

I mirrored her posture, my knees up, plate on my lap. "I'm sorry, it should get warmer in here soon."

"That's OK," she said softly.

I watched as she bent over to pick up her glass and take a very small sip. She smiled.

"You're playing the CD's I made?" She looked directly in my eyes.

"Yes. I'm really enjoying them. There's one song in particular that I really like. I can't remember the name."

She blushed again. _I have to tell her now._

"Bella, I wanted to tell you something last night, but we were kind of interrupted."

"Yes, your friendly fans." She smirked at me and took another bite of her pizza. "What did you want to tell me?"

"Um, well, you know that we'll probably finish filming in late October or early November?"

She nodded and took another sip of her drink. She was staring at her plate, not looking at me.

"Well, I think that maybe in between finishing up here and starting my next movie in Europe in January, I'll have time to record _Episode_ in LA. Hopefully for the soundtrack."

She placed her plate and glass on the table. "Of course they'll take the song. I'm sorry, I probably wasn't that...you know, convinced about it before, but hearing you perform it at Laurent's really blew my mind, Edward. It's such an amazing song, and your voice, is, just...really powerful." She blushed again. "It really is a beautiful song."

I smiled and placed my plate next to hers on the table. _I have to touch her_. I shuffled forward, my knees pressing into hers. I took her hand; it was cold from holding her drink. She shivered.

"You're still cold? I'll get you something warm to wear." I stood up instantly.

"No, you don't have to do that!"

"It's no problem, Bella; you can have one of my hoodies until the temperature warms up in here. I'll be right back."

I walked to my room and fished out my favorite black hoodie. I quickly sniffed it; it was clean. I rushed into the living area. Bella had her arms wrapped around her knees.

"Put this on." I grinned at her and she smiled back as I watched her slip her arms in the sleeves and snuggle into it. I sat next to her again, close, and pulled her hand from around her knee to hold it. Bella stared at my hand.

Seeing her in my clothing was almost too much. Her hair was still caught underneath the hoodie and I wanted to reach over and run my hands around her neck, to pull her hair free. But I stopped myself.

"You were saying, about recording the song?"

"Um, yeah, well, I know the copyright is all underway, so that's definitely going to happen soon. Even though I have no idea when the song will be locked in for the soundtrack, it's probably not going to be for a few months, you know, but I can't wait until I do get a chance to lay it down. I got some amazing advice from the musicians I met at Laurent's, in fact I may even invite a few of them to come to LA to help with recording it."

Bella was smiling at me. I had unconsciously started swirling my thumb over her knuckles, and the skin-to-skin contact was electrifying me.

_This is it Cullen, stop rambling and just lay it all out there, tell her how you feel._

"Sorry, I'm getting off track here. What I meant to tell you is that I'm excited about finishing up with the filming and, Bella, you know that I really don't want the friendship we've established to change, at all. I trust you implicitly. You've seen what my life is about, even so, I hope you'll understand when I say – well, what I really hope is…"

There was a knock at the door.

Bella looked towards the foyer.

I heard the knock on the door more forcefully. _Fuck, not now!_

"It's probably the turndown service. I'll just tell them I don't need it." I squeezed her hand and reluctantly let go, my mind a mess of emotions and desperation.

I opened the door. Rosalie scowled at me then pushed passed me and into the foyer.

"Your phone is off and I need to talk to you." She said.

"Rosalie, not now, this is the worst possible time. We can talk tomorrow."

There was no way I wanted to deal with Rosalie right now. I knew why she was here and fielding her outlandish demands was the last thing I wanted to be doing.

"That's what you said yesterday, and the day before. I'm not leaving until you agree to help me."

"I told you Rosalie, I am not firing Emmett, and technically he is on contract as my personal body guard until we finish filming."

I held the door open for her. "Now, if you don't mind." I said tersely.

She balked then turned and walked straight into the living area of the suite.

_Fuck_!

~0~

**A/N: Sorry! I promise Chapter 16 will be posted asap.**

_**Episode**_** has been nominated for a TwiTastic Award. Thank you everyone!**

_**Episode**_** has also been nominated for three Shimmer Awards and voting is open! ****http (:) /shimmerawards (dot) webs (dot) com/vote (dot) htm**

**I also submitted and entry to the Alternate-Shippers Challenge. Those that have me on author alert may have already read it, for those that haven't it is an **_**Episode**_** flashback chapter and it recounts Bella and Riley's rather steamy first date. **

_**Ellipsis**_** -****www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/6088589/1/Ellipsis**

**It works as a standalone one-shot for the comp, but will give **_**Episode**_** readers some valued insight into why, after three years, Bella is still somewhat fixated on Riley. Check out the forum link for some cute pics of Riley, from Bella's photo collection: **

_www (dot) twilighted (dot) net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=44&t=9959_

**I encourage you to go read all the stories in the challenge. I must say there are some very creative non-canon couplings! And don't forget to vote!**

**www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/2333273/Alternate_Shippers_Challeng****e**

**My humble thanks go to CandyTwi and LadyZoe. Really gals, words cannot describe my gratitude!**

**As always I love reading your reviews! Luv BBxx**


	16. Demisemiquaver

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

~~Bella~~

I could hear Edward talking, and I could hear a distinctly female voice. I couldn't help but smile. _Maybe even the housekeeping maid is asking him for an autograph or something._ _God, does he even know the effect he has on women?_

I wanted my heart rate to slow. The way Edward touched me felt so calming, yet I was nervous at the same time. I sensed that he was anxious about telling me whatever was on his mind. An anxious Edward was a bit disconcerting; he was usually so in control, calm, but his intense glare and his captivating touch was making me feel particularly panicky and overheated.

_I need to get the hell off this sofa and calm the fuck down._

I slowly peeled off Edward's soft black hoodie. I pressed it to my face. _He must have had it cleaned by the laundry service in the hotel. It doesn't smell like him. _I placed it on the back of the dining chair. I was more than warmed up after Edward's hand had caressed mine.

I walked into the little kitchenette and took two white china plates from the shelf. The lamingtons would go perfectly with some tea later. _Yes, calming tea is what I need, and a mug to hold with two hands so he can't hold mine. I can't concentrate when he's touching me._

_Did Edward drink tea? _There's so much I don't know about him. _Maybe he'd prefer a hot chocolate? I wish I had some delicious Aussie_ _Milo._

Then I heard Edward's voice. He sounded tense. I had just placed the second lamington on the plate and looked up, when Rosalie Hale breezed into the living room.

She was radiant. She was wearing figure-hugging designer jeans, a tight-fitting sweater in a beautiful pale grey. It hugged her curves, brightened her aqua eyes while her hair, styled in loose, soft waves, looked like a halo under the bright halogen lighting.

"You can't make me wait until we stop filming in November!" She whined in a sad and desperate voice. "You just can't! That's too long, it's not fair. I can't stand it anymore! You're denying me something that I _have_ to-" She stopped mid-sentence when she turned her head and saw me, gaping at her like a complete moron. I was stunned by her presence; in close proximity her beauty was breathtaking. Her words slowly sank into my consciousness. Edward followed close behind her, a pained look on his face. He was mortified, embarrassed, _guilty_?

"Oh. My. God!" Rosalie stopped dead in her tracks and stared at me, her radiant face turned dark and incredulous. "Is _this _why you turned your phone off?" She gestured towards me, spitting her words out in disgust. She turned her body fully to face Edward, and in a highly dramatic and accusing tone, she ranted at him in LA Valley girl screech.

"That's just like, _fabulous _Edward. _Entertaining _one of your fan girls, are you? How come it's always what _you _want? What about _me_? How _could _you! How could you be so...so -"

"This isn't what it looks like," Edward cut her off. I looked across at him. He didn't notice, his attention was fully on Rosalie. He was looking at her, _explaining_?

And then the cloud descended. The truth was staring me right in the face. I looked at them, standing close together, both inhumanly beautiful, breathtaking and perfect. Edward and Rosalie; the ultimate glamour couple.

_They are together._

How in the fuck could I have been so mind numbingly stupid! Edward stepped even closer to Rosalie, his hair a disheveled mess, panicked. _He is freaking the fuck out._

_Why didn't he want me to know? Why? Of course, this is what he was trying to tell me earlier. He_'_d said he trusted me, trusted me not to let anyone else know?_

_His words, his casual intimate touches: that was him just being nice to me. All the while, they _have _been together, trying to keep their relationship a secret to ensure they had some sort of privacy._

From the pit of my stomach, the bile threatened to rise. _I'm so fucking stupid. Edward Cullen will NEVER want me! Stupid, pathetic idiot!_

I took a deep breath and with all my heart and all the will power I could ever hope to muster I looked into Edward's eyes and ignored the guilt I saw there. Was that anger I saw as well? Was he angry that Rosalie would even suggest that he was 'entertaining' me—one of his sad-ass fans?

_Dignity, Bella; save him from this wretched misunderstanding. NOW!_

"Hello," my voice sounded eerily calm. "It's nice to meet you, Rosalie. I'm Bella Swan, I...um, I wrote some lyrics for the song Edward wants on the soundtrack to your new movie." I stepped from behind the counter and held my hand out to shake hers. Rosalie ignored the gesture and scowled at me rudely. _Could I blame her?_

"I was just leaving." I said immediately. I put my head down and stalked passed her statuesque form and into the foyer.

"Bella! Don't leave." Edward gasped as he rushed to grab my arm.

_Oh god_. The static buzzing of his touch radiated throughout my body, stinging me, yet warming me. I closed my eyes, desperate to remember this feeling; the pleasure from his skin on mine, for the last time.

"Bella, please don't go, I need to talk to you." He sounded apologetic, distraught.

_Hold it together for two minutes Bella, just two measly short minutes._

I slowly turned to him. I looked up into his eyes. Beautiful. Untouchable. He belongs to someone else.

I held his forearms, savoring the feeling of the buzz between us, the light dusting of hair under my fingertips, then I slowly glided my hands up his arms and around his neck. I leaned into his chest. His arms tentatively wrapped around my lower back. I couldn't help but breathe in his delectable cologne.

Pure selfishness, stupidity or shock, I have no idea. My body, not my brain, dictated that I had to touch him, one last time, feel his hard body against me, just once. That's all I could ever hope to have; a hug, to cherish, before I would completely shatter.

_I will cherish this moment in my memories. Forever._

~~Edward~~

"I'm very happy for you." Bella's voice was low and sensual, her breath warm on my neck. My mind was swimming with desire and love.

Then she pulled away from me. She looked genuinely happy, her eyes glistening, wide, bright, and I couldn't help but smile back at her, in a fucking daze, because—even though I had been so riled up with rage at Rose's rudeness—Bella's touch, her warm hands on my arms and then around my neck, had instantly calmed me. I was blissfully serene.

_I'm in love with you Bella._

She turned and slowly picked up her bag, opened the door, and was suddenly walking down the hall as I stood there in the doorway, staring after her in a euphoric haze. Her floral perfume permeated my mind. I felt the lingering warmth from her body against mine. I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I watched her as she turned to step into the elevator, and I saw her profile briefly. I didn't imagine it; the most devastating look of anguish covered her face.

_What the fuck?_

It was like someone had slammed my body into a marble floor.

S_he's happy for me?_

All of my previous words came flooding back:_ I couldn't wait for filming to end, I need to tell her something, I didn't want our friendship to change_…

_No, Bella!_

_She thinks I'm with Rosalie!_

_FUCK NO!_

I clawed my fingers through my hair. My rage returned and increased tenfold.

I stormed back into the suite's living area. Rosalie was leaning against the kitchen counter, eating the dessert that Bella had bought for us.

I wanted to fucking murder her.

I took a few deep breaths and tried to sound in control, whilst inside I was seething. _Just get rid of her, then go and find Bella, explain everything._

"Rose, I'd like you to leave, _now_!"

"_So-rry _I cock-blocked you, but really? Fucking your fans? It's _so _beneath you."

Rosalie was absolutely clueless and obviously didn't give a fuck about what she just ruined for me. My hands were clenched into fists, shaking in fury at my sides, then I raised my right hand to point to the door. "I'm not gonna listen to your bullshit, Rose! You have no fucking idea what you're saying! Leave _now,_ before I completely lose it!" I barked.

She looked up at me, shocked.

"Don't you speak to me that way, Edward Cullen!" she screeched. "You will not keep blowing me off...I WANT EMMETT MCCARTY, AND I WANT HIM NOW!" Her face turned red and she slammed the plate with overwhelming force against the edge of the kitchen counter, shattering the porcelain into jagged shards, the pieces and Bella's dessert crashing to the floor at her feet.

She stepped forcefully over to me, her shoes crunching in the debris. "I _always _get what I want Edward, and not you or anyone else will stop me. He _will _be mine; you can bet your _career _on it!" She was practically spitting in my face as she turned around and stomped out.

I stood in shocked silence; my head spinning. My life had just gone from the ultimate high–sitting intimately close to Bella, our knees touching, holding her soft warm hand, about to tell her that I was in love with her–to complete an utter devastation at Bella's misinterpretation of my 'relationship' with Rose.

I rushed over to the table and switched on my phone. Rosalie had tried calling me twice and left me three rude text messages. Alice had left one message just a minute ago.

I called Bella's number. _I have to tell her that she misunderstood_. Her phone started ringing; my mind scrambled to think of the words to tell her that I was in love with her.

_Fuck, I can't tell her over the phone! No, when she answers I'll tell her to go straight to the bar and I'll meet her there. I don't care who's in the bar, I need Bella to know that I couldn't give a flying fuck about Rosalie Hale. Bella Swan owned my heart._

She didn't answer. I ended the call and immediately tried again. _Maybe it's on vibrate and in the bottom of her bag. Why doesn't she have voice-mail?_

_FUCK_! _I can't even go to her room, because I don't know her room number. _I'd never bothered to ask her, I only knew it was on the eighth floor!

I hastily rushed into my bedroom and shoved my feet into my shoes, grabbed my wallet and ran out of my suite to go down to the concierge desk.

_Thank fuck it's Mike._

"Mike, I need to speak to Bella urgently, and she's not answering her phone, can you tell me her room number?" I wasn't going to hide my desperation and I was going to be pretty fucking demanding if he refused to tell me.

"Mr. Paul, Miss Swan left the hotel less than five minutes ago, on foot," he sounded genuine, and he looked concerned.

"Did she...tell you where she was going?"

"No, I was on a call; she waved and nodded to me as she left. Is there something wrong?"

_Wrong? Everything the fuck_'_s wrong!_

"We, I...there was a misunderstanding and I need to rectify it, immediately." I looked outside. I could see a group of fans, lingering beyond the glass doors; they were smiling and waving at me. _Fuck, I can't even leave the hotel to go after her._

"Can I leave her a note; would you give it to her as soon as she returns? Can you call me as soon as she comes back through that door?" I was beseeching him. He looked perplexed and then he nodded his head.

"Certainly," he pulled out some hotel stationery and an envelope from behind his desk. "Just leave the note here for me, I'll ensure she receives it."

He dipped his head at me and stalked over to reception.

_What the fuck do I write?_

I stood there in an idiotic stupor. _How can I write in words to tell her_ _how I feel about her? How can I ensure she calls me when she gets the note? How can I convince her that Rosalie and I are not together?_

_**Bella,**_

_**I need talk to you. Can you please, please**_ _**call my cell or my room as soon as you get this note? I don't care how late it is. I really need to talk to you, I'll be going out of my mind until I do.**_

_**Love, Edward.**_

_Fuck! I've totally fucked this up_.

I folded the note and sealed it in the envelope. My hand was shaking uncontrollably as I wrote her name on the front. I stepped away from the counter and grasped my hair in frustration; I felt like a caged lion. I was frantic and worried. I needed to do something..._anything_, and I was trapped in this damned hotel!

My phone vibrated. _Alice_!

"Alice, Thank God! I fucked up! She's walked out of the hotel; she thinks that I'm with Rosalie. I don't know what the fuck to do." I was pacing in front of the concierge desk, gripping the envelope.

"Edward, calm down and listen to me. Are you alone?"Alice questioned.

I stopped walking and looked around. Several sets of eyes were on me and the group of fans outside had multiplied.

"No, I'm in the lobby of the hotel. I can't even walk outside to try and find her, Alice. I fucking can't deal with this shit, I can't - "

"Edward! Go up to you room, NOW!"

~~Bella~~

I stood in the lift in a daze. My chest hurt, my limbs ached. I was so angry with myself for ever thinking that Edward would want to be with me.

The doors slid open with a ding on level eight. I stood there, unable to walk, unable to physically propel my body forward into the hall.

The doors closed and I felt the lift descend.

_Edward is with Rosalie._

It was so obvious to me now that he had been keeping it a secret so the media wouldn't find out. I thought of Rosalie's words. He was _making _her wait until after filming. _Of course, once he finishes officially working with her on the film they could be together publicly._

Did she, _is _she breaking up with him right now, because she thought he was _entertaining _me...surely he would have told her about the song?

_Of course she's not breaking up with him!_

The door slid open and a middle-aged businessman stood waiting for me to step out of the lift. I was walking through the lobby before I knew what I was doing.

I looked up to briefly lock eyes with Mike. He smiled at me, I nodded and gave a half-hearted wave and kept walking out the glass doors.

The heat hit me like slap in the face. There were a few fans milling around, trying to blend in, but I just knew they were waiting to get a glimpse of Edward.

I kept walking slowly down Burrard Street. I didn't know what to do.

_How could I ever face him again? How could I look him the eye and be happy for him when inside I was dying?_

He was hiding their relationship from the media, I kind of understood that part, but he was hiding his relationship from Angela and Ben as well! Angela was so confident that Edward would never want Rosalie. _Why would he want to hide it from his friends?_

I stood stock still. I felt lightheaded. I bent forward, bracing my hands on my knees, sucking in deep breaths. The tears started dripping from my eyes and splashing on the concrete. I stood up, desperate to allow the air to reach my lungs, the tears now rolling down my face, stinging the dry burn on my skin from my blushed cheeks.

_Edward is hiding Rosalie, just like Riley hid me._

_He's no better than Riley._

_I can't deal with any of this. I can't handle it. I will never be able to handle it_. I couldn't let myself think about Riley. I couldn't comprehend any of it.

I kept walking aimlessly. I didn't want to go back to the hotel. I couldn't go to see Angela, she was out with her friends and she would definitely ask me what was wrong.

I didn't know anyone else in Vancouver that I could talk to, I couldn't tell anyone back home. I felt so horribly alone.

Edward wants Rosalie, he wants the lyrics, and I want my 'friend' to be happy.

_I'll just email Irina in the morning and tell her to have the copyright signed over to Edward outright. _I didn't want him to feel obligated to stay in contact with me. If he had full ownership of the lyrics, that would be that. He'd finish filming, record the song, and have it selected for the soundtrack, of that I had no doubt. He could be with Rosalie publicly and I would finish my novel and go back to Sydney. This whole experience would just be a distant memory in a few years.

My tears came hard and fast as I wiped at my nose with my hand.

_I can't see him anymore. I won't go back to the purple bar. He can go on with his life as if I never existed._

~~Edward~~

I walked back into my suite and into the living area. The shocking remains of Rosalie's outburst lay strewn on the floor.

_God, how in the hell could I have fucked this up so badly? I should have told Bella straight away, just blurted it out, damn the consequences. Now she's god knows where, thinking that I'm with Rosalie!_

I looked at the dining table, the rest of the pizza sat there, cold, uninviting; the DVD menu still displayed on the flat screen, ready for me to hit play. I looked at the jagged shards of the broken plate and the squished chocolate and coconut mess that had been Bella's dessert for us; her special Australian dessert and I couldn't even remember the name of it.

I fished my phone out of my pocket. I promised I'd call Alice back as soon as I was alone in my suite, but I needed to try Bella again first. I called her number; it rang unanswered.

Then I saw my hoodie that Bella had worn briefly, draped over the back of the chair. _Oh god, the faint hint of her perfume._

I inhaled deeply. _Bella_.

_I need to find her. _My phone vibrated.

"Alice, you have to help me. I can't comprehend what's going through her mind. I can only imagine how she interpreted my words before Rosalie barged in and started insinuating that Bella was just a fan I'd picked up, blatantly perpetuating the man-whore status that follows me around!"

"Edward. Please, you need to give Bella some time; she's probably confused and unsure of what's going on because you haven't told her that you love her yet. She's trying to deal with her feelings for you, and on top of all that, she's out of her comfort zone already because she's away from home and well, god Edward, you can be pretty intense and overwhelming."

"But Alice, I..."

"No Edward, put yourself in Bella's shoes. You've told her you don't get involved with people you work with, then Rosalie-gorgeous-Hale appears in your room. _Any _girl would feel threatened and insecure when Rosalie is around. If Bella believes that you lied to her and you are sleeping with Rosalie, her self-esteem is probably in the gutter."

My stomached clenched. _Oh god, if Bella thinks Rose and I are in a sexual relationship, then how in the hell would she have interpreted my practically groping her in my drunken state two nights ago?"_

"What do I do? I have to fix this. I need to be with her, I feel wretched when I'm not near her and not knowing where she could be is killing me."

"OK, stop right now Edward. I don't want you turning into some freaky ass stalker. You need to focus on what you want to tell her when _she's _ready to see _you_. Her feelings won't change for you, regardless of the misunderstanding."

Alice was right. But the thought of Bella believing that I was with Rosalie even overnight was simply unacceptable to me. "I just, I see Bella in my life, and I want it to happen straight away."

"I know," she sighed.

"I need to talk to her as soon as she's back." I stated. "I leave for LA on Friday. I _have_ to speak to her before I go. I won't be able to cope with her thinking I'm away with Rosalie for four days and that we're, god, you know."

Alice laughed. "Yeah, I can imagine why that would give you the creeps. Why was Rosalie visiting you in your room anyway?"

"She has some twisted delusion that if I fire Emmett, she can hire him. He must be her latest fixation; she wants him in her bed and what Rosalie wants, Rosalie gets...usually."

"Talk about putting yourself in the firing line," she sighed. "Don't panic. You know the saying, love _will _find a way."

I smiled. _Alice is a hopeless romantic._

"Thank you. I'm sure she'll call me as soon as she gets my note."

"Even if she doesn't, stay focused and give her some time to process it all. I'm sure once she has, she'll contact you. Be patient, OK?"

"OK," I sighed. Alice did have the uncanny ability to calm me.

"I'll let you go, in case Bella is trying to call you."

"Alright," I said, "Goodnight, Alice."

"Goodnight, Edward. I love you."

"I love you too."

I tried Bella's number as soon as I disconnected from Alice. It went unanswered again. _Well at least her phone is on._

I crouched on the floor and started cleaning up the mess. The task was menial and calmed my mind, but I couldn't focus on anything else. Images of Bella's anguished face as she stepped into the elevator kept me anxious.

I called down to Mike when I had finished cleaning, to see if Bella had returned. She hadn't. _Where is she? What is she thinking and what would she think when she read my note?_

~~Bella~~

I slowly walked back to the hotel. I had no idea how long I'd been wandering around. As I neared the entrance there were even more of Edward's fans gathered. They were giggling and chatting on their phones, texting or tweeting. I couldn't help but overhear some of their conversations.

"Oh my God, can you believe he was, like, standing right there. He looked so amazing!"

"Did you see his jeans! There should be a fucking shrine erected to those jeans," they giggled.

I kept walking, my feet hurt. I looked at the large antique clock that hung above the lounges in the foyer. It was only just after nine. I walked straight to the lift.

"Miss Swan, Bella!" I heard Mike's familiar voice as he walked up to me.

"Hi Mike." I smiled. _God, I hope my eyes weren't red from crying._

He looked concerned. "I have a note for you, it's from...Mr. Paul." he handed it to me. "He asked me to also call him as soon as you came back to the hotel."

I looked at the envelope and then ripped it open. Mike stepped back and averted his gaze as I read.

_**Bella,**_

_**I need talk to you. Can you please, please call my cell or my room as soon as you get this note? I don't care how late it is. I really need to talk to you, I'll be going out of my mind until I do.**_

_**Love Edward.**_

I folded the note and put it back in the envelope.

"Thanks Mike, um, I'd rather you not tell him I've come back. I think I'll just call him when I get up to my room. Thank you."

When I got to my room, I pulled the note out again.

I tried to think of why he would need to speak to me so urgently. Maybe he thought I'd tell someone? Was he scared I'd tell Angela? I remembered how he'd instantly called my mobile in a panic when I'd texted him telling him I was going to have a girly night with Angela; that was the same day he was meeting with the director about the song. Of course he wouldn't want Angela to know.

He had told me he trusted me, but he obviously didn't.

I felt faint again. The similarity to what I'd experienced with Riley was making images of him flash through my mind. I didn't want to have to deal with the memory of that pain, on top of my stupidity for even thinking, or rather hoping and fantasizing, that Edward would want me that way.

_I'll just call him and tell him everything is fine, that I won't reveal his secret._

Then I broke down again in a heaving mess of hyperventilating sobs.

_I can't call him. I can't speak to him. I'll break down, and he'll wonder why. _He's so happy to be with her, with Rosalie. His smile was so heartbreakingly exuberant when I told him how happy I was for him.

_I'll just leave him a note._

And then I thought about tomorrow, about trying to avoid him before he went on his publicity tour.

_He still expects me to meet him in the bar every night, he said he wanted nothing to change...I can't, I can't see him._

And then one thought dominated everything else. I didn't want to be alone. I thought Edward was my friend, and now even that was in jeopardy because, once again, I'd gone and fallen in love with a man that I couldn't have. It was an odd sort of relief in a way, now that I knew Edward was with Rosalie. At least now he really is a no-go zone. At least I have a choice this time.

With Riley, I'd never found out he was still in love with Victoria until it was too late, until after I'd thrown myself at him.

_Thank God I never did that to Edward. How mortified would I have been if I'd told Edward my real feelings for him_? My stomach lurched just thinking about it.

_I want my mum_. Like the sad and pitiful teenager that used to pine over Riley. I wanted my mum's soothing words and moral pep talks about how there were plenty more fish in the sea, and if it wasn't meant to be then it was because my real, _true_ love would come along one day and make everything else seem petty and ridiculous.

But my mum was on the other side of the planet. It would be pointless calling her, she'd just get anxious for me and insist I pack and fly straight back to Sydney, to home.

Home. Sydney.

Home. Forks, my second home. My dad - Charlie - was just a drive away.

_I have a car, I can leave in ten minutes. I can be on the road and to Port Angeles in four hours or less._

My decision was made. I called the concierge desk.

"Hi Mike, I need your help. I need to get to Port Angeles, tonight. Can you let me know if it's possible to get a ferry this late? I'll be taking the car I hired."

"Is everything OK?" He sounded genuinely concerned and I couldn't help but smile. _He's so sweet_.

"Um, yes," I lied. Mike didn't need to know that I was mortified beyond belief. I couldn't tell him that I'd ever contemplated that an amazingly handsome and talented Hollywood actor would be single, available, and want to be with _me_. Moreover, there was no way I'd tell Mike that I was insanely in love with that actor.

"I just really need to see my dad in Forks and I want to get there as soon as possible."

"Bella, I don't think you'll be able to get a ferry at this time of night. Can you wait until the morning?"

"I just want to be on my way there already Mike. Can you see what you can do?" _God, I'm even sounding like a whiney teenager._

"Of course, I'll make some calls and get right back to you."

"Thanks, Mike."

I hastily threw some clothes and a few toiletries into my overnight bag. I packed my laptop securely then I sat at the desk in my room and wrote Edward a note on the hotel stationery.

_**Hi Edward,**_

_**You don't need to worry, I would never dream of betraying your trust in me. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to reassure you that things won't change. I still want you to have the lyrics.**_

_**I hope you survive all the media and fans while you are away.**_

_**Bella.**_

I re-read it. _God, it sounds so impersonal_. I wanted to write that I would see him in the bar when he got back, but at this stage, that would be a lie. I felt like a fake saying that things wouldn't change when I knew they would. I _wanted _to be his friend, but it kind of seemed inappropriate of me to want to spend that time in the bar with him, knowing that the girl he really wants was in the same hotel and he was just killing time with me until he could be with her.

I reluctantly pulled my mobile from the bottom of my bag. I'd put it on vibrate before I'd gotten to Edward's room, not wanting to be disturbed. _Well it's not like anyone but Edward or Angela really even calls me._

There were five missed calls from Edward. I didn't have voicemail; I elected not to use it. I thought if someone couldn't contact me they would try again. I switched the phone off.

_Why is he calling me? In fact, why did he want me in his room anyway? Rosalie could have helped him with the script._

The hotel phone rang.

"Bella, it's Mike. I'm afraid I can't get you on a ferry tonight but I took the liberty of booking you on the ferry that leaves at five am from Twasswassen. I have a friend that manages a bed and breakfast there; you could stay there tonight then head to the ferry early. It means you could get to Port Angeles by nine and arrive in Forks by about ten or ten thirty tomorrow morning. Would that suit you?"

"Yes, Mike, thank you. That sounds perfect."

"OK, I have a map for you to find the B&B. Do you want me to book you a return trip?"

"Um, well, I don't know how long I'll be staying, so I'll look after that myself, thank you."

"That's my pleasure. Bella, Mr. Paul called down again; he is very anxious to speak with you. I didn't tell him you were back. I won't tell him, but he seems pretty distraught."

"I have a note that you can give him when I leave, OK? Please, I'd rather you don't tell him where I'm going."

"Of course, Bella."

"I'll be right down."

At the desk, Mike handed me the map with directions and documentation that I needed to catch the ferry. I fingered the note I'd written to Edward, hesitating. I wrote on the outside of the envelope 'Mr. Paul room 3401', then handed it to Mike.

Then I headed down to the basement. I looked at the hire car. Images flashed through my mind of Edward standing intimately close to me, touching my cheek with the backs of his fingers, '_I just love it so much when you blush like that_'.

Silent tears ran down my cheeks. I opened the trunk and threw my overnight bag inside, then placed my laptop bag in gently. _I need to be away from this hotel, everything here makes me think of Edward._

_Everything will be alright when I see my dad, when I see Charlie._

~0~

**A/N: I know! Bella did a 'runner'. I think the whole situation reminded her too much of Riley… if you haven't had a chance to read **_**Ellipsis**_** yet **

**www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/6088589/1/Ellipsis**** . **

**It will hopefully give you a better understanding of why Bella reacted that way. If you like the story, visit the others in the challenge and cast your vote: **

**www (dot) fanfiction (dot)net/u/2333273/Alternate_Shippers_Challenge**

**And…if you've never heard of Milo, go to my profile page on .**

**www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/2130512/BoydBlog**

**you will find an Aussie glossary, it has some info including a lamington recipe!**

**This chapter would not appear as it does without the assistance of ****CandyTwi**** and ****LadyZoe****…these wonderful ladies inspire me daily! And MizezPattinson (I think the Shrine to the jeans quote originally came from you? Tee-hee).**

**CandyTwi's **_**Belladonna**_** has been nominated for a Vampie Award! Please check out her story. It's completely pwning me at the moment (yeah, and I'm lucky enough to be her beta)…**

**I predict–yes, this is a big call–that **_**Belladonna**_** will be as big as MoTU! **

**OK, I said it, try and prove me wrong peeps! **

**www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/5944326/1/Belladonna**

**Luv BBxx**


	17. Hemidemisemiquaver

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

~~Edward~~

I'd spent most of the night pacing, practically wearing a track in the carpet, and tugging at my hair in frustration. Bella hadn't called me. _She thinks I'm here, doing god knows what with Rosalie!_

I jumped with anticipation when I heard knocking at my door.

For the second time that night I flung it open with force. It wasn't Bella.

"Mr Paul, I have a note for you." the bellhop dipped his head and handed me an envelope then turned abruptly, not even waiting for me to tip him.

I held the note as if it was a bomb, as if any sudden movement would rip my arm off.

I recognized Bella's small neat handwriting then my heart sank to the fucking floor. It was addressed to Mr. Paul - my alias, not me. It was addressed to the fake name I used to try and stay anonymous, and I instantly knew that whatever she had written inside was going to be devastating.

I couldn't prolong the inevitable. I walked back into the living area and sat down. My hoodie was still draped over the seat next to me. Pathetic really, like keeping a piece of clothing that she'd briefly worn next to me would be enough.

I opened the envelope.

_**Hi Edward,**_

_**You don't need to worry, I would never dream of betraying your trust in me. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to reassure you that things won't change. I still want you to have the lyrics.**_

_**I hope you survive all the media and fans while you are away.**_

_**Bella.**_

I looked, unblinking, at her words.

_Bella thinks I trust her not to talk about a relationship that doesn't even exist. She doesn't want to see me until I'm back from the junket? She still wants me to have the lyrics? Did she think that was the only reason I spent time with her?_

_Fuck_!

She hadn't even signed it with the word I wanted the most from her. _Love_.

I stood, determined, and grabbed my room swipe card. I went back down to the lobby, my eyes scouring for Mike, the concierge. He was nowhere in sight. I walked up to reception. The female behind the desk smiled widely at me.

"Good evening Mr...Paul, how may I help you?"

"I need to speak to the concierge, please."

"Mr. Newton has left for the evening. I can request the hotel Night Manager assist you?"

I sighed. "When will Mr. Newton be back?" I queried.

"He begins his shift at eight a.m., sir. Would you like to leave him a message?"

"No, that's OK." I suddenly remembered that Bella had a rental car.

"Can you tell me, does my room card allow access to the basement parking garage?" I handed her my card and she swiped it over something.

"It does now sir," she smiled sweetly at me but then looked nervous. I knew that look, so I pre-empted her request. "Thank you. I really appreciate it, can I do anything in return?''

She grinned. "Would it too forward of me to get an autograph for my friend?" She slipped me a magazine. My face was on the cover. I remembered the shoot; it was over six months old. The media were re-hashing old studio shots of me because I hadn't had the time to do any recently.

"What's your friend's name?"

"Mandy."

I wrote directly across the middle of my face with the black Sharpie she had placed on the counter.

"Thank you!" she smiled and I strode back to the elevator, deliberately not looking out of the foyer doors, to the fans I knew were congregating.

I was in the basement parking garage in a flash. The rental car was gone. Either Bella had returned it sometime today or yesterday, or she'd left the hotel in it.

I stood in the cool concrete bunker. I could hear the high-pitched buzz from the fluorescent light above me and, with a sinking heart, I conceded she was gone. I knew it; I felt that she wasn't in the hotel.

_Bella has gone._

~~Bella~~

I arrived at the B&B Mike booked me into and was greeted by a heavily pregnant woman in her late twenties.

"Hi, I'm Kate. You must be Bella? Welcome, did you find us OK?"

Kate possessed a distinct Australian accent and I smiled knowingly. Why did I get the impression Mike had known this would perk up my somber mood? I couldn't help but smile.

"The drive was fine. Kate, you're Australian?" I queried.

"Yes," She gushed, a huge smile spread across her face. "Mike told me you're from Sydney. He told me to take great care of you. How long are you staying in Vancouver?"

"Um, I'm supposed to be staying for six months." Even to me, it sounded like I was having second thoughts. Kate didn't notice.

"I'm from Adelaide originally, but I've been living in Vancouver with my husband Garrett for nearly three years now. As you can see, I won't be traveling back for a while." She glided her hand over her rounded tummy affectionately.

"Come inside, Bella. I'm not being a very good host, chatting your ear off before I've even shown you to your room."

Kate led me up a winding staircase and passed a large living area.

"This is the sitting room," she gestured.

The room was decorated in a homey, yet old-womanly way, with lace doilies and shabby chic throw pillows, pastel pink carpet, pale green velvet upholstery, little collections of ornaments and knickknacks. Not at all what I expected for an Aussie girl from Adelaide.

We continued down a hallway to a door on the right.

"Here's your room Bella. Everything you need is here; the share bathroom is just at the end of the hall. We only have three other guests here at the moment. I'll be hanging out in the sitting room for a while. I hope you can join me if you don't want to go to sleep straight away? I've got some cheese and Jatz and I can make some tea?"

I sensed that Kate was eager to have a chat. For my part, I was excited I had an Aussie to talk to.

"I'd love that Kate. I don't suppose you have any Milo?"

She laughed. "Yes, of course I do! And not that crazy stuff they sell here in Canada; I've got real Milo, my mum sends it from Adelaide! You get settled and I'll meet you in the sitting room in ten minutes. How many spoonfuls?"

"Um, four?" I blushed.

"Don't tell Garrett, but I have six!" she laughed and started walking down the hall.

I placed my bag next to the bed and sat down. The room was decorated in a pale lemon color, the bed had too many throw pillows and each skirted bedside table displayed a plastic flower arrangement. I closed my eyes. The room reminded me of Grandma Swan.

_I wish I could talk to you Gran. I miss you. I miss everyone._

The drive had only taken half an hour and I was so focused on not getting lost that I hadn't let myself dwell too much on Edward. Now I was sitting alone in a strange room with unfamiliar decor and that distinct sickly sweet fake flower smell from a plug-in air deodorizer. I felt weak and broken.

_Fuck Bella, grow up. Get out of this self-pity. It was your own stupidity for even contemplating something that was unachievable. Stop._

_Edward is happy, I can be happy for him._

I sat with Kate as she chattered non-stop about Vancouver, about her husband Garrett, who turned out to be a chef that sometimes filled in at the hotel. They had met when Kate was twenty. She had left Adelaide to backpack around Canada and they had been together ever since.

"So the couple that own this place are in their mid-sixties. They decided they needed a holiday. I can't really blame them, it get's a little frustrating when you speak to holiday makers all day every day and hear about their wonderful adventures."

"How long are the owners away?" I asked, as I savored the just right Milo, smiling to myself as I sunk into the squishy velvet chair. The weather was too warm to be drinking Milo, but it was a little piece of familiarity that was doing wonders at relaxing me. That, and the fact I was chatting to Kate, a friendly fellow Australian.

"They've been gone eight weeks already. They don't plan on coming back for at least another three months, and they said they might even stay away until after Christmas! My parents said if we were still here they'd come and stay! Perfect, in fact my whole family could come and visit, help with the baby and there'd be a room for each person!" she laughed.

"We're saving up to buy our own place, like this. Well, not quite like this, there will be absolutely no dust collectors or fake flowers and definitely no pink!" she giggled, gesturing to the decor.

"What about you Bella? Why are you in Vancouver?" she added.

"I won a writing prize," I said sheepishly. "I get to stay in the hotel, all expenses paid for six months, and write my novel."

"Get outta here, that's bloody fantastic! How long do you have left? "

"I've been here for just under a month. Five more to go." As that fact sunk in, I felt my good mood since talking to Kate slip.

"You don't sound like that's a good thing. Homesick?" she said softly.

"Yes. That's one of the reasons I'm catching the ferry. I'm going to surprise my dad in Forks." I sounded sort of deadpan, and Kate picked up on it.

"Is there another reason?" she queried, raising her eyebrow slightly.

Kate was a stranger, and I needed to tell someone, without specific details.

"Um, I met someone. I knew it couldn't go anywhere, but still, I went and..." I was going to say 'let myself think there could be something between us,' but I halted.

Kate finished for me. "You fell in love," she smiled knowingly.

All I could do was nod my head slightly, feeling even more depressed.

"Bella, never say never. I thought that Garrett and I couldn't make it work, but I didn't give up. Now look at me, I'm going to be a mum in less than five weeks and we couldn't be happier!" she beamed. "So, does this person love you too?"

"No, he's dating someone else." Actually saying the words made me feel hollow inside.

"Oh," she said. I looked up; she looked like she was trying to think of something to say.

I smiled and changed the subject. "Do you know if it's a boy or girl?"

"Not officially, but I _know_ it's a boy—_I can feel it in me waters_!" We both burst out laughing, just as a tall man with sandy blonde hair entered the room.

"Quoting from '_Kath & Kim_' again, Kate?" He laughed. He smiled at me before leaning down to kiss Kate affectionately on the lips.

"Garrett, this is Bella, she's from Sydney! Mike sent her over from the hotel, she's leaving on the 5 am ferry to Schwarz Bay."

"Nice to meet you Bella. Kate's been ear-bashing you, right?" Both Kate and I laughed.

"He tries so hard to do a convincing Aussie accent and he won't believe me when I say he's absolutely crap at it." Kate rolled her eyes.

"I resent that, you weren't complaining the other night..."

"Garrett!" Kate swatted him playfully. "Just ignore him, Bella."

Watching them interact was so refreshing. It was obvious they were in love. The way their eyes lit up, the way he kissed her, now he was standing next to her chair with his hand on her shoulder, gently squeezing, over and over.

"I should get to bed." I stood abruptly, suddenly jealous and uncomfortable. "Thanks for the chat and the Milo, it was so delicious. Um, Mike said that I needed to be at the ferry terminal ninety minutes before the boat sails, so maybe I should, you know, pay my bill now, so I don't have to wake you?"

"No need Bella, Mike's taken care of it. And you really only need get there forty minutes before. You'll be getting off at Swartz Bay to get on another ferry, so your car will be one of the last ones loaded on." stated Kate.

"I'll make sure you're awake at ten to four, that gives you time to get ready and down to the terminal in plenty of time." said Garrett. "What would you like for breakfast? I can make you some pancakes, or eggs?"

"Oh, you don't need to do that. I don't think I'll be able to eat anything that early." I smiled. "But, thank you."

I watched as Kate gripped the armrests of the chair and hauled herself to standing. "Have a great time with your dad, Bella. Don't be a stranger, feel free to pop in on your way back, OK?" She stepped over to me and gave me a hug.

"Thanks Kate, thanks Garrett. I will."

I got ready for bed, lay down and let my mind wander. Kate and Garrett's interaction was comfortable, genuine. I thought back to how Rosalie had accused Edward, the look of panic on his face.

_Are they in love?_

Rosalie seemed so rude and up herself. _Is that who Edward really wants? He's so gentle and caring, she seems completely wrong for him!_

But I suppose what they say is true, opposites attract? Rosalie is exceptionally beautiful; of course any man would want her. She understands Edward's life better than I ever could, because she lives the life of a celebrity as well.

I allowed myself to conjure the image of Edward holding me before I left his suite, his warm, hard body, the strong smell of his spicy cologne and fresh soap, the feel of his arms touching my back and his soft skin. I imagined him pulling me tighter against him and slowly kissing me, happy, and in love.

_That will never happen._

I quietly cried myself to sleep.

~~Edward~~

I sat in front of my Mac, opened iTunes and created a new playlist – 'Bella'. _It's about fucking time I did this, after I'd promised her I would, a week ago. _I didn't even know when I'd get to give her the damn playlist, not now_._

Every song I clicked on, every fucking sappy lyric and smooth harmony reminded me of Bella. I tried to relax, but I couldn't, I was awash with emotions, mainly regret. _I should have just told her._

Then my phone started ringing. I almost dropped it in my haste, but the sudden hope I felt was short-lived.

"Hi Jasper," I said sullenly.

"Don't sound so enthusiastic to hear from me, Edward, " Jasper replied sarcastically.

"Sorry, but I'm sure Alice has filled you in? I was hoping it was Bella calling me."

"Bella hasn't contacted you yet?"

"She had a note sent up to me. I'm pretty sure she's left the hotel."

"Oh, sorry man. Look, I want to tell you something. It may, well, it _could_ help you get through the next few days, you know, before you get to see Bella again. I never really told you about what happened when I first met Alice."

"What? I know the story, Alice told me everything." I went back to sit on the sofa.

"No, she didn't," he sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"Edward, when Alice met me, I was in a relationship."

"Really? She definitely left that part out."

"Look, I'm going to tell you this, because even though I now completely understand Alice's..._gift_. Back then I just thought she was kind of, you know, New Age psycho. I mean here's this cute energetic girl, telling me that we were made for each other, that I was her soul mate and that she had been looking for me since she had a dream at age fourteen. It's not like I initially took her seriously, and I _was_ dating someone else, so I just kind of tried to blow her off."

"But, I thought you guys hooked up immediately? Well, that's what Alice implied."

"We didn't. I was a bit of an asshole to her at first. I told her she was delusional and God, I cringe now when I think about it, I told Alice she wasn't my type. I fucking made her cry, she was crushed."

"What? Why in the hell did you do that?"

"I know, I feel sick about it now Edward, but, like I said, I was with someone. I was seeing this girl, Maria. Alice came on to me hard, confident; she was convinced I'd immediately feel the same. Don't get me wrong; if I hadn't been with Maria, I would have taken Alice home with me there and then. I felt the attraction Edward, the static pulsing when she touched me. It freaked me the fuck out. I did the only thing I ever did when I felt out of control, I shut her down."

"She never told me any of this." I sighed.

Poor Alice, she knew Jasper was _the one_, she said she saw him, an image of him in her dream, just like she had seen Bella. She knew what color hair he had, she knew he had grey/green eyes and a distinctly Southern accent.

When she had introduced Jasper to my family, she had implied they had met recently. All I saw was they were definitely together and they were obviously and definitely in love.

"Well then, how long was it, before you guys were together? I always assumed it was instant."

"The attraction was instant, but like I said, I fought it. It was weird and scary. This girl turns up from nowhere, telling me we were meant to be together and God, I believed her in my heart and I knew what she was saying was true, but I rejected her anyway. Don't ask me why, I just freaked out. It was four months before I accepted it. Alice gave me the space, what else could she do? She wasn't going to just give up on me."

"Four months! How in the fuck?" It was crushing for me to know that Alice had lived through Jasper's rejection alone for four entire months. It would have devastated her. I felt sick that she hadn't confided in me.

"Please Edward, can you keep this to yourself? I feel wretched about it, and Alice said that she knew it would all work out in the end, so even though it hurt her to step back and wait, she did it for us, she said she sensed I needed the time to process the enormity of what she was saying to me.

I closed my eyes. I remembered Alice's words from earlier in the evening, when she had called to calm me. Alice had a point; Bella's feelings for me wouldn't change, and the misunderstanding over Rosalie had been ill timed, but expecting Bella to just throw caution to the wind and accept me when I did eventually declare myself to her was a long shot.

I'd known her fifteen short days. I had no idea about her previous romantic history, except that she had looked sad when she had talked about her ex, and some music reminded her of him. She said she hadn't had a boyfriend in three years. I had no way of knowing if Bella would accept our inevitable bond quickly or just shut _me_ down, like Jasper shut Alice down; a coping mechanism, a way to protect herself from being hurt again?

"Four months? It took you all that time to believe Alice and trust your own feelings? I barely know Bella, and she's never even met Alice. I've told her nothing about the dream, or Alice's _gift_."

"Then don't tell her," said Jasper urgently. "I guarantee it will freak her the fuck out. Let Bella and Alice meet first; no one would believe Alice's talent if they'd never met her. You need to take things slowly. You don't have to be together straight away."

"Jasper, I'm dying here. She thinks I'm with Rosalie Hale! I don't want her to think that! I want her to know she's the only woman I've ever felt this way about!"

"I know. Can you imagine how hard it was for me? I felt the connection, and I was with someone else. I had to do the right thing. I was so conflicted. God I fucking couldn't stand it! All I wanted to do was get your sister in my bed," he groaned.

"OK, too much information," I scolded half-heartedly. "It's the same for me with Bella. She's all I think about and those thoughts are, well, highly fucking distracting. But it's not just about the sexual attraction. She just _gets me_, I feel like I can be myself around her. When I'm with her I'm not Edward Cullen the actor that the paparazzi go ballistic over, I'm Edward, the ordinary guy who went to school in Forks and plays the piano."

"I feel for you, Edward. All I can say is, stay positive, wait for her, give her all the time she needs. You know it _should_ all work out, just not instantly, OK?"

"Yeah, thanks. I can't do anything anyway until I get back from this junket. I'll be in LA Friday night. I don't have my schedule, but I'm going to try and see mom and dad and so, if you guys are around?"

"Yeah, make the time Edward. If Alice doesn't get the chance to see you face to face while you're here, she'll go nuts!" he laughed.

"I'll make it happen."

"OK, see you Friday then."

"Bye, and thanks Jasper."

I sat, thinking about Jasper's words and trying not to wallow. _It would be so much easier if I just knew where she was, if I knew she was safe!_

~~Bella~~

I sipped the cool liquid and gazed at the view from the bar, so inspiring and opulent. I felt calm, relaxed, at peace. My writing flowed freely again, no writer's block, just focused direction.

I looked up out of habit as the door opened and I audibly gasped with shock at the sight.

Rosalie Hale stood, breathtakingly beautiful, tall and sexy in a black designer dress, next to an equally beautiful ethereal woman in green with luxurious auburn hair that flowed in soft waves around her shoulders.

They walked to one of the tables beyond the piano, confident, and oblivious to me.

James brought them a bottle of Cristal champagne and four chilled champagne flutes.

Then they looked directly at me. Their cool demeanor never wavered as the redhead whispered to Rosalie. They stared at me and giggled.

_Victoria_?

My heart was pounding in my chest; my hand that was holding my wine glass started shaking violently.

_This cannot be happening._

Then door swung open again and two men walked in.

Riley and Edward.

Edward was slightly taller, immaculately dressed, vibrant and alive with sexuality. Next to him stood Riley, athletic, bronzed, with an impish smile that lit up his whole face. Both men possessed a distinct individualism that was magnetic, and alluring.

The surreal dream then spun into the blackest nightmare. Edward looked towards 'our' table and gave me a shy smile before walking up to Rosalie, who rose from her chair to greet him. She wrapped her arms around his neck. His eyes never left mine as he cradled her face and kissed her slowly, sensuously on the mouth. His eyes stared at me as he kissed her, burning a hole in my heart.

Victoria jumped from her seat, alive with boundless energy and enthusiasm. She embraced Riley possessively, sliding her arms around him and burying her face in his neck. I watched in complete mortification as he smirked at me and then roughly kissed Victoria, tugging on her bottom lip playfully with his teeth, sliding his hands over her pert backside and squeezing it suggestively.

I sat, frozen, as I watched James fill their glasses, each toasting and laughing, each couple holding hands, casually caressing each other's faces. It was like watching some contrived television commercial, four beautiful people, high on life and love, perfect in every way.

They all turned in their seats to look and laugh at me, whispering and pointing.

I wanted to die.

I started to pack away my things, desperate to leave this nightmare behind me. Edward's eyes burned into mine, they were apologetic, yet, he sat motionless...with _her_. My heart felt like it was cracking in two.

I stumbled from the booth, dropped my bag and fumbled to pick it up. My legs were like jello, my face burned with embarrassment and anguish. I reached the door, I could hear them laughing… I turned my head to take one last look...

I woke up sweating, panting, as if I'd run a fucking marathon.

I looked at the clock. It was 3:37am. I grabbed the pillow and cuddled it, pressing my face into it to stifle my sobs.

I took deep breaths into my lungs.

_I'm still at the B&B. _

_It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream_. I chanted.

I clutched the pillow, trying to breathe, trying to wipe the excruciating images from my mind. Eventually I pulled myself out of bed and grabbed my bag to walk like a zombie into the bathroom at the end of the hall.

I stood like a statue in the shower, my tears mingling with the steady pulsing pressure of hot water. I towel-dried my hair, pulling it into a haphazard ponytail, not caring that it would frizz and knot. _Who cares what I look like anyway?_

I got dressed, put everything into my bag and walked down the hall, passed the sitting room and down the stairs.

Garrett greeted me. He looked wide-awake and was casually dressed in sweats and a t-shirt.

"Hi Bella, I hope you had a good rest?" He smiled.

I nodded, tried to smile. "Yes, thank you."

"Can I get you some tea before you go?"

"I'd love some coffee, if it's not too much trouble?" I asked timidly. I needed the caffeine; this was going to be a long, tiring day.

"Of course, it's no trouble, come with me."

Garrett led me into the huge kitchen that had a breakfast bar with tall chrome and white stools. I perched myself on one of the stools and looked out the large windows. It was still dark outside but I could see there was swimming pool, bordered with a beautiful manicured garden.

Garret made me coffee and told me the logistics of the ferry trip. When it was time to leave he stood up and carried my bag for me. He also grabbed a small blue cooler bag.

"Kate made this up for you last night. It's breakfast and morning tea for you. She insists you take it for the journey."

"She didn't need to do that!" I smiled.

"Please Bella, she wanted to. She misses home, especially with all the pregnancy hormones. Last night—talking to you—was the highlight of her month! I hope you do come back to visit?"

"Yes, I will." I knew I would. If I was going to survive another five months in Vancouver not pining over Edward, a friend like Kate would be an amazing distraction.

Garrett walked me to my car, helped me load my bag, and showed me the map and the directions to the ferry terminal.

"Have a great trip Bella, see you soon."

"Goodbye Garrett, Please thank Kate for me." I sighed and took another look at the quaint home before switching on the ignition and driving off down the street.

~~Edward~~

I was in my trailer, about to go on set. I hadn't heard from Bella, and I'd left the hotel at six, so I hadn't seen Mike. I was obsessing about where Bella could be and who she knew in Vancouver. She wouldn't have gone to Ben and Angela's, they would have called me for sure. _Unless she didn't tell them? No, even if she thinks I'm with Rosalie, she wouldn't tell them, would she?_

_Fuck!_ I called Angela's cell.

"Edward?"

"Hi Angela, how are you?"

"I'm good, how is everything with you? Did you get Bella's help on the script?""

"What? Have you spoken to Bella today?"

"No, I spoke to her yesterday. I invited her to come to the movies with me, but she declined. She said she'd be helping you with a script."

"Um, yeah, she did." I couldn't tell Angela what happened. I knew if I kept talking to her, she would figure it out. I was crap at lying to her, and I knew if I spoke directly to Ben he'd guess, just by the tone of my voice.

"Oh damn, Ange, sorry I have to go, they're calling me to the set." I lied. "Tell Ben I'll call him when I get to LA?"

"OK, when do you leave?"

"Tomorrow, I'll be back Tuesday morning."

"OK, say hi to Alice and Jasper for me?"

"I will, bye Ange."

_OK, so Bella didn't go and see Angela. As far as I know, she doesn't know anyone else in Vancouver, except James the bar guy. No, he would have been working in the VIP bar last night. Who else does she know?_

Laurent.

_God, she could have gone to Laurent's last night, Fuck! That sleazy creep could have hit on her!_

I was frantic now, my mind playing out different scenarios of where she could be and with whom.

I dialed the hotel, and asked to speak to Mike.

"Good morning, Concierge."

"Mike, it's Edward Cullen." I was sick to death of using my fucking alias, especially after receiving Bella's note last night.

"Mr. Cullen. How can I assist you?"

"I'm worried about Bella Swan. She didn't call me back. I got her note, but I have a feeling she wasn't in the hotel last night and I'm going out of my mind. She doesn't know many people in Vancouver and her phone is switched off. She could be hurt, she could have gone back to Laurent's and gotten into trouble or something."

I closed my eyes, my mind conjuring visions of that douche-bag Laurent kissing her cheeks.

Mike hadn't said anything. _He fucking knows where she is!_

"Mike, please! Can you tell me where she is?" I was shocked at how completely desperate I sounded.

"Mr. Cullen, I can assure you Miss Swan is safe and not in any type of danger. That's really all I can tell you. I hope you understand that if it were possible for me to elaborate, I most certainly would."

_She told him not to tell me? _I felt faint. I sat, feeling thoroughly dejected and sick.

"But she's alright?"

"Yes, I assure you, she is safe."

"I don't suppose you know when she is coming back to the hotel?" I didn't sound hopeful.

"I'm afraid I do not." I could tell he felt uncomfortable giving me any information at all.

The knock on my trailer door startled me. "Edward, they need you on set now!"

I looked towards the door. The sickness in my stomach rose to become an ache in my chest.

"Thank you Mike, I appreciate the information."

"You're welcome Mr. Pa- Mr. Cullen."

"Please, call me Edward. I'm sick of pretending, Mike. I'm sorry if I put you in an uncomfortable situation. I just need to know that she's OK."

"I understand. If it's any consolation, she will be with _family_. Enjoy your day." He disconnected quickly.

_Family_.

I knew instantly that Bella had left the hotel and that she was in Forks. I pictured Charlie's Swan's home in my mind. I pictured the Forks Police Station, then I remembered my old home, my bedroom, the memories of High School. Memories of Forks started flooding back to me.

The bashing on my door resumed.

I mentally thanked Mike. _At least I know she will be safe with her dad. _

_Now, how in the hell am I going to get through my scenes with Rosalie and the next four days of pure hell at this fucking junket?_

~~Bella~~

The morning had crawled by, but now I was well on my way to Port Angeles. I watched through the window as the seagulls followed the ferry. People were holding bread up high and the gulls were hovering, eating it out of their hands. It was surreal. It was only eight o'clock and I'd had a total of four too hot and very strong lattes.

I sat down and opened the little cooler bag. Kate had packed me an Aussie travelers feast; a drink bottle of milk, a small picnic bowl and spoon, three Weet-Bix- that's breakfast sorted, then SAO's with Vegemite and a thermos of Milo for morning tea. She had even included a little plastic container with extra Milo, and three Tim Tams. I couldn't help but smile. She would have had fun packing this for me. The thought perked me up. _She'll be a fantastic mum._

I sat at a small table and poured the cool milk over the Weet-Bix. When I finished eating, I closed my eyes. I could feel the forward motion of the ferry. The very slight rise and fall, lulling me to try and relax, but the caffeine was still buzzing through my system.

It wasn't long before my psychotic mind wandered back to the events of last night. Edward was touching me intimately, he had me alone in his room, but he was waiting to finish filming with Rosalie before they were together. Did that mean, _together_, together? I thought of what the flirty cougars in the lift said. If they were 'together' surely Rosalie wouldn't let him out of her sight? Surely she'd want to spend every night with him. _Was he not with Rosalie sexually, was he making her wait to actually be with her?_

_Oh god, did he get me to his room so he could...oh god! Did he just want me for sex?_

Would he do that? Would he have slept with me, a warm body in his hotel room, a fan that he could fuck, without anyone knowing? He'd freaked out when I went to open the curtains, scared that I'd be photographed through the windows of his suite. Then I remembered how he had touched me when he was drunk, it was delicious and lustful. He was a red-blooded guy, a guy with sexual needs. Surely he knew the effect he had on women when he talked in that seductive voice and stroked my hand?

He said he hasn't had a girlfriend in two years, but he'd lied about Rosalie, so, maybe he'd lied about that as well. _He's Edward Cullen for fucks sake; he's a heartthrob sex symbol. How could he have not slept with anyone in that time? _Well, I suppose he didn't have to have a girlfriend to have sex. He could have hand picked any one of those women, he could have any attractive fan easily brought up to his suite for some personal one-on-one meet and greet! _Of course he would have had sex in the last two years._ He's alive with sexual energy and sensuality. He's fucking twenty-three, beautiful and desirable. _Of course he has sex!_

_No, no, no. Had Edward got me up to his room just to have a one night stand with me, or make me his regular bonk buddy while we were both in the hotel?_ _Is that why he didn't want our friendship to change, so he could rely on 'friends' with sexual benefits? Did he trust me to keep our liaison a secret, from Angela and Ben and from the media as well? That's it, he trusted me not to sell the story—'I've fucked Edward Cullen!'_

I placed my head in my hands and groaned.

_Fucking stop this now. Edward would never do that. Am I making up all these delusional theories to cope with the loss, the unbearable loss of what might have been? I'm trying to hate him, to make it less painful?_

_Would he be upset that I didn't call him? Would he still be worried that I'd reveal his secret relationship with Rosalie?_

The media already suspected, the trashy magazines all claimed it, not in so many words, but still, it was implied they were together. Me knowing the truth didn't make any difference, surely? He probably felt relief that someone knew. The smile he gave me when I told him I was happy for him proved he was. So, maybe I _could_ just be his friend, at least until he leaves Vancouver?

_I should call him._

Could I do it? Could I call him and not freak out?

I recalled the nightmare, the image of him kissing her, kissing Rosalie Hale. I'd seen them kiss before—onscreen. It hadn't bothered me then. It _shouldn't_ bother me. If that is what he wants, if she is what he wants, then I just have to accept it.

I pulled my phone out, switched it on and selected Edward's number before I could change my mind.

It went immediately to his voice-mail.

"Hey Edward. I'm sorry I didn't call you back last night." I tried to keep my voice, casual, light-hearted. "I hope you got my note? Um, so I'm away from the hotel for a while. I just wanted you to know that...you can trust me. I'm not going to say anything; you don't have to pretend, with me. I'm so glad we're still friends, right? I mean you said things won't change, you're not the type of guy that ditches your friends when you start...um, you know, seeing someone?" God, I was rambling and starting to get nervous. "Anyway, I'd say have a great time, but that probably goes without saying." _Shit! _"Bye."

_OK, I could have done that better._

I could feel my face flaming with embarrassment. I sat staring at my phone. The battery was nearly dead. I switched it off.

_I'll charge it when I get to Forks._

~0~

**A/N: CandyTwi and LadyZoe, my praise once again.**

**To my regular reviewers, I adore you all, and even though you are about to tear your hair out with frustration…please remember, this slow burn will eventually turn into a full-blown inferno…can you wait…patiently?**

**Come and rant with me on the thread for Epiosode on the Twilighted forum: http:/www (dot) twilighted (dot) net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=44&t=9959**

**A reminder my Aussie glossary is on my profile page:**

**http : / www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/~boydblog**


	18. Rest

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

~~Edward~~

"I know, please try. I hate that you think there's no other way for us, please..." my fingers slowly wrapped into her hair, and I lowered my face to hers.

I used all my willpower, my training, everything I'd learned over the last three years. I _became_ the character, but in my mind I wasn't just about to kiss my character's girlfriend. In my mind's eye, it was Bella's lips I was about to consume.

Even during the act itself, visions of Bella flitted through my head; her sitting in the bar, the look on her face when I played the piano at Laurent's, her face blushing that delicious crimson as I kissed her cheek. _Bella_.

"Cut! Print! That was fucking brilliant guys. Let's move on to scene twenty-five," instructed Marc, breaking the silence instantly. The crew proceeded to move to the next scene set-up.

Rosalie pulled herself out of my arms. She stood, breathing heavily, like me, staring. Her face was impassive. I snapped myself out of it, brought myself back.

"Have you looked at the publicity schedule yet?" she asked. Surprisingly, she sounded genuinely inquisitive, no hint of sarcasm.

"No." I answered.

She continued to stare. "Can we talk before we do the next scene? In private? Please."

Rosalie's uncharacteristic use of politeness intrigued me.

"Sure."

We proceeded to walk off the set. I was cautious and curious. Just then Rosalie's make-up artist approached.

"I need ten minutes!" Rosalie snapped.

I smiled apologetically as the makeup girl backed away. So much for the brief glimpse of Rosalie's politeness. I now doubted Rose wanted to talk to me to apologize for the way she acted last night, for her rudeness towards Bella.

Rosalie was headed for my trailer. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, so I walked up to hold the door open for her.

We stood inside facing each other.

"I spoke to Marc this morning and he said he'd be happy to reschedule the car scene for when we get back."

"Really?" I raised my eyebrow waiting for her to get to the point.

"So, we can leave for LA this afternoon, instead of tomorrow. I've planned it all, I've had the flights already changed." she stated.

I took in a deep breath. I waited. I knew it was coming, something she wanted from me.

"There's a party you need to attend with me, tonight."

I didn't respond. I was numb.

"Zafrina Yolanda is going to be the next big thing in Hollywood. Royce manages her. The party is going to be _the_ place to be tonight. We need to be seen there, together. I think you should wear that Gucci suit - "

I turned away from her, enraged. S_he has no fucking idea! Selfish, delusional!_

"Edward! This is as much about your career as it is about mine. You know what it's like: one false move and we're done, old news. Looks and talent fade Edward; we need to be seen, we need to shore up our personal profile so we can continue to get work, as individuals."

_Don't lose it. Stay calm._

"Is that what Royce King, your _all knowing_ manager told you to tell me? Are they his words of wisdom for surviving in this cut throat industry? Are they, Rose?" I closed my eyes, willing myself to calm down.

_She doesn't know any better; she's being fed poor advice, and she's only nineteen. Fuck!_

"I will go to LA on that flight this afternoon but I will not be attending any party with you." I stayed calm. "I don't see the point, Rose. We're not together; we will never be anything more than co-stars. I will not continue to perpetuate the belief that we are together. Not after your display last night in front of Bella. Never again. I will continue, as I always have. I allow my manger to make decisions based on reputable information to advance my career. I will actively seek acting opportunities based on _my_ desire, _my_ ability and _my_ need to be fulfilled in my working life. I will not play the Hollywood game Rose. I'm not a puppet. I'm not an accessory for you to use to enhance _your_ personal profile. I will not be manipulated for someone else's gain, not willingly."

I didn't need to open my eyes to tell she was fuming. I heard the latch on the door and she was gone. _At least she didn't slam the door._

I sat, pulling angrily at my hair, trying to calm myself. _This is so fucked up._

I looked at my iPhone on the table and pushed the home button; there was a voice message.

_Bella! _

~~Bella~~

I pulled into a parking bay at the front of the Forks Police Station. I'd already stopped in town to buy groceries, because on my previous visits, Charlie practically lived on pizza, beer and dinners at the diner. I wanted to cook him a meal, and re-connect with him. I hadn't stayed with him since I was eighteen, five years ago - the longest stretch of time between visits, ever.

Light misty rain fell, but it wasn't cold. I locked the car and walked slowly up the stairs and inside.

_Everything looks exactly the same. _

I was standing just inside the doorway when a tall officer, with short dark hair and a very cheeky smirk walked behind the counter. He was holding a steaming mug in one hand and a bundle of folders in the other.

"Hello, can I help you?" His tone was pleasant enough, but he was seriously checking me out. I almost laughed out loud. I could only imagine how ragged and disheveled I looked, remembering the knotted and frizzed state of my hair.

"Hello, I'd like to see Charlie Swan please." I stepped forward to the counter, and read the embroidered name on the breast of his uniform - J. BLACK.

"The Chief is really busy right now," he said authoritatively. He gestured with his head towards my dad's office in the back. I could make him out through the old horizontal venetian blinds that were a little askew. His back was to his desk and he was on the phone, his legs propped up against the windowsill.

"I can assist you with whatever you need," said the officer. He looked toward my chest. His innuendo was not lost on me, but I couldn't help smiling. He was young, he was cute, but he obviously had no idea he was talking to his boss's daughter. I thought his flirting was pretty unprofessional considering he was an officer of the law.

"No, that's OK; I'll wait for Chief Swan."

"Are you from England?" he enquired, leaning forward slightly, a puzzled look on his face. He had obviously picked up on my accent, but he was way off on the geography of its origin.

I smiled. _This may be fun. _

"No, I'm from Australia. I'm Bella."

He contemplated and then his face turned puce and he straightened his stance and coughed.

"Um, Bella..._Swan_?" _Yep, he's mortified._

"Yes, and you are?"

"Officer Jared Black. I'm sure the Chief won't be long. I'll let him know you're here when he's off the phone."

"Thanks Jared. I'll just wait here," I said and turned and sat on the little seventies wooden framed sofa. There was a pile of old magazines on the table. I flicked through, sucking in a painful breath as the second on the pile had a picture of Edward on the cover.

It was nearly twelve months old and he looked younger, but it was obvious that the photograph was airbrushed. I internally laughed. Why would anyone feel the need to fuck around and manipulate his skin? His beauty was obvious but the picture had nothing on what he looked like in real life. Edward's pose was pretty contrived, and he looked uncomfortable. I couldn't help but think back to Angela's glorious photo of Edward on stage. Then I closed my eyes and I remembered how Edward looked at Laurent's; how he had been so comfortable and happy while he played the guitar.

I heard Jared cough.

"Excuse me, Bella? The Chief is off the phone, do you want to go in?"

"Yes!" I was suddenly very excited. I dropped the magazine on top of the pile. Jared held open a little swing door at the end of the counter and knocked on Charlie's office door.

"Chief, you have a visitor," he called as he opened the door. I walked by Jared and stood beaming as Charlie slowly looked up from what he was reading. His surprised reaction was priceless.

"Bells!" He jumped around his desk and scooped me up in a fatherly hug, a hug that I had missed so much, easily lifting me clean off my feet and squeezing me too tightly as he spun me around.

"Hi dad, surprise!"

"When did you get here, and why didn't you tell me you were coming?" He placed me down on my feet then his face fell. "Is something wrong? Has something happened?"

"Chief, I'll be out front," said Jared meekly. I heard the door close behind him.

"No, dad, everything is fine." _Just a little white lie_. "I missed you and you said you couldn't get away, so I thought I'd come and see you." _God, it's not like I can just blurt out that I'm in love with Edward Cullen and he's dating a supermodel actress and I can't deal so I needed to get the hell out of Vancouver. How pathetic._

"You should have told me Bells, I haven't set up your room. I don't have any food in the house and it's in a bit of a mess, so-"

I cut him off. "Dad it's fine. I already stopped by the store and bought some things for dinner. I can set up my room and clean before you get home; really, I don't mind. I've been so spoiled in that hotel, it will be nice to make myself useful."

"I can't believe you're here. I have so much to tell you, to catch up on. I wish I could leave now, but I still have some things to do. If I'd known... "

"I'm staying for the weekend; we'll have lots of time to catch up. If you give me the key I'll go and settle in then we can have dinner and talk tonight. I've missed you."

He grabbed me in a hug again. "My little girl is all grown up." He sounded sad.

"Dad, I..."

"Now, now, just ignore me being all sentimental. I'll get the key." He released me from our hug and walked behind his desk. Pulling out his keychain, he unhooked a single key from the collection and handed it to me. "I'll try and get away early."

"OK," I smiled. "You're looking good. You look...I dunno, _different_ somehow?"

He smirked at me. "I am different Bella. We have so much to talk about. I'll see you at about four."

"OK, see you then." I stood on tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. "Love you," I smiled as I walked out, remembering how he used to get coy when I said such things.

I continued out and through the swing door, passed the counter and glanced at Jared. "Nice to meet you."

"You too Bella, I hope you enjoy your visit." He sounded like a professional officer now. His clipped tone had taken on an authoritative edge.

I laughed. "I will! Bye Jared."

~~Edward~~

The flight had been bearable, so far, and only because I had been listening to Bella's Aussie playlist and because I insisted on being seated as far away from Rosalie as was physically possible. That wouldn't last for long though. I knew as soon as we landed we'd be whisked off in a shared car to meet with Heidi to go over our schedule. _Rose can go to hell, there's no way I'm going to some bratty socialite's party so she can be 'seen' with me._

_Four days with her. Four days of purgatory, trying to be civil. This is going to be harder than any acting job._

My mind kept hearing Bella's voice. I needed to hear her message again. I got up from my seat and went into the restroom, switched my iPhone out of Airplane Mode and I dialed into my saved voice messages:

_'Hey Edward. I'm sorry I didn't call you back last night. Forgive me? I hope you got my note? Um, so I'm away from the hotel for a while. I just wanted you to know that...you can trust me. I'm not going to say anything; you don't have to pretend with me. I'm so glad we're still friends, right? I mean you said things won't change, you're not the type of guy that ditches your friends when you start...um, you know, seeing someone? Anyway, I'd say have a great time, but that probably goes without saying. Bye.'_

I closed my eyes. Her voice sounded light, happy. The only time it faltered was in the middle of the message '..._you can trust me. I'm not going to say anything; you don't have to pretend, with me.' _Just there, her voice was quieter, softer. _She sounds hurt, thinking I've lied to her, thinking that, all this time, I've been with Rosalie. _

It made me nauseous that she had interpreted my words about our friendship not changing in relation to Rosalie, when what I really meant was that I wanted to be _her_ lover, _her_ best friend, _her_ _everything_. I wanted it all to be with her; I was her soul mate.

I remembered back to the night I told her that I don't get involved with people I work with. I told her because I didn't want her to assume what everyone else in the world did, that Rosalie and me were an item. My relationship was Rosalie was a working one. The fact that the media wanted to allude to an off-screen romance was beyond my control. In Hollywood, all publicity is considered good publicity. Having a pseudo romance was good business, it kept the focus on the film, kept us on magazine covers, had people talking, building up to guaranteed box office records. Even now, this whole trip to promote the DVD release of our last movie was all about increasing sales, lining the studio execs pockets with greenbacks.

I could protest all I liked, but really I was just as much a part of it as Rosalie or Royce or any of them. I'd chosen this career with my eyes open. I had only started to question the ethics, or lack thereof, after seeing Tanya play the game. It was even more prominent now when I compared this part of my fucked up existence with Bella's genuineness.

_Bella thinks I'm going to have a 'great time' with Rosalie over the next four days. That couldn't be further from the truth_.

The seat-belt sign illuminated with a ding. The pilot announced we were descending into LAX. I reluctantly switched off my phone and put it in my pocket before walking back to my seat.

During our descent I closed my eyes and took in some deep breaths. I could only imagine the number of paparazzi waiting to photograph us when we got through to the terminal; especially if Royce King had anything to do with the flight change. I would do what I always did. Look straight ahead, walk around them, not look into their lenses if I could help it. Smile only at the fans that'd been waiting to see me.

I needed to be focused. I had a job to do. I couldn't let my feelings for Bella, or my anger at Rosalie, seep into my working day.

After sitting stationary on the tarmac for what seemed like an eternity, we finally taxied in and exited the plane.

Emmett led me through to baggage claim.

"Edward, the cars are out waiting by gate fifteen. We'll make a run for it as soon as your bag comes through, OK?" stated Emmett, in his assertive professional voice.

"Cars?" I inquired.

"Yes, Rosalie asked for a separate car this time. I'll be riding with you to the hotel," he explained.

_Thank God!_ It would be easy to get along with Rosalie in front of the media and fans, but when it was just us, even with our entourage, she wouldn't hold back, she would be like she always is with me, like she was this morning - demanding, bossy and bitchy.

"Am I not meeting with Heidi?" I queried.

"No man; unless you plan on going to that Hollywood party, you have the night free. You're meeting with Heidi tomorrow."

This is what Emmett's job was really about. Getting me to and from the set each day in Vancouver was a breeze, compared to what he was going to have to endure with me now, and for the next four days; stopping the paps from getting too close, hovering when I signed autographs, being ready to pounce on anyone that touched me inappropriately or who got too excited.

"Emmett, I don't want to stay at the hotel tonight. I want to stay at my condo," I told him.

"Alright, but please don't argue with me about this tomorrow, Ed. John will have my balls if he finds out you're not staying there, you'll need to be at the hotel tomorrow night. OK?"

"Sure, I'll be there tomorrow," I reluctantly agreed.

As we waited for the bags I noticed some women staring and giggling. Then I caught sight of Rosalie; she was staring at someone too. I looked across to see she was staring at Emmett.

He was oblivious, of course, as he spotted our bags and easily grabbed both. _I hope she's not going to keep on at me about firing him. _

Then I spotted Felix, hauling Rosalie's large Louis Vuitton suitcase in one fluid motion. I locked eyes with her and she smiled sweetly at me. _So infuriating! _

Emmett led me through the terminal and guided me out. The flashes started; the shouts for me to look. I'd never felt so utterly void in a long time.

Focusing on seeing my mom, dad, Alice and Jasper got me through the ordeal and into the car.

As soon as the car started moving I turned my phone on and dialed Bella's number. I almost wanted to throw the fucking thing when I realized she still had hers switched off.

I called Alice.

"Edward, have you spoken to Bella yet?"

"No, she left me a message. Alice, I've just landed. There was a change of flights."

"You're here? Do mom and dad know?" She sounded excited.

"No, I wanted to surprise them. I don't suppose they'd mind if I just show up for dinner tonight?"

"Of course they wouldn't, Edward. Jazz and I can be there at seven."

"Alice, you haven't told them about Bella, have you?" I wasn't surprised by her silence.

"_Alice_!"

"I'm sorry. You were going to tell her how you felt. I was sure that she'd feel the same. I should have waited. I'm so sorry Edward, I really am." I couldn't blame Alice. It was my hesitation that had fucked up the situation. I wanted to talk about what Jasper had told me last night, but I knew he'd kill me if I said anything.

"Do they know of the misunderstanding?" I asked.

"No, they assume you're together."

"Well, Alice, you better set them straight before I get there, OK? I don't want mom planning a wedding at this point," I laughed, but it was a shallow unhappy one.

"OK, I will. We'll work it out Edward; it'll be fine, you'll see. You just need patience."

"Patience, and the whole bottle of dad's Dewar's. See you all at seven."

~~Bella~~

I cleaned the entire house within an hour. The only room I didn't touch was my room. Everywhere else in the house was tidy and vacuumed. I walked up the stairs to the linen closet, pulled out some sheets but they were musty smelling, so I went back down to the laundry and placed a load on.

When I finally did walk back up the stairs, vacuum cleaner in hand, I was awash with emotions.

This had been my room since I was a child. Back then I thought it was big, huge even. Coming to Forks was always a novelty, exciting to see my dad, be somewhere familiar yet foreign. Back then, even the fact the house had a staircase was thrilling. I remembered being here over Christmases, the snow, the rain. I looked at the old corkboard, full of pictures and cards I sent dad for birthdays and Father's Day.

I sat on the bed. _It's not that dusty, Charlie must come in sometimes to clean_. I dusted anyway, picking up things and looking at them as I went. I vacuumed under the bed and when I'd finished I took the vacuum back downstairs and sat on the sofa.

I woke with a start some time later. It was 3:23pm. Charlie would be home at four. I stood up, sleepy. I looked outside; the rain was back, heavier than this morning, creating a haze as I looked out the window and down the street.

I placed the sheets in the dryer. I had decided I'd treat dad to one of my specialties, a baked risotto that really only took twenty minutes to make. I prepped the food and left it, and then I took a bottle of wine from the fridge and corked it. I searched the cupboard for a wine glass, eventually finding one buried at the back. The base of the glass was chipped. I couldn't help but smile, as I saw in the same cupboard a little clay teacup that I remembered making at school.

I sat at the kitchen table. I felt like I was on autopilot, lost in some weird parallel universe, the Twilight zone.

It was always so quiet here, eerily so. I looked to the window; it was dark from the rain clouds. I saw my reflection. I looked pitiful. _Oh God. This is exactly how I looked after Riley_. _Pathetic and weak_. _Edward was only ever my friend; it wasn't like with Riley. Edward never fooled me into believing he was in love with me. I can't fall back into that intense depression. I can't, I have to focus on my novel. Life goes on._

I left my wine glass on the table and bounded up the stairs two at a time. I grabbed some clean clothes and my toiletries then jumped into the shower, washed and conditioned my hair. I was out within five minutes. I pulled my old hairdryer from under the vanity. _I hope it still works._

It did, but with a burning dust smell that made my nose crinkle. I didn't bother to spend time straightening my hair; I just got it dry and ran my brush through it. I was dressed and back down to the kitchen in time to hear my dad's cruiser pull up.

I got one of his beers from the fridge and placed it on the table.

"The place looks great Bells! Thanks for cleaning." Charlie gave me a quick hug and cracked open the beer. He took in the sight of my wine glass. He raised his eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"Dad, I've been legally drinking for five years. The legal consumption of alcohol in Australia is eighteen, remember?" I smiled as I recalled the last time I was here. He wouldn't let me drink alcohol. He basically freaked, because I was under his roof and the chief of Police had to make sure his daughter followed the rules; 'no drinking until you're twenty-one', he'd scolded.

"I didn't say anything," he said with a wry smirk.

"You didn't have to, you gave me that look," I laughed.

"What look?" He questioned, innocently.

"You know, the fatherly look of concern..."

"Bells, I just can't believe your twenty-three now. It seems like only yesterday you were learning to ride your bike in the street and remember that time you nearly fell out of the boat!" he chuckled.

"Don't remind me." I took a sip of wine and then walked over to sit down.

"So dad. Is there something you want to tell me?"

He sighed and took a very long pull on his can of Rainer.

I'd suspected, when I saw him earlier in the day that something had changed. Something about him was different. He seemed happier. I mean he was always happy around me, but even though I hadn't seen him since I was eighteen, I immediately noticed that he seemed just a little more—what was the word—_vibrant_.

I'd put to and two together when I'd noticed two toothbrushes in the bathroom...and one was pink!

"Well, Bells, yes, in fact. I have been seeing someone." He was staring at me, trying to gauge my reaction. I waited, hoping he would continue.

"A woman." He looked away then nervously started fingering the lip of his beer can.

"It's pretty serious, Bells. I mean...what I want to say is, that I've asked her to move in with me, here."

I silently stood up and smirked when I noticed his panicked look. I stepped toward him to wrap my arms around his waist. "Dad, I think that's so great! You deserve to find happiness. I always hoped you would."

He hugged me back, and sighed with relief.

I released him and sat back down. "So, what's her name, where did you meet her? I need to know...everything!"

He looked a little sheepish then he took another swig of beer.

"Her name is Lainey. Elaine Yorkie. She's a divorcee too. I've known her for years; she has a son your age. We've been, um, kinda dating for almost six months."

"I think that's great. I can't wait to meet her!"

"I'm actually supposed to go to Elaine's house for dinner on Saturday night. Her son Eric will be visiting from Seattle and, well, we were going to tell him that she wants to move in with me here. I mean it's pointless having two places. You should come along; meet her and Eric, then. I've told her all about you." He gulped the last of his beer and was instantly up and in the fridge to crack open another one.

"We haven't talked about marriage yet, but I'd be willing, if she wants to."

I'd never in my life been able to recall my dad blushing. But there it was, my dad, suave Charlie Swan blushing when he talked about Elaine Yorkie and being 'willing' to get married.

After all these years of him being just Charlie, alone, I couldn't help but smile with glee. I could tell he was happy, I could see it in his eyes.

I closed mine. Edward's intense green eyes flashed back to me. He had that same piercing, blissful look of love, when I'd told him I was happy for him and Rosalie. My stomach lurched.

_Edward is in love with Rosalie._

"Bella?" Charlie's voice broke through the aching pain and the pulsing sweep of acceptance rising through my body like a wave.

Tears were streaming down my face and Charlie looked aghast. "No, dad, I'm really so happy for you!" I sobbed.

_They're in love. Edward has someone to love him, to spend his life with._

I felt my Charlie gather me in his arms. "Bella, are you sure, I mean, I just—"

"Dad, please ignore me. I'm just so happy to finally be here and to see you're so happy; it's made me, a bit emotional. I can't wait to meet her!" I sniffled.

He rubbed my back slowly.

I was happy for my dad. I should feel the same happiness for Edward. I should. But all I could feel was pain and loss.

"We can get take-out, if you don't feel like cooking Bella." His voice was soft and reassuring.

"No, I've already started, it won't take long."

"Are you sure there's nothing else you want to tell me, Bells?"

_I should tell him about Edward, and my stupidity, but I don't want my first night back in Forks to be about me and my deluded mind._ Poor Charlie had put up with that shit from me since I was fourteen, since I developed my insanely idiotic crush on Riley. This is like déjà vu; me falling for the popular boy who wasn't interested. Same old same old. I didn't want my dad thinking I was still living in a fantasy world.

"I'm sorry. I'm exhausted from the trip and overwhelmed at being home finally." I watched as a small proud smile twitched at his lips, no doubt from my reference to this house being my home.

"So, let me show you how to make risotto; you can cook it for Elaine when she moves in!"

I wiped at my tears and dragged him to the stove. There would be time enough over the weekend to talk to him about my pathetic personal life, but tonight, I just wanted to spend time with my dad and hear more about his new love, and maybe my future step-mum - Elaine Yorkie.

I was genuinely happy for my dad. I hoped I could find a way to be as happy for Edward.

~0~

**A/N: Sorry for the tease team Jacob fans...but Jake (the cat) is already in my story. Bella loves him, and he is in Sydney and being looked after by Jessica (if only he had some dialogue)! lol**

**My praise goes to my wonderful beta CandyTwi, who just won Fictionista's Editor of the Month (July) W00T W00T, and to the lovely LadyZoe, who still picks up on my Aussie sayings and edits them out of Edward's speech! Thank you :)**

**So, has everyone read **_**Ellipsis**_** yet? It's a flashback Chapter to **_**Episode**_** and recounts Bella and Riley's first date. If you haven't, you may want to read it before the next chapter posts…may just give you a little more visual understanding of where Bella's head is at (or what she can't help but compare Edward to). You can read it on Fanfiction **

**www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/6088589/1/Ellipsis**

**or TWCS**

**www (dot) twcslibrary (dot) com/viewstory (dot) php?sid=2755**

**and I'll be posting to Twilighted soon.**

**So, how are we all dealing with the slow burn – last chapter got more reviews than any previous chapter so, I take it some of you are a little 'upset' with me and others are eager for these two to hurry up already and bloody get it on?**

**Please let me know, your reviews make me smile. Luv BBxx**


	19. Hyphen

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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****A/N: If you haven't already, you may want to read **_**Ellipsis**_

**www . fanfiction . net/s/6088589/1/Ellipsis **

**my flashback chapter that recalls Bella and Riley's first date or take a look at the banner for **_**Ellipsis**_** - ****the link is in my Profile: **

**www . fanfiction . net/~boydblog **

**it ****will give you the visuals to the photographs Bella describes in this Chapter. – BBxx**

~0~

~~Edward~~

Emmett did a sweep of my condo before he left. I protested, but he told me to just let him do his job, so I kept my mouth shut after that. He also told me he'd be back at 6:40pm to drive me to my parent's house. I was his responsibility, even though as far as I was concerned I was at home.

The cleaning service I employed came every Wednesday, so my home felt fresh and clean. I walked into my bedroom. _How fucking luxurious to be able to sleep in my own bed, even if it's only for one night!_

I thought of Bella. I tried to imagine what she'd be doing. There wasn't much to do in Forks. _She's probably just hanging out with Chief Swan. Maybe writing?_

I could call her house. Charlie Swan's number surely would be in the directory. I could call and speak to her, tell her she had misunderstood what she'd seen with me and Rosalie. But then, I wouldn't be able to see her face when I told her that I was in love with her. I wouldn't be able to hold her, to kiss her. Telling her over the phone wasn't an option.

I took a shower and rummaged through my closet for jeans and a T-shirt. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and checked my email. The junket schedule was in my inbox.

My meeting with Heidi would be in the hotel tomorrow at nine. We'd then be driven to a location for Rosalie and I to do a half-day photo shoot for Vanity Fair. Then back to the hotel for back-to-back interviews then the pre-taping of a television show.

Saturday's schedule was much of the same; although that's the day I had a meeting with Liam Berty about his new film. I thought back to how excited Bella was when I asked her to help me with the script; but we probably never would have gotten to it. If Rosalie hadn't barged in, I would have told Bella how I felt, and then, I knew all I would have wanted to do was to hold and kiss her, and...oh god, I would have wanted to make love to her..._Fuck_! I moaned and tugged my hair in frustration. The thought of being with Bella was all consuming.

I _had_ been excited about the opportunity of working with Liam Berty. But now, when I thought about signing on to another movie, it made me feel sick; it would mean that I'd be away from Bella.

Saturday night would be torture; that was the evening of the official DVD launch party. Media, fans, celebrities, studio execs; a big fucking glam ego trip for the marketing and publicity teams, the distributors, all grabbing the final squeeze of official money they could get from our last film. Rosalie would be on form. I knew she would use this party as a way to create publicity for herself, under instruction from her douchebag manager, Royce King.

Sunday morning we'd fly to New York for more television appearances and another photo shoot. We were expected to attend the red carpet premiere of another movie released by our studio and yet another after party.

I reluctantly printed out the schedule and the script that I hadn't even bothered to really look at then snapped the lid on my laptop closed and grabbed another beer. All I really wanted to do was sit in the VIP bar with Bella. _But even if she comes back to the hotel after this weekend, I won't be back in Vancouver until Tuesday morning. Would she be back by then? _The thought of having to wait for her there was making me feel sick.

I spent the next two hours reading the script and taking notes. The character intrigued me, unlike any other character I'd played before. The film was adapted from a novel. I thought I should also read the book, and I made a mental note to get a copy to read on the plane to New York. That is if Liam Berty seemed interested in me taking the lead.

The character would be relatively easy to portray. He was a privileged college grad that meets an ordinary girl from a poor neighborhood. He falls in love with her; she initially rejects him and then realizes that she can't be without him. There's romance, sex, angst, tragedy, everything you would expect in a Hollywood movie. The twist was ironic, the dialogue well written. I could visualize how I'd portray the lead. Then I started thinking about who they would cast for the lead female role, the love interest. The description of her was playing on my mind; she was supposed to be shy, reserved, yet beautiful and intelligent, fierce in her opinions, a victim of circumstance. I couldn't help but sit in a daze and think of Bella.

Then I heard my intercom.

_Emmett_.

"Let me in the parking garage, Ed. There's a couple of leeches loitering!" I depressed the button to allow Emmett access. I internally laughed at Emmett's pet name for the paparazzi.

It was time to go to my parents' house.

~0~

"Edward!" Alice jumped into my arms as soon as I was out of the car. I lifted her petite frame and hugged her tightly. I'd seen her four weeks ago. I knew her embrace wasn't because she missed me; it was her way of telling me she would be there for me.

I wanted to tell Alice I understood; instead, I simply placed her back on her feet and smiled ruefully at her. I couldn't reveal what Jasper had told me, I was hoping she would maybe pick that up herself. We'd always been extremely close, even though we had that type of love/hate relationship all brothers and sisters have. In my youth I used to resent the fact that she had this 'gift', especially when Alice would offer her opinions on everything from what career direction I should take to what girl I shouldn't date.

I'd been a stubborn asshole sometimes. Now that I look back, all of Alice's warnings should have been heeded. Lauren Mallory - big mistake. Tanya Denali - another mistake, although Tanya taught me a huge lesson. If I hadn't witnessed the completely horrid way she treated some people, maybe I'd have turned into one of those egotistical douchebags that thought they sparkled in the sunlight...

Alice encouraged me to pursue my music rather than take on acting. _Would I have met Bella if I wasn't an actor?_ My brain hurt just thinking about it.

"I missed you." I said.

"How are you, really?" Her brow furrowed with concern.

"I'm OK. Well, I'm not OK, I should say that I'm looking forward to when I see Bella and tell her how I feel, properly, without anyone distracting us."

I heard Emmett cough. "Ed, I'm going to walk the perimeter of the house, just to make sure there aren't any crazies lurking, OK?"

I acknowledged him with a nod of my head and he sauntered off through the garden.

I looked back at Alice. "So, what did you tell mom and dad, about Bella I mean?"

She sighed. "I just told them that you'd met her, that you know she is the one. I said there was a slight misunderstanding but you were going to clear it up as soon as you got back to Vancouver, and that everything is bound to work out."

"You sound more confident than I feel." I mumbled.

"Edward, have I _ever_ been wrong before?" she playfully grabbed my arm as she started pulling me to the front door."

"Point taken Alice."

We went inside and all the tension left my body. I loved this house. Mom had made it a warm inviting family home. Her style, her eclectic taste was all around. I knew my mom loved our home in Forks, but she thrived in this house. She was happier here than I'd ever seen before. Not that she'd ever been unhappy, but this house was what she always dreamed about and she poured her heart and sole into its renovation, right down to the painstaking restoration of the intricate cornices and the original fireplaces.

Everyone, including Jasper, was in the kitchen.

"Edward's here!" squeaked Alice as she dragged me through the door.

Mom was the first to embrace me. "Edward, I'm so happy you're here," she sighed, then kissed my cheek and released me.

Jasper smiled at me and slapped me on the back.

Dad gave me an awkward man-hug that went on longer than was really necessary.

All eyes were on me. I could see it in all their faces; they were wary of what to say to me. I had to break this tension immediately. It was pointless not including them in this. It was destined that this day would come, since I was sixteen and Alice had 'seen' an impression of Bella in her dream.

"It's her, it's Bella. I have no doubt. I'm already in love with her. I'm not sure how she feels about me yet, well no, I mean, I think she feels something for me. I just, well, I need to talk to her. I need to tell her how I feel and then hopefully she'll feel the same." I closed my eyes. The thought of her not feeling the same made me sick with dread.

Mom broke the deathly silence. "Of course she'll feel the same Edward. What's not to love? I'm so happy you found her!"

"She found me, actually. I was composing in the VIP bar in the hotel; they have a piano. I had finished the piece, the only thing it didn't have was lyrics. Bella had been in the bar, writing. She heard me play the song and the next night she handed me the perfect lyrics," I recollected.

"She was embarrassed when she handed them to me and realized who I was. I mean, she said she was a fan of mine and she got all nervous and...I should have known straight away. When she touched me, I felt it.

"Dad, I think I need a whiskey." He smiled and proceeded to get me one.

"Alice, did you tell them about Bella's connection to Forks?" I asked her.

She shook her head.

Mom looked intrigued while dad handed me a whiskey and sat back down, quietly and patiently sipping his own.

"Bella is Charlie Swan's daughter." And with that statement, I downed my glass in one burning smooth shot.

There was silence all round. Even Jasper didn't comment.

"Police Chief Charlie Swan?" Mom looked confused.

"Yes. Bet you didn't even know he was divorced? Bella's mom took her to Phoenix and then to Australia. Bella had told me it had been arranged that she would live with her dad for a year in Forks. She obviously didn't. Alice dreamt of _Bella_ when we were all sixteen; that was the year she was going to live with Charlie. If she had, I would have met her then." I held my glass ready as dad had already got up to get me a refill.

"So," mom mused. "Bella is the same age as you?"

"Yes, and mom, she's a writer. She's talented, creative, she's just..." _How do I even describe her?_ "She won a writing prize. That's why she's in Vancouver. The prize was a publishing contract and six months in any Commonwealth Country to write her novel. She chose Vancouver to be as close as possible to Charlie."

Everyone was pretty much speechless.

Dad poured me another whiskey. I was suddenly anxious for my family to hear the song.

"I'd really like for you to hear the song; can I play it for you?"

"Yes!" Alice bounded off the kitchen stool and grabbed my arm in a flash. Everyone followed us into the formal living room, where my Steinway took pride of place by the window.

I sat at the piano bench while everyone got comfortable.

"Bella called it _Episode_." I played the song all the way through without singing then I took a gulp of the golden burning alcohol and began.

The whole time I played and sang I was internally singing it to Bella. To the beautiful Australian girl that had completely inverted my world since I met her three weeks ago. It was passionate and intense. When I played the last note, my head swam, overawed by it. _It's perfection. Just like Bella_.

I was drunk on amazement at how perfectly Bella's words went with my music. I wanted_ us_ to be the same, together, forever.

I slowly turned in my seat. Mom and Alice were crying. Dad was smirking at me and Jasper was shaking his head.

~~Bella~~

I woke when I heard my dad's cruiser start and idle for a few minutes, before the slick wet sound of the tires on the driveway faded and the hum of the engine got fainter as he drove to work.

It was Friday, exactly thirty-four hours since I'd seen Edward.

I groggily recalled the dream I'd had that had woken me up at two in the morning.

I was sixteen, awkward, shy and resentful. I'd started my first day at Forks High.

Edward had introduced himself to me when I'd had to sit next to him in the Science lab.

He was beautiful, popular, but he was Edward, _my_ Edward; the Edward Cullen that would sit and chat to me for hours in the bar.

I remembered the distinct attraction in the dream and then I remembered he'd bent to pick up my diary that fell on the floor out of my bag. He'd smiled at me and handed it back, the photographs that I'd tucked inside had fallen out. They were all of Riley.

Edward had asked me if he was my boyfriend back in Australia. I outright lied to him and said yes, embarrassed that I'd been caught carrying numerous photos of a boy that I was obsessed with, but who I hadn't even spoken to since the night he'd kissed me at that party.

Then the dream went blurry, and suddenly Edward was in my bedroom in Forks. We were talking, about some science project we needed to do together when I threw the textbook on the floor and pushed Edward back onto my bed, overcome with lust and longing. He initially looked shocked. Then he asked me what the hell did I think I was doing and didn't I have a boyfriend? I started kissing his neck, slowly unbuttoning his shirt whilst simultaneously doing the same to my shirt. I was breathless and wanting. I asked him to touch me.

My face flamed when he gently took my wrists and politely told me he wasn't interested in me that way. I sat stunned as he bolted from my room looking all flustered and appalled.

I'd woken up with tears in my eyes and an overwhelming urge to suffocate myself with my pillow.

I groaned and rolled onto my back.

_Riley. Edward. Why did I fall in love with people that would never love me back?_

I was contemplating getting up when I had a flash of memory.

_My diaries._

I'd written about Riley every day. My dairies from age fourteen to eighteen were all about Riley; little observations, pictures that I'd stolen or clipped from school newsletters. They had helped me to focus, to channel my psychotic obsession, my teenage lust and confusion. The diaries had been the start of my interest in writing.

_Holy fuck, could they still be here?_

I scrambled off the bed, suddenly wide awake. I slowly pushed the bed towards the door and knelt down.

The last time I'd been here, it was over Christmas. I'd headed back to Sydney in mid January, eager to start my first year of University in early February; even though I'd been thoroughly depressed that I would no longer see Riley at school every day. Jessica told me she'd heard that Riley was enrolled to study painting and sculpture at the University of New South Wales.

I pressed my hands on the floor and then, I remembered. I pushed on the end of one particularly loose floorboard and the other side flipped up enough for me to lift it completely.

_Oh my God._

There they were; four years' worth of my teenage scrawling.

I'd slipped them in an old pillow-case before hiding them here the morning I left Forks to go back to Sydney; five years ago.

I lifted them out.

I held the dusty fabric. _Could I read them_? They were all written before Riley's accident: before I went daily to visit him in the hospital, before he turned up on my doorstep wanting to take me to dinner; before that night we'd had our first date and I'd thrown myself at him.

I lay the diaries on the floor. I instantly recognized the first one and my stomach sank like I was on a Gold Coast rollercoaster.

I opened the first page and there it was; the picture of Riley that had been burned into my mind for years. I opened the other diaries and frantically shook them so that all the pictures I'd collected of Riley fluttered to the floor.

I gathered them up, and crawled back into bed.

The first picture was of the school drama club. There Riley stood in his school blazer. He was fourteen. I didn't know the date the picture was taken, but it was the same year that he'd kissed me at the party.

Then Riley aged fifteen onstage in a school play. I couldn't even remember what the play was because all I could do was stare at him. It was like he was the only person on the stage, and when he wasn't onstage I'd simply close my eyes and visualize him.

I looked at another picture I'd cut from the local newspaper. It was of Riley wearing green and gold. His photo was in the paper because he'd made the quarter finals of the State under 17's tennis championship. I remembered being in the stands of all his local matches and I had even convinced Jessica to trek with me to Paddington to watch his tournaments at White City.

The next photo was taken when one of his paintings had made it into a student art exhibition. I'd been at the Art Gallery on the opening day of the exhibition, standing in front of his work as if it would give me some kind of exclusive window into his soul.

_Riley_. He was popular, athletic and creative, all in equal measure.

I opened one of the dairies and read the first page that fell open.

_Maybe, just maybe I don't really love Riley. It could be that I just idolise him so much, I admire what he does, everyday. There's nothing he isn't afraid to try. Maybe I mistake his energy, the way he inspires me, for love - or should I say lust? Maybe just the thought of being in a relationship and the sexual desire he sparked in me, tricked me into believing its Riley that I want._

My handwriting was rushed, child-like, in cheap blue ink. The lined pages were slightly yellowed. I kept flicking through and reading snippets.

_I saw Riley today outside of the school hall. He was talking to Austin. I kept pretending to read my book. Then I saw Victoria Marshall - she _kissed_ him on the cheek! Why did my stomach go queasy and my breath leave me? I hate what has happened to me. I hate how I have changed since he kissed _me_._

Another page.

_I have discovered the meaning of life. _

_Memory._

_Life is what you make it. _

_It will be full of memories and dreams. _

_They may come true and if they do then still, they will end up being a memory. Yet, I cannot pursue to tell Riley how I feel because when he rejects me it shall be a memory that I will live with all of my life! _

_Maybe it sounds trivial now, but I shall look back upon this theory in a few years and find that it may be true._

I couldn't help but let out an ironic laugh.

Riley is now just a memory for me. Would I have changed anything, if I knew what I would be feeling now? If I knew my time with him would be a short three months. Would I have chosen not to repeat what happened between us?

The thought of never feeling Riley touch me, make love to me, whisper that he loved me; I just couldn't bear it. Even though I knew _now_ that he hadn't loved me, back then it _was_ real. I believed it. I was elated that he was mine and that he wanted me. _That_ would be the memory I held on to.

In six months, Edward would be just a memory... it hurt me now, but in time, I would be able to feel pleasure at having known him, maybe even delight at hearing _Episode_ as I sat in the cinema to watch the movie Edward was filming now.

I slipped the photographs back into the dairies and then the pillowcase. I didn't want to read any more. I didn't need to. I could remember all of those years of yearning for Riley. I could recall with intricate clarity the feelings he sparked in me. I would never forget.

I spent the day in my room with my laptop out. I continued with my story, glad that after the last thirty-six hours, I hadn't slipped back into the mental block that had previously affected my writing.

Occasionally, I'd slip into a daze, thinking about Edward. As soon as I recognized it I would busy myself, go to the bathroom, have a drink or something to eat. I looked at the time on my laptop.

Edward would be on set. Maybe I should send him an email?

No, I should email Jessica!

I opened my mail and found the message she'd sent to me. I hastily typed a response:

**From:** Bella Swan  
**To:** Stanley, Jessica  
**Subject:** RE: Jake

Hi Jess,

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your email. I've been writing up a storm, after a little down time (writers block).

I'm actually in Forks visiting my dad for the weekend. It hasn't changed; in fact everything is pretty much the same since I last visited. My dad still has all the birthday cards I sent him. The furniture is the same, and, surprise, surprise, it's been raining since I got here - usual Forks weather.

What has changed is that my dad is dating! He's like a new man. Love must agree with him, speaking of which...

Jess, I am so happy for you! I remember Austin was always really nice, and cute! I hope it works out for you both. You deserve to be happy. I hope Austin appreciates you for the wonderful person you are.

Don't worry about me or my past with Riley I feel awful for Victoria, losing her dad and then Riley? I'm so surprised he split up with her! I honestly thought they'd be married by now. It hurts to think about him still but at least I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that we were never meant to be in the first place. If only I'd worked that out sooner, but you know the saying, hindsight is a wonderful thing. You know I found all my old diaries from when I was age fourteen. I'd buried them under the floor! They make for some interesting reading!

I'm so sorry; I must have been the most annoyingly frustrating friend. It really was bad, wasn't it? Riley was all I talked about, he consumed my every waking moment. How in the hell did you deal with me? I feel wretched. I know it's probably too little too late, but I'm sorry. I promise I'll never do that again, _**ever**_!

I've met some wonderful people in Vancouver, but not in the romantic sense – even in Canada, the good guys, are already taken. I don't have time for a holiday romance anyway, I mean, I seriously need to get this novel somewhat finished…and it still has a long way to go.

I hope Jake is behaving himself now? It's only really loud noises that freak him out, like thunder and fireworks, so he'll probably do the same disappearing act on New Years. If you don't want to let him out of the balcony, that's OK, he can just wear it. Remember, he smells fear so don't let him walk all over you, metaphorically speaking that is!

I miss you heaps Jess. I miss Sydney. I know I have another five months in Vancouver and I seriously don't know how I'm going to do it. I know, I know, you're rolling your eyes at me. It's not that I don't appreciate this opportunity; it's just that I miss home. I did however meet a wonderful Aussie named Kate. I think she'll become my Vancouver bestie. She's from Adelaide and is about to drop a baby, but she's heaps of fun and she has a supplier of Milo and Tim Tams, so, I'm set!

I called my mum. Yeah, she said her and Phil were going to sail up to the Whitsundays over Christmas and invited me along. I politely declined, that would be hell on the high seas! I was actually planning to spend the New Year here with dad, and then go home. God knows I'll need a good dose of Vitamin D from being here in Forks! I hope you're still happy to mind my place until then?

OK, I promise that I'll send you a postcard from good old Forks and one from Vancouver when I get back there. I'm also going away to a wonderful cabin near a lake! It looks so fantastic! I can't – wait. Just me, a log cabin, nature and water. I won't have internet access there, so I'll email you some pictures when I get back to the hotel.

Miss you heaps Jess. Say hi to Austin from me and give Jakey a scratch under his chin!

Love you,

Bella xxx

I hit send and then mentally face-palmed myself when a dialog box opened saying I couldn't send the message. Charlie didn't have a wireless internet connection

_Crap!_

_I wonder if any of the diners in town have free wifi? _

_I was supposed to email Irina as well, wasn't I?_

I closed my eyes. I was going to tell her to have the copyright signed over to Edward. My devastation at him being with Rosalie set off another train of thought.

I knew Edward well that if I did have the copyright signed over to him, out of the blue, he would surely question why. I didn't want him to know that I had these feelings. I wanted him to think everything was still OK between us.

_He's probably tried to call me_.

I dug my phone out of my bag and switched it on. The battery was nearly dead.

_Damn, I'd better charge it._

I emptied my overnight bag on the bed. My phone charger wasn't there. _I must have left it in the power outlet in my rush to leave the hotel._

_I should call him and just leave a message. _

Before I talked myself out of it I called his number. The phone simply beeped to record the message - he didn't have a greeting...

"Hey Edward, it's Bella. I just wanted to call and say hi. You're probably on set though. Um, I left my phone charger at the hotel and my phone battery is about to die." I paused, unsure of what to say. "I just wanted to let you know I'm visiting my dad in Forks. He doesn't have internet access, so I feel like I've stepped back in time! It may have something to do with the fact I'm sleeping in my old room, which is exactly how I left it. It's pretty bizarre!" I bit my lip. _Fuck! Hang the fuck up! _ "Um, sorry for rambling. I'm sure you're probably really busy, getting ready to fly to LA? OK well, um I'll see you soon. Bye." My phone decided to chirp a warning about the battery life just as I hung up.

I switched it off.

I looked out the window and thought about my diaries. So many years of my life I wallowed and pined for someone I couldn't have. When Riley had been in the accident, I used his recovery as an excuse to spend time with him. The night he took me for dinner should have just been that; a nice meal between friends, a 'thank you' gesture from him to me. Instead I allowed myself to tell him exactly how I felt. I threw myself at him; I tried to _make_ him love me.

_I can't be that girl again. I can't throw myself at anyone, ever again, especially not Edward Cullen. He has a girlfriend, he is in love. I'm not the one he wants._

I looked outside, tracing my finger over the rain droplets that slowly trailed down the cool pane of glass. I remembered a quote from a movie; slightly altered to lift my mood.

_The rain is like a baptism, the new me, determined, a career–focused novelist, Bella Swan. My assault on the world begins now!_

~0~

**A/N: OK, first reviewer that guesses the movie Bella's adapted quote came from will get a very special teaser ;) I'll be showing my age, but slipping back into Bella's 'teenage' mind with her diaries, well, it made me relive mine, if only briefly!**

Several of my one-shot stories have been nominated in the Single Shot Awards! Voting is now open, so go and check out the nominees and vote before August 30.

link to nominees - http : /thesingleshotawards . blogspot . com/p/nominees . html

link to vote - http : /thesingleshotawards . blogspot . com/p/voting . html


	20. Tilde

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I closed my eyes behind my Ray-Bans as Emmett drove me to the hotel.

I'd thought that I would be able to sleep well in my own bed, but last night, all I could think about was Bella.

I'd drank way too much at mom and dad's house, spent most of the night on my guitar, accompanied by Jasper on piano, trying to work out how to play a particular song on Bella's playlist. Later in the evening before driving me back to my condo, Jasper had taken me aside to tell me to snap the fuck out of it and that I couldn't mope and be all emo until Bella had the chance to come to terms with the fact that we were meant to be together.

'_She'll need some time, Edward. You need to be strong enough to able to give her some space.' _he'd said.

He was right.

In exactly thirty minutes the start of this official junket would begin and I'd need to be open and accessible to a myriad of journalists, photographers, assistants, hair and make-up artists and, most of all, Heidi and Rosalie. I needed to be focused.

"Edward, darling!" Heidi air-kissed both my cheeks as she guided me to sit on a low and uncomfortable chaise lounge in one of the private hotel meeting rooms. Emmett nodded to me and closed the door.

"You look a little worse for wear," Heidi smirked at me.

"Hello Heidi. I'd say it was nice to see you, but I've seen the schedule and I'm already exhausted by it." I said flatly.

She laughed loudly. "God you're fucking adorable Edward; you even look sexy when you're _trying_ to be a prick." She tapped the papers on her knee and crossed her ankles. She was wearing an extremely short skirt.

"I have a little something in my purse that will perk you up instantly; just say the word." She raised an eyebrow at me.

I inhaled, feeling my nostrils flare. "No thanks, I don't think the studio would appreciate me being photographed or giving interviews while I'm off my face, do you?" I snapped.

"It was just a _suggestion_, Edward, chill out a little. It's going to be a big day. I need you to be...your normal charming self." she gushed.

The door opened and in walked Rosalie. She looked immaculate, well rested, not at all like she had attended some glamorous Hollywood party.

"Edward. Heidi." She greeted us curtly and sat opposite me. "Can we cut the pleasantries? I just have a few questions and then I'm happy to go."

I took a deep breath.

_Fuck my life._

~0~

Forty minutes later, we arrived at a warehouse. The set designs and props looked familiar. It was like stepping into some sci-fi movie. It wasn't until they started shuffling through the wardrobe that I realized the theme. It was a glamour inspired flashback to the early 80s film, _Blade Runner_. They'd decided to style me like a young Harrison Ford. When Rosalie appeared after two hours in make-up, she was quintessentially the Daryl Hannah 'Pris' pleasure model replicant. My mouth gaped as she walked up to me. Her tight Lycra clothing didn't leave anything to the imagination and the thick black band of make-up across her eyes was downright provocative. She was every bit the young, gorgeous glamour model; and she knew it.

The photographer knew exactly what he wanted. I zoned out as they placed me around the various sets with and without Rose. It was a blur of clothing changes and test shots. Then Rosalie came out in the fourth and final incarnation. She wore a clear PVC trench, high black boots and tiny leather mini-skirt. Her hair was a shock of spiral curls, her make-up made her look years older than her still teen youth. When she turned to face me, I think my jaw dropped. The trench was completely see-through; the only obstructions were two small love hearts in hot pink, stitched strategically over her nipples.

I couldn't help but internally groan. I doubted this sudden switch to being a sex siren was her idea. It was blatantly obvious that this whole deal to sex up her image was staged by her douchebag manager. Rosalie was no saint, but to date her wholesome good looks and her actual talent had got her great roles. Now, she was balancing on a fine line between sex-goddess and mega slut. I was having flashbacks to Tanya, wondering what the hell Rosalie was thinking.

I knew the pictures would be tasteful - it was _Vanity Fair - _but I also knew that a lot of teens looked up to Rosalie. I thought it was premature to go down this road. She was seriously getting really shit career advice**. **I couldn't believe the studio would allow this to happen, but of course it would be about them benefiting somehow, regardless of what it did to Rosalie or anyone else in the process.

_I can't deal with this shit._

Thankfully I didn't have to pose with 'robotic slut' Rosalie. I was having a tough enough time as it was keeping my mouth shut about the whole sorry affair. When we finally finished up, I stole a moment in the dressing room alone. For the first time in weeks, I craved a cigarette. Slow toxic death seemed like a treat when I compared it to the torture of this shoot.

I checked my phone. I had a missed call from Bella, a voice message. _Fuck_!

"Hey Edward, it's Bella. I just wanted to call and say hi. You're probably on set though. Um, I left my phone charger at the hotel and my phone battery is about to die." She paused, sounding apprehensive. "I just wanted to let you know I'm visiting my dad in Forks. He doesn't have Internet access, so I feel like I've stepped back in time! It may have something to do with the fact I'm sleeping in my old room, which is exactly how I left it. It's pretty bizarre!" Her voice was light. It unnerved me. "Um, sorry for rambling. I'm sure you're probably really busy, getting ready to fly to LA? OK well, um I'll see you soon. Bye."

I listened to her voice, and pulled my hair. She didn't even know that I'd come to LA a day early. She sounded kind of normal yet apprehensive about revealing she was in Forks. I dialed her number, but it was switched off; her battery was already dead.

Bella sounded like she always did, as if thinking I was with Rosalie was OK with her. _She honestly thinks that I just want to be her friend. _I couldn't wait any longer. I dialed an operator.

"What name please?"

"Charlie Swan, Freesia Drive, Forks, Washington."

"One moment please," she stated, then after a brief pause, "I'm sorry that number is private. Can I assist you with another number?"

"No, thanks."

_Shit!_ _Of course Charlie Swan's number is private; he's the goddamn chief of Police._

Hearing Bella's voice had tipped me over the edge and my emotions were spiralling out of control. I was a complete wreck.

There was a knock.

"Yes," I responded.

"Edward, we're leaving in ten minutes to go back to the hotel," said Emmett through the closed door.

The rest of the day went quickly. Back-to-back interviews with newspaper and magazine reporters. They were given a maximum of three minutes with me to ask the same inane questions about the film. These were the same questions they asked before the theater premiere of the same film six months ago.

I got through it - just.

Saturday morning saw me on yet another studio photoshoot. It was relatively laid back, I was simply required to pout and look vacant. Rosalie was cool, distant. Then there was yet another round of back-to-back interviews, this time with International media, some with translators. I perked up considerably when I was interviewed by Australian reporters; the now familiar accent made me happy, almost jovial, but as soon as the interviews concluded, my thoughts returned to Bella and what she may be doing.

I listened to her voice message again. _I miss her._

There was a brief stop back at the hotel and then we were off to pre-tape a television talk show. I'd barely had time to breathe; the schedule was exactly what I had feared and my physical exhaustion exaggerated my mental one. _No wonder Heidi offered me drugs again this morning._

Before I knew it a private car came to collect me from the television studios to take me to the Burbank office of Liam Berty. Liam was in his late fifties with greying hair and tired eyes.

"Edward." he shook my hand. "Edward, Edward, Edward. Great to meet you, no this is fucking fantastic, me and you, talking it over, making the future, whad'ya say Edward?" he punched me in the arm a couple of times and led me to a huge shiny leather sofa.

"Thanks for seeing me on a Saturday. I'm sorry this was the only time they could arrange." I said politely, though I guessed that with Liam, as with most industry people, weekends were unheard of; they all worked 24/7.

"No problem. For my stars, _superstars_, Edward, time is of no essence. It's a pity we can't go to dinner, but I understand they keep you on a short leash for these publicity tours," he chuckled. "So they should; gotta strike while you're hot in this damn town!"

I think I nodded inanely.

"The film, Edward, the FILM. Two fucking years of my life, blood, sweat and balls, Edward. It's my baby; it's going to be fucking amazing. _You're_ going to be fucking amazing. Everyone is going to be fucking _amazed_. I assume you've read the script?"

"Yes, but not the book."

"Oh, the book." Liam laughed unpleasantly and did a pretend 'stick the fingers down the throat' gesture.

"I have _no doubt_ that you'll be able to bring this character to life, but it all hinges on the female lead. Screen test OK with you? Just a formality. The camera fucking loves you as we know, fucking eats you up, but it's the chemistry." He snapped his fingers in my face. "The sizzle, Edward, that's when the _big_ bucks come rolling on in. Now, the _girl_, the talent, the tits and ass, the cute and sassy. Hey, just kidding man," He slapped me on the shoulder. "Of course, we're after compatibility and charisma and style" He winked. "I have a shortlist, but it's all up to you Edward, whatever you're comfortable with, gotta be the _right girl _for _you_. Got my first choice written up in this envelope right here." He tapped his jacket pocket. "Just a little bet with myself, no pressure, let the chips fall where they fucking may, right?"

He got up and mixed us both a drink. He didn't ask if I wanted a Manhattan but that's what I seemed to be now holding.

"Now, I hope you're good with traveling Edward, because we may have to shoot the film in Australia. I've spoken to Carmen, your agent; we've worked it all out between us, you don't have to worry about one little detail except being in front of that camera and giving us the goods. After you finish filming in Europe you and your new hot co-star," he patted his jacket pocket again, "will be off to the land Down Under."

My brain pretty much stopped processing as soon as he said Australia. _Bella_.

"Australia?" I queried. "Why there?" I didn't give a fuck why, but I needed to seem at least semi-coherent.

"Fantastic sound stages in Queensland. I did my last movie there. The crews work like bulls and the financial incentives make it look cost effective for the money suits. You'll love it, beautiful place. Surf, nice restaurants, all the girls are babes."

_Filming in Australia_. I downed the drink. I tried to stay calm, but it was no use. Now I wanted this part, bad. It was like some divine intervention, coincidence or fucking destiny.

"Liam, I want this part. I'll spend the next few months getting into character research. I'll do whatever it takes," I asserted.

"Yeah Edward, I can count on you. I can smell the Oscars with this baby!"

He shook my hand, hard. "The role is yours. I'll get you another drink. We can talk about your character some more after we cast the girl."

When I got back to the hotel, I was flying. All I could think about was filming a movie in Australia and being with Bella. _I need to speak to her_. I suddenly thought of my mom.

_Maybe she still has Chief Swan's number?_

I called her cell; it went to voice mail.

"Mom, it's me. I need to know if you still have the private phone number for Charlie Swan? I have to speak to Bella. Call me back?"

I was exhausted, but my day wasn't over. I unzipped the garment bag that was hanging on the back of my suite's bedroom door. It was a perfectly tailored grey Armani suit, latest design, spectacular. I fingered the cool smooth Italian made fabric. I reflected on how much had changed for me over the last two years. I'd gone from wearing plaid and store bought Levi's, to wearing a suit that probably cost in excess of twenty-thousand dollars.

If this was the suit they'd given me to wear for the night, I could only imagine what Rosalie would show up in. I made a mental bet with myself. _It will be either sheer or short or both and will definitely accentuate her cleavage._

I showered, dressed, obsessed about mom calling me back with Charlie Swan's number. Before I knew it we were at the venue for the DVD launch party.

It was a blur, meeting industry bigwigs, producers, advertising and marketing gurus. They were all the same fake and image conscious people I always met. I was polite, I appeared engrossed when they went on and on about their successes in the industry, their achievements. It was one huge ego trip. I absorbed it, commented when a reaction was warranted, but really, I didn't need to say a thing. They could talk for hours without a breath, and rarely asked you anything unless it was in direct relation to themselves and what I could do for them.

The reprieve for the evening was an embarrassingly short meet and greet with four female fans that had won a competition. Rosalie had disappeared, no doubt checking her makeup. I chatted to them; they were adoring of me and eager to ask questions about the new film. These fans were the reason I'd gotten so far ahead in this industry in such a short time. Their loyalty was voracious, and all it took to make them ecstatic was a few pictures, a couple of autographs. Edward Cullen the celebrity actor. I played the part better than any character, because I was just being myself. I loved giving them what they wanted, being open and focused on them; it just about made the whole junket worthwhile.

The contrast between the industry people and these ordinary fans was so vast that when I broke it down in my head I was in a mild shock.

_Hollywood is a mirage, smoke and mirrors, deception and falsehoods._

The fans were real people, genuine, unaffected – like Bella. They were in awe of me, but I was just - me. They only knew me through the characters I portrayed and the reportage of me through the media.

"You're just so nice!" _Did she think I'd be an asshole?_

"You're so tall!" OK, I got that a lot, it was hard to get perspective from watching films and seeing printed photos.

They seemed to be almost dazzled by me. I could see that by meeting me face to face, their perceptions were being challenged. It perplexed me.

_Is that why I feel so calm and grounded when I'm sitting with Bella in the bar? She just treats me like I'm a regular guy, no big deal._

_God, why in the hell, _how_ in the hell could I expose her to this industry?_

The paps would follow her, the media would report every detail about her life, dredge up everything in her past. She wouldn't have any of the freedom she now takes for granted. She'd have to give that all up to be with me.

_Am I worth it? No! I'd have to shield her from it, for as long as possible._

I chatted to the fans for as long as I was allowed; Heidi's assistant whisked them away and straight towards Rosalie, whose scowl was replaced with a forced smile as she was introduced to them. _God, I hope she plays the 'nice' Rosalie, and isn't condescending to them in any way. I won't hold my breath._

I looked at my phone. Mom hadn't returned my call. Desperate, I tried calling her again. It rang four times before her voice mail clicked on. I sent a text to my dad.

_**Dad, is mom with you? Can you ask her to check her messages I need to talk to her.**_

I went to the men's room; the shiny black tiles made me feel like I was in a cavernous nightclub. I looked at myself in the mirror then closed my eyes. I felt frustrated and nauseous. All I wanted was to be sitting next to Bella in Laurent's, sipping a whiskey, our thighs touching. I stood with my hands braced on sleek black basin, imagining Bella's lips as she sipped wine from her glass, her eyes as she watched me play the guitar, her cheeks flushing pink when I kissed her cheek.

_Fuck. Fuck, Fuck._

I was shocked out of my recollections when the door opened and someone walked in to use the urinal.

I walked back to the party. _More people to talk to_. My phone started to vibrate. _Mom._

"Excuse me please, I'm so sorry, I have to take this."

I answered.

"Edward, is something wrong? I'm out to dinner with your father; my phone is at home in my other handbag."

"Mom, I need Charlie Swan's number. His private home number, it's not listed and I was hoping you still have it, from when he used to help you with the charity work in Forks." I held my breath as I waited, trying not to get my hopes up.

"Well, yes, I think it would still be in my address book at home. I'll call you tomorrow with it. I assume you want to call and speak to Bella?" she sounded excited.

"Mom, can you call me back with the number when you get home? I can't wait until tomorrow, I have to speak with her tonight."

"I won't be home for another two hours, it may be too late to call her then."

"Mom please, I'm going insane. I need to speak to her."

"OK," she sighed. "I'll call you with the number when I find it. I'm not even sure where my old address book is, I'll have to look for it."

"Thanks mom, I really appreciate it."

"Have fun at the party Edward."

I slipped my phone in my pocket and walked back to continue the round of conversations. This time my smiles were genuine.

_I will call Charlie Swan's house. I will talk to Bella tonight and tell her that she misunderstood. I will tell her that I'm not with Rosalie._

I felt a hand on my waist. I turned to see what Heidi wanted when I came face to face with the last person I expected to see. Tanya.

**~~Bella~~ **

Elaine Yorkie's house was much like my dad's, but a little more run-down. The car in the driveway was a sporty Mini Cooper, vibrant canary yellow.

Charlie seemed nervous as we got out of the car and walked up the stairs. The door opened and there stood Elaine. She had medium length brown hair. She was just slightly taller than me, she looked about Charlie's age and she was pretty, a little make-up, light blue eyes, casually dressed and wearing a cute frilly apron.

"Hi Bella, I'm so glad to finally meet you!" she ushered us in, smiling widely at Charlie. He tentatively put his hand on her waist.

"Hi Elaine, it's great to meet you too."

"Quick, come into the kitchen. I've left Eric looking after the dinner. God knows what disaster will ensue in three minutes!" she smiled.

"I'm glad you already have something in common with Eric, dad!" I teased. Elaine laughed.

I followed Elaine into the kitchen and was greeted by a lanky, immaculately dressed Eric Yorkie. His hair was black, and swept across his forehead in a funky style. He had almost luminescent white teeth and soft warm hands, as he eagerly shook mine and then Charlie's.

"Hi Isabella, Chief Swan." he nodded and grinned.

"Um, just Bella, Eric. I only used to be called Isabella when I'd been caught doing something naughty, right dad?" I looked at Charlie.

"Yeah, real funny Bells," he smirked. "So Eric, how's the big city been treating you?" inquired Charlie, as Eric handed my dad a beer.

"Can't complain, Chief," he shrugged, but I caught a slightly mischievous grin.

I looked at Elaine and Charlie, they seemed anxious. Maybe they were nervous that Eric and I wouldn't get along? I thought I better put them at ease. Eric seemed lovely.

"Um, hey Eric. Dad said you have wireless Internet here?"

"Yep, we sure do. I can't be like offline for even a minute." he smiled.

"Thank God! I was hoping I could check my email? My techno-phobe father doesn't have an Internet connection at our place. I'm going insane!"

Eric laughed, and motioned towards my dad and Elaine. "Well, that will have to be corrected if you guys move in together! Or I won't be visiting often!" he laughed and my dad and Elaine both looked flustered.

"Oh come on mom, I'm not five anymore. That's why you got Bella and me here at the same time, right? You guys want to shack-up? I get it, it's cool with me." Eric grabbed my hand and started walking me to the living room. "We better leave these _love-birds_ alone for a while, you know, so they can suck each others faces off!"

"Eric!" Elaine bellowed, but she was laughing. My dad's face was pale. I instantly liked Eric. He was in your face honest and that was so immediately refreshing to me.

We both laughed when we were out of the kitchen.

"You can use my laptop to check your email."

"Thanks; I bought my Mac with me. Do you think you can just like, hook me up to your connection?"

"Sure, we can both be social retards online together; I should really do some things too. No rest in my line of work." he chuckled.

I pulled my Mac out of my bag and handed it to Eric. He typed in the passwords to get me onto the Wi-Fi network.

"What do you do Eric?" I asked as we both sat with our laptops out.

"I'm a writer for _The Stranger_, it's like a free popular culture newspaper," he said as if it was no big deal.

I gaped at him.

"What?" He seemed surprised by my reaction.

"Um, like that's really cool?" I blinked at him, astounded by his nonchalance.

"Well, not really. I work horrendous hours; my editor is a complete douche. It's not as glamorous as it sounds. What about you? Mom says you're staying in Vancouver, you won a travel prize or something?"

"Um sort of." I felt weird. Here's Eric, he gets paid to write. I never thought I had the talent to be a journalist. Writing fictitious stories was more my thing. Living in a fantasy world; the story of my life!

"I wrote a short story. It was submitted to the Commonwealth Writers Prize, and I, won. That's why I'm staying in Vancouver; the prize was six months all expenses paid to live in a Commonwealth Country of my choice; to work on my novel." I could feel my cheeks blushing.

Eric stared at me. "Bella, that's fucking amazing! I'd love to read your work! How fantastic is it that we're both writers? You know, I've been slogging away on the film and theater reviews, a couple of interviews, that type of thing, but what I really want to do is get some of my pieces in the features section. If I can build up my portfolio, it means I can eventually move out of state, go somewhere exciting like California or New York. I'm still really starting out though; it's pretty competitive."

Eric was interrupted by Charlie clearing his throat.

"Dinner's ready kids."

Both Eric and I shot him an annoyed look.

"Dad, cut with the _kids'_ thing please, we're both adults!"

"Oh, yeah, sorry."

We all sat at the dining table.

"Wine, Bella?" Elaine asked and held out the corked bottle over my glass.

"Yes, please Elaine." I purposefully didn't look at my dad.

Both dad and Eric had fresh beers, poured out of the can and into tall glasses.

"I'd like to propose a toast." smiled Elaine. "This is kind of emotional for me, because I'm meeting you Bella for the first time, and well, I mean I hope that we can become friends and you can confide in me, and know that things won't change when I move to your home..." she looked apprehensive.

Dad took over. "What we both want to say," he said as he took Elaine's hand, "is we appreciate you kids–um, sorry, that you both are supportive of our relationship, and that things won't change when Elaine and I are living together. Our home–and I mean that it will be yours too Eric–will always be there for you and we'll both be there should you need anything. We want you both to well..."

Dad was floundering. I stood up.

"I think I speak for both Eric and myself when I say it's obvious that you're both in love, and we're both extremely supportive and happy for you. I only hope that one day I'll find something so wonderful, to share your life with someone, to be able to trust them completely, for them to be the reason you get up in the morning and the reason you can't wait to get to bed at night." I smiled as my dad's face went pink. "I want that for you dad. You've spent so many years of your life being the chief, being my dad, being a man alone. This is your time to be the man that is happy, vibrant and alive and most importantly you can be the man that will share your love and cherish someone. I love you dad, and I don't tell you often enough." I didn't bother wiping away a single tear, as I walked over to bury my face in his chest, as soon as he stood.

"Thanks Bells, that means so much to me." His warm arms surrounded me.

He hesitantly pulled away. Elaine was standing next to him smiling widely, her eyes glistening. I hugged her as well, feeling overwhelmed with emotion. It wasn't just that they were moving in together, it was the tangible intimacy and connection I could see between them. I didn't just see my dad and his new girlfriend; I saw the union between two lovers that was unmistakably loyal and all encompassing.

It was beautiful.

My dad cleared his throat again, embarrassed. He was my dad, he was a man and he'd always been uncomfortable when I had expressed my emotions so openly. He shuffled and kissed Elaine on the cheek.

"Thanks Bells, that's great." he croaked.

"Well, I couldn't have said it quite as emotionally as Bella. Mom, I can see you're happy, and that's everything I want for you." Eric cuddled his mom and then shook my dad's hand.

The tension was gone. These people that surrounded me were already my new family, and I couldn't stop smiling through the entire dinner.

We each took turns asking questions, slowly getting to know each other.

"Well, I'm completely full, shall we wait a while before dessert?" said Elaine, after everyone had finished eating.

"Great idea mom. Bella and I will just, you know, get to know each other some more. We'll be in the living room."

"I'll help clean the dinner away first," I stated, gathering up my cutlery and empty plate.

"No, Bella, Charlie and I'll do that, you and Eric go get to know each other, you'll both be back to your own lives after the weekend, so..."

"Come on Bella, I always ditch cleaning up if I can." he chuckled, as he topped up my wine glass and we walked back into the living room.

"I thought your dad was gonna cry when you made that speech. Hell Bella, _I _nearly cried." he fake sobbed.

I smiled. I was happy for my dad. I reflected how the decisions I'd made in my life were mine. I should be happy for Edward and I should stop wallowing in self pity about what happened with Riley.

I can, I would move on, finish my novel, go back to Australia knowing it'd co-written a wonderful song, and I'd met an inspiring man, one that would affect me for the rest of my life. I could learn so much from Edward Cullen, I could learn to embrace everything that life throws at me, I could take chances, I could talk to people that maybe I would have been too shy around before. _I will use this, whatever it is, pain, disappointment, longing, to be a stronger person._ And I knew my life was enriched with just the _memory_ of Edward and the knowledge that he existed.

I finally logged into my mail and sent the email to Jessica that had been sitting in my outbox. There was an email from Irina, just saying she had received everything. She had agreed to all the terms; that everything was relatively straightforward as I was still a U.S. citizen, and the paperwork would be filed under U.S. Law. All that needed to happen now was for me to sign on the dotted line.

I would be a joint copyright holder to 'Episode'.

My heart started beating rapidly. _I wonder if Edward knows that it's almost a done deal?  
_  
"Ha!" scoffed Eric, as he looked at something on his laptop.

"What is it?"

"Look at this; he always gets the beautiful girls."

"Who?"

"Edward Cullen, that's who."

I felt my stomach clench at the mention of Edward's name. Was it like some trippy new moon or something? A lunar eclipse? Why in the hell would Eric bring up _Edward_?

Eric twisted his laptop around. There was a page of small thumbnail images, watermarked. They were all of Edward...and Rosalie.

My eyes bugged out of my head.

"Where...why do you have these?" I sounded shocked.

"I'm on the email list of all the picture agencies. They send me their photos, so we can buy them for the paper. Look at this; it says these photos were taken two days ago on the set of their new movie. I mean, look at that! How can anyone believe they aren't a real-life couple?"

My heart started pounding, my eyes scanning the various pictures.

"Why do you say that?" I questioned, trying to sound calm. I knew Edward didn't want anyone to know about him and Rosalie; my protective instincts kicked in. "It says that they're on set, it's just a scene they're filming." I said dismissively.

"Oh, that's a scene alright, but look at this," Eric scrolled down the page to show me several shots of Edward and Rosalie walking to a trailer. He was holding the door open for her, smiling as she walked passed him and inside. The next shots were of Rosalie leaving the trailer alone. Her hair was rumpled and she had a very _satisfied_ smirk on her face.

I stared in complete shock.

"Edward was always into busty blonds," stated Eric, "and they were always into him. You can't tell me they were just _talking_ in his trailer, and that's definitely not part of the _scene_," he snorted. "Lucky bastard."

"It sounds as if you know him." I hedged. I didn't feel comfortable telling Eric I'd met Edward. Eric worked in the media, and I knew Edward didn't want us to be seen together.

"Only in high school. Edward went out with Lauren Mallory in school - _she_ was a nasty social climber. You know, corn silk blond hair, cheerleader type. Then when he started out in acting he dated that sitcom actress Tanya something-or-other. She was mighty fine," he coughed. "You know, _nice_ figure. God knows how many other blonds he's had in since those two," he chuckled. I felt dizzy.

"Rumor has it he's meeting with that guru director to star in his new film. That reminds me, I think I have the book."

Eric went to the bookshelf and looked through, grabbing one off the shelf. He handed it to me, "Great book, good story. Edward will nail that character. I should really write a piece about it and run it as soon as he's signed. God, what was that director's name...he did that vampire film..." Eric said enthusiastically. He went back to his laptop and started typing frantically.

I closed my eyes and thought about the pictures I'd just seen. The photos of Edward were taken over Rosalie's shoulder, you could see the look in his eyes as his face moved to kiss her. Even when he _was_ kissing her the look on his face was enigmatic. _Oh god, he really loves her, it's so intense._

My heart broke even more. Rosalie's smile as she exited Edward's trailer. She looked radiant. She looked extremely pleased with herself.

There was no doubt in my mind that Edward and Rosalie had... they would have...

I grabbed my glass of wine and drained it. Eric didn't notice.

"Liam Berty," I stated. "He did that vampire film that won three Oscars."

"Yeah, that's him! Thanks Bella."

I sighed inwardly. _Edward's happy and in love. I need to be happy for him._

"So have you spoken to Edward since school?" I queried, trying to erase the pictures from my consciousness.

"No, we didn't really run in the same social circles. I was a bit of a nerd at school. Edward was like, you know the popular musician type, funny guy."

"Oh." I said, deadpan.

"The only time I had anything to do with him was when we worked on the Yearbook. I think I still have it." Eric stood up and walked back over to the bookshelf. I clenched my eyes closed. _Don't fucking do it, don't look at his Yearbook!_

"God, this is embarrassing, we were sixteen."

My stomach plummeted and I felt light headed. Edward at sixteen; that was the year I was supposed to go to Forks High.

"Even then, Edward was, I suppose you could say _above average_ in the looks department," murmured Eric.

I watched in stunned silence as he flicked through some pages then held the book out to me.

_Don't fucking look, don't do it!_

But, of course I did.

There was Edward, a younger, slimmer version. His hair looked longer yet less messy. His jaw was shockingly cut, even more defined than now. His pale throat was long, in fact his whole face and body seemed elongated, he looked lanky. His smile was a little different, was it his teeth? _He's had dental work? _His eyebrows were unruly, but in a natural way and his clothes were nothing designer. He was dressed like an average sixteen year old; wearing faded black jeans that were a little baggy with a plaid shirt and an ill-fitting suit jacket that kind of looked retro. _Was it his dad's?_

His eyes were crystal clear, and his skin glowed. Edward had beautiful skin now, seven years ago it was almost luminescent. Flawless, not a blemish in sight.

He was more beautiful than any boy I'd ever seen.

"So, what do you think?" Eric questioned.

"Um, I..."

"Well, was I a nerd or what? You can say it you know." He joked.

I looked back at the picture to see Edward was standing next to Eric, and I hadn't even noticed. Edward stood out so brilliantly on the page, nothing else had registered. I simply gaped at a young Eric Yorkie, with his blotchy blemished skin, his shoulders hunched with insecurity, and a painfully shy look on his face. He looked like an ordinary sixteen-year-old boy.

Edward at sixteen was simply in another class, he was just...extraordinarily beautiful, relaxed in himself, relaxed in front of the camera, even in his adolescent awkwardness.

I closed my eyes and pictured him now. Edward was no longer a boy. He was a man, and in my mind he was smiling down at me with a look of complete devotion and love – the love that he felt for his beautiful girlfriend Rosalie.

"Yeah" Eric chuckled. "You know, every girl I show that to has the same reaction. I may as well not even be in the picture."

"Oh, I didn't mean–"

"I'm just kidding Bella," he laughed. "I get it. Girls go fucking hot for the guy, they always have. I'm not jealous anymore. I wouldn't wish his life on anyone."

"His life?"

"Yeah, sure he can get any girl he wants. He's rich, but even before that his parents were always wealthy, so he's never really wanted for anything in his life. The guy seriously doesn't even _need_ to work. You know, he's only had a couple of blockbusters and he's made more money than I will probably make in my whole career. Sounds great, right? But he can't go out in public without girls–women– trying to rip his clothes off; he has to have a bodyguard! I've seen the way Hollywood works. There are a lot of two-faced people. All they care about is money, image and fame. It's shallow, fucking shallow and lame. I would never want to be living that."

"But you write about it?" I stated.

"Yeah, and that's more than enough. I mean, at first I was sucked into the glamour of it, but it's really not that glamorous. Edward goes to Hollywood parties and has people fawn all over him, but surely after being placed on some Hollywood heartthrob pedestal, wouldn't you crack? I saw a YouTube video of him from last year; he was just trying to go to his friends' house without a heap of girls and photographers following. Some lame photographer practically knocked him over, then his friends tried to get him out of there safely and they were getting asked the most ridiculous questions about his personal life." Eric sighed and looked sad. "I bet he misses being an unknown in Forks."

I closed the yearbook and handed it back to him.

"You know, Edward's best friend Ben Cheney stole my girlfriend." Eric lamented.

I bit my tongue. Eric didn't seem to be Angela's type at all. "Oh?" I tried to sound intrigued.

"Well, she wasn't really my girlfriend, but I was seriously into her. I was going to ask her out, then suddenly she was with Ben Cheney and well, I guess because I hesitated I missed out." he sighed.

I kept biting my tongue. I couldn't justify purposefully lying to Eric; after all it was highly likely that he would become my stepbrother! _The song is almost copyrighted; I'll have to tell my family eventually. _But then again, I didn't want Eric to know I knew Edward and inadvertently let it slip about the song just yet. Eric was a writer, if he found out about the song, and me he could write a story on it, and I didn't want to do something that would put Edward in an uncomfortable position.

"I've met Ben's latest girlfriend. She's really nice." I kept it simple, continuing to type on my laptop as if it was no big deal.

"What?" Eric coughed.

"I went to a gig in Vancouver that Ben Cheney played with his band a couple of weeks ago. They were really good. I met his girlfriend, Angela. She was lovely. It was a great gig."

"Angela Weber?" he spluttered.

"Um, yes, that's her."

"Wow, she's still with him then. Um, Angela was the girl that got way." He sighed. "But you know, I've just started dating a girl in Seattle, and well, she's awesome. I wanted to bring her home to meet mom, but she had a family thing this weekend as well."

"How long have you been seeing her?" I was excited that Eric was the one to change the subject away from Ben and Angela.

"We've been working with each other for six months. I finally got the courage to ask her out and we've been together ever since. She's really great. Her name's Samantha."

"I hope I get to meet her, you know, before I go back to Australia. I was planning on coming back to Forks for Thanksgiving. I suppose now it will be a big family thing, you, dad, your mom and me. I think it's kinda cool. I've never seen my dad happier."

"I know, I saw the change in my mom when I came to visit a few months back; it took her thirty minutes before she gushed out how she'd been seeing your dad and that she was _in love._" Eric rolled his eyes.

"Oh, and is there something wrong with that, Eric? Are you not in love with Samantha?" I challenged him.

"Yeah, I guess I am. Bella, I'm a guy. I've gotta be somewhat casual about the whole thing. Us guys can't just, you know, go professing our love and shit. It's not what we do."

I smirked at him and he laughed.

We went back to typing on our laptops.

Maybe Edward was just being a guy too. He's obviously in love with Rosalie, yet he doesn't want anyone to know or it would be reported as just another Hollywood romance.

I thought of the Tom Cruise 'jumping on the couch' incident on Oprah...I just couldn't see Edward doing that. I felt my cheeks go red, just thinking about it, and then my stomach dropped. _He _could_ do that when he's ready to bring his relationship with Rosalie into the open._

But Edward seemed to be a private person. He wouldn't want the whole world to be in on his personal life. Eric was right; who would want everyone knowing who you're dating, where you go for dinner? There would be absolutely no privacy. It would be horrible. _I know I'd hate every minute of it.  
_  
But what about the alternative; being with someone who wouldn't publicly acknowledge their relationship? Riley didn't. _But that's because Riley never loved me._ Of course that didn't count. Riley hid me away because I wasn't the one he planned his life with.

Edward's different; once he and Rosalie are no longer working together, surely he'll shout his love to the world? Edward didn't seem like the typical blokey male Eric was referring to. Or am I so deluded that I just can't see it?

~0~

**A/N: A big warm Thank you to my beta and sounding board CandyTwi and to whomever nominated **_**Episode**_** for a hidden Star award! A big shout out to LisaMichelle17 - you know why : )**

**Come and visit me on the Twilighted forum,**

**www . twilighted . ?f=44&t=9959**

**because I'm lonely and we can all bitch about how horrible Edward's Hollywood life is and how Bella's assumptions are just…well they're just … WRONG!**


	21. Apostrophe

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

_I will call Charlie Swan's house. I will talk to Bella tonight and tell her that she misunderstood. I will tell her that I'm not with Rosalie._

_I felt a hand on my waist. I turned to see what Heidi wanted when I came face to face with Tanya…_

**~~Edward~~**

"Edward."

OK her voice was the same, but as my eyes took her in, I realized that Tanya had been 'enhanced' - transformed. She was no longer a soft, sensual and emotive beauty. Her once natural and delicate features were now hard and large and fake. This was a cool, expressionless version of Tanya.

"Tanya?" it wasn't a question, but my voice inflected as if I was asking. She looked older, but it wasn't just that. I was having a real problem trying to absorb all the changes.

Her hair, different style, different color. Her skin, perfectly made-up, smooth, fake-tanned. Her lips, puffy, fuller, the glossy red lipstick too perfect; she was smiling but now there were no cute creases around her eyes, her whole face stagnant, un-moving.

Then I noticed her breasts, the deep crevice of her cleavage.

_Fuck! She's had a boob-job? Why? Fucking hell._

_This is what Rosalie will turn into. This is what Hollywood can do to beautiful women, especially after exploitive career advice from money-hungry men that think these type of aesthetic enhancements_ _look good on camera._

The woman I had once held in my arms, made love to, was no longer there. She was completely transformed into a different being. _Fucking hell._ _Would I ever become this?_ The thought that I could made me nauseous. Even more vomit inducing was the thought that I might drag Bella into this world; a corrupt reality I should be shielding and protecting her from.

I felt sad to realize this Tanya was not the Tanya I had been with two years ago. I'd been convinced I was in love with her at the time, but now that I'd felt true love, for Bella, I knew for a fact that what I had felt for Tanya was just infatuation.

"Come outside on the balcony with me please. I'd really love to talk to you in private," said Tanya.

I stood in a daze, hoping the look on my face didn't give away my feeling of incredulity that the beautiful woman I'd once made love to was now this hard looking Barbie. Even her once soft strawberry-blond spiral curls were now flat-ironed straight, unmoving, platinum.

She stepped closer to me to whisper in my ear. "Please Edward, I want to apologize, and I've missed speaking to you. Can we just talk for five minutes, alone? We share a history, one that I miss every day." She stepped even closer.

I could smell the stale odor of cigarette smoke mixed with peppermint on her breath. I closed my eyes as the sensory combination of her voice and smell reminded me of when we were together, when she was in bed with me.

"OK," was all I could say.

She smiled and walked to the glass doors that led to the large wrap-around balcony that was by now crowded with people. She stopped a waiter on the way to ask him something then kept walking.

I was surprised that all the anger I'd previously felt for how Tanya had acted towards me and the terrible way she had treated people – it had evaporated. I didn't feel much of anything except sadness and pity.

When the warm LA air hit us on the balcony, she turned to me and smiled again.

"Edward, you look, simply...breathtaking."

I didn't know how to be tactful. I had no idea if Tanya had actually _wanted_ the changes that now appeared in front of me.

"You look so different." I couldn't say she looked good, she didn't.

I caught the flash of defiance in her eyes before she placed her hand on my arm and squeezed. "How have you been? I don't mean your career; I can follow that in every magazine. I mean, how are you?"

I consciously patted my pants pocket, knowing that mom would call me soon with Charlie Swan's number. The thought was a lifeline.

"I'm fantastic. I'm shooting in Vancouver. Life is...I'm just, it's good."

I couldn't tell her about Bella, I couldn't tell her about the song, or the fact that I was to star in Liam Berty's next film. Me and Tanya were in different worlds now.

I felt a lump in my throat when I remembered how Tanya had encouraged me when I started out with my acting. She had been my girlfriend, but also my life coach, pushing me, motivating me. She had no idea that losing that support when she dumped me for Stefan–the director she went after to boost her career–cut me far more than the loss of her physically.

The waiter she'd spoken to appeared with a bottle of Dewar's White Label, a bucket of ice with tongs and two glasses. He placed it on one of the cocktail tables and proceeded to open the bottle and pour Tanya and I a drink. I watched him, knowing her eyes were on me. My preferred drink - she remembered.

"Bottoms up!" she toasted and I saw a brief flash of the girl I had once cared about. We both laughed.

"I've missed – this." She motioned between us with her glass.

I was in no way going to give her any mixed signals.

"And how are you Tanya?" I genuinely wanted to know.

"I've been good, I mean, I still audition now and then for movie roles, but television suits my pace."

"Are you still with Stefan?" I thought I should at least ask if she was still with the guy she dumped me for.

"Yes."

She reached into her purse, and pulled out a sleek silver cigarette case, flipped it open and offered me one.

I couldn't help but grimace. "I've given up." I stated.

She laughed, "Seriously?" Her eyes went wide, the first animated movement her face had made since I'd seen her.

"You're surprised?"

"No, I suppose not. I should quit too," she said, but she placed the white stick in her mouth anyway. I watched as she lit it, her eyes closing as the first puff of smoke swirled up into her face. She sucked in a deep drag and held it in her lungs for a couple of seconds before blowing it out in a billowing sigh. I was kind of bewildered for a second, as the actuality of what she was doing hit me. She was trying to be provocative. The cigarette was a tool she used to draw attention to her face. _Out of habit_? I knew she hated the taste; she had always sucked mints after she'd been smoking.

I watched as she took another sip of whiskey. The glossy red lipstick she was wearing left smudges on the glass. I noticed her perfectly manicured nails were a matching red. Her designer clothes, the sparkling jewelry...the whole picture was everything that wasn't Bella.

All of it made Bella even more desirable to me. Bella would never want to be here at a premiere party, she'd rather be writing in the VIP bar, having a home made dinner with Ben and Angela or watching me play the guitar anonymously in a seedy venue like Laurent's.

"How's your family?" Tanya asked.

She casually continued dragging on her cigarette and unconsciously diverted her gaze around to look at other people, or rather, see if they were looking at her.

She didn't give a shit about my family. She'd never liked Alice and she was always very curt with my mom. I could remember my anger with Tanya in the past. She was completely self-centered. She feigned curiosity, just to carry on the conversation.

I laughed as I downed my drink and instantly grabbed the bottle to pour myself another.

She smiled at my laughter, pushing her chest out. My response was like applause to her, she reacted as if she was in front of a camera, as if all eyes were on her.

"What's funny?" she questioned.

"Tanya, you and I both know you couldn't give a flying fuck how my family is."

"That's not true," she said defensively. "I know they didn't think I was good enough for you, but Edward, I tried. Alice made it perfectly clear to me the first time I met her that she thought I wasn't the _right one_ for you. How did you expect me to react to that? They always made me feel inferior. Maybe if they had accepted me, we would have worked out."

I couldn't believe she just said that. She had always told me that I was a 'fling', that she never saw anything long term with me. I guess I'd hoped to change her mind. I realized she meant what she said after she dumped me. Looking back, I saw that she thrived on the adoration I gave her. I was inexperienced, I looked up to her, and I had to admit I guess I was using her in order to explore my talent, and sate my sexual appetite. She already had a few acting jobs under her belt and was rising quickly. She made me feel and believe things I never thought possible.

"We both know that you never wanted anything long term with me, my family had nothing to do with that. I don't really want to talk about our past, if that's OK with you." I downed my drink and proceeded to pour another, topping her glass up without thought.

"Edward. I know you're probably contracted for another five years straight, but I need to ask. Stefan is directing a sitcom; it could possibly get another season. Would you be a guest star on the show? It would mean a lot to me if we could work together, just once. Remember we always joked that we would, that it would be fun?"

I stared at her as all the pieces fell into place. _She was only talking to me to get me to appear on her boyfriend's failing sitcom?_

"I think that moment has long past, Tanya. I'm sorry. Television was never what I wanted, you know that. I've never wanted to - " I stopped when she looked away from me. She was angry. She was only two years older than me, and she'd already been typecast.

She sipped her drink and continued to inhale her cigarette. "Beauty fades Edward. You know they only want you when you're hot. Talent doesn't necessarily come into it."

I nodded my head, but I knew she was repeating words that were not her own, trying to convince herself.

She waved her hand dismissively, then stubbed her cigarette out in the sand filled box a few paces away.

When she came back to me, she placed her hand over my chest. "I shouldn't have let you go," she whispered. "I was stupid. I didn't realize what I had until I pushed it away. Edward, I'm sorry, can you, will you forgive me, and -"

"Stop, Tanya." I grabbed her hand. "Don't do this. We both know that our time together was an exploration. I thought I loved you, but you and I know, I was young and infatuated. You don't owe me anything. In fact, I should thank you for breaking up with me. I wouldn't be where I am now."

I stood staring at her. It felt like I was in a soap opera. The whole scene was a parody of an outrageously scripted episode of 'Days of Our Lives'. Everything around me was too much. _She_ was too much. The last 48 hours had been like a slap in the face; a long overdue wake-up call.

Tanya wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek.

The flashes, close and bright, startled me. I was shell-shocked for a second, until Tanya turned around and started grinning at a lone photographer, his face twisted in a sardonic grin.

I sighed, and turned my back to him. The predictability of the moment almost had me laughing hysterically.

"Just a couple of pictures of us together for old times sake." Tanya said happily.

I closed my eyes, the flashes ghosting in red and yellow blotches in my vision. _She orchestrated this, to be seen with me_? I could visualize the headlines now. It made me feel nauseous, so I downed another quick shot and refilled my glass.

"It's been great catching up with you Tanya. If you'll excuse me." I walked away from her.

"Edward, please," I heard her whine.

I downed my drink as I walked then deposited the glass on a waiter's tray as he passed me. I walked straight to the restroom to scrub the sticky lipstick kiss mark off my face. Then I had one purpose and one purpose only. My eyes scoured the venue. I spotted Heidi talking to Jason Jenks, the executive producer of my film.

"Excuse me, Heidi, may I steal you for just one minute," I said politely but with enough urgency that she responded straight away.

"Of course Edward," she gushed. "Please excuse us Jace?"

_Jace? Fawning all over him and the cutesy name? Holy hell, just kill me now._

She stepped aside with me, barely out of earshot.

"What is it Edward, did you change your mind?" she grinned at me lasciviously.

"No, Heidi. You can keep your illegal narcotics. I was just photographed on the balcony. Was the photographer invited? Because he just took what could look to be an intimate picture of me with Tanya Denali, my EX girlfriend."

"What?" she fumed. "God, I can't even stop to have one glass of champagne with out some drama unfolding." she scowled. "Alright, I'll deal with him. I can just imagine what _she'd_ say in an interview to illustrate those pictures." Her anger was suddenly replaced by calm as she stepped back to _Jace_.

"Darling," she drawled. "I'm needed for something, so I'm leaving you here with Edward for a while. I won't be long."

Jason smiled at her and she rushed off, her heels clicking across the marble floor.

"Edward," he bellowed and patted me on the back. "What are you drinking?"

"Whiskey." I said flatly. My free hand slipped into my pocket to pull out my iPhone to make sure the ring tone was turned up.

"Ah, the good stuff." Jason motioned to a waiter and nodded his head.

"Now Edward, what is it that I hear from Marcus about a song you've written?" he looked intrigued.

_Episode. Bella. _

"Yes, I have a song. It fits the movie perfectly. Marc said he'd talk to you about using it on the soundtrack. He was discussing the...marketability of it, and the additional _income_ it could generate, you know, from my..._millions_ of fans."

I took a deep breath in. I knew speaking about the song in money terms should spark his interest. After the disaster I had just experienced with Tanya, I didn't give a fuck anymore. Everyone in Hollywood was out to get what they wanted. The only thing I wanted was Bella and for _Episode _to be on the soundtrack. I may as well play this game. '_Strike while you're hot'_, isn't that what Liam Berty said...

I watched, waiting for him to absorb my words.

_Fuck it._

"The song provides a real novelty in terms of marketability for the film," I went on, "and it increases opportunities for cross-promotion with other merchandise." _Shit,_ _how many drinks have I had?_

"The copyright is being drawn up right now by my agent and my lawyer. My co-writer and I are offering the song exclusively for the soundtrack."

Jason pondered this as the waiter arrived with two glasses of whiskey.

"Hell, I guess I can talk to Heidi about that," he said at last. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt for you to appear on some music shows, reach the MTV generation?"

"Exactly," I said, searching for more spin, "A highly profitable market, wouldn't you say?"

"I can't see why not. Marcus said it was a good song, that he could use it..."

I tried to stay calm, but I was buzzing.

"So, it's a yes then," I hedged.

He clinked his glass to mine. "We can talk about it more when I visit the set next month. I'm bringing my niece with me, by the way. She's a huge fan of yours and she wants to be an actress. You should come out to dinner with us."

I swallowed my dismay and gave him a knowing smirk.

"Your niece? Ahh, how old is she?" I questioned.

He snorted a sarcastic laugh. "She's only seventeen, Edward. But she's feisty and well, she's spoiled rotten if you ask me, but hey, I'm the _cool_ uncle that can get her on set."

I smiled and we sipped our whiskey. I could hear Heidi's shoes before I felt her hand on my arm as she pulled me aside.

"OK, Edward, disaster averted, but for God's sake if you're going to suck face with anyone, please make sure it's Rosalie and not some TV actress with a really bad boob job."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I didn't kiss her, she kissed me, on the cheek."

"Whatever, just, keep out of trouble please? You'll make me look bad."

"I'm hardly your average demanding celebrity client now am I Heidi?" I sounded gratingly childish, even to myself.

She pursed her lips. "You're welcome," she snarked at me.

I downed another glass, and another, as 'Jace', as he now told me to call him, raved on about the movie and his niece and gushed how Heidi was doing a wonderful job.

I started to feel lightheaded. I realized that I'd consumed too much, and excused myself to the restroom.

When I returned, Heidi scowled at me and, when Jace was distracted, she grabbed my arm to pull me aside.

"Edward, you need to meet a few people now, OK? I need you to be _charming_."

Heidi dragged me around to meet some more 'important' people. We circulated the entire room and eventually ended back in front of Jace who insisted I have another whiskey with him.

I felt like I was going to pass out, and was about to suggest to Heidi that I get back to the hotel when I felt my phone vibrate and let out a piecing ring.

_Please let it be Mom._

My fingers fumbled in my pocket. I retrieved my phone, answering it instantly.

"Mom? Did you find it?" I slurred.

"Yes I found it."

"Thank god. What's the number?"

"Edward are you drunk?"

"I've had a few whiskeys, that's all," I lied.

"Well I don't think you should speak to Bella when you're under the influence of alcohol."

"Please mom," I pleaded. "You have to give me the number, I fucking can't stand another day without hearing her voice."

"Do not curse whilst you're speaking to me Edward. I will not suffer it. I know how you're feeling but I refuse to give you _police _chief Swan's number so you can call his daughter while you're drunk!"

I took a deep breath in and tried to calm myself.

"I'm sorry mom, I had a run in with Tanya earlier and I'm not dealing with it."

"Well, that's even more reason for you to wait. Call Bella when you're less emotional. Edward, make your excuses politely and go back to the hotel, sleep it off. I'll call you tomorrow and if I think you can handle it _then_ I'll give you the number."

"Please mom, I won't embarrass myself, or you, I just have to tell her what she thought was...that I'm not with Rosalie. It's killing me."

There was silence.

"It's late Edward. I'm sorry, no. Tomorrow, when you're sober. Goodnight." she hung up on me.

I slipped my phone back in my pocket and clutched at my hair.

Tomorrow? _Fuck I need another drink._

**~~Bella~~**

I spent the day in Port Angeles with Elaine. Dad had roped Eric into going fishing with him in an attempt at 'male bonding'. I stifled my laugh when an obviously squeamish Eric listened to my dad discussing what bait they would use and what time they would leave to launch the boat somewhere in the Bogacheil State Park.

Elaine and I ended up in this cute little boutique and she convinced me to try on some pretty summer dresses. I ended up buying a gorgeous floral patterned cotton dress and a bikini.

I'd actually never owned a bikini. Living in Sydney, I just never exposed that much skin to the intensity of an Australian sun. Instead, I'd always wear a one piece, and a long sleeved rashie. I'd learnt my lesson when I fell asleep once on Bondi beach and had severe sunburn. Since then, my lily-white skin had not been exposed for more than a few minutes to the sun without sunscreen.

The bikini was royal blue, with tiny bows and white stitching detail. It fit as if it was made just for me and it really wasn't that expensive, even though I was sure my mental currency conversions–US dollars to Australian dollars–was probably way off.

"Bella. I don't mean to pry, but you know I'm a mom and there's women's intuition and everything."

"Yes?"

"Are you having, um...boy troubles?" Elaine raised an eyebrow.

I sighed. My silence must have been a confirmation.

"It's just that your speech last night – well, they were the words of a woman who has experienced love, who's maybe in love right now?" Elaine persisted.

"Can I speak candidly, but, um, confidentially, please, Elaine?"

"Of course. Anything you tell me I'll keep to myself," she assured me.

"Did Charlie tell you anything about, maybe a boy I used to have a crush on, when I was a teenager?"

"Yes. He didn't go into much detail, but he told me you decided not to come to live with him when you were sixteen. Your mom told him you were infatuated with a boy at school, that it was just a phase and that you should be left to work it out."

We sat down in a cafe, and ordered coffees.

"That boy, well, I never told dad, or my mom, but when I was twenty, we were together."

Her face broke into a grin that quickly faded when I didn't return the smile.

"Oh, I think I understand," she said, "It didn't work out."

"No, it didn't." I didn't feel like going into any detail.

"And now. There's someone?" _How to answer her? _

"He's...he's simply indescribable. He's gorgeous, talented, inspiring, and compassionate. We're friends; he's in love with someone else. But before I knew he was, I kind of let myself fall in love with him. He can't be mine, so I have to find a way to be happy for him. But how do you stop having feelings for someone? This is the second time I've fallen in love, and both times...I think...I must be doomed to be alone, and it scares me."

"Don't ever think that Bella. Look, I can't say I have a hell of a lot of experience when it comes to men. I was only nineteen when Eric was born. I was with his father for ten years. But I believe there_ is_ someone out there for you. You have to be open, or that person may slip through your fingers."

She placed her hand on mine.

"Bella, I've had a crush on your dad for twelve years."

"What?" I looked at her, shocked.

"OK you probably don't want to hear this but your dad is a bit of a catch. I mean, he's an honorable upstanding citizen, he's respected and well, god he's pretty suave and sexy. Sorry, I know you couldn't possibly see him that way, but I do.

"I was convinced that Charlie Swan wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a struggling single mom. I had no idea he was divorced and had a young daughter living in Australia. I assumed he was happier without that type of responsibility, so I didn't act on my feelings."

She smiled and looked wistful.

"I'd give anything to be able to go back in time. I would have pursued him, Bella. Twelve years ago, I would have worked up the courage to ask your father out on a date. I should have, but I let my insecurities talk me out of it! Don't just assume things Bella. Ask, find out, speak your mind. Things aren't always how they seem."

Our coffees arrived. I completely understood Elaine's reasoning. I knew my dad. He always acted like the cool, happy, single man, and never wallowed.

But she didn't know that I'd already acted on my feelings with Riley. I'd pushed myself on him. I'd tried to make him love me. Our situations weren't the same.

I smiled and nodded my head as we sipped our coffee. We spent the rest of the afternoon window shopping and browsing through a bookstore.

I ended up buying the novel Eric had showed me last night; the novel that Liam Berty was going to turn into a film. I was excited about reading it; because of course I would be able to visualize Edward as the lead character.

Elaine and I drove back to Forks in the late afternoon to find Charlie watching ESPN and Eric passed out on the sofa.

"Let's just order pizza for dinner." Elaine suggested.

"Did someone say pizza?" said Eric, yawning. He didn't move from his reclined position on the sofa or open his eyes.

"Yes, Eric. It's late, are you driving back to Seattle tonight?" Elaine asked him with a concerned voice.

"Urgh!" he groaned. "I should, I've got work tomorrow."

"How was the fishing?" I asked, smiling as I watched Eric's nose scrunch up.

"The city boy didn't do so good," laughed Charlie.

"I'm hardly a city boy. I did grow up here, remember," Eric laughed in return. "I've just never been used to, you know, sports and getting my hands dirty."

I laughed along with them. I really liked Eric; he was like an honest preppie adorable dork.

Elaine and Eric left shortly after dinner and Eric told me I should try to visit him in Seattle, but if I couldn't he'd definitely see me back in Forks for Thanksgiving. He gave me his business card and told me to email him.

I made my excuses about a long day and practically ran upstairs to bed, leaving my dad watching some game on TV. I sank under the covers, holding the novel in my hands.

I did what I always did when I got new book.

I held it between flat palms and smelt the fore-edge, then flicked the pages to inhale the unique smell of paper and ink. My head swam. I fingered to the imprint page. It was published in 2003. I read the dedication, and slowly turned to open to the first page of Chapter One.

I had probably been reading solidly for at least an hour when I heard Charlie ascend the stairs to the bathroom and the soft click of his door as he went to bed.

I was sure that if I wasn't here, he'd be either staying at Elaine's or she'd be here with him, and I couldn't help but smile. _I should go back to Vancouver tomorrow, let him and Elaine have some alone time_. But the thought of being back in the hotel made me sad.

I looked at the book in my hands. I could visualize Edward's character. I could almost hear his voice as I read the character's dialogue.

The love interest in the story was insecure, a little self-conscious. She was from the 'poor side of the tracks' but she was likeable, in a sometimes frustrating way. She was described as having long straight brown hair and hazel eyes.

They'd fallen in love. It was a typical plot device where the characters have to get through the obstacles to be with each other. I hadn't read much but it seemed a little predictable and for the life of me, I couldn't help but picture Rosalie Hale as the girl Edward's character was in love with. She would look completely wrong in terms of casting, but I just couldn't get her image from my mind.

I took the receipt out of the white and green paper bag the bookstore had wrapped it in and used it as a bookmark.

_One more day, and then I'll go back to Vancouver on Tuesday. _

_Tuesday. That's the day Edward would be back on set...Shit!_ _And I said I'd meet Angela for lunch that day, but I wouldn't be back in time. I'll have to call her and postpone. I hope she doesn't ask me why I'd suddenly fled to Forks._

~0~

**A/N: Please don't hate Bella too much, she's a tad insecure and she's convinced Edward is with Rosalie. I appreciate you guys hanging in there…**


	22. Asterisk

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

~Bella~

"_You are my twin-soul. I need you, I love you, with everything I have."_

_Georgia's eyes glistened with unshed tears. She knew that what he was saying was the truth, yet the thought of her family's reaction, the dread she felt at the thought they could stop her from seeing him – it was all she could think about. Nicholas meant everything to her, but there were so many considerations, so many obstacles that would make everything a fight. Her biggest fear was that he would end up resenting her for the struggles she knew they had to face. Her mind churned through the possibilities but she couldn't comprehend how it would all work out._

"_Please Georgia, I love you. We can make it work." Nicholas pressed his open palm over her heart. The look in his eyes should have been enough to melt all her fears._

_He was bewildered that she looked so hesitant. Surely she could feel the love that pulsed through the air and connected them? There was no other choice as far as he was concerned. Georgia was his soul mate. He would fight for her; he would do anything so that they could be together. The urgency of his desire, the determination he felt, was tangible. They would be together, damn the consequences._

_Nicholas held her tightly, his eyes pleading as he unconsciously licked his lips. "I only want you. I know you love me. I know we can make this work. Please, tell me you feel it. Tell me you can feel how much I love you."_

_Georgia held Nicholas close, her body couldn't react any other way, like he had some mysterious hold on her, something unexplainable that made touching him the most blissful sensation her mind and body had ever experienced. She slowly covered his hand and then raised it to her lips._

_Nicholas could see her resolve falter._

"_Do you believe in destiny?" he asked. "Do you believe that two people are meant to be together, no matter what?"_

I hurriedly pushed my makeshift bookmark in between the pages and closed the book for the second time.

My head was like a block of concrete; tears dripped down my face and neck. I sat up in bed to reach for a tissue and the book dropped to the floor with a muted thud.

_Serves me right for reading trash chick lit!_

But I was hooked - the more I read the more I could imagine Edward as Nicholas. I could hear his voice as he said the words to Georgia –and yes, I still pictured the heroine as Rosalie. I couldn't bear to read any more of the book tonight. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose.

_It's just a story!_

I switched off the lamp by my bed. The refracted light coming from the street light made the room seem abnormally bright for this late hour. Charlie had gone to bed at least a couple of hours ago. I had tried to sleep as well, but my mind was awash with thoughts, I couldn't switch off, that's why I had continued reading in the hope I could relax into sleep. It hadn't worked; it had the opposite effect instead.

I lay unmoving, thinking about Edward, thinking about my trip back to Vancouver. My mind raced thinking about _Episode_, about Charlie and Elaine and meeting Eric. I knew I had to call Angela to tell her I wouldn't be back in time for our lunch date, and I needed to drop in on Kate and Garrett to say hello and return the little blue cooler bag that Kate had packed my Aussie breakfast in. I thought of driving to Great Lakes cabin on Thursday morning, and the things I'd need to take with me.

It was a fitful night of light sleep. I woke several times with the sheet twisted in a bunched mess around my legs. When exhaustion finally took over, my dreams were vivid. They were of Edward whispering in my ear, telling me that I was his, that I belonged to him. He was needy and desperate and I was motionless and cold. He touched my face, ran his long fingers through my hair. He kissed me, but I didn't move, I was like a statue, as if my skin was cold marble and his words were muffled and confusing.

His touches became more erratic as my lack of response made him frustrated and more demanding.

"I love you Bella. Everything will be OK as long as I have you_," _he moaned as he kissed me.

Then, like a pin bursting a balloon, my statuesque form exploded and I was kissing him back passionately; hands, tongues, bodies melding together in a blissful sensation.

The details of the dream illuminated. Edward was standing in my little kitchen in my Sydney apartment. His touch felt familiar, warm and sensual. He was caressing me; he was slowing stripping pieces of my clothing from my body.

I woke up, panting, aroused and disoriented.

I was still in my old bedroom in Forks, but the details of the dream were still there. I knew why.

I had tried not to, but since finding my teenage diaries thinking about Riley was inevitable. My attempt to blank out the memories wasn't working. Besides, why should I blank them out? I had loved Riley, I'd been happy, once. Did I need to taint that memory simply because he hadn't felt the same? My eyes closed and I remembered back to a particular day.

_Maybe remembering would help me to move on. It was a day in Sydney, three years ago._

_**I'm sorry, emergency meeting. I'll be over after 11. Love you.**_

I smiled as I read Riley's text, the display telling me it was 9:08pm. I placed my phone down and stared at my book, knowing I would wait up for him no matter how long it took him to get home.

It had been only six weeks since I'd basically thrown myself at him and declared my love. Six blissful weeks with Riley, the boy I had coveted since I was fourteen. We'd spent almost every night together; just the thought of him coming home to me made me grin and squirm. I couldn't read any more, instead I lay in bed, staring out the window at the city skyline and reliving every blissful moment of lovemaking and talking and listening to music together.

We never went out, we just basked in our alone time. We explored each other's bodies.

Riley's emergency meetings were happening more frequently. He was working for Victoria's father. Mick Marshall owned a national civil engineering firm, and he had been a little under the weather recently. Riley told me working at Marshall's was a short term thing as far as he was concerned. He wanted to save up some cash and go back to University to keep studying for his visual arts degree. Now he had recovered from the motorcycle accident he wanted to get on with life. He never really talked about the particulars of his work; he would only ever tell me that Victoria's father was a great guy but the job wasn't what he wanted. He was desperate to get back to painting and sculpture, that was his passion and that's what he wanted to be doing. The job with Victoria's father was just a means to an end. He couldn't resume his studies until February, so he'd decided he may as well work up until then.

I reached over to pick up Riley's notebook that he always left by the bed. The sketches were all of me, naked, beautifully rendered in smudged 2B pencil and simply breathtaking. I jumped when my phone chirped and vibrated.

_**I need you Bella, so badly. I'll be there in 10.**_

My body automatically responded to the words in his text. I was anxious and wanting. I slipped off the bed and walked to the kitchen to pour myself some cold water.

I spent a while standing in the kitchen, imagining how it felt to wake up in his arms. I recollected our first night together, his beautiful words, the gentleness of his touch, the burning, almost painful longing that encompassed me when he had to leave the next morning. I slowly sipped some more water as I recalled how it felt to shower with him, the excitement I felt whenever he let himself into my apartment with the key I had given him.

As if he had read my mind I heard the key in the lock and the door flew open. My body trembled with need as I placed my glass down.

"Bella," he sighed as he embraced me, his mouth urgent, his tongue desperate. He kissed me like he hadn't seen me for weeks. I wasn't complaining. His hands slowly slid down to my bum, as he squeezed and moaned, pushing me against the kitchen bench, his hands roaming all over my thin satin nightgown.

"I missed you," I whispered.

Riley pulled back to look at me. His eyes searched my face, his expression changed minutely, but before I could decipher it, he was kissing me hungrily again, his warm hands snagging into the waistband of my undies as he pushed them down passed my thighs. They fell to the floor.

I started giggling in between his kisses, my hands on his jaw, and I kissed him back with as much passion as I could. I felt Riley's fingers slowly stroke me and one slid into me, deeply. I couldn't help but moan and push my body against him.

"You're always so ready for me," he panted then he removed his hand.

I was going to suggest we move to the bedroom, but before I knew what was happening Riley lifted me onto the kitchen bench. He had unzipped his work pants and I felt him push against me, his hands surrounding my hips as he pulled me forward.

He'd never been this desperate for me before.

Riley was suddenly inside me, and he started thrusting with long firm strokes that had my thighs quivering instantly. One of his hands was supporting my bum, the other was weaving itself into my hair, a thumb lightly brushing my ear as his passionate lips covered mine. I was so awash with sensation that it took me a minute to understand why it felt so enjoyably different, better than it ever had.

_He forgot the condom!_

"Riley," I breathed. My head was spinning. I knew I should stop him, but my body wanted to enjoy the sensation for a while longer. I had hooked my arms over his shoulders, my legs wrapped around his thighs. His kisses never stopped. I didn't want him to ever stop.

Then I felt him twitch and heard him grunt. His lips slipped down to my neck. I knew, by the guttural sounds he was making, that he was enjoying this as much as me, and that he would come.

"Riley, you have to stop," I moaned. "You can't come. The contraceptive I'm taking won't be effective for another week." I panted.

He instantly stilled his movement and pulled back to look at me, confusion turned to anguish. His beautiful face contorted with disappointment. He dropped his forehead onto mine.

"I'm so sorry, I forgot. I'm not - I hate using condoms," he said breathlessly.

A vision of Victoria flashed through my mind. _Did he_ _use them when he dated her?_

Riley pushed one last time inside me, groaned then pulled all the way out. Holding me closely, he said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's OK," I whispered.

"I don't want to be thinking about anything like that when I'm with you," his hand cradled my jaw and he pulled back to look into my eyes. "I love you Bella. Everything will be OK as long as I have you. If I'm with you, I can deal with all the other shit."

"What shit? Work?"

He smiled sadly at me, but didn't say anything.

"You don't have to bottle it all up. You can tell me," I said, my fingers playing with his hair. "I wanna know. Maybe talking about it will help."

"You are my refuge away from that part of my life. I don't want to talk about...I just want..."

Riley made sure I was properly seated on the bench, kicked off his boots and pulled off his work pants, underwear and socks. He pulled his shirt over his head without undoing the buttons then, when he was completely naked, he pulled me up against his chest and carried me into the bedroom.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he said as he sat me on the bed. His lips were on my mouth again. He slowly tugged on my nightgown, inching it up and peeling it over my head. "You're all I want. Everything else doesn't matter when we're together. When I'm with you, I can blank all that work and family shit out." He fumbled for a condom in the bedside table drawer, expertly rolled it on and crawled up the bed to hover over me.

"I love you Bella," he whispered as he stared into my eyes.

I saw it, I felt it. It _was _real.

"I love you too, forever," my hands ran over his smooth hairless chest. Then I touched his jaw. He was adorably sexy, his full lips were slightly cracked from working outdoors, his soft skin with the days growth felt rough, like his hand that clenched my waist.

"Can I ask you something?" I whispered.

He looked worried, his body stiffened minutely, and I watched perplexed as he swallowed. _He's nervous?_

"What is it?" he asked with concern.

I couldn't help but smile. _He thought I was going to ask him something about work?_

"Take me...back into the kitchen," I could feel myself blushing, "I want you there."

He responded with a relieved gush of air from his lungs followed by a sly grin as he lifted me and carried me back to the kitchen bench.

I snapped myself out of the recollection.

_Riley_. His love for me felt so real. _But it wasn't_. _He'd lied – lied so well_.

His words about his work and 'family shit', reminded me of Georgia and Nicholas' plight in the novel. I knew that Riley had never gone back to his studies. I knew he had continued to work for Victoria's father, and I knew Mick Marshall had been sick. I thought back to Jessica's email, she said that Mick had died and Riley had split up with Victoria only a few short weeks after.

I didn't understand why Riley had lied to me, told me he loved me every day we were together, when he'd still been in love with Victoria. I felt sad knowing that it hadn't worked out for them; that they were no longer together. _I wonder if she ever found out about me?_

I also wondered what Riley was doing now. Did he continue to draw and paint? Did he still play tennis on the weekends? Did he ever buy that Ducati that he wanted; in fact did he ever ride a motorcycle again?

I heard the phone ring downstairs. I couldn't move; I didn't want to answer it. I blanked out the incessant shrill sound.

_Riley, wherever you are, I hope you can be happy_.

I had to let the pain go. I had to move on once and for all. Angela's words suddenly popped into my consciousness…_"So, perhaps the reason you keep thinking about him is because you have unresolved feelings? Sounds like you didn't get any closure, Bella. Maybe you need to work through your feelings before you start another relationship."_

~0~

~Edward~

My head was pounding. I didn't want to open my eyes. I fucked up last night. I should have stayed sober and in control. I could have had Bella's number, I could have called her in Forks, _I could have told her_.

_Mom_.

I opened my eyes and looked at the time. It was 4:07am.

_Fuck_! I had to be up and at the airport to fly to New York. I knew it was too early to call Mom and beg profusely for her to give me Cheif Swan's phone number. _Maybe I can call her as soon as I land and call Bella then?_

The packing, showering and the drive to the airport was a mindless necessity. I thought of Bella the whole while. I listened to her playlist, playing a particular song on repeat. I tried to think of the words I would need to tell her how I felt, _what_ I felt for her. I kept hearing Jasper's and Alice's argument for and against telling her about Alice's dream.

If I could just see her, _touch _her. I was convinced she'd want me to, but then I berated myself for being so arrogant and self-assured. _What if she doesn't want to be with me?_

I saw Rosalie briefly as we walked through the terminal. I blanked out the paparazzi and fans; my mind had one focus - call mom and convince her I was in a fit and sober state to speak to Bella. I waited until I was in the chauffeured black car, before I called mom's cell.

"Hello?"

"Mom, it's me."

"Good morning Edward." she said expectantly.

"I want to apologize for last night. I'm sorry, you were right. I've just landed in New York, and my day is going to be frantic. I just - please mom, I'm desperate. I'm begging you to give me Chief Swan's number." I sounded pathetic.

"Alright Edward, I'll give you the number. I just hope that if you do speak to Chief Swan you'll be respectful and explain that you got his number from me and that I would never give it out to anyone else, but as this is a special circumstance -"

"Mom, I love you. I want to call her now." I didn't hide my excitement or desperation.

"OK, Edward, I'll text you the number. Have a great day, call me when you get back to Vancouver honey, OK?"

"Yes, mom, thanks!"

I ended the call, holding the phone and willing mom's text to come through. I heard a sniff, and I looked across at Emmett. He was smirking at me. My phone chirped. _The number._

_I love you mom!_

I took a calming breath. My palms were sweaty. I tapped on the number to call. It seemed like forever until the line clicked and the phone was ringing, and ringing, and ringing.

No answer.

I ended the call and slumped in my seat.

"You've got it bad, haven't you?" asked Emmett.

"Yes." I said forlornly.

"So, what's the deal? I thought you said you shouldn't get _intimate_ with her anyway? She's with someone else?"

"No, she thinks I'm with someone; we had a kind of, well actually she interpreted something incorrectly."

"Like what?" he sounded genuinely curious. "I mean, come on Edward, she obviously likes you or why would she have taken you on that date to the club? What happened?"

I shoved my phone back in my jeans pocket, remembering how Bella took me to Laurent's, in secret. I suppose it was kind of like our first date. I would give anything to be back there, on that night. I should have told her then. I grabbed two handfuls of my hair in frustration.

"Rosalie chose the night I was going to tell Bella how I felt about her to barge into my suite and...well, Bella now assumes all the fucked-up media reports of Rose and me being an item are true."

"And you didn't explain?" he queried.

"I didn't get a chance; she left the hotel. She went to visit her dad. She's left me a couple of voice messages, but now her cell is off and I can't reach her. I've just tried to call her dad's house, but there's no answer."

"I don't get it. Why would she believe that you and Rose, I mean..._seriously_?" he scoffed.

I didn't want to tell Emmett about Rosalie's intentions to hire him for her _personal_ services. The audacity of her even contemplating it was just so typically...Rosalie. I remembered back to my conversation with Tanya last night and was reminded of the shocking similarities of Rose's recent behavior. No matter how much irritation she caused me, daily, there was no way I could stand by and watch her turn into another Tanya Denali.

"It was something Rosalie said that Bella misinterpreted. All that matters is that I tell Bella the truth." I looked out the window, admiring the view as we got closer to Manhattan.

I needed to have a one-on-one discussion with Rosalie. I needed to warn her about the games her agent and manager were playing and try and get her to think critically about where her career would go if she started to fast-forward from wholesome teen idol to sexed-up blonde bimbo.

"Do I get any time alone with Rosalie today?" I asked Emmett.

He looked shocked, and then his brow furrowed and he reached into his carry-on to pull out what I assumed to be my itinerary.

"Not really, unless you can talk to her in private at the premiere after-party. Heidi wanted you both to walk the red carpet together, but John told her 'no' and Royce said he didn't care either way."

"Royce," I spat. I'd met him several times before. He was one of those fake and slimy managers that would tip off the paparazzi, leak stories and filming location's to the press and do it all with a fake grin and a casual attitude that no one questioned.

"I suppose that fucker is going to be there tonight?"

"Yeah," said Emmett. "What's going on, Ed?"

I knew Emmett had no interest in my little crusade to educate Rosalie in the hopes she didn't let assholes such as Royce King completely fuck up her career, but I filled him in anyway, citing my justification and observations when it came to Tanya, and the way she had painted herself into a corner when it came to her career, or lack thereof.

I didn't mention Rosalie's designs on him. Emmett was a great guy, he was humble and loyal. He wouldn't be interested in a stuck-up spoiled brat and social climber like Rose.

"I think that's a great idea Ed. Some of the things Felix has told me about that douche King make my skin crawl. I'd like to help if I can, because I'd hate to see her exploited, you know."

I smiled at him, and we discussed some way he could speak to Felix and somehow arrange for Rosalie and me to have some time alone at the after-party. I had no idea what I would have to say to her to explain why I thought it necessary to butt into her career, but I had the whole day to think about it.

I tried Chief Swan's number again. Still no answer.

The day went slowly; pre-recorded TV appearances, another quick studio photo shoot. By the time we were whisked back to the hotel to get ready, I had tried calling Chief Swan's number ten times - still no answer.

The red carpet walk was invigorating. I got to speak to and sign autographs for fans, I got to do a few red carpet interviews as Heidi shadowed me and prodded me left and right. I was at ease and focused because I had a specific goal and the phone in my pocket was like my lifeline to Bella. I knew someone would have to answer the phone eventually. I knew as soon as I was inside I would try again.

Emmett had spoken to Felix and suggested that we do the red carpet and watch the first fifteen minutes of the film before slipping out the back exit to go to the hotel that the after-party would be hosted at.

Everything went according to plan and suddenly I found myself being escorted by Emmett through the hotel to an ante-room at the after-party venue.

When Emmett opened the door I saw Felix instantly. Rosalie was sitting on a low chaise; she looked stunning, with a glass of champagne in one hand and sending a text message with the other.

When she looked up, she didn't focus on me, rather her eyes took in Emmett, and I could see her instantly straighten her back and smile. Her face didn't give it away, but the tips of her ears –the only place she probably didn't have make-up on –burned a deep flushed pink. Now I had worked out why it had been so easy to get her here – _she thinks I've agreed to 'give' her Emmett._

I noticed Felix tipped his head in Emmett's direction and they silently left the room, leaving me alone with Rosalie, whose face broke out in a triumphant grin.

_Oh great, this isn't going to go well._

"Hi," I said cautiously.

"Hi Edward," she replied in a confident and smug tone.

I sat down next to her on the chaise. _How do I do this? Honesty is the best policy._

"I wanted to talk you, uninterrupted. Thanks for agreeing to leave the movie early and everything." I said, with a smile. "I think I just need to put this all out there and hopefully you'll understand why I need to say the things I need to say."

She gave me a puzzled look and took a sip of her champagne.

"I'm worried for you." I said as I took her hand. I was determined not to sound patronizing. "I know the last two years have been a steep learning curve for both of us. I admire the way you've been able to deal with everything, the attention, the fame, the demands of the job; all of it. You have a great talent, you have the whole world at your feet. I'm sure you're up for long and very satisfying career."

She was frowning at me, perplexed. I knew this is not what she was expecting from me.

"I ran into my ex-girlfriend at the launch party last night," I went on. "You remind me a lot of her. She had talent, she had determination, she could have done anything, but she let other people stick their noses into her career and she took their really bad advice. I'd hate to see that happen to you. The Hollywood parties, the endorsements, the risqué photo shoots. I think Royce is deluding your perception and downplaying what you're capable of, and I want to –"

She whipped her hand from mine and placed her champagne glass on the table. She returned my gaze with a scowl. Her hand was trembling.

"I'm not going to discuss this with you now Edward. I want you to call Emmett back in here and tell him he needs to quit working for you so I can hire him immediately. You can have Felix; he's more than capable of protecting you from all your pretty fan girls."

"I'm not doing that Rosalie," I said, doing my best to keep calm. "Listen to what you're saying. Emmett's not an object; he's a person who makes his own career decisions. He's not a puppet, he's a human being, and he'd be horrified if he knew you wanted to make him your personal property. Can't you see how they've brainwashed you into to thinking it's OK to treat people that way? Come on Rose, this is not really you."

She looked down, her hands clutched together. She was taking in slow deep breaths.

"I want to help Rosalie. I can't just sit back and let them poison your mind. I can't let them make you think you won't have a career in a few years and push you to do something stupid for the sake of selling more magazines. Think about it Rose, think about all the advice Royce has been feeding you lately. He has his own agenda; he's not looking out for your best interests."

She wouldn't look up at me. Her phone chirped and she reached for it and glanced at the message, typing a response quickly then placing the phone on the table.

"And what's _your _agenda Edward?" She looked at me defiantly, her ears flaming red her control about to snap. "Why would you even want to get involved in my career and how I conduct myself? What's in it for you?"

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't try to help you," I protested. "I don't want to see you end up on some failing sitcom while talentless socialites like Zafrina Yolanda get the types of dramatic movie roles you should be cast in. I know you act tough, because it's a male dominated world and you need to be seen as strong, but you don't have to come across as an unfeeling ball-breaker to get ahead. I know you have so much more inside you to give. Why would you suppress that, why wouldn't you use it? And why not tell exploitive money hungry assholes like Royce King to stick it."

We sat in silence. I took it as a positive, she hadn't started yelling and shouting at me. _Maybe my words were getting through?_

She shifted her body towards me, her hands were still shaking and she seemed conflicted.

"It's too late, Edward. I've done the photo shoot, I've already signed on to promote that bottled water. Royce says he may be able to get me a part in the new Scorsese film if I do what he says and I told him I would."

"Stand up to him Rose, he works for you. Fire him; there are plenty of managers out there that can work with you to go the way you want. You don't have to downplay your talent to make them money, and you sure as hell don't need them to get a movie role!"

Her phone chirped. "Maybe one day you'll understand. I can't back out now. And Edward – I'm sorry."

I looked at her in confusion then she sighed and picked up her phone, typed in something then placed it on the table. She reached out to give me a hug. I hugged her back.

"I don't understand Rose. There's nothing for you to apologize for."

I heard the door open, Rosalie held me tightly. "Yes," she breathed in my ear. "There is…"

All of a sudden her hand went onto my groin, her lips pushed forcefully into mine, her other hand was on my neck pulling me into her desperate kiss.

I heard the machinegun firing of the camera shutter as I tried to pull away and shield my eyes. I was frozen in a daze as I saw the photographer grinning and smirking, Rosalie still latched on to me and trying to bury her head in my chest.

"Emmett!" I yelled for him, but he never came and then the realization hit me. This was a set up. This is what she was apologizing for. I forced her away from my chest to look at her, aghast when I saw she'd pulled her dress up to her thigh and ruffled her hair, as if we'd been in a more intimate embrace before the photographer 'caught' us.

I stood up, fuming with anger as the photographer continued to capture everything. I lunged for the camera but he skidded off, holding his camera high, facing me as he hurried out the door, the shutter still firing at ten frames per second.

The rage I felt was indescribable. My head pounded, my fists clenched.

I looked down at her. She held her head high as she straightened her dress and tried to fix her hair. Her cool unaffected mask had returned.

Emmett burst into the room, his eyes absorbing the sight before him.

He looked at me pointedly, and he didn't look happy.

"Paparazzi," I stated coldly.

I looked at Rose. "I hope that was worth the trust you just threw out the fucking window Rose. You can go to hell."

I turned and walked out.

~0~

**Chapter End Notes:**

**My thanks to CandyTwi - awesome beta and friend.**

**Sorry for the late update…sorry for the bland author note. My mind is still reeling seeing Robward in white on **_**the**_** beach...turned me into a wobbling mess I don't think I'll ever recover...**

**No, wait that's not true. I will recover enough to start on Chapter 23...**

**As always, I love to read your thoughts : )**

Luv BBxx


	23. Underscore

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

"All publicity will help the film and both your careers, so I really don't think you should be that upset by the whole thing."

"Upset. _UPSET_?" I shouted down the phone at Carmen, my agent. "I'm not upset, I'm fucking livid! I want you to issue a statement, saying it was all a set-up." I grasped chunks of my hair with my fist, pulling it sharply to distract me from wanting to throw my fucking iPhone at the wall.

"Calm down Edward. That's not going to happen." Her tone was obstinate. "Do you need me to remind you about the terms of your contract? There's nothing I can do. There's no way to prove Royce had anything to do with it, and there's already a bidding war going on. The photographs _will_ be published; you'll just have to deal with it."

I took in a deep breath. It was absolutely pointless arguing with Carmen. I knew she wouldn't take my shit and getting her off side wouldn't help me at all.

"Fine," I grumbled. "I'm not happy. I'll do what's expected of me, but I'm really fucking angry right now, and all I want to do is get back to Vancouver to finish this film."

"I understand," she said curtly. "Now, while I've got you, Liam Berty has sent over a preliminary contract..."

I hung my head. My little rant had fallen on deaf ears.

I recalled the terms of my contract. It stated I was not to openly confirm or deny any romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. That was a strict clause and was enforced up until the movie release. I could be with whomever I liked; I just couldn't publicly declare I was in a relationship. Rosalie was in the same situation, but she knew the media loved to write about us as a couple and she was all for that type of association. Of course the media were going to eat up any pictures of Rosalie and me caught off the film set in a compromising embrace. The pictures would sell for a fortune and every single magazine in the country, no,_ the world,_ would print them.

The rage I felt slowly subsided as I thought of Bella. _I'll tell her it was publicity stunt, explain everything. She'll believe me. I'll _make_ her believe me._

"...so I think you should go ahead and sign it. The filming schedule in Australia is pretty much locked in and the female lead Berty wants will not sign unless she knows you are one hundred percent committed. The screen test will be just a formality. Berty is positive the chemistry will be there."

"If there's a relationship clause, I want it removed. I don't want this happening all over again," I stated.

"Of course, Edward. I'll let Berty know. This will all blow over in a couple of weeks, you know that. I can get the contract across to your lawyer, and Edward, this will be the highest money earner for you to date. You can thank me when you've seen the amount I've negotiated for you." Carmen was practically purring.

_Money, that's what everything always comes down to._

"Sure Carmen, whatever you say."

I disconnected.

Emmett was waiting for me. I was leaving to drive to the airport, to go back to Vancouver. _Back to find Bella_.

I sat in the limo in silence.

The last forty-eight hours had been hell. I had no idea how I would be able to finishing filming; the thought of being on the same plane as Rosalie made me shake with rage.

_How in the hell am I supposed to continue with this film? _

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I turned on my phone, knowing I maybe had a couple of minutes before the battery would completely die. I quickly clicked open my contacts to see Angela's name. I scribbled her number down on a piece of scrap paper and then scrolled down for Edward's number. The screen flickered and extinguished just as the number flashed up, damn. _Well then, I'm not supposed to call him_, I reasoned.

I called Angela from Charlie's home phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Angela, it's Bella."

"Bella – hey! Are you still OK to meet me for lunch?" she asked.

"Um, can we reschedule? I'm in Forks visiting my dad. It was kind of a last minute thing. I'm traveling back to Vancouver today, but I go away to Great Lakes Cabin on Thursday, so maybe we can catch up when I get back?"

"You're in Forks? Edward didn't mention that you were going." she sounded worried. _Had Edward called her, looking for me?_

"I stupidly left my phone charger at the hotel. I haven't spoken to Edward directly since Wednesday, just left him a couple of voice messages. I managed to grab your number from my phone before it totally died. I didn't want you waiting for me, knowing I wouldn't be back in time."

"No problem, Bella. Maybe you can come over before you go away to the lake we can have dinner again; you, me, Ben and Edward?"

I felt my chest tighten. _I can't believe Edward hasn't told Ben and Angela that he's with Rosalie._

"Um, maybe when I get back? I really need some time to bang out some more of my novel. I didn't get much writing done here." There was no way I could imagine ever having a casual dinner with Edward, Ben and Angela again, knowing Edward was keeping his real girlfriend a secret from them.

"Well, it's Ben's birthday in a couple of weeks, so I was thinking of doing something for him as a surprise, but I'm not sure yet. You have to come to that. Promise?" she pleaded.

"Of course I will," I closed my eyes. Ben's birthday, Edward would be there for sure. _I won't be able to avoid him forever._

I needed to change the subject.

"Um, Angela do you remember a guy from your school named Eric Yorkie?"

I heard Angela chuckle. "Of course I do. He was editor of the school paper; we worked really closely together on it. I heard he was a reporter for a paper in Seattle now. Why do you ask?"

"Well, my dad, Charlie, is dating his mom, Elaine."

"No way! Really?"

"Yeah, so I met him and we kinda hung out."

"Did he hit on you?" she asked sternly.

I laughed. "No. My god no! He has a girlfriend, and besides, I'm ninety nine percent sure he'll probably end up being my step-brother. Charlie is smitten with Elaine and well, they make each other happy. So I'll definitely drive down with you and Ben at Thanksgiving, in fact I can't wait, Ange, it will be so much fun!"

"That's awesome for your dad. Yes, I can't wait to get home for Thanksgiving. I'm so glad you can come with us; I can't wait to tell Ben. Bella, I have to go, you know, work and all. Call me when you get back to the hotel, OK?"

"I will. Bye Angela."

I hung up, staring at the wall phone, my heart pounding. How could I continue my friendship with Angela? I should cut myself off from Edward's friends. _I can't pretend I don't know he's lying to them by not telling them about Rosalie._

I packed my small bag and took one last look around my room before I left. I wasn't sure what was going to happen to the room once Elaine moved in. Maybe this would be the guest room that Eric and I would use when we visited. I thought about taking my hidden diaries with me, but I couldn't do it. They needed to stay buried under the floor, in their little fabric and wooden encased tomb. The symbolism of that wasn't lost on me.

Saying goodbye to Charlie wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I knew he was happy with Elaine and I knew I'd see him for thanksgiving. The ferry ride back to Vancouver was also pleasant. I actually used the time to write and when I drove my car off the ferry at Tsawwassen, I knew exactly who I wanted to see.

"Bella, what a surprise!" exclaimed Kate as she opened the door to the cute B&B. "Thank god you're here." she sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Um, I've been having Braxton hicks all day and I don't want to be alone."

"Braxton what?" I asked.

"Hicks. Fake contractions and they hurt like hell."

"You're alone?"

"Garrett is at the hotel working a double shift, and all my guests are off sightseeing. "I feel like I'm falling apart, and I haven't even had a shower today." Kate sobbed and fell into my arms.

"Hey." I soothed, as I gave her an awkward hug. "It's fine, you look fine, in fact you're positively glowing. How about I make us some tea and you can put your feet up. I'm sure your hormones are all over the place. You need to relax."

"God you're a doll," she sniffled. "That would be lovely; I'm just so tired all the time."

Kate lay on the sofa in the sitting room and I went into the kitchen to fix us some tea.

Being at Charlie's and now here in Kate's kitchen I felt useful and content. Plain domesticity, who would have thought it could bring me such pleasure? I kind of winced when I thought about being back at the hotel, the housekeeping maids changing my sheets daily, cleaning my shower and toilet, tidying up after me. The whole experience was foreign, and lonely. Poor Edward, his life was constantly lived from hotels. _How does he stay sane? _

_It's the life he's chosen and he has Rosalie; he has her to be with._

I walked back into the sitting room to hear Kate's soft rhythmic breathing, her face blissfully relaxed in sleep. I sat and drank my tea then got up and went back to the kitchen to unpack the dishwasher and put everything away, put a load of washing on in the laundry, and folded the clothes that were in the dryer.

I said hello to some guests that had popped back in to change before they headed off to dinner. I noticed there was some defrosted chicken in the fridge so I steamed some rice and started making a stir fry when Kate stumbled into the kitchen.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry I fell asleep - are you cooking?"

"Kate, you need to take it easy, I don't mind."

We ate and we talked about her pregnancy and her desire to wind down her life to something more manageable. She was stressed. She was basically running the B&B single-handedly while Garrett worked as a chef at the hotel. She explained the renovations to the owner's living quarters off the main house were taking longer than expected and she didn't have the patience or desire to argue with the contractor. Conflict instantly turned her into a 'cry-baby' (her words).

"What renovations? Why are you doing all this Kate? You should have your feet up, not working like a pack horse 24/7."

"There's another house just behind the rose garden on the other side of the pool. The owners arranged for the kitchen and bathrooms to be remodeled while they're on their holiday. They're running way behind. I was hoping Garrett and I could move in there temporarily when the baby arrives. I don't want to disturb the guests by having a crying baby up at all hours. That wouldn't be fair to them. Garrett has been working double shifts, because the money's too good to pass up– I just, I feel like I'm not coping! I can't bear to lean on him. He's doing his best and I don't want him to think that I'm a whinger."

"Why don't you show me this house Kate? Maybe we can work something out."

Kate smiled and led me into the back garden passed the pool to the rows of gorgeous rose bushes that had the most beautiful scent. There was door, almost concealed, and inside was a little path, and a small cottage that looked like it was built in the 1960's.

Kate unlocked the door, switched on the lights and gave me a tour.

The kitchen was a mess, the cupboards were installed without the doors, and the stove, microwave and dishwasher were still in their packaging up against the dining room wall. One of the two bathrooms was finished in beautiful electric blue glass mosaic tiles with a modern ceramic bath, but the other was a shambles of old cracked tiles and grout and piles of debris sitting next to unopened stacks of the new tiles.

"See," she lamented, guiding me back to the kitchen. "There's no way it will be finished before the baby comes. They were contracted to finish up two weeks ago. I wasn't really concerned until I started getting these contraction thingies...what if the baby comes early? We'll have no guests in the main house, and Garrett won't be working at the hotel. It's going to be a disaster," she wailed, sitting heavily on one of the plastic covered dining chairs.

"Kate, you don't have to worry. I'll help you sort it out. You need to relax, OK? We'll work out an action plan in the morning," I assured her.

"The morning? You'll stay tonight? Please?"

"Of course I will," I smiled.

"Garrett won't be home until after midnight, and I'd feel so much better knowing you were here."

I stayed in the yellow room. Once again I was reminded of my Grandma Swan and how patient and kind she had been. I was thankful that I wasn't back at the hotel, where I knew I'd have to speak to Edward face to face. The thought made my heart rate spike and my stomach drop. I knew I wasn't ready to be able to stand in front of him and be happy that he was with _her_.

Jealously, it was jealously plain and simple, and it was stupid, because after all we were just friends. I'd promised myself when I was in Forks that I'd be happy for Edward. I reminded myself I should be thankful that I even got to meet him and that he wanted to use my lyrics. I shouldn't be in love with the unobtainable Hollywood actor.

But it didn't stop me from dreaming about him again.

~0~

I stayed with Kate until Thursday morning. I spoke to the foreman about the delay and asked what the hold up was. He apologized and told me they had a clear schedule to get it finished within two weeks. Kate was instantly calmer. The tension seemed to leave her body.

"Call me, OK?" I wrote down my number. "I'll be away at Great Lakes, but if you have any more trouble with the contractor, if you need someone to talk to, anything. Promise me? I don't want you getting all stressed out. You have to look after yourself and the little bub in there." I said as I gently touched her prominent baby bump. "Promise?"

"I will. Thanks Bella. I'll see you when you get back?"

"Of course."

I returned Kate's cooler bag and she gave me a small tin of Milo and a packet of Tim Tams as a thank you. How could I say no?

I drove back to the hotel and into the basement car park. I knew Edward would be back from his publicity tour and back on set. I prayed I could duck in and out with no fuss, grab some additional clothes and my phone charger and head straight back out. The cabin was what I desperately needed; time to be alone and decide what I wanted to do, about everything.

Walking into my hotel room was surreal. Everything looked the same. The hotel was the same. I don't know why I thought being away for a week would have changed anything, but _everything _for me had changed. I held no desire to be here.

I hastily packed my bag, found my phone charger and was about to leave when I noticed the message light on the hotel phone. I dialed in to hear the messages.

They were from last week, the night I left; five messages, all from Edward. The last one was the most difficult to listen to. He sounded so frustrated and angry with me.

"Bella, _please_, you need to call me back. I need to speak to you, in person."

I dialed his hotel extension, nervous, but determined to sound happy. I didn't want Edward knowing I was an emotional wreck. I'd rather he believed I was happy for him, happy for them both.

"Hey stranger, it's me, Bella. I'm back from Forks, but off for one of my side trips. I really need the writing time. I'm sure you understand it has nothing to do with your..." _Fuck_! I was gong to say girlfriend. _I'm fucking this up._ I coughed. "...our song. I think the paperwork is ready to sign; I'm just waiting on my friend to let me know when she's set up a time. Your lawyer will probably do that too I suppose? Um, OK, gotta go, got a long drive to the Lake. I'll probably see you on Wednesday. Bye."

I hung up the phone, but it was as if my hand was stuck to the receiver.

_I need to get out of here._

I rushed to the door, flung it open and found Mike standing there.

"Hey Miss...Bella," he smiled.

"Hi Mike. Um, I wanted to thank you for arranging for my ferry trip and the B&B. Kate and Garrett are just, awesome. I loved it there."

"I thought you might," he smiled back. I notice he was holding a familiar looking Australia Post branded parcel.

"Oh, this came for you while you were away. Are you going somewhere else?" He motioned to my large bag.

"Yes, I've rented a cabin by a lake. I'm driving there now, coming back on Tuesday." I shifted my weight from foot to foot. Holding open the heavily weighted door was becoming a bit awkward.

"Let me carry that," said Mike, automatically taking my bag and handing me the much lighter parcel. "I'll bring this to your car."

"Thanks heaps," I said as we walked to the lift. I turned the parcel over. It was from Jessica. _Those letters she said that came for me, maybe?_

Mike asked me about where the cabin was as we descended to the car park. He loaded my bag in the boot and I threw the parcel in as well. I was suddenly extremely excited about going. I had the map ready.

"Have a safe trip Bella. I'll see you on _Tuesday_ then?"

"Yep, thanks Mike."

I jumped in the car and took a deep breath. I just need to get away again.

**~~Edward~~**

I sat at our booth, in the hotel's VIP bar; a bottle of Bella's favorite wine chilling in the ice bucket. By eleven o'clock I knew she wasn't coming. I'd spent the night monotonously dialing her cell, praying I wouldn't get the same recorded message that her phone was switched off.

I drank the wine. I couldn't even attempt to play the piano. Instead, I wallowed.

James looked concerned. I didn't speak to him. I didn't want to speak to anyone, not after I'd spoken to Mike before I'd come up to the bar. He hadn't seen her since she left for Forks. She hadn't come back.

I looked again at my phone, 11:15pm. My mom would kill me if I called Chief Swan's number this late, but what did I care? I needed to hear Bella's voice.

_Fuck it._

I called.

I could feel my pulse pounding in my ears and my fingers were trembling. The phone rang three times, four, five. No answer. I hung up and left the bar.

Wednesday night was the same. She never showed.

I was a mess on Thursday as well. Rosalie and I were barely interacting. The tension on set was almost unbearable. She'd gone back to being cool and bitchy. Heidi had called me to say she had made an anonymous bid for the pictures. Her six figure offer was outbid.

I fumed, knowing that the photos could appear online or in a magazine any day, and if they did before I got a chance to speak to Bella it would be next to impossible to convince her that they were a set up.

There was still no answer at Charlie Swan's house. _Was he never home?_ I thought twice about calling the Forks Police Station. Chief Swan had always seemed intimidating. I was too much of a fucking chicken to call him to ask where Bella was.

A small yet frustrating slice of comfort came when I got back from sitting in the bar until midnight. There was a message on my hotel line.

"Hey stranger, it's me, Bella. I'm back from Forks, but off for one of my side trips. I really need the writing time. I'm sure you understand it has nothing to do with your..."

She paused then cleared her throat.

"...our song. I think the paperwork is ready to sign; I'm just waiting on my friend to let me know when she's set up a time. Your lawyer will probably do that too I suppose? Um, OK, gotta go, got a long drive to the Lake. I'll probably see you on Wednesday. Bye."

I listened to the message over and over. _She's going to a lake? Fuck! Maybe she told Angela where_? It was way too late to call anyone. I kept listening to Bella's message until I couldn't stay awake any longer.

The first person I called in the morning was Ben.

"Edward?"

"Hi, how are you?"

"I'm OK, what's up?'

"Has Angela heard from Bella at all this week?"

"Yeah, Bella cancelled their lunch date on Tuesday. Why? You sound upset."

"Rosalie pulled a bit of a stunt while we were in New York. Paparazzi set up. It's going to look really bad."

"How bad?"

I sighed. "Rosalie's dress halfway up her thigh, desperate kissing, her hair out of place. _Fuck!_ I haven't seen the pictures, I don't know, but the look on the asshole photographer's face gave it away. The fucker is going to be a very wealthy man."

"Just tell Bella now Edward, clear up the misunderstanding," Ben said sympathetically.

"I would, but she's left the hotel; I thought maybe she mentioned to Angela where she was going? She said something about a Lake."

"Hang on Edward." I heard Ben call out to Angela. I could hear their conversation, it sounded like Angela was in the shower.

"Babe, what lake is Bella going to? Edward forgot to write it down," _sly bastard_, I grinned.

"Um, somewhere with a cabin; Great Lakes Cabin maybe? I'm sorry; I can't be one hundred percent sure," Angela called back.

"Great Lakes Cabin," stated Ben to me. "You're going to go after her?"

"Yeah, if I can convince Emmett to let me have a weekend to myself."

Ben scoffed, "Yeah right, as if he'll let you drive to some cabin by yourself. Fat chance Edward."

"Well, can _you_ come with me? I need a car, it's not like I can just go and rent one, they'd probably GPS track it and I'll have a fucking circus of photographers follow me." I shuddered at the thought.

"I can't, got rehearsals and some studio time at The Factory, It's costing us a fortune. I was going to ask if you wanted to come in, lend us a hand?"

I thought about being in a real recording studio, and a rush of excitement flowed through me. But then I thought of not speaking to Bella and it was no competition. "I'd love to, but I need to speak to Bella. That's all I can focus on right now."

"You going to tell her about Alice's dream then," he sounded hopeful.

"I don't know. Don't you think Bella should actually meet Alice first? I mean, she could completely discount it all as a bit, you know, well, it's pretty unbelievable wouldn't you say, if you hadn't met Alice?"

"I suppose, but lying to her, or keeping it from her and then she finds out, what will she think then? I really think you should be upfront with her about it."

I tugged at my hair. How was I going to tell Bella my sister can 'dream the future' and that she dreamed of Bella when we were sixteen?

Jasper's advice was coming from his side, being the recipient of the knowledge that Alice had dreamt about him, knew they were meant to be together since she was fourteen. He believed her, but it still freaked him out to the point where he rejected her for four months.

"Seriously Ben, if you didn't know Alice and I told you that story, you'd laugh in my face."

"Yeah, probably. Just don't do what I did with Ange, OK?"

I was kind of surprised. It had taken Ben three years to get enough courage to ask Angela on a date, and only after I'd prodded him, repeatedly.

I thought Ben would question me on whether I'd talked myself into my feelings for Bella based on Alice's prediction, rather than just letting it happen naturally.

"Don't worry; I'm going to tell her exactly how I feel and what I want. I just have to find her first."

The second person I called was Emmett.

~0~

**A/N: **OK, I'm sooooo very sorry this update has been a long time coming. I could ramble on about real life, blah blah…but well, I won't bore you. I was kind of distracted with writing an entry for the Pick a Pic challenge - it's on my fanfiction profile called _Billionaire (so just click on my icon top left hand corner of the page._

Be warned it's fluffy with a lemon and very tongue-in-cheek… but apart from that, I was also beta for CandyTwi's _Fairytale _(Candy1 on Twilighted)

w w w. fanfiction. net/s/6513097/1/Fairytale

and MPG's _Letters to You_

w w w. fanfiction. net/s/6332932/1/Letters_to_You

– both fantastic and very different fic's, tell them I sent you.

It was trying to get into _Episode_ Bella's rather annoyingly neurotic head-space that caused the delay. Am I forgiven? Next chapter – their reunion. _Finally_, I can hear you sigh…(and yes you can YELL at me in a review!)

Thanks so much to those that PM'd me to tell me they were missing my character's…you know who you are! Thanks to CandyTwi for her editing and daily encouragement and to my W C gals… what would I do without you all (gchat fails be damned)?

P.S. Some very fantastic Aussie's have put together Fandoms Fight The Floods w w w. fandomsfightthefloods. blogspot. com/ to help our friends in Queensland rebuild. I am writing a one-shot, and so many fab authors are contributing, so please donate to the official Queensland Government appeal

w w w. qld. gov. au/floods/donate. html and email in your receipt to the fab gals so you get–what will no doubt be deliciously HOT– a one-shot compilation from several Fandoms (not just Twilight). Hassle your favourite author to sign up as well!

Luv BBxx


	24. Em Dash

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I drove up the winding gravel driveway to the cabin, so excited and with a new outlook. It was a real log cabin with a little porch. I'd never seen anything like it before, well, not in Australia anyway. Tall trees lined each side of the cabin and I saw a well-worn walking trail leading into the forest. The lake itself was maybe a thirty-meter stroll to a rocky bank. The beauty of the place was inspiring; the lake, the heat, the smell, everything so new and different.

I bounded inside and checked the place out. There were two bedrooms. The larger one had a massive bed, a small TV mounted on the wall, a dresser and mirror. The room with the smaller bed had antique furniture, and a beautiful large window that would get the morning sun.

I knew I wouldn't be watching TV, so I decided to set myself up in the smaller room. It felt more homely, and I knew waking up to bright sunlight would ensure I made the most of this extended weekend. I pulled the soft curtain aside, hauled up the wooden venetian blind and opened the window as far as it would go, allowing the gentle breeze to blow through the fly screen.

The bathroom was classic 70s mustard yellow and brown tiles, but it was well maintained and clean. The walls were timber slats, mounted horizontally; it kind of reminded me of a sauna. The combined bath shower was deep and they even had little hotel sized bottles of bubble bath and shower gel.

I spent the next hour putting away the groceries, setting up my laptop, hanging my clothes, and arranging my perfume and hair brush on the dressing table. Now the place felt like home. I popped on my sun hat and took a walk to the lake.

I flipped off my shoes to dip my toes in the water; it was brisk, but clear and inviting.

_I can wear my new bikini! _But first things first.

Before I knew it I was back inside and typing furiously on my laptop. The writing distracted me somewhat from thinking of Edward. Yet I still found myself daydreaming about him; his hair, his beautiful eyes, the way I had felt when he kissed my cheek, or laughed, or smiled at me.

_There I go again, projecting my feelings on him, wanting him, torturing myself. Like I never learnt my lesson with Riley, like I would never learn._

An hour after lunch I decided I would go for a quick dip in the lake. I swam, letting my mind go blank, then, when my heart rate was up, I lay on my back and floated, staring at the sky. I could feel my hair swirling around. I wiggled my toes feeling the fresh cool water swishing in between them. If I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine being back in Sydney. I wondered what Riley was doing. Then I stopped myself. I instead let myself imagine what Edward was doing. _He'd be on-set, maybe filming another kissing scene with his girlfriend and co-star, Rosalie Hale._

Now I was far from relaxed.

I started to tread water and my foot brushed against a slick cool rock. My feet found purchase and I stood there, crouching so my shoulders were covered in the cool water. The breeze had picked up slightly. My body shuddered. It was suddenly too quiet. I felt so alone. _Why do I feel this way?_ It suddenly dawned on me. I wanted someone in my life. I missed the feel of Riley holding me in his arms. When he'd held me, I felt indestructible, that life was easy, that I was blessed to have someone to love. Having tasted it, I couldn't kid myself into thinking it didn't exist, or that I could live a happy or contented life without it.

I got out of the water, slowly strolled back to the cabin, and took a warm shower. I didn't bother with my hair, no one would see me here, what did I care if it became knotted and frizzy?

I stood holding my mobile phone in the kitchen and tried to get enough bars to indicate there was coverage.

_Nothing_.

_What would I say if I could speak to Edward right now?_

_I miss you; I want you, dump Rosalie and be with me._

I actually laughed out loud at the absurdity. _OK, from now on, no pining for him – just feel happiness and gratitude that he wants to be my friend_. _It's all I can realistically expect._

I decided it was the perfect time to sit on the porch in the fading sun and finish reading the novel. I wondered how different it was to the script that Edward had. Would the character dialogue be the same, or highly adapted to suit the brevity of the movie?

I kept reading until the end.

Nicholas and Georgia's story was kind of tragic; everything they did had a follow on effect that inadvertently sabotaged their relationship. The frustration and disappointment you felt as a reader was excruciating. It was easy to see how they could turn it into a movie. The performances would have to be pretty convincing to actually pull it off though, because in a way, it was still kind of cheesy. Without the emotion of great acting, it would be lame and indulgent. I suppose Liam Berty as a director had enough Hollywood credibility to be able to accomplish something that was far from lame. This movie could be huge for Edward. As if he needed any more female fans, this would bring in an older audience, and shore up his career as a dramatic actor, one that had an emotional quotient that would satisfy fans of romance and drama.

I eventually went to bed, thinking of Edward.

The next morning turned out to be an even more glorious day, though shreds of loneliness still clung to me. The sun was hot, and there was a light crisp breeze. I set off on a walk before breakfast, taking the trail by the lake, and I made myself think about what I would do when my novel was completed. I'd keep writing, get a job if I needed to, and I promised myself I'd have a dedicated plan to get out and about and see more of Australia. I thought about those three months that I hid away with Riley in my apartment. I made a promise with myself that I wouldn't do anything like that again. I also decided I'd change my apartment when I got back; a coat of paint, maybe some new furniture, a brand new bed.

My stomach felt queasy thinking about my bed and everything Riley and I had shared there. In a few short months I'd gone from virgin to insatiable wanton sex fiend. I hadn't been able to get enough of him. The way he had looked at me, the way he'd touched me. His kisses, the way his hands caressed me.

_Would I ever feel that again?_

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

My leg bounced up and down and I clutched my hands in front of me, wringing them around and around, tugging on my fingers, squeezing them, popping my knuckles; all my pent up nervous energy was getting more pronounced the closer we got to the cabin.

"Fuck, Edward. I'm gonna turn the car around and head back to the hotel in a minute if you don't stop. You're driving me nuts, and I'm trying to concentrate." berated Emmett.

"Sorry. Nerves."

"Why are you so nervous? She likes you, right? You tell her how you feel and then...you know."

"It's not as easy as you make it sound," I stated flatly.

Emmett didn't respond. We drove in silence for another few miles. I tried not to fidget, and I tried to stop thinking about and wishing I had a pack of cigarettes to calm me down.

Ben had been right, Emmett had laughed at me when I asked if he would loan me his car to drive myself to find Bella. We came to a compromise. He would sneak me out of the hotel on Saturday afternoon. He said if Bella could do it, he sure as hell could. He predicted the drive would take four hours after I told him where it was–Great Central Lake. _Thank god for Google_. We'd find Bella and if she was agreeable, we'd stay with her Saturday _and_ Sunday night, and we'd leave extremely early to drive straight to the set Monday morning. If Bella didn't want me there, I had to promise him I'd get straight back in the car and we'd stay in a Motel in Alberni and head back to the city Sunday morning. I agreed to all his terms. I prayed that she would hear me out and she wouldn't send me away.

The silence in the car was becoming uncomfortable. Emmett broke it.

"Is Tanya really the last woman you've...um, you know, _been_ with?" He tried to sound casual, but his curiosity, his _disbelief_ kind of rang out loud and clear.

I closed my eyes. There was no point in lying to Emmett. He'd worked with me for the last two years. He knew about everyone I'd met and everywhere I'd been in that time. He knew I hadn't been with anyone. Bella taking me to Laurent's was the first time in two years he hadn't known exactly where I was.

"Yes."

"Right," he stated bluntly.

I ran my fingers through my hair. _Shit, will Bella think that I'm just tracking her down at the cabin because I know she's alone there?_

I thought back to the conversation I had with Harold Greene, my lawyer, earlier in the day.

The Berty contract was being amended. I knew it would probably go back and forth for a while. As long as there wasn't a relationship clause, I was keen to sign. The thought of filming a movie directed by Liam Berty–better yet, in Australia–was uplifting. _Bella and I will be together, she will be with me._ I needed to have a positive attitude.

The copyright paperwork was also ready. Harold was going to come to Vancouver next week; I just had to lock in a day with him. He would run through it all with me and I'd sign, Bella would sign, _Episode_ would be ours. Then I could concentrate on getting Jace to allow Marcus to use it on the soundtrack for the film.

All I needed to do now was talk to Bella.See her, hear her voice, touch her and tell her what I'd planned to before Rosalie had barged into my suite and ruined everything.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

The quiche was cooling and the salad was tossed. I relented and opened the fridge. There it was, the bottle of wine that Edward had sent to my room with his note; the morning after I'd handed him the lyrics and ran out of the purple bar, mortified.

I couldn't believe that was three weeks ago. It seemed like a lifetime and here I was alone, in this glorious cabin, missing him. I missed Edward. I missed speaking to him. I felt hollow without him. I knew he was with Rosalie, and even though he said he didn't want our friendship to change, it already had.

I wondered what would happen when I did go back to the hotel. _Would I go back to the purple bar?_ _Maybe I should just leave the hotel, and go and stay with Garrett and Kate?_

Could I really just not see Edward again?

No, I could never consciously choose to do that. Just talking to him, sitting next to him would have to be enough for me. There could be nothing else between us. We would be friends as long as he was staying in the hotel and then he'd leave and I'd leave and that would be it. We'd probably never need to even talk about the song; once I had signed the legal people would handle everything else.

I took a long gulp of the icy cool wine._ Fuck, I should just get blind drunk, maybe then I wouldn't feel so lonely._

I took a plate from the cupboard and placed some salad on the side. I was about to slice into the quiche when I heard the distinct sound of tires on the gravel driveway.

Panic ripped through me. I grabbed my phone from the kitchen bench checking the coverage. _Still no service. Calm down, it's probably someone who's lost, needing directions._

I hurried to the window. Realizing I was still holding the knife, I placed it on the little hall table before I peered through the timber venetians. There was a car but I couldn't see inside it; the headlights were too bright. Then they extinguished, and the hum of the engine stopped. I blinked then watched as a tall and very muscular man got out of the drivers' side and started walking around the cabin towards the lake.

_He looks familiar._

I looked back to the passenger seat.

_Edward!_

My whole body reacted; I was out the door and standing on the porch in a flash. Edward was out of the car as soon as he saw me. He was grinning and came bounding up the steps two at a time. His arms surrounded my waist, lifting me clear off my feet and spinning me around. I was in complete shock; my arms automatically wrapped around his neck, without thought, like blinking.

I lost my breath. His warm body touched mine and I felt the all consuming pulsing as adrenaline coursed through my veins. I felt happy and in that same instant I felt the buzz that always encompassed me when he touched me. My skin tingled; the combined sensations were overwhelmingly intense.

Edward placed me on my feet, his arms still around me and he looked into my eyes for a split second; his were gleaming. I held my breath, startled, as Edward buried his face against my neck. He hadn't shaved, the rough spiky facial hair grazed my skin, sending a shiver through me then his warm breath caressed my earlobe.

"I've missed you, _so_ much," he whispered in that sensual voice, full of emotion.

"Edward," was all I could mumble as the feel of his body sent shock waves through me. My head was still dizzy from his swinging me around.

He kept hold of me, slowly squeezing me then I felt his lips against my neck. My stomach dropped and my already thumping heart rate skyrocketed.

_No, no, I'm imagining it. He's not kissing me, he's not!_

But he was.

His soft wet lips were gently, delicately kissing my neck. I thought I was going to faint. Instinctively, my arms pulled him closer to me. The tingling, the buzz, it was zinging through my body; questions were flying through my psycho brain but I couldn't find the ability to voice them.

_Why are you here? Why aren't you at the hotel? Does Rosalie know you're here?_

"Ed! I told you to stay in the car, jeezus!"

Edward froze, his mouth lingering on my neck. He placed one more soft kiss on my flushed skin and then pulled back to look at me. His mouth was wet, his eyes roamed my face, his arms squeezed me tighter.

_Edward kissed me!_

He kept his voice low. "This is the right cabin, Emmett. This is Bella," he sighed, his sweet breath caressing my face. He loosened his tight hold but didn't release me. It seemed that I had lost all mental coherence. It took too much effort to avert my eyes away from Edward to even acknowledge that Emmett–who I recognized from photographs as Edward's bodyguard–was standing next to me.

I slowly pulled my arms from around Edward's neck and tried to step out of his grasp; feeling elated but silly, aware that our embrace could have been taken the wrong way.

Edward frowned, but let me go.

I held my hand out to Emmett. "Hi, I'm Bella." _Der!_ _Fuck, get it together!_

He smirked at me and his huge paw of a hand shook mine sharply, twice. "Whatever you're cooking, it smells delicious. So, considering we drove all this way..." he said, looking through the front door into the cabin.

"Um, quiche," I blinked. _This is surreal._

Emmett walked into the cabin. I slowly looked at Edward; he stepped forward and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. "I made Emmett bring me. We came straight from the hotel."

"How did you know I was–?"

"I tricked Angela into telling me. Please don't be mad with her. No one knows I'm here, except Emmett."

_No one? Rosalie doesn't know he's here?_ I felt my body stiffen.

"Then, why? Is something wrong? Is it about the song?" I sounded panicked. _Why in the world would Edward want to see me here this late on a Saturday night?_

He stepped even closer to me. "Kind of, well the song is my excuse. I need to talk to you and I couldn't wait any longer. You don't know how much it's been killing me not being able to contact you." He took my hand. His fingers were warm, soothing. His voice was seductive and sent shivers up my spine.

"Do you have any beer, Bella?" bellowed Emmett, breaking the moment. I snapped my hand out of Edward's.

_This is freaking me out._

I turned and walked inside. I could feel Edward close behind me, his eyes on me. I felt myself trembling.

"No, I'm sorry, just wine." My voice sounded weird.

"OK, that'll have to do. I really need a drink. Edward?" Emmett questioned.

"No thanks," said Edward. "I'm not drinking tonight."

Edward and his bodyguard had driven from the hotel here, to see me? Edward _missed_ me? I needed to pull myself together.

_Lock it down, shut it down, it's not what I think. He's with Rosalie. I need to calm down. There's an explanation for...there's a reason he kissed me._

_Something doesn't feel right._

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed two more plates. There was enough for all of us and Emmett took no time in pouring himself a glass of wine, wagging the neck of the bottle enticingly at Edward as if to tempt him to change his mind.

I suddenly remembered that I'd left the knife on the hall table and felt silly that I'd been so distraught a few minutes earlier. The whole situation was more than surreal, because Edward was the last person I'd ever thought would find me here, no matter how much I'd been daydreaming about it.

"You made this from scratch?" asked Emmett.

"Yes, I did, it's really not hard to make," I said.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me. I didn't want to look up at him though. I suddenly remembered that my hair was a frizzed bunch of knots, I wasn't wearing makeup, and I hadn't showered after swimming in the lake today.

_God I must look and smell awful!_

I served the food, and then took the plates to the table.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

Bella was nervous and skittish and she wouldn't look at me throughout dinner.

I recalled the feel her, her body under the palms of my hands. I had held her, elated that I could finally be with her. I really hadn't been conscious of what I was doing until Emmett's voice had snapped me out of my trance. I'd been assaulting Bella's neck with my lips.

She tasted like spring water, with a hint of salt. Her floral aroma was still there, just lingering in her hair that was a sexy, disheveled mess. She was wearing a short dress; her long creamy legs were in full view and that view was heart stopping.

"So, Bella," said Emmett through a mouthful of salad as we sat around the small square dining table. "Edward would like to ask you something."

Bella looked at me, her face turned crimson as she placed her fork down.

"I was just going to ask if Emmett and I could stay here tonight. It's totally OK if you're not comfortable with that, we can drive back to the hotel." I said, staring at her, silently praying she would say yes.

"Um, there are only two bedrooms," she spluttered.

"That's OK," Emmett said with a huge fucking grin on his face. I was seconds away from kicking him under the table, fearful that he'd say something inappropriate. "Edward can sleep…on the sofa, right Edward?"

I scowled at him. "Yes, sofa is fine for me." I said casually.

"You're too tall to fit on the sofa," said Bella shyly. "Um, I'll sleep there and you can have my bedroom."

"No, there's no way I'm kicking you out of your bed. The sofa is fine, really." I assured her.

"You know guys; you could always just _share_ a bed," said Emmett as he took a sip of wine.

_Oh Fuck_. His words sparked an all too vivid visual that made a certain appendage instantly hard.

"Um, I…" Bella looked mortified.

I couldn't help but feel the sting. _No, fuck, she thinks I'm with Rosalie, no wonder she's freaked out._

"No, I'm taking the sofa," I said sternly; my glare trying to burn holes in Emmett's head.

Emmett laughed. "Edward actually wants to know if we can hang until Monday morning. I have to drive him to the set real early. It seems pointless driving all the way back to the hotel. Right Edward?"

I stared at Bella. _She's so exquisitely beautiful_.

"Edward?" Emmett prompted.

"Is that OK, Bella? The hotel's just not the same without you there," I watched as her cheeks flushed pink again.

"Um, sure that's…fine. I'll be writing, you'll have to amuse yourselves," she picked up her glass. "The lake is fantastic though," she added quickly. "I've been swimming; it's still pretty warm considering the time of year." She took a long gulp of wine.

I couldn't help but get even more turned on when her lips touched the lip of her wine glass. _Does it to me every time_.

"What time will you leave on Monday morning?" she queried.

"Probably five a.m." said Emmett. "You should come with us Bella; spend the day on-set. You can hang with me, it's always fun watching Edward _attempt_ to do stunts," he chuckled.

"I'm actually staying here until Tuesday," she said softly.

"Well, maybe you can visit the set another day?" Emmett suggested, shoveling the second huge slice of Bella's quiche into his big mouth.

"I didn't think fans were allowed to see any of the filming?"

"Well," he chewed and swallowed. "I know some _people_," he said, raising his eyebrows.

_What the fuck is he doing?_

"You'll have to sign a non-disclosure agreement, of course. It can't be leaked that Edward's stunts are so lame-ass, they have to get a body-double to reshoot the scene." He laughed.

"Hey, you know that was only one time and I was having a bad day." I argued back.

_Why is he pushing my buttons like this? I knew he'd make this difficult for me._

I glanced at Bella she was looking back and forth at us with a slight smile on her lips.

"I've always wondered what it would be like on a real movie set, so maybe I'll take you up on that offer, thank you. Not Monday though, but I'd be happy to sign something if I need to." She looked at me as she sipped her wine.

_Her lips_. _Fuck_!

"So, Bella, can you show me what room I'm in?" said Emmett.

I watched as Bella, her cheeks still a rosy pink, stood and smiled at Emmett, then walked to the hall off the main living area. I wanted to follow, to see what room _she_ was in, but I dare not stand. I could only imagine what Emmett would say if he saw that my dick was trying to burrow itself out of my jeans.

_Shit. Fuck. Shit_. _I just need to get her alone and tell her._

I didn't want Emmett within earshot. What if he overheard me explaining to Bella that Rosalie was trying to get me to fire him so she could have Emmett as her own personal bodyguard sex toy?

They returned a few minutes later, Bella carrying a pile of sheets and a pillow. Before I knew what was happening she was making up the sofa and Emmett was calling me to go and help him to get our bags from the car.

"Fuck Edward, what's wrong with you?" He said to me when we walked off the porch.

"What do you mean? You're the one making jokes about my lack of athleticism. What was that all about?"

"I gave you the perfect opportunity to share the same bed with Bella and you choked. That's what you want isn't it? That's why we're here, so you can get laid?"

"Fuck Emmett, I'm not here to do that. I want more than _that_."

"Yeah? Then that conversation we had in the gym two weeks ago was bullshit was it? You told me you wouldn't get involved romantically with Bella because you're _working_ together?" Emmett hauled my guitar case from the trunk and shoved it at me. "Make up your mind."

"I'm going to–"

"Look, I brought you here because I knew if I didn't you'd do something stupid and I'm employed to protect your ass and _stop_ girls from throwing themselves at you. Don't fuck around, Edward. Bella seems like a nice girl who has stars in her eyes. I know you don't get it, hell, I don't even get it, but you have to realize that women find you irresistible. Sucking on her neck, staring at her and talking to her in that 'I'm-sexy-as-fuck' voice is sending her a big message. It looked like you were going to launch yourself across the table and devour her! Don't be a fucking douche. Work out what you want, and keep your cock in your pants until you do."

I stood gob smacked. He was right. I had been staring at her with longing and lust. _She probably thinks I'm a dick_. I was going to explain, I _wanted_ to explain to him, but didn't want to have to reveal to Emmett the sordid details of the scene in my suite that unfolded between me, Bella and Rosalie.

We walked back into the cabin with our overnight bags and my guitar. Bella had made up the sofa, cleared away our plates from the table and was packing away in the kitchen. Emmett punched me, harder than necessary, in the arm and disappeared into the bedroom.

_Now's my chance_.

"Hey," I said.

She looked up at me and smiled.

"Thanks, for letting us gate-crash on you. I really wanted to speak to you, about what happened last week."

She blushed. "You don't need to explain anything, really. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to speak to you. It must have, well you must have thought the worst, but I–"

"I'm hitting the sack. Anyone need the bathroom before me?" bellowed Emmett from the hall. I could have just about pummeled him for his interruption.

"Yes, I do," Bella was suddenly briskly walking away from me.

"Bella, we need to talk." I said urgently.

She looked at me from over her shoulder, but didn't stop walking. "Sure Edward, in the morning? I'm so tired and I just want to brush my teeth and go to bed. We can catch-up tomorrow. Good night." she said dismissively and disappeared into the bathroom.

~0~

I sat alone in semi-darkness on the sofa. I wasn't surprised she was blocking me from explaining. She didn't want to hear me talk to her about Rosalie.

I tried to sleep, but it was useless. The sofa _was_ too small, I couldn't get comfortable. I started fantasizing about walking into Bella's bedroom, crawling into bed with her, holding her. Knowing she was just a few short steps away was the sweetest torture. _I have tomorrow to tell her. I need to ask Emmett to give us some time alone_. I must have drifted off to sleep, but I woke, startled when I heard her voice. I sat up, thinking I had imagined it, but no, there it was again.

"Edward. Edward please…"

I stood, tripping over my bag; I righted myself and walked to her door.

"Edward," she was calling for me. I didn't hesitate. I opened Bella's bedroom door. The curtains were open, the moonlight shining in.

"_Bella_?" I whispered.

She was lying with her ankles twisted in a white sheet. The sight was as if my fantasies had been pulled from my brain and recreated in front of me. She was wearing a white tank and white panties, her legs looked smooth, flawless and pale. I was instantly aroused.

"Edward, _yes_ Edward," she groaned and I blanched.

_She's still asleep and she's dreaming about me?_

I watched her hand glide up her thigh as she rocked her hips.

_Oh fucking hell_. I adjusted myself in my pants. I'd never seen or heard anything more enticingly erotic in my life!

"_Riley_," she breathed.

_What? Who the fuck is Riley?_

I felt a sharp pull on my shoulder. I was suddenly in the dark hall, Bella's door closed and my head spinning with confusion.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" whisper-shouted Emmett. He gripped my bicep forcibly and dragged me down the hall and out of the cabin.

~0~

**A/N: You know me (by now), they can't resolve everything in one chapter...next post coming super quick. You can leave me a review to YELL at me, or to tell me how super delicious it was that Edward couldn't control himself and kissed her neck *dies*.**

P.S. Some very fantastic Aussie's have put together Fandoms Fight The Floods:

**w w w. fandomsfightthefloods. blogspot. com** to help our friends in Queensland to rebuild. I am writing a one-shot, and so many fab authors are contributing, so please donate to the official Queensland Government appeal**: **

**w w w. qld. gov. au/floods/donate. html** and email in your receipt to the fab gals so you get the–what will no doubt be deliciously HOT–compilation from several fandoms (not just Twilight). Hassle your favourite author to sign up as well.

**Why are my author notes so long? Because I've been slack updating the **_**Episode**_** Twilighted forum -**

**w w w. twilighted. net/forum/viewtopic. php?f=44&t=9992**

I will rectify that, so come and chat there: or leave me a question on my blog: boydblog. tumblr. com (or Twitter Boydblog )

**Luv BBxx**


	25. Caret

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I brushed my teeth, shot into my bedroom and closed the door.

_Edward is here! Oh god, the way he kissed my neck, the way he spoke, the look in his eyes._ _Something's not right. Why would he kiss me like that when he has a girlfriend?_

_He can't be here just to talk about the song_._ Something else is going on, I can feel it._

I couldn't relax, my head was spinning with all kinds of delusional scenarios. _Maybe he's just excited that the copyright is almost finalized? It just needs our signatures._ _It didn't take long at all. I thought I had months to be in his life, while we sorted out the song…his ultimate goal was to get it on the soundtrack; maybe that would take months._

I exhausted myself with panic and eventually fell asleep.

It was inevitable; I dreamt of Edward. He was kissing my neck, his large hands surrounded my waist as he nibbled and licked, sending blissful jolts through my body. He lifted me and carried me into his bedroom – we were in his suite at the hotel. Edward removed my clothes, slowly, his lips all over my skin, desperate and moaning. I felt him touching me, slowly working me over to give me the ultimate pleasure.

'_Edward_.'

'_Bella,'_ he kept moaning. _'I want you.'_

'_Edward. Edward please...'_ was my response as he sucked harder on my neck then pushed himself into me.

'_Edward_.'

I felt wanted. I felt complete and contented in his arms as he made love to me.

'_Do you love me?_' he asked, as his body pressed against mine.

'_Edward, yes Edward,_' I responded instantly.

Then I could hear someone's voice, whispering. Suddenly Riley was standing next to the bed, watching me and Edward. It was the fourteen year old Riley; the beautiful boy who had given me my first kiss, the boy who had sparked something inside me that my adolescent mind didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with. As he watched, he looked betrayed, devastated.

I woke up panting. I was equally aroused and depressed. I felt guilty and angry with myself.

I lay in bed, trying to calm my breathing. Edward was sleeping in the other room. Part of me wanted to know why he was here, but the part that wanted to stay oblivious was winning out.

_Did I really want to know why he didn't tell Rosalie he was coming here? Why he hasn't told anyone?_ I understood why he'd want to get away from the oppressive monotony of life in the hotel, but surely he wouldn't want to leave her for the weekend?

I lay awake for a long time. I was still panicky, knowing he was just a few steps away from me. I wanted to go and curl up on the sofa with him, I wanted my dream to come true, for Edward to carry me into the bedroom and worship my body.

I felt a swell of anxiousness rise again as I gave into the physical need and touched myself. I tried desperately to recall the sensations I felt when his lips were on my neck, and combine that with the visual in my dream of him inside me – before the image of Riley appeared and ruined it.

I stifled a moan into my pillow when I came. My heart was pounding and the anxiety turned back into depression. I was torturing myself with fantasies that would never come true.

I pulled the spare pillow into my arms and hugged it, as if it could provide me with comfort, as if it could morph into Edward, and hold me all night.

_That would only ever be a fantasy. _ I tried to rest into a post-orgasmic sleep.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

In my stupefied and erect daze, I was disoriented, until my bare feet left the smooth wooden steps on the porch and hit sharp gravel. The pain in my arm became more pronounced under Emmett's death-grip. He shoved me away when we reached the water of the lake.

"Are you fucking out of your mind?" he seethed. "What the fuck? Watching her sleep while you jerk off? I know it's been two years since you've had some pussy but fuck, Edward that was sick, you're fucking sick. What if Bella had woken up?"

"I wasn't – _fuck _Emmett, she called out my name. I thought she was awake. I just–"

"Well, it sounded like she was calling out another guy's name to me. What the hell is wrong with you, did you even listen to what I said to you earlier? If you wanted to get laid, I could have offered you a selection of women that would have happily and _discretely _serviced you in the hotel_._ They're called _professionals,_ Edward. You didn't have to make me drive you four freaking hours to seduce a fan that's obviously into you."

I closed my eyes and sat on the rough ground, rubbing futilely at my arm, knowing there would be a bruise from Emmett's manhandling.

Emmett was pacing, kicking stones into the lake. He was angry.

"I'm in love with her," I said. "I need to tell her, she doesn't know, and if I don't tell her before those pictures of me and Rosalie hit the stands, she'll never believe me." I clenched my fists. I sounded forlorn, beaten and depressed.

"I don't _just_ want to sleep with her." I added. "I want everything with her; friendship, understanding, love. Bella is _it_ for me, Emmett. I can't lose her. Everything that's happened over the last three weeks has made me see that I can't keep going on like this. I want to be doing my music; I want Bella to be with me. I want the world to know that I'm in love with her. I want her to meet my family and I want to meet hers. I can't even think about not having her in my life."

Emmett sat down on the hard ground opposite me.

"I haven't spoken to her since she misinterpreted something Rosalie said. She hasn't given me a chance to explain; she left the hotel, I went on the junket. The timing has been awful and it didn't help that you interrupted last night when I thought she would hear me out." I said, taking in calming breaths.

"You've only known Bella a couple of weeks – "

"Three," I said, cutting him off.

"Three weeks and you're in love? I mean she's pretty and funny and all, but I think you're deluded from lack of sex. You know you _can _just fuck with no emotional ties Edward. Thousands of girls would kill to be in your bed for one night, and you'd never have to declare undying love for it to happen," he added sarcastically. "You admire Bella's lyric writing, she's a breath of fresh air, but three weeks and you're in love? I don't buy it."

I could have gone into the whole unbelievable story about Alice's ability and how I believe in my heart Bella is the one. Emmett was the kind of guy that probably slept with tons of girls through college without any real emotional connection. I skipped the whole college fraternity life, but I could see that Emmett had lived it; his perceptions of relationships were vastly different from mine.

"I admit I can't control my thoughts of sex when I'm around Bella. Can you blame me?" I asked, seriously hoping he didn't answer. "It's complicated; we share more than just sexual attraction. I can talk to her, she knows the real me, not the Hollywood actor."

"You just said she wouldn't believe you about Rosalie, and to be honest Edward, it looks to me like she's scared to be alone with you. If she _knows the real you _she would know Rosalie isn't your type. It's obvious to me that you make Bella nervous."

I watched as Emmett stood up and brushed the dirt from his ass. "I'm going back to bed, I only got up to take a leak and, well, just make sure Bella is awake and you're invited before you go into her room again, OK? I don't know Bella; she could be trying to trap you into something. There's nothing at all to stop her from calling the media herself. After what happened with Rosalie, you shouldn't be too trusting. Goodnight."

I watched as Emmett walked away. The moon was bright, the lake glistened, the night air was cool.

_He doesn't understand. I know she'd never do that._ I closed my eyes, trying not to let my anger take hold. Emmett was just looking out for me; after all it _was_ his job. _He didn't have to be so fucking forceful about protecting me, at least not from Bella_.

I'm going to tell her. I want to be alone with her when I do. _What if she doesn't want me? What if she is still in love with her ex, Riley; her ex from three years ago?_

I reluctantly walked back into the cabin and lay down on the small sofa, humming the melody to _Episode_, followed by one of the songs that was on the playlist Bella created for me.

I made myself a promise. _I'm not going to leave this cabin until Bella knows exactly how I feel about her._

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

When I woke up, I could sense movement in the living room. I tried to run my hairbrush through my frizzed hair, but it was no use so I pulled it back into a ponytail. I got dressed and put on some perfume before I dashed into the bathroom.

When I walked into the living room, Emmett was pouring himself a glass of juice and Edward was sitting on the sofa with his back to me.

"Good morning!" I said cheerily.

They both said 'good morning'. I didn't look at Edward. I wanted to be in control and for some reason I thought if I looked at him, he'd be able to tell that I'd had the dream. I froze with mortification. _I hope to god I've grown out of talking in my sleep_. I could feel my face flush; I was more than a little anxious at that thought.

I walked into the kitchen and distracted myself by cooking a huge egg and bacon breakfast. We all sat at the table, in the same seats we'd occupied the previous night. There seemed a lot of tension in the air between Edward and Emmett and even though I tried to ignore it, it was making me more than uncomfortable.

We ate in silence. They both gobbled the food down like they hadn't eaten in days.

"That was so delicious, Bella." said Emmett.

"Yeah," said Edward. "I haven't eaten so well since I lived at home."

Emmett laughed. "I was thinking the same thing!" he smiled at me.

I was proud of my ability to make them happy, then after I'd cleaned up the kitchen I set myself down to write.

"Come on Edward, get your running gear on; let's leave Bella alone for a while to do her work." said Emmett. "What kind of book is it anyway Bella? Action, drama, autobiography?" he queried.

"Um, I haven't really classified it yet. It's kind of a drama romance." I said, hoping that he didn't ask to read any of it.

"Well, we'll give you an hour or two. Edward and I need to work off that delicious breakfast."

"I really don't –" Edward began.

"No arguments, Edward," interrupted Emmett.

I was shocked. I thought Emmett worked for Edward but if anyone was casually observing their interaction, Emmett kind of treated Edward like a little brother rather than an employer. It was funny; Edward just seemed to comply, like he knew he wouldn't win an argument, so why should he bother trying.

I could tell they'd known each other for a while. I wondered if they'd been friends before Emmett started working for him. I blinked out of my daze; suddenly aware I had been staring at Edward. He was staring back, and smiling at me. I forced myself to look at my laptop, pretending to ignore them both, but hyper aware that Edward had taken some clothes from his bag and had disappeared into the bathroom to change.

When he came out of the bathroom, I didn't look up but I mentioned there were some bottles of spring water in the fridge and for them to help themselves. With a 'see you soon' from Emmett and a timid 'bye', from Edward, they were gone.

I sat staring at my laptop screen, unable to focus enough to even read or type one word.

I tried to recall the feeling I had sitting next to Edward in the Purple bar. I knew the surroundings were different, but essentially I thought I could get back to that, back to the way we'd interacted before I found out about Rosalie. It was selfish of me to let my disappointment affect the natural level of friendship we'd established over the last three weeks. I berated myself for it. When I looked at the time on my laptop, I was shocked to see I'd been daydreaming for more than an hour.

Before I knew it, they were back. My whole body seemed to react as soon as I heard them walking up the steps of the porch.

They were sweaty and out of breath. I watched, mesmerized, as Edward smiled at me, his cheeks flushed pink, sweat marked in a distinct V on the chest of his navy t-shirt and circles under his armpits. He took off his baseball cap, wrapped his lips around the mouth of the water bottle, tilted his head back and gulped. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, his neck more pronounced because of the angle he held it. It was one of the sexiest things I'd ever witnessed.

"I need to cool off," said Emmett. I looked over to him. "Let's go for a swim in the lake." He proceeded to peel his t-shirt up and over his head.

I stared at his ripped muscles, feeling mildly amused that he was so unconsciously at ease with his perfectly sculpted body. He wasn't trying to show off or be alluring; there wasn't an arrogant bone in his body.

I kind of admired his physique, but it had nothing on Edward's sensual form. I knew some women lusted after bulky arms and rock hard abs, but it didn't really do anything for me. I had always been attracted to slim built men that still had a touch of boyish charm set off by the masculinity of a sharp jaw, or a prominent Adams apple, a pert bum and nice hands and eyes; sensual curves that complemented the lean softness of a body that wasn't overly cut, or with zero percent body-fat. _Boys like Riley, men like Edward_.

"Um, you guys go. I think I'll just finish this chapter." I said, suddenly and instantly flushed at the thought of seeing Edward with no t-shirt on and..._wet_. I knew there would be no way I could look at Edward without a shirt on as casually as I could Emmett's body. I could already feel the heat rising up my chest to my face at the delicious mental vision.

"You should take a break, refresh yourself. Your laptop will still be here in twenty minutes Bella," stated Emmett. "You already look all hot and bothered." he said with a small chuckle.

I looked at Edward. I could see he was uncomfortable.

_If they weren't here I would have been in the lake an hour ago._

_God, just stop! He's just an ordinary guy that has a girlfriend._

I knew Edward wouldn't even look twice at me in the lake. It's not like I had the type of body that could model on the cover of _Sports Illustrated_, like Rosalie Hale.

_It's a swim to cool off, nothing more._

"OK," I said. "Twenty minutes will be enough to cool me off. I'll just get my cozzie on."

Emmett laughed. "Your what? Jeez Bella, talk English? Your accent is confusing enough without you using weird words."

I smiled. "Cozzie," I said in the most ocker voice I could conjure, "short for costume, as in swimming costume. I believe you call them swimmers or bathers? My bik-ee-nee," I drawled in an over the top attempt at an American accent.

Emmett laughed again and shook his head at me. Edward was surprisingly quiet, tugging on his hair that was still damp with sweat from their run.

I walked into the bedroom, stripping off my dress and underwear and put my new bikini on. I looked at myself in the mirror.

_I'm no Rosalie Hale, but this is really cute and the deep blue makes my skin look creamy, rather than pasty and sallow._

I grabbed the sunscreen and smothered it all over my exposed skin, including my face and neck.

When I walked in to the living room, they were already gone. I looked out the window to see them walking towards the lake, deep in conversation. I walked into the kitchen, filled up a plastic jug with ice and water and grabbed three plastic cups. I had my sarong tied around my waist and a towel draped over my shoulder, the bottle of sunscreen tucked under my arm and the jug and cups as I walked down to the bank.

Emmett was already in the lake; I watched as his muscular arms flew, slicing the still water.

"Hey," I said to Edward. He stood facing the lake in maroon board-shorts and a white T-shirt. "Are you going in?"

"Yeah, I just, I'm supposed to stay pale, you know for the film's continuity."

"I have sunscreen." I said. I put down everything else and held on to the pump-pack bottle of SPF30.

"Thanks." He turned fully to face me then, and looked me in the eyes as he removed his t-shirt.

I was totally unprepared to see Edward shirtless standing within touching distance. I absorbed the insanely surreal vision of his broad chest and prominent, delicate collarbones. His chest hair was sparse, his abs not overly defined, just the hint of their shape made me want to touch; then his perfect belly button and the fine dark hair that disappeared behind the waistband of his shorts.

I was embarrassed by my ogling. I looked up at his face. I could have sworn his gaze was trying to communicate something. I looked away quickly. The vision of Edward's upper body was enough to send all the blood in my own body in two directions – straight to my face and between my legs, arousing me more than I could consciously register.

_Holy fucking shit, he's perfect._

"Can you...put some on my back, please Bella?"

I tried to swallow, but my mouth was dry.

"Sure," I croaked. _Stay calm, act normal,_ I chanted.

I fumbled with the bottle, my hands still slippery from when I had put some on my skin not five minutes earlier. I tried to keep my gaze down as I pumped the white lotion onto my palm, furtively flashing a look at his stomach and chest through my eyelashes. I cringed when the squeaking spurting sound of the pump action made me think of extremely inappropriate thoughts of Edward's body and...

I looked up, embarrassed and self-conscious. "Turn around." I instructed curtly.

He did so, and the expanse of his beautiful pale skin had me almost weeping from desire. I stepped forward and placed my hands on him, smearing the lotion all over his back, trying to breathe slowly and silently through my mouth and not collapse in a heap, or turn into a sobbing, embarrassing fangirl. I stood wide-eyed as I took in the feel of him, as my hands ran across the small moles and the dips and bumps along his spine. His shorts hung very low on his hips, and a couple of centimeters of the deep valley of his plumber's-crack was exposed. I glided my hands over and over again. Touching him was like an out of body experience.

_He's letting me touch him!_

_My _body broke out into tiny goose bumps.

After I'd spread the sunscreen around and up and over his shoulders, my head started pounding and I thought I was going to faint. As my fingers brushed over his strong neck, I felt him tense and I immediately removed my hands, shocked by the fact that my fingers were no longer rubbing in lotion, but had been dancing lovingly over his hairline.

"You're all good," I said cheerily, hoping to disguise my desire.

"Thanks, Bella," he said as he bent to pick up the bottle of sunscreen I'd left on top of my towel.

Edward was still facing the lake as he put sunscreen on his chest and stomach and arms. I stood behind him, covertly ogling his ass and back while I poured myself some water and drank, no, sculled was the word. What I needed was straight Stoli.

Before I'd even put my cup down, Edward had dropped the sunscreen bottle and walked forward and into the lake. When the water reached his thighs he dived in gracefully. I spotted Emmett a little ways off, he was laughing as he tread water.

"Come on Bella!" he beckoned to me.

I saw Edward's head emerge, he flipped the water from his hair and eyes with a quick whip of his head and he looked towards me.

_Damn, I should have gone in when he wasn't looking_.

I hastily untied and dropped my sarong and placed my empty cup down before walking into the water, the whole time looking at my feet. I could see the pink tinge to my already overheated and flushed skin, as the shade from the trees blew mottled shadows across me. When I got to waist height, I looked at Edward.

_Had he been staring at me?_

I dove into the water and swam in the opposite direction. I could swim and cool off, but I knew if I spoke to him, if I got too near his semi-nakedness, I would make a complete fool of myself. _He must know how attractive he is?_

I remembered the rock I found on Friday so I swam to where I thought it was. I heard Emmett laughing when my face broke from the water. I shook the water from my ears and felt around with my feet until I found the cool slick stone. I kept my shoulders in the water and rested there. Edward was at least twenty meters away, his hair plastered to his beautiful face.

I was happy he was keeping his distance. I needed to calm down. I was throbbing with arousal, and I simultaneously felt guilty and sorry for myself. I adjusted my bikini bottom, guiding them back to the natural crease of my bum. As I watched Edward, his wet hair and face, I surreptitiously glided my fingers in between my legs feeling how moist I'd become, simply from touching his skin and feasting on the vision of his beauty.

They were talking, but I couldn't hear them; they were too far away. After a few minutes, I watched Emmett dive under the water. His body emerged a few meters from the edge of the bank and he casually sauntered up to the cabin without an explanation. I was about to call out to him when I felt the water swirl around my neck and I heard Edward behind me, close.

"Hey," he breathed softly. "I want to talk to you alone. I need to tell you something and I need to explain."

_Explain? Explain why he'd even want to keep his relationship with Rosalie a secret? Explain why he kissed my neck? _

I ignored his statement, and took a stab at directing the conversation to something else; _anything_ else.

"I wanted to ask you about how your meeting went with the director, Liam Berty?"

I watched as Edward's face went from serious and determined to lighting up in a proud grin.

"I got the part," he said, beaming. The water swirled around his chin. His facial hair was more prominent than yesterday and maybe the longest I'd ever seen it.

_Stop looking at him like that,_ I chastised myself.

"That's fantastic!" _Just keep the topic light and general_, I thought. "I read the book, just finished it yesterday in fact," I said.

"You have the book here with you?" he asked. "I haven't read it; I don't think Berty wants me to. It's probably very different from the script."

"You can read my book, if I can read your script," I bartered. "I'm interested to compare them myself."

The constant motion of Edward's hands and feet as he swirled and kicked in the water was distracting. So was Edward's wet hair that stuck to his head, making his face appear even more perfect. His long eyelashes were clumped together and dark from the water.

_He's so desirable_. I looked up to the cabin. Emmett was still inside.

"Did you enjoy the book?" he asked.

"Some of it was a little...um, cheesy. I liked Nicholas, but Georgia was a bit grating sometimes. It's pretty dramatic. You're really going to have to be convincing as Nicholas or, well..."

"Well...what?" he prompted, smiling at me.

"You know, if you're not completely in it, emotionally, it could turn out to be lame and over indulgent."

He laughed. "Yeah you're right, but I plan to be totally in it. I'm going to live it. I'll _be_ Nicholas. This will be my breakthrough movie, I can feel it. Berty himself said it was Academy Award material. I don't plan on doing anything less than a winning performance."

He was excited. I could tell he was determined to do his best. _Maybe I misjudged him; maybe he doesn't just want to do his music?_

"Have they selected someone to play Georgia yet?" I asked, hoping he would tell me. I'd rather picture anyone else except Rosalie Hale.

"Berty has cast his Georgia. She's waiting for me to sign on, before she agrees." He smiled shyly at me and dipped his chin into the water, covering his lips up to his nose. I could tell he didn't want to tell me what actress they'd chosen. _Maybe because it wasn't locked in? Maybe it's her? Rosalie? She could dye her blond hair brown, or she could wear a wig and contact lenses._

I suddenly felt nauseous. Our light-hearted conversation was now weighed down by my delusional jealousy.

"Do you want to get out, sit in the shade? I really do need to talk to you," said Edward.

I suddenly felt flushed. I watched as his lips touched the water and he blew out a long sigh, the water rippling around his body

"How come you're not out of breath?" he asked. "We've been treading water for ages."

"Um, I'm not. I'm standing on a rock," I laughed.

His eyes grew dark as he moved closer to me. I watched as Edward's arms reached out under the water and gripped onto my waist. The heat from his hands seeped into my cool skin. They were soft, yet holding firm. I felt his leg brush mine. I wobbled a bit; the slick stone under my feet was barely big enough for two.

His breath was labored from treading water; small droplets clung to his pale skin. I could feel my heart rate quicken and the atmosphere change instantly from happy friendly banter to sensual longing – and it wasn't just coming from me. Edward was looking at me as if he wanted to kiss me. I felt his feet trying to step on the stone; they were either side of my legs. I stood to my full height in a panic when my bare knees brushed against the soft nylon of his shorts.

_This is too intimate, too mind-numbingly overwhelmingly close._

"Share," his voice was husky and downright provocative as his face came closer to mine. I was in a daze as the heat of his hands on my waist seemed to be burning me.

_He can't do this; he can't make me want him when I'm trying my hardest to shut that feeling down. He can't touch me this way, he has a girlfriend!_ My desire turned to anger.

"I don't _want_ to share," I stated.

His eyes widened and his grip on my waist loosened. I panicked and pushed sharply on his chest. It was like slow motion; his lips pursed together firmly in anticipation of hitting the water. He clenched his eyes shut at the last second, as the splash of water shot up and into my face, stinging my eyes. I was shocked, and my body was shaking. I had one thought and one thought only.

_Get away!_

I dived under the water and kept swimming until I couldn't hold my breath any longer. I powered freestyle to the bank; my head pounding, pulsing blurry dots appeared in my vision.

"Bella!" he called for me.

I didn't look back. I grabbed my towel, my sarong. _Calm down, stay calm, don't let him see_, I kept chanting_._

I felt supremely devastated. I was crushed at having to admit to myself that my attraction to him, my desire, the love I felt, was what made me so aware that he couldn't be mine – and I just couldn't be his friend.

_He belongs to someone else._

"I'd better keep writing," I called out. I hurried into the cabin and straight to the bathroom.

I didn't see Emmett; he must have been in his room. I was thankful. The silent tears that flowed could not be witnessed by anyone.

With a trembling body and an ache in my chest I stepped into a scalding hot shower. Trying to give myself a new pain, trying to recreate the heat of his hands?

_I can't be alone with Edward. I refuse to be alone with him while he's here._

I was frantic. My skin stung from the heat, and all I could see when I closed my eyes was his lips, his tongue. I wanted them on me, all over my body. I felt overwhelming guilt and shame for thinking such things. I _was_ delusional. He wasn't interested in me that way. He's always been a touchy-feely guy. My deluded mind is playing tricks on me.

I washed my hair. I massaged conditioner through it. I roughly scrubbed my toe and fingernails. The action became a representation of my need to punish myself for even thinking that Edward Cullen could want me.

_If Riley didn't want me, Edward certainly wouldn't._

I rinsed my hair. I'd been in the bathroom for way too long. When I got out and dried myself I saw Edward's or Emmett's toiletry bag. I wanted to unzip it. I wanted to look inside.

I didn't.

_Oh my god, I could instantly be a stalker fangirl. I could instantly abuse the trust he placed in me. He can trust me. I won't tell anyone about Rosalie. I'd instantly sign a piece of paper like Emmett suggested._

I took my time slowly blow-drying my hair straight. My scalded skin had lost its bright red flush. I covered myself in body lotion, wrapped myself in a towel and scurried across the hall to my bedroom.

_I can't avoid him forever._

I collected myself, got dressed, determined to go out there and do exactly what I would have been doing if he hadn't turned up here.

_I need to write._

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

"I don't _want_ to share," she said, then she pushed me. It was like a punch to my heart.

I fell backwards with a muted splash, my ears filling with water, the submerged sound of underwater white noise. My head pounded. I was in shock.

I pushed myself to the surface. She was swimming away from me.

_God, I'm a fucking idiot._

"Bella!" I called.

She didn't turn.

"I'd better keep writing," she said and disappeared into the cabin.

"Fuck!" I slapped my hands down on the water.

_This is freaking ridiculous._

I'd been insanely jealous when I watched her looking at Emmett's body, openly admiring his chest. Her skin had flushed, she'd looked embarrassed, and my heart had ached. I thought it was only me that did that to her; that only I could make her blush that beautiful shade. But she _had_ blushed when I removed my shirt. She had looked at my body, her teeth digging into her lip, her eyes dropped and her breath hitched. I know she feels something for me. I know she was dreaming of me last night – but she was also dreaming about her ex.

I swam back to the bank, wrapped a towel around myself, picked up the jug of water, cups and sun block, and stormed inside. Emmett was standing at the fridge tipping the orange juice bottle directly to his mouth. I glared at him as I placed the items on the kitchen bench.

"What?" he said, holding the juice bottle to his lips. "I did as you asked; I got out of the lake."

I walked to the hall, I heard the shower. "She distracted me and I, well, she didn't give me a chance to explain," I said as I walked back to the kitchen. "I need to be alone with her when she comes out of the shower."

He looked at me, incredulous.

"Not for _that_," I could read his mind. "I still have to talk to her, tell her I want to be in a relationship with her, spell it out. She doesn't understand the whole Hollywood bullshit, she doesn't know about my contractual obligations to the studio. I need to tell her that mine and Rosalie's relationship is purely a professional one before she sees those photos."

He scowled at me.

"Well, Edward, I'm not comfortable in leaving you alone. I'm sorry; it's my job on the line. What happens if we were followed, and some crazy-ass pap turns up here? Or worse still, some stalker fan?"

"I'm not asking you to leave, and if we were followed I think we'd know about it by now, don't you?"

"OK, well, let's see what Bella says about being alone with you, shall we?"

I couldn't ignore the sarcasm in his voice.

"I don't want you to ask her, just make yourself scarce."

"I'll think about it," he said.

"Emmett, come on–"

"Edward, you agreed to my terms when I said I'd drive you four freaking hours to bring you here, its not like I get paid overtime and the studio can't know you're here or they'll have my balls. As far as they're concerned you're holed up in the hotel, _with_ Rosalie. Anyway it looks to me like Bella doesn't feel comfortable being alone with you. Maybe she did see you in her room last night."

I paced, trying not to pull fistfuls of hair from my head.

I heard the low hum of a hairdryer from inside the bathroom.

It was over twenty minutes later when Bella finally emerged. She was wearing a different dress, her hair was long and smooth and silky looking. She was holding her wet bikini. I watched, my mouth watering as she stepped out onto the porch to hang it over the rail to dry.

_She's drop dead gorgeous_.

I even caught Emmett admiring her.

When she'd rubbed the sun block on my back, I'd been instantly aroused. I could do nothing but get in the brisk water, and will it to go down. Emmett had noticed of course, laughing as if it was some huge joke. He wasn't laughing now – he thought I was some lascivious sexual deviant, and I couldn't blame him. I had been aroused when I saw Bella writhing on her bed, calling my name, but he'd only heard her call for _Riley_.

I stared at Emmett from across the room as Bella sat at the table and went back to typing. I was silently trying to communicate with my eyes that I needed to be alone with her.

He furrowed his brow at me, like he was going to do something.

"So Bella, what delicious meal are you cooking for us tonight?" he asked.

She looked up at him. "Um, a barbeque. I have some sirloin and sausages, and salad."

"Well then, I really need a beer to go with that. I'm going to take a drive into Alberni to get some. Probably be a ninety minute round trip, do you need anything?" He started walking to the door and picked his car keys from the hall table.

I tried to hide it, but an exultant grin was threatening to burst forth. _He's fucking brilliant, ninety minutes alone with her_. I was more than excited, that was until Bella spoke.

"I'll come with you," she said and stood up. "I need some wine."

"I'll get it for you." He smiled at her.

"No, really. I want to go," said Bella urgently.

I started to panic; this was not going to Emmett's plan.

"You better stay here with Edward," he said, "You know, keep each other company. I won't be long."

"Why don't we all go?" she said. "I don't mind driving and we'll all get to see a little of the port."

The blood seemed to drain from my body. _She doesn't want to be alone with me._

"Edward can't." said Emmett dismissively. "He might get recognized, they'd follow him back here, and it would be a complete disaster."

She looked anxious. "I hate to tell you this Emmett, but the media and the fans know you are his bodyguard, you're just as recognizable."

I was gutted, she actually had a point.

"No, it'll be fine; I'll be back before you know it," he said, feigning assurance. I could see by the look on his face that he agreed with her.

_Fuck_!

"No," said Bella sternly. "It makes more sense for me to go on my own and you stay here with Edward. If both of you stay out of the public eye, we'll all have privacy."

Her assertiveness was as equally sexy as it was frustrating.

Bella grabbed her car keys from the hall table. "I won't be long. What beer would you like?"

_No No NO!_ I followed her out; Emmett grabbed my arm in warning.

"Heineken for you Edward? Is that OK for you too Emmett?" she asked over her shoulder.

_She's_ _still not looking at me._

I had to stop her. Another ninety minutes without telling her, I just couldn't stand it!

"Bella, we didn't come here for you to wait on us, make us dinner and fetch us beers. Let Emmett go, please," I said.

She wouldn't look me directly in the eye; my heart was breaking.

"I'm just doing what I'd be doing if you guys weren't here. I need some more wine, so I'm happy to go. If either of you were recognized, that would be the end of my weekend, and I don't want that," she said as she walked to her car.

"Bella, please."

She turned as she opened her door. She looked into my eyes. "You know what would make me extremely happy?" she said. The huge grin covering her face made my heart rate accelerate.

"Anything, it's yours," I said wistfully.

"You can clean the grill on the campfire barbeque, so it's ready for tonight. There's ingredients and bread in the kitchen, feel free to make yourselves some sandwiches for lunch." She jumped in her seat, slammed the car door and drove away.

~0~

**A/N: **There was that open-ended invitation to YELL AT ME last chapter, so those that did not take me up on that, can do so now in a review… I do not want to spoil the story, but I will say that you will _all_ want to read chapter 26 and 27 and 28…

For those of you that have read my one-shots and did read my winning entry in the Texts From Last Night Contest –_Exclusively_– I have a surprise for you. I am nearly finished the epilogue (what happened that night and the next morning)? To find out, you need to dig deep; actually $5 is sufficient and donate to the Fandoms Fight the Floods appeal. My _Exclusively_ Epilogue will be in it!

Fandoms Fight The Floods **w w w****.**** fandomsfightthefloods. blogspot. com/** will help our friends in Queensland to rebuild. They now need help even more after the devastation of cyclone Yasi. Please donate to the official Queensland Government appeal **w w w. qld. gov. au/floods/donate. html** and email in your receipt to the fab gals so you get the–what will no doubt be a deliciously HOT–compilation from several Fandoms (not just Twilight).

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	26. Exposition

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Lyrics reproduced without permission from '_Draw Your Swords'_ © 2010 Angus Stone and Julia Stone.

**A/N: The link to the song is on my profile page or cut and paste this **tumblr. com (/) xdm1flr8qq** into your browser **_(delete the spaces and brackets)_

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

"I'm going to watch the end of the game," Emmett stated, placing his empty Heineken bottle on the kitchen bench. "Ed, I'll be up early, going for a run before we head to the set. You up for it?"

I watched as Edward shook his head slightly.

"You know I can't keep up with you. Knock yourself out, wake me when you get back."

"OK, but you know I'm going to push you so much harder at the gym this week! Goodnight Bella. Thanks again for a delicious dinner. You know, a guy could really get used to that," he chuckled and turned to head to the bedroom.

"Goodnight Emmett," I said, then my eyes turned back to Edward. He was staring at me again. It made my heart skip.

"Are you going to keep writing?" he asked me.

Edward had kept his distance since I got back from my short trip to Port Alberni. I'd busied myself with making dinner, sipping my wine and listening to Emmett's stories of crazy fan encounters and the places he'd visited with Edward for filming.

"No, it's a bit late, I'd better get some sleep," I replied. I knew I was blushing. I felt anxious being alone with him.

_Why did everything have to change? Why couldn't it be like it was between us, when we were friends that could just sit and chat for hours in the bar, without feeling so awkward? Did he feel awkward too, or was it just me? _

_It's me, knowing he's in a relationship with Rosalie. He hasn't changed, I have._

"Please, Bella, can we just hang out together for a while? I meant what I said. I missed being able to talk to you." Edward looked around the room then got up when he spotted his guitar case by the door. "I thought I'd wind down, play my guitar, if that's alright?"

There was a massive lump in my throat as I watched Edward unclip the case that housed his acoustic guitar. _Oh God, yes; to hear him play, to hear him sing_. My body shuddered in anticipation.

"I've learnt a new song." He started strumming his guitar then stopped and adjusted the little turny thingies on the top to tighten, or loosen the guitar strings. Watching his fingers and then his face furrowed in concentration made me feel light-headed.

_I can't sit here while he plays the guitar, just me, no one else. Shit._

I quickly stood up and walked into the kitchen.

_More wine. No, tea? No, just say goodnight and go to bed. Oh God._

"Is everything OK?"

I turned to see Edward staring at me. He was standing on the other side of the kitchen bench, holding his guitar by its neck; he looked concerned, he looked disappointed.

"I...um...did you want a glass of wine, or maybe a cup of tea?" I asked, turning away from his intense gaze and opening the cupboard to pull out the box of tea bags.

"No thanks," he sighed.

I was about to flick on the electric kettle to boil the water when I decided I didn't actually want tea. There was still some wine left in the bottle. I looked at the pile of dirty dishes and glasses from dinner then I busied myself retrieving the bottle from the fridge and letting the remainder of golden liquid fill my glass.

I looked up. Edward was still staring at me and I felt myself go red. I quickly looked away.

"Um, you can play, please. I want you...to." I couldn't look at him, but his image was burned into my brain. He was too beautiful in his dark blue plaid shirt and blue jeans, his hair still messy from his swim, his pouty lips.

"OK," he said.

I didn't acknowledge him but I was keenly aware that he'd gone to sit down and I heard him tuning the guitar again. He started to strum some chords, and hum in his sexy velvet voice, and I could feel myself losing it.

I filled the sink with warm water, squirted in the dish washing liquid. The sight of which started a train of very inappropriate thoughts about suds, moisture, Edward, his body and how he felt and how he looked all wet and shiny in the lake this afternoon.

I carefully hand washed each glass, washed each piece of crockery and cutlery, slowly; letting Edward's voice and the soft strumming of his guitar sweep over me. I listened but I dared not look. _How could I look at the musical God that was sitting across the room from me? _His voice was sensual, hypnotic.

I emptied the water and dried my prunish hands on the tea towel, picked up my glass and sipped. He stopped playing.

"Bella?"

I slowly looked over to him. He was sitting on the armchair across from the sofa that he'd slept on last night. His eyes were dark, his face in shadow, the soft glow of the floor lamp muting the light around him, yet illuminating the ceiling in a beam of diffused warm vibrancy.

"Yes?" I replied, knowing I should say goodnight, go directly into the bedroom and never come out.

"Can I ask you something?" he said, his voice low.

"Sure." I said, without making a move.

"Will you sit and listen to this song, please?" the timbre of his voice was pleading, hopeful. "Before you, go to bed?"

_Hear him play one song, then go to bed. I can do that._

I tipped the glass to my lips, drained it and placed it on the sink.

I slowly made my way over to the sofa. Picking up the throw cushion I sat crossed-legged and placed the cushion in my lap. I was opposite Edward and from this angle I could see his face. He looked relieved.

"This song is on the play-list you made for me. I hope I can do it justice, it's, well, I love it. It really made me think of you. It makes me think of us, Bella."

He was staring at me again and my whole body felt a chill run through it. I averted my gaze and focused on the chiffon curtain that billowed in a fluttering wave as the breeze blew in.

Edward started strumming. I listened intently then and like a magnet, my eyes traveled to his hands, the way he held the guitar, his long fingers expertly reaching, pressing, sliding over the strings.

I sat in shock as the chords he was strumming flew around my head in a daze. _No, no. Yes_. I recognized the familiar sweet sound of the song. My heart sunk with each chord.

I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath. It sounded slightly different without the piano, but it was unmistakable.

_Draw Your Swords._

I opened my eyes and looked at his face. His mouth was slightly open, his lips wet, his stare was intense. It was a look I'd seen before, in those watermarked pap photos Eric showed me, when Edward was filming a scene, about to kiss Rosalie.

_He said the song reminded him of me, of us?_

As he sang the first verse my stomach dipped.

_"See her come down, through the clouds_

_I feel like a fool"_

_"I aint got nothing left to give_

_Nothing to lose"_

His voice was raw emotion; a heartfelt harmony of longing. I was hypnotized by his gaze as he held mine and sang. He didn't even look at his guitar; his eyes were locked on me. I could feel the blush radiating up my neck; the shiver of goose bumps tingled with each word he sang.

_"So come on Love, draw your swords_

_Shoot me to the ground"_

_"You are mine, I am yours_

_Lets not fuck around"_

I swallowed, my head light, my heart pumping, blood racing through my veins. _This is a love song, he's singing it to me, no, not just singing it, he's serenading._

_"Cause you are, the only one"_

_"Cause you are, the only one"_

Every muscle in my body tensed, and my mind tried to snap me out of my daze, to get me off that sofa and away from the hypnotic sensuality of Edward Cullen. But I was frozen, my body wouldn't move.

_He's not singing this to me, it's for her. It's for her, not me._

My breaths were increasing in a violent panic of anxiousness because Edward was singing this song to me. His eyes were full of love and devotion and he was looking at me!

_"I see them snakes come through the ground_

_They choke me to the bone"_

_"They tie me to their wooden chair_

_Hear all my songs"_

I waited for him to close his eyes, for him to be visualizing Rosalie Hale, instead of staring at me with the love I so desperately wanted. He didn't close his eyes; they never left mine.

_"So come on Love, draw your swords_

_Shoot me to the ground"_

_"You are mine, I am yours_

_Lets not fuck around"_

His voice was gravelly and husky, strained and intense; his eyes were glistening as he sang. Then his voice was firm and resolute, it shocked me with a feeling of truth; infinite truth.

My heart was breaking; I could feel the burning sting of tears clouding my vision in a haze of wet heat.

_This is what I feel for him, my love, he's singing about my love for him._

_He is everything to me._ My tears spilled down my cheeks in hot streams. Edward watched me, he looked conflicted, but he kept strumming, he kept singing a sensual serenade that was slowly crushing my heart.

_"Cause you are, the only one"_

_I can't endure this._

I pushed the pillow off my legs and stood briskly. I turned my back on Edward, wiping the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand, and started walking to the kitchen.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

"Cause you are, the only one"

I watched in horror as Bella stood up abruptly, a sad look of hopelessness on her tear stained cheeks as she turned and walked away from me.

I stopped playing instantly.

"Bella!" I croaked, placing my guitar on the sofa and hurrying to follow her.

She walked into the kitchen, swiping urgently at her face, as if she could hide the evidence of her tears.

"Bella, please, I need to talk to you." I was determined. I couldn't let her brush me off. I had to let her know. I'd wanted to communicate my love for her through the song, but her tears had thrown me.

_Did the song remind her of her ex? Fuck, I'm an idiot!_

She had her wine glass in hand; I watched as she filled it up with water directly from the faucet and gulped some down.

I waited.

She eventually looked at me then her whole demeanor shifted. Her eyes went blank.

"I'm sorry," she said calmly. "I don't know what came over me. You are..." she dipped her head; her hair fell around her face.

"I'm so tired, I'm going to bed," she stated and walked around the bench towards the hall.

_No, no, don't run from me again_. _I have to tell her. This is my last chance to tell her._

My hand reached out to grab hers as she walked by me. She froze. She wouldn't look at me.

I twisted my hand, digging my fingers in between hers, so it was harder for her to pull away. She looked up at me. I knew she could feel the connection, I could feel it, radiating in a soft pulse through her fingers and into me.

"I need you...to listen to what I have to say." I slowly raised both our hands, my palm pushing into hers, our fingers locked together. Her hand was so small in my grasp, so delicate. My left hand lightly touched her waist.

"I went insane Bella, trying to contact you. I wanted to tell you, I want you to know that what you saw at the hotel was not what you assumed it to be. I meant what I said when we first met. I'm not in a sexual relationship. I haven't been in one for two years." I took in a deep breath; my body was on fire for her. "Bella, I want you. I want to be with you, more than anything in my life. You need to know, that it's you. You're my friend, I want...more, I want to..."

_Just show her!_

I unlocked our hands and I very slowly combed my splayed fingers into her soft hair. Her hand held my forearm as I pulled her by the waist, closer to me. She was dazed.

I was gauging her reaction to my touch. Her face was crimson; her teeth were digging into her bottom lip. I felt her body shiver, even though the room was warm. But all those reactions were secondary; her deep brown eyes showed me everything. The blank look had gone. Her eyes were now like a window into her mind and her heart. They were reflecting back what I felt.

_Bella is in love with me._

Her love flowed out of her, the love was a tingling, magnetic pulse, and I was absorbing it through her skin, her hair, and her gaze.

I wanted to show her my love.

_This will be our first kiss. _

I inhaled then my lips descended; the anticipation of kissing her was overwhelming.

Once my lips met hers I was content. _So warm, soft, delicate_. Slowly, sensually, I pressed my lips to hers again, desperate to feel more of her. My hand lowered from in her hair to run over her neck, lingered across her shoulder and eventually around her waist.

I opened my mouth and moved my lips against hers again. She was breathing heavily, her hands slid up my chest, and as soon as I felt her warm hands on the nape of my neck, I lost my feigned control.

I tried to be gentle, but my testosterone-fuelled body was overcome by lust, relief and love.

_Bella is kissing me back!_

Her sweet mouth held the taste of wine, her tongue was slowly caressing mine, exploring, sharing my breath.

Her hands started fingering my hair, pulling me into her; my tongue became more demanding when she pushed her whole body against me.

But still, I needed more contact with her.

_I need her; I want her in the bedroom. Yes!_

My lips pushed even more forcefully into hers, my tongue probing her mouth in desperation, in hunger. My hands slid down from her waist to touch her firm, beautiful butt. Bella's lips pulled back as she caught her breath, she gasped as my hands gripped her slim bare thighs.

I lifted her, easily. She wrapped her legs around me; one of my hands on the small of her back, the other under her butt. Her soft body molded to mine perfectly. Our kisses were passionate, her hands combing through my hair sensuously. I was so damn hard, and as I started walking I stumbled as I felt the exquisite heat between her legs. Her dress had ridden up, her hot center connected to me. I pulled her into my body almost too tightly.

"I love you," I whispered. I kissed under her ear as I made my way to the bedroom. Bella was sucking on my neck, running soft kisses over my jaw; it was driving me crazy with desire. Her floral perfume swirled around me, making me dizzy, or was it the pulsing heat and the feel of her finally in my arms?

I took in the room briefly as I awkwardly tried to close the door without making a sound. The curtains were still open and the moonlight illuminated the room. I turned and sat on the high bed, Bella's legs still straddling me, pulling her body weight onto my lap, trying to pull her onto my throbbing erection. She pulled her legs down, her shins flat on the bed; she squeezed her thighs against my waist. I kissed her neck, then my hands slowly traveled up into her hair, to guide her face back to my lips.

I wanted this position, with her astride me; our faces in line, her forehead to my forehead, her nose to my nose, her lips to my lips. I wasn't leaning over her. I wasn't dominating her; we were equals. We were connected.

This is how it's supposed to be. We were in this quaint, rustic room with the window open, the cool night air blowing in; fresh air not hotel climate-controlled. The place was real; just like the beautiful woman in my arms that was kissing me. I let all the sensations wash over me. _I'm here; she's kissing me_. I felt relieved that our first kiss, our first caress was not in the hotel but here in this place of natural beauty, like Bella, not ordered designer conformity. My Bella is in my arms and I knew I was never going to let her go.

I couldn't stop myself; I pulled away from mauling her mouth and slid my wet lips down her neck to her shoulder; kissing, licking. She was panting, breathless, writhing against me, and I thought I would fucking lose it, because I wanted her, but we still hadn't really talked and I knew everything was going too fast.

God, but I didn't want to stop. I felt her delicious weight, the button fly of my jeans chafing, as she pushed her body onto me. It was a euphoric pain.

"Bella," I sighed as my fingers slipped under the thin strap of her dress. I pulled it down to reveal the curve of the top of her creamy breast. She was wearing a strapless bra, her chest rising and falling with each breath, her lips on my neck as I stared at her.

I curled my fingers over the fabric, inching it down to see more of her; my cool fingers grazing her warm skin. She shivered and sighed, but her lips never left my jaw and she licked and kissed me repeatedly. I watched as her chest, the swell of her breast broke out in tiny goose bumps.

_Holy hell, I have to have her._

I pulled the cup of her bra further down.

_Fuck_!

There was her perfectly rounded pink nipple, begging to be kissed. I pulled back and lowered my head to plant soft open-mouthed wet kisses against the top of her breast. She whimpered and squeezed her thighs harder around my waist. Then I inched lower, slowly licking her nipple before placing my mouth over it, softly suckling.

Bella's hands were in my hair, her chest rising and falling. She had pulled back as I did this to her, I could feel her eyes on me. Her skin had no taste; it was just Bella, the texture of her on my tongue, my wet flesh suckling her. I swirled my tongue around and around until she moaned my name.

"_Ed-ward_..."

She said it in the same tone she had last night, when she was dreaming of me.

I wanted this bliss to last, but I also wanted her naked. I was well aware that there were too many layers of fabric separating us – her panties, her dress and this incredibly sexy bra. I knew I'd have to break the connection with her to get my jeans off; the pain from the tight fabric was staving off my pleasure.

This was happening too fast. My brain was jumping ahead, imagining her underneath me as I slowly made love to her. But it wouldn't be slow would it, because I just knew I'd be so maniacal, naked with Bella, I would completely lose it.

_I should let her take the lead. I don't want her to regret us moving so quickly._

My tongue kept swirling around her taunt flesh. Bella's sighs were reverberating through my body. _She wants me too. She wants this!_

I pulled away from her nipple, letting the bra cup fall back in place; trying to calm myself, trying to absorb all the feelings and sensations of being so close to her. _It feels so right._

My hands swept around to her shoulder blades, my fingers slipped into her dress to fumble and slowly unhook her bra.

"Edward," she panted.

I hesitated for a moment, torn. I wasn't sure if she wanted me to stop. I was so blissfully relieved when her lips went back to my neck.

I slowly ran my hands down her side then to her chest. I dipped my fingers into her cleavage, grasped her bra, and very slowly peeled it up and pulled it out from under her dress. I tossed it on the floor, my hands running over the soft cotton to cup her breasts. Bella clutched and squeezed my shoulders then let out a soft whimpering moan that made me automatically thrust against her.

"Bella," I grunted. Her breasts felt so soft; they almost immediately firmed up under my touch, the blood rushing to them, the goose bumps now more prominent, her nipples hard under the soft fabric.

I was in a daze of lust.

"You're so beautiful," I said, swallowing. My voice sounded guttural.

Bella went back to kissing my neck, my jaw and under my ear, her body rocking into me and her hands caressing my neck and shoulders. I grabbed her hips and pulled her firmly into me. My hands traveled down onto her thighs, I couldn't help myself. Her soft skin called to me. My hands glided all over her silky smooth skin; my fingers wanted to touch her, feel her heat.

"I want to touch you Bella. I want to kiss every inch of your body," I whispered.

"Edward," a wanton groan escaped her lips. She pulled back to look at me; her eyes in line with mine. We stared at each other.

I dared not break eye contact with her as my fingers grazed the apex of her smooth thighs, my thumbs gently brushing against the leg seams of her cotton underwear.

"You're exquisite, Bella."

I was overwhelmed by the zinging, buzzing sensation between us.

"Tell me you feel it too." I practically moaned.

She was silent; the only sound was our labored breaths.

"I love you," I said. I needed her to know. I needed her to feel my love.

Her eyes glistened. She widened her legs and shuffled back a little. It was a silent but unmistakable invitation for me to touch her.

"You don't have to say that," she whispered.

"I do love you Bella, why–"

"Stop, Edward. Don't speak!" She pressed her fingers to my lips. "You don't have to pretend. I want this; I want to be with you."

I pulled my lips away from her fingers. "I'm not–_pretending_? I'm in love wi–"

"Don't speak, just touch me," she pleaded.

She dragged her fingers to my collarbone and undid a button on my shirt, then the second button, she kissed me, slowly. My eyes never left her as I slipped my thumbs under the soft elastic. Her skin, was moist from sweat, smooth, hairless.

_Fuck_!

_She doesn't want me to talk. We should be talking. If she won't let me speak, I'll have to show her how much I want her; how much I love her._

~0~

**A/N:** Thanks for reading!

Thank you to my beta CandyTwi and to lisamichelle17 (you know why). Also to ObviouslyObsessed that inspired the serenade scene over six months ago!

Once again I am pimping the Fandom Fights the Floods. I hope you can help out too, with a small donation of $5 **w w w. fandomsfightthefloods. blogspot. com/** will help our friends in Queensland to rebuild. They now need help even more after the devastation of Cyclone Yasi. Please donate to the official Queensland Government appeal **w w w. qld. gov. au/floods/donate. html** and email in your receipt to the fab gals so you get what will no doubt be, a deliciously HOT compilation from several Fandoms (not just Twilight).

Hassle your favourite author to sign up asap as well!

Luv BBxx


	27. Overture

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

My traitorous body screamed for his touch, my mind waged a war; my emotions were on a knife-edge. One night with him, one delicious encounter of pure sensation, Edward pretending he's in love with me, tricking my mind, but then, it would be over.

I kissed him again; his warm skin under my lips. I could feel his cool fingers waiting. There was no way to hide how aroused I was. I wanted him to touch me; I wanted his fingers to cool the burning heat between my legs. I couldn't let him stop. I undid the last button of his shirt and pushed it haphazardly over his broad shoulders.

_Oh God, his body!_

My hands roamed his chest. His pale skin; the light dusting of brown hair was soft under my fingertips. I touched his hardened nipples. I kissed his lips; I let my hands settle on his shoulders as I shifted my body backwards again, desperate for him. He was panting, staring into my eyes, our faces inches away from each other, his eyes burning into me. _His hands are right there, he could be touching me, pushing into me, but he's hesitating._

_This is just sex, just pleasure. He's cheating on her, he's like Riley, he doesn't want me like I want him. I should stop this._

_I can't stop. I want this. I need him. I love him, even if he'll never love me back._

"Bella, I want to…" he whispered. His fingers were right _there_, about to move my undies aside and _feel_ me. His voice was seductive, an urgent plea that made my whole body shiver with anticipation. I was burning for his touch. My heart was hammering out of my chest. I was so close to exploding. I was desperate, but still my mind was trying to shut it down, deny the pleasure.

_I don't deserve this. I'm not worthy. I shouldn't be doing this, it's wrong. It doesn't mean anything to him. I will never mean anything to him._

"Use me, any way you want. I _want_ you." I whispered. "I don't care what happens after. You can go back to her. I won't stop you."

The lie was perfectly executed.

Part of me wanted to give him a way out of cheating on Rosalie. Most of me wanted him to just take my body, punish it with a false promise, the taste of what we could be together; a glimpse into the life I could have but that would never be.

His expression changed, he looked–shocked?

I kissed him, once, twice; soft, moist open mouthed kisses, keeping my eyes open, pulling back only to focus on him in the dim light, trying to drink everything in. His hands were trembling.

_He feels guilty; I can see it. He looks, confused?_

"Back to who, Bella?" He sounded exasperated. His fingers stopped then they were suddenly cradling my face softly. I tried to lower my gaze.

_Yes, he's too guilty to continue, he's worked it out. He does want to stay faithful to her. This isn't supposed to be happening._

He tried to make me look at him, but I couldn't. I closed my eyes. I could feel my face flaming; my gut seemed to drop, leaving an empty pit.

"I've told you I'm not with Rosalie. I want you, only you Bella. I would never _use_ you. Why won't you believe–"

"Please Edward, stop talking." I opened my eyes.

_Why didn't I meet him first?_

_Why couldn't I be a Victoria Marshall? Why can't I be a Rosalie Hale?_

_Fuck everything!_

I crashed my lips to his. I pushed on his chest, so he fell backwards onto the bed. An arousing 'unf' sound came from his chest. My lips never left his as I my fingers moved up his chest to tug on his hair; my desperation was passionate. My hair fell in a silky strawberry scented curtain around our heads. He allowed me to kiss him; he returned it, his need just as great as mine. His hands grabbed my bum forcefully pulling me into his body, I felt him grind himself into my pubic bone.

_God I need him._

I need this, but he had no idea how much it hurt to know he was lying to me. _Just like Riley._ Tempting me to give in to him. _Why does he want to have sex with me when he has the pristine beauty of Rosalie Hale?_

_How can I resist him? Why should I resist?_

_Because it doesn't mean anything; I'm just a sycophant fan he can fuck to get off; he knows I won't ever tell._

I continued kissing Edward frantically. My mind was screaming at me to stop, but my body ignored it. I adjusted my hips so his hard erection came in direct contact with my soaking undies. I rocked against him. His lips were warm; the taste of him was sweet and intoxicating. His tongue expertly slid into my mouth to caress mine. I absorbed the kiss, his hands running up and down my back and over my bum, squeezing.

_This is unbelievable._

_Why was Edward telling me he loved me? He's with Rosalie. He's lying to me as if I'm a silly girl that will believe it because I so desperately want it to be true. I believed Riley's lies because I wanted them to be true._

_What am I doing? I won't survive this a second time!_

My tears flowed. He stopped kissing me; he held my face above his.

"Bella, please," he said breathlessly. "How can I make you believe? Did you see the photos?"

"Just please, touch me," I moaned and captured his full bottom lip between mine. I pushed myself into his erection and rocked my body rhythmically, feeling the intense pulsing pleasure even through the barrier of the coarse denim of his jeans.

Edward's hands were cradling my jaw, his fingers softly gliding into my hair, sending a shiver over my scalp and down my spine. Then he lifted my face away, forcefully this time. "No Bella, you need to listen, we need to talk."

"I don't, I can't. If you want my body then take it, if you don't then...leave now." My voice came out as a strangled sob.

I didn't want to be the other woman again. I didn't want to be the fill-in fuck. I wanted Edward to want only me, just me, but here I was, helpless and so fucking weak. I knew one night would never be enough. I was angry with myself for not being stronger. I should never have kissed him back. No matter how in love with him I was, I should have never allowed myself to be this intimate with him. I hated myself, because even though I knew he was in love with someone else, that he was blatantly lying to my face, I still wanted him, desperately.

His arms were instantly around me as he held me tightly to his chest. I could still feel his arousal; I could still feel and hear his heart beating. Edward's lean body was pulsing with heat against me. My lips grazed his earlobe then the sexy stubble on his jaw, as I flicked out my tongue kissing, suckling. Like an addict, like I couldn't get enough of him. He was my water, my air. I couldn't sustain my life without him.

_Oh God, I want you, so badly._

"I'm in love with you Bella Swan," he whispered in my ear, "and I need you to believe me. I can't be with you until you do." He rolled me onto my back, raised himself up off the bed. The heat of his body separating from mine was devastating.

_No, he doesn't want me, he wants her, and he should be with her. I'm a messy and emotional wreck. I'm exactly what he said he didn't want in a relationship._

Edward's fingers brushed my tears from my cheeks.

"I will make you believe me, you will know how much I love and need you. I'm not giving up; you can't just order me away Bella. You'll realize that we're meant to be together. And when you do, I'll be waiting. I love you," He kissed my cheek then he pulled his warm hands from my body and left the room.

The empty pit of rejection made my gut bottom out.

_He loves me...It doesn't make any sense that he could love me. I am nothing, just a girl. I'm not model-perfect gorgeous like Rosalie. He can't love me._

_Riley said he loved me, daily._

_He lied_.

Riley was back with Victoria for three weeks and yet every day of those three weeks he made love to me, held me close and kissed me, cradling me in his arms until I drifted off to sleep. Every single night I was blissfully happy; totally unaware that he was seeing her as well, making love to her as well. They were planning their lives together. He didn't want a life, a future with me.

I'd gone over and over it in my mind for months after I saw Riley with Victoria in the restaurant, especially the last three weeks we were together. Every touch felt real, every word he whispered to me heartfelt and passionate. Never in the time we were together did I doubt his love for me then it all came crashing down.

The farce had run so deep. He'd whispered to me that one day we'd live in a big house with a huge garden and we'd be blissfully happy. He never mentioned marriage, he never mentioned children, but he implied we'd have the perfect life. I'd believed it all.

Riley Biers, the boy, then man, I had been in desperate obsessive love with, had humored me when I'd thrown my wanton body at him. What guy would have turned down a desperate and needy virgin when she was giving herself to him? He had wanted me for comfort sex while his girlfriend was away and all the while his life was planned out with her.

I was fooled, completely and utterly shattered when the realization came that I was just a warm body, a willing lover, while he waited for her to come back to him.

I'd given him body, my mind, my soul; I'd given Riley everything I had.

I couldn't be a judge of love, because Riley had been so convincing and yet it was a lie, what chance did I have that Edward would tell me the truth? He was an actor; his talent in his craft was exceptional. He could tell me anything; who knew what was real and what was pretence. _Was it all a rehearsed construction, delivering the lines to impress the audience, to make them believe? To make me believe?_

I lay on the bed and the tears turned to heavy heaving sobs. I knew Edward, and probably Emmett would be able to hear me, but I couldn't have cared less. Edward would leave in the morning, go back to his beautiful, famous girlfriend and in three months when filming wrapped, I'd see them in the glossy magazines, holding hands, kissing, everything a normal couple did in and out of the spotlight, and he'd be happy.

_Without me._

I recalled the trance-like state my mind had gone into when I wrote the words to _Episode_. I needed that; I needed something to shield my mind from the intense pain–a numbing, pulsing, calming state that would overtake me. All I would ever have was this short and intense sexual encounter. I could never have Edward.

I tried to breathe deeply. I tried to calm myself.

I visualized a clear pane of glass, cold, hard, reflective.

It would be a shield, for my mind. Sound, light could get through, but nothing else. I didn't want to think, I didn't want to feel the intense emotions, the pain from the loss of his closeness. I was weak, I knew that whatever physical reaction Edward had triggered in me was more powerful than I could have ever imagined. But I couldn't repeat my mistakes. I needed to cut off my emotions.

I could never just fuck Edward. That's why he's here. He hasn't told anyone, except Emmett– who had tried to casually suggest I sign a non-disclosure agreement. _Is that why none of the women Edward's been with have ever spilled the beans to the media? They'd all signed one...and Edward, even though he said he trusted me, did he want me to sign one too?_

His words were swirling around in my head.

'_I'm not in a sexual relationship.'_

He wanted me sexually. There was no doubt about that. _Maybe Rosalie's observations when she walked in and saw me in Edward's suite were true; he 'entertained' his fans on the side._ _Even though he loved her, he was waiting until they had stopped filming to make it official?_

His play on words wasn't lost on me. Maybe he's not fucking her, yet. I remembered her whiney voice as she had strode into his suite.

'_You can't make me wait until we stop filming in November! You just can't! That's too long, it's not fair. I can't stand it anymore! You're denying me...'_

He did have his 'rule'. He didn't get 'intimate' with people he was working with. _So he was making her wait?_ I didn't count, because he wasn't 'working' with me. Technically the song was already written and about to be copyrighted. I was just a fan, one that he could easily coerce into having sex. There would be no way I would tell anyone, and with an NDA signed I couldn't tell anyone even if I wanted to.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I pulled at my hair then covered my ears as I heard her sobbing softly. There was more to this story than just the fact she thought I was with Rosalie. Something else was going on in her mind and she wouldn't let me in.

_Why would she think I was using her? She still thinks I'm with Rosalie? She doesn't believe me? In her mind she thinks I'm here to seduce her, while I have a girlfriend? She must have seen the pap photo of Rosalie kissing me_.

And then everything fell into place.

_Is that what her ex did to her? He cheated on her, made her feel used and cheap? Holy fuck, does she think that's me? That I just want to fuck her, that I'm with Rosalie and I'm here to use her, for my own sexual gratification?_

I quickly walked to my bag that sat by the sofa; my guitar was still where I'd left it. _What a stupid fucking idea to sing to her, to try and communicate my feelings through a song that could have reminded her of her ex-boyfriend!_

_Fuck, if I ever meet this guy, Riley, or whoever the fuck he is, I'm going to fucking kill him for whatever he did to her!_

I ripped off my jeans and boxers and threw on my pajama pants and a t-shirt. Bella thinking I was some type of cheating philanderer made my hard as rock erection deflate.

_I won't allow Bella to think that's who I am. I need her to know that I love her, that I would never use her that way._

I recalled Jasper's words. His description of the intensity of the attraction and desire he felt for Alice, and the way he'd initially pushed her away. Alice didn't give up; she waited patiently for four months. I know Bella and I will have the same level of devotion and love that Alice has with Jasper. I'm not giving up on her.

I hurried to the kitchen, poured a large glass of water, and walked determinedly back to her bedroom.

She was still sobbing, lying where I'd left her a few minutes before. She was clutching my crumpled shirt to her face.

_Oh God, Bella._

She was scrunched into the foetal position, her dress still up around her waist, her legs white in the moonlight; I closed my eyes when I saw her underwear. _Fuck_!

I quietly closed the door.

"Bella," I whispered and sat on the bed, my hand touching her shoulder. Her body jumped at my touch and she recoiled from me.

"Bella, please drink this."

She looked up at me, swiping at her tears with her hand. Slowly, she pulled her body to sit up and took the glass. She sipped tentatively, staring at me then she took a long gulp, and handed it back. I placed the glass on the bedside table.

"We don't have to talk now, but I'm not leaving you here alone. I want to hold you; we can sleep. We'll talk in the morning. There are things I need to say to you." I didn't give her the opportunity to argue; I just scooped her into my chest and pulled her tight. My hand soothed over her hair as I lay down.

It was about twenty minutes before she fell asleep. I lay on the bed, still holding her, gently running my fingers through her hair, exhausted and shattered.

_How could I have fucked this up so badly, again? I should have made sure she believed me before I even kissed her! We were meant to be together and she was supposed to be feeling all the desire, love and connectedness that I felt. Instead she was convinced that I was with Rosalie, and I was sure she was comparing me to her cheating ex-boyfriend, or something worse!_

_None of my denials has registered with her. She must have seen those pictures. FUCK!_

_Fuck the paparazzi. Fuck Rosalie Hale and Royce King. How in the hell am I going to fix this?_

~0~

**A/N:** Thanks to CandyTwi my beta.

Thank you all for still reading and allowing me the freedom to write this story as I always intended. I'm sorry the chapter is relatively short (refer to the chapter title). I'll try to update quickly.

_Overture: The overture (= French: ouverture; German: Ouvertüre; Italian: sinfonia) is an introductory piece, often designed to initiate an opera or other dramatic work._

~0~

_Episode_ has been nominated in the Inspired FanFic Awards - the link to the nominees and voting page is listed on my profile.

I hope you all get a chance to read all the stories and vote for your favourites...not just because an author tells you to, but because you have connected with the writing and you want to show your support for that author, and well, if it does happen to be me – then, Thank You!

Luv BBxx :)


	28. Motif

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

It was a dream; the whole thing had been a wonderful, erotic dream. I could feel his body; he was holding me with relaxed arms that made me feel precious and loved. I slowly opened my eyes, and felt disoriented.

Instantly a flash of panic tore through my body, but I didn't flinch.

_It wasn't a dream._

Edward's body was wrapped around me protectively. His constant steady breathing indicated he was asleep. I didn't dare move an inch, in case I woke him.

My head was resting in the curve of his armpit, my chin facing his chest. His t-shirt where my mouth rested was slightly wet. _Oh fuck, I've been literally drooling on him!_ I cringed. His side wedged one of my arms; the other was resting across his firm stomach.

I was in another reality, surrounded by Edward's smell, feeling the soft rise and fall of his chest as he slept. The morning was slowly illuminating the room. I could hear birds chirping high up in the trees and the soft clinking sound made by the cord on the venetian blinds that bashed slowly in the breeze against the wooden window frame.

I took in a shallow breath. My eyes scanned everything, my body didn't move. I took it all in; the soft grey fabric of Edward's t-shirt, his blue and grey plaid pajama pants, his glorious morning erection bulging deliciously under the thin cotton.

_Oh God._

My undies were still soggy from last night then the vision and feel of Edward's body released a new wave of desire through me.

I started fantasizing about waking him up with my mouth all over his skin. _What would he do, if I just pulled down his pants, straddled him, dragged my undies aside and...oh God_. I could imagine pulling him inside, slowly, lazily rocking my hips with him deep inside me. The thought filled me with intense longing. The audible groan escaped my throat unconsciously.

Edward's body shifted slightly. I could hear the faint sound of his tongue wetting his lips then the slight movement as he gulped.

I watched as his hand left my waist and he adjusted his massive bulge. His beautiful fingers and palm touched himself, then returned to hold me, squeezing me to his chest as he sighed. I snuggled close. I'd never felt more totally blissful, but I knew it wouldn't last. I was still in the same predicament as last night.

_Could I change who I am, could I suppress my morals and stop thinking about other people for a change? Could I just think about me, about what I want?_ I'd promised myself, after Riley, that I would never throw myself at another man again, but Edward was in my bed. _He_ had initiated our first kiss; our erotic and emotional first embrace.

The glass pane started rattling in my mind then I fixed it in place and I slowly licked my lips and kissed Edward's chest. I kissed him again, and again. I flicked my tongue out. I wanted it to be his skin, not his soft grey t-shirt. I shifted my body up, my hand grabbed the v-neck and I pulled it, so my wet lips could reach his chest, my eyes drinking in the soft pulsing skin at the hollow of his throat, the perfect view of his sharp collarbones, the thick rough growth of dark stubble on his jaw, contrasted against his pale skin, his prominent Adams apple.

_Oh God_. I closed my eyes; the visual stimulus in combination with the feel of his body was too much to process.

"Bella," he whispered.

"Hmmmm," I hummed. I tried to lock my brain down. I tried to give my body the power to do what it wanted, and right now, it wanted to feel Edward Cullen. I need him.

I felt Edward shift to turn on his side. I pushed my body closer to him and glided my leg slowly over his thigh.

"Kiss me, please," I moaned and wiggled, straining my neck so my lips could find his, my eyes still closed.

It was a soft, lazy kiss. My hand found its way into his hair. I wanted to stay in control; I wanted just to feel him. Edward's soft moist lips were kissing me gently, like I would break if he exerted too much force.

We kept kissing, slowly, no tongue. I was so aroused, but I stayed cocooned in the lazy embrace. I felt his arm dangle across the curve of my waist, his large hand on my back. His touch felt so good. I was determined not to force myself on him. I would leave it up to him.

_He's the one that will bear the brunt of the guilt, for cheating on Rosalie._

_Rosalie. The image of her leaving the trailer after they'd... NO! I don't want that image in my head._

The hole in my gut started filling with air. _Would Victoria have broken up with Riley if she'd known about me...would Rosalie break up with Edward if she knew he was here, lying in my bed, kissing me?_

My stomach dipped. _Stop! This is not who I am! I should NOT be kissing another woman's boyfriend._

I pulled my lips away and buried my face against Edward's chest. "I'm sorry," I squeaked. "I'm so sorry," With one last deep inhale; I removed my leg from his thigh, and placed my hand on his shoulder.

_I don't just want his body, I want, everything._

I pulled away in anguish. I rolled on my back, away from Edward and off the bed, standing on shaky feet. I opened my eyes as I tried to balance, dizzy from his delicate, attentive kisses.

"Bella, stop, _please_." Edward grabbed my hand tightly. My knuckle made a cracking sound.

"You need to listen to what I have to say, _please_ Bella." His whispered plea caused tears to fall and I stood motionless as he slowly wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me back on to the bed. This time he lay me facing him, his eyes in line with mine, one arm surrounding me. He wiped the silent tears off my face with his other hand.

"Bella, I want us to be together. I know what it looked like to you back in the hotel, in my suite. I'm not and I never will be with Rosalie Hale." He said forcefully. "I only want you. I know you love me. I know we can make this work. These last days have been hell not being able to talk to you, not be able to sit next to you, or hear your voice." He sucked in a deep breath. "Bella Swan, I'm in love with you. I love you. I'm sorry; I should have made all this clear before kissing you last night. I just…it felt so right, we feel so right together. Please, tell me you feel it. Tell me you can feel how much I love you?"

I stared at him. His soft whispering voice was like a dream, he was telling me he wasn't with her, he was telling me he loved me and that he knew I was in love with him! But something didn't seem right. Some piece of information was missing and I couldn't help doubt he was being honest with me. Something about his words sounded familiar – it unnerved me.

"That night in the suite," he continued hurriedly. "All those things I said before Rose came in? Do you remember? I was talking about us, Bella. I want us to be together. You're my friend, I don't want that to change, but I want us to be in a relationship. I know it will be hard for us, but I'll do whatever it takes."

I stared at him, uncomprehending.

I heard the soft click of a door and footsteps. _Emmett leaving to go on his run._

We lay in silence. My eyes focused on his lips, his flawless skin, the rough stubble on his jaw; I listened to his soft breath. He was so intimately close to me, like last night. I could feel a pulsing connection flowing between us; _everything_ was completely out of my realm of believability.

Edward Cullen, _the_ Edward Cullen, is telling me he wants me.

_This is too perfect to be real. There has to be a more plausible explanation for this. There is something missing, something just doesn't add up._

I heard the crunch of gravel outside as Emmett sped to a jog, I assumed down the trail that ran along the lake.

"Do you believe in destiny?" Edward said at normal volume. There was no need to whisper now Emmett had left the cabin. "Do you believe that two people are meant to be together, no matter what?"

He was brushing his fingers along my hairline, slowly gently caressing my face with his large beautiful hand. I tried to decode what he was asking.

"If someone would have asked me three years ago, I would have said yes. But now, I don't believe in destiny."

I had believed in destiny, once. I had believed that Riley and I were meant to be, were made for each other. Now I knew that was untrue. Destiny is a farce. There is no such thing. If you want something, then you make it happen.

"I can't believe in destiny any more," I whispered back.

I saw he looked pained and upset. My words and thoughts seemed contradictory to me. _If I want him, then I can make it happen, right?_ His gaze flicked between my eyes and my lips. I could sense his desire for me. He was a sexual red-blooded man and I was lying in my thin cotton dress, no bra. Emmett had gone. I could tell Edward wanted me. I wanted him too. The electric buzzing was drawing us closer, dictating that we copulate.

_Is this what he means, the sexual pull between us, he thinks its destiny, even when he's technically with someone else?_

Then the pane of glass that I had erected in my mind was shimmering, glistening. I want this, he wants this until he tires of me, or until he's finished filming in Vancouver and can be with Rosalie. He would go back to his LA life, his Hollywood schedule, then off to film in Europe. He'd forget about me. But I would never forget this – lying with Edward. I would regret not being with him while I had the chance.

I could try this. I could let him have me; anyway he wanted, right now, for the next three months then he would leave my life. I would have the memory of Edward all to myself. I wouldn't tell anyone, he knows I wouldn't tell anyone. The words he uttered to me in the hotel lift when we returned from Laurent's came back in clear detail.

_'I trust you,'_ he'd said.

Even after the pain I went through when I realized Riley didn't love me; I knew I wouldn't have changed being with him. I knew this would be a short-term affair with Edward, a secret, silent connection. No one would find out. No one would be able to judge me for sleeping with a man I knew was taken, who had promised himself to another woman. It would be my cross to bear.

The pane of glass needed to be stronger. I morphed it into a steel security screen, impenetrable, temporarily impervious to destruction. I knew it had a three-month life, and then when Edward was gone, it would crumble to pieces, but maybe, just maybe I'd be able to survive it.

Edward looked like he was trying to think of words to tell me something. But there was only one thing now, one thing he needed to do.

I took in a deep calming breath. I looked into his eyes. "Edward, I want you," I said. A wave of anxiety swept through my body. I felt my skin flush and my heart rate jump. The look in Edward's eyes was hypnotic.

"You say you love me. Edward, show me, _show me love_."

He stared at me, he was breathing heavily through his nose, the sound was meditative, arousing and erotic. He was a living, breathing man pulsing with life, and he was touching me, he was with me.

_I will remember this, always. I love you._ Silent stinging tears flowed from my eyes.

"Bella..." he whispered, his soft fingertips gently brushing my tears away.

His lips were on mine. Slowly, his tongue slipped into my mouth and his hand cupped my face gently as he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his back, and pulled him to me. I could feel his arousal, the hardness and heat. His hand left my face and ran down to touch my breast, to slowly cup and squeeze it through the thin cotton of my dress.

I tentatively started tugging his t-shirt up and he let me take it off. If I thought after touching his back and seeing him wet in the lake yesterday was enough of a vision, this was supremely more erotic; touching his chest again, the feel of his skin and the warmth emanating from him. I was mesmerized as my fingertips glided gently over his nipples.

Our kisses almost instantly became heated, and then Edward's hand left my breast and slipped down to squeeze my bum, he pulled it closer to him, shifted me slightly so his erection made direct contact with me.

_Oh God. _

It had been three years since I'd been made love to. I wanted Edward to make love to me, but his level of passion was slowly ramping up and the way he was eagerly manoeuvring me, so his weight could push roughly against me, made me snap to the realization that Edward was desperate for me, maybe even more desperate than I was for him.

_Is he going to make love to me slowly, or is he going to fuck me? _I couldn't tell and I started to panic. My split desires were in conflict.

_This is not how I imagined it._

_Of course I'm just a fuck, what did I expect?_

I pushed against his firm chest. "Edward," I panted.

He stared at me blankly, his hand leaving my bum. He looked out of it.

"Please," I said, the tone of my voice laced with anguish.

He wasn't with me. His eyes were glazed over and he wasn't consciously there.

_Oh my god, he's thinking about her, I just know it!_

Dread filled me as I suddenly recalled the words he had spoken to me and why they sounded familiar.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

_Bella wants me to show her my love. Fuck, her lips, her heat, her body. I need to slow down. I need to be in control when I have her naked._

_Fuck, it's been two years since I've had intercourse. Oh God, It's going to be fast, frantic, blissful._

_Shit, the feel of her tongue, her taste! It's so good. I need her, now, I'm so ready._

_Wait._

_She doesn't believe in destiny. She won't believe me when I tell her about Alice's dream. Jasper's right, I can't tell her. I want to tell her, I don't want to hide anything from her._

_Fuck, I need to stop kissing her and get her dress off. I need to get her panties off. Her hands on my skin, her soft delicate hands feel so fucking good._

_Fuck!_

_Fuck, I don't have any condoms. The unopened box in my vanity at the hotel had expired. I didn't replace them. Maybe she's on the pill?_

_I could come like this, just feeling her body against mine._

_Something doesn't feel right. She hasn't admitted her feelings for me. She was calling out to me _and_ her ex-boyfriend in her dream. Maybe she still loves him. I want her so badly, but I think we should wait..., we have to wait. We have to wait, we have to wait._

I registered Bella's hot hand pushing against my chest.

"Edward! _Please_," she begged.

The look on her face and her tone instantly sobered me from the inebriation of lust that had clouded my mind. I realized I had rolled her flat on her back, my dick pushing indecently against her, my arms, torso, hands smothering her, almost suffocating her petite frame. She was panting, staring at me with wide wet eyes; she looked frightened.

I quickly rolled away from her and onto my back, pulling her light body up and on top of me; my hands on either side of her face, staring into her eyes.

"I'm so sorry," I apologized. "I want you so badly, Bella. I'm so turned on. I want to make love to you, slowly. I want to make love to you all day...it's just that I..." _How could I explain?_

I knew she was confused. Jasper's words flew around in my head. It took him months to be with Alice. What I said to her last night about waiting until she actually knew how I felt about her and believed it, I should stick to that. _I shouldn't make love to her until I know she accepts the love I feel for her. We shouldn't make love until she believes, I'm not with Rosalie._

I stroked her hair softly. She closed her eyes and pushed her face into my neck. I could feel her hot panting breath on my throat.

"I want this to be, I want our first time together to be everything, to us both..." I tried to calm my breathing. I closed my eyes, but all I could see was Bella's eyes, all I could feel was her soft milky skin, her mouth, her firm breasts.

I was trying to calm myself, desperate to get myself under control. My mind was having difficulty composing the words she needed to hear.

I felt Bella shift her body, she slid so she was back in the crook of my arm, her leg draped over my thigh then she shuffled, her hand brushed my leg and her lips were on mine in a passionate hungry kiss. I kissed her back, straining my neck to push my mouth to hers.

She pulled away, "Edward, I understand now..." she said.

I opened my eyes, she was looking at me, biting her bottom lip, and then I felt her hand at the waistband of my pants.

_FUCK_!

Bella's warm–wet–hand slipped into my pajamas, stoked me and then encircled the base of my dick. Her lips smothered mine as she expertly squeezed and started masturbating me, up, down, up down.

_Holy fucking hell. _

"Bell–" I tried to talk but she cut me off by sliding her tongue in my mouth.

I opened my eyes to see her brow furrowed, her eyes closed as she kissed me passionately. Her grip on my dick was firm and it felt so fucking good. I didn't want her to stop, but fuck; I needed to be touching her too. One of my hands grabbed her ass while the other slipped into the top of her dress to softly squeeze her breast and rub her nipple.

Bella pulled back, and gasped, her eyes flew open and she stared at me, but she never broke the rhythm of her thrusting hand. We watched each other. All I could focus on was the sensation, the feel the way she looked as she touched me. I wanted my hands between her legs, I wanted to be giving her pleasure too, but the way she was angled against me made it impossible to get my hand where it needed to be and her long firm strokes were stupefying me.

I tried so desperately to keep my eyes focused on her, but the pleasure became too intense, my eyes rolled back into my head and I gripped her tighter as I felt the unmistakable flow of my orgasm rushing up and out in long thick bursts of pure ecstasy.

"_Bella_."

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

The words made everything become clearer. I'd worked it out. Of course; he was making Rosalie wait, he wanted me, correction–a clandestine fling while he was filming in Vancouver. He trusted me not to reveal it, he trusted me, but not with the truth. He was going to use me, but maybe the sex part was just an added bonus. I now knew why.

Edward was a method actor and I was, physically at least, pretty much a spot on match for the description of Georgia in the book. Edward has the part; he had been so requisite in his need and so excited about securing the role. This was his chance at winning an Oscar, _'I don't plan on doing anything less than a winning performance.' _he'd said...so it made perfect sense that he would try his hardest to fucking nail the part of Nicholas, right down to the way he spoke and the words he'd said to Georgia in the book!

'_Do you believe that two people are meant to be together, no matter what?'_

I knew I had two choices. I could tell him no, that I maybe deserved more than to be just an avatar for him to practice on. Or, I could let him use me to help him become the character of Nicholas. This time I wouldn't fall apart, because I knew. I could make memories with Edward regardless of how masochistic and delusional they were, because this was all an act anyway.

I could play along; I didn't have to be the emotional stalker teen I was with Riley. I could be with Edward Cullen consciously. _Was he really using me if I was aware? Did that make me a horrible person? _I knew that this was the worst possible time to sort through it all, but I had a choice this time. Yes, it was a moral choice, but it was my choice to make.

"I want this to be, I want our first time together to be everything, to us both, but..." he was conflicted too. I could see it. I didn't want to believe that Edward was a manipulative person, but everyone is out to look after number one. Riley had been, why would Edward be any different? He was just trying to make it as an actor, just like I was trying to make it as an author. Maybe if he really was like Riley, then it would be easier to deal with the fallout after this...relationship? Experiment? Fling? Role-play? ended.

I needed time to sort through all this. The pain in my head, the mental exhaustion I felt was almost debilitating. I had to make a decision. I couldn't make it in the heat of the moment.

I slowly glided my hand in between my legs. I felt some fabric bunched up there. _Edward's shirt?_ I pushed my fingers into my undies. _God I am positively saturated with need_. I slowly rubbed myself, moistening my own fingers.

"Edward, I understand now..." I said.

I slowly slipped my hand into the front of Edward's pajamas and firmly wrapped my hand around his shaft. The look on his face told me he was completely shocked. I kissed him passionately as I started stroking him.

Edward was bigger than Riley, and he was uncircumcised. His silken skin, warm and throbbing in my hand, made me feel so powerful, made my body zing with pleasure.

_He's just an ordinary guy, a man with needs. Men only want one thing...uncomplicated sex, pleasure without consequence._

I could give him pleasure and I could take it from him. His shirt between my legs rubbed right where I needed it to when I squeezed my thighs together, the friction making my heart rate spike while the feel of touching Edward was better than any fantasy, or any dream. He grabbed at my bum, the heat of his hand sending a blissful jot through my body, just as his other hand slipped into my dress as he fondled my breast roughly. _Oh God, yes._

When he came, when I felt him twitch and pulse and the warm liquid spread with my hand up and down as he rode through it, I came too. _Silently_. Edward's bunched up blue plaid shirt squeezed between my thighs in combination with feeling that I had given him an orgasm was enough for me.

"_Bella_."

I collapsed onto him and pushed my face into his neck. We were both panting, we were both motionless, apart from our chests rising and falling. Edward's hand left my breast and he held me tightly; I could feel his pulse hammering.

I had nothing to say to him. Not yet, not now. I would need to make a decision. I knew the consequence of the choice I had to make. I had to evaluate, write a list – pros and cons. It made my head spin when I thought about the time frame, and how almost everything in mine and Edward's friendship seemed to be mirroring details of the relationship I'd had with Riley – the failed relationship.

They say history never repeats. I wanted that to be true.

I slowly pulled my hand from his pants, reached between my legs to grab his shirt and wiped my hand on it. I threw it onto the floor.

Edward's arms gathered me up, his face buried itself in my hair and he breathed me in deeply.

"I love you," he whispered. "I love you more than anything."

His fingers combed through my hair, lovingly. I absorbed his touch, his smell, his warmth. The climax hadn't shut down my manic mind though. _Just live in this moment, just feel it and remember it._

"Please, don't move." He pushed me away from his neck and he kissed my lips and then he got off the bed and walked out.

I looked down at myself, at my wrinkled cotton dress bunched around my waist, my saturated undies, the crumpled bed sheets.

I got off the bed and walked to the dresser to look in the mirror. My face was pink, my lips swollen and red. I closed my eyes as I felt the after-tingle of his stubble where he'd kissed me. My once straight hair was now a tangled mess. I opened the top drawer of the dresser and pulled out a clean pair of undies. I peeled off my saturated ones and kicked them under the bed. I pulled my crumpled dress down and tried to smooth the wrinkles out over my thighs.

I was about to pick up the new undies and put then on when I felt Edward arms surround me.

"Edward," I said as I turned to face him. He was wearing pale blue boxers, and nothing else. He smiled and pulled me down onto the bed. He started kissing me, slowly, sensuously...but I was in a panic. I hadn't had a chance to put the clean undies on. I tried to pull away from him but he wouldn't let me. He rolled me onto my back.

"It's your turn," he said softly and I felt his soft warm hand run up my thigh.

"Edward, no," I said, grabbing at him, but it was too late, his hand was on my hipbone, it was obvious my undies were no longer there.

"Bella," he groaned then I felt his fingers grip my skin. His face contorted, his nostrils flared as his firm hold on my hip loosened. I held my breath; desire and longing encompassed me.

_I should stop him; he doesn't know I'd already gotten off, just by feeling him come undone at my hand._

I forced my eyes shut, feeling his long cool fingers slowly glide through my pubic hair and explore me, circling around, touching softly then with more urgency, eventually pushing one finger inside. I felt swollen and hot; his finger was slim, hard and cooling.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulder blades, pulling him tightly to me. _He's touching me!_

"Aghhh, Ed-ward!" I tried to stifle the pitiful sounds coming from my lips, by pushing them into his shoulder.

_No one has touched me there in three years. _

Edward started kissing me, and glided another finger inside my wet sensitive heat. He tentatively started pushing them in deeper, moving them in a circle. His mouth traveled in a slow descent to my neck, licking and flicking his tongue, nibbling with his teeth. It was too much and simultaneously not enough.

He yanked the top of my dress down with his teeth. I heard a tearing sound, but I didn't care when his mouth covered my nipple. His tongue swirled in a relentless circle, stopping only to suck lightly, as his fingers curled inside me and hit a spot that had my body trembling.

"_Oh god_!"

Then Edward pulled his mouth away. _No!_ my mind screamed.

I opened my eyes to see him scramble down my body hurriedly and lower his face to me. His fingers resumed their prodding at the same spot; Edward's tongue touched delicately to my clit and started swirling around in a dizzying circumference of determination.

"Edward!" I moaned. My hands found their way into his hair. I was overtaken by pleasure.

The security screen was no more.

It had been ripped away, gone as if a tornado had swept in. My self-constructed mental shield was gone; I was completely exposed and unprotected and I reveled in every pleasurable second. I gave myself over to it. I gave my body to Edward in a way I never thought possible.

It started deep within, right in that spot that his fingers expertly pushed and rubbed against, and radiated out of me with a gush of air and an embarrassing whimper. It was like I'd been underwater, holding my breath for twenty-three years. My lungs expanded, sucked in air, breathed in Edward's scent. My resolve wiped away.

"I love you," I cried out, hyperventilating from the extreme orgasm as it rolled through my entire body. I was sobbing yet smiling with relief as all the anguish left me.

Edward's lips and fingers kept the pleasure going in a wave. I gasped for air, as my trembling body expunged itself of all negativity.

He slowly withdrew his fingers. I felt his body hover over me, and his mouth pushed softly against mine, sucking my lips, his arms pulling me to him as I sobbed and panted from the sublime intensity.

~0~


	29. Transposition

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I rolled onto my side and held her. She was holding on to me tightly, her fingers clenched, pulling me closer. Her sobs were from extreme relief and pleasure. I'd never seen anything more beautiful than Bella coming down from her orgasm.

_God, the feel of her, her taste, the way she let go_. It was fucking surreal. I kissed her again and again; deep, passionate kisses, trying to show her what it meant to me to be with her this way.

Her heart was thumping, I pulled back to look at her. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted as she breathed in. She seemed contented and I watched, mesmerized, as she slowly opened her eyes and looked into mine. The most beautiful smile spread across her face as she beamed. She was glowing and alive and seemed blissfully happy. I could see it in her eyes. Her love, her euphoria, she was like an open book to me and I couldn't stop grinning back at her.

I'd made her cum. More than that, she'd cum hard, like it shot through her whole body. She'd cried out that she loved me.

In my haze, I was fucking exceptionally proud of myself, but equally incredulous. I closed my eyes for a few seconds. _Tanya faked it, every time_. _It hadn't been obvious then but fuck, she had, I knew it._

I didn't want to be thinking about Tanya, and I hoped to God Bella wasn't thinking about her ex either.

I felt the tips of Bella's fingers glide over my lips. I opened my eyes. She touched my cheeks, my eyebrows. She was admiring me openly and I basked in it.

Everything had changed. Bella had gone from trying to avoid looking at me yesterday, to absorbing me intently. I closed my eyes as she traced my jaw; I felt the tip of her nose touch mine then softly skim my cheek to my ear. She was still breathing heavily, still slowly coming down from her climax.

I recalled the feeling of her stroking me, her small hand expertly manipulating my body, giving me the most intense pleasure. _Fuck, that was just her hand, imagine how it would be when we're making love, or when her lips are around me!_

She nuzzled my ear, her warm breath sending a chill over my scalp.

"I am in love with you," she said softly.

_Jesus, fuck!_

I opened my eyes, my hand swept up to her face. "I'm in love with you."

I resumed kissing her, still full of passion, but not in a desperate way. We were both sated, we were both high on each other, post-orgasmic. As my tongue gently caressed hers I thanked God we'd got that tension out of the way, because I'd been just about ready to burst with desire for her. I'd thought about how her hands and lips would feel on me so many times over the last two weeks, and I'd not been able to deny my desire for her since she'd taken me to Laurent's.

Bella pulled away. I looked at her; she was still smiling.

We lay watching each other, gently touching, for what seemed like eons. There were no words; we didn't need to speak. Everything we were feeling seemed to pass between us secretly.

I could hear the birds outside, and nothing else. We were so far away from everything, everyone. I hadn't had this feeling of complete isolation in a long, long time; not since I lived in Forks. I was enjoying every precious second. Bella eventually broke the quiet.

"You should probably get ready to go," she said. "Emmett said you'd need to leave early." She went back to tracing my lips with her forefinger after she'd spoken.

Her touch was electrifying.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said. "I'm not leaving you, not now, not after…" I brushed her hair back over her shoulder so I could drag my fingers down her neck. I traced her collarbone, her shoulder. The thin strap of her dress was torn.

"You're staying?" she asked, sounding hopeful.

"Yes. They can do without me for a day or two, it's not like I've ever taken a day off before." I said, determined. _I'll deal with the shit-attack Emmett's going to have when he gets back._

Her smile returned, she pushed her body forward and pulled me closer then rested her palm flat against my chest. We kept kissing. It felt as if I was living for the first time. I was feeling for the first time. With my eyes closed it was like there was an invisible force field around us. I wanted to protect her from everything, but I was calm in the knowledge that together we'd deal with anything. _She loves me. We can do anything._

My hand slipped over the silky soft skin of her bare hip and to her lower back. I pulled her even closer. There was nothing I wanted more than to stay there all day, just kissing her skin, inch by inch, leaving nothing untouched. Practicality washed over me. I didn't have any condoms and I sure as hell wasn't going to ask Emmett if he had a few or if he'd go and buy me some. The thought made me shudder.

I knew I needed to be showered and dressed when he got back from his run. I couldn't confront him in my boxers and shirtless to tell him I was staying with Bella. I'd lost any sense of time. _How long had he been gone?_

Bella's fingers were running up and down my arm, making me shiver. I couldn't help but stare at her; her swollen full lips, the blotchy red mark on her chin, her hair in silken tangles. I could see the outline of her breasts under her wrinkled dress. I could still taste her on my tongue.

I licked my lips. I knew I couldn't make love to her here, but that didn't stop me from smirking like a damn idiot at the way she was touching me, looking at me, as I recalled the feeling of giving her pleasure.

"Come to the shower with me," I said. I felt bold powerful and so fucking cocky. I didn't want to be separated from her, not even for a quick shower.

I saw a tiny flash of indecision in her eyes. She bit her lip as she contemplated.

"OK," she said eventually.

_Yes!_

I sat up and helped her off the bed, holding her as I guided her to the bathroom. I was about to shut the door when she stood on her toes and kissed me on the mouth.

"I need to have a couple of minutes alone first." Her blush returned.

"Of course," I said. "I'll give you a minute."

"Two minutes," she said as she smiled at me cheekily. She closed the door as I stepped into the hall. I hovered at the door like a stalker then I walked into the living room to get fresh clothes from my bag. My phone was on top of my folded jeans.

There were missed calls and text messages.

I read the messages.

One from Heidi:

_**Photos gone global. Media going fucking ape wanting interviews. I'm not issuing a statement, I will not confirm or deny. Execs at the Studio love it. Everything will be fine. **_

_Shit._

The next was from Alice:

_**Please tell me you've spoken to Bella?**_

John, my manager:

_**I know all publicity is good publicity, but your fans that hate Rose are livid. Pics spread around Twitter like a locust plague. Call me.**_

Jasper:

_**This must be a set-up or someone with mad photoshop skills, they look very convincing. Can you please call Alice?**_

Dad:

_**Edward, I'm sure it's all a publicity stunt. Your mother is really upset. Please call her and explain. The papers are saying you're secretly engaged?**_

Ben:

_**I knew you said it would look bad, it actually looks hot. Did you find Bella?**_

And then one from Rosalie:

_**I'm sorry. **_

I stood, squeezing my phone as if I could channel all my anger at her and shatter the damn thing into a thousand tiny pieces.

It was over; they were out there. There was nothing I could do except explain it to Bella. I threw my phone onto the sofa. _Is this why Bella doesn't believe me? She saw the photos when she went to Port Alberni yesterday?_

I picked up my clean clothes and took them into Bella's room, throwing them on the unmade bed.

_Fuck_! _Why did this have to happen? Why can't I just be here, stay here with Bella for eternity_? I closed my eyes. I wished I could just have her here all to myself, love her, please her. I didn't want to deal with the reality of my life anymore.

I walked across the hall to the bathroom and knocked. I took in deep breaths to calm myself.

Bella opened the door and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me inside. Her lips went to my jaw and then my mouth.

We kissed. I couldn't get enough. Her touch instantly calmed me from worrying about the fuckery that was going on. Bella was backing up to the shower; she reached in with one hand to turn the water on.

She stepped back from me, staring at me intently as a blush appeared on her neck and cheeks. She reached down, crossed her arms to grasp the hem of her dress. I watched, completely entranced, as she peeled the dress up her body, revealing her slightly flushed skin.

She was standing completely naked and so beautiful in front of me, so glorious in her shyness; I felt my body surge with adrenaline at the sight of her. She'd pulled her hair up; her delicate features were in full view. Her pale skin flushed rosy pink; her breasts were perfectly proportioned to her petite frame. My eyes were drawn to the scattering of tiny freckles over her shoulders then down to her long and shapely legs. I was dumbstruck at how naturally beautiful she was, so unlike the Hollywood fakeness that I seemed to encounter daily.

She stepped towards me and gripped my waist.

Her cool fingers curled into the waistband and she slowly pushed my boxers down. My hands cradled her face gently.

The room started to fill with steam; it was swirling around us as if we were in a dream. Bella was looking into my eyes, admiring me. I stood in a daze as she pulled my hand away from her face and motioned me forward, tested the water then stepped in, bringing me with her.

As soon as I saw the spray from the shower hit her skin I was aroused, instantly hard and wanting. Her tiny body pressed itself into me. Jesus, the feel of her naked skin against mine, the warmth of the water, the steam, the smell of her wet hair; I was floored by the flood of emotion and sensuality I could feel just by touching her, kissing her, holding her.

There was nothing in my mind apart from Bella and the feel of her skin and the smoothness of her touch and the growing ache in my groin that wanted to feel her softness, take her body, claim it, run away with her, disappear forever and never have to deal with any of the bullshit that I knew we would have to face when we left this cabin.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I wanted him. I wanted all of him. _I can make it happen_. _I can make him fall in love with me, not an act, for real. I can give him everything, be everything he wants. He'll want to keep me. He's not Riley. _

His eyes roamed my face then dipped in a slow gaze to take in the rest of me. My heart was pounding, my guard completely down as he stared at me, totally naked in front of him. He had that same look, it was a look of desire and adoration, and it seemed to be real.

We stepped into the shower. I pulled him close. I pushed myself against him and closed my eyes when I felt his desire for me. I was kind of shocked. It always took Riley at least an hour to…

_STOP! Stop thinking about Riley. STOP! _

I kissed Edward lazily; it didn't feel like he wanted to do anything more, even though his body was ready. The lust was burning below the surface; the kiss seemed more about relaxation and closeness.

_We have all day and all night together; he's going to stay, _I chanted, wishing it would come true.

Edward pulled away first to gently turn me away from him. He took my shower gel and lathered the pink liquid to a creamy fragrant foam that he glided all over my back. His hands slipped to my waist and over my hipbones and slowly, slowly up to my breasts. I couldn't help the small whimpering sound that came out of me.

He stopped.

His large warm hands held my ribs. I wanted him to touch me; I wasn't sure why he'd stopped. I slowly placed my hands over his and slid them up to where I wanted them. I pushed my bum back into him. "Edward," I said wantonly.

"_Jesus_," he sighed. I felt him kiss my neck as he started moving his hands, slowly massaging my breasts. He pulled his hips away from me, even though I wanted to feel his body, _all_ of his body against me. I wanted to let him take the lead in progressing further, but when he touched me the urgency I felt to keep going was uncontrollable. My internal conflict was confusing me and I was still undecided about what I could or couldn't live through.

_Could I consciously be the Other Woman?_ The way he was slowly and delectably kissing my neck made my body scream that I needed him, anyway I could get him, whatever he would give me. His body spoke to mine in ways I couldn't fathom. I'd already had two orgasms and I felt so completely turned on again by the feel of his large hands gently cupping me, the soap sliding over my skin.

I turned and pushed my breasts against his chest. I kissed him hard on the mouth, and moaned from the feel of his erection pushing into my stomach. He didn't pull away.

Edward kissed me back. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lowered his body to grip my bum.

He hoisted me and pushed my back up against the tiles as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

The dark look of desire in his eyes told me everything. He was going to take my body. My mind flooded with guilt, anger, lust, desire, shock, want, expectation, all battling for dominance. If he just shifted his hips, or drop me lower, he'd be inside me. All it would take was one movement. I knew what I was feeling, but I had no idea what my facial expression was communicating to Edward as he stared at me.

My body was on fire for him as the look on his face changing in an overwhelming flashes; determination, passion, desire, desperation, sadness.

"You're so beautiful," he said.

The words hurt. I was not beautiful. I was a mental case. I was an emotional parasite. _'Bella, you're so beautiful. I'm going to tell you every day.' _Those were Riley's words, said to me while he worshipped my body, while his hands expertly pleasured me; his body merged with mine. Riley told me every day we were together that I was beautiful. _It was all a lie._

"Are you," Edward swallowed, "protected?" he asked.

_Oh God._ I closed my eyes. _He wants to fuck me up against the shower wall. _

I wanted him to; I didn't want him to.

I wanted intimacy and passion; I didn't want a quick hard fuck in the shower.

I needed him to be inside me, I knew I shouldn't let him.

I told him the truth.

"No, I'm not."

I wasn't on the pill, and I wasn't protected against the hurt I knew he would inflict on me, not the physical contact, but the mental anguish that I would go through, knowing that he could just fuck me then go back to…the hotel, to _her_?

I couldn't open my eyes. In the darkness, my senses became hyper aware, the water's warmth beating a high pressure pattern down the left side of my body. I could feel the cold tiles against my spine and the shallow dips of the grout against my bum. I could feel the moist warm air and steam that surrounded us, the slow gentle movement of Edward's body as he breathed in and out.

I opened my eyes. Edward's restraint was waning, his neck tense, his nostrils flaring as he breathed through his nose, his brow furrowed. The strain of holding me in his arms with the soapy foam still on his hands became too much and his grip loosened, causing me to slip down against his hardness. That's when Edward's face turned ashen and I saw regret.

"_Fuck_," he cursed and instantly stepped back, lowering me quickly to my feet but holding my waist until I got my balance.

I felt the pit of my stomach drop while at the same time my whole body tingled from the brief exhilaration of having him intimately touch me.

"I'm sorry," he lamented. His hands traveled up my body to cup my face as he stared into my eyes.

"I can't make love to you like this. I want to, I _want_ you. I have to explain something first."

Edward kissed me slowly. I let him. My heart was hammering out of my chest. We had been a split second and a few millimeters away from the point of no return.

A loud aggressive bashing on the door startled me so much I jumped.

Edward scowled. "It's just Emmett."

"Edward, we have to go," Emmett called out gruffly, urgently.

"Stay here," Edward pleaded. "Let me talk to him." Edward brushed his fingers over my lips, and purposefully stepped back from me before he stepped out of the shower. I stared as he towel dried his body, still erect and glorious. When he looked at me, he smiled, but I could see he was anxious.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I was a fraction away from losing self control and taking her. My hard as rock dick had slid against her and I'd felt the silky smoothness and heat. It could have gone either way. I could have pushed forward and into her, but the thought of being inside her before we'd talked, before I'd completely reassured her of my love, stopped me. I'd pulled away and for the life of me, I had no idea how I'd achieved it.

She was biting her lip as she watched me dry myself. The last thing I wanted to be doing right now was speaking to Emmett. No, speaking wasn't the word, we would be arguing. I knew he was going to rail on me when I told him I was staying in the cabin with Bella.

I tucked the towel around my waist and looked at her; the water flowing over her pale skin. She was distraught.

"I'm not leaving Bella, even though I know Emmett will be pissed with me. Trust me, OK, we have so much to work through, I'll be here when you come out of the shower."

I smiled to reassure her. Her face relaxed somewhat, but I could tell she was tense. I had no idea what was going on in her mind, but I had a lot of questions. Asking her about her ex was at the top of my list, but how? I hated the thought of making her talk about what he'd done – I could sense it was bad. I stepped back to her and reached out to brush my hand over her wet cheek.

"We have all day to talk." I leaned closer and captured her wet lips with mine. The taste of her, the softness, she was like a drug. The sexual desire burned so deeply within me that it hurt. I had no idea how I was just going to talk to her, keep my hands and mouth away from her body. I realized that my lust was dominating my actions and I needed to be stronger, strong enough to resist that urge, so that communication lines would open up and she would listen.

_This is going to be the hardest thing I'll ever accomplish in my life. _

I kept kissing her, in a daze. I opened my eyes and drank in the vision of her. _Beautiful_. She opened her eyes and we watched each other as we kissed, then she pulled away as if she'd been stung by my touch.

I was shocked as I recognized that I couldn't function coherently when my lips were on her or when she aroused me.

"I need to talk to Emmett." I repeated, forcing my legs to walk away from her.

I rushed into her room and got dressed quickly. I retrieved my iPhone off the sofa and shoved it into my pocket. I found Emmett placing his packed bag in the trunk of his car. He slammed it forcefully and glared at me.

He was sweating from his run and his skin was flushed.

"Get your bag and guitar, Edward, let's go," he said.

"I need to talk to you," I said, motioning us away from the cabin.

We walked to the waters edge and stood in almost the same spot we'd been after Emmett had pulled me out of Bella's bedroom. I took in a deep breath.

"I'm not going back today. The photos were published. I'm going to call Marcus and tell him I won't be back on set until Wednesday morning. I'll call Heidi and John to let them know as well. I'm staying here with Bella and you're going to fuck off to a hotel and leave me alone with her, and you're not coming back until tomorrow afternoon to drive me back to Vancouver. I'm not negotiating any of this with you and I'm sure as hell not going to change my mind regardless of what you say." I was surprised at how assertive I sounded.

Emmett's stern look didn't falter. He continued to glare at me. I was determined not to back down. Then his blank look dissolved into a shining grin, showcasing his dimpled cheeks and white teeth.

"Well, about fucking time Edward. Your balls dropped! Thank fucking God because I swear to all that is holy if I had to listen to you whine one more fucking second I would have pummeled you so hard," he laughed. "You should see your face. I'm glad you've found your fight, because you realize that this shit isn't going away. This is your crazy life and now maybe you'll own up to the fact that you've let people steer you while you didn't bother taking any responsibility for yourself."

I started at him, gob smacked.

"If you're going to make this work, with that girl in there," he said motioning to the cabin, "without fucking it, without fucking _her_ up, then this is the Edward you have to be 24/7, none of that pussy shit. You _are_ in control of your own destiny. Think about it."

"I have thought about it. I'm sure as hell not going to be the puppet anymore."

My resolve was set. Keeping mine and Bella's relationship thriving and out of the public eye was my one clear goal. _God help anyone that gets in my way__._

Emmett took in my determined face then slapped his huge hand on my shoulder. "Good for you. Hey, I hope you're not expecting me to leave right now. I need a shower and one of Bella's delicious breakfasts then I'll be on my way. I'll be back tomorrow at three," he added before sauntering off to the cabin.

I called Marcus first. I respected him and hoped he'd cut me some slack, but I also understood the pressure he'd be under trying to reschedule my scenes for two days, so I was prepared for him to be pissed.

"Hello," he said in his gruff voice.

"Marc, it's Edward,"

"Edward. I'm just looking at some very interesting photographs. Every gossip and news website has them larger than life. I mean, when you kids go for it, you really go for it," he chuckled.

"You know it was a set up, right?" I questioned, hoping to god he didn't think Rose and I were actually together.

He laughed. "Of course. Heidi warned me a few days ago. Lucky for you she had some idea about how long it would take for them to be published. You're off the hook Edward, but I need you on set bright and early Wednesday morning. With Rose."

"Rose? She's not going in either?"

"No, I just got off the phone with her, she's laying low too. I can spend the next day or so filming scenes where I don't need either of you, but I don't want the schedule to slip. I want this film wrapped by Thanksgiving at the latest. Wednesday, five a.m. not a minute later, OK?"

"Thanks Marc, I appreciate it."

"OK, and Edward, the song. I spoke to Jenks, he's visiting the set in a week, he said he'd be keen to get you into a recording studio, so unless some major disaster prevents it, the song will definitely be in the movie and on the soundtrack. Congratulations."

I was speechless.

"Edward?"

"That's fucking excellent news, thanks Marc."

"My pleasure. See you Wednesday," the phone disconnected.

_Episode_. _Our_ song. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up, but if Jace told Marc he'd get me recording time, then I was pretty sure it would happen. One good thing to come out of the junket was the conversation that I'd had with Jace; male bonding over several glasses of quality whiskey.

I couldn't help but revel in the buzz rushing through my veins.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I didn't dry my hair, I just squeezed as much water as I could out of it with my towel and pulled it back up into a high ponytail. I rushed into the bedroom and closed the door. I had a weird feeling that Emmett would talk Edward out of staying here and part of me hoped he _would_ leave. _How am I going to handle whatever it is he wants to say to me?_

He could have taken my body, just then in the shower, but I'd seen the look on his face – _regret and guilt_? I was so confused. I wanted to feel the way I had after he'd made my body explode; everything had felt exactly how it should. Edward touching me and loving me felt so right. It felt so _real_. But now, now that he was no longer touching me, all those negative thoughts burrowed their way back into my brain. I didn't want them there. I wanted to know that Edward really did want me, that he had driven all the way here to tell me, and make love to me. _Edward is not Riley_, I kept chanting in my head.

I got dressed and walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Bella," said Emmett.

"Hi," I said, feeling my face flame. I was embarrassed that Emmett knew Edward slept in my bed last night.

"Can I use the shower?" he asked.

"Of course," I said.

"Don't suppose you can make me one of your egg and bacon breakfasts again, before I go?"

I stood still, absorbing his words.

"Um, yes, I can make breakfast," I said.

He smiled and disappeared into the hall. _Emmett's leaving, he's leaving Edward and me alone?_ My heart started racing.

Edward and I had been truly alone only twice in three weeks. In his suite when he was drunk and he touched my stomach and I'd run my hands through his hair before he passed out and just now, when we'd touched each other to orgasm. I didn't count the short ten minute drive to and from Laurent's because he'd been concealed on the back seat both times and on the return trip, he'd been completely inebriated.

The thought of being alone with Edward, here in this cabin was scary and exhilarating. I heard the bathroom door close. I walked to the window. Edward was on his phone, standing by the water deep in conversation. His shoulders were tense and he was tugging his hand through his hair.

I had no idea who he was talking to and as my mind started to wonder, I shut that thought down. _He says he's not with Rosalie. I don't have any reason to doubt him, apart from my experience with Riley and my own delusional insecurities_.

I thought back to my diaries buried under the floorboards in my bedroom in Forks. I remembered the promise I'd made to myself – I need to move on from Riley. I couldn't be stuck as that fourteen year old girl, obsessively pining for a boy that I knew I couldn't have.

I had to accept that Riley had never loved me, that he'd just gone with the temptation when I'd thrown myself at him. I had to deal with the loss of him and acknowledge that if he _had _actually loved me, there would be no way I would have won the writing prize, or ever visited Vancouver. _I never would have met Edward_.

My mind drifted back to my sixteen year old self. If I'd gone to live with my dad, I would have met Edward before he was famous, when he was just an ordinary boy, like Eric, growing up with a supportive family in a small town. If I had gone to Forks High, my life would have been completely different.

I was busy preparing breakfast when Edward strolled in; he looked so relieved when he saw me. I watched as he threw his phone on the sofa and walked up to me, locking his arms around my waist and moving in to kiss me.

As soon as his lips touched mine all my insecurities dropped away; I felt whole. I loved him and I couldn't think of anything but touching him, holding him and feeling him hold me. His kiss deepened, and he was pushing me up against the kitchen bench, his hands glided up my body and started combing through my hair. The desperation we both had to be close was consuming every caress, every action.

The distinct smell of burning broke me away from his lips.

"The bacon!" I grabbed the fry pan and skidded it off the burner, a splattering of sticky fat flicked onto my fingers.

"Oww!" I hissed.

I automatically placed my index finger in my mouth to dull the burn.

"Let me see." Edward's voice was hoarse. He wrapped his warm fingers around my hand and pulled my finger from my lips. As he observed my finger, I looked up to his face; he was concerned.

It was just a flash, like an image in a movie or an old photograph; _a flashback_? I closed my eyes; the vision was burned into my mind. For that spilt second I wasn't in the cabin with Edward, I was standing in my kitchen in Sydney with Riley and I'd sucked my finger–the same finger–into my mouth because the thorn from a rose had pricked my finger and made it bleed. The rose was in the posy Riley had brought me.

"Run it under the cold water; it will be fine in a minute," Edward said and the image of Riley was gone. I opened my eyes as Edward guided me gently to the sink and held my hand under the cool running water.

I took in a calming breath. It was the second time this morning that had happened to me. The first was when Edward had kissed me in the shower. I opened my eyes and his eyes were staring back at me as we kissed. We watched each other, I saw his eyes roll back in his head and I broke away in shock. We stood panting, trying to recover. The flashback had taken me back to my fourteen year old self, under the gum tree, as Riley held me and kissed me after dragging me from the garage game of spin-the-bottle.

"Are you OK?" Edward's voice lulled me back to reality.

"Yes," I lied, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and burying my face against his throat.

_What's happening to me? Am I losing my mind?_

"Smells crispy, just the way I like it," I heard Emmett say, but I didn't move from my position in Edward's arms. I felt overwhelmed and dizzy.

"Bella," I felt Edward try to shift out of my tight hold on him.

He kissed me softly on the lips. I watched his brow furrow and I could see the conflict as he forced himself to pull away from me. I stood in a daze as I registered he was plating up the food.

_Emmett will be gone soon and I will be alone, with Edward._

~0~


	30. Study

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I stood on the porch holding Bella's hand as Emmett's car disappeared down the drive. I was nervous and overwhelmed. I knew we had to talk, but when her skin was touching mine, all I could do was think about her cumming, the way her body reacted to my fingers and tongue, and how I wanted her. Even now, just holding her hand, I was aroused and dazed, lust clouded my head, my body just wanted to take her in the bedroom to strip her, kiss her.

I knew I couldn't. I knew I had to stop touching her and _talk_. She told me she loved me, but she hadn't said she believed me about Rosalie. I had to tell her about the photographs before we got back to Vancouver. I knew the photos looked like the real thing – even my mom had questioned me. My brief calls to her and Alice and a text to Ben had cleared up the misunderstanding. Convincing Bella would be an entirely different thing. I _had_ to make her believe me. I also really needed to find out about her ex-boyfriend, and I had to spell out to her what it would mean for us to be in a relationship. I had to do all of this, without a single finger touching her. I sure as hell wouldn't be coherent enough to make her believe me and understand what I truly wanted if any part of my body touched hers.

I dropped Bella's hand and stepped back from her. She looked confused but expectant.

"We need to talk, really talk, about everything," I stated firmly.

I watched as she bit into her bottom lip. She couldn't hide the tell tale blush that seemed to instantly flush her cheeks a delicious rose color. It took too much effort not to reach out and glide the backs of my fingers over the heat.

"Let's talk down by the lake," I suggested. _If I have her outside, it will be easier to keep my hands off her_.

"I think I need a cup of tea," she said, looking nervous. "Would you like one?"

Before I could answer, Bella walked purposefully inside and straight to the kitchen. Her compulsive behavior gave away her reluctance to hear me out.

I walked to the kitchen bench to watch her make the tea.

She was so different from the girl that only two weeks ago had sat next to me in the VIP bar. She had initially been a little shy, but after our nightly meetings and lunch on the weekend, she had opened up to me so much. I thought I knew her, really knew her, but this Bella, the Bella that ran and hid from me when she thought I was with Rosalie, was not the same confident girl; the girl that had risked being caught by the paparazzi to take me to play a secret gig on a real stage.

I motioned for her to sit in the dining chair while I sat opposite. She looked so nervous and very self-conscious. I wanted to hold her, comfort her.

I had to keep my distance. I couldn't allow myself the luxury of touching, knowing what my aroused body would want to do next. _I can't, she's not using a contraceptive and I don't have any condoms._

She sipped her tea, looking at her mug and not at me. _OK, here goes._

"I know what you're thinking," I said in a calm soft voice. "I'm not with Rosalie. She was talking about something completely different when she walked into my suite. I didn't know that you'd interpreted her words incorrectly until I saw your face when you stepped into the elevator. By the time I'd gotten rid of Rosalie, you'd already left the hotel; you didn't answer your phone or respond to my letter by calling me." I recalled the stress I'd been through that night.

"I was frantic, Bella. I didn't want you to think what you thought, because it's simply not true. If Rosalie hadn't interrupted us, I would have told you what you mean to me, and I was going to ask that you be with me, in a relationship. Our friendship won't change, it will get stronger; we'll be stronger together." I stared into her eyes and waited until she looked into mine before I spoke the next three words.

"I love you."

Her eyes filled with tears. When she blinked the tears trickled down her face. I wanted to walk to her, hold her.

_First, I need to tell her about the photos_.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

His declaration made my heart race. I couldn't stop the tears. I felt completely unworthy of his love, and at the same time wholeheartedly determined to earn it. I wanted to give him the love, support, and devotion that I knew he deserved.

He didn't move to touch me across the table, even though I prayed silently that he would.

"I have to tell you there are some pictures of Rosalie and I," he went on. "They've just published. I haven't seen them, but I know they look extremely suggestive. I can tell you this Bella; they're not what they look like, the whole thing was a set up by Rosalie. She has a devious manager who has no ethics when it comes to exploiting her for money."

I thought back to the watermarked images Eric had shown me. Yes, they were suggestive. They implied that Edward and Rosalie had been doing something in his trailer, something intimate and, from the look on her face, extremely satisfying.

_He's not with her, he wants me__?_

I felt overwhelmed as I thought about the torturous anguish I'd been putting myself through. I had been actively talking myself out of being with him, emotionally at least. The physical desire was still there, and it was burning me. He was too far away and I needed to feel him.

With trembling hands I placed my mug of tea on the table. I stood up and walked to him. He looked panicked.

"I believe you," I said softly.

He instantly stood. His large hands wrapped around my wrists as I tried to glide them around his neck.

"Bella, if we start kissing, I won't be able to stop–we shouldn't."

I stared at him; I couldn't help but feel rejected.

"Why shouldn't we?" My voice was barely a whisper. Tears continued to fall.

"Bella, we need to talk, I can't concentrate when you're touching me." He said calmly, and then eased his restraining grip on my wrists.

My vision blurred and my head hurt. I closed my eyes, another flashback shot through my minds eye. _Riley holding my wrists, telling me we shouldn't sleep together. _

I took in a slow deep breath. _These visions are telling me something._ _Maybe my psycho mind is warning me not to repeat my mistakes? _

"OK," I said. He let go of my wrists and I stepped back.

I knew I shouldn't do what I had done with Riley; _I shouldn't throw my body at Edward_. I didn't want to be the temptation. _If Edward loves me like he says he does, then our relationship will evolve easily and when we're both ready. What if that niggling feeling was there to warn me to slow down, to let Edward take the lead?_

He led me to the sofa and sat me down.

"You believe me, about Rosalie? I need to know that when you see the photos you'll know they are all a set up, and you won't doubt how I feel about you."

Edward didn't need to know I'd already seen the pictures. I didn't want to have to explain why Eric was showing me, it would be too weird. I thought back to Angela, how completely insistent she'd been that Edward would never want Rosalie. I had never even seen her with him in the hotel, except that one night. I had to believe he was telling the truth, not because that's what I wanted, but because it was fact. _He's not a liar, like Riley. Edward does love me._ _He wants me._

"Yes, I believe you." I leaned towards him, my eyes on his lips. _I need to kiss him_.

He let me, but it was a chaste kiss and he pulled away quickly.

"We don't have to rush into anything, OK?" he said, pulling me close to rest my head on his chest.

I sensed he wasn't going to let me get any closer to him and I wanted to know why. We didn't speak. I thought about his words. He'd said Rosalie was talking about something else when she walked into his suite. I knew he had his 'rule', about not getting involved intimately with people he works with. _The copyright hasn't been signed. Does he think I'll back out? If something goes wrong between us, if we don't work out, does he think that I won't let him use the lyrics? _

"This is about the song, isn't it?" I asked. "You don't want to make love to me until the song is signed and on the soundtrack, officially. You want to wait until we're not _working together_ anymore?"

He didn't answer right away. I was starting to believe his silence was his agreement.

"This is not about the song," he stated. "This is about wanting us to communicate what we're both feeling. I'm not going to put you through dealing with the bullshit in my life if you're not ready." He pulled me closer to his chest.

"If you're not ready, they'll easily force us apart," he went on. "The media will write hateful things about you, they'll hound you, dig up old pictures of you, they'll twist and skew the truth of your life. We're going to have to keep our relationship a secret. When the song is signed, we'll have to pretend we have strictly a writer - composer relationship. I need to protect you from the media, from my fans, from everyone."

He hadn't answered the question. _Had he, or hadn't he, come here to be alone with me, to show me his love?_

Edward placed his warm hand under my chin and raised my face so I could look into his. "You have to know how much I love you, that we belong together. There can be no doubts. I see you have doubts. Talk to me. Is there something I should know about your ex-boyfriend? What he did to you?"

I closed my eyes, willing the tears not to fall at the thought of talking about Riley with Edward.

"What did Riley do to you?" he whispered as his fingers locked into mine.

_Riley? He kno__ws his name? Angela told him?_

I felt lightheaded. _I thought I could trust her! I can't believe she would have told him! _

"Bella, I'm sorry," he said as he took in my reaction. "You must know that you talk in your sleep?"

I opened my eyes. "Angela didn't tell you about him?" I couldn't hide the relief in my voice.

"No. You said his name while you were sleeping on Saturday night," he said softly. "You called out for me as well."

I couldn't help but pull him to me.

I was relieved that Angela hadn't said anything. I knew I could trust her, but having Edward tell me I called Riley's name in my sleep was more than excruciating to hear. I thought back to the dream; Edward making love to me, Riley watching.

Edward's hands rubbed a slow soothing pattern on my back. The comfort I felt in his arms gave me strength. I needed to tell him. I had to own up to the fact that I'd loved once, and even though the love was not reciprocated, in my mind I _had_ experienced it. I took in a deep breath and rested my head on Edward's shoulder.

I gripped his hand in mine.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

Bella's hand squished mine tightly. I wouldn't force her to tell me, but I hoped she would. I would tell her all about Tanya if she wanted to know. I didn't want to keep anything from her – well, anything except Alice's 'gift'.

Bella pulled my hand to her chest.

"Riley was the popular boy at school. I developed a huge crush on him when I was fourteen. He had a girlfriend. I didn't mean anything to him. When we were nineteen, Riley was in a serious motorcycle accident. I went to see him in the hospital; I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to him without telling him that I cared." Bella took a deep breath, and continued.

"I would sit with him, read, study. It was innocent. It was me trying to get a piece of him, anything from him. I just wanted…"

I kept rubbing small soothing circles on her back. I knew this must be hard for her to talk about.

"He eventually recovered and went home to rehabilitate," she went on. "Five months later he asked me out. I hadn't seen him since he was discharged from the hospital. He was fully recovered from the accident. He told me he'd split up with his girlfriend, even though he was still working for her father. She'd gone overseas." Bella stopped speaking. She locked her fingers into mine and sighed. "I was in love with him, Edward. I was sure he felt the same. I've never been so wrong about something in my whole life. He…I…"

"He cheated on you." I stated, instantly regretting how harsh it sounded. I felt her body contract into me.

"Yes," she said. I could hear the aguish in her voice. "All I know for sure is that his ex-girlfriend had been back in the country for three weeks. I don't know if he got back with her when she returned from her holiday, or maybe he hadn't broken up with her at all, and was cheating on her the whole time he was with me."

"He didn't explain?" I asked. I couldn't believe he could have used her so callously, treated her with such disrespect, not even trying to excuse his abhorrent behavior.

"I didn't speak to him again. I didn't want to know, what would have been the point? He'd made his choice and it wasn't me. He didn't love me." The desolation in her voice was painful to hear.

No wonder she was so convinced I was with Rosalie, that she thought I was just using her for sex last night. I was holding a girl that had been hurt by a man she loved. He had ruined her self-esteem. She must have been carrying this hurt with her since she found out about his deception. I could only imagine the thoughts she's been carrying with her over the last week and last night, loving me, but thinking that I was with Rose. _She thought I was just like him._

I held her. I was furious that he could have treated her that way. What a fucking idiot to have her, this gorgeous woman to love and who loved him and he pissed that love away. I hated that he hurt her, I hated that she was in pain. Her lips found mine and we kissed, but alarm bells were ringing. _Is she so conflicted because she's still in love with him_?

I pulled away.

"Bella," I said. I swept a loose tendril of hair behind her ear. "Are you still in love with him?"

She answered instantly.

"No! I…don't know. I keep trying to forget, but things just keep reminding me of him and then I feel so confused. It's been three years; I know I should be over him. I love you Edward," she said with determination as she stared at me. "I know I love you. It's not a mental construct or fantasy, it's not a _lie_. I am in love with you, but part of me can't help but feel that I don't deserve to…_have_ you."

"Bella, I love you." I couldn't stop myself from holding her face in my hands. "Don't ever doubt it, ever. You have me. I'm completely yours. I don't want anybody else, just you…just you." I soothed her, my hands ran over her shoulders to her back and I pulled her into my body.

She reached her hand up to touch my jaw. We kissed, slowly. Her hand dragged through my hair. My self-control was at breaking point. She was too intoxicating, too tempting. The feel of her lips, the feel of her hand in my hair, was completely too heavenly, awakening my body with lust. I forced myself to pull away again.

"We should take everything slowly. We have all the time in the world to be together. I'm glad you told me about him. I understand why you were so upset last night. I'm not going to do that to you. I want you, only you. Nothing will come between us. I won't let anything, or anyone come between us."

She snuggled up to me and sighed. I was walking a very fine line now. Holding her in my arms, knowing what a cheating prick her ex was. It made me even more determined to prove to her that I was in love with her, that I wouldn't hurt her.

"Nothing will change when we get back to the hotel," I assured her. "We can still meet in the bar; we can still be like this." I squeezed her more tightly to my chest, "We can be alone together in our rooms. I'm not going anywhere, but it's my job to protect you. We need to be discreet. My contract is very specific. I'm not able to discuss my relationships. That's why I can't publicly deny I'm in a relationship with Rosalie until after the film is released."

"What about your rule?" she asked timidly. "You said you wouldn't get involved with people, I mean, _intimate,_ with co-workers."

I kissed her forehead. "The song will be signed this week. My lawyer is coming to Vancouver. And I just spoke to Marcus Blake, the director, he said the executive producer is coming to visit the set and he mentioned that he wanted to get me some studio time. They're going to use _Episode_ in the film." I couldn't hide my excitement.

"You still want to do your music?" she asked me. "Yesterday you seemed so excited about working with Liam Berty."

I thought about telling her that filming would take place in Australia, but I knew I shouldn't, not until it was a 100% certainty.

"I _am_ excited about doing Berty's film. That film is, well, it's going to be fantastic." I grinned at her. "And I still want to do my music. I _will_ be doing my music. _Episode_ will be the song that gets me noticed, and hopefully get me a recording contract. Bella, you realize that you'll get noticed too, that people will want to know about the lyricist that helped me write the song?"

She nodded, but didn't say anything.

Now wasn't the time to start celebrating, even though I wanted to. Yes, she had a point about my rule. It was a rule I tried to abide by. I never wanted to replicate Tanya's behavior. I never wanted anyone to think I would use my status as an actor to abuse people's generosity, to get what I wanted with no thought about who I'd trample on to the get there. Rosalie was only nineteen and she'd already taken that road. I would never allow Bella to feel used, or disposable. That would never, _ever_ happen.

Bella seemed somber after speaking about her douche ex. I needed to lighten the mood. I was energized now that we'd opened up to each other, but I knew being here with her alone, truly alone, wasn't going to last. I needed to use this time with her to get back to how we were before this misunderstanding had triggered what had lead us to this cabin.

"Hey," I said cheerily. "Go get your, what do you call it? Cozy…on?"

"My cozzie?" she smiled.

"Yes," I said softly. "Your bikini, um, go and get it on and we'll go for a swim."

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I stood up; he was playful, boyish and so damn cute. I thought about rubbing sunscreen on him again and my body tingled. I could sense he was reticent about getting any more intimate than cuddling and maybe kissing. I tried not to think of reasons for this, other than he wanted to wait until the copyright was signed. We had both declared ourselves. I didn't think being together, making love to each other, was moving too quickly. _There must be some other reason._ _I'll let him take the lead_, I thought.

I found my bikini still hanging where I left it and I walked into my room. I felt self-conscious all of a sudden. _What are we_? He hadn't labelled our relationship. He said we were in a relationship, but he didn't say girlfriend. Just thinking the word made my tummy flutter.

_Edward Cullen's girlfriend_.

It was weird and scary. He said we'd have to be discreet_. I can't tell anyone. I can't tell Jessica, I can't tell mum or Phil, Dad or Elaine and definitely not Eric._

Would Edward tell Angela and Ben, and his sister? I had no one, no one to confide in. _Kate? I could tell Kate_. She wouldn't tell a soul, maybe she could be my confidante, my sounding board, when my psycho mind needed grounding.

When I walked out Edward was holding two towels and the sunscreen. He asked me to put some on his back. I smirked at him as he grinned cheekily. _Let him lead_, I told myself.

I rubbed the lotion on his skin, feeling instantly turned on and needy. I'd felt what it was like to have Edward touch me, have his tongue on me, feeling his skin under my hands. That recollection woke my body up instantly. _I want that, I want him, however he'll allow_.

In my lust haze I hadn't realized Edward had stepped away and then started rubbing his arms and chest. I averted my gaze, he was too damn beautiful and sexy – how could touching him and watching him touch himself not turn me on?

I rubbed sunscreen into my own skin then we walked out together. He held my hand, grinning at me again. We didn't speak but plunged into the brisk fresh water and swam. I ended up floating on my back, squinting up at the fluffy white clouds above me. So much had changed in the last 48 hours; everything in the next 48 was an unknown.

_Go with it. I love him, he says he loves me, we can be happy. I can make him happy. I am worthy of his love._

"Bella," he called out to me.

I lowered my legs and turned to face his direction. He was standing on the stone.

"Will you share with me today?" he laughed.

I swam over to him. "I'm sorry I pushed you," I said embarrassed. "I just…well, I thought…"

"I know," he smiled. "I shouldn't have…done _this_."

His eyes went dark and he reached out for me, pulling me up against his body. My feet tried to find the stone, but he shook his head and clamped his hands on my thighs and pulled them up, making me wrap my legs around him. I instantly held on around his neck. The water swirled just under my breasts. I felt so light, weightless in his arms, and I felt so content. There was just the fabric of my bikini bottom and his maroon board shorts between us, and Edward, long and hard nestled exactly where I wanted him to be.

"I can't seem to stay away from you," he whispered.

"Then don't," I asserted. I pushed my hips forward.

We kissed then the burning ignited and turned passionate and hungry and our teeth clattered together. He tried to get a better grip on my bum and I hung on tight around his neck. I could feel his warm skin pressed against my bare stomach in the water. Edward's fingers splayed over my bum and he pulled me closer and rocked his hips.

_Yes_! He was hitting the exact spot I needed. He was leading; I was going to let him do whatever he wanted.

His pace was quickening, he didn't stop the urgent kissing and rocking and I was tingling all over. _Let him lead,_ I chanted, but I wanted more. I wanted skin to skin.

As if he read my mind he adjusted his hold on my bum and one hand roughly pulled half of my bikini top aside. My breast, wet, pale and covered in goose bumps, was exposed and he glared hungrily before smothering it with his large wet hand, moaning as he fondled and then hungrily kissed my lips again.

His steady rocking into me was slowly, torturously slowly, bringing me closer, closer. I wanted the barrier of the fabric out of the way.

"More, Edward, please," I begged when his lips pulled away from mine. He complied instantly, his hand that was covering my breast lowered over my hip and underneath to pull my bikini bottoms aside. He groped clumsily. I could feel the cool water swishing around me, cooling as he pushed a finger inside and started thrusting. I pulled tighter around his neck as he kept rocking into my thigh. He buried his face against my throat, licking and tasting me, rocking and thrusting.

It still wasn't enough. I wanted _him_.

I snaked my hand down to find him, sliding my hand between us and over his length. I tried to burrow my hand into his waistband.

"DON'T!" he said sternly. It was hot and commanding and even more electrifying when he pushed another finger inside me and rubbed my pleasure point. My body was on fire. Edward plunged his tongue into my mouth in quick pulsing bursts, as if mimicking what he would be doing if our clothing wasn't restricting access.

I came.

I came so hard again, and the hyperventilating sucks of air that I breathed deep into my lungs made me lightheaded yet exhilarated. I could still feel him rocking into me; his hand pulled out and he pulled my body against him hard, rocking fast and frantic and I wanted to be giving him more.

"Let me…" I panted.

I tried to touch him, but Edward groaned at me. "_Please_… don't move, I'm gonna…"

His warm hands dipped into my bikini over my bum with long fingers splayed and griping my bum cheeks oh so tightly. He held me with force against him, his rock hard length ground into me. I heard him moan and I held steadfast around his neck, hoping he wouldn't lose his balance on the slippery stone.

"Urgh, _Bella_," he grunted then held me still. I felt the sensation of warmth on my thigh. I could feel his heart pounding.

He was more beautiful than ever.

He was…did I dare even think it…._all mine_.

~0~

**A/N: If you're still here, thank you for trusting me with it. Luv BBxx **


	31. Interlude

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I held Bella tightly, feeling the warmth of her body in the water, her lips on my neck. I breathed in the smell of the sun, the water, her wet hair. My limbs were shaking. I wanted to drown in the scent of her.

When I saw her floating on her back, lust had overtaken all my senses. Bella's skin was creamy white, her tiny toes poking up from the ripples, the way the water swirled around her breasts, her bikini top wet and stuck to her hardened nipples. I wanted to feel her, touch her. The freedom and isolation of this beautiful place made me lose my control. It was just me and Bella and the birds in the trees.

I realized my body was rubbing against hers in the water. Like a horny teenager, pushing against her, humping like a dog in heat, trying to imagine the friction of actually making love to her, feeling the sensation and the emotion of joining my body with Bella's.

I recalled touching her intimately, giving her pleasure. I let the words we'd spoken to each other seep into my consciousness. There was more to say, so much more to say, but my body wanted to feel her and I was aghast at how my mind was plotting ways we could have intimacy without actual intercourse.

"I love you," she whispered into my neck.

I squeezed her to me more tightly. "Bella, the word _love_ doesn't come close to describing everything I'm feeling right now." I kissed her earlobe.

_Control_; _I don't have it. I don't need it, she loves me; we belong together._

When my mind wandered back to Vancouver, back to the orderly confines of the hotel, I wanted to rebel. The thought of hiding her and sneaking around, never truly being alone, knowing there were hundreds of other people under the same roof as us; it wouldn't be the same as this. I knew it, and trying to convince her otherwise was completely delusional on my part.

I wanted to be able to walk down the street with her. I wanted to take her on a date or jump on a plane to LA and introduce her to my family. I wanted to move her into my hotel room, make love to her every morning, and every night. Then when filming was over, I wanted her to come to LA with me, stay in my condo, live with me.

I was still holding Bella in the water. It was peaceful, my heart rate had slowed. She kept pushing her lips against my neck, inhaling my skin. My lust slowed and simmered. I didn't want to move, and it felt like she was happy not to either.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I said. My hands glided up her back, over her shoulders.

"I want to know what I am to you," she croaked, huskily. _Is she crying?_

I pulled her shoulders back to look at her. She wasn't crying, she was flushed and glowing and her eyes were full of desire and...love.

"What you are?" I asked, not quite comprehending her meaning.

She bit her lip, looking embarrassed.

"I know it has to be a secret, but am I... your _girlfriend_?"

I watched as she closed her eyes. I could feel the tension in her body as she hunched her shoulders forward and tried to hide her face against my neck.

I didn't let her.

"Open your eyes Bella." I waited.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly and apologetically. "I have no...you don't have to answer-"

I kissed her, a deep passionate kiss. I stayed in control. It was the perfect balance of love, desire and assurance. When I pulled away she was breathless and dazed.

"Yes, _girlfriend_ is one word for what you are to me," I panted. "There is another way I want to refer to us, a way that fits more perfectly. We're soul mates, Bella; you are my twin-soul. You're the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with."

She looked confused for second and then she pushed her face into my neck and sighed. I held her tight.

_She can feel it. I know she can feel it. _

We stayed silent, in our embrace.

"What do you want to do today, apart from write?" I asked her.

"This...just this..." she responded and squeezed me closer to her.

I closed my eyes. I had no idea how I was going to get through tonight, lying in bed with her without wanting to..._be_ with her, feel her. I knew we couldn't, and I tried to talk myself into just doing it_. I'll pull out before I_ _cum_...that thought sent a shockwave through my body. There's no way I'd be able to stop. I wouldn't have the willpower to stop myself before it was too late.

"Are you cold?" Bella asked me. No doubt she mistook the involuntary shudder through my body as a chill.

"No, I'm just..." I sounded reflective. I thought back to our conversation. I need to lighten things up. The seriousness of our attraction was evident. We can be playful, not so heavy in our affection. _Can't we?_

"I'll race you back to the cabin," I said.

She pulled back and looked into my eyes. The playfulness I tried to inspire didn't catch on. "You go ahead, I'm just going to swim for a little longer," she unlatched herself from my neck, smiled timidly at me and floated back, treading water before swimming out to the middle of the lake.

I watched her fluid movements then swam back to the bank. I felt lonely when she was no longer in my arms.

_This is going to be so difficult. _

_No, it won't, our friendship, we need that back._ The whole situation with Rosalie had damaged the casualness of how we were together. The intimate touching had become addictive. I didn't want her to think that's all I wanted. I wanted her to know, that we'd be more, she was far more to me than a sexual conquest.

_I know how to get the confident Bella back_; _by immersing in the one thing we've both been missing since we got to this cabin._

_Music_.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

My head was awash with confusion, my mind at war with itself.

_Just because the words are identical to the dialogue in the book, it doesn't mean anything! I mean, I read all the time. Words seep into my subconscious, daily. Just because he's read those words and used them, doesn't mean it's an act. It doesn't mean anything. He loves me, he loves me._

I was trying to calm myself, trying to think rationally. I couldn't get past the neurotic belief that Edward used those particular words to describe our relationship - words straight from the book and maybe the movie script.

_Soul mate. Twin-soul._

I took in deep breaths.

I floated on my back again. I could still feel Edward's fingers inside me, his tongue in my mouth; I could hear his whispered words.

_'I love you.'_

_He loves me. He loves me._

_FUCK YOU RILEY BIERS FOR MAKING ME SO DAMN PATHETIC!_

I screamed at him in my mind. I screamed out in anguish.

I should be happy; I should be completely euphoric that Edward Cullen was in love with _me_, that he is my boyfriend. _I should be_. Then why was it that the little fourteen year old girl in me kept taunting in a sing-song teasing voice _"he doesn't want you...you're not good enough. He has a beautiful girlfriend; he'll never pick you."_

I plunged my head underwater in an attempt to stop the thoughts, to snap out of the derogatory self-talk I'd tortured myself with, ever since I'd found out Riley didn't love me.

_Three years...people mourn a death for less time than that._

I swam until my limbs ached and my stomach felt hollow. I'd eaten maybe three mouthfuls of scrambled egg and a tiny bit of bacon at breakfast. The empty feeling was exacerbated by my headache, _my self-inflicted stress headache_.

I stood on the bank and dried myself with the towel. The sun was warming, there was a gentle breeze. Edward had asked me what I wanted to do today. I thought I wanted to drag him into the bedroom and recreate this morning, or even entice him to get back in the lake with me and recreate that as well.

I knew in my heart that he wasn't going to make love to me here. The thought of being in his suite at the hotel made me feel physically sick. I didn't want to go back there. The excitement I'd felt when I'd thought we'd be reading a real movie script and doing something as normal and fun as eating pizza and watching a DVD; those memories of being with him there in room 3401 were tainted by the scene that had unfolded when Rosalie showed up.

_He's not with her._

Still, I didn't want to step another foot back into his room at the hotel. Even my modest room on the eighth floor held more appeal than his penthouse suite. _I'd much rather he made love to me the first time here, inside this charming cabin where we are truly alone_.

I did crave the comfort and familiarity of the purple bar though. I closed my eyes as I recalled Edward playing the piano and singing _Episode_ to me, and James bringing me champagne. Then an unwanted flash of those flirty cougars, touching, groping him, inviting him to their rooms; _Edward told them I was a journalist. _

That's what it would be like back in the hotel. We'd sit together, we wouldn't touch or kiss, and then what? He'd go back to his room and me to mine? _Or would he walk me to my door and spend the night with me? Every night with_ me?

_I could just ask him. I could ask what he expects. He says I'm his girlfriend, soul mate, twin soul..._

I walked slowly back to the cabin. As soon as I heard it I felt my heart race. He was playing _Episode_. It was the version he'd recorded in Ben's home studio.

I opened the screen door and stepped inside. Edward was sitting at his laptop; he smiled widely at me then beckoned me over.

"It's the playlist I made for you, the songs that hold some meaning for me. I burned the CD's for you, but I forgot to pack them."

Edward wrapped his arm around my waist as I stood looking at the list of songs in his playlist. He'd named it 'Music for Bella'. I recognized some, others I was desperate to hear, to experience the music Edward loved. Seeing him so excited made me relax. _He loves me; he made me a playlist!_

"Why don't you go and get dressed and then I'll play it for you? While we decide what we're going to do today?"

I wanted to kiss him and run my fingers through his towel-dried hair. Instead I took a deep calming breath and walked away from him and into my room to change.

_Let him lead. Don't jump on him like one of his rabid fans. _

Then I saw Edward's balled up shirt on the floor. I picked it up and closed my eyes when I remembered the role this garment had played in our erotic interaction this morning.

I recalled the blank look on his face when he'd pinned me to the bed. I'd been positive he was thinking about _her_, but no. Something had troubled him. _Should I ask him? Did I want to know?_

I got dressed then picked up the novel from beside the bed. For my own peace of mind and sanity, I wanted to read his script and assure myself that he was here with me because he was in love with me - not because of anything to do with the role in Liam Berty's new film.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

"Why don't we...pack a picnic and take a walk down the trail by the lake? We can hike until we find a nice spot, sit under a tree and, um, you can read the novel, I can read your script?" she said excitedly. She placed the novel on the dining table.

"It sounds perfect, except I didn't bring the script with me," I said. She looked disappointed.

"Oh, OK, well, do you want to go anyway?"

"Yes," I said. "What do you need me to do?"

"Nothing...except put some sunscreen on and grab the blanket from the car. I'll do everything else."

I watched as she started pulling things from the fridge, her brow furrowed with determination.

I walked out into the late morning sun and to her rental car. I fingered the fringing on the rug when I held it. This was the rug she'd covered me in when she snuck me out of the hotel to play a gig at Laurent's. _I want to go back there, with her. I want to kiss her in front of the whole club, in front of Laurent_.

Before I knew it, Bella and I were walking down the trail by the lake. It was serene. I felt..._normal_. I felt like a teenager again. I recalled hiking with my father through the Bogacheil State Park when we'd lived in Forks, back when I was just a regular teenager, not an actor whose face was recognized everywhere.

We sat by the lake, in the shade. There was a small clearing just five meters away, with wild flowers and grass. It was beautiful. It was...perfect.

Bella had made us delicious cold cut sandwiches and she served some fruit. I was so full and contented that I ended up lying next to her with closed eyes, wishing this moment could last. _Maybe I could just disappear_. I had enough money; I could hide out until everyone forgot who I was. I could grow a beard, be a mountain man, hunt for food, protect her, love her. We'd only need a cabin, no technology, no cell phones, peace, quiet, the lake and Bella. The thought made me smile. I could live like that. I could do without everything in this world, except her.

I felt Bella lay next to me and take my hand.

Her fingers glided over my palm, my knuckles, my fingernails. I felt her breath as she kissed my hand; the warmth made the hairs on my arms stand up and I turned to face her as I opened my eyes.

Bella lay on the rug, her ponytail a tangled mess above her head, my hand in hers, stroking it over her face, her soft pale skin, her delicate features emphasized with the size of my hand.

I wanted nothing more in the world than to kiss her, but I knew if I did I'd lose that control I was trying to convince myself I didn't need. I knew I couldn't really. With all that she'd told me, we should wait until we could get back to the hotel, think about what we were doing and have the means and time to explore without fear of being interrupted, or in my case, being caught short of protection.

I closed my eyes again and languished in the feel of her touching me. I didn't want to move. I was so relaxed; I could almost feel my body sinking into the earth underneath me. Bella turned and lay with her head in the crook of my arm, her thigh resting against mine.

Our breaths in sync, my hand tingled from the feel of her touching me. I fell asleep.

I dreamt of being sixteen again, hiking with my father when we lived in Forks. We'd come across a mountain lion, feral and hungry, its bones prominent under the shaggy and matted fur. It had seen better days.

As my father and I sat crouched behind a moss-covered fallen log, admiring the beast, I glimpsed a movement and looked up to see Bella. She seemed completely out of place in my dream, like a vision. She was wearing a short white dress and was oblivious to the dangerous animal that was only a few yards to her right.

I panicked. I wanted to yell out to her, but I was frozen, trying to think of the best way to warn her.

"_Dad?_" I hissed at him, as he looked on.

"She'll be OK, Edward. She'll survive."

I wanted to shake him, he sounded so casual and unconcerned and then to my horror, the beast saw her and started stalking, teeth bared, dripping with saliva, hungry, feral and deadly.

I jumped up from my concealment and Bella saw me, still unaware of the danger. She smiled lovingly at me and started walking forward cautiously over the rough ground. I needed to warn her. I wanted to shout out to divert the animal's attention, but my voice was gone. I couldn't speak.

The animal, too desperate and focussed on what it wanted bore down on its paws to gather enough momentum to strike.

"BELLA!" I shouted and vaulted over the log, but it was too late. I saw a blur of fur then a blinding white light flashed again and again, in a relentless strobe, confusing me and blinding me. Through the red and orange ghosting in my vision I saw Bella's pale legs on the ground, cut, bruised and dirty.

I shielded my eyes and then stormed forward.

The flashes intensified, the sound deafening me.

My eyes focussed and the beast was gone, replaced by a pack of paparazzi hovering over her, their camera's firing in rapid succession, the pop and wheeze of their flash packs charging and firing and the rapid repetitive snap and click of the shutter ringing in my ears as I tried to push them aside to reach her.

They wouldn't let me.

"_Edward!_" she called in a timid voice and I tried to reach her through the wall of men. Anger burned me so fiercely as I punched and kicked at them, trying to get to her. _I need her to be safe._

"I'm scared, Edward!" she called to me.

"I'll protect you," I shouted out, but I knew I had failed. I hadn't protected her, she was hurt and separated from me and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't break through to get to her.

"_Edward_?"

I woke, startled and disoriented until I felt her hands holding mine as she sat next to me, with a look of concern.

"You were dreaming. I woke you."

"Bella," I sat up, and cradled her in my arms, kissing her frantically. There was an ache in my gut with the remembrance of the dream.

_I'm going to lose her. She's gonna get hurt because of what I am._

I was suddenly aware of our surroundings and desperate to leave.

"Are you OK?" she asked in a soft voice as her fingers ran across my jaw.

I closed my eyes. It was inevitable that once the media, the paparazzi, knew how I felt about Bella they would do that to her. _Hunt her, track her, eat her alive. How can I protect her from that?_

"Just an unpleasant dream." I told her. "I'm OK, we should go. I'm not sure what kind of wildlife could be near. We should go back to the cabin."

"You mean bears?" she sounded surprised.

I helped her up. _She's_ _so innocent, so delicate and easily breakable. I'm not strong enough to protect her. I need to be stronger._

"Yes, and maybe wolves."

I helped her pack away the plastic plates and cups that were still out and I rolled up her rug. We found the trail and started back towards the cabin.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

He held me and kissed me, but then freaked me out over the whole bear and wolf thing. I wanted to stay cradled in his arms sleeping near the lake in the shade of the tree. The surroundings were so different to the bushland in Australia.

When I'd closed my eyes and held him, I could almost imagine that we were in the forest behind my dad's house in Forks. I felt young and carefree, I let my mind fantasize that I was sixteen and met Edward at Forks High, that he wanted me, and that he'd made love to me, taken my virginity, lying on a rug in the forest. _A simple teenage fantasy? Imagining what I would have wanted if I'd met him, back then?_

I hadn't had that.

I hadn't lost my virginity until I was twenty. I'd not been carefree and lustful with boys at school, I'd never let boys touch me or steal kisses from me in between classes. I'd been shy and timid, hiding behind books. My only focus, apart from my schoolwork was sneaking glances at Riley, imagining him asking me out, kissing me again. I only wanted Riley.

This morning when I'd touched Edward, I felt the rush, the surge of adrenaline and arousal that I'd missed out on in my teenage years. It was all for him, giving him pleasure and feeling it, feeling him in my hand and regardless of who I thought he wanted, knowing it was _my_ body that had aroused him. It was so typically Edward to want to return the favor, and his tongue and long sensual fingers had lovingly and greedily built my euphoria up and up to heights I'd never even dreamed of; the release I'd felt was better than any orgasm I could recall. _Ever_.

Then in the lake, the way his eyes devoured me and the way he held me tightly. It was sublime being outside and in the water with him while our bodies instinctively found pleasure. We'd been _outside_. I knew we were in an isolated place, but hikers could have turned up, a boat could have appeared on the lake. It was liberating and dangerously exciting. Edward had let go completely. I had no idea if he'd ever done that type of thing with his high school girlfriend, or with Tanya, but his desperation and the desire he'd shown for me was addictive.

As we walked back to the cabin, holding hands and not speaking, I started concocting fantasies in my head - things I wanted to do with Edward, before we got back to the hotel. I started checking off a list in my mind.

_Take him in my mouth. Kiss every inch of his body while he lies naked on the bed. Ask him to go down on me again. Make out like teenagers on the sofa listening to his playlist._

"Hey, are you OK? I didn't mean to upset you about the wildlife. I'm sure we're fine; I was just remembering something from when I went hiking with my father a few years ago."

"I'm OK, sorry, I was just daydreaming." I said, realizing we were standing on the porch of the cabin.

"You're blushing," he said softly and glided the backs of his fingers over my cheek. "What were you daydreaming about?" he said playfully.

"Do you really wanna know?" I asked. I could feel my heart rate accelerate. _He's my boyfriend, I can tell him anything._

"Yes?" he said, looking apprehensive and curious.

"Can we listen to the rest of the playlist, please? Um, while we...I want to..." _Fuck just say it, out loud!_ "Why don't we just...make out? On the sofa." I added enthusiastically. My cheeks were literally burning now and I actually felt like a giddy fourteen year old.

His face stayed frozen for a beat too long then he licked his lips and they were on mine. He kissed me while his large hand held my face. "Yes," he said in a breathy whisper. I thought my heart would beat out of my chest.

Edward kept kissing me slowly and turned to walk backwards as he pulled me inside. He stopped walking when the screen door closed behind me. He stepped away. I watched as his lips pursed adorably, his eyes looked heavy, his fingers curled over mine as he held my hand.

"I'll start the music, you can, ahh, sit on the sofa for a minute?" he said. I could feel desire sweep through my body, tingling me between my legs in a low pulsing ache.

"OK," I said and glanced down at his crotch before I walked on unsteady feet to the sofa. _He wants to; he's just as aroused as me!_

I carefully lifted his guitar that was lying on the sofa and placed it in the open case by the window. I closed the lid and latched it with a snap. I sat demurely with my back straight and my knees together as the anticipation built and swirled, making me dizzy. I could hear Edward fumbling behind me, the track-pad of his Mac clicking in a fast staccato rhythm.

I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself, but it was no use. I wanted him, completely. I wanted so much for him to want me, that way. But I also knew that the crazy way I acted last night might have alerted him to the state of my psycho mind. I knew he thought we didn't have to rush things, but _if he wants me, he need only ask me._

The music started and Edward sat next to me on the sofa. He took my hand and smiled at me.

"I love you, Bella." He swallowed. "I want to make out with you. We shouldn't, um, go any further though."

The decision was his, and I felt relieved that he was willing to voice it. All I could do was nod then Edward's hands were on my face as he kissed me. Like last night, it started off so slow, and sensual then ever so slowly, as our breathing picked up, the magnetic pulse and tingling feeling rushed through my body in a wave. I thought the need, the physical need to have him inside me would be too much.

I'd say it was unconscious on my part, but that would be a lie. I straddled him, so our bodies were connected, like they had been on the bed last night. The kisses were harder, rougher, more needy. The sting and drag of Edward's facial hair over my cheek and jaw as he laved his tongue all over me made me feel so alive. Every nerve ending in my body was screaming for him_. Why are we denying ourselves this? Why doesn't he want to go all the way?_

_Let him lead._

_Tell him what you want and make it happen._

_If not now, maybe tonight? He's waiting for tonight._

_Tonight_, I kept chanting in my mind. _Yes, he'll make love to me tonight. This is like extended foreplay._

I could wait until then.

But I couldn't wait to touch him, skin to skin.

"Edward, can you take off your T-shirt?" I asked breathlessly.

He complied instantly and I was suddenly ravenous to taste his skin. I slowly pushed him back on the throw cushions. He instantly reclined on the too small sofa. My body weight pressed down on him, I could lean forward to kiss his throat, his chest and his hard nipples.

I was so hot for him; I thought I might spontaneously combust.

Instead, sure that he'd make love to me tonight-that I could be with him without crying like the emotional wreck that I was-I took it oh so slowly. Edward's moans and grunts as he started thrusting and rubbing against me, like he'd done in the water, told me this make out session would not last long. I wanted to prolong it, and give my fourteen year old self something she'd missed out on.

I lifted myself away from his hips.

"I want to go more slowly," I said. My eyes never left his as I pulled my T-shirt off to expose my bra.

"Bella," he said. He looked like he was in pain.

"You said we couldn't go all the way," I stated. "Can we...second base?" I asked as I unhooked my bra.

I had no idea if the bases I was referring to meant the same to him, but I thought second base consisted only of kissing and touching. _We'll save third base for tonight._

His eyes became intense and mildly manic when I tossed by bra on the floor.

Then he launched himself at me, his huge hands covered my breasts, his mouth started kissing my nipples, licking me as he moaned my name in a song that made me high.

I knew I was small, in comparison to Tanya Denali and I was anxious about my body, even though he seemed to regard me reverently when I'd stripped in front of him before we showered that morning. His head right_ there_, his hands so big and fingers long, plucking and stroking my skin, his long tongue expertly swirling around. I was intoxicated with lust.

_I don't need to compare my body to Tanya or even Rosalie. _

_He wants me!_

~0~

A/N: You came back? Yay! Thank you, Luv BBxx


	32. Rhythm

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

Her kisses were driving me crazy. I felt the ache in my groin intensify but I didn't stop her.

"Edward," she whispered. "Can you…take off your T-shirt?"

My heart pounded. I wanted to do whatever she said, but I was also wary of where I knew this would lead. I knew unprotected intercourse was out of the question, but when I thought of her taste, and helping her cum, I knew I couldn't pass up the opportunity. So, with eyes closed and a sigh, I found myself yanking my T-shirt over my head.

Wordlessly, Bella pushed lightly against my chest until I was lying back on the sofa. I closed my eyes. The anticipation of feeling her lips on me was even more exciting, not knowing where or when she would kiss me.

She didn't wait; her lips resumed kissing my throat. I felt her body weight on me, where I needed contact the most. Slowly, so slowly, her kisses moved in a jagged line across my neck. I felt the long strands of her ponytailed hair float over my skin as she lowered her head. Her lips were moist and soft; her breath was warm, rapid. Bella continued kissing me, across my collarbone, and back down the middle of my chest. I pulled her warm body against me more forcefully. She was hot and I couldn't help but moan when I felt her mouth cover my nipple, as she slowly kissed and then licked.

I opened my eyes, and watched as her lips moved to my other nipple. The sight of her pink tongue, touching delicately in a circle and then her lips closing over as she lightly sucked, had me trembling.

This was one of my ultimate fantasies. It's like Bella knew exactly what to do to make me damn hot, and all she was doing, technically, was kissing me. She stopped and looked at my face as she breathed heavily.

_Fuck_!

The weight of her body on me, unmoving, was the sweetest torture, so I thrust up to her. She suddenly lifted herself off me.

"I want to take it more slowly," she said.

I focussed my eyes to see her remove her own T-shirt. The sight had me in a deranged panic.

"Bella," I said, my tone a mixture of chastisement and excitement. If she thought removing her clothing was taking it slowly, I was going to die of heart failure.

Bella was still wearing her shorts and a platinum colored lace bra.

I watched in awe, desperate for her. _Just take off her bra, take off her shorts, kiss and lick her breasts, thrust into her as she rides me. _

My hands–that had been resting lightly on her waist–were now itching to touch all of her. _Fuck, she's so gloriously sensual. We can't risk doing much more than this._

Who was I kidding? If she wanted me to take her, if she asked me to, I knew I would, damn the consequences.

My father's clinical voice shot through my brain. '_Edward, you need to act responsibly when it comes to sex. You must always wear a condom.'_

_Damn it. I don't want to be hearing my dad, not now!_

"You said we couldn't go all the way," Bella's words made me ache. "Can we…second base?"

I watched, mesmerized as she removed her bra.

I grabbed her, touched her, moaning and kissing, licking and fondling her creamy white breasts. They were perfect; soft, warm and delicious.

Nothing, nothing at all could compare to this; to the feel of her and my desire to have her. _Ask me Bella, just ask me and I will. I'll take you. I want you._

Bella let me kiss her breasts then I felt her push me to recline back on the sofa. Her lips and body lowered on top of me. We kissed and kissed, and when she pulled away to breathe, I licked her neck, my hands at the side of her breasts stroking and fondling.

It was bliss.

It was torture.

I wanted her. _What's the worst that can happen?_

_She'd have my baby. She'd be connected to me, forever. It's gonna happen anyway, one day. _

_No! Not now, not before I've had her all to myself. I need her, all to myself._

"Bella," I held her face in my hands and stared at her.

I tried to say the words, tell her we should stop, slow down, but how? I wanted her, she wanted me, but it was too risky to continue. I knew if I didn't find the will to stop now, I would descend into a lustful blur and it would be inevitable. I wouldn't be able to stop myself from going all the way.

Suddenly my dream flashed back to me.

_I'm the fucking mountain lion, salivating to taste her, to claim her. I have to take control of this!_

"Bella, I think we need to," I closed my eyes before I said the words, fearful that she'd see right through me, "just hold each other." I took in a deep breath.

I felt her body slump against me, her arms holding me tightly.

Just feeling her body under my fingertips and knowing that she was it for me, calmed me immensely. _We have the rest of our lives to be together._

I could smell her skin, her hair and I could feel the soft breeze of her breath over my chest.

After I willed my body to calm, I kissed her forehead.

We lay together without speaking. I couldn't believe how much emotion I felt, just holding her. Everything Alice had said was true. Being with your soul mate is everything. I knew I'd do anything for Bella, be anything I could be. I knew our lives would be passionately happy, always supporting each other equally, learning and living together, every single day.

I remembered what Alice had said to me when I was sixteen:

'_Edward, I dreamt of your soul mate! She's beautiful; she's kind and self-sacrificing. She will love you more than you will ever know. She will be searching for you; you are destined to be together. I think it's soon, Edward, I feel you will meet her very soon.'_

The only part of Alice's premonition that didn't happen was the year. I knew that I would have met Bella at age sixteen, if she'd actually gone to live with Chief Swan in Forks.

I tried to imagine what it would have been like meeting her then. I'd had a great school life. I played baseball, spent a lot of my spare time composing and playing the piano. I was an A student. I would have been attracted to Bella instantly. I couldn't help but wonder what both our lives would have been like if we'd met seven years ago. But I also remembered that I kind of resented Alice's 'gift' back then. _Would I have deliberately treated Bella with indifference, in a childish protest against Alice's premonition?_

_Fuck! Seven year__s. I could have been with Bella seven years ago. _

I remembered she'd told me about not going to Forks because she had a tough time or something. Suddenly, I wanted the full story.

"Bella, can I ask you something?"

She breathed in and out deeply. "Yes."

"Tell me why you didn't go and live with your dad when you were sixteen, exactly?"

Her fingers started running up and down my chest. It felt too good. I stilled her hand and brought it up to rest over my heart.

"I would have missed my friends and…"

"And? Please tell me." I said softly and squeezed her tighter in my arms.

"I didn't want to leave Australia. I wanted to be…it was…Riley."

My heart sank. _Riley, of course, she'd told me she had a crush on him_.

We kept holding each other. If Bella had left Australia, we would have been together, there was no doubt, and Riley wouldn't have had the chance to hurt her. She would have been mine and mine alone. There wouldn't have been the mistake of Lauren Mallory either. _If time could be rewound…_

But time can't be rewound. Alice was right. I was destined to meet her anyway. So it didn't happen when we were sixteen. _We've met now and that's all that matters_.

I thought back to my dream. _I won't be able to protect her every minute of every day, but we'll get through anything as long as we have each other_.

"Can I ask you something?" she said softly.

"Yes, anything."

"When you're working…I mean, you know, on a movie, how do you, I mean, if you're supposed to be in love, and you have to…"

I knew what she was trying to say.

"Bella, I become the character. I can use all the emotions I've felt from past experiences to act like I think the character would, in any particular scene."

"So when you're kissing…Rosalie, you just believe you're the character and remember the emotions you've felt in the same situation to make it seem realistic?"

"Yes. That's the method. I can separate my professional life from my personal life so when I'm acting a kissing scene with Rosalie, I'm feeling the emotions, as I think the character would. Even though I am kissing her, I psych myself up to think like the character, so even though it's me physically and I'm recalling emotions that I've felt previously, I can still separate myself from the act, if you know what I mean."

"Oh," she sighed.

"I don't feel that way about Rosalie, Bella. I can let my character be in love, because I've felt that emotion. I'm living in it right now. I can use it, but it doesn't mean I feel it for any of the actors that I work with." I smoothed my hands over her hair.

We lay in silence again.

The breeze blew through the curtains. The sun had shifted. I guessed it was after three o'clock. I had only twenty-four more hours of alone time with her, but I needed to separate from her tempting body. I was determined to get our casual friendship back to how it was when we'd been in the hotel.

"Maybe you can write and I can work on my other song. Unless you think that will be too distracting for you?" I suggested.

I kissed her again. I couldn't believe how sensual her lips were.

"Inspiring, not distracting," she said. I watched as she rolled over me and stood up.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

_Tonight, tonight._

I couldn't help but smile. I pulled back, and lifted myself over his body to get up. I was still topless; his eyes drank in my body adoringly. I blushed as I fumbled for my bra and slipped it back on, bending as I reached behind to hook it up, my less than abundant cleavage falling forward.

He noticed. I watched as Edward adjusted himself in his shorts and licked his lips.

_Why does he have to be so blatantly sexy!_

He closed his eyes. "You're killing me Bella. I can't even tell you…" he said softly.

I quickly put my T-shirt on. _He wants me now?_

I looked down at his shirtless body. "I don't need to write, right now. I mean if you want to…?"

His eyes flashed open and he shook his head, though his eyes were absorbing me, running over my body.

He sat up quickly. "No, you go and write. I promise not to…distract you too much." He stood up, kissed me chastely on the side of the mouth, grabbed his T-shirt off the floor then walked across the room to unclasp his guitar case.

I went straight into the bathroom. _How can I wait until tonight? I want him now_. I was so turned on from our make-out session that I needed new undies.

I snuck into my room and got changed into some fresh underwear. When I walked back into the living area, Edward was seated on the armchair, where he'd sat last night, a pencil in his mouth and a sheet of paper on the armrest, his guitar held as if ready to play.

_Damn, I wish he'd stayed shirtless._

I sat at my laptop, and opened my latest chapter. I couldn't stop smiling, as I re-read, and continued writing. The soft strum coming from behind me made my heart flutter in my chest. _How can this be happening to me?_ I was sure that after Riley I would never be able to feel this level of love or desire. I had to stop typing and poke my cheeks; they were so sore from grinning like an idiot at the way he'd held me.

I thought about his words. I thought back to the photographs of Edward and Rosalie on set, kissing. He looked so in love as he was about to kiss her. _He was in character. He's not with her_. I smiled again then a disturbing thought hit me. _But those photos were taken a few days before I went to Forks. Was he remembering his love for Tanya when he kissed Rosalie_?

Those unsettling feelings started welling up inside me again.

_He said he could separate his personal life and professional life. But he also said the song wasn't the reason he wanted to take things slowly. He's stalling going further because he's waiting for the song to be signed, or maybe, no he's not being Nicholas; he's not being a character_. _It's me that Edward wants; he loves me._

A ringing sound startled me. I turned to see Edward, his brow furrowed, place his guitar down and move the throw cushions off the sofa to find his phone. When he saw the display he didn't look happy.

"Hey, what's up? Everything's fine…Oh…I understand…Hang on." He lowered the phone and looked across to me.

"We have to leave here tomorrow at midday to make the ferry on time. Emmett wants to know if he should book you on it as well. I'll have to travel with him, but, we'd get back to Vancouver at the same time. If that works for you?"

I hadn't even thought about leaving. All I had to do was place the keys in the little pot on the porch, where my confirmation email told me they would be. I knew Edward couldn't drive back in my rental car with me, and that made me feel anxious.

_Midday_? _That leaves me less than twenty-four hours to be here alone with him._

"OK," I said. The anxiety I was feeling began to consume me. As Edward kept talking to Emmett I kind of switched off.

I turned back to my laptop, but now the text on the screen looked like a jumbled mess. I felt an ache in my chest.

_Everything will be fine when we get back to the hotel. Everything will be OK. He'll still want me._

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

Bella and I made dinner together. It was fun, light-hearted and easy. In fact, it was too easy being with her. So many times I'd unconsciously reach for her, or found myself staring at her lips, wanting to taste them when she licked the wooden spoon.

So, to distract myself from any inappropriate behavior, I questioned everything she told me to do in the kitchen. She took the bait, laughing and joking with me, so casual and funny. This was the girl who had taken me to Laurent's, she was here again and more alluring than ever.

I was more than excited that we were making lasagne, my favorite.

We sat opposite each other when we ate. We drank the last of the wine. Everything was casual and I'd been elated that we'd finally gotten back to that easy friendship that we'd established at the hotel. Bella asked me about each song on the playlist, about why I'd chosen them and what they meant to me.

I washed the dishes as she dried them and put them away.

The music stopped.

It wasn't late, but suddenly it felt like last night. Awkwardness swallowed up the easy banter once the music was no longer playing.

"I suppose we should get ready for bed?" she said, biting her bottom lip nervously.

As soon as I comprehended that I would be lying in bed with her, I was instantly hard.

_Fuck! _

_I'll just hold her and sleep, no big deal._

"Sure, I'll see you in there then." I turned away and proceeded to pack my guitar in its case.

_I'll keep my dick in my pants. I can make love to her back at the hotel after I get some condoms._

I heard the bathroom door close. I sat heavily on the sofa. _I should have just asked Emmett for some. _

_Fucking hell, how am I going to get through until morning? _

_Fuck it, I haven't had intercourse in two years, I can wait another night._

_This is going to be the ultimate test of strength._

I waited until I heard Bella come out of the bathroom and I took a pair of clean boxers into the bathroom with me, chanting to myself to stay calm, which wasn't really working.

I brushed my teeth, three times. I found her perfume bottle, memorising the name, inhaling it, stupidly. The smell made me rock hard within an instant. I thought about having a shower and jerking off, but I couldn't, not while she was just across the hall.

_Man the fuck up! Stop thinking with your dick._

I opened the bathroom door and walked with purpose into the bedroom. Bella had left the lamp on. I scurried to get as quickly as possible under the cool sheets. I switched off the lamp. It didn't really make much difference, Bella hadn't lowered the blinds and moonlight lit up the whole room, just like last night.

I pulled her against me and kissed her forehead.

"Goodnight Bella," I said, hoping to God she didn't accidently brush any part of her warm body near my aching dick.

She snuggled into me, her hand curled around my waist.

"Aren't you going to give me a proper kiss goodnight?"

_Jesus fuck!_

I felt her shift up to me, and her lips found mine. She kissed me softly then opened her mouth. _Her tongue; her taste_. I kissed her back. Then I stopped.

"Goodnight," I said.

She didn't say anything for a minute and I could feel my body tense.

"Goodnight, Edward."

As soon as the words left her lips I felt my body relax enough to sense the soft mattress underneath my back. I was so relieved that she seemed to want to sleep as well that I pulled her closer and closed my eyes.

Bella shifted her body until I could feel her lips at my neck. Her breath was a soft caress over my skin. Then I felt it, the lightest of kisses, over my neck and under my ear.

"Bella, we need to sleep." I said, rather unconvincingly.

"I want you to make love to me." She whispered.

I froze. My body ached all over, ached for her.

"We can't, Bella."

Then I felt her hand run down my stomach. I grabbed it, before it reached my straining dick.

"_Please_, let's just sleep." My voice came out all wrong. I sounded frustrated.

"You don't…want me?"

I thought my heart would split open in my chest, she sounded so hurt.

"What? Of course I want you," I said quickly, my hand cradled her face. "How could you think that I don't?"

"Then what are we waiting for? I _need_ you Edward, please, make love to me." She rolled on top of me, pressing her body fully against me. Her hands went to my hair and she kissed me, hungrily, passionately and desperately. Feeling her warm body on me was about to completely undo all the feigned control.

"Bella, I don't have any condoms," I said as soon as I was able to pull her away from my lips. "You said you're not taking precautions…we can't…I want to, but we just can't…"

She looked at me with confusion. I saw her face fall.

"You didn't bring any with you?"

"No, God, I didn't plan to…well, I didn't think. I just left the hotel with one thought and that was to get to you before you saw those pap pics."

"Last night…I thought…"

"I wasn't thinking practically last night. I was just so relieved that I finally told you how I felt, that you let me tell you that I love you, Bella."

I kissed her, overcome with emotion. I knew I was an idiot. _Of course she wouldn't have known I didn't have any protection with me! No wonder she thought I didn't want to be with her._

"I'm sorry," I said in between kisses. "When we get back to the hotel, I promise you, there's nothing I want more than to make love to you."

I kissed her; her body weight on me was once again, a sweet torture.

Then Bella's lips and body started moving down, slowly kissing my chest and then nipples, driving me insane with lust. It wasn't until her lips reached my navel that I realised what she was doing.

_God yes, yes_!

I was visualizing Bella's lips and how plump and full and erotic they were, and how they always aroused me when she did something as simple as take a sip from her wine glass. I'd lost count of how many times I'd imagined her lips on my dick as I got myself off, alone.

Her nose skimmed along the waistband of my boxers. She was straddling my knees now.

_Don't look, do not fucking look._

When her hand lightly ran over the outline of my throbbing dick I could feel myself tense. Her fingers curled against my skin, she pulled, lifted and dragged down the waistband.

_I should stop her. _

_This is third base, third base!_

"Tell me to stop, if you….don't want me to…" she whispered.

_Oh Jesus, Bella. Don't stop, don't stop!_

I couldn't speak. I couldn't look. It was taking all my restraint, all my control not to pull her to me. Instead, I lay as stiff and unmoving as a corpse, too afraid and expectant to do anything else.

Breath. Hot

Fingers. Cool.

Tongue. Wet.

Tasting.

Consuming.

_Fuck!_

I opened my eyes.

The sight of Bella with me in her mouth as she lazily glided up and down, her small hand wrapped firmly around the base of my dick, squeezing, pulling, tugging; I had fucking died and gone to heaven.

Then another sensation in addition to the wet heat of her mouth that surrounded me; Bella's other hand cupped me, slowly rolling me over her fingers.

I moaned and chanted incoherently.

"_Bell-argh_. Bell-ahhhh!"

She opened her eyes. She looked up at me through her lashes, and I was gone. Even though I'd already climaxed twice that day, nothing could have stopped me when she had me in her mouth.

"I'm gonna…" I warned and watched as she lost suction for a split second. She smiled at my words; the look of pride on her face was unmistakable.

She sunk down and pulled me deeper into her mouth just as I couldn't hold it anymore.

I cried out with my release, the sound echoing around us.

Bella's lips stayed on me as she swallowed down all that I had.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

It was like an out of body experience. One minute he was telling me he didn't have any condoms and then I was taking him out of his boxers and pulling him into my mouth.

_So hard, yet silken soft and slick and filling; big and long. _

When he indicted he would come, I felt so elated, so happy and anxious to taste him.

He swelled and twitched and his hips jerked off the bed as I pulled him in as deep as I could without gagging.

"BELLAHHHHH!" he shouted. I felt the warm pulse of his ejaculate glide down my throat as I swallowed, and I kept my lips around him until he had nothing left.

I opened my eyes to see Edward, spent, his chest rising and falling with each rapid breath. He was beautiful and his face so relaxed, he looked so young. He looked like the photograph Eric had shown me from his yearbook; Edward at sixteen, relaxed, alive and without a care in the world. I tried to absorb the look; I wanted it in my memories forever.

Slowly, I extracted him from my mouth, wiping saliva off my lips and chin with the back of my hand and trying to catch my breath. I tucked him back into his boxers, and slid up his body to rest my head against his chest; I could hear his heart thumping wildly, his arms surrounded me.

Even though the ache between my legs didn't dissipate, I knew all I needed was the comfort of his embrace to feel satisfied.

"I'm so in love with you," I said.

It was true and I wanted to shout it, but my voice was soft. _Only for him; words only for him. No one else mattered. As long as I'm his and he's mine, I don't care._

_Hide me in the hotel, love me; I will cherish you until you're ready to be with me publicly._

I knew there wasn't really a choice in the matter for me, but I owned it. _I just want Edward. If it has to be a secret, so be it._

We lay in silence. I would have assumed Edward was asleep except for the constant soothing stokes of his fingers through my ponytail. I wasn't going to break the moment. I had no idea what was going on his mind then I wanted to know.

I used the words he had spoken to me in the lake. "Tell me what you're thinking," I whispered.

He didn't speak straight away and when he did, he sounded as though his mind was far away.

"You don't know how many times I've imagined you doing that to me," he said softly.

"Really?" I asked. "How many times?" I asked playfully.

"You've heard that men think about sex an average of thirteen times a day?" he asked.

"Um, no," I laughed. "I thought that was an old wives tale," I joked.

"It's not. Since you took me to Laurent's, that's all I…I mean, it's not all I've thought about, but it's dominated my thoughts."

"Laurent's?" I asked, confused.

I shifted my body so I could look up to his eyes. Even in moonlight they were intense, so warm and expressive.

"That was the night that I let myself admit that I was in love with you," he said, kissing me softly.

My head was reeling. That was the night I knew I was in love with him too. I felt my skin flush when I remembered the look on his face as he sang _Episode_ and what the two older ladies had said. '_That boy is in love with you.'_

_If he was in love with me then, maybe he was thinking about me when he was in that scene, filming the kiss with Rosalie?_ I felt my love for him sweep through my body. Tears came, my heart beat so fast. _Edward loves me._

"I love you," I said. The pulsing between my legs burned and I rocked into this thigh.

The playfulness was now heavy again, serious and crackling with desire.

He kissed me then suddenly he glided himself from underneath me and positioned me on my back. His hand tugged on my undies, he started yanking them down with one hand.

"Edward!" I said, anxiously. "You don't—" he cut me off with his tongue in my mouth, kissing me frantically.

Then he pulled away. He looked so dangerously sexy in the moonlight. His eyes were dark, the thick black roughness of his three days' growth a stark contrast to his pale, almost luminescent skin. He was staring at my mouth then I felt his long warm fingers over my thighs as he lowered the fabric. I easily shimmied and used my foot to push my undies all the way off.

He pushed the jersey of my tank top up, until my breasts were exposed. I reached down to lift it all the way off.

"I can't be inside you," he said in a breathy whisper, "not yet, but I can still show you my love. I can give you pleasure now, Bella. I wanna make you cum."

I couldn't help but moan. His words sent a shiver through my body.

When he lowered his hand, it was embarrassing to know that he could feel how aroused I was.

"Your desire for me is beautiful," he said softly. "Please don't ever be ashamed of it."

It wasn't the first time I'd been convinced he could read minds. I sucked in a deep breath. The anticipation of his touch made me dizzy.

_We're connected somehow…like he said, destiny or something?_

His lips attached to my neck as his fingers started exploring.

Swirling and pushing.

Stroking and plunging.

All the while he sucked my neck, or kissed my cheek, or jaw. He skimmed his nose along my ear, sending blissful shivers up and down my spine and over my scalp.

"Edward," I whispered. I was so close and so euphoric. He lowered his head then his lips found my breast and he nuzzled and kissed and licked. Is hand kept plunging, circling.

His head lowered as he kissed his way down my body. I knew where he was headed, but I wanted his lips on mine.

"Edward," I panted, and touched his jaw. "Please kiss me," it sounded like I was begging. He slid his body back up, his fingers never breaking contact with me.

He kissed me, his tongue, long and forceful, plunged into my mouth. He grunted.

I was so, so close. I pushed my hand down to his and when his long sensual fingers hit the right spot, I wrapped my hand around his and guided him precisely where I needed the pressure.

The sound that escaped my throat was indescribably embarrassing. The orgasm radiated low as my limbs tingled. I sucked in a lungful of air, panting it out again with a whimper. I held his fingers where I needed them, the sensation continued, going and going, in a never ending vibration of pleasure.

When the orgasm petered out, I opened my eyes. Edward was staring at me.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered.

I knew he meant it. I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted and needed him. _He loves me._

Edward only removed his hand when I let go of my tight hold on it.

"I love you," we said in unison.

~0~

**A/N:** As always, I love to read your thoughts and I know I've been slack with review replies, but I'll try harder this time. Thank you for reading. Luv BBxx


	33. Coda

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I woke to the feel of Edward's warm hands gliding over my back. I was still completely naked and instantly yearning for him.

I wished I'd taken Jessica's advice before I left Sydney and gone back on the pill. But that had been five weeks ago—I would never have imagined being in this position. I'd been positive that I would never find anyone that I'd love, more than I had loved Riley Biers, ever again. _How wrong had I been?_

Edward rolled over so my upper body was across his. My breasts were squished against his chest as he cradled my face.

"Good. Morning." He punctuated each word with a deep kiss.

My heart rate picked up and my skin broke into goose bumps. "I'm still naked," I murmured.

He languidly kissed my lips, making my body tingle all over. "Yes, you're naked and in bed with me. If I had my way, you'd be naked and in bed with me every single day and every single night." His voice was husky and seductive.

"You're not naked. I want you to be naked too."

"That's not a good idea, Bella."

He was right, it wasn't. We kept kissing. I recalled when I'd last had my period; _two and a half weeks ago. _

I thought I knew a lot about reproduction. I'd supported Renee through years of trying to conceive with Phil. My cycle was bang on twenty-eight days. I could bet my life that I was fertile right now.

_Unprotected sex would be a very reckless thing to do_.

The thought of conceiving Edward's baby didn't freak me out though, it made my heart pound, and the tiniest slither of desire for it to happen seeped into my consciousness; but only for a split second.

Edward's arms surrounded my waist as he pulled me on top of him. I could feel his erection through the thin cotton of his boxers. I had no shame; I wiggled a little until it was right where I wanted it to be.

"Bella," he said before he kissed me again, his hands glided down my spine, over my bum cheeks and he squeezed them as he pushed his hips up to me. "You feel so good." He murmured against my open mouth.

I wanted him so much, but I knew, without a condom, we couldn't.

Our kisses stayed soft, but so much desire was burning behind mine, so much selfish desire. I recalled our intimacy in the lake, the joint orgasm simply from dry humping each others bodies. _Well, actually it was more like wet-humping. _Before I could comprehend how he may react, I spoke.

"Edward, I want to try one thing." I said, my body zinging with need.

We didn't have protection, but there was nothing to stop us from both seeking a pleasurable release?

I placed my hands on either side of his shoulders and pushed up to a sitting position, lifting myself on my knees. He watched me; actually his eyes never left my breasts as I slowly lowered myself onto him.

His eyes widened as he stared at me, confused, and maybe a little panicky.

"I want to do what we did…in the lake." I rocked my hips, sliding my naked body up and down his length, the cotton of his boxers already damp from my arousal.

"Oh fuck, Bella. _Fuck!_" he closed his eyes, and lifted his chin, the crown of his head pressing into the pillow. I kept the pace slow, watching him underneath me, the stretch in his neck, his jaw set, his lips wet.

_Edward is the most classically beautiful man I'll ever lay eyes on._

Edward reefed the pillow out from under his head and threw it to the floor. His hand grabbed my waist, anchoring me as he thrust up as I slid my body back and forth.

I watched, absorbing him, the tension in his abs, arms and neck, but his face, the look on his face… Edward's body in pleasure was a sight to behold.

I increased my pace. He opened his eyes and watched me.

I placed my hands over his and pulled on them, he let me glide them up to cover my breasts.

"I love you," I said breathlessly.

I did, I loved him irrevocably, my eyes watered with the emotion I was feeling, being so intimate with him and feeling his desire for me.

His large cool hands massaged my breasts; his concentration seemed to be equally distributed–thrusting purposefully underneath me as well paying close attention to what his hands were doing.

He thrust even faster.

This was as close to penetrative sex as we could safely get. The friction was sublime and I was already so close.

_Imagine him actually being inside; imagine feeling his body completely connected to mine_.

I was going to come.

_I need his lips on me. _

I leaned forward, his hands supporting my upper body as I pressed my open mouth over his. The feel of his tongue on mine was indescribable. His breath was fast and held the most delectable taste that I could have never conjured up on my own. _Edward's breath, his essence._

It was Edward's tongue, and the feel of his erection rubbing relentlessly between my legs that set off my orgasm.

I came, rocking frantically and riding myself through the shooting pleasure that tingled right to my toes. I didn't stop rocking; I needed to feel him come as well.

When I opened my eyes, I looked upon Edward's face. His brow furrowed in deep crevices, his lips pursing, his long eyelashes fluttering.

"Bella!" his hands left my breasts and he grabbed my hips, stilling my movements as he pushed up hard against me and let go.

I felt the pulse and heat. I watched Edward's face as he climaxed. I knew he'd ridden it out when his tight hold on me softened, the creases on his forehead smoothed out in relaxation. He opened his eyes and he caressed my face as he pulled me into a soft breathless kiss.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I kissed Bella deeply, but it wasn't enough. I was out of air, and drunk on the pleasure I'd just experienced with her.

I rolled her over, pressing her back against the mattress and attacking her with my mouth. I only pulled away to breathe then my lips descended to her neck while I gulped down air.

_Fucking unbelievable_.

I couldn't get the vision from my mind of Bella riding me – it was the most erotic thing I'd ever experienced, because she was there with me, looking at me and gauging my reaction to what her body was doing. I'd had to close my eyes because Bella's look was too intense, too powerful, I wouldn't have lasted half the time if I'd been watching her.

I needed to get my boxers off and come back to the bed and just kiss her, touch her and absorb and reflect on everything I was feeling.

"Do not move an inch." I told her. I forced myself to pull away from her soft skin and get out of the mess in my underwear.

I scrambled off the bed and looked down at her. She had her eyes closed, her naked body stretched lazily, her legs straightened and her back arched. _So fucking beautiful._

I walked into the bathroom, pulled off my boxers, and found a facecloth to clean myself. I was on the bed with her in a flash, wrapping my arms around her and pushing my naked body up to hers.

"Hmmmm," she moaned and pushed her breasts into my chest. "I like it when you're naked too."

I held her, my arms slipping under the small of her back, my mouth resting on the curve of her neck. Her fingers danced over my shoulder and through my hair. I was drowsy with relaxation and contentment. The temperature was cooler than yesterday, but Bella's body heat was enough to make me more than comfortable.

"I don't want to leave here," she said. "I'm scared that things will change between us when we're back in the hotel." Her voice was so soft.

I rolled over and pulled her to my chest. "It won't. We won't let it. _I_ won't let anything change."

Anxiousness took hold of me. _Should I tell her about Alice? How can I prepare her for my fucked up public life. Our trip to Laurent's was a fluke; we wouldn't be able to do that again without all hell breaking loose. Why do I feel like she's going to run from me?_

"We'll get through it Bella. We'll be discreet, especially while the pictures of Rose and me are still headline news. The paparazzi will be following my every move, even more so than usual. I just want to have time to spend with you away from that part of my life. We can be relatively safe from that kind of intrusion in the hotel."

We kissed; the feeling of desire and longing was painful. _I have to keep her hidden for as long as possible. She doesn't need to know about Alice's gift until they meet. I can't think about any of that now._

My kisses travelled down her neck and I started heading for her breasts when she stopped me.

"We should eat and get ready to leave in case Emmett gets here early. Why don't you have a shower and I'll start breakfast?"

She was right, but the desire to keep touching her was overwhelming. "Just a few more minutes," I said before I kissed her, "of this," I kissed her again, "then we can leave the bed."

"_Edward_," she moaned wantonly and I felt her tongue in my mouth.

_This is more than love, more than passion and desire._ I couldn't comprehend what I felt for her, so I just soaked up the sensation. It didn't take long before I became semi-erect and panting for breath.

Bella pulled away. "I think breakfast is a good idea now." She said as she bit down on her plump bottom lip and slowly got off the bed.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

We'd had breakfast together and had started packing our belongings. The morning had gone by in a blink of an eye and I was becoming distraught.

We'd showered separately. I understood now why Edward had stopped himself from just taking me in the shower yesterday. _He didn't have a condom._ _That's why he asked me if I was taking a contraceptive. He would have entered me if I'd said I was on the pill. He'd never want to have a baby with me!_

The thought made my stomach drop.

I stood in the bathroom, gathering my shampoo and conditioner and trying not to let the anxiety that was consuming me take hold. I looked at myself in the mirror above the basin. My skin glowed, my hair, even though it was a tangle of knots, looked as if it was intentionally styled. I felt more alive than I had in three years. I closed my eyes as I recalled the way he felt underneath me; his perfect body reacting to mine in a way that was too overpowering.

_Did that happen? Yes, it did._

A part of me still couldn't fully accept that he was here because he wanted to be with me, because he was in love with me and wanted to have a relationship. It all seemed too implausible.

I wanted him, I loved him but it was painful to admit, because no matter how much I wanted to believe him, I knew if I let myself just bask in it, let myself completely absorb and revel in the feelings of love, it would be all the more debilitating when something went wrong.

_He could change his mind when we get back to the hotel. He could change his mind when the song is copyrighted. He could love me until he leaves Vancouver, and I'll never see him again._

My hands were shaking. I always seemed to have these worst case scenario thoughts when he wasn't with me. When he's touching me, when he's looking at me, I believe him, completely. When I'm alone, those self doubts creep in. The feelings of unworthiness, the incredulity that Edward Cullen loves me, fills me with dread.

_If this all goes wrong, I won't survive it. How could one person live through two broken hearts? _

I knew I couldn't.

"Hey, are you OK?" Edward's soothing voice and warm hands caressed me. I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I'm freaking out." I said truthfully. "I don't want to go back. I just need more time here, alone with you. I hate myself for not listening to you when you got here on Saturday and I wish we…"

I couldn't finish, I buried my face against his t-shirt, breathing him in, trying to memorize the scent.

"Bella," he bent his knees so he could be eye-height with me. "Please don't freak out, I'm doing enough of that for the both of us. I'm not going to lie to you, it won't be easy, but if we keep to ourselves in the hotel, we can work out what to do. Let's just get back there and meet like we would normally, at the bar. We can discuss everything; we can work out what we both want."

_What we both want? What if you don't want the same as I do?_

Edward's lips were on mine. It was a soft, delicate kiss that was so unlike the earlier desperate and passionate kisses we shared. My whole body was melting from the tenderness of it.

"Edward? Bella?"

Edward broke away from my lips when we heard Emmett call for us. He looked at me with a soft smile and an expression that told me everything would be OK, but we were out of time to be alone.

~0~

"This is my cell number, Bella. I want you to call me if you need to, for anything OK?" said Emmett.

I took the piece of paper with his number and read. _Emmett McCarty_.

"Thanks Emmett," I said and went to put it in my pocket, but he shook his head at me.

"Put it in your contacts now please Bella, that piece of paper could get lost."

I rummaged for my phone in my bag and typed in his name and number.

"OK, now call me, so I have your number," he instructed in a business-like tone. I saw Edward roll his eyes theatrically behind Emmett's back.

I did what he asked, and I kind of felt secure in the knowledge that I had someone like Emmett that I could call on. He was candid and jovial, and I knew Edward trusted him completely. I couldn't help but feel the same.

Edward put my bag in the rental car and I watched as he placed his bag and guitar in Emmett's. I was panicky as I went from room to room, checking I hadn't left anything behind, closing the windows, trying to breathe deeply to calm myself.

I wrote a 'thank you' message in the visitor's book and clutched the key tightly, taking one last look at the room that would be in my memories forever. I locked the front door, closed the screened door and placed the key back in the little clay pot on the porch where I'd found it.

I looked down towards the cars to see Edward staring at me. I couldn't decipher the expression on his face; _sadness, disappointment_?

Emmett was already in the driver's seat. I walked down the stairs to embrace Edward.

"We'll follow you, OK, but I don't think we should interact on the ferry. I'll call you and we'll meet in the bar when we're back at the hotel."

"OK," I said simply. I needed to tell him what being with him here meant to me. I couldn't find the words; my head started to pound.

"Are you…OK?" Edward asked, twinning his fingers lightly in my hair.

"I…know we won't be alone like this again." I said, trying to keep my voice from breaking. "I…just wish…"

Edward kissed me and pulled away abruptly, but I saw he looked upset. "Just a few more hours and we can be together again, like this," he pulled me against his body. "I love you."

I closed my eyes. I didn't want him to think it was just the sexual intimacy I was going to miss. Emmett chose that second to start the car. I knew we had to go to reach the ferry in time.

Edward walked me to my rental car, opened the door and waited until I had my seat belt on before he kissed me goodbye.

My hands were trembling when I watched him walk to get into Emmett's car, and I willed the tears not to fall.

I took in long deep breaths as I drove down the driveway. I could see them both clearly in the rear-view mirror. They were speaking casually.

My panic slowly dissipated as I concentrated on driving.

I had no idea what would happen when we got back to the hotel. I tried to analyze why I felt so distraught, and then the realisation hit; it was as clear as the bright blue sky.

_Riley hid me away from everyone. He never expressed his 'love' for me to anyone. Not his family, not his friends, no one._

I remembered the three months of mine and Riley's new physical relationship. The intimacy we'd shared didn't extend beyond the walls of my one bedroom apartment in Sydney.

The parallels between that relationship and mine and Edward's relationship were tenuous at best, but still the nagging doubts surfaced.

_Edward doesn't want anyone to know about me. Edward will be my boyfriend only in the hotel._

I knew this wasn't the first time my mind had made this comparison.

_What did I do wrong with Riley? What can I change so that I don't repeat the same mistakes with Edward?_

I spent the next long hours drive making a mental list of things I could have made better.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

When my cell vibrated, I thought it was Bella. We'd be off the ferry in less that ten minutes and that meant just another thirty or forty minutes before we'd reach the hotel.

My mood darkened though when I saw it wasn't Bella calling me.

"Hello Heidi," I said.

"Edward. We need to debrief. Jace thinks we should turn the _unfortunate_ incident to our advantage. I've booked the meeting room on the third floor, so can you come down in twenty minutes." It wasn't a question, it was an instruction. I also knew, as far as she and Jason Jenks were concerned, they did not view Rosalie's stunt as _unfortunate_.

"I'm not in the hotel." I said pleasantly, though through clenched teeth.

"Well, when can you get back? This can't wait until tomorrow. You and Rosalie will be seen travelling to the set tomorrow morning; I need time to prepare beforehand." She said tersely.

I knew there would be no getting out of this meeting and frankly, I wanted my time face-to-face with Rose to get the anger off my chest before we were expected to 'act' as the 'in love couple' on set. I knew Heidi, her meetings went for a couple of hours minimum, and that meant time that I could be with Bella wasted hearing about how Rosalie and I need to conduct ourselves in the public eye.

"Edward? What time can you be here?" she prompted me.

I felt my nostrils flare as I breathed in. "One hour."

"Alright. One hour, Edward. Meeting room on level three." She hung up.

"Fuck!" I spat.

"What was that all about?" Emmett asked.

"Meeting with Heidi and Rosalie in an hour to, I don't know, _discuss_ what we should and shouldn't say in public about the pictures." I scoffed.

"You told Bella, right, so she's cool with it?" he asked me.

I thought of Bella. She said she believed me.

"Yes, Bella knows. I should call her and tell her I can't meet her for a couple of hours." I opened my contacts to scroll to Bella's name.

"Ed? I saw them…the pictures. They were on practically every cover of every magazine on the stand when I filled up with gas before I picked you up."

"How bad are they?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'll be honest; you'll have half the male population imaging their faces where yours is, and probably the entire female population wanting to be Rosalie." He chuckled, but he knew it wasn't funny. "They're bordering on porn, man, they look, even to me, they look _real_."

I dropped my phone in my lap and buried my face in my hands.

"You did explain everything to Bella. She knows they were set up." He stated.

I nodded. Yes, she knew, but something told me she would still react badly when she saw them. I knew her ex had hurt her, and even though she'd expressed her love, I sensed there was something she wasn't telling me.

I felt like the biggest hypocrite on the planet. I was keeping Alice's premonition from her.

_I have to call her, before she starts driving._

I dialled her cell.

"Hi," she said softly. Just the sound of her voice excited me.

"Hi," I responded. _Fuck, I need to see her._

"I was thinking that maybe I'd drop in on a friend that lives nearby. If that's OK?" she said.

_Friend? What friend?_ I suddenly felt anxious. "Oh?" was all I could verbalize.

"I can meet you in the hotel bar, like we planned. We can meet after dinner, say eight?"

The insane caveman in me wanted to question her about who her friend was, but instead, I found myself agreeing.

"Yes," I said simply.

I needed to meet with Rose and Heidi anyway, so it made perfect sense to meet Bella in the bar later.

"OK, I'll see you tonight then. I…_love you_," she whispered softly and without giving me the opportunity to say it back, she hung up.

~0~

**A/N:** **Sorry for the delay…fanfiction *coughs* yeah, need I say more? So, Edward is going to confront Rosalie and hopefully Bella will confide in Kate…I promise to post promptly. Luv BBxx**


	34. Scale

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

"OK, I'll see you tonight then. I…_love you_," I said hastily and hung up.

I felt strange. We'd only been apart a couple of hours, and yet saying 'I love you' on the phone sounded weird and foreign and I instantly regretted it. _Maybe I shouldn't just blurt it out like that? Does the sentiment weaken the more you declare it?_

I'd spent the entire trip back to Vancouver Island compiling a mental list of all the things I'd done wrong in my relationship with Riley and I was determined not to repeat any of them when it came to me and Edward.

I'd obsessed over Riley since he'd kissed me at that damn party and I hadn't been discreet about that obsession. Everyone at school had known I had a crush on him, _even Victoria_. No one had said anything to my face, but I knew they all thought it was hilarious that shy, bookworm Bella crushed on outgoing, popular and creative Riley.

Even the night he took me out to dinner to thank me for visiting him in the hospital, I'd thrown myself at him. I'd tempted him, using my body as a lure. If I hadn't gone after him like I did, he would never have been with me. _He'd still been in love with Victoria._

In the three months we were together, I'd been clingy and insatiable. He was probably conflicted and craving the intimacy we shared, because _she _wasn't there for him. _But she had been, for three weeks he'd been with us both._

The thought made me feel sick. The thought made me angry at him for telling me all those lies. Regardless of what had happened, he could have broken it off with me when she got back, but he'd chosen to lead me on. He knew about my obsession with him. _He used __me_. _God knows how long he would have strung me along if I hadn't caught him with her at the restaurant._

All I'd wanted to do was get back to the hotel, invite Edward to my room, and ask him to make love to me, but I forced myself to delay. I didn't need to repeat that mistake. _If Edward really loves me, he'll wait until I've sorted through this shit in my head before we go further._

I needed a friend to confide in. Angela was out; she was Edward's friend, I'd feel weird discussing him with her. I couldn't call Jessica, she would never be able to keep it a secret, and maybe she would doubt that I was telling her the truth. The whole thing was completely unbelievable, even to me. Jessica had lived through my Riley obsession; she knew everything that happened between Riley and me. She would think Edward was just another irrational fantasy that I was trying to turn into a reality.

I needed an impartial viewpoint.

_Kate_.

In fifteen minutes I'd pulled up at Kate and Garrett's B&B.

"Bella! It's so great to see you," Kate exclaimed when she opened the door.

She led me into the kitchen and made me some tea. Garrett was there prepping food for dinner. After some small talk and Garrett thanking me for getting the contractors back on schedule, Kate and I ended up in the sitting room.

"Where have you been, you look so, well Bella, your skin is glowing you look like you've…"

I smiled shyly at her.

"Oh my god did you," she lowered her voice, "get lucky?"

I could feel my face blush scarlet.

"Give it up! Who? When?" she asked.

I took in a calming breath.

"Remember I told you about the guy I fell for?" I said.

"The one that was in a relationship?" She looked worried.

"Yes. He came to find me, at the cabin. He needed to explain that I'd misunderstood his situation. He's not with her; he feels the same about me. It's kind of complicated, but we're…I mean, he and I are going to see if we can make it work." My heart pounded as I said the words.

"Oh Bella, that's just wonderful!" she pushed herself up from the armchair to walk over and hug me.

"I'm so happy for you. Tell me all about him!" she sat back down, her eyes shining with excitement.

"He's just...indescribable. He's funny; he's so creative and sensual. I just can't fully comprehend; I don't want to stuff it up Kate. I…love him, so much."

"What's his name? You met him in the hotel?" she asked.

I took in another breath to try and calm the fluttering in my tummy.

"Yes, we met in the hotel. His name is Edward." I said, waiting for her to put two and two together. _Surely Garrett told her Edward Cullen was staying in the hotel?_

"That's such a coincidence," she smiled and I watched as she shuffled forward in her seat, mindful of her growing baby bump, and leaned to leaf through a stack of magazines on the coffee table. "Edward Cullen, the famous actor, is staying in Vancouver somewhere as well. I thought it was such an uncommon name nowadays, but maybe it's not so uncommon."

She passed me the magazine she was holding and I looked at the cover.

My heart palpitated; my head felt light and my stomach dropped. The picture was all my nightmares come to life.

There was Edward and Rosalie in an embrace so intimate it was almost too perfect. Her hair was sexily dishevelled, her eyes were closed, her lips were on his and there was a glimpse of her tongue. The look on her face; I could feel what she was feeling because I'd experienced it. Even more devastating was seeing Edward, his hand frozen in the moment, touching her hair tenderly while his other arm lay protectively around her shoulder. A wave of nausea flowed through me. My chest tightened. I was in shock.

_These are the photo's he'd been talking about_. I was rendered immobile by the realisation that Edward had not been talking about the comparably tame photographs I'd seen on Eric's laptop; the photos of Edward and Rosalie walking into Edward's trailer and her coming out alone.

"Oh God Bella, _your_ Edward is _Edward Cullen_?" Kate sounded more shocked than me. I understood why.

The picture said so much. It looked so real and convincing. It was ultra high quality and adorned the entire cover of _People_.

"Yes," I said my voice shaking. My head pounded as the blood rushed through it; my heart rate pumped.

"He told me it was a set up. It's fake." I said with a sad and tearful sob. My voice sounded different to my ears, too high pitched, bordering on hysterical. "He found me at the cabin to assure me it wasn't real." Even as the words left my mouth it sounded like I was trying to convince myself.

I flicked through the magazine to the feature, and saw the uncropped versions of the photographs in glossy detail.

Rosalie's dress was halfway up her thigh; there was champagne on the table in front of her. They were sitting on a plush chaise lounge in a beautiful, decadent room.

I didn't want to, but my eyes started scanning and reading the text.

_The on and off-screen lovers were caught leaving the movie premier a mere fifteen minutes into the screening. They were whisked away separately, in an obvious ploy to throw off the paparazzi. A source close to both stars said they were forced to attend the function by their studio's public relations representative, however, after the formality of their appearance on the red carpet, the love birds decided to have some alone time in the private anti-room off the hotel's main function area, where the premier after-party was scheduled to kick off two hours later._

My vision became blurry and tears dripped down onto the magazine.

The fourteen-year-old girl inside me woke up. Devastated and hurt, she chanted. _'He doesn't want me. Why would he want me, when he can have her? He must just want the song. He'll tell me anything so I'll let him have the lyrics. He's like Riley, he'll use me for what I can give him and then he'll discard me. No one will ever want me.'_

A faint shred of another Bella tried a feeble protest.

_NO! This isn't real. He said they weren't real!_

I felt Kate's arm wrap around my shoulder. She handed me a pink tissue.

"Bella, tell me what happened at the cabin. Tell me everything. Why would he lie about it?"

I hugged her back and tried to calm my breathing. I blotted at my wet face. When she saw I was calmer, she sat back down and waited.

I told her everything, starting with a teenage party nine years ago.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I sat motionless yet agitated at the oval meeting table.

I'd thought when Heidi had called me earlier that it would be a strategy meeting, just with Rosalie. However, when I arrived back at the hotel, my manager John Dowling had called my cell. He'd flown from LA the previous night at the studio's request. It seemed they thought this 'opportunity' needed more focus on it than I'd ever feel comfortable with.

I had been agitated since I'd spoken to John, and I'd become downright pissed off when I saw that Rosalie's douchebag manager, Royce King, was also attending the meeting.

The bland businesslike atmosphere in the room was excruciating and so was the way Heidi shuffled papers and tapped her Mont Blanc pen on the tabletop, before opening her hot pink iPad case and scrolling through her emails.

I couldn't look at Rosalie. Nothing she could say would make me OK with what she'd done. I decided if I was going to lose my cool it would be in front of her only. I wasn't going to allow myself to act unprofessionally in front of Heidi or even my manager.

"OK," said Heidi in her business voice. "You are both aware that you're not permitted to openly confirm or deny you are in a romantic relationship with _anyone_. According to your studio contract, clause… I don't know I had it here somewhere! Anyway, if you're asked, either in a professional capacity or even in a social context, you are to remain tight-lipped. However, the studio has directed me to issue a few quotes to the press. You can't imagine how many interview requests I've fielded in the last forty-eight hours, I mean, seriously, I need another assistant." She took a pointed look at the current assistant, who was pouring glasses of water and plunging the freshly brewed coffee.

"What kind of quotes?" asked John. "I want veto rights on anything that you officially release, and I do know that _is_ in Edward's contract, clause 41, item F," he added in an authoritative voice.

Heidi glared at him with a mean twist at the side of her mouth that broadened into a grin. "Of course, John, I'm not the bad guy. You know as well as I do the studio is not going to sabotage this opportunity and alienate fans, or moviegoers. It all needs to be balanced and that's what I'm paid to do. Here," she said and handed out to everyone the papers she had been shuffling.

My eyes read, but my mind didn't connect the printed words with any coherent thought, because suddenly all I could think about was Bella and her spending time with her 'friend', a friend she neglected to tell me the name of, and I could feel a burning anger boiling inside me. I wasn't angry at Bella, I was angry being in the same room as Royce and Rosalie. _How dare they just sit there like they didn't initiate this whole fiasco?_ The anger that I'd felt since that damn photographer invaded my privacy at Rosalie's invitation ignited.

I knew the douche that was sitting next to her was strong arming her into doing as he wished…but why? _Money…status?_ He was just a fucking glorified pimp, using her in the most despicable and underhanded way. More shocking was that she couldn't see it. She wasn't taking responsibility for her own career, just letting people guide her.

Then it was like a huge weight crashed into my chest. _I'm doing the same. I'm letting people tell me how to live my life, dictating who I should be with, publicly and privately. I don't have to put up with this shit. Who the fuck cares if they think I'm being unprofessional?_

I suddenly switched from being apathetic to downright focussed as I read Heidi's 'plan' of how I should conduct myself.

"Media training?" I scoffed. I was going to lose it; I could feel the heat rising through my body.

John placed a firm hand on my forearm.

"Heidi, I will not give approval to these quotes, or for Edward to attend any '_industry standard'_ training. He's not a seventeen-year-old fresh out of drama school. This is unreasonable and completely insulting. As far as my advice to Edward goes, the only quote that I will approve to be issued on studio letterhead to the press is 'no comment'." He removed his arm. I was instantly calmer.

I trusted John implicitly. Unlike the excuse for a manager that Rosalie was sitting next to, John had a moral and ethical code that I respected.

"Of course, well, that was going to be my suggestion on how to deal with the situation," Heidi smirked.

I knew either action was a double-edged sword. The damage was done. Denying it would look like we were trying to throw the media hounds off. Not giving a comment would be interpreted as confirmation.

I didn't even understand why we were having a meeting. _Oh, that's right, Heidi needs to look as if she is doing her job to continue to suck up to 'Jace,' and Royce would be charging Rosalie by the hour as well_.

"Rosalie should not be confined to the hotel. It was a simple _misunderstanding _that was unfortunately documented. I think we should carry on, business as usual," said Royce.

I glared at him.

The anger returned.

"You fucking asshole!" I yelled, leaping to my feet. All the calm that John had instilled went out the window.

Rosalie looked panicked; Royce smirked at me, infuriating me even more.

"Edward! Sit the fuck down!" screeched Heidi.

I'd had enough. I looked at Rosalie.

"This is what you wanted? To be linked to me romantically? You decided you didn't want to make it using your talent as an actor? Your beauty, skills and family privilege weren't enough? What genius planted the doubt in your head, Rose? Who made you doubt that you could make it on your own? Who told you that you had to drag me into your plans for your career?" I clawed my hand through my hair, trying to calm myself down, but needing to get it off my chest. "Why don't you ask yourself that question?"

"Edward-" Heidi stood up, trying to diffuse the situation, but everyone in the room knew I was right. _Someone has to stand up to that prick._

"You know what," I said to John. "I don't think I need to be here, you're quite capable of ensuring that no quotes about this _supposed_ romance get _leaked_ to the press. I only have one request, and that is I want my own car to and from the set from now on."

"Edward!" said Heidi sternly. "I was going to suggest that I move you to a different hotel, so at least the paparazzi have to cover two locations rather than– "

"I am _not_ moving to another hotel." I cut her off, my anger spiking. "None of this was my doing! I refuse to have my life disrupted because of it!" The thought of them moving me out of the same hotel as Bella made me livid.

"I don't see why it would matter; we'll put you up at–"

"Did you not hear me, Heidi? I _refuse_ to move. This hotel is where I'm staying; I need access to the piano in the VIP bar. Move _Rosalie_ to another hotel."

Heidi looked at Royce and then Rosalie. I could tell this wasn't going to plan; Royce's smirk had disappeared.

"Like I said before, I don't want Rosalie hidden during this. She shouldn't be locked away in _any_ hotel," he said. The only hint that he was far from calm was the twitch of his lip and the hate in his eyes.

I turned and walked to the door. I stopped before I opened it and looked back at my manager. "If you need to reach me, you have my cell. No quotes and I'm not going anywhere, except to the set in my own car at 4:30am."

John nodded with a satisfied grin.

I was done.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I told Kate everything.

I told her of my crush on Riley, sparked by his first and second kisses; Riley's motorcycle accident and our friendship that developed during his recovery in the hospital. I told her about Riley asking me out five months after he returned home and our first date. I explained how I'd desperately thrown myself at him, so sure that if I let him get away, he would never be mine. I told her that I lost my virginity with Riley, the man I had loved since we were both teenagers. I even told her of our subsequent three-month love 'affair'. I termed it an 'affair' because, as far as I was concerned, he was cheating, if not for the whole time Victoria was away, then for the three weeks that he was seeing and sleeping with both of us.

I interspersed the story with the revelation that if I hadn't crushed on Riley Biers, _maybe_ I would have gone to live in Forks with my dad at age sixteen. I would have known Edward before he was famous. Riley would have just been a boy that I would have eventually gotten over.

As I recounted all of this, it was glaringly obvious that I was far from over Riley. Edward had asked me if I still loved him. When I closed my eyes and thought of him, yes, I could recall those feelings of love. Riley had been everything to me, he was my first love, he was everything I'd ever wanted, he was the _only_ thing I'd wanted. The fourteen-year-old girl that still seemed to possess my emotions had decided she wanted him, and even though it took her six years, she got what she wanted.

_He didn't want me, he wanted someone else._

The question was now plain as day. _Why didn't he want me?_ I gave him all of my love, we'd been extremely happy for those three months. Why did he lead me on if he was still in love with Victoria? Why wasn't I enough to hold his interest? Was I just a distraction while he waited for her? Why did everything he said to me in that time we were together feel so real and heartfelt?

_If I couldn't be enough for Riley Biers, I would never, ever be good enough for Edward Cullen._

I put my twentieth tear-soaked pink tissue on the table as I ended the story by describing my last phone discussion with Edward about meeting in the bar. The bar where I'd met him less than a month ago and wrote the lyrics to _Episode_.

Kate now knew everything.

She had sat patiently as I cried and relived all the sad emotions about Riley, and the euphoria of being in the cabin alone with Edward.

It took a while for her to speak; actually, I think she just sat quietly for a while to give me some time to compose myself.

"Bella, if Riley Biers walked through that door right now, what would you say to him?" she asked me.

I stared at her, not comprehending.

"I don't know." I said truthfully.

"OK, let me put it to you this way. Riley walks through the door, he says he's sorry for hurting you, that he made a mistake with Victoria and he wants you back. What would you say to him?"

I felt all the anger and hurt building deep in the pit of my stomach, my face flamed.

"I would tell him that he broke my heart and I would never be able to risk him breaking it again, that I wouldn't survive it. I would yell at him for his bad timing. I've found someone when I thought I'd never fall in love again and how dare he think he can come back into my life after three years, as if he never put me through any of that pain." My heart raced with the anger that needed to be expressed.

"I would tell him to go _fuck_ himself," I blurted.

Kate smiled at me. "That's what you should have said to him when you saw him in the restaurant, Bella. You've been holding on to him when you should have let him go that night. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, right? Imagine how powerful and how healing it would have been for you just to let him have it, in front of her, in front of his friends and family that had no idea he'd been with you?" said Kate.

I tried to imagine the scene. I'd been too devastated to speak a word when I'd seen Riley at the 'welcome home' he'd arranged for his _girlfriend_ Victoria. I knew instantly by the way they were sitting together, the intimacy of their bodies, that Riley had been lying to me. _He didn't love me._

_What if I had just walked over to him and confronted him? No, I would never have done that. I would never have done that in front of his friends and Victoria's family. But why did I choose to protect him, rather than myself?_

"Riley is the past and Edward is your future," said Kate. "You can't give up on love because Riley hurt you. You have to be open without of the fear of being hurt again. I'm going to sound like my mum…_it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all_." She laughed. "Oh shit Bella, I'm totally turning into my mother!"

I smiled and managed a short laugh. Just then Garrett walked in with a tray and placed it on the coffee table.

"It looks to me like you ladies are comfortable here, so I bring you your supper," he said gallantly.

I watched as he unrolled cutlery from two white linen napkins. I inhaled the delectable aroma of Garrett's meal, my mouth watering and my tummy growling. I hadn't realised how long Kate, or rather I, had been talking.

"Honey, it's amazing. I love it when you're home and cook for me," said Kate, and I watched as Garrett leaned down to give her a soft kiss on her mouth.

I suddenly felt intrusive. "Oh god, I've totally busted in on what was supposed to be a romantic night alone for you both, haven't I?" I felt my face go red.

Garrett turned to me. "No Bella, you haven't. I'm preparing some meals to freeze so that Kate is still going to be fed like a queen when the baby comes, but I won't be chained to the oven while she gets more baby time. Please eat up," he smiled and left the room.

"God, I'm the luckiest girl on the planet!" said Kate, with a huge grin. I watched as she placed the linen napkin carefully over her baby bump and balanced the plate on her lap.

I grabbed my phone out of my bag to look at the time. It was seven. I had an hour before I was supposed to meet Edward. There were three missed calls.

"Is everything OK?" Kate asked me.

"Edward tried to call me," I said as I stared at my phone.

"Call him back!" she urged. "You can go down the hall to the bedroom you had when you stayed, it's vacant." She smiled at me.

"Thanks Kate," I walked slowly to the yellow room and closed the door. I sat down on the high soft bed and called Edward.

"Bella, thank god," he said. "Where are you? Are you in the hotel yet?" He sounded upset.

"I'm having dinner with a friend. I'll be back by eight." I said softly. My head was spinning. I felt like a little girl that was being chastised for being home late.

"When you didn't answer your phone, I was worried…" he sighed.

Some part of me wanted to apologise, then I realised I had nothing to apologize for. I had told him I'd be back to meet him at the Purple Bar at eight, and I intended to stick to that. The sick feeling in my stomach rose up. I needed to tell him I saw the photos.

"I…I saw the photos of you and…" I couldn't even bring myself to utter her name. "I'll meet you, in the bar at eight, Edward."

"Bella, they aren't real. I promise you, I'm not with her. I only want you. I need to see you." He sounded desperate. I fought the overwhelming desire to just rush straight to the hotel, to Edward.

_I have to retain some of my independence. I gave it all up when I was with Riley. I can't repeat that mistake._

"I'll be in the bar at eight, like I promised. Please, Edward, this is all so new to me I need time to adjust. I will see you in an hour," I said firmly.

"I'm sorry, I just…I thought you were going to run from me. I love you Bella. I'll see you in the bar."

"_Edward_…I…want to see you too," I said.

"Drive safely. I'll see you soon," he said then hung up.

I walked in a daze back to the sitting room.

"All good?" asked Kate.

"Yes, I'm still meeting him in the bar. I told him I've seen the photos. He said that when I didn't answer his calls, he was worried that I'd run away from him again, like I did when I saw him with her and I assumed…"

"See! I told you. Bella, you deserve to be happy. Riley may have been your first love, but he lost the privilege. Now, quick, eat up because before you head off to meet Edward, I need to give you something."

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

_She's going to break it off with me_. I could feel it. _Can I honestly expect her to want to go through the shit in my life, just to be with me?_

I decided to go up to the bar and wait for her. I'd already showered, eaten a room service delivered burger and drank two beers. I felt anxious and wanting…_wanting Bella_.

I knew I had to give her some space. I remembered Jaspers' words. He made Alice wait three months. The thought of not being with Bella for even a few hours was unendurable. _I can't suffocate her. I need to let her make the decision about whether she can handle being in my crazy life_. The one thing I could do was give her space. _She wants to be with me too. It's destined, she may fight it, but I won't let her cut me out of her life completely. Whatever she wants, I'll fucking wait forever to make her mine._

The relief I felt when I walked into the familiar VIP bar was amazing; our booth, no spotlight, just a small tea-light candle.

James was behind the bar mixing a drink. I scanned the room; _was I looking for the same old dude smoking a cigar on the terrace? Yes, I was._

James smiled and held up a Heineken. I nodded back and sat at the piano.

Everything felt so right. Being in this bar, the bar where we'd met. This piano, the one I had completed the song on, the night Bella had written the perfect lyrics. It all seemed rather surreal in a wonderful romantic way.

My fingers touched the keys and then I was playing _Episode_. I didn't sing aloud, just in my head. I analyzed the words, the way she had put them together, their meaning.

Even now the lyrics resonated with a dark element, a certain danger, yet the message was clear. It was a story of love and desire, and a story of hope.

My cell started vibrating in my pocket.

"Harold?" I answered. My lawyer was a staunch type, efficient, practical and competent.

"Edward, I have the copyright documents ready. Miss Swan's legal representative, Ms Stannis, has cleared it all from Sydney; it's ready for you and Miss Swan to sign. I'll come to Vancouver Friday and meet you on the set. It should take no more than fifteen minutes. I should hear back from Ms Stannis tomorrow, with a time that suits Miss Swan."

I couldn't help but smile. The song; Bella and I will always be connected. Our signatures on a white legal document made me intensely happy. All I could picture was a Certificate of Marriage. Our names together, our lives joined. _Bella is going to be my wife one day. I can't live without her. I won't live without her._

"That's fantastic news, thanks Harold."

"See you on Friday, Edward. Goodbye."

I picked up the Heineken that James had left next to me and took a long pull.

_Everything is going to be fine. Bella and I are meant to be together, and nothing will stop me from loving her every day for the rest of my life._

~0~

**A/N: So…thoughts?**

**I may not be posting for a week or two; I'm going to New York with my real life Edward. If I do have a chance to post, I most certainly will. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. Luv BBxx**


	35. Andante

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

_From the previous chapter – Scale: _

_'…Bella, you deserve to be happy. Riley may have been your first love, but he lost the privilege. Now, quick, eat up because before you head off to meet Edward, I need to give you something."_

**~~Bella~~**

After we'd eaten, Kate rushed me to her bedroom. Most of the floor space was cluttered with boxes and garbage bags. The bed was covered with neatly stacked piles of assorted clothing.

"I've been clearing out my wardrobe. My mum says I'm _nesting_ which I think is a crack-up, but I can't argue with her. I've had this insane desire for the last week to get rid of stuff I don't need anymore. As soon as I remembered I had these, I knew I had to give them to you."

Kate unzipped a royal blue garment bag that was hanging on the back of her bedroom door.

Three beautiful dresses. One was a Collette Dinnigan beaded mini-dress. They were all my size.

"They're all so beautiful…I can't, you should save them for your daughter."

"I'm just know I'm having a boy, and anyway, by the time my daughter – if I ever have one – is allowed to wear dresses like these, they won't be considered vintage, they'll be considered old-fashioned. Please Bella, I know they'll look amazing on you! They'll knock the socks right off Edward's feet!"

"He rarely wears socks," I joked, smiling at her.

She zipped up the garment bag and rolled her eyes at me.

"And these," added Kate as she picked up a shoebox and handed it to me. "You're a seven, right?"

I peeked inside to see beautiful red shoes with at least five-inch heels.

"There's no way! I'll break my neck; I won't even be able to walk in them."

"So, you practice by walking around your hotel room every morning. I've only worn them once, I know I'll never wear them again, so please, take them, wear them, or drop them in a donation bin for me," she smiled, knowing I'd never do that.

"Kate, I don't know what to say."

"Say, 'thank you Kate, you really are a wonderful, _wonderful_ and generous person' and maybe say 'even though you look like a beached whale, I'm sure you'll get your figure back, post-baby'?"

We laughed. "You do _not_ look like a beached-whale!" I hugged her.

I couldn't help but imagine wearing the mini-dress and red shoes to look special for Edward.

_But that won't happen. We're a secret. I'll never get to go out in public with him, or wear something this beautiful in front of him._

I forced myself not to dwell on that in front of Kate. She folded the garment bag and handed it to me.

"Now go," she chastised. "Meet your spunky actor boyfriend and take these for god's sake." Kate walked over to her bedside table and pulled a row of condoms out of the drawer. "I definitely won't need any for a while, and if I ever get my libido back it will be a bloody miracle!"

I blushed as I watched her fold up the row and open the lid of the shoebox.

_Now there's no excuse to stop Edward and I from…_being _together._

"Shit," said Kate as she pulled a piece of white paper out of the drawer. "I forgot about this."

"What is it?" I asked, as the paper fluttered out of her hand and onto the floor. I picked it up, seeing that bending down with her increasingly adorable bump was too much of an effort for her.

I read the name 'Paul Masters' and a number.

_Paul? The contractor?_

"_Paul_." said Kate. "The builder that you told off for not getting the bathroom finished on time, remember him? Tall, tanned, muscular, HOT!" she laughed. "He asked me if you were seeing someone, he wanted your number. He was shy and nervous about it, poor guy. I told him I'd give you _his_ number and you'd call him, if you were interested, but that was three days ago...well, you're with Edward now, so..."

I smiled and shook my head.

_Paul? Why would he want to ask me out? _

I'd been assertive, almost nasty, when I'd berated him for not having the work completed to schedule.

_Why do men confuse me so much?_

"I…wow, Paul?" I said.

"You really have no idea, do you?" Kate asked me and swatted my shoulder playfully.

"Idea about what?" I said self-consciously.

"That you're gorgeous, for one, and any guy should be honoured to take you out, Edward included. Bella, your lack self esteem is almost laughable. It was Riley that made you doubt yourself, wasn't it? You don't know how sweet and attractive you are?"

"I'm not sweet," I said quickly, cringing at the mention of Riley, "and I wasn't sweet to Paul, I was bossy and angry to tell you the truth."

"Yeah, and some guys love bossy women. It must be what floats Paul's boat, because he's _really_ _into_ you. The work that's been completed on the house is second to none, _after_ you spoke to him. I'd say he thinks the sun shines out of your–"

"OK, Kate," I laughed. "I get it," I added, not even believing myself. She wasn't fooled; she just smiled at me as I handed her back Paul's number.

I said goodbye to Garret, thanking him again for the spectacular meal, and Kate walked me out to the car. I lay the garment bag on the back seat.

"Bella," Kate said as she placed the shoebox next to the garment bag, "if you love Edward, then you need to…how can I put this tactfully, _listen_ to him and not jump to conclusions about things. Riley messed up, it wasn't your fault and besides, he's just one guy. Not all guys are like that. I'm not saying Edward's perfect, nobody's perfect, but maybe he'll be perfect for you. I'm always here if you want to talk about anything."

"Thanks Kate. You're right. Thank you, for listening. I'm so glad I can confide in you," I added as I gave her a heartfelt hug goodbye.

As I drove back to the hotel, I thought about what Kate had said. I hadn't told her that I still felt as though Edward was not being entirely truthful with me. It was a nagging nauseating feeling that sat in my stomach when I thought about him and me. I knew I was unlike the girls that Edward had previously dated. Also, Edward quoting dialogue from the novel and the fact that, physically at least, I was kind of a doppelganger for the character of Georgia, made me paranoid.

Yes, I _was _paranoid. I kept dwelling on my belief that someone as handsome and talented as Edward could find anything about me attractive or alluring, apart from my lyric writing.

When I drove into the parking garage of the hotel, my tummy fluttered with anticipation. Meeting Edward in the bar, like we'd done so many times before, would be different now.

_He's my boyfriend! After we've talked, and had a drink, would he walk me to my room? Would he want to stay with me, make love to me?_

_I should let him lead. I can't be the one to throw myself at him. It has to be his choice._

I didn't want to leave the dresses in the car, so, instead of lugging my overnight bag to my room, I only took the garment bag, the shoebox and my toiletries bag instead. _I'll get the rest of my things in the morning_, I thought. I was desperate to freshen up and meet Edward. I was already five minutes late. I knew he'd be waiting for me there; he'd sounded so upset when we'd spoken on the phone.

_He thought I was going to stand him up?_

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I sat and played the piano and thought about Bella. I thought about the smell of her hair, the soft curve of her waist, the taste of her lips. I drank some more beer. The cabin seemed like a million miles and a lifetime ago, yet it was just twenty-four hours since Bella had me in her mouth. _Her tongue her lips, her eyes as I..._

_Fuck! I forgot to buy condoms! _

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Emmett. My heart rate increased with anxiety, anticipation?

The phone rang five times and went to voice mail.

"Emmett, I...you're probably in the shower?" _D__amn, damn, damn_.

I'd feel like the biggest douche if I asked him in a voice message if he could go and buy me some condoms. But I knew he'd kill me if I tried to venture out to a drugstore to buy some myself. I didn't even want to think about what would happen if my fans saw me or if I was photographed buying some, especially while the pictures of me and Rosalie were fresh in the media.

"Never mind," I said reluctantly. "I'll speak to you tomorrow." I ended the call.

I finished my beer, put my phone in my pocket and started playing the piano again. I contemplated what my options were.

_I could call down to Mike the concierge, ask him to send somebody to buy me some? _

_No, he'd know they would be for me to use with Bella._

I felt kind of weird about it. I didn't want anyone to know our business.

_I can't believe I'm not prepared to give her anything she wants. I can't believe my focus diverted in the few hours we were apart. She'll think I don't want her that way. _

_I can't believe how much I'm fucking this up!_

When the door of the VIP bar opened, my heart soared with anticipation. I stopped playing and my exultant mood plummeted instantly when I saw who was actually walking into the bar.

It was Rosalie, her arms linked with another actress that I'd never formally met, and Royce King.

It took all my strength not to pound my fists on the pristine piano keys. I was furious with myself.

_If I'd just kept my mouth shut about the bar when Heidi had threatened to send me to a different hotel, they wouldn't be here!_

I looked down at my clenched fists.

"Edward," said Rosalie sweetly. "Can I introduce you to Zafrina Yolanda?"

I looked up at the women standing next to the piano. They smiled down at me.

_How can Rosalie just stand there as if nothing has happened?_

"Why are you here, Rose?"

"Royce's suggestion," she replied. At least she had the decency to look apologetic.

Her companion smiled again. "Hi Edward, I've been dying to meet you! I'm Zafrina."

Even though I just wanted to get the hell out of there, politeness took over. I stood up from the piano bench and shook Zafrina's hand.

The three of us stood awkwardly for a few seconds before Zafrina continued.

"Come and have a drink with us? I've heard that you'll be working with Liam Berty? What's he like, is he really as crass as everyone says?"

She was completely oblivious to the tension emanating from me. I turned my head and my anger returned tenfold when I saw Royce sitting in Bella's booth. James was opening a bottle of champagne for him.

_Fuck_!

_I can't let Bella come in here, I fucking can't._

"I was just leaving," I said gruffly. I pulled out my phone to check the time. It was 8:13pm. Bella could walk in any minute.

"Edward, can we talk, alone?" asked Rosalie.

Zafrina kept smiling and staring at me.

"Oh," Zafrina giggled, "Oh _right_," she added, gesturing between me and Rosalie. "I'll get a drink."

Rosalie and I both watched as Zafrina joined Royce in _Bella's _booth.

"Edward, I don't want this to affect us on set tomorrow," Rosalie blurted the instant that Zafrina was out of earshot. "I think we need to get over it."

"Get over it?" I copied her tone. "Get. Over. _It_? Right, the whole world thinks we're together and you just want me to _get over it_." My voice was an angry whisper.

"Edward, please, it'll blow over," said Rosalie dismissively. "Now, I need to speak to you about Emm–"

I cut her off.

"Emmett. You want to know what Emmett thinks of you and this whole mess?" I challenged. Her face went pink, her eyes wide. "What do you imagine he thinks of Rosalie Hale now? Does he wonder how you could lie and pretend and use me for your own ends?"

I ignored her crestfallen expression.

She was silent, as my anger took on a life of its own. "Did you even consider how my girlfriend would react to seeing the pictures?" I seethed.

"You don't even have..." Rosalie stopped speaking. Her face took on a horrified expression. "The fangirl that was in your room is your _girlfriend_?"

I was fuming. I'd never been a violent person, but I knew I had to leave, or completely lose snap the last thread of self-control. I pushed passed Rosalie and out the door.

_Is she so completely clueless that she thinks she's not accountable for her actions?_

I looked at my phone. It was 8:16pm. Bella said she'd be here at eight. I needed to calm the fuck down.

I visualized Bella back at the cabin, in the lake, on the bed, hovering over me and topless on the couch, lying on the blanket in my arms.

_Fuck! I need to be alone with her._

The elevator doors opened and there she was, flustered and smiling before she'd even seen me. I could see she was excited. I walked forward, startling her for a split second. Her smile broadened as she reached for me then the smile turned to confusion as I pushed her gently back into the elevator and up against the mirror. I kissed her hard, passionately and desperately. I tried to calm my anger, I tried to be gentle but I was far from it. I was demanding and urgent. Her taste, her smell, the way her body felt so right as I touched her – it would always be this way. I wanted her. It was a lot to absorb, being so affected by another person.

_This is what Jasper felt for Alice. It was too overwhelming for him and that's why he initially rejected her. _

_The intensity of my love and my desire for Bella is just as consuming. My soul mate; Bella was made for me._

I forced myself to pull away from her lips. The elevator doors had closed, but the car hadn't moved.

I released her and turned to slam my hand against the panel, bashing the button for floor eight. _Bella's floor; I have to get her to her room._

"I'm sorry I'm late," she said quickly. "_Please_ don't be…_angry_ with me."

I turned to look at her. Her back was against the mirror; her hands clutched onto the handrail either side of her hips with her shoulders hunched forward self-consciously.

I could feel my body shaking. _She thinks I'm angry with her?_ I shook my head 'no' but I couldn't speak. I knew my behavior was scaring her. I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked downright vicious. I looked _d__angerous_.

I covered my face with my hands. I tried desperately to get it together.

The elevator stopped on the eighth floor. I had one focus, to be alone with her. When the doors opened, I took her hand and led her into the hall. I followed as she automatically started walking quickly to her room.

When we reached her door, I memorized the room number – 810. Bella fumbled in her back pocket for her room card. She was nervous and blushing. When she found the card, she swiped it quickly over the reader.

She flicked on a light as we stepped inside. I pulled her against me. When I saw the look of panic on her face, I finally mustered the ability to speak.

"I'm not angry with you." I whispered.

I kissed her lips softly, in an effort to reassure her and wipe away the fear and confusion I saw. The kiss calmed my frantic mind instantly.

We stood inside her doorway, caressing, kissing and breathing each other in. Bella's fingers laced around my neck and started gliding through my hair tentatively; I immediately felt my body responding to her.

I stopped kissing her and pulled her tighter. I buried my face against her neck.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I had a meeting with Rosalie, our PR and our managers. They want me to move to another hotel. I told them 'no'. I stupidly mentioned that I needed the piano in the bar, so of course Rosalie and her manager showed up there. I had to leave. He sat at _our_ booth. I was so damn angry. I'm sorry."

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I clutched at him, completely relieved that he wasn't angry with me. I'd been so ready to believe that he'd changed his mind - that me being late had made him realize I wasn't worth it.

But I wasn't the cause of his anger. Edward was angry with Rosalie. The image of their embrace flashed back into my consciousness. _It was a set-up, initiated by her_. I could understand why he'd been angry, and having her sit in our booth, I knew that would have been awful to see. If I'd walked in the bar and seen her and Edward at our booth, I knew I would have run. I would have assumed the absolute worst and not stuck around for him to explain.

We stood in the entryway just outside the bathroom door. Edward kept gently kissing my neck, his tight hold on me eventually started to loosen as he composed himself.

I remembered the look of danger that I'd seen. Edward had never scared me but that look was menacing and so out of character that I panicked.

_Was it just her being in the bar that made him so angry, or was it something else? Something he's not telling me?_

Edward pulled me over to the bed. We sat down; his hands kept caressing my neck as he stared at me lovingly.

He'd shaved. The scratchy masculine stubble that I'd felt just this morning was gone, revealing his smooth, pale skin. It was like silk under my fingers. He was so exceptionally unique and beautiful. I was drawn to his touch like a magnet. Before I could comprehend everything I was feeling, Edward was kissing me again, slowly and surely the passion was building.

I knew if Edward wanted to make love to me, I wouldn't stop him. The only reason he hadn't made love to me at the cabin was due to the lack of any type of contraceptive. But I was anxious that he was not in the right frame of mind right now, and the hungry passion of his kiss in the lift had me reeling.

I visualized the row of condoms that Kate gave me located in the shoebox I'd placed on the desk not a meter from the bed.

_I don't need to get them. Edward would have gotten a condom from his suite_. _I'll let him decide, he can take the lead._

Our kisses were soft and delicate. I wasn't immediately conscious that my fingers had started to undo the top button of his shirt. _Does he want this too? _ I was determined to let Edward set the pace, so I forced my fingers to halt when I fingered the second button.

He stopped kissing me. "Bella," he whispered, and cupped my face with both his hands as he looked into my eyes. His expression was pained, and I wanted nothing more in that instant than to change his expression into to a smile.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I…came straight to the hotel. I didn't go to the drugstore." He looked frustrated with himself.

I didn't understand. I knew he'd been back to his room, he'd shaved and from memory his shaving foam was next to the box of condoms I'd seen in his vanity the night we'd returned from Laurent's.

"You didn't just bring one from your room?" I asked.

"I don't have any in my room," he replied.

It was like the atmosphere around me became a vacuum. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe.

_There was a whole box! He said he didn't sleep with Rosalie. If he didn't have any left, who did he use them with?_

I collapsed against his chest.

_NO, NO, NO!_

_He's lying. I know I saw them. I even remembered thinking that he was with Rosalie at the time. He's lying to me! _

_Just like Riley_.

_No, he wouldn't have slept with her! If he didn't use them with her, then did he use them with someone else? Or was he saying he didn't have any as an excuse not to make love to me?_

Every one of those scenarios was devastating.

"Hey, hey," he pacified me. "_Bella_."

He wiped his thumb under my eye to capture my tears.

_This not happening to me again!_

_NO, remember what Kate said. Listen and don't jump to conclusions._

_No! This fairytale will end when Edward leaves Vancouver._

I held onto Edward, breathed him in, savored the way he was holding me and how his fingers caressed my face. My pulse was erratic, my eyes felt heavy. I felt hopeless and drained.

_'He's not perfect,' _Kate's words swirled around in my mind.

_He's NOT Riley._

"I'm sorry Edward." I whispered. "I just thought you would have had...condoms, in your hotel room."

He pulled me closer. "God I'm such an idiot. I did have some. I threw them away before I went on the publicity junket. The box I'd been carrying around from hotel to hotel, expired six months ago and I hadn't even noticed. I would have gotten more, I should have remembered, but I..."

I absorbed his words. "Edward!" I said, my heart pounding. My lips crashed into his. I kissed him desperately.

_He does want me. He threw his box away, because they had expired?_

Relief, pure relief and excitement.

_The condoms in the shoebox. I can make it happen. I can initiate it._

"Bella," he moaned and pulled away.

I stopped kissing him. I didn't move an inch. I closed my eyes and took in a deep calming breath.

I couldn't make that decision. It didn't feel the same as it did when we were alone at the cabin.

_Edward doesn't know I have condoms._

"Bella, I'm sorry I don't have any. I need to know you're OK. You said you saw the photos. Emmett told me how bad they look. I wish you'd never seen them," he said softly. "I'm so, so sorry Bella. I can't even…I knew they'd be bad. I should have realized how bad when my mom..."

_His mum? She's seen them. Does she know about me? _

He didn't finish the sentence and then it suddenly struck me. "You haven't seen them?"

"No, and I don't want to," he said. The anguish in his voice made it falter.

I felt his shoulders tense. _Was this h__is anger returning?_

"Edward," I said breathlessly. "You'll stay here, with me, in my bed tonight?"

"Try and keep me away, I don't want to be without you."

When he kissed me, it was soft. I was waiting for the fire to spark, but Edward kept it sweet and delicate.

When he pulled away and smiled at me, I was a second away from diving at the shoebox. _I want him so badly._

"My lawyer called me earlier." Edward said out of the blue. "He has the copyright forms all ready for us to sign. He's coming to Vancouver on Friday. You probably have an email from your lawyer with a time to meet with him. His name is Harold Greene."

_The song. Friday, Episode would be signed. _

_Friday_.

"My laptop is still in the car…" I trailed off as my hand traced his jaw.

_Three days. In three days, once all 'business' was out of the way, we could be together and he wouldn't be breaking his 'I don't get intimate with people I work with' rule. Will he want me, completely, then? Nothing getting in our way, no excuses, no insecurities, nothing to stop me from finally believing that Edward could really be mine?_

I dropped my hand.

Edward smiled then tried to stifle his yawn.

"What time do you have to leave in the morning?" I asked him.

"I have to be on set at five, I'll have to leave here at four to go shower and get changed and meet the driver downstairs."

He kept caressing my jaw, staring into my eyes. I felt so conflicted. I knew if I took those condoms out of the shoebox, I could easily lure Edward naked into my bed.

But, my mind, yes, my _psycho_ mind, was willing me to squash the idea. He'd literally been seething five minutes ago; the song would be signed on Friday. I wanted, no, I _needed_ to know that Edward wanted me, for me, not for the lyrics, and definitely not as a reaction to an angry confrontation with Rosalie.

"We should go to sleep then," I whispered. The instant he yawned, I caught it too.

"OK," he said and kissed me softly on the cheek.

I slowly extracted myself from his embrace and grabbed my pyjamas from under the pillow to walk into the bathroom. I spent some time brushing my hair and braiding it, and brushing my teeth with my electric toothbrush. I found a spare little brush head in a plastic bubble pack. Smiling to myself, I placed it on the basin.

When I left the bathroom Edward was already under the covers, his jeans and shirt draped over the back of the desk chair and shoes sitting underneath.

He hadn't drawn the drapes over the windows. I thought about closing them, but he distracted me by holding the the quilt up for me so I could slip in next to him.

"There's a spare toothbrush thing for you to use on the basin." I said.

His smile, like his yawn, was contagious.

When Edward slid back under the covers after using the bathroom, he spooned me so tightly; I thought he'd never let me go. I didn't want him to. The drone of the air-conditioner, the faint murmur of the city outside and the occasional bangs and crashes coming from other rooms or other floors was familiar, yet foreign. I switched off the lamp, gripped his arm and pulled it to my chest. The heat of his body against my back soothed me and I relaxed into him and the mattress.

The last thing I remembered was Edward's whispered words into my hair.

"I love you."

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I woke with Bella's arm draped over my waist, our positions reversed from last night. I could feel her breath between my shoulder blades and I savoured it for a minute before slowly reaching out to pick up my phone from the bedside table. The alarm would go off in three minutes. I quickly switched it off so it wouldn't wake her, but when I tried to get out of the bed to leave, I couldn't do it.

_Marcus will kill me if I'm late._

_Do I care? Do I give a flying fuck about my career? _

Nothing else seemed vaguely important to me unless it was concerned Bella.

I reluctantly shuffled forward, away from her warm body and stood up. She didn't wake. I went to the bathroom to take a leak.

_If I flush, will it wake her?_

It didn't.

I stared at her sleeping form as I dragged my clothes on. The curtains were open; the refracted light that filtered through and the illuminated numbers on the climate control panel combined to bathe Bella in a surreal red hue.

Her skin looked flawless._ She's beautiful. _

I looked around her hotel room. It was tiny, just a box with a bed, a writing desk and chair, the standard bench with a bar fridge and a small plasma TV. It was a smaller version of the generic hotel rooms that I seemed to live in constantly.

I didn't want to make love to her the first time in this room, in a bed that hundreds of people have slept in. I would give anything to be back at the cabin, the window open, the cool breeze blowing in, not this stifled boxy room with filtered air.

_Does it matter where I show her my love? Will she care if I make love to her here, or anywhere else?_

Thinking of being intimate with Bella was weakening my focus and I knew I had to go. I crept up to her side of the bed and kissed her hair. I didn't want to wake her, but I didn't want to just leave either.

"Bella," I whispered as I kissed her bare shoulder.

"Edward, don't...go," she implored.

_Is she still asleep?_

"Bella, I have to go."

"No, please Edward, I..." she jerked her body and opened her eyes. There was no doubt that she had been asleep.

"Edward?" she reached up and pulled on my neck, she pulled me down to kiss her.

_God, she's so soft and warm and fragrant._

"I have to leave now; I didn't want to wake you."

Her eyes tried to focus on me and I kissed her one last time before pulling away. She dragged the sheet off her legs and stood up.

"Before you go..." she said.

I watched as Bella walked to the desk, her hands disappeared into her purse and then she returned to stand directly in front of me.

"Here," she handed me her room card. "It's the spare one, so you can...I mean if you want to then I want you to..."

I took it. "Thank you." I couldn't help but smile.

"I'll see you tonight?" she sounded hopeful. I guided her body back to the bed. She got back in and I tucked in the sheets.

"Yes, and I'll call you later. I have a feeling it will be a long shoot today, to catch up on the days we missed."

She smiled. "I'll miss you," she said. Even in the dim light I sensed she was blushing. I couldn't help but brush the back of my hand over the heat on her cheek, just to confirm it.

"I love you, Bella," I said and planted one soft kiss on her lips.

I walked backwards to the door, watching her watching me. I stood outside the weighted door and made sure it clicked closed before walking in a daze to the elevator and up to my room. I had a two-minute shower, got dressed and went down to the waiting car.

I nodded to Emmett when I saw him in the car behind mine. My first priority after the forty-minute drive to the set was to talk to him. I swallowed what little pride I had.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi, I have a really embarrassing request and it kills me to have to ask, but I can't trust anyone else." I plunged right in, scared that if I thought about it, I'd back out.

He looked amused.

"What is it?" he said.

I closed my eyes and I lowered my voice, even though there wasn't anyone within earshot.

"I need to ask you to buy me some..._condoms_."

He laughed. He _fucking_ laughed.

"Is that it? Geez Ed, I thought you were going to ask me to wax your ass-crack or something."

"What -" I blanched.

"OK, you can ask," he said with a cocky grin.

"What? Emmett, God."

I could see he was thoroughly amused and enjoying my discomfort. _Fuck it; I have no shame in admitting that I want to have safe intercourse with my girlfriend.__  
_

"Would you please buy me some condoms," I said simply.

"Haven't you...done the deed with Bella yet?" he asked with a genuine look of disbelief on his face.

"That's none of your business."

"Oh shit! Are you freaking kidding me? How in the fu-"

"For fucks sake will you buy them or not? I'm not discussing this with you."

"Sorry, but God damn Ed, seriously?"

I scrubbed my face in my hands and turned to walk to my trailer. _Fuck I should have just ordered them online instead of having to deal with this shit._

"I'll take care of it!" he bellowed then I heard him laugh.

This is going to be the longest day of my life.

~0~

**A/N: I know! It's been ages, sorry. For all of you that wished me a great holiday in New York, you'll be happy to know, I had a blast. It was coming back to real life that threw me, so huge apologies for my tardiness in updating. **

**I did, however, post my final chapter in the **_**Exclusively**_** triple-shot. It was my Fandoms Fight the Floods contribution. It is linked from my profile. I hope you check it out (man-whore E and Virgin B). **

**Luv BBxx**


	36. Verismo

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I curled up under the covers, clutching the pillow Edward had slept with and sighed contentedly when I heard the door thud closed.

His taste was still on my tongue; the ghost of his touch still tingled on my lips. The warmth of his body still radiated around me, the sheets hugging my body securely.

I must have drifted back to sleep because when I woke, panting and aching, I realized that my erotic dream hadn't satisfied my desire for Edward; it had most definitely re-ignited it.

I rolled on my stomach and slowly slid my hands into my pyjama shorts. I closed my eyes and remembered snippets of the dream and recollected our intimacy at the cabin. I needed to relieve the pulsing ache.

Edward's touch, his lips, his hands, being surrounded by water in the lake, then the best vision of all – Edward's warm arms wrapped around me in the shower, but instead of stopping when I slipped in his embrace, I allowed myself to imagine the feel of him sliding inside of me, fast and slick, his tongue in my mouth, his moans of pleasure in my ears and, and...

I came silently, chanting his name over and over in my head.

The euphoria was short-lived. I lay exhausted, breathing deeply, my body relaxed and tingling but my mind still going over our short conversation the previous night.

_Friday_. _In two days._

The song would be officially registered as owned by us, a legal document that said we had jointly created something; my words, his music, perfectly combined to form an amazing song.

_The start of Edward's career in music?_

I rolled over to lie on my back.

_Once the copyright is finalized, what will happen? We'd hide in this hotel, get to know each other intimately and then..._

I couldn't seem to complete the vision, because each time I tried, the outcome devastated me.

_How would we really be able to make it work?_

I couldn't seriously believe that there would be any long-term relationship with Edward. He travelled the world, making movies. His music career would take off, and that would mean he'd be in the media spotlight more than ever. I knew he wanted to protect me from that life. It may be possible while he and I were 'living' in the hotel, but what would happen when he finished filming?

My stomach clenched and grumbled with hunger.

_I need to have breakfast and I need to get my laptop from the car._

I got out of the bed lethargically, showered and dressed and went down to the lobby restaurant to eat some fruit and cereal with the other hotel guests. I had an espresso, sipping it slowly.

As I descended in the lift to the parking garage, my head was swimming with thoughts of Edward. No matter how much I'd wanted to go back to the Purple bar and just sit and talk to him last night, I wasn't disappointed that we hadn't; Edward in my room was so much better. I knew I couldn't sit next to him in the bar without it being completely obvious that I felt _way_ more than friendship.

_James wouldn't say anything? Would he?_

_No, James is used to serving celebrities. It's his job. But if other guests, like those flirty cougars, came to the bar, surely they'd work it out._

_How obvious would I be in my adoration of him?_

I unlocked the car, grabbed my overnight bag from the trunk and flung it on my shoulder, dragging my laptop bag out as well. Then I saw the parcel Jessica had sent to me from Sydney.

_I totally forgot about that!_

I reached in to pinch the corner and drag it out, noticing Jessica's neatly scripted handwriting in black ball-point, with little smiley faced dots on her 'i's.

_She's such an adorable dag. I miss her._

I locked the car with a click on the top of the key, and lugged my overnight bag, laptop bag and the parcel to my room.

I plugged in my Mac to charge and checked my phone.

_A message from Edward!_

_**I miss you already. I've seen my call sheet. I won't be getting away from here until well after 3am. No need to wait up for me xx**_

I read the message again. That sinking feeling came back.

_No _need_ to wait up? Does that mean he's not going to use my spare card and come to my room tonight?_

_No, he just wants me to get some sleep._

_Maybe it's for the best; two more days until the copyright is finalized. Could I control my desire for him for that long?_

I opened my email.

My mom had sent me a quick email telling me her Skype user name. She said she had no idea how to use it, but Phil could show her and we could video chat. She also emailed me a picture of the boat they were thinking of purchasing.

I wished I could tell my mom about Edward. I knew she would instantly love him, and she'd be ecstatic to hear I had a boyfriend. As far as she was concerned, I was an introverted virgin, with no desire to date. She still had no clue about my torrid relationship with Riley. I hated that I hadn't confided in her, but at the time, I was too devastated and embarrassed that I'd believed he loved me, and it turned out to be the most mortifying deception, especially after she warned me not to wile away in _teenage crush fantasy land_. _'It will only lead to heartache,' _she predicted.

I knew she wanted me to find someone, but she always said not to settle for second best.

I checked the other unread emails in my inbox. Sure enough, there was an email from Irina, telling me that Edward's lawyer, Harold Greene, had arranged everything and she'd been over the forms and given her sign-off on the document. She said Greene could meet me at the hotel any time after midday on Friday. The email listed his cell number and she'd attached a copy of the copyright forms and highlighted everything I needed to know. She ended her email with:

_Congratulations Bella! You will be officially credited as the co-writer of the song 'Episode'- words and music (c) 2010 Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan._

_I wish I could hear the music, because your words have me so intrigued...a love song written with Edward Cullen, even I'm swooning at the thought. I haven't told anyone, so your secret is safe with me._

_Love Irina xx_

I closed my eyes tight, and pushed my knuckles firmly against my eyelids in frustration. A pattern of swirling dots appeared in the blackness from the pressure.

_Secret_.

A secret for now, but I'd have to tell people eventually; Jessica, my mom and Phil and my dad and Elaine.

_Would someone find out and leak it to the press? Should I tell Eric first, so he can get the big scoop he wanted?_

_Surely no one would find out until the song was announced to be on the soundtrack?_

I thought back to Emmett's words at the cabin and his suggestion I could visit the set location with him and watch Edward filming. I knew it was his polite way of suggesting I sign a non-disclosure agreement. Edward himself said he wasn't supposed to confirm or deny he was in a relationship; it was part of his contract.

_Did that mean__ I couldn't tell anyone that we'd written a song together?_

_Maybe I can go with Emmett to the filming location on Friday, meet with Harold and Edward, and sign the NDA at the same time? Then Edward would know that I would never tell anyone about us._

The last thing I wanted to do was put him in an awkward position in his professional life.

I was getting myself worked up again.

_I shouldn't mention anything to anyone until I've spoken to Edward and his lawyer._

This whole thing was so far out of my comfort zone; my heart was palpitating just thinking about it.

I slowly walked over to the kettle and made a cup of tea, trying to soothe myself as I watched the bag steep in the mug of boiled water. The swirling steam was a slight comfort.

_Now, let's see what's inside the parcel. Jessica's words will cheer me up._

I placed my mug on the bedside table, ripped open the parcel and tipped the contents on the unmade bed.

_Letters? Oh, that's right, she said someone had sent me snail-mail._

When I saw the handwriting on one of the letters, my heart began hammering again.

The letters were from Riley.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I read the call sheet from top to bottom, scanning the scenes we were shooting today. Just like I'd expected, Marc wanted to shoot mostly scenes with me and Rosalie. There were only a few that were with secondary characters.

_Fuck my life._

It didn't matter whether Emmett came through with my request for condoms or not.

_I won't get back to the hotel until at least 3:30am, and I have to be back here at 6am._

An hour and a half with Bella after twenty plus hours at work was not what I had in mind for our first time.

I sat listlessly through an hour of makeup and another twenty minutes in wardrobe, firming up my resolve to act as if I didn't have any ill feelings towards my co-star.

_Just stick to the script, be courteous, be professional._

I kind of succeeded for the first few scenes. I kept to myself in between takes and Rosalie steered clear of me as well. But by mid morning, the thought of not getting back to Bella, especially when she had given me her spare room card, was making me more and more morose.

I sent Bella a message in between bites of a mediocre catered breakfast.

_**I miss you already. I've seen my call sheet. I won't be getting away from here until well after 3am. No need to wait up for me xx**_

I knew I needed to call her, and I hoped I would get a longer break later in the afternoon. I wanted to reassure that I would definitely be in her room tonight, but it would be a short rest before I needed to get back to work.

_She'll understand._

I checked my voice messages quickly. There was one from Angela.

_"Hey Edward, it's me. I'm not saying a word about you know what, but I hope that you explained everything to you know who?" _

I couldn't help but smile at Angela's exasperated tone.

_"That's not why I'm calling though. You know it's Ben's birthday next Thursday but he'll be in LA. I've organized a surprise dinner for him this Friday. He's got another gig at Richards that night, so we'll do dinner and then we'll all go to see the band. Please tell me you can get away and be at the restaurant before he gets there for the big surprise? You'd need to be there by seven. You being there is the only birthday present he'd ever want. Please be there Edward? For me? If you can't make it to the dinner, you have to be there for the gig at ten. I'm pretty sure he's going to want you to get up on stage with him. Oh, and I'm going to invite Bella. I don't think that will be a problem, will it? Alice told me she can't come at such short notice, so, um, anyway. Call me when you get five minutes. I'll email you the restaurant details. Bye."_

I knew Angela, and she always made a big deal out of Ben's birthday. A surprise dinner would mean a private room in a local restaurant with at least thirty guests. Ben would be so hyped when all his friends continued to the gig to cheer him on.

He always asked me to get up on stage with him and his band and I always politely declined. I felt weird about it, knowing that me being there would cause pandemonium, but then I remembered the buzz and excitement of playing at Laurent's. I resolved not to pass up the opportunity this time. Bella would be in the audience. The song would be copyrighted. Ben has the sheet music. Even if I surprised him last minute and said I'd perform, I knew he'd be itching to play _Episode_ it with me.

_He probably already knows how to accompany it perfectly._

I could sing _Episode_ to Bella.

My mind was made up. _I'll sing Episode to Bella. I won't drink alcohol this time. I'll be buzzed and focused after performing._

_On Friday night when Bella and I go back to the hotel, I'll make love to her; I'll worship her body all night. I'll have protection – abundant protection – on hand and she'll have no doubt, I'll leave no room for any doubt in her mind. She's mine and I'm hers and as soon as I finish filming, everyone on the fucking planet will know that she is my girlfriend._

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I held one of the letters, my vision blurring as I stared at Riley's exceptionally cursive, perfect script; my name and my apartment address.

_No return address._

I knew if Jessica was aware the letters had been from Riley she wouldn't have sent them to me, or she would have told me or rather, _warned_ me and asked if I wanted to see them.

There were six letters in all. I looked at the postage dates; one sent each day, for six consecutive business days, over three weeks ago!

_Around the same time I met Edward?_

Tears fell, yet I felt numb.

If I'd received these letters three weeks ago, before I ever heard the haunting melody from the unknown pianist in the Purple bar, I would have already ripped the envelopes open, curiosity burning me from the inside out to know what Riley could possibly want to say to me after the hurt; after three years of heartache.

_Why six letters? Why not say what you had to in one letter?_

A blast of anger exploded through me. I frisbee'd the letter I was holding across the room.

_Why now?_

_Why now that I'm trying to forget you, trying to get over you? Trying to be with Edward, trying to give myself completely to him?_

Part of me wanted to gather the letters up, open them one by one, read Riley's words to me. _Would they contain any explanation?_ _Would reading them give me any closure?_

Another part of me just wanted to burn them.

_He thought I was still in Sydney? He'd split up with Victoria after her father died, he just wants to get me back into bed, until he finds someone else, someone better…_

Thank God Kate's voice came back to me.

Riley _was_ my past, Edward IS my future. What good would it do reverting back to the memories and longing I held for Riley when nothing could be changed?

_But he might want me back for real. It could have been a horrible mistake. What if he does love me, he's sorry. I can go back to my life in Sydney and into Riley's embrace. Edward's world is not for me._

_SHUT UP, SHUT UP! SHUT UP!_

I silently screamed and tugged my own hair.

My inner fourteen year old couldn't accept that Riley hadn't loved her. She was the delusional voice in my head, filling it with even more insecurity and doubt.

I angrily gathered the letters, gripping them so tightly that they crumpled. I leaned down and pulled open the bottom drawer of the bedside table. It was empty except for the standard issue Bible bound in navy vinyl, and that is where I dropped the letters.

Unread letters from the boy–the man–I had loved.

_Love? More like a delusional fantasy._

Riley fractured my heart at age fourteen, after kissing me at that party, awakening my body and mind to the promise of what love could be and then ignoring me for the rest of my school days. Then, when I heard he was in the hospital and that he may die from the injuries he sustained in the motorcycle accident, my heart had split again. And finally, when I thought that the man of my dreams was recovered, healthy and alive, and he told me daily and showed me with his body that he loved me above anything else…

When I saw Riley with Victoria, I knew my entire relationship with him was a self-constructed fantasy. My perception of my life and everything I believed exploded with one soft gesture, with one heartfelt smile, directed at the girl he did love. He would never be mine. He didn't want me.

I was irreparable.

_No! That isn't true, just feeling the emotion of the love I feel for Edward – it must mean that Riley didn't permanently damage me?_

_Of course, Edward will leave me eventually. It didn't matter that no one would ever know about us. It would make it easier for Edward. No one needs to know about me._

I picked up my mug of tea and sipped it. I couldn't let Riley's letters _– _his words from the past, ruin everything again.

_Edward is in my life. _

I had no clue how long it would last, how long he would want to be with me...until the song is copyrighted, or signed to be on the soundtrack, until he finishes filming and goes to his next job?

Did anyone ever know how long a relationship could be sustained when it first ignites? I thought I was meant to be with Riley, and it was seven years of wishing for it and only three months of it being true. Nothing could ever change that. Reading the letters would not change anything that happened between us.

I knew I couldn't read the letters and I knew I needed to send a clear and final message to the man I had once loved.

I had to send them back, unopened.

I stood and walked to the desk, opened Safari and I googled Marshall's – Victoria's father's business. I had no idea if Riley still worked there, but I assumed he didn't still live at his family home.

I clicked on the 'About Us' tab and read the history of the company.

Mick Marshall, Victoria's father, had inherited the family business that started in the 1960's as a three-person company, and had now grown to be one of Australia's largest Civil Engineering firms. There was a paragraph about Mick Marshall's death asking for no flowers to be sent to the funeral. It requested instead that monetary donations to be forwarded to the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital Cancer Institute in honour of the support they gave him and his family during his treatment.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. _Victoria's father died of cancer, like Grandma Swan?_

_Victoria lost her father to cancer and then Riley dumped her? How could he be that callous? _

_That's so unlike him. Riley wasn't that like that! He loved her; I know he did._

I clicked on 'Our People' tab and the image that appeared on the screen sent all the air in my lungs out of my body.

_Riley_.

He looked so much older than I remembered and I realized my memories had him either frozen at fourteen or at age twenty. He was twenty-four now and, according to the website, he had succeeded Mick Marshall to become the Director of the company.

The portrait was exceptional. He was dressed in a business suit, white shirt and black tie. His hands were casually thrust in his pants pockets. He looked corporate and stoic. He wasn't smiling, his eyes were not gleaming and happy, they were dark and intense.

Gone was the boy I'd fallen in love with, gone was the artist with the constant smile and the carefree demeanour.

_He used to be creative and outgoing. He hated the thought of working anywhere remotely office-like!_

I looked at the company address; the 54th floor of a fashionable new building on Macquarie Street, right in the central business district of Sydney. That was so not what Riley had ever wanted.

_But how did I know what he really wanted? I never really knew him; it was all in my head._

I copied down the postal address and noticed my hands were shaking when I clicked the website closed and threw the address in the bottom drawer with the letters. 

It all seemed so surreal. Nothing added up.

I was distracted when I heard my phone ring. I dived at it, thinking it was Edward.

_Angela_?

"Hi Angela!" I said, almost too cheerily, hoping I could hide the fact that tears were still running down my cheeks.

"Bella! How was the cabin? Did you do much writing?"

I wiped at my face and suddenly felt nauseous.

_Edward didn't tell her he found me there? He said he'd tricked her into telling him the location, but she doesn't know?_

_Of course she doesn't know, he said Emmett was the only one that did._

"Um, yes, and no. I swam and walked and read and relaxed. It was beautiful."

"It sounds lovely Bella. Hey, I know you're probably busy, so I won't keep you. I just wanted to make sure you keep Friday night free. I've had to move Ben's surprise birthday party forward, because he's going to LA to do some recording, and he's playing a gig again at Richard's so we're meeting at a restaurant beforehand and then going to his gig. He has no clue! I can't wait to see his face when he sees all of his friends there!"

_Friday. Of course Edward would be there. Would he want me there too?_

"Sounds great, Angela. Just tell me the time and place."

Angela gave me directions and I wrote them down. She quickly made her excuses, saying she had more people to call and that she couldn't wait to see me.

I sat and finished my tea after she hung up. I thought about Edward, I thought about Riley. My head felt like a brick.

Determined, I grabbed the letters and the address. I made sure I had my purse and sunnies in my bag and I left the hotel.

_I have to post these unopened letters back to Australia._

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I never got the opportunity to call Bella until midnight, and when I tried, it rang out. _She's probably already asleep_.

When I returned to my trailer in between takes, I noticed a plain white paper bag on the table.

There were three boxes.

Durex SensiThin and Pleasuremax and a box of Trojan Magnum's.

_Emmett, the comedian._

I closed my eyes as I thought of rolling one on just before I...

_Fuck_!

The thought of actually using these, _with Bella,_ sent me into a hyperventilating panic attack.

By the time the chauffeured car pulled in to the hotel, it was 3:15am. I practically ran to the elevator, frustrated with how slowly it ascended to the 34th floor. Once I was in my room, I packed my clothes and my phone charger for the next day.

I tried to be as silent as possible as I opened her hotel room door and stepped inside. The light seemed to fluctuate, and when I let the door click softly closed, I realized Bella had lit candles; one in the bathroom and one by the bed.

The draft from the door made the candle flicker elongated shadows over the bed, where her graceful body lay sleeping.

Bella had closed the thick drapes. She'd kicked the sheets down to her feet and there lay her pale and shapely legs. She was wearing tiny sleep shorts and a simple white tank top.

I stood gaping and aroused. I placed my bag down at the bathroom door and walked slowly towards her.

I bent down and kissed her cheek.

"Edward?" she murmured then opened her eyes. "Hmmm, I was dreaming of you. _K__iss_ me," she added, her voice low and demanding.

I kissed her chastely on the lips, agonized at how much desire swelled through my body.

"Bella," I whispered as I held my lips against hers. "I'm going to have a shower, OK?"

"OK," she said and snuggled into her pillow.

I pulled the sheets up over her legs and walked briskly into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me.

I knew what I had to do. I knew if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to control myself, and everything that I had planned for Friday night would dissolve in flash.

It didn't take long to stroke myself to orgasm; I just had to imagine being in bed with Bella with her sleep-affected and arousing voice moaning my name.

It was several minutes before my heart rate slowed and I quickly dried off and got into my pajama pants and a white T-shirt.

I brushed my teeth, plugged my phone into charge then blew out the vanilla scented candle.

I was in the bed and spooning her to a peaceful sleep in minutes.

When I heard the faint trill of my phone alarm from the bathroom, I couldn't stop my body from jerking awake.

Bella's warmth surrounded me. She lay with her leg over my thigh and curled into my side. I felt her warm hand reach to touch my jaw in the darkness then she was hovering over me, slowly kissing me and pushing her breasts into my chest.

Slowly our hands started exploring; all the while the phone in the bathroom seemed to get louder as the minutes passed. My hand slipped under her tank, feeling her hardened nipples, her soft skin, her warmth and the wet heat of her mouth on mine. I was in heaven, a dark heaven that held me enthralled.

Bella's hand brushed over my stomach. I wanted her to touch me. I wanted her naked and I wanted to make love to her, but my cell alarm blaring from the bathroom and the fact that I knew I had to leave meant I couldn't do it. I couldn't make love to her and then leave her.

I rolled her on her back and got off the bed, tripping over my feet as I stumbled into the bathroom and slid the alarm off.

_I need some self-control._

The light suddenly illuminated and Bella stood in the doorway, sleepy-eyed, her hair a sexy mess.

I watched her as she walked towards me biting her lip until I had her in my arms.

"I'm sorry," she said into my chest. "I hope you're not going to be late because of me?"

I smoothed her hair then moved away slightly so I could lean down to kiss her.

My soft kiss immediately became demanding and desperate; we both moaned as our passion built. I knew we couldn't go on like this. I wanted her, desperately. I had protection. There shouldn't have been any excuse, yet I found one tumbling from my mouth in between kisses.

"I know I promised you. I want you. I think we should wait, until we have more time to really _be _together. I don't want to rush it, Bella. I want it to be slow and I want to know that I don't have to go to work afterwards. Tell me you understand; tell me you want the same thing."

My hand slipped up her tank to cup her breast. I didn't give her a chance to answer me, I just kept kissing her. I knew I needed to go, but I couldn't seem to stop.

My phone started ringing. Bella broke away from me. I looked at the display.

_Emmett_.

I answered curtly.

"I'll be down in three minutes."

"OK." Emmett responded.

My hands brushed against Bella's cheek. "You should go back to sleep. I'll see you tonight."

"Angela invited me to Ben's dinner tomorrow night. Will you be able to go?" she asked me.

I grabbed the clothes from my bag and started getting dressed as Bella stood, blushing and trying to divert her eyes.

"I'm not sure if I can get to the dinner," I said, "but Angela will kill me if I'm not at Ben's gig, so, I'll try to get to both."

I pulled off my pants and pulled my boxers then jeans on, trying to will my throbbing dick to calm.

"So, we'll be, um, you know..." she said softly.

I continued to get dressed then I looked to her face. She seemed shy and uncomfortable.

"What is it?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"Nothing. I just...I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

_Tomorrow can't come fast enough._

~0~

**A/N: I don't want to say anything, to be honest I'm kind of scared to… I know the usual peeps (that I love dearly) will let me know what they think. Those silent readers will probably stay silent, and that's OK too. So, do you think Edward's plan will come off? (No pun intended). Thanks for reading… Luv BBxx**


	37. Tablature

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I hopped back into bed when Edward left. I tried to go back to sleep, but I was too wide wake.

I lay on my side and thought back to the previous day.

I remembered the hesitation I felt as I approached the letterbox.

The small parcel felt heavy, solid; a burden. I was determined and focused when I wrote Riley's business address on the front and paid for the postage. But I hesitated, staring at the vibrant red opening; I knew once the parcel slipped from my fingers I wouldn't be able to get it back.

I also realized that letting it fall was the one action I could take to extinguish Riley from my consciousness once and for all.

_Why are my hands shaking?_

_Goodbye Riley. I did love you, with everything I had. I wish I'd been enough for you. I hope you can find happiness._

I closed my eyes and let go.

After that I walked around aimlessly in a daze. I browsed in a couple of stores until I happened on some lovely candles. The comforting scent of vanilla reminded me of cooking with Grandma Swan. I bought two, knowing they'd be a warm addition to my bland and sterile hotel room.

As I made my way back to the hotel I found myself walking past the small patisserie that sold the delectable Australian desserts. My smile faded when I remembered that the lamingtons I'd bought to share with Edward the last time I was here, had never made it to my lips.

I tried to expel the feelings of heartbreak and anguish as I remembered Rosalie barging into Edward's hotel suite.

_It was all a huge misunderstanding._

Before I knew it, I was inside the patisserie, buying ANZAC biscuits.

"Bella!"

I looked up to see Garrett. He was in a white chef's hat and a navy apron covered in flour.

"Garrett? It's you that makes the lamingtons and pavlovas?" I asked excitedly. "I didn't know it was you!"

I watched as he transferred the tray he was holding to the display rack and came out from behind the counter. He looked serious.

"Can we talk, Bella?" he asked anxiously. I nodded and he led me outside to where some café tables stood along the footpath.

"Don't tell Kate you saw me," he pleaded.

"Why not?"

"She doesn't know I work here, she thinks I'm doing double shifts at the hotel restaurant."

He took off the tall white hat and rubbed his temple as if trying to alleviate the pain of a headache.

"I don't understand," I said, suddenly worried that he looked so upset.

"I'm working here to earn more money and I don't want Kate to know. We have some financial problems and well, you know how Kate is. She has enough to worry about with her pregnancy, let alone thinking about money. I don't want to put her health at risk."

"Financial problems?"

Garrett guided me to sit down at one of the tables.

"The B&B hasn't been at full occupancy in months. I thought I was doing the right thing, but in hindsight it was pretty stupid not keeping up with advertising on travel websites and in magazines. They were so expensive, so I cancelled them, and now, we get the occasional guest or two, but not enough to cover the expenses." He sighed and rubbed his temple again.

"This was supposed to be my opportunity to make a profit while the owners were away. Instead I think I'm slowly driving their business and livelihood into the ground. This job," he nodded towards the patisserie, "and working at the hotel was supposed to get me on top of things, but I didn't take into consideration the cost of buying the things we need for the baby."

"So, you haven't told Kate about the cancelled advertising and she thinks you're just working long hours at the hotel?"

He nodded.

"Do you think keeping it a secret from her will help?"

"No, she'll kill me when she finds out. Well, you know what I mean, she'll try and take on more, and she's exhausted as it is. I was going to tell her, but since she's been experiencing those fake contractions, I'm not prepared to risk it. Her health and peace of mind are all I care about."

"How can I help?" I asked. Kate had been such an amazing friend to me in the short time I'd known her, and so had Garrett. I wanted to help any way that I could.

"Bella," he shook his head at me, "just being a friend to Kate is all I can ask of you. She's so homesick and really wants her mom here, but her parents can't come any earlier."

"There must be something I can do?" then an unbidden thought entered my mind. "Those beautiful designer dresses that Kate gave me, I can sell them on eBay. The Collette Dinnigan would surely sell for a thousand dollars."

"Bella, no, don't do that, please. Kate wanted you to have the dresses." Garrett scrubbed at his face with his hands. "Please, don't tell her; just be her friend. I hate keeping this from her, but I..." he trailed off. He suddenly looked so tired and worn out.

"I won't tell her, and of course I'll be there for her," I reassured him. "I'll visit her this afternoon and I'll make sure she gets some time to put her feet up."

"Thanks Bella," Garrett smiled. "I can't tell you how much that means to me." He sighed, stood up and put the chef's hat back on. "I'd better finish up here; I have a lunch shift at the hotel. If you give me five minutes I can give you a ride back there."

"That's OK. I have some other things to do, then I'm going to enjoy eating my ANZAC biscuits," I said, waving the paper bag aloft.

He laughed. "I suppose you think it's funny, a Canadian making Australian cakes and biscuits?"

I held the bag to my chest lovingly. "It's a small taste of home. I think it's awesome. Thank you."

He smiled widely at me, gave me a hug and went back inside.

I visited Kate after that. She was so excited to see me and took me on a tour of the cottage house to show me how much work Paul had completed, and gushed how now, because of me, they were ahead of schedule and the work was brilliant. The kitchen was immaculate. The main bathroom needed to be tiled, but everything else looked pretty fantastic.

We talked about me going to Ben's surprise party on Friday night. Kate excitedly convinced me to wear the white dress and the red shoes.

"Bella, you'll look sensational. I have the perfect clutch to go with it," she dragged me into her bedroom and handed me a small silver and white clutch purse. "You can borrow it. God, I'd love to see the look on Edward's face when he sees you in that dress!"

Her excitement was infectious.

I told Kate I was going to meet with Edward's lawyer on Friday to sign the copyright paperwork. The song would be official. I told her I thought—considering Edward's rule about not dating people he worked with—that my signature and the song being copyrighted meant we'd be able to take our relationship further.

I felt so relieved to be able to confide in someone, and it made me feel light and happy knowing that Edward wanted to be with me. Now, with the song almost a done deal, and with my determination to let Riley go once and for all, I thought I could let myself embrace everything. I would not to let my past taint what was happening in my life.

The more I talked to Kate, the more I understood Garrett's reasoning behind keeping their money issues a secret; Kate was carefree and oblivious. Yet, the slow realization came to me; I was keeping certain information from Edward. I'd never told Edward that Riley had hidden me away, or that our relationship had been three months of clandestine lovemaking that no one, except my best friend Jessica, had known about.

_Am I keeping that information from him to protect him, or am I hiding it to protect me?_

I didn't want Edward to keep me a secret, and yet I knew we couldn't announce it to the world either. _Surely we can find a balance?_

Last night, I had lain awake thinking about everything: signing the copyright paperwork, Kate and Garrett and ways I could help without interfering. I had lit the vanilla scented candles and relaxed into sleep, wishing that Edward would come to my room.

I woke to the sound of Edward's phone alarm; my body was pressed against his warmth. Our gentle caresses and soft kisses fast became urgent and needy.

I knew he had to leave, but, once again, we hadn't talked. And I hadn't asked him what our behavior should be like outside of the hotel. I was determined to ask, and to tell him everything.

After breakfast and a shower my thoughts wandered back to Garrett and what he'd told me yesterday.

I couldn't comprehend the fact that he was so stressed and overwhelmed and yet, when I'd seen him with Kate, all he showed her was love, happiness and devotion. He was harboring all of their problems to keep her healthy and relaxed to ensure her pregnancy was not affected.

_There must be some way I can help them?_

Suddenly I had the most brilliant idea…

Less than two hours later I'd written a two thousand word feature review of the B&B.

_Maybe if I can get this published straight away on a travel website or weekly supplement, the business may pick up for them?_

I'd never written a review before, but when I reread it and changed a few things, it was pretty good. _Surely I can place it somewhere?_

I spent ages on Google looking up travel magazines, Canadian tourism sites, anything and everything to determine where I could place the feature.

But it just wasn't in my area of knowledge.

_Eric_!

I dug my phone out of my bag, found the business card he'd given me and called him.

"Eric Yorkie." he answered flatly.

"Hi Eric, it's Bella."

"Hey, Bella! This is a nice surprise A.S.S.T.B!" he said in greeting.

I laughed. "_What_? Is that nerdy-speak or something?"

"Get up-to-speed _Aussie Step Sister to Be_!" he snorted at his own wit.

"You're a regular comedian, Eric. Have I caught you at a bad time?"

"Nah, wazzup?"

"OK, so, I have these friends that run a Bed and Breakfast here in Vancouver, and it's really awesome. I've written a feature, and well, it would be great if you could give me some advice on how to get it published, they need to get their occupancy up."

"Ah, so this is a business favor, you're not calling because you missed your soon to be big brother?"

"Big brother?" I scoffed. "When's your birthday?"

"Ha ha ah," he laughed manically. "Wouldn't you like to know? Charlie told me yours is September thirteen. _Trust me_, I'm older."

"By how much?" I challenged.

"Ju-ly ten!" He may as well have been sticking his tongue out.

"Eric, I really thought I should go to the _best_ journalist in the c_ountry_ on such important business matters." I said with mock seriousness. I knew appealing to his huge ego might do the trick.

"Of _course_!" he laughed. "Email it to me. Samantha is tight with a few editors who may be interested. I can't promise anything," he said in a more serious tone, "but I'll do my best for my soon-to-be kid sister!"

"You know that our parents aren't actually engaged yet?" I teased.

"Yeah, I know, but my mom has had a crush on The Chief for like... _years_! She'll be demanding a ring sooner or later."

Eric and I chatted for a while and he confirmed that my email had appeared in his inbox before he told me he had to file a story.

I felt inspired. I hoped Eric could help. It was something I could do without revealing Garrett's secret.

After that, I decided I needed to spend some time on my novel. I packed up my laptop and headed up to the pool to write.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

The day was wearing on me. There were so many times I had to bite my tongue, when Rosalie forgot her lines, or couldn't deliver her usual impeccable performance.

It was only a short time after her tenth retake that Marc pulled her aside and called for a fifteen-minute break.

I was about to call Bella when Heidi called my cell. I was a tap away from bumping the call, but I relented at the last second and answered.

"Hello Heidi."

"Edward! Jace is coming to the set later today. He's bringing his niece. He told me he mentioned it to you when you were in LA? Anyway, can you be your normal charming self and give the niece some _special_ attention? Jace is taking us all out to dinner tonight and, before you say anything, it's mandatory. Rosalie and Marcus will also be attending."

I clenched my fist and closed my eyes. I knew there was no use trying to get out of it.

"What time?" I asked.

"Marcus will let Jace know when he can come on set. Dinner will probably be from eight or nine. It shouldn't be a late night. So, I'll see you there." She disconnected without so much as a goodbye.

I immediately called Bella.

"Edward!" I could picture her smiling.

"Hey, how's your day going?"

"It's OK. I'm just writing by the pool. I think the weather will get cold soon so I'm making the most of the sun. What time will you be home—I mean, back?" she added hastily.

_Does she have any idea how good it sounds for her to ask me when I'd get 'home'? _I briefly conjured a vision of her in my condo in LA, waiting for me, naked.

"Urgh," I groaned. "I want to be there now, _right_ now. I have to go to dinner with the executive producer and even though it's not supposed to be a late night, I won't be _home_, until about eleven."

_I'd rather be naked in bed with you, but we can wait another night. Maybe._

"That's OK. I understand," she said softly. "I was thinking that tomorrow I could go with you so we can sign the copyright paperwork together? I mean, if that's OK? Maybe Emmett could drive me? I wouldn't get in the way. It's totally OK though, if that's too inconvenient, I don't want to put anyone out."

The thought of Bella and I signing that piece of paper made my heart pound.

"Yes!" I said enthusiastically. "That's perfect. I'll speak to Emmett about it. Harold, my lawyer, said he'd be here at 10:30am. Emmett can drive you here and take you back to the hotel after."

"OK!" she said. "That would be, wow, I can't believe it happened so quickly. I really thought the whole process would take months."

My cheeks started to hurt from smiling so widely.

"I can't wait until tomorrow." I blurted.

"Ben's party?" she asked. _Yes, Ben's party, but I have something more intimate in mind._

"It sounds like fun." she said. "I...um...wanted to ask you something about that."

"What is it?" _Was this what she was going to ask me this morning?_

"I know...we're a _secret_, so, um, how does that work when we're out of the hotel?"

I thought about being out in public with her and remembered the adrenaline rush I'd felt when she'd taken me to Laurent's. It wouldn't be the same. This would be totally different. Once word got out I was at a restaurant, the paps would put two and two together. They'd find out that Ben was playing at Richard's, and with the voracity of an inferno, my fans and the _leeches_ would show up. Any privacy would be gone at the first click of a shutter.

"We'll have to play it cool, Bella. There'll be paparazzi and fans and I don't even want to have to think about dealing with any of that."

"Oh, OK. So, I'll meet you there then, after seven?"

"I hope so. We can talk about it tonight, OK? I'll see you when I get back _home_."

I couldn't stop smiling, even after she'd disconnected.

Rosalie seemed to pull herself together after Marc had spent some time with her.

It was after lunch that Jace turned up with his seventeen-year-old niece, Bree. She was a complete extrovert, confident, inquisitive and loud. She asked me everything from where I studied acting, to my favorite movie and whether I'd ever been to Sundance.

She was exhausting and _all_ of her attention was on me.

Marcus finally rescued me and asked them to leave the set. I knew the barrage of questions would start back up at dinner tonight and I was trying to think of excuses to get out of it.

Marcus didn't help. "If I have to go, you do. Here's the deal: come along, placate the niece, and I'll let you leave early tomorrow to get to your buddies' dinner."

So, of course I agreed.

I made it through dinner and Bree's constant questions and her attempts to be demure in her flirting with me. Jace spent most of the night discussing 'business' with Marcus and Heidi.

Rosalie sat sipping cocktail after cocktail through a pink straw, rarely joining in on the conversation and scowling every time I looked her way.

Jace pulled me aside before dessert to let me know he would set up some time in a recording studio in LA to work on 'The Song'. He asked me to email him the sheet music as soon as it was copyrighted. He wanted to talk with the musical director and the composer that was working on the original score to get their feedback.

I wanted it to be tomorrow already. I wanted to know it was going to happen and fast-forward to the part of the evening I wanted the most. _Bella_.

Marcus wrapped it all up immediately after dessert, claiming he needed both his 'star' actors well-rested after the long night-shoots he'd inflicted on us.

The usual paps had been hanging around the restaurant. I tried my best to ignore the blinding lights as we left.

The relief I felt when I was in the elevator of the hotel and on my way up to Bella's room was tangible.

She was awake and typing at the desk, a glass of white wine by her Mac.

_Does she miss going to the VIP bar as much as I do?_

"Hi," she smiled and stood to greet me with a single kiss on my mouth.

My desire raged instantly. I didn't let the kiss die.

I kept kissing her, passionately. My goal was to maneuver her to lie on the bed. I had condoms; we'd already touched each other intimately when we were at the cabin. In that instant, I couldn't justify waiting another night to make her mine.

She didn't stop me.

We kissed we touched. I managed to get her top off. She undid the buttons on my shirt. All of this was happening in a blissful blur, as my body demanded I give it what it wanted.

It wanted to feel Bella.

It wanted to own her, posses her, give her pleasure and receive pleasure.

I kicked off my shoes and stumbled out of my jeans to focus on slowly unzipping and pulling hers down her long shapely legs.

Her chest was rising and falling with each breath. Her body broke out into goose bumps when my hands wrapped around her bare waist.

I had Bella on the bed in just her white lace underwear and I couldn't seem to stop my lips from kissing across her stomach, descending over her panties to her thigh. I was in ecstasy. Her smooth skin was addictive. I kissed all the way down one leg and slowly travelled back up to the inner thigh of the other.

"I love you," I whispered, my lips still connected with her skin. I watched, enraptured as another wave of goose bumps rippled across her body. She shuddered and let out a soft moan.

I could smell her. Bella, her unique fragrance of flowers and fruit and..._sex_.

I crawled, to hover over her body.

_Tell me you want me Bella, and I'm yours._

Her eyes were closed; she gripped my forearms.

"I love you," I said again as I kissed her neck.

She was silent.

I thought back to the cabin, how when I'd made her come she'd shouted out her love for me. I wanted that. I needed to hear her say it to me again.

I slowly peeled her panties off, and gently pushed her legs apart.

_Heaven_.

Heaven was on my tongue, under my hands and all around me. Her taste, her smell; was in heaven.

It built slowly this time. She squirmed and writhed. Her moans and whimpers drove me insane.

_I'll make her come and then I'll make love to her._

I pushed two fingers inside and slowly, so slowly, slid and pushed and curled them. I felt her hands in my hair, a soft tug, the twirl of her finger, a moan and an inadvertent thrust of her hips when I hit the spot.

Her spot.

"_Edward! Edward! Edward!_"

Her whole body convulsed and shuddered as I pressed my fingers and swirled my tongue in unison.

I was rewarded with her breathy moan as she rode it out for a few seconds more.

"_Ed-ward_!"

I rested my head on her thigh as I caught my breath. Her hands continued their slow dance through my hair.

I wanted her. My body was screaming to take her, yet my mind kept picturing her at Richard's, in the audience, holding her wine glass as she watched me perform our song. When it ended, she would come backstage and jump into my arms. She would kiss me, in front of Ben and his band mates, in front of Angela, who would be smiling and accepting.

I would bring her back here and tell her over and over how much I loved and needed to be with her.

_Forever_.

She hadn't called out her love to me just now. In fact, she hadn't said she loved me since my phone call to her on the ferry, two days ago.

If we'd gone to the bar, we would be talking. Instead I'd practically mauled her as soon as I walked through the freaking door! The flash of my dream came back…I was feeding off of her like some deranged animal.

I told her we'd talk. We should talk. I sat up and picked up her discarded panties from the end of the bed. I fingered the soft cotton as she stared at me. I slowly slipped each of her feet in and shimmied them up her glorious legs, mesmerized as she lifted her hips off the bed, so I could pull them all the way up.

"Tell me something." I said breathlessly, as I slid up the bed and pulled her to my chest. I did my best to ignore my boxers' tenting ridiculously as she snuggled into my side.

"What?" she whispered.

"If we were in the VIP bar, we'd be talking. Tell me something." My arms wrapped around her like a vice. I couldn't seem to get close enough.

"Um, OK." she said softly. "Remember how I went to Forks after…well, after the misunderstanding in your room?" she said timidly.

I couldn't answer I just nodded.

"My dad introduced me to his girlfriend. _God_ that sounds weird. I guess that's what she is though. Her name is Elaine. She's really lovely, and they're moving in together." She said.

I pictured 'Ladies' man' Chief Swan and it made me smile.

"It's probably only a matter of time before they get married. At least that's what her son thinks. I met him as well. You know him."

"I know him?" I questioned. Of course, Forks is a small town, everybody knows everybody else.

"He said you guys did the yearbook together. His name is Eric Yorkie."

_Eric Yorkie-Dorkie? _I hadn't thought about Eric in years. I remembered him as being uptight, in a desperate to impress kind of way.

Thinking of him reminded me of High School, which felt like a billion years ago. I thought back to Alice and her predicted 'timing' of when I would meet my soul mate...

_Bella should have gone to Forks when she was sixteen. We were always destined to meet._

"Eric's mom and your dad are…?" I didn't need to finish.

"Yes, they're practically engaged," she looked up at me. She was smiling. "I called Eric today. Did you know he's a writer for _The Stranger_? It's a paper in Seattle. He's trying to break into features writing," she sounded impressed.

"I didn't tell him about you" she added, her tone instantly reassuring. "I thought he might write something in the paper if I mentioned the song, and back then, I was sure that…I didn't know…"

She buried her face against my chest.

In that moment, I wished I had chased after her that night. Maybe I could have changed what happened.

_She's here with me now, half naked and I'm lying on her bed! In twenty-four hours I will give her the closest thing I can to a public declaration of my love. I'll sing Episode to her at the club. I'll bring her back here, and I will love her. I'll make it perfect._ _Tomorrow night..._

_~0~_

**~~Bella~~**

We were both lying on top of the bed in our underwear. The under-wire of my bra was digging into my side. But I literally couldn't move, and I didn't want to. Slowly my body came down from the most exquisite high.

_Would it always be like this with Edward?_

I wanted to tell him about my psycho insecurities. I wanted to tell him all the details I skipped when we were at the cabin. But he'd just blown my mind and pulverized every muscle in my body with his expertly arousing hands and tongue. I was limp and still tingling all over as he held me tightly. There was no way in hell I was going to spoil the moment by talking about my ex-boyfriend.

Instead, I told him about Eric, Elaine and my dad. I was glad I could share that with him. I wanted him to know about my family and I wanted to know about his. I silently prayed our relationship would continue when he finished filming in three months—not just our songwriting relationship—but this, being in his arms and sleeping in the same bed.

_Will he introduce me to his family?_ _Do they already know about me? How will our relationship survive when he has to go the Europe to work on another film?_

The relaxed high I was on seemed to peter away as my mind ran through unanswerable scenarios.

"Is it still alright for me to sign the paperwork with you tomorrow?" I said. Trying to distract myself from getting worked up.

"Yes, Emmett will pick you up here at 9:30am and bring you to the location. We'll meet with my lawyer. He has everything for us to sign. _Episode_ will be our song. The executive producer promised to get me some studio recording time in a few weeks."

"Are you excited about recording?"

He pulled me closer to his chest. "You have no idea. It's been a dream of mine. You know, if we hadn't met in the bar that night...I'd still be trying to come up with words, and be failing miserably."

"You mean, if I hadn't had an inebriated psychotic episode when I heard you play for the first time?"

Edward shuffled his body down so he could look into my eyes. He stared at me. "Don't you see? There was a reason that happened. You said yourself that if you'd known it was me playing you would have never come back to the bar. We never would have met. Fate stepped in to correct an imbalance."

"Fate?" I asked him. "It had nothing to do with fate..." I stopped myself.

What was I going to say? Since the night I thought Edward had lied to me and he _was_ with Rosalie, I'd gone from being a relatively normal, functioning person to this neurotic psycho that seemed to lose any coherent and rational thinking ability. I still couldn't fully reconcile that this amazing man—that had just brought me to a blissful climax—could actually want me, for me. My damaged mind was making delusional comparisons while I tried to deal with finally letting go of Riley. I wasn't coping.

Fate? No, not fate. Maybe it was a cruel and annoying beacon to flag the ill health of my mind? I had next to no ability to really get a handle on my conflicting feelings.

I needed to change the subject.

"I'm sorry, I'm not...it's your turn. Tell me something." I asked. "Tell me about your sister?"

I recalled Angela said that Edward and his twin were close, but he'd only ever mentioned her in passing when he'd ignored her calls.

_Were they as close as Angela implied?_

"Alice..." he said her name reluctantly.

"You don't have to talk about her," I could sense he didn't want to, "I'm sor-"

He cut me off.

"No, I do, it's just hard. We're close. Well, we were a lot closer before she met her boyfriend, Jasper."

"You don't get along with him?" I queried.

"We get along brilliantly; he's one of my closest friends. It's not him per se. It's just that once she found him, her focus changed. I'm not the center of her world any more. He surpassed me one hundredfold. I'm happy for her, because Jasper is Alice's soul mate. They were always meant to be. They'll be together forever. My bond with Alice won't change, but we'll never have the same dependence on each other."

I couldn't imagine being bonded with a sibling, because I never had one. But I could sympathize with his feeling of loss when someone chose to focus on another person. In my case, I'd lost that person instantaneously and completely, like a sudden and unexpected death had occurred. I knew it couldn't be the same for Edward and his sister. I didn't even want to try to imagine; my stomach dipped even thinking about it.

"I don't know what that feels like." I said. I registered his reference to them being soul mates. I recalled his words to me in the lake, about us being twin souls.

_I need to read his script_!

Edward glided his hand through my hair. He was staring into my eyes and his attentive look reminded me of the first few nights we met in the bar. I could feel my body responding to his gaze and I could feel my face break out in a blush.

"Yes, you do. I know you feel _it_," he said cryptically. "This," he trailed the back of his fingers over the burning of my cheeks, "it gives you away. I can tell how you feel. Your thoughts may as well be written across your forehead," He said softly. "You _love_ me."

Edward kissed me, but rather than the usual fire and passion burning quickly, it was soft and gentle.

_Yes, I love you. But is love enough?_

When he pulled back from the kiss, he looked instantly hesitant. His eyes drank in my semi-nakedness and he licked his lips.

"Everything will change tomorrow, Bella," he said in a soft whisper. "We'll both get everything we've ever wanted and more. It will be life-changing."

I stared at him, trying to understand. _The song. Episode_? Yes, he'll have a song to start his musical career. _Is that the only thing he wants? Will he still want me tomorrow, once the song is official? _

"We should go to sleep. Tomorrow will be..." he smiled and then closed his eyes as if trying to picture something. His hands squeezed me. "I need to shower," he whispered and then he slowly pulled away and got off the bed to head to the bathroom.

I felt a strange anxiousness wash over me.

_What do I want? I want Edward. I want to continue to write and have my novel published. I want my family and friends to know Edward. Not the Hollywood actor, but my boyfriend. He says he loves me. _

_I should do my very best to get what I want. I deserve to have it all. _

_Don't I?_

~0~

A/N: ***hides***

Hello to those readers that I shamed into making themselves known last chapter, it's wonderful to hear from you. I hope you hang in there and hold Bella's hand (or slap her about) next chapter. _Episode_ will be official! I wonder how they'll celebrate…

Thanks to my beta CandyTwi (who is living it up in the UK)!

Thanks to Alby Mangroves (go and read _The Dark Muse_) for her keen eye and valued suggestions to this chapter. And finally thanks to MizzezPattinson (if she still has a pulse after seeing the Honeymoon footage).

Thanks for reading, Luv BBxx


	38. Vivace

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I woke before my phone alarm.

The drapes were open slightly and the small slither of light peeking through barely illuminated Bella's body. She was lying on her back, her hair twisted and curled over her neck.

_She's beautiful._

I got off the bed and silently dressed, the whole time staring at her and imagining tonight: Ben's dinner, singing to her at the club, declaring my love publicly and _loving_ her...

She stretched in her sleep, her eyes fluttered open. She smiled at me.

_Can she sense my overwhelming desire crackling through the room?_

"Good morning," I whispered and walked slowly to her side of the bed, bent forward and kissed her softly on the mouth.

"Hi," she said in response and wrapped her arms around my neck. We kissed again.

I knew after tonight, after we'd connected in the most intimate of ways, our kisses would be even more expressive. The lust and love would merge into something so profound that we'd both be completely absorbed by it.

I reluctantly pulled back from our embrace.

"I have to go. I'll see you at 10:30," I was grinning like a fool.

The anticipation for everything that was going to happen today was already blazing inside of me. First things first; I had to sign the legal document that would make the song official. Thinking about what was going to happen between Bella and me tonight, in this very room, needed to be held at bay, or I wouldn't be able to get through the day.

I knew this was going to be the best day of my life, but maybe the longest.

"OK," she sighed and reluctantly let go of my neck. I watched as she pulled the sheet up under her chin.

"I love you," I said before picking up my phone, checking I had the room card and backing up to the door to leave.

Her smile warmed my heart.

The morning was a blur of impatience as I willed everything to happen quickly.

Around 10am, I saw Emmett with Bella in the distance watching me and had to fight to stay focused on the scene I was doing.

_She's here. _

I tried not to look at her. I knew any acting I attempted would be shit if I couldn't stay in character. But knowing Bella was standing there watching me was too fucking distracting.

When I got back to my trailer, Harold, my lawyer, Bella and Emmett were all there.

Bella looked spectacular. _Or was it because I was seeing her out of the hotel, in another place that was familiar to me?_

She smiled at me. That silent 'hello' said so much.

Emmett left and then it was Harold, assertive and efficient, leading the meeting. He had the paperwork arranged neatly and marked with a tag.

I signed my name. I slid the paper across to Bella so that she would in turn put her signature to the pages of legal jargon. In the end, all I needed to know was that the song now belonged to _us_.

"OK, that's it," stated Harold. "I just need to lodge it all when I get back to L.A."

I couldn't help but grin like a freaking idiot. I jumped up to pull Bella into my arms. Lifting her clean off her feet, I buried my face in her hair, against her neck.

"Thank you," I said breathlessly.

I felt the heat of her blush and couldn't help but laugh._ She's so fucking alluring. _

"Uh-Hum," Harold cleared his throat. "Edward, I have the Liam Berty contract here to go over. I wanted to talk to you about an amendment to the clause you requested."

I pulled back from Bella.

I knew he was referring to the relationship clause that I wanted eradicated from any future contract I signed.

"Sure, Harold. Can you give me five minutes alone with Bella before we look at it?" I asked.

He coughed again and stacked up the pages before slipping them into his leather brief case.

"I'll just get a coffee. I'll be back in ten minutes."

As soon as the trailer door clicked closed, my arms were around her and I was kissing her passionately.

Her lips, her fragrant perfume. The buzz in my system was elating. I was drunk on happiness. The girl I would love every day of my life had just given me the most precious gift in the world. Her words and my music linked together forever, just like we would be.

"Hmmm, Edward." she moaned when I allowed her to breathe in between kisses.

We stood, both breathing heavily. I was completely high.

"_Episode_ is official," I beamed down at her. "Congratulations, Bella Swan. The words you wrote, and my music...I can't describe how happy I am right now. I can only show you."

I kissed her.

I held her face in my hands, angling her to get the right position to be able to slide my tongue into her mouth. Deep, sensual and full of love; it was the hottest kiss. Lust and love in equal measure, and it fast became even more intimate when I thought about making love to her tonight, and one of my hands slipped down over her gorgeous ass and pulled her hard into me.

I wanted her, right then. I felt her body sink into my touch. She was kissing me back with an equal amount of passion and it was burning me hot.

Then she sighed and I felt her push against my chest.

"We can't...here..." she panted. She looked mortified. "Edward, I..."

_Fuck_.

I took in a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. I know we can't here. I just, I _want_ you." I trailed my fingers over the flushed skin of her throat.

There was a triple knock on the trailer door. Bella looked panicked. She stepped back from me and touched her lips before trying to straighten her clothes that weren't even out of place.

"Come in." I said, when she was as composed as she could be. I kept my back facing the door, knowing that the bulge in my wool pants would be pretty damn obvious.

"All set?" It was Emmett. I looked over my shoulder at him.

"I was going to show Bella around, then take her back to the hotel," he said. "Um, I'll just wait here." He closed the door.

Bella and I stood staring at each other.

_God, I want to tell her I'll be performing with Ben's band tonight._

I wanted her to stay all day and then take her to the restaurant myself. But in the end, I couldn't even speak, because she was looking at me so lovingly, it just about killed me.

"Is that OK with you? If Emmett shows me around?" she asked.

"Of course. We'll see each other at Ben's dinner tonight and then..." I couldn't even finish, as the desire caught in my throat.

She stepped forward. "Right, Ben's dinner," she said softly. "We'll play it cool and then..."

I touched her lips to stop her from speaking. The atmosphere in the room was pulsing with a physical electrical charge. It reminded me of the night Bella sat behind me in the bar. I hadn't known then that she was writing the words that would turn my first serious composition into a song that I'd just signed copyright ownership on, that would be featured on a movie soundtrack that would be released worldwide in a less than twelve months.

_She can deny she believes in fate and destiny all she wants. Maybe it won't matter if she doesn't believe me about Alice's gift when or if I eventually tell her, because tonight when I make love to her, she'll never be able to deny her feelings for me or mine for her. _

I had told Bella when we were at the cabin that I couldn't be with her until she knew the love I felt for her. Now I knew that she wouldn't really acknowledge it until I showed her. I would obliterate any lingering doubts and all her memories of her ex.

Bella would be mine. Mine forever.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I was dazed. I was practically a swooning mess, standing in Edward's trailer. His passion, his total consumption of my body and mind was stupefying.

We had signed what seemed like one hundred pieces of paper.

_Episode_.

Yes, the words I'd written—while I'd been in some type of powerful hypnotic trance listening to Edward's beautiful hands playing that shiny black grand piano—had led me on this roller coaster of emotions for the last four weeks.

_His rule. Is that now obsolete?_

There was a second knock on the door and Edward's lawyer stepped back in.

_Had it really been ten minutes?_

Edward looked uncomfortable. I knew I had to go.

"I'll see you tonight," I said, kissing him quickly on his cheek. His usually piercing green eyes were a honey gold from the contacts he wore for the character he played. I inhaled the spicy scent of his cologne on his skin. The recollection of the knee-buckling kiss shot a wave of bliss through my body.

"Bella," Edward said. I looked into his eyes. He opened his mouth, as if he was going to continue, but instead he just squeezed my hand and let go.

I walked unsteadily down the metal steps of the trailer and stood in front of Emmett. He was grinning cheekily at me. He even had one eyebrow raised slightly.

I laughed at his look and slapped him playfully on the arm.

He knew.

He was the only one that knew about me and Edward.

My stomach dropped. _I didn't remember to ask Edward or Harold whether it was OK to tell my family about the song._

"So, I thought I'd take you round the set. This is all temporary." Emmett gestured to the half house construction in the distance. "When all the night and outdoor scenes have been filmed they'll pack this all away and head to a soundstage. You've never been on a movie set before?" he added.

"No, I went once with a friend to a TV studio audience recording. It's hardly the same as a feature film."

Emmett laughed and held out his arm for me to take.

"Allow me," he said. "You look a little light-headed. Let's go to the catering trailer first and get you a drink. Then you'll need to sign a standard form for indemnity and stuff. Is that OK?"

"Yes, of course." Signed an NDA would reassure Edward that I would keep our relationship a secret.

Emmett showed me around and introduced me as simply as 'Bella,' with no other label, to some of the crew.

After about an hour, I was lucky enough to see Edward in character acting a scene. He looked amazing. His face, the way he held his body, he was a completely different person. I was desperate to hear the dialogue, to see if I could work out what chapter they were filming, but we were too far away. I was surprised at how many people were around. People stood in hushed stillness until the director called 'cut', then it was a buzz of organized chaos as people walked around and moved things ready for the next set up.

Edward hadn't noticed me watching. There were so many people, yet he was so focused on what he was doing. I watched in awe as he finished up the scene and disappeared into his trailer.

"So, you wanna go?" Emmett asked me.

"Yes," I said.

I wished I could have stayed all day but I was starting to get nervous about tonight.

_Should I buy Ben a birthday gift? Is the restaurant BYO?_

"I'll bring the car around to meet you here," said Emmett.

"OK," I said, but he'd already walked off.

I looked beyond the half-house to the thick woodland beyond. I breathed in deeply. There was a chill in the air, the smell of the foliage. I could imagine myself in Forks. Well, apart from the fact the sun was shinning and I couldn't remember seeing sun quite this bright in Forks.

Signing the copyright and the NDA/Indemnity form was an anti-climax. I was happy that I could now picture where Edward went every morning, and it was kind of inspiring to see how many people worked behind the scenes to bring one of his movies to the screen. But, I thought I'd feel...different. I remembered back to a couple of weeks ago when I was sure that Edward wouldn't want to hang around me anymore once it was copyrighted.

A voice out of nowhere snapped me from my thoughts.

"You must be the _girlfriend_."

I turned to see Rosalie Hale standing in front of me.

I just stared at her. She was immaculately stunning. Of course, she was wearing full makeup, and didn't have a hair out of place. Her period clothes were tailored to accentuate and highlight her curves.

She looked me up and down, her lips twisted in distaste. I felt my stomach drop. The look on her face was unmistakable; she thought she was better than me. The way she held herself; I'd never met anyone so supremely confident in all my life. She tilted her head to one side as she regarded me. I felt completely intimidated. I couldn't say anything.

"I have no idea what he's trying to accomplish, but it must be something he really, _really_ wants for him to be so..._convincing_," she said.

I tried to decipher her words.

"It doesn't really matter to me, as long as I get what I want. And I will," she added matter-of-factly.

I could tell my pale skin was giving away how uncomfortable I was. The blush burned up my chest and onto my cheeks.

Rosalie laughed sarcastically. "Don't take it personally. It's just a means to an end. When I get what I want, well..."

I heard the engine behind me and noticed how her expression went from superior to demure in an instant.

"Hi Emmett!" she said sweetly. She smiled at him. The change in her was completely disconcerting.

"Miss Hale," Emmett replied softly, and I couldn't help but look to him as he walked from the drivers' side to stand next to me.

"Please Emmett, how long have we known each other? Call me Rose," she pleaded.

I stood gaping at her, thoroughly incredulous that she could switch from confident and dominating to shy and sweet in a second.

_Which one is the performance, or are they both fake?_

"Rose," Emmett smiled. The look on her face was mesmerizing. Emmett was totally smitten.

"Well, it was nice to actually meet you," she said to me. "Take care," she added, her tone sickeningly genuine.

"Bye Emmett," she smiled and bit her lip before turning and sashaying away, showing off her perfect bum and bouncing hair to best advantage.

I looked at Emmett as he admired her retreating form.

_He just bought that? Of course he did, she was nothing but sweet and lovely while he was here._

Emmett looked at me and did a kind of double-take before gesturing me to the car.

I got in silently.

_What just happened? What was she implying when she said those words to me? Was she saying Edward was using me to get something he really wanted? Did she realize she'd already met me, that night in Edward's room?_

_No, she's just trying to intimidate me. But why would she do that? It doesn't make sense._

"Are you OK?" Emmett asked as we started driving down the barricaded street.

What was I to say? I was OK, really OK, and happy, until that one-sided conversation with Rosalie Hale…

"Yes," I lied.

"What did she say to you?" Emmett persisted.

"She...didn't really say anything that made sense," I told him.

"Just ignore her. She's not living in the same reality as everyone else, unfortunately."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Rosalie has been worshipped her entire life. You know her parents were both actors? She's kind of a Hollywood brat. I feel sorry for her; she just doesn't know how to relate to people. She really pushes all the wrong buttons, especially with Edward, well, you know."

I stayed silent, absorbing it all. Her words... _"As long as I get what I want. And I will." _

_Does she want Edward?_

I pushed the thought from my mind.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

Emmett parked across from the restaurant and switched off the headlights. I was on time, but I wanted to wait until Bella had arrived before going inside so there would be no attention drawn to her.

"I'll just sit in the bar and you can call me when you're ready to head to the club, OK?" said Emmett. "You know there'll be more than the usual amount of leeches tonight, right?"

I closed my eyes, nodded and breathed in and out deeply. It was only a matter of time until someone spotted us, but I tried to push the anxiety away.

"There's Bella," stated Emmett and I opened my eyes to see her get out of a cab.

_Oh God. She's stunning._

She was wearing a short white dress; her shoes were fantastically sexy and made her perfect legs appear even longer. They were divine. I knew; I'd kissed almost every soft inch of them last night.

"She looks hot," Emmett said simply. I didn't have any capacity to be angry at his inappropriate admiration of my girlfriend; she _was_ hot. She stood, looking shy and awkward. I watched as she pulled her phone out of her bag and raised it to her ear.

The whole time my eyes swept over her. Her hair fell in soft, shiny waves, her lips were succulent, her eyes were defined in black shadow. I'd never seen Bella wear more than a little lipstick and now, even though she was in full makeup, it only enhanced and highlighted her beauty. I stared in a trance at her slim waist and legs, and I became aroused and simultaneously anxious when I thought about tonight and how I was going to sing to her, and make love to her. The vibration in my pocket only distracted me when Bella closed her eyes and shifted her weight from foot to foot impatiently.

_She's calling me._

By the time I pulled my phone out, I'd missed her call and my voicemail had picked up. She left a short message, put her phone in her bag then smoothed down the front of her white dress.

_God, she's so unconsciously sexy._

I watched as she turned and disappeared through the restaurant door. Immediately I dialed in to hear her voice.

"_Edward. I'm at the restaurant; I'm going to go in, OK?"_ She paused for a beat. _"I…I miss you,"_ she whispered.

_Oh Jesus. I love you Bella._

"Do you wanna go straight in?" asked Emmett with a cocky smile.

I swallowed. "I'm happy to sit here for a while," I responded.

I was erect and my heart was racing.

I closed my eyes.

_The dress. The white dress._

I recalled the dream I'd had when we'd laid near the meadow together.

_The mountain lion, Bella falling, hurt and scared._ _The paparazzi will become bloodthirsty animals once they know she's mine. They'll break her._

_How can I protect her from that? Fuck! How am I even going to be able to get through tonight? How can I talk to her and not touch her, not kiss her, tell her how fucking fantastic she looks and not make it completely and blatantly obvious that I'm in love and she's mine?_

I knew I wouldn't be able to.

Emmett laughed. "Yeah, like you're going to be able to keep away from her. You're dreaming."

I looked at him.

I didn't need to say a word. He was right. I knew I'd be spending the entire night in a daze of longing for her.

The more I thought about it, the more I knew it was going to be next to impossible to get through to the part of the evening I most wanted.

I wanted to perform _Episode_ for her, _and_ I wanted her, alone, in her room. I was fully prepared to show her exactly what she meant to me and now I wished I could fast-forward time so the torture of being unable to touch her at dinner could be skipped completely.

I had no idea how I would protect her from the paparazzi. My love for Bella just had to be a well-kept secret, for as long as I could sustain it.

_I just won't look at her. I won't, can't look at her. I can't interact with her until we're back at the hotel. We'll play it cool and I'll keep my distance and everything will be fine._

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

When Edward walked into the room, every woman turned and stared. I could feel myself blushing, but I couldn't look away either. He was more than handsome. His hair looked damp around the nape of his neck. He was wearing those black jeans and _the_ shirt, the blue plaid shirt. The remembrance of the cabin and _that_ shirt made my skin feel like it would melt from the heat it was emitting.

I watched as Edward's eyes swept the room instinctively, and when I thought they had found mine and that he would smile, or indicate he'd seen me, there was..._nothing_.

No reaction, no acknowledgement.

I was just another face in a room full of people. I was not special, I was not who he was looking for.

I felt the pit in my stomach open up.

_Of course_, we're not in the hotel alone, we're here in a public space. He didn't want people to know that we'd been intimate, that he'd told me he loved me. Suddenly, all that seemed like a dream, a fantasy my mind had constructed.

This was harsh reality.

_Was I just another girl that thought him attractive and wanted a piece of him?_

I could hardly focus when Angela introduced me to a man called Demetri. I smiled politely as Angela explained he was visiting from London to be the sound engineer that would be going to L.A. with Ben and his band to record their new album.

Demetri didn't know many people in Vancouver either. I roused myself enough to talk about his visit, and what he thought of the city. He poured me a glass of wine and told me in his middle-class British accent how much he missed his girlfriend and even though he was excited to be going to L.A. to work with Ben's band, he couldn't wait to get home.

While he talked, I couldn't keep my eyes from Edward. I saw Edward's face light up when Angela bounded over to him. I watched as he gave her a friendly hug.

The two girls that Angela had introduced to me when I'd arrived started whispering. Their voices carried.

"I wonder if Rosalie is coming."

"Don't be stupid, he's not with her. Angela told me it's just a publicity thing. He's actually single. Come on, let's go and buy him a drink." I watched as they walked casually up to Angela to be introduced.

Edward smiled and shook their hands; he didn't once look over to me.

I craved one look of reassurance, one look that told me he was thinking about me, even if he couldn't come and speak to me, but there was nothing. I could feel myself being swallowed by shocking insecurity.

Another woman arrived and handed him a Heineken. He smiled and thanked her. I felt lightheaded from the intense jealousy I felt.

I wanted to walk up to him. I pictured it in my mind. I would walk up to Edward, confident and assertive, like Rosalie Hale, and wrap my arms around his neck, and I'd kiss him passionately. I reveled in the sensation that vision gave me, because I had done that, just this morning, when we signed the copyright. I had tasted his lips, his tongue, and his skin. I could almost feel his soft hair under my fingertips.

I closed my eyes and came back to a dark reality. Even in my fantasies Edward pulled away from my embrace and looked shocked. He pretended he didn't feel anything for me.

_He doesn't want me._

"Are you OK Bella?" said Demetri, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. "You look a little flustered."

"I'm fine." I said.

"Here," he said and poured me some water. "It looks like you may be having a reaction to the wine, you're quite flushed."

I took the glass. "Thanks," I said.

I stared at Edward, wishing that he would look at me.

He didn't.

I was drowning, and Edward was my oxygen. I could feel the burning heat over my chest and neck. I knew as I sipped the water—the whole time with my eyes on Edward—that only one thing would alleviate my anxiety.

_Just one look, just acknowledge I'm here in the room, please Edward_, _PLEASE_.

I heard Angela telling everyone that Ben was on his way. Edward turned away to face the door.

I wanted to leave. I wanted to run from the room, but that would mean passing Edward, and then Ben as he came through the door. There was nothing I could do but wait.

Then there were calls of 'Surprise' when Ben walked in. He was laughing as people went up to him to shake his hand. I stayed motionless in my seat. I was desolate. The whole time Edward had his back to me, and it was killing me.

I stood up. My legs felt like jelly. Demetri stood with me. "Bella, do you want me to walk you to the ladies' loo?"

I turned to face him. "I'm fine, I'll be back soon."

I walked out, past the group of Ben's well wishers. I went straight to the restroom and into a stall. I tried to calm myself. Edward's silent rejection was devastating to me.

_Did he do it unconsciously? Did I look that different in this dress and makeup that he hadn't even realized it was me?_

I touched my lips, my cheek. I wanted it to be his hand; I wanted to feel his arms around me. I couldn't expect a touch from him in public, but eye contact, a nod of the head, _something_.

I sat with my head in my hands, trying to breathe through my anxiety.

_Edward loves me, he warned me this is what it would be like for us. I have to accept it._

I heard the door open and women's voices.

"Oh MY God, he's just, arhhhhhhh," someone squealed and I heard heels clicking as they jumped up and down on the tiled floor.

"Did you see how he licked his lips, and his hands? Oh fuck, his hands are so...!"

"I know! Shhh," said the other girl. "Um, we should go back and try and sit either side of him."

I heard the water run.

"I'll just fix up my lipstick. Do you think Angela would freak out if I took a photo of him with my phone?"

"Maybe, don't make it obvious." They giggled and fell silent, as I imagined them making themselves attractive, for Edward, for _my_ boyfriend.

I closed my eyes. I wanted to scream that he was _mine_, that he loved _me_. I felt as if I was totally losing it.

There I was again, taken over by the insecure fourteen year old girl that had no right to even think she deserved to be with the beautiful, popular boy.

I heard the women leave.

Struggling to compose myself, I unlocked the stall door and walked to the basin to wash my hands. I was alone and when I looked in the mirror I saw my own pitifully sad expression.

_He's not mine. He will never truly be mine. He belongs to his fans, to the world. He will never be just for me._

No matter how you looked at it, Edward would always be claimed by other people. I had no exclusivity with him.

I forced a smile on my lips but now I simply looked manic and weird. I grabbed a tissue from the pretty clutch Kate had loaned me and blotted the lipstick off. I wished I could remove the eye makeup, but I knew that would be a disaster. Now my lips looked puffy and pale.

_Our relationship is restricted to the hotel; of course he's not going to acknowledge me. He's here to see his friends, not me_. _He warned me, he told me we'd need to play it cool._

_But his version of cool is like an arctic winter._

I walked back to the dining room, avoiding locking eyes with anyone, and sat back down at the table next to Demetri. He smiled and placed his hand on the back of my chair.

"Are you feeling alright?" he asked me.

"Yes, thanks, just a little hungry. I can't wait for the food." I gave him a smile.

"Well, you're in luck, here it comes." I glanced up to see a waitress bring in a plate of canapés and slowly work her way around the room.

My anxiety and last shreds of reason slugged it out in my head.

_Edward's not in character tonight, so why would he want to interact with me, his Georgia avatar?_

_Don't be delusional! He's not faking the way he feels. He's not Riley!_

I'd thought that once I'd sent those unopened letters back to Riley that would be the closure I needed to stop thinking the worst. But my crazy mind was still hanging on to the worst scenario in order to protect my still vulnerable heart.

_Maybe I need psychological help._

_Get a grip, I just need to retain some independence and stop relying on Edward to be the one focus in my life! I have him. I have my writing. I'm living in a different country because a publisher wants my novel. I can do this. I can have it all. I deserve it!_

I couldn't get fixated on Edward. I couldn't predict what our future held. I needed to be able to function without him, be independent—something I had never been with Riley.

_Maybe I can do this. Maybe I have to. I have to accept it, or leave._

"Bella, it's great to see you."

I looked up to see Ben when I recognized his voice. "Happy Birthday, Ben!" I stood to give him a hug then sat back down.

"Thanks, Bella. Hey, Demetri, thanks for coming along."

"It was excellent that Angela invited me," Demetri smiled.

"No problem man," said Ben, smiling back. I could tell he was ecstatic that all his friends were here, but he looked kind of uncomfortable too. I felt like a ring-in and I was sure Demetri felt the same.

"Bella, you're coming to Richard's after? I'm doing a set," said Ben.

"I wouldn't miss it," I smiled and looked at Demetri.

"Yeah, I'll be there, I'm mixing the sound," Dimitri smiled back.

"We'll leave straight from here after dinner. Gig starts at ten." Ben looked at me intently. "So, Bella, do you want to come and sit with Angela? They're about to serve the appetizer."

_He's just being friendly. Edward's sitting with Angela._ I politely declined.

"No, you go ahead; I'll hang with Demetri. Besides, I think those two girls over there want to sit next to Edward," I joked, but inside I was dying.

Ben laughed. "Yeah, of course they do. Um, OK, we'll talk a bit later then," he added before walking away.

I made it through the appetizer.

I kept drinking my wine and water slowly. My head was light, my determination faltered so many times, and each time I glanced compulsively to the other end of the long table, I saw the man that I was painfully and completely in love with was laughing, talking, animated and charming, but not once did he look in my direction.

_We signed the paperwork today. Episode is copyrighted. He doesn't need or want me now he has the song. _

_No, he wouldn't have deceived me that way. He loves me. I must have done something to upset him. It's me, not him. I did something wrong._

Rosalie's voice came back to me. _"I have no idea what he's trying to accomplish, but it must be something he really, really wants for him to be so...convincing."_

_He wanted the song. Convincing, yes. _

_It's not an act. _

_Then why won't he even look at me?_

As the laughter in the room surged it became a little loud for conversation, Demetri suggested we go out to the balcony.

I shook my head. "I can't stand the cigarette smoke, sorry."

"Let's go to the downstairs bar where it's quieter. I'll get you another drink," he said.

He was leaning in towards me so he didn't have to shout. Then I saw it; a flash of desire as his fingers brushed suggestively over the pulse point of my wrist. He licked his lips.

I tried to deny what my brain was telling me.

_No, No, No, he has a girlfriend!_ I could feel my face flaming.

"Bella," he said casually. "Maybe we should just get out of here? No one needs to know. I can take you back to your hotel. We can have some fun, alone together, and then go to the club later."

_You've got to be kidding me! Had I been too nice, was I unconsciously flirty with him? He wants to fuck me and cheat on his girlfriend in the process?_

_Is this my life? Is this what I'd always be? The temptation? The girl men wanted to fuck on the side behind their girlfriends' back?_

I wanted to shout at him, call him a cheating fuckwit.

"I think you've misread me," I said in the calmest voice I could deliver. "I'm not interested in sleeping with you, and if you love your girlfriend, you shouldn't want to be with anyone else either."

"Bella, its just sex. Come on. No one needs to know."

_No one needs to know?_

I stood up, my hands twitched and my mind raced with ways I could hurt him: slap him, throw my wine on him, pull his hair, kick him, push him off the chair. I was soooooo angry.

I just turned and walked out.

_No one needs to know._

_No one needs to know._

_No one needs to know._

Those five words. Those simple words finally and completely registered with me and everything felt like it was crashing in around me.

_I'm over with being anyone's secret. I can't do this with anyone ever, ever again._

It hit me like a sledgehammer that I needed the validation and acknowledgement that every 'normal' couple has when they start a relationship.

Demetri had asked me earlier if I had a boyfriend, and I'd automatically lied and said 'no'. It was my knee jerk answer to his question. Only after it came out of my mouth did I realize how telling the lie made me feel.

It made me feel like I could be used, left, abandoned, discarded. _No one would know_.

I could be Demetri's one night fling. I was Edward's secret hotel girlfriend. No one _would_ know.

_Nothing_. I felt like I was nothing.

I ran as fast as I could in the precarious heels, down the stairs. I paused to collect myself before I walked out of the restaurant. There was a group of photographers that looked me up and down, snapped a few pics but then lost interest when they realized I was a nobody.

I walked briskly away from the restaurant.

_I'm nothing. I'm no one special._

My phone stated ringing. I pulled it out of the clutch to look at the display.

_Edward_.

_Now he wants to acknowledge me? He can go to hell!_

There were no cabs, so I continued walking quickly down the street.

_If I go back to the hotel, will Edward show up? Will he want to sleep in my room, like everything's fine? Does he want to continue the role-play and act like the happy 'in love' couple; a couple that could only interact in anonymity in a luxury hotel?_

Edward called again.

I didn't want to answer, I shouldn't have answered.

"Hello?" I barked in anger.

"You left?"

"Oh, you noticed?" I said sarcastically.

"Where are you?"

"I'm walking down the street."

"Did that guy hit on you?" he sounded incredulous.

_He knew I was in the room, he knew and yet he chose not to give me any acknowledgement? _

I closed my eyes. I felt sick, dizzy from the alcohol, and my anger burned me so fiercely I thought I would go mad.

"Why do you care?" I said childishly. "It's not like you even looked at me the whole evening." My voice cracked.

_NO, DO NOT CRY_; I yelled at myself.

"I can't do this Edward." I said more firmly. "I can't pretend that I didn't spend every second that you were in the restaurant, wishing I could touch you, that I could kiss you and tell everybody there that I'm…_in love_ with you."

"Bella," he whispered, so no one would hear him. "I want that too–"

"Bullshit!" I yelled. I took a deep breath and lowered my voice. "You didn't even _look_ at me." The tears fell and I felt my head pounding.

"Please, come back. I'm sorry. I can expl–"

"No!" I cut him off. "Just spend the night with your friends. I'll see you tomorrow."

"_Bella_," he pleaded, "I'll leave now and meet you at the hotel. I want you to go straight to the hotel, OK?"

"Why? You ignore me until another guy propositions me, and then you want me? I'll see you tomorrow."

I ended the call and immediately called Angela.

She didn't answer, so I left a message.

"Angela, I snuck out. I'm not feeling well. Tell Ben I'm sorry and I hope he has a wonderful night. I'll call you tomorrow."

I looked down at the beautiful, painful shoes_. Trying to be someone I'm not; trying to make myself desirable to him, so he'll want me, not for my lyrics, but me, so he'll want to keep me. He couldn't even look at me._

I took a few unsteady steps.

_I need to talk to Kate._

I called her.

"Hello, Meyer B&B."

"Kate, it's me."

"Bella? You're calling early. I expected you to call me in the morning with all the juicy details of how he couldn't keep his hands off you?" I could hear the smile in her voice.

"The opposite actually," I sounded deadpan. "Can I come over? I need a friend."

"So early? Have you even been to the dinner?" She sounded worried.

"Yes, it was all too weird. Please Kate, I don't want to be alone and I need to talk to someone."

"Of course you can come over, I'm here. Are you driving?"

"No, I've had some wine. I'll jump in a cab. See you in twenty-five."

"You're not running again, are you Bella?"

_Running, again?_

Her words shocked me. I paused, unable to answer.

Yes, I was running. I was running from Edward, again.

_Am I repeating my mistakes?_

My anger turned instantly to anguish.

"I...it's just he..." I didn't know what to do or what to say. Tears stung the corner of my eyes.

_Should I go back?_

~0~

**A/N: **_**Should she? **_

**I know a lot of you are going to be fed up and I expect anger and frustration. YELL at me if you want, flounce if you must, just know that they will redeem themselves.**

**I wanted to respond to reviewers from last chapter…but seems as though some of you have your private messaging disabled…so I regret I couldn't respond personally.**

**A little shout out to edwardsisobel for her feedback, and to my beta CandyTwi ******smooches****


	39. Crescendo

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

_From Chapter 38 - Vivace:_

_"You're not running again, are you Bella?"___

_Running, again?___

_Her words shocked me. I paused, unable to answer.___

_Yes, I was running. I was running from Edward, again.___

_Am I repeating the same mistakes?___

_My anger turned to anguish.___

_"I...it's just he..." I didn't know what to do or what to say. Tears stung the corner of my eyes._

_Should I go back?__  
_

**~~Bella~~**

"Kate, he ignored me, the whole time he was in the room, he didn't even look at me." I said softly, embarrassed that I needed to describe the awful rejection.

More than that, I hated that this night was turning out to be one of the worst of my life. Especially when I'd been convinced that we had reached a turning point and that Edward and I could be together now the damn song was out of the way.

Kate sighed. "I'm sure there's an explanation. You know you shouldn't–"

"_Bella_!"

I turned and saw Emmett striding towards me, his expression concerned and determined.

"Um, Kate, I'll call you back." I hung up just as Emmett reached me.

"Are you alright?" He was slightly out of breath; he must have run from the restaurant to come after me. "Edward said a guy touched you?" he sounded angry.

I closed my eyes. _Edward saw that? He _was_ watching me?_

"I'm OK." I said. "I just couldn't stay. I need to get a cab."

"No, Edward wants me to take you to the hotel."

"_Edward_ doesn't get to dictate where I go!" The adrenaline pumping through my system was making me anxious yet I was suddenly sober and focused.

I didn't want to go back to the hotel or the restaurant, but I also realized that running from Edward now was completely irrational of me. I was being stupid and childish.

"He's just trying to protect you, Bella," Emmett said. "He wanted to come after you, but I stopped him. He hates the thought of those leeches latching on to you."

"Leeches?" I asked, perplexed.

"The slimy photographers that follow him. He wants to protect you from them. I have no idea what happened in there, but when he saw you, before you went into the restaurant, he kind of had an anxiety attack."

"What do you mean, he saw me before I went into the restaurant?" I felt a new pain in my chest.

"We were across the street in my car and saw you arrive. You got out of the cab and called him. He was too blown away to even answer his phone."

"Blown away?" I said incredulously.

"Yeah, shit, it's probably my fault. I told him I didn't think he'd be able to keep his hands off you. Especially wearing that." He gestured to my dress. "He had to sit in the car for fifteen minutes to get himself together."

I shook my head. _This doesn't make sense. If he was so 'blown away', why didn't he even acknowledge me!_

"Well, he most definitely kept his hands and his eyes off me!" I could feel myself on the brink of freaking out. "It was like he'd never even met me. Like he didn't want anything to do with me." My hands were shaking, my heart thumping in my chest. "I'd like to know what the fuck is really going on in Edward's mind."

"Bella, he's probably just nervous. It was supposed to be a secret. Edward was going to perform at Ben's gig tonight. He wanted to sing the song, _to you_. Let me take you back to the hotel. He needs to know you're safe."

_Secret_? _He wants to sing the song to me? In public? He can't even talk to me in a room full of people! _

I steeled my resolve.

"You can drive me somewhere, but I'm not going back to the hotel."

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I knew as soon as my eyes took in the room that my reaction was ridiculous. Bella was the only blip on my radar, but the first thing I noticed was the guy standing too close to her and the look of lust on his face.

He was staring at her lips, just like that asshole Laurent had when Bella had taken me to his club.

He wanted _my_ girlfriend.

I knew in that instant I needed to calm the fuck down and not embarrass her, or myself, by getting aggressively protective.

Crazy images flashed through my mind. I wanted to walk up to him and punch him in the jaw. I wanted her away from him. The violence I felt, the pure jealousy, was completely unjustifiable, but I couldn't help it.

I was seething.

However, I wasn't so unfocused with rage that I didn't notice that two of Angela's friends were giggling and staring at me, iPhones in their hands. Angela was hovering, being the perfect hostess.

"Are you OK? Are you going to talk to Bella?" Angela whispered to me as she hugged me hello.

Another girl offered me a beer, and I took it, still rigid with rage. The cool familiar taste helped me clear my head, then Edward the actor took over. I laughed at their stories, I smiled and exuded charm, the whole time trying to control my body as I shook with adrenaline.

I couldn't even look towards Bella and the _guy_, because I knew I would completely lose it.

This was Ben's night. Luckily, Ben arrived.

"Edward, it's so great you're here! So, you're getting up on stage with me tonight. Don't try and say no, it's the only thing I want for my birthday."

"Try and stop me. You're gonna play _Episode_ with me tonight." I stated.

"Fuck, yes!" He laughed, and I felt my rage ebb a little as I saw how happy he was. I grinned back at him. He had no clue that Angela had arranged the whole thing in the last few days.

I allowed myself a glance, the briefest look, towards Bella. The guy was still there but she had gone. She wasn't with him any more. I could have passed out with relief.

I wanted to sing to Bella, I wanted to be alone with her, and nothing else—not even my best friend's birthday dinner—held any excitement in comparison.

As Ben said hello to a few more people, I casually tried to see where she'd gone. A few minutes later I spotted her walking back into the room. She looked pale and nervous.

_I need her. _

"What's going on with you and Bella?" Ben asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?" I bluffed.

"I mean I thought you signed off on the song and she believed you about the photos being a set-up."

I closed my eyes. "The song is signed," I said quietly. "I don't want the paparazzi to find out about her, so we're playing it cool. They'll make her life hell, you remember what happened to Angela."

"The paps aren't getting in here," Ben protested.

"Look around Ben; even Angela's friends from the bank are trying to take pictures of me with their iPhones. They're probably tweeting them. _Shit_." I took a long pull of beer and chanced a look at Bella.

"Well, fuck it, Edward. I'm gonna ask Bella to sit with us." Ben stood up and walked towards Bella.

I tried not to make it obvious as I watched Ben talking to Bella. I clenched my fists when she stood up, hugged him and sat back down. My anxiety spiralled again.

_I want her the hell away from that douche._

When Ben came back alone, I felt sick to my stomach.

"Yeah, Bella noticed the two girls as well. She's gonna hang with Demetri."

"_Demetri_? Is that the guy next to her? Who is he?" I asked.

"He's a white hot sound engineer from London. He's coming to LA to help with the album so he's mixing the sound tonight to get a feel for how we perform live."

I used that information to try and calm myself.

_She should be sitting with me! Why in the fuck, out of all the people in the room, is she talking to an attractive guy? Why can't I control this overpowering feeling of possessiveness?_

I distracted myself by speaking to Angela, as I forced myself not to look at Bella.

_Just a couple of hours and we'll be at the club._

The appetizer arrived and everyone sat down to eat. I was very covert in my glances to the other end of the table where Bella was still seated next to _the guy_. Demetri.

She looked unhappy, pale, her lips white. I noticed she was sipping water instead of her wine.

Then, everything went to hell.

I saw him touch her.

I saw the look on his face.

Bella said something to him. She stood up, her hands shaking. I was immobilized by jealousy as I watched her walk out of the room.

Rage and fear took over and I raced out of the room and down the stairs after her. I was too late. There were the leeches, a crowd of them huddled on the other side of the frosted glass door.

I stepped back to the base of the stairs, took my phone out of my pocket and called her, desperate to explain. She didn't answer the first time.

I tried again, and when she did speak to me she was angry and hurt.

"Hello?" she said angrily.

"You left?" It was a statement more than a question.

"Oh, you noticed?" her sarcasm evident.

"Where are you?"

"I'm walking down the street." She said curtly.

"Did that guy hit on you?" I don't even know why I asked; it had been blatantly obvious to me.

"Why do you care?" she sounded hurt and upset. "It's not like you even looked at me the whole evening."

_Oh God, Bella. I'm a fucking idiot._

"I can't do this Edward." She said before I could speak.

"I can't pretend that I didn't spend every second that you were in the restaurant, wishing I could touch you, that I could kiss you and tell everybody there that I'm…_in love_ with you." She said softly and with so much emotion I felt my heart ache.

_She loves me. _

"Bella," I said wantonly. "I want that too–"

"Bullshit!" she yelled at me. "You didn't even _look_ at me."

"Please, come back. I'm sorry. I can expl–"

"No! Just spend the night with your friends. I'll see you tomorrow."

"_Bella_, I'll leave now and meet you at the hotel. I want you to go straight to the hotel, OK?" _Fuck singing to her, I just need her._

"Why? You ignore me until another guy propositions me, and then you want me? I'll see you tomorrow."

She disconnected!

"Edward, what's going on?" Emmett stood in front of me.

"You need to go after Bella. I fucked up. She..._fuck_, the guy, he shouldn't have touched her! I should have...please can you find her and take her back to the hotel?"

"I'm on it. DO NOT leave this restaurant until I get back. Do you understand me?" he said, jerking his thumb towards the silhouetted paparazzi beyond the door.

I nodded dumbly as Emmett disappeared towards the kitchen and I assumed out the back exit. I couldn't seem to move my limbs.

_What the fuck have I done?_

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I asked Emmett to drive me to the B&B, and I didn't back down when he tried to convince me again to let him drive me to the hotel.

Kate's face was a picture of concern as she opened the door. "Bella, thank God! I was so worried!" She hugged me and then looked at Emmett.

"Kate, this is Edward's friend and bodyguard, Emmett McCarty."

"Hi, it's nice to meet you, Emmett. Please come in."

"Hi. I'll just wait in the car until Bella's ready to go," he said politely.

"I don't think so," Kate interrupted. "You're not sitting alone in your car! Come inside; I won't take no for an answer."

Emmett smirked but didn't argue. Kate led us to the sitting room.

"So, Emmett, maybe you can tell me why Bella and Edward can't seem to tell each other _exactly_ how they feel?"

"Kate!" I admonished.

"Humour me, Bella. Emmett?" she addressed him.

Emmett gave a wry grin.

"All I know is that Edward is crazy in love with her. In his situation, you know his profile, the media, the studio…he can barely look after himself, let alone deal with being so caught up with another person. When he saw Bella tonight he was practically hyperventilating," he added casually.

"Maybe, we can talk about this later," I said to Kate, shocked that she was being so forward. "Kate, _please_, this is kind of embarrassing."

"You _should_ be embarrassed," Kate retorted. "You guys are acting like you're in high school, not adults. If you ask me, all this needs to be out in the open. Don't you agree Emmett?"

"Well, no, sorry Kate, I don't agree. I've seen what happens when the press and the fans find out about new relationships. They'll cut Bella to pieces. She's too inexperienced to be able to cope with it all. Edward's trying to protect her."

"Can you both stop talking as if I'm not here?" I pleaded.

"Bella, do you love Edward?" Kate challenged me.

"Yes, you know I love him! Why do you even need to ask me that?"

"OK, well, I have a solution. Come with me, both of you," she said in a no-nonsense, '_don't question me_' tone.

_She's going to be a scary mum._

Kate led us through the kitchen and outside, passed the pool and the rose bushes to the little cottage.

"Kate?"

"Just come inside." She motioned us through the gate.

She unlocked the front door and tapped in a code on the security panel.

Once we were standing in the kitchen, Kate turned to Emmett.

"OK, here's the deal. You bring Edward here. We lock them in for the weekend until they sort out their shit."

Emmett laughed.

"Kate!"

"What? You don't want to be here alone with Edward for the weekend?"

"I...just–"

"Right," she dismissed me. "So Emmett, this place is pretty secure and extremely private. If you can get Edward here without being followed, then we won't have a problem. Better still, the paparazzi will think he's in the hotel, so they can waste their time trying to stalk him there."

"I like your thinking," said Emmett.

I closed my eyes. _This is not happening to me!_

"It all sounds OK. I just need to check the windows and doors and take a look around outside. I'll be right back." Emmett disappeared.

"_Kate_, what are you–"

She cut me off. "Bella. You love him. If you want this to work, the first thing you need to do is communicate. Edward _isn't_ Riley, and you can't just run every time something doesn't go your way."

"He didn't even look at me or speak to me," I whined.

She grabbed hold of my hand and walked me into the main bedroom. She let go of me when we were standing in front of the mirrored built-in wardrobe.

"You look sensational. If you want to blame anyone, it should be me. I knew this dress would look great on you. Those shoes, _sexy as fuck!_ When are you gonna wake up to reality? He's not some try-hard artist that just wants to get you into the sack when his girlfriend goes on holiday. He _loves _you and is trying to give you the space to get a handle on his life before anyone weighs in on it."

I stared at myself. Then I closed my eyes.

"That doesn't explain why he wouldn't at least smile at me. He has the song...I..."

"Like I said, humour me. He sent Emmett after you. I'm sure there's an explanation, and you should at least let the man speak! Spend the weekend here. Tell him everything, and I mean _everything _about Riley, tell him your fears _and_ your desires. Fuck his goddamn brains out on that bed and don't have any doubt that he wouldn't want that with you."

I heard a fake cough and looked up to see Emmett standing in the doorway looking uncomfortable. It was obvious that he'd heard.

I was mortified.

"Yeah, all set," he said. "I'm fine with it. Edward needs to attend fight training tomorrow morning, but I should be able to get him out of it. I'd have to stay in the main house to be close by."

"Great. It's all settled then!" said Kate with a clap of her hands. "You can drop Bella at the club." She turned to me. "After the gig get a cab back here while Emmett loses the fans and photographers. Then he can bring Edward here."

I could feel my face flaming as I looked around the main bedroom.

Kate's 'nesting' spree had included decorating the entire room. It was beautiful. There were candles on the bedside tables. The chiffon curtains covering the French doors to the garden were tied back with a pretty green and pink braided silk cord.

Her plan made sense. Edward and I needed to talk. I would rather it be here in this cosy little cottage than in my boxy hotel room with hundreds of people under the same roof.

"OK, well, I'm set. Shall we go?" asked Emmett.

I turned to Kate; "I want you to come with me, to the club."

She shook her head. "No, Bella, there's nothing weirder than a pregnant chick at a trendy bar."

"You come with me, or the plan is off." I tried to sound convincing. "_Please_," I whispered.

Kate looked to Emmett and then back to me.

"Are you comfortable driving my car?" she asked me.

I nodded.

"OK, we'll drive to the hotel, so you can pack an overnight bag then we'll drive to the club." She looked at Emmett.

"Fine by me," he stated.

"Excellent. Give me five minutes to change."

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

Emmett apologized when he picked me up from the restaurant. He said he'd persuaded Bella to come by telling her that I was going to perform on stage with Ben. He assured me she would be in the audience and that she had agreed to see me afterwards.

I needed to see her, so I stood in my usual spot behind the black curtain and looked into the crowd. I spotted Angela and her friends; in fact most of the people that were at the restaurant were standing close together on the right hand side of the stage. Bella wasn't with them.

I looked beyond; I even tried to look up to the mezzanine to see if she was seated. There were too many people and the lighting was too dim.

Ben's band was rocking the stage. I could tell he was more than pumped to know that he would be recording next week in LA.

Even though that douche Demetri had touched her, I had calmed myself from the level of hostility that had overtaken me when I'd been at the restaurant.

It was stupidly hypocritical of me to get jealous over one guy, when Bella had to see women make eyes at me all the time. I thought back to the cougars in the VIP bar, the two girls at Ben's dinner. She would have to suffer the attention I got from fans and I had to be man enough and confident enough in our relationship to deal with men looking at her. She is beautiful, hands down the most gorgeous girl I'd ever met. _I know she loves me.  
_  
I took in a deep breath as Ben introduced me.

"A really close friend of mine promised to get up on this stage with me tonight," said Ben as the crowd applauded and whistled. "All I can say is, it's about time Edward Cullen!"

I walked on to the stage to screams, clapping and wolf-whistling. It was overwhelming.

"Happy Birthday man. Thank you," I whispered in Ben's ear.

I sat down at the keyboard and adjusted the microphone. I had to have faith in Emmett's word that Bella was here and that she would see me and let me explain.

When I looked up, I couldn't see anything except the spotlight pointing directly in my face.

"Hello, thanks for coming out." Another wave of cheering and screaming.

"This musician here," I motioned to Ben, "is a fantastic friend and an inspiration to me. Let's all give him some cheers for an outstanding birthday!"

The crowd gave it all they could. Ben just shook his head at me and I knew he knew what I intended to do next.

I took a deep breath.

"This song holds a place in my heart. More than that, it _owns _my soul. Someone said to me, 'the song defines the place that we occupy right now'. She said 'everything will change around us', that we _would _change, yet 'the words and the music would never alter'."

I shielded my eyes from the bright spotlight and looked into the audience. I wanted to see her, connect with her, and make her understand that it would only ever be her. _I should have done this at the restaurant_._ I should have acknowledged her. _I knew I'd hurt her. I was going to make it up to her; any way she'd let me.

"She was right," I said, "except now, even though the music and the words are the same, the _meaning_ has changed for me. I can't go back to being the person I was then, and I don't want to. I only met her a very short time ago and yet, s_he_ is my life now."

There was a murmur from the women in the audience. Ben was smiling widely and my heart was beating a wild rhythm. I could feel my hands shaking.

"The song is a representation of what I want, what I can't live without." I closed my eyes and prayed she was here, listening. "I won't live without you B … _p__lease..._"

I paused. I waited until the whistles and shouts of '_We love you Edward!'_ ceased.

The audience murmured but stayed quiet. My eyes scanned the audience again, looking for her. I knew it was pointless. I just had to believe.

"This song is called _Episode_. It's for the girl I love." I took in another calming breath.

"I love you," I whispered.

_Just for Bella. Only for Bella. _

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

My nervousness spiked when Ben called Edward onto the stage.

Kate took my hand and squeezed it.

I was grounded with her by my side. I knew I couldn't have sat there by myself. I didn't want to experience my love for Edward in secret, or without some support. I needed to be able to confide in someone. I needed to know that these feelings were real and not just in my head.

I'd had Jessica when I was with Riley, but her support was more like a lacklustre acceptance of our relationship. It was like she knew it wouldn't go anywhere and she wasn't entirely sympathetic when she was proven right.

I looked at Kate, she was grinning and holding her tummy as the loud applause and cheers Edward had initiated to celebrate for Ben's birthday started to subside. She grabbed my hand and placed it below her navel.

I felt the tiniest rolling movement of a limb, or something as her baby moved inside her. It was the strangest feeling I'd ever experienced. I was emotional seeing Edward on stage, but even more overwhelming was the glow on Kate's cheeks and the miracle of the life growing in her belly.

All my childish fears and doubts seemed suddenly insignificant.

The crowd's applause died down and Edward continued to speak. Kate smiled at me and I pulled my hand away reluctantly.

The cacophony eventually faded, as every one hushed to hear.

He remembered and quoted my off-handed toast that I'd made up on the spot that night we'd met in the bar. The night I'd agreed to let him use the lyrics to _Episode_.

He said I owned his soul. I remembered back to the lake, his declaration that we were twin-souls, _soul mates_. I was sure that he was just quoting from the book back then, but this was nothing like that.

He said he couldn't live with out me.

He introduced _Episode_ and said it was for the girl he loved.

"I love you," he whispered into the microphone.

It was enough to set the females in the audience on fire.

I felt Kate squeeze my arm. Then I watched as Edward lowered his eyes to his hands that were resting over the keys.

Edward had started playing, and Ben was accompanying him on the guitar.

"Oh God Bella," whispered Kate. "He loves you!" she said, with her mouth up against my ear.

I felt a shiver run over my scalp and down my spine. I didn't know what to say back to her.

I was awestruck.

His voice was so powerful and emotional, even more so than when he'd sung at Laurent's. That time he'd sung _Episode_ with a passionate fervour that had been a million times better than when he'd sung it in the Purple bar. This was way beyond that.

I watched his face and the way he held his body, he looked defeated and sad. I felt the emotion.

It was regret.

I wanted to sing along, but I kept my lips motionless and I closed my eyes.

_He loves me. _

_He really loves me!_

I felt my love for him expand and bloom anew in my mind and in my heart. I knew the song was burned into my soul as soon as I heard him play it the first time. It seemed that every time he performed it, my incapacity to give myself fully was being chipped away.

_Kate's right. I need to tell him my fears. I need to tell him all about Riley. I need to ask Edward what he sees for our future. _

_I need to tell him, how much I ache for him._

All too quickly the song was finished. The applause was deafening. The girls to our right were screaming, jumping, and crying. I watched as Ben and Edward hugged and Edward left the stage. The rest of the band came back out and Ben said they had one more song to perform.

"I think we should go before the crowds, Kate." I suggested.

I led, holding her hand, weaving through the people towards the exit, ensuring no one got anywhere near her tummy.

The focus held me together, even though tears stung my eyes. I blinked them away. It seemed that the entire club was full of women crying. I had that clenching ache in the back of my throat. I was barely holding it together. When we finally got out and onto the street, I turned to check Kate was OK.

"Let's get you home." _she _soothed _me_.

I nearly broke down then, so choked up with the emotion of his words and the anguish in his voice.

_Does he still want to be with me, can we both find a balance?_

Then suddenly some girls surged forward out of the club, brushing passed us. Then flashes shot in a bright strobe as the paparazzi milled around. But they weren't photographing me.

"Bree! Bree! Look at the camera." one shouted.

"Bree, is it true you're dating Edward Cullen?"

I stared as a small girl was herded to the edge of the road. She was blushing yet smiling as the photographers were yelling at her to pose for them.

"Smile! Yes, look this way. Bree! BREE!" They were shouting and shuffling to get closer. The flashes were firing rapidly. I didn't recognise her; she didn't even look old enough to have been in the club.

Kate asked someone standing next to her what was going on.

"That girl was photographed with Edward Cullen last night. She's his real girlfriend. He's not dating Rosalie Hale," she said matter-of-factly.

The girl Bree didn't even look like she was eighteen.

The photographers were still shouting and pushing close to her and she looked a little frightened.

I stepped forward.

"No, Bella, let's go now," said Kate. "This is what he's trying to protect you from," she said into my ear.

I stared at the girl. She now looked petrified as some of Edward's fans were surrounding her. The crowd of women surged forward.

_They didn't seriously think Edward was dating a teenager?_

But it seemed they did. Fans were holding magazines out for her to autograph, while the paparazzi were firing away and shouting at her, trying to intimidate her to look into their camera lenses.

Kate and I walked briskly to her car.

I unlocked the doors and we got in.

"I don't know who she is," I said.

"Bella, it doesn't matter. He loves you. What he said, it was beautiful."

I took in a long slow breath. "I can't lose him, Kate. I'm scared I'll lose him!" I let the tears fall then.

"You won't." she said confidently.

If only I could feel a tenth of her confidence. I wiped away the tears and concentrated on the road.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

Desolation. It's what I felt. I had no idea if she was in the audience. I stood like a statue backstage as Ben and his band mates played their encore song.

My phone started ringing.

It was Alice.

"Hello," I said sullenly.

"Edward what happened?" I could tell she'd been crying. I knew she'd felt everything I had during that song.

The fear that Bella would walk away from me. The hatred I felt for myself at not putting her feelings first.

I couldn't answer my sister. I couldn't pretend that I thought everything would work out. I couldn't call her out on her inability to tell me that she waited four months for Jasper and never confided in me.

I suddenly I felt angry. It didn't mean anything, her dream, her knowledge. The fact was that I'd fucked this up. Bella may simply slip through my fingers.

"I can't even try to tell you right now Alice. I need time. Please just give me some time." I ended the call.

Emmett appeared then. He looked unhappy.

"She's at the hotel?" I asked, frantic.

"I'm taking you to her." he said simply.

"She wasn't in the audience?" I said, defeated. My grand plan to play it cool, to declare myself was for nothing. She didn't even know.

"She was there." Emmett said. "So was Bree Tanner," he added.

I stared at him. "So? What's Bree got to do with it?"

"You nearly said Bella's name, but you cut it, you said B, you said you couldn't live without B. The leeches spotted her. They think _she_ is the B, Edward."

_Fuck!_

I kicked a chair and pulled at my hair. _How in the fuck could they think I was in love with the seventeen-year-old niece of the executive producer! I only met the girl yesterday!_

"Think about it later. Bella's waiting. Calm the fuck down and look happy. I have to get you back to the hotel."

I blocked it all, the screams the flashes. We drove to the hotel. Just before we got to the entrance he spoke.

"Listen to me. Go to your room, pack a bag and meet me in the parking garage as quickly as you can. I'll take you to Bella."

"She's not here?" I demanded.

"No, please don't ask questions, just do it, Edward."

I rushed into the hotel. When I was in the elevator my fingers wanted to push for level eight, but I needed to trust Emmett. I got to my room on the 34th floor, it felt cold and sterile. My overnight bag was in Bella's room, so I forced some clothes into my gym bag and practically ran to the elevator to descend to the parking garage.

I had no idea where we were headed as I hid under a blanket on the backseat. I had flashbacks of Bella taking me to Laurent's. I refused to believe that night would be our one and only 'date'. I used the time lying on the backseat to go over in my mind how to apologize, how to convince her I needed her and that if she would still have me, I'd do anything to make it up to her.

_I can't give up on her. I'll never give up._

~0~

**A/N: Hello. I know, so long in updating. I appreciate you coming back. I love all of you that are reading my fic! Last chapter had the most varied reviews ever… I hoped reading Edward's perspective filled in the gaps. I wanted to keep a tally of how many of you said she should have gone back. It was a lot! This Bella could never have gone back. Kate to the rescue (Thank you RebeccaMCullen for providing the quote for Kate). **

**Now lock them away and make Bella take Kate's advice… yes?**


	40. Rhapsody

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

After Kate left I sat on the sofa and took off the pretty shoes. My feet were sore and covered with angry red marks.

_"You and Edward will be able to work everything out,"_ Kate had reassured me as we drove back to the B&B. _"Just promise me you'll tell him all about Riley before you __fuck each other stupid,"_ she added with a grin.

I stared at my phone. I had no idea how long it would take Emmett to get Edward here, or even if he would agree to come.

He said he loved me and that he wouldn't live without me. I believed him.

I closed my eyes and visualized what happened to that poor girl, Bree. The paparazzi thought _she_ was with Edward. She seemed to enjoy the attention, but that quickly descended into panic as they shouted at her, and harassed her to admit she was dating Edward. Her joy had turned to horror pretty damn quickly.

Emmett and Kate were both right. I had no idea how I'd deal with that kind of invasion of privacy.

_Edward keeping me to himself is his way of protecting me. _

But inside my head the debate still raged.

_Can I handle that kind of intrusion into my life if I'm with him? Maybe keeping our relationship a secret is a small price to pay. _

_What do I want? What can I live with?_

I knew I didn't want to deal with the public and their intrusion into my personal life, but on the other hand, I needed to know that Edward would tell his family about me and that I could tell mine about him. I couldn't fathom not telling my parents that I was in love, this time. I didn't care about the rest of the world.

_I don't want to be the target for a_—_what did Emmett call them_— _Leeches? A leech photographer with a digital camera that just wants to use me to make a fast buck._

Hiding from that seemed justifiable in my mind. Riley hiding me away had been a different kettle of fish.

I reminded myself I needed to tell Edward about Riley and that thought made me feel panicky.

The scars had stayed with me from the emotional hurt Riley inflicted. I knew it. I even recognized them, so why couldn't I separate myself from the comparisons?

_Why am I still holding that hurt? _

I was anxious and nauseous as I walked through the rooms of the little cottage and thought about everything in my life.

All of it seemed surreal, and yet, when I thought of Edward and how he made me feel, I knew we belonged together.

I'd 'loved' Riley for years before we were a secret 'couple.' I'd known Edward a month and the depth of love I felt was just as intense.

Why did the short length of time make me feel so ill at ease?

_Can two people truly fall in love so quickly? And how can I explain the pulsing current that shakes through my body when Edward touches me, as if there's some other connection? I know I'm not imagining it. I know he feels it too._

I looked at the king sized bed and Edward's and my overnight bags placed side by side on the floor.

I walked to my bag. I put my hand inside and pulled out the condoms Kate had given me. I held the row in my hand.

_Edward may not even want to use them with me. _

_No, he will. Won't he? He loves me; he'll want to love me, that way? The song is signed, so his rule about not getting 'intimate' with people he works with, can't be an excuse._

I thought back to all the times we'd already given each other pleasure_._ I desired Edward, we'd been intimate as far as I was concerned, and every time had been mind-blowing.

Why was I placing so much importance on going _all the way_? My body craved him; a pulsing lust that overtook all of my senses. That was the problem; I knew we needed to talk before we touched. Every time we kissed, desire dominated my actions.

It was clear. I needed to tell Edward about Riley and I needed to tell him I could only be a secret from his fans and the media. Not from his family. I needed to know he loved me enough to tell his parents and sister about me, and I needed to tell Charlie, Elaine, mum and Phil, that Edward and I were together and I loved him.

Telling Jessica and Eric was something I didn't want to think about yet.

I opened the bedside table drawer and placed the condoms inside. There was a box of matches. I didn't light the candles. I didn't want to assume that after Edward and I _really_ talked, that Kate's none too subtle prediction that we'd _'fuck'_ would come true—right here on this bed.

Anyway, I didn't want to _'fuck'_ Edward. I wanted to love him, and feel him loving me back. I suddenly felt overheated and sweaty.

I walked to the French doors and untied the curtain. The latch clicked and I pushed the doors open to reveal a small courtyard. There were potted plants surrounding a trickling fountain. Beyond was a tall brick wall bordered by white rose bushes, just like the ones surrounding the swimming pool off the main house.

I stared at the reflection of the moon.

I was still panicky and nervous.

_I need something to calm me down._

_Music_.

Of course, music was always my savior. I could find solace in the short three-minute stories and I could play them to match my mood; happy, vibrant pop or heavy, dark rock.

_Is it fate or irony that it was music that brought Edward and I together?_

I looked around the room. There was a small digital clock radio. I switched it on and turned the volume down instantly when an announcer yelled out an advertising special-deal in a confronting Canadian accent. I tuned it to a classical music station. Dulcet piano tones softly filtered from the mono speaker.

It was foreign and weird sounding. This type of music just wasn't _me._

"Bella!"

It was Edward.

_He's here._

My knees were weak. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to get myself together. There was no way I could have a focused conversation with Edward here, in view of this enticing bed.

I walked briskly into the living room.

I stopped when I saw him. My heart was pounding in my chest. He looked so relieved to see me. His furrowed brow softened as he walked towards me.

I held my hand out in a 'stop' motion, silently begging him not to come closer.

I knew what I had to do. I knew if I kissed or touched Edward, everything I'd been planning in my head would disintegrate.

"I need to say something." I said. The volume of my voice was practically inaudible. "I need you to listen to me and stay where you are."

"I need to explain," he pleaded.

"No." I shook my head. "Please. I need to say this first."

"Bella, I want to–"

"Please, I need to speak first." I cut him off.

The look on his face, his voice, the way he stood—hopeful yet dejected—was all too much.

I was seconds away from chickening out and running to him. I knew just one touch would make me feel loved and content. I knew I could entice Edward into the bedroom where I could give my body over to the sensation of him.

_It could happen, I could make it happen. _

_Just like I did with Riley._

It suddenly dawned on me that I wasn't Riley's victim; he was mine. I'd used my body to trap him into a sexual relationship. I used my allure to get what I wanted, and then deluded myself into believing I had no allure at all.

_How could I have been so oblivious?_

I was determined not to do the same with Edward. I wanted more with him, I wanted everything, and I wanted Edward to want it too. He deserved to know how I felt when we were alone and together. He also needed to know I hoped to feel that way no matter where we were, or _who_ was watching.

I walked around to the other side of the sofa, using it as barrier between our bodies.

Edward looked pained and anxious, but he didn't move.

"When you...didn't look at me, or acknowledge me, I..."

My body sagged in defeat. I purposefully squared my shoulders before I proceeded.

"I need to tell you..."

I was stalling. I knew it. Then I just thought blurting it would be easier.

"Riley and I were together for three months. I experienced love for three months, then...well I told you what happened after that." I could feel my traitorous body flushing my cheeks pink. "What I didn't tell you was that Riley never told anyone about me. I was his dirty little secret. His family and friends had no idea he was seeing me. The only person that knew was my friend Jessica. When he, didn't want me anymore...no one knew. It was like... it never happened. Like I never existed to him, that way. I can't live another lie. I can't be that girl again."

"Bella, I–"

"Let me finish!" I pleaded.

"Today was both the most horrific and the most amazing day for me. I got to see where you went every day. I got to see a real movie set and we signed the copyright. In your trailer, when you kissed me..." the thought sent a wave of desire through my body. I pushed my closed fist over my heart to calm the throbbing. "Then, tonight, I was so angry at you. We were in a restaurant with some of your friends, your _best_ friend. I thought you would have told Ben and Angela that we were together, but they didn't act as if they knew. I didn't know what to say to them.

"I know you said we needed to play it cool, but I didn't think that meant you weren't even going to look at me." I looked down at my bare feet. "Or speak to me. You spoke to everyone else. I felt so rejected, Edward. I felt worthless."

"I can explain!"

"STOP! I need to say this." I could feel my anger building.

"_Episode_ is yours. I thought you...had what you wanted and I wasn't needed any more."

"No, Bella, I _love_ you!" He walked around the sofa and I backed away.

"Don't come any closer."

"I can't lose you."

"Just shut up!" I sobbed.

He stopped in his tracks, shocked.

"Please, Edward. It's scary how much I feel for you. It's confusing and addictive and surreal. I can't seem to focus on anything except the feel of your skin and the way you smile at me. I need to tell you what I feel."

Edward looked so forlorn. I wanted to reassure him, but I knew I had to tell him everything. Only then could he make a decision, knowing how damaged I was because of my past with Riley.

"At the club, you said those beautiful words to me. You sang our song. I knew. I _know_ you love me. I could feel it Edward. So could every woman in the room. They all wanted the words to be for them. But I knew you were speaking only to me. Just me...

"When Kate and I were leaving, there was a girl. The paparazzi were photographing her, yelling–"

"She's the executive producer's niece. I only–"

"Edward! I know. _Please_, I know. They were horrible to her. They were shouting and even the fans believed that you and her... They _wanted_ to believe. It made me realize that would happen to me. I could have been in her shoes. I would have gone through that, if they'd known you were singing to me."

I could no longer hold back my tears. I was still conflicted. No, I was scared; scared of that happening to me. I knew I wasn't ready for it. I doubted I'd ever be ready for that type of attention. But as I stood looking at Edward, I knew I would suffer it a million times over, to be his, to be with him.

Edward clutched the back of the sofa. "_Please_ Bella, don't–"

"I love you. I understand why you don't want the world to know about me. I get it now. I really do get it. I didn't understand before. I thought it would be easy, like when we had dinner with Ben and Angela at their house, or when we went to Laurent's. That night was so amazing, but we weren't together, then. I wanted you, even then. I wanted us to be..."

I held my hands out in warning before Edward could move forward.

"I could do it, Edward. I could live through it all, with you," I said. "I don't care about the fans and the paparazzi. I just need to know that you want to tell your friends about me, tell your family about me. I can't keep you a secret from my family and I don't want to be a secret from yours. If you can't tell them, I just _can't_ be with you."

I broke down then. Uncontrollable sobs. Edward's arms surrounded me, trapping me in a vice-like grip.

"I can't…I can't be hidden away again," I cried.

"Bella," he soothed me.

His touch was like the sweetest torture. I craved it, it calmed me, and yet, the fear that this would be the last time I'd feel his hands, his body against mine, was terrifying. What if he saw I was carrying way too much emotional baggage to be worth the effort?

_I'm not normal._

I struggled out of his grasp and wrapped my arms around him. I stood on tiptoes to guide his face to me so I could kiss him, a soft, closed-mouth kiss.

"I love you." I whispered.

Edward's hands stroked my hair, holding my head gently. His eyes looked into mine as he lowered his lips. He kissed me deeply, a kiss full of relief and passion.

I let him.

Even if this was to be our last embrace, I let him.

I didn't want to stop.

Edward placed his forehead against mine.

"Can I speak now? Please," he asked me.

I nodded, eyes closed.

I could feel and smell his breath against my face. He didn't release me and I didn't want him to.

"Bella, my family already knows about you. I told them everything when I was in LA for the junket. They know about how we met, the song, your connection to Forks. They know I'm in love with you, that I want to be with you every day for the rest of my life. They want to meet you."

I opened my eyes. I tried to absorb what he was telling me.

_Edward's family know about me?_

_They know?_

"I'm not a secret," I whispered dumbly.

"No, god no, you're not a secret."

Edward's lips touched mine tentatively; he barely pulled his lips away before he spoke again. "I told them. How could I not tell them that I'd finally met my soul mate?"

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

When she told me to shut up, I nearly passed out with shock.

"Please, Edward. I need to talk. I can't fully explain. It's scary how much I feel for you. It's confusing and addictive and surreal. I can't seem to focus on anything except the feel of your skin and the way you smile at me. Please, I need to tell you what I feel." she said.

Jasper's words came back to me. _'...stay positive, wait for her, give her all the time she needs. You know it should all work out, just not instantly, OK?'_

_He told me not to tell her about Alice's dream. He said to give her space. 'You need to take things slowly. You don't have to be together straight away.'_

_She doesn't have the insight that I do. She doesn't _know_ that we _are_ soul mates. _

I stood, unmoving, trying to let her speak as she described what my declaration meant to her.

"At the club, you said those beautiful words to me. You sang our song. I knew. I _know_ you love me. I could feel it Edward. So could every woman in the room. They all wanted the words to be for them. But I knew you were speaking only to me. Just me...

"When Kate and I were leaving," she said.

_Kate_? _She's the friend Bella went to see when we got back from the cabin? _

_"_There was a girl. The paparazzi were photographing her, yelling–"

_No! She can't think there's anything between me and Bree! _

I interrupted. "She's the executive producer's niece. I only–"

"Edward! I know. _Please_, I know. They were horrible to her. They were shouting and even the fans believed that you and her... They _wanted_ to believe. It made me realize that would happen to me. I would have been in her shoes. I would have gone through that, if they'd known you were singing to me."

I watched as tears fell from her beautiful brown eyes. It took all my strength not to run to her and hold her in my arms.

"Please Bella, don't–"

She cut me off again.

"I love you. I understand why you don't want the world to know about me. I get it now. I really do get it. I suppose I didn't really understand. I thought it would be easy, like when we had dinner with Ben and Angela at their house, or when we went to Laurent's. That night was so amazing, but we weren't together, then. I wanted you, even then. I wanted us to be..."

I couldn't take it any more. I needed to reassure her. My body launched itself towards her, like a magnet.

_How could I not comfort her when she was so upset and...broken?_

Bella gestured for me to stay back.

"I could do it, I could live through it all, with you. I don't care about the fans and the paparazzi. I just need to know that you _want_ to tell your friends and family about me. I can't keep you a secret from my family and I don't want to be a secret from yours. If you can't tell them, I just can't be with you."

_She thinks I want to keep her a secret from my family. NO, NO, NO!_

I couldn't let her think that! I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly to me, so relieved that I could finally touch her.

"I can't…I can't be hidden away again," She was openly crying now; steady tears that broke my heart.

"Bella," I said as I pulled her closer to me, breathing in that sweet addictive floral perfume and the scent of her silky hair.

Our breathing became synchronized. I knew I would wait. I could wait for her. _How can I reassure her?_

She started to pull away from me and I wanted to stop her, but then she pulled my face down to hers and kissed me gently on the lips.

"I love you," she whispered.

I kissed her back. It was a soft and extremely tentative kiss. Even so, the fire in my veins ignited. All it took was the touch of her lips to mine to remind me how I couldn't live without her and that I couldn't fuck this up.

Her soft silky hair under my fingertips, the warmth of her body and the pulsing static where her skin touched mine was even more powerful.

_How can she not accept it? Tell her, everything..._

"Can I speak now? Please."

She didn't say no. I took in a long slow breath.

"Bella, my family already knows about you. They know everything. I told them everything when I was in LA for the junket. They know about how we met, the song, your connection to Forks. They know I'm in love with you, that I want to be with you every day for the rest of my life. They want to meet you."

I can't believe I didn't tell Bella this already. I thought back to the cabin, how easy it was for me to let my desire for her dictate my actions, rather than stop and communicate verbally.

_Was that a habit I learnt from Tanya? She was always distracting me with sex when I wanted to talk about our future. Had I inadvertently taken on that trait?_

"I'm not a secret," Bella said quietly.

"No, god no, you're not a secret." I said, pulling her closely to me and kissing her again.

"I told them. How could I not tell them that I'd finally met my soul mate? I want you to meet them; my father Carlisle, my mother Esme and Alice and her boyfriend Jasper." I burrowed my face into to hair and whispered to her. "I'm not your ex." I was determined to eradicate this guy Riley from her thoughts forever. "I'll never do that to you. I _love_ you. I can't lose you. Please Bella, whatever you want. I'll give you what ever you want. I love you, we can make this work."

I pulled her to me and walked with her to sit on the sofa, holding her close to my body, stroking and kissing her hair. Her eye makeup had run. Her lips were trembling.

"Please understand, I want you all to myself, for as long as we can sustain it. They'll make your life hell. It's my job to protect you, to keep you safe. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. Just seeing...the reason I was so..._jealous_ at the restaurant." I tried to stifle the sickly fire of rage that I experienced when I saw _Demetri_ coveting her. "I feel very...protective of you. I knew what he was thinking as soon as I saw him. I was trying to keep my distance."

"Wait, you knew? How? I..."

"It was obvious that he wanted you. It made me so livid with jealousy. I wanted to rip his goddamn head off."

"Edward," she sighed and touched my face. "I didn't realize. God, there _is_ something so wrong with me!"

"I tell you that I wanted to kill a man for looking at you with desire and you think there's something wrong with you?" I squeezed her body in my arms.

"Please, trust me. I've seen what they do to sell magazines, to create false stories. I will fiercely protect you, for as long as I can. My family, they know what it's like; they've been dealing with it for the last few years. Please..."

Her hand rested against my chest as I pulled her into my tight embrace. I couldn't be without her. I didn't have the strength to be without her. I couldn't wait any length of time for her to absorb it all. I wanted her now, right now, to believe me and feel it and let go. I wanted her to know the depth of our connection and never be in a position to question it. I'd fucked up, twice now. I wouldn't leave it up to fate to prevent me from permanently damaging this. I would do everything now, this weekend, to reassure her that we _are_ two pieces of the same living, breathing soul and that we should never be apart.

I kissed her. Slowly at first, then my desire raged and my hand glided up and down her arm. Feeling her soft skin was like a euphoric high, a buzz, a state of calm and a rush all at the same time.

The slow maneuvering of our bodies came naturally until Bella was lying on top of me, my arms around her, our lips barely disconnecting.

Her breath came in short sharp pants, quivering and softly sighing in a distinct mesmerizing harmony. The sound, the weight of her body on top of me, made me dizzy.

My hands smoothed along her waist. Delicate beads and silky patches of lace produced the most maddening tactile sensation against my fingertips.

"You're beautiful." I whispered, as my hand skimmed the hemline of the dress. The texture changed from lumpy to silky smooth as my hand brushed over the curve of her thigh. My body was already alight with the intense physical desire to love her.

Bella stopped kissing me. She dipped her head to my chest. Her hair shielded her face and her fingers clenched my arms.

"You have to tell me what you're thinking." I tried to get her to look at me, but she shied away.

"Bella?" I prompted.

"He used to call me beautiful, every day. I'm afraid, Edward. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid that I'm too damaged, I'm not strong enough, and I'm not special enough to be worthy of you. I don't want you to want me just because you think I'm... the way I look. I want more than that. I want more than you do. I feel like you'll work it out, like you'll disappear."

"Bella, no. Now that I've found you; you won't be able to get rid of me." My hands cupped her jaw as I gently guided her to look at me. "We're meant to be together...you _are_ beautiful. I want you because I'm in love with you. I'm in love with the girl that sat with me and opened her soul to me in the bar. Who brought me Australian desserts and made me CD's of her favorite music. The girl that took me to Laurent's, I'm in love with her, with _you_. You really don't see yourself clearly at all. You're everything to me; you're _everything_." I brushed my lips over hers.

It seemed like the perfect time to tell her about Alice's gift—Alice's dream about my soul mate. I could _make_ Bella believe.

_Or scare her away._

We stared at each other. I wasn't sure what to do.

_Tell her. _

_No, it's too soon._

Suddenly I remembered a conversation I had years ago with Alice. She'd been with Jasper almost a year. They were so clingy with each other, still. I'd made her accompany me as my guest to my first movie premier. I wanted time with my sister. I'd missed her.

_'When you meet your soul mate, Edward, you'll experience the most mind blowing sensations. It's so hard to describe. It's like they become your world. The desire, the love the thrill of that first kiss, it stays. Like the moment is frozen. You'll never grow tired of her; you'll never feel staid familiarity no matter how long you've been together. It will be like the first time every time; the heart palpitations, the adrenaline rush the dizzying, spinning euphoria of love.'_

At the time, I'd dismissed it. I couldn't comprehend it. To me, Alice was simply head over heels in love with Jasper and he felt the same way for her. I hadn't known at the time that Alice had to suffer four uneasy months without him, _without her soul mate_.

"Your ex is a complete dick for hurting you. I'm not going anywhere. I couldn't, you _own_ me, Bella."

I couldn't be too cocky. I couldn't fuck this up again.

Bella looked to my lips. I could feel it building. I could sense it. When her mouth opened slowly and she licked her lips, I was gone. Consumed by an overwhelming frenzy of lust. My lips and tongue were on her in an instant as I held her.

She kissed me back.

I kissed Bella and I believed. We'd grow old together; we'd always feel this. There would be no one else for us, nothing that we'd want more than to be together.

Time, the word was so simple. My perception of time and space and motion, would be skewed from now on. Bella's toast, when we sat in the VIP bar, the one I'd quoted when I sang to her earlier. It wasn't correct.

_'...the song that defines the place that we occupy right now. Everything will change around us, we will change, but the words and the music will never alter._'

Yes, we would change and grow, but not when it came to our love. It would not alter, like the words and music to _Episode_, it would be frozen in the same state of bliss, newness everyday that would never fade or be taken for granted.

_Bella is the words._

_I am the music._

_Together we form the perfect balance and that won't change._

Bella's admission that she thought writing the lyrics was '_a psychotic episode, whilst drunk and suffering from exhaustion'. _I knew differently.

The thought that I could have left the bar that night and never saw her again made my stomach drop with dread.

_Fate stepped in, time, the universe, shit I don't know, but something happened to ensure we met. _

We were breathless, and our bodies were writhing in a blissful rhythm. I pulled back to look at her. When her eyes took in my face, she scrambled away from me.

_She knows I want her. She's not ready yet?_

"You can't do that to me. We need to talk some more. I lose my mind every time you touch or kiss me. I can't think straight. There is more I need to say, to ask," she said.

She had no idea of my epiphany.

"Ask me anything," I said in a lust-affected growl.

She scrambled to the other side of the sofa and pulled her bare knees up to her chest. I saw a flash of her white underwear and had to close my eyes and will myself to calm down.

_Fuck, I am that hungry mountain lion that wants to devour her._

"What happens when you stop filming? What happens to...us, when you leave Vancouver? Will you...want to see me again? Will you still want to be my..._boyfriend_?"

Her voice snapped me out of my enforced stillness. I slowly sat up.

Once again, I couldn't believe I hadn't verbalized the image of our future in my mind.

"Yes, Bella. I want everything with you. I want to meet Chief Swan officially, as your boyfriend. I can meet your mom when I start pre-production on Liam Berty's film. It's going to be filmed in Queensland. I want you with me. I want you to live with me in LA when I finish filming here. I want you to come to London with me in January when I start filming my next movie. I don't want us to be apart."

She looked stunned.

"You're going to be filming in Australia? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I haven't signed the contract yet. Why do you think I've been so excited about working on the film? I'll get to spend four months with you in Australia. I want to see where you grew up. I want to meet your mom and _Phil_?"

She nodded at me. Her lips looked pale.

"What is it?" I asked. I didn't move towards her, even though my body felt compelled to. She was right about 'losing our minds' and our focus when we were touching and kissing.

"I just, the book, you never showed me the script. I thought..._never mind_."

We sat in silence.

I could tell her mind was processing things. I didn't break the silence, but I needed to feel her skin. I tentatively reached out to touch her ankle, and I pulled it towards me and placed her dainty foot on my lap.

She sighed and stretched her other leg out. The arches of her feet touched my thigh. That pulsing electrical charge seemed to radiate from every part of her skin. The feel of it was highly arousing. Her long creamy legs were in plain sight. My fingers danced over her skin. I wanted to run my hands up and down her legs, but I forced myself to stop.

"I need to ask you something," she said.

I looked over to her. She was clutching the hem of the dress, her fingers clenching the fabric, turning her knuckles white.

"When I was at the location today, after Emmett showed me around, Rosalie Hale spoke to me."

_What_? _Shit__!_

"What did she say?" I asked, panicked.

Bella looked uncomfortable. "She didn't say anything that really made sense to me, but she implied that she wanted something, and that she would do anything to get it. What does she want? Does she want _you_? Is that why she came to your hotel room that night?"

Bella's eyes glistened with tears. I moved to comfort her, but she pulled one of her legs out of my soft hold and thrust it against my chest to restrain me.

"Please, just tell me. The photograph's, the hatred she shows me, is it because she wants you?"

I gripped Bella's ankle and held her foot against my body. "No, she doesn't even _like_ me. It's not me that she wants. She has some twisted bodyguard fantasy. She wants me to fire Emmett, so she can sink her teeth into him. I'm sorry you had to suffer that. She's just so...God, I'm so tired of her games."

"She wants Emmett? What does he think about that?"

I curled my hand around her foot and squeezed, pressing my thumb into her arch, slowly massaging.

"I haven't told him. He knows what she's like, he wouldn't be interested and it would be _awkward_." I said as touched her.

"I think you're wrong. I think he has feelings for her." Bella's voice was soft and when I looked up, she was biting her lip again as she stared at my hand. I watched as her eyes rolled back, her teeth let go of her lip and she tilted her head back. Her chest rose and fell. She was affected by my touch as much as I was affected by hers.

"Is that what she was talking about that night she barged into your room?" she asked in a breathy whisper.

"Yes. I told Rosalie I couldn't fire Emmett because I didn't hire him, the studio did. He's on a contract with them, not me. I told her I wouldn't help her _get him_. The fact that she even expects me to, makes me livid."

My eyes travelled over Bella's body to the shapely curve of her pale throat. I was so uncomfortably hard. I looked down to the floor to see the red shoes she'd worn earlier. My perverted mind flashed me images of Bella wearing them and nothing else.

_I want her._

Both of my hands started massaging her foot then. I was no expert, but touching any part of her body was addictive. She wiggled her toes, so I started pulling at them. I had an overwhelming desire to kiss and lick her souls of her feet.

I didn't.

I was fast descending back into that thick, lustful fog. I needed to keep her talking to distract me.

"Who's Kate?" I asked. My voice sounded an octave lower. I was contemplating pushing her foot against my groin to show her what touching her did to my body.

"The night I went to Forks, the night Rosalie...Mike the concierge booked me into the B&B, which is the main house you would have walked through to get here."

Emmett had actually guided me through a side security gate and past a swimming pool to this secluded house. It was more contemporary than it looked from the outside. The main house I saw was two stories. _That must be the Bed & Breakfast.__  
_  
"I met Kate and her husband, Garrett. They're managing the place while the owners are away. Kate is Australian and Garrett works at the hotel restaurant. We became friends. She's so lovely, they both are." Bella sounded excited and happy when she mentioned Kate.

"Kate knows about you, I mean, she knows what I feel for you. She came to the club with me. She saw what happened to Bree as well. It was her idea to let us stay here, so we could...talk."

I stared at Bella, her head still tipped back. She flexed her hand and I watched as she ran her fingers down to her knee and back up.

_Fuck this. _

Instantly I was lifting her calf over my hip and sliding my body in between her legs on the sofa. She raised her head, panicked. I hovered over her.

I slid my hand over the creamy skin of the thigh and around to her ass. Pulling her towards me, lowering myself to her, on top of her.

"_I want you._"

I kissed her. When her hands grabbed my biceps and she kissed me back, I didn't restrain myself any longer. I pushed my hips forward and settled myself against the warmth between her legs. I scooped my arms underneath her shoulders and continued the soft, maddening torture of kissing her slowly, even though my body wanted to ravage. Being even this close to her still wasn't enough. I spoke while I continued to move my mouth over her cheek, her neck, and back to her lips.

"My life is in the public eye, but I don't want to share you with anyone, except our families and friends; I want you all to myself. I feel like I'm asking a lot. You'd need to give up a lot to be with me and I'm not giving up anything." I couldn't help but rock into her as she tugged on my hair gently.

"Let me into that brain of yours. Tell me exactly what you want, everything you want Bella; it's yours."

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

"I want you. I want to make love to you."

Telling Edward what I wanted felt right. It didn't feel like I was coercing him. I didn't think I'd ever need to throw myself at him to _make_ him love me, and that was the distinct difference between Edward and my EX-boyfriend.

Edward kissed me passionately. His arms pulled me tighter and he rocked his hips. I could feel his desire for me. I felt relieved and elated that he was initiating it.

His hands were everywhere then. Groping, rubbing, he was moaning into my mouth as he kissed me. It was overwhelming and exhilarating.

"Yes, Edward." I breathed out, a long billowing sigh right into his face.

_He's leading this! He wants me._

I let myself revel in it and I kissed Edward back with as much passion and love as I could physically express. I think I even whimpered at the intensity of my emotions.

My fingers pawed at his blue plaid shirt and I could feel my face flame at the recollection of our time at the cabin. My heart thundered in my chest.

_I'm going to feel him, all of him. Merge our bodies and have him... inside. We have protection this time!_

The fourteen-year-old girl inside me was giddy, elated and yet somewhat nervous.

I pushed her to the recesses of my crazy mind.

_I'm a grown woman who is in love and my boyfriend and I are going to express that love intimately. _

_Edward, Edward, Edward._

"Do you want me to stop?"

_What_?

Edward had pulled away from me and was staring at me with a look of concern and flaring nostrils.

"No, I want you, please," I said desperately, clutching his shirt as he pulled back further. My confusion spiked.

"We don't have to. I don't want you to think I'm like..._him_. I want more than..."

_No! What did I do to make him stop? Edward is comparing himself to Riley now? _

"Please don't reject me again tonight. I can't take it!" I said with anguish.

"Bella, it's not rejection. We don't have to, right now. There's no rush."

It was like all my fears come to life. I wanted him to move us forward, and it felt like he wasn't going to. I had promised myself I would never throw myself at a man again, but his actions and what he was saying didn't marry. I was desperate for him. I thought he felt the same.

_He said at the cabin that he wouldn't make love to me until I believed that he loved me! _

"I love you. I know you love me. I feel it. We're not _working_ together. The song is out of the equation, so your rule is obsolete. You said when we were at the cabin that you _would_ make love to me when I believed how much you love me. I've made a mess trying to figure this all out. You said I own your soul? Well if I do, then you _own_ mine. I love you. Please, Edward. Kiss me. Make _love to me_. I want to entwine myself in you."

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

It killed me.

My inability to take some responsibility and to posses even an ounce of forethought. My stupidity.

_Why in the hell didn't I put one condom into my wallet? Like a normal guy?_

Here I was trying to convince Bella that we are meant to be together, in _every_ way and then I remember that the condoms I made Emmett buy me, were in my overnight bag, back in Bella's room at the hotel.

_She thinks I'm rejecting her, again._

"I want you so badly, but I'm not prepared. I left the condoms in my overnight bag. I don't have any with me. I'm such a fucking idiot!"

Bella kissed me, even more voraciously and my body went slack with helplessness as I melted into her.

Before I could summon the strength to pull away completely, Bella's words sunk in.

"I brought your bag with me and I have condoms," she moaned and pulled me even closer to her. "Does that change your mind? Do you still want to wait?" she said with a shaky and lust-infused voice.

_Jesus_. "No, no waiting. I want you right now. I love you. Where the fuck is the bedroom?"

I was suddenly elated.

Bella loves me, wants to be with me and we have protection. We'd talked we'd cleared things up. There was nothing to stop us except...

_Alice's dream. I haven't told her._

Did it matter? If someone told me that Bella wasn't my soul mate, that there was no way to prove such a thing even existed, would it change the way I feel about her?

_No, it wouldn't. _

I would have fallen in love with Bella regardless of Alice's premonition.

_Once I make love to Bella, she'll feel everything I do. Alice's 'dream' would just be a funny story Bella and I would tell to our grandchildren one day._

I pushed one of my hands against the sofa seat and the other pulled Bella towards me as I backed up to get my feet on the floor to stand.

Every fiber of my being wanted her, fast and passionate. My body wanted to give in to this urgency.

I knew it wouldn't take me long to recover, I could love Bella perpetually all weekend. Suddenly three boxes of condoms didn't seem excessive.

When I was standing I slid my hands down to grab at the hem of her tight dress. I peeled it up over her hips and then reached to pull her up into my arms, like I had at the cabin. I could feel the heat of her through my jeans as she wrapped her bare legs around me. Our mutual breathlessness from frantically kissing had us both panting.

"Which way?" I grunted like a caveman.

"Endofthehall," Bella said as one word, then attached her lips back to mine.

I stumbled around the sofa, walking sideways so I could see where I was going.

The ache grew; the anticipation was animalistic and feverish.

Everything was pretty much a blissful blur until we were in the bedroom. I slowly lowered Bella's heavenly legs to the floor.

Both our bags were at our feet.

I briefly took in the room, smiling widely. It wasn't as rustic as the bedroom at the cabin, but it still had that homey feel that seemed cozier than the stark blandness of the hotel. There were glass doors opening to a water fountain and a light breeze blew in. The faintest awareness that I could hear Debussy playing made it even more sublime.

It was perfect.

I looked back to Bella and she was biting her bottom lip.

"You're perfect," I said without thinking.

Her eyes closed, her brow furrowed.

"Bella."

"Nobody's perfect." she said softly. "But we're perfect, together."

~0~

**A/N: *****silently wishes that I could read your minds***** I'm not that talented…so maybe you can leave me a review to tell me what you're thinking and feeling? Luv BBxx**


	41. Unison

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

_**From Chapter 40 - Rhapsody...**_

_"You're perfect," I said without thinking._

_Her eyes closed, her brow furrowed._

_"Bella."_

_"Nobody's perfect." she said softly. "But we're perfect, together."_

**~~Edward~~**

"You're...everything I've ever wanted. I want to be everything for you. I want, everything _with_ you." I tried to keep calm. I wanted to be in control. I wanted to sweep her off her feet, but I was intoxicated by her; just like I'd been at the cabin.

I knew Bella loved me. Being with her felt overwhelming and I was anxious and desperate. I _wanted_ perfection. The atmosphere of this house, and the way Bella's body responded to me, _was_ prefect. It was my confidence that was shot to pieces, not to mention my pride. I knew I couldn't live up to the hype of '_Edward Cullen'_, movie star sex symbol. I wanted to be myself with Bella, but a huge part of me wanted to be _that guy_, the one that _would_ sweep her off her feet, make her swoon and pleasure her so thoroughly that all thoughts of her ex would be wiped away forever.

I was too ambitious; the fact was I wanted to calm myself enough to make sure I could last longer than a few minutes, knowing how quickly she made me lose control just with her mouth and hand.

Internally, I was judging my performance before I'd even taken her clothes off.

I was terrified with nerves and experiencing a pulsing rush of desperation, yet I was elated, happy—more than happy—ecstatic, and everything seemed conflicting and surreal and yet, so _perfect_.

I was wrapped up in the emotion and sensation of the feel of her, the soft warmth of her skin.

Images of us at the cabin kept bombarding me: the remembrance of the pleasure, the intense exhilaration of helping her climax, the taste of her on my tongue, the look on her face when she had me in her mouth, the rush I'd felt when we were in the shower and I nearly—

Bella touched my face, grounding me in the present.

_I need you. I want you! I'm not going to ruin this moment, this moment when I give and show you my love._

_I'll never want anyone but you. I love you, I need to feel you._

"I love you," I whispered.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

Edward whispered into my ear, sending a rippling shiver up my spine and over my scalp.

Then he kissed me and it wasn't soft or chaste. It was deep and passionate and made my toes—that were supporting all my weight as I reached up to him—tingle and grip the soft wool carpet.

Edward's hands were running up and down my back. There was urgency to his touch; it was pure desperation. I sensed that he was more than ready to make love to me.

_No, not make love. It would be fast and carnal._

Kate was right; Edward and I were going to _fuck_.

Everything between us had built up to this point, and the zinging through my body told me that I didn't want to take it slow. The first time with Edward would be frantic and blissful and desperate, just like our need to understand each other. There was nothing stopping us now, and I believed that we could make our relationship work, regardless of his Hollywood career and the barriers _my_ mind had erected as an insurance policy so I wouldn't get hurt again.

My fingers combed one more time through Edward's hair at the nape of his neck and then dragged down to unbutton his shirt.

I could feel the firmness of his chest, rising and falling with labored breath. His skin was warm and damp. My mind flashed me the scene of Edward sitting at the keyboard in the club, the spotlight shining down on him, while he sang our song.

He was sweaty and urgent. His fingers seemed to be trying to grip my dress, as I fumbled to get his buttons undone.

He stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes.

"_Bella_," he moaned. "I'm not gonna last long the first time. It'll be quick," he breathed out heavily against my face, "and then we can take it slow, _all weekend_."

His words made my heart beat triple time. The smile that erupted from me hurt my cheeks.

"Yes."

It was all I could say and all I needed to say.

Edward's hands lowered over my bum. He pulled me closer, whilst simultaneously trying to peel my dress up, but it was so form-fitting that he couldn't get it over my ribs.

I realized how delicate the fabric was, and even though I thought there would be nothing more arousing than Edward ripping it roughly from my body, I knew I would regret damaging it.

"Zipper at the side," I panted, as I continued to force the buttons through the buttonholes on his shirt.

_God, I love this shirt._

When I had freed all buttons, I stepped back and raised my left arm. Edward's fingers were pawing at the zipper frantically.

I looked to his face. Even in the dim light he looked manic and wild and a little bit scary.

"Edward?" My hand touched his jaw. "Are you OK?"

He looked into my eyes then.

"_No_, I need this off you, _now_," he said with a croaky voice.

I placed my hand over his to find the zipper. Edward's fingers were shaking, quaking, vibrating.

"You're shaking," I stated in a whisper.

_He's nervous?_

_Of course he is...he said it would be quick. Apart from our intimacy at the cabin, he's not been with anyone else like this since he split up with his girlfriend two years ago!_

The emotion hit me in the chest.

Edward was so desperate for me, so anxious and wanting that his body was reacting like a junkie needing a fix.

_I am Edward's fix._

_He wants me. He loves me and this feels so right._

I yanked down the zipper then, and he helped me to lift the dress over my head. A tangle of my hair got caught on the beading and I couldn't help but flinch and squeak from the pain.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Edward chanted.

I set my hair free and looked at him, as I dropped the dress at our feet.

"_Edward_," I reassured him, as I reached up to gently glide my fingers over his jaw. "_Kiss me_."

His lips touched mine and instantly I could feel how much restraint he was placing on himself. I wanted to ease some of his tension. We were so wound up, and my mind was spinning with everything we talked about.

I was ready, he was ready, but there seemed to be something that was missing, something unsaid. I had no mental capacity to reflect. The adrenaline coursing through my veins was like a rush that was so overpowering; I couldn't even place myself consciously in the room. My eyes, my hands and my mind, could only focus on Edward and the way he was reacting to my touch and the look of love and need on his face.

I trailed my hands to push the shirt from his shoulders and then I reached around to unlatch my bra. Pure relief when I peeled the satin away from my breasts, that ached to feel Edward's touch. My hands were suddenly struggling with the button-fly of his jeans.

We didn't stop kissing. I was pulsing with need and love and emotion. Edward's kisses were on fire with lust, and blissfully audible as he sucked my lips and breathed heavily. His breath was quivering like his hands as he trailed the backs of his fingers over my waist. I broke out in goose bumps again and moaned with frustration.

I felt dizzy and panicked. I was so desperate and yearning to connect with him.

I pushed his jeans and boxers down and without warning I simply reached to hold him in my hands.

"_Bella_! Jesus!" he grunted and instinctively thrust his hips forward.

Silken and so very hard; the thought of him being inside me _now_ was all I wanted. I reluctantly let go of him so I could shimmy out of my undies.

Edward stepped on the heel of one of his shoes to try and get out of them, his jeans still around his ankles. He lost his balance and fell back with an '_Unf_' sound onto the bed.

He tried to sit up, but the vision of him half dressed, erect and lying down, was a vision I needed to absorb. I bent over him to put both of my hands on his thighs. Edward was panting and staring at my breasts.

My firm hold held him to the bed as my eyes devoured his nakedness.

I'd seen Edward naked before. It felt like I'd touched every inch of his skin. But there was something that I hadn't done, something that I'd dreamed about since we met. My eyes scoured his stomach and chest. I needed my tongue to caress every one of Edward's moles and freckles, starting with the first one I could see. Right there, about ten centimeters up from his belly button, just a little bit to the right.

I didn't hesitate. I kissed and licked gently, tasting the sweat on his skin. I wanted to be able to lick his freckles right off his body.

"_Jesus_, please Bella," whispered Edward, but instead of sounding like a chastisement, it sounded more like an invitation to continue.

His hands brushed my hair away from my face. He'd lifted his head from the bed to watch me. I saw movement. Edward's erection was straining away from his stomach and right towards me.

I couldn't help but stare. He was so exceptionally beautiful. I lowered my body so my breasts rested against his skin and concentrated on the soft sounds coming from Edward; they were insanely arousing.

I couldn't stifle the euphoric smile on my face. In that instant, I wanted to slowly glide down and take him into my mouth. But I wanted him inside me more.

I kissed softly against the freckle that I knew would be there for me to explore another time, and I slowly pulled my body and head back. My hair slipped from his fingers, but he held his hand stationary, his chest seemed to rise and fall more quickly than before.

_He needs me now. I need him._

I knelt down on the floor and took off his other shoe and both his socks, then slowly dragged his boxers and jeans off together.

Kneeling at the foot of the bed seemed like experiencing déjà vu. I recalled the night I'd removed Edward's shoes after I'd taken him back to his hotel room; the night he'd sung _Episode_ to me at Laurent's.

But this time, Edward wasn't drunk.

This time, I _knew_ he loved me and he knew I was in love with him.

_I can't even fathom Edward not being a part of my life now._

That night at Laurent's seemed like eons ago, but it had only been two and a half weeks!

I felt a breeze blow in from the open doors and the coolness snapped me out of my lust-induced recollection.

I slowly stood and looked down to him. He lay with his head flat on the mattress. He was looking at me intently. I thought he was about to say something, but he simply gazed at my face adoringly.

_I love you_.

His chest was heaving, his naked form on the bed, the most surreal vision I'd seen in my life, because he _wanted_ me. He wasn't trying to talk me out of it. He wasn't telling me we should wait. He couldn't disguise his expression; it was so readable. He needs me, just as much as I need him. It made the ache I felt for him intensify.

His hand reached for me.

"_Bella_."

Desire, love and reverence.

I couldn't wait, and yet, I was suddenly conscious that the doors were wide open, and I didn't want to tempt fate.

I walked briskly to close them, and pull the curtains across. I hurried back to the bed, opened the bedside table drawer and took the matches out; lighting one candle before grabbing and hastily tearing one foil packet loose from the strip.

Edward shuffled to the top of the bed, throwing the pillows to the floor and pulling on my wrist desperately.

His shaking fingers took the condom from me. I guessed he was too aroused to have me do it.

I simply knelt on the bed and watched; biting my lip the whole time as he pinched the tip and his dexterous, yet shaking fingers rolled it on. I thought my heart was beating so fast that it would punch a hole in my chest.

"Bella," he croaked.

I didn't speak; I just touched his chest and lay on the bed next to him. My hands needed to roam; his jaw, his neck, his hair. I was suddenly aware that my nervousness had dissipated. There was nothing like this feeling, the feeling of being admired, no barrier of clothing, no secrets or misgivings. Just two people that were in love and needed to express that love physically.

I understood now. I could understand everything that Edward was feeling, because we seemed in that instant to be at the exact same place, mentally and emotionally.

Our caress would speak louder than any words, or promises.

Edward kissed me deeply and I rolled to lay flat on my back on the large bed; pulling him down to me with my hands on the back of his neck. The anticipation of him was almost too much to bear. When I felt his knees push my legs apart, everything seemed to slow down.

Time didn't exist. There was just a moment when the look on his face and the presence of his body encompassed all my vision and it was like there didn't need to be anything else _ever_. I would only ever need him. Nothing else mattered; just me and Edward.

He scooped one arm under the small of my back and then I felt him nudge roughly and impatiently. His chest brushed my nipples. His jaw was flexed tightly and he looked feral and alive and his eyes were burning with intensity and concentration, then...he lowered and pushed his body forward.

Words cannot describe.

Edward's body merged with mine in one long, measured thrust.

We both grunt-sighed and absorbed the feeling of each other.

Edward kissed me and instantly started to move. He moaned and then moved his lips from mine and pushed his open mouth against my neck. I couldn't think about anything except the sensations flowing through my body. My hands smoothing up and down his back and reaching to try and grab his beautiful bum.

Edward was firm and rough; filling me in a smooth, steady rhythm.

He whispered words into my neck, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. All I could do was lose myself in the feeling.

I was surrounded by Edward: the aroma of his faded cologne and his sweat, the thumping of his heart and his heaving breath, his skin touching mine, sending shock waves through my body.

I tried to concentrate on one emotion, but everything, every sensation combined to overwhelm me.

I kissed his jaw and my hands glided up to run through his hair.

Then he looked at me. Not fleetingly, but intensely, staring into my eyes.

"Bella, I..."

He didn't need to say the words. I could feel it. I kind of knew I'd always feel his love, and he would always feel my love for him.

And then the hand he had sandwiched between my back and the mattress moved down to my tailbone, squeezing my bum as he shifted his body up towards the head of the bed and kind of lifted me at the same time. The sensation became sublime.

"_I love you_," he whispered.

I was overwhelmed and lost. Edward was making love to me. The steady, sensual rhythm belied our desperation.

"Ed-ward..." I was literally out of breath. I couldn't verbalize. He was pushing on the one place I knew would make me explode.

I wanted him to keep the grip he had on me, and his steady rhythm. My eyes sunk closed, yet I could still see the red flickering light from the candle through my eyelids. I couldn't hear anything except mine and Edward's heavy breathing and sounds of pleasure. The constant unwavering action of his thrusts were sublime and what he was doing was going to...

My lips found his jaw as I came; physically shuddering as wave after wave of sensation rippled through me. I wasn't even mortified at the sound that erupted from me.

"_Urgh_, Bel-la," Edward groaned and his body stilled for a second and then he continued his thrust.

I could feel the thumping of his heart against my chest as he collapsed on me and I could feel my own heart pounding as I pulled him tighter.

I was in ecstasy. I let the feeling linger. I was panting and my cheeks hurt from the smile that I couldn't stifle.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. _Edward_."

I kissed his jaw and ran my hands over his back, up and down. I was euphoric and dizzy and alive and happy. Adrenaline rushed through me with the aftershocks of the most satisfying orgasm of my life. I was so blissfully happy. I felt the tears. I squeezed my eyes shut to expel them.

My mind felt clear for the first time in three years. Like someone cleaned the glass and the clarity was glistening as everything fell into place.

_Soul mates? Is this what Edward meant when he said we were twin-souls? _

"Bella, _love_," he panted.

Edward kissed me passionately. His hand left my bum and was suddenly against my cheek.

He felt the tears. He brushed them away with his hand.

He looked panicked when he pulled back to look at me. The candlelight flickered and cast a beautiful warm luminance over his face. He looked so young and I realized it was because the lines on his forehead—the ones that always appeared when he was anxious—had faded. Yet, I could see confusion in his eyes.

"I'm so happy," I reassured him and touched my fingers to his sensual mouth. "I don't know how to explain. It feels almost _spiritual_ being with you. I don't want to be without you."

"_Bella_..."

Our lips touched. It was soft, yet with the thrill of our fast breaths and pounding hearts.

Edward's lips worshipped mine. The way he sucked in a breath with the kiss, and the erotic wet sound of it, sent that zinging pleasure through my entire body.

"Bella," he said when he pulled back from the kiss. "I need you to...remember this. If you see a photograph of me, if you read something you know isn't true. _Please_, think of this moment. Know that I love you and we're meant to be together. We were always meant to be..._Please_."

I blinked more tears away and smiled, pulling him back to me, to continue kissing, silently communicating that I understood. I'd never doubt his love. I was going to revel in it and feed it until the day my heart stopped beating.

Somehow I knew that it would always be like this.

The moment was bliss.

Our kisses seemed endless.

Then Edward shifted and I felt his hand lower between us, gently touching and sending an erotic shiver of goose bumps over me.

He gripped the base of the condom as he pulled out of me, but didn't break away from our kiss until my body had adjusted to him no longer being inside.

"Let me get rid of this," he whispered against my lips. "Don't move; I'll be right back."

I watched Edward raise himself off the bed and turn to walk into the ensuite bathroom. I stared at his gorgeous bum, he curve of his back, his strong thighs.

_How can I be this blessed?_

I was in a dizzy post-orgasmic haze. I could still feel impressions of him on my skin.

I lazily rolled onto my stomach.

My body was exhausted, but my mind was running a mile a minute.

_Did we talk about everything? Was there more to say, or was everything out in the open now? _

I closed my eyes and brought my hand up to my breast.

_Edward just made love to me! _

I was ecstatic and girlie and so very high on the feelings of love and connectedness that I felt with Edward.

I wanted to scream out at the top of my lungs. I wanted to shout out the window, "I LOVE EDWARD CULLEN!" like a crazed fan-girl, like a giddy fourteen year old. Instead, I had to internalize this mania, and try and reconcile it all in my psycho mind.

_He loves me. Me. Bella Swan. Isabella Marie Swan. _

My mind was still trying to comprehend it.

I breathed in deeply, and absorbed the tingling all over my body. The crisp, fresh sheets stuck to the sweat on my skin, my heart rate slowed to a normal rhythm.

"Hey," said Edward as he lay next to me on the bed. He pulled my naked body to his, kissing me, whilst caressing my back and encompassing me in his warmth.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I felt hypnotized; punch drunk.

I pulled Bella close; rapture rushing through my body. There was emptiness inside me that I could feel fading. It disappeared; it completely vanished.

I would give her everything, be anything for her. There's nothing like us together. Nothing could compare.

In the short time I'd known her, Bella Swan had easily and elegantly torn my world apart.

I felt her hand touch to my jaw.

"Are you OK?" she asked.

I breathed in deeply. I'd panicked before. Worked myself up into a state of confusion and… none of that mattered now.

"Yes, better than OK."

I slipped my body down the bed, so I could look into her eyes.

"I knew it would be…_amazing_ with you. It was a million times better—"

Bella silenced me with her lips, kissing me passionately. She pushed my shoulder, forcing me to roll onto my back. Our bodies just seemed to fit together in perfect alignment. The warmth and floral smell of her saturated my being.

"_Nothing_, can equal this," she half-whispered, half-moaned into my mouth.

Her petite, hot hand started running down my arm, trailing a fire that stirred in the pit of my stomach.

"I'm still _burning_ for you," she whispered.

Her touch, her words, sparked my desire.

Bella's fingers danced lightly from my arm to my hip, and then _I_ was instantly burning to have her. The air in the room was suddenly stifling.

I rolled, pressing her underneath me, reluctantly breaking away from the kiss as I reached to open the drawer. I fumbled for the row of condoms, inadvertently pushing my dick into her hip and lining up my shoulder with her lips.

"_Yes_," she said softly.

Then Bella's tongue was swirling over my skin as she kissed, licked and sucked my sweaty shoulder.

"_Shower_," I moaned, gripping the condoms firmly in my hand. Her tongue on my shoulder was simply too erotic, driving me insane. I pulled back, dizzy and needy.

In a blur of soft, pale skin and desperate hands, Bella was climbing off the bed and pulling me with her towards the bathroom.

Somehow we managed to turn on the water, still kissing passionately whilst standing in the pitch dark.

I flicked on the light. The sting of the brightness, made me flinch, until my eyes adjusted and I looked to Bella's face.

Her makeup had smeared under her eyes, her hair was in silken tangles and her lips were a vibrant red, puffy and wet from me sucking on them feverishly.

I backed her into the shower. I was desperate to remember this moment; the tenderness of her touch, the look on her face. She was so right—_nothing_ could equal the bliss that I felt.

My wet hands smeared soap over smooth skin and firm breasts. I took a fresh facecloth and gently wiped most of Bella's makeup off, intermittently kissing her cheek, her ear, her shoulder.

Our bodies moved naturally, until I was holding her ass, as I pressed her back up against the tiled wall, her heavenly legs wrapped around me. My body was screaming for hers.

I realized I'd dropped the row of condoms on the floor…

Bella wriggled, pressing herself firmly against me, nodding and contracting her thighs around my hips.

I tried to dismiss what I thought she was soundlessly implying.

I shook my head 'No'.

"_Please?_"

_Please don't beg me._

"Just for a moment. I need to feel _all_ of you," she said in a breathless whisper.

I was incredulous and yet aching to give her what she wanted.

"_No_. You know I won't be able to stop," I said, my voice sounded pained.

"I trust you," she said.

I was blown away by her statement, because she did. Her trust and faith in me was written all over her face.

I was a man of flesh and blood and I couldn't deny what I wanted.

_Find the will to stop! _

I pushed against her, my body instantly feeling her warmth, her welcoming heat.

I gave in to my instincts; passion rushing through my veins. Slowly and steadily our bodies joined, without the barrier of latex.

In that instant, Bella owned my soul. My heart was in the palm of her hand. If there was ever a slither of doubt that she was not my soul mate, it just evaporated with wetness and heat and pressure and pleasure.

"_Arghhhhh, Edward I_…_"_

My eyes flashed opened as I watched her. She'd forced her hands in between us to touch herself. Her eyes half-closed, her teeth sunk into her bottom lip.

_Jesus fucking Christ!_

I barely thrust all the way in and Bella's body was shaking and pulsing with her orgasm.

I pushed in fully and instantly knew I couldn't take the chance; her reaction to me felt like nothing else.

My willpower seemed non-existent. I thrust twice and then pulled out so quickly it made my head-spin.

Bella's legs dropped down as I pressed my mouth on her shoulder and tugged myself, almost violently. The shooting pleasure careened out of me with so much force, my knees buckled.

Bella's wet lips pressed against my ear. "_Soul mates_," she panted.

We held each other so tightly it almost hurt.

Now I knew I had experienced it, and my life would never be the same again.

_Perfection_.

~0~

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting…if you're still here, say 'Hi' by hitting that _Review this Chapter_ link and let me know what you think?**

**I haven't been receiving fanfiction story alerts, so fingers crossed this works!**

**Luv BBxx**


	42. Addendum

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**WARNING**: If you hate cliff hangers, if you are reading on a mobile device, if you never wanted to or got around to reading '_Ellipsis_' the outtake chapter to this story (linked from my profile), then I highly advise that you **do** **not** proceed until the next chapter has posted. Most of you will instantly guess the reason for this warning, and understand. Some of you, I assume, will freak the fuck out and hate me. If you need reassurance, find me on Twitter **BoydBlog**. I thank all readers that are still with me, and welcome the new ones! A special 'shout out' goes to mpg for providing valuable feedback on this chapter.

Luv BBxx

~0~

**addendum **_(əˈdɛndəm)_

— _**n**____ , __pl __**–da**_

1. something added; an addition

2. a supplement or appendix to a book, etc

[from Latin, literally: a thing to be added, neuter gerundive of _addere_ to add]

**~~Riley~~**

I checked my inbox methodically. My daily routine seemed to be on constant repeat. The stack of opened mail on my desk annoyed the shit out of me. Another day without any contact from Bella caused a dull ache to radiate in my temples.

The knock on my office door barely registered before Victoria breezed in. I sensed her unease as she approached my desk; she couldn't even make eye contact.

"Hi," she said. "I got you a coffee from downstairs."

I watched as she placed the coffee cup on the edge of my desk, followed by today's copy of _The Australian _and an environmental report.

"Thanks." I said with little politeness. I didn't feel like interacting with anyone, especially Victoria.

"I've booked my flights, so I wanted to let you know; I'll stay until Friday to make sure everything is handed over. You can always call me if you have to. I've got some personal things to do today, so I'll see you tomorrow."

I didn't even say a word as she walked out. There wasn't anything left to say.

It was a relief that Victoria and I didn't need to deceive people any more. The death of her father meant that we didn't have to pretend we were together. I was finally free of the obligation to lie, and to live that lie every day. Yet, I wasn't as satisfied with that fact as I thought I would be, because Bella was still out of my reach.

I didn't want to feel this resentful. I was genuinely happy for Vic; she was finally getting what she always wanted. It wasn't her fault that I seemed to be in a holding pattern, while she got to move on with her life.

My hands glided over the edge of my desk. The smooth lacquer had become a daily reminder of the choices I'd made and the responsibilities I'd accepted. The feel of the cool, polished wood under my fingertips always took me back to where I really wanted to be.

_Bella's bedroom. My hands all over her silky smooth skin_.

_Three hellish years without her!_

I sat unmoving and looked out the floor-to-ceiling glass windows to the million-dollar view of Sydney Harbour. The beauty of the scene didn't affect me any more. I could look at it with a casual familiarity, like the inked pages of the financial section of the daily newspaper.

_This is not how I ever pictured my life. _

Yet everything had finally come together, day-after-day without Bella to get to _this_. I hoped that it wasn't all for nothing.

_Bella hasn't replied to my letters._

It had been _weeks_. Every day since I sent them had been slow torture. Every day that she didn't respond was like a tiny part of my unused heart dying in my chest.

_Fuck! I've turned into a melodramatic wanker._

I hadn't known until a week ago that Bella had won a writing residency and was living in Vancouver, Canada. That fact alone had appeased me, for a few days.

_Maybe she hasn't received the letters yet, because I'd sent them to her apartment?_

I recently discovered my mate from school—Austin Marks—was now dating _Jessica Stanley_, Bella's best friend. Austin told me Jessica was looking after Bella's place (and her cat), while she was in Canada.

I hoped that Jessica Stanley had the decency to forward the letters on. I couldn't remember if I'd written a return address on the back of the envelopes.

The situation just seemed so bizarre.

_Who would have thought that Jessica and Austin would have gotten together? _

As soon as that thought entered my head, I mentally chastised myself. _People would have said the same thing about Bella and me. _

My family hadn't known what I'd shared with Bella for three life-altering months back then, three years ago.

I couldn't tell them.

As far as the people in my life were concerned, I was in love with my High School girlfriend—Victoria Marshall—and Bella Swan was just a shy girl that used to have a crush on me at school.

Only Bella's friend Jessica and my '_girlfriend'_ Victoria knew that Bella and I had been in love_._

_I'm _still_ in love with her. Beautiful, selfless Bella Swan. How have I survived this long without you?_

Bella, like an angel, had appeared in that hospital room almost every day to read to me, inspire and encourage me to get better after the motorcycle…_accident_.

She looked at me with such awe and wonderment. It was all undeserved. There'd been a fifty percent chance that I'd be a paraplegic, yet she didn't seem to care. Most of my friends made excuses not to come and visit me at the hospital; seeing me immobile, helpless and weak wasn't something they looked forward to. Yet, Bella was there whenever she didn't have to be at a lecture. She looked at me as if I was some type of hero because I let her visit and talk to me! I didn't deserve any of her adoration after the way I practically ignored her all through High School. That was another of my many regrets.

Bella Swan had intrigued me ever since I saw her dancing at a party all those years ago. She was extremely pretty, but she never seemed conscious of it, not like the other girls at school. I remember feeling an overwhelming urge to be close to Bella that night, so I arranged a little game of the spin-the-bottle.

That kiss had stayed with me for months._ She'd tasted even better than she looked. _

Bella hadn't really paid me any attention before that party. It was only after I'd kissed her that she seemed to be around me more.

She would sit in the front row to watch me rehearse and perform in school plays. She'd be seated way up the back of the stands at every tennis tournament. Just seeing her there intrigued and perplexed me. It was like she wanted to be near me. It was like Bella understood me, because she was creative too. She never spoke to me, and would always look away and her face would go bright red whenever I made eye contact with her.

Bella Swan had a crush on me. It was extremely obvious, to _everyone_.

My mates used to tease me about it daily.

'_Bella bookworm is staring at you again, Riley.'_

'_Better not leave your Coke can there, Bella will steal it for the shrine she has of you in her garage!'_

I kept my mouth shut. I couldn't understand how those fucking wankers that I called my friends couldn't see how pretty and smart she was. I felt more connected to Bella Swan from the two kisses I tricked out of her, than I'd ever felt for any one, including Victoria.

If only I'd had the guts to tell them all to fuck the hell off. I should have. I should have dumped Victoria. Bella should have been my girlfriend back then.

I couldn't change things now, but I knew my life would have turned out completely differently if I hadn't allowed myself to be a victim of peer pressure; amongst the other shit that was going down in my life.

_And I fucking can't blame anyone but myself! _

School seemed like a lifetime ago because I'm now the Managing Director of my _ex-girlfriend's_ family-owned company.

I'd made the choice. I had to live with the good and the bad. Although I wished that I could step back in time. I would have done things differently. Yet what would I change? If I hadn't been in hospital, I never would have had the opportunity to be with Bella.

I'd been no use to her lying motionless and weak in a hospital bed though. I couldn't even walk unassisted. I needed to recover fully from my injuries. Bella became the motivation I needed to heal, and _to live_. It didn't matter that I'd been jaded and angry before the accident. After spending so much time with her, just talking and having her read to me, those negative thoughts just seemed to dissolve away.

I read a lot about depression during my recovery. I diagnosed myself. I accepted that I'd made a split-second decision the night of the accident. I had calculated the distance between the delivery van and my bike. I had ample time to slow down to let the van make the turn without incident.

_But I hadn't slowed down._

I didn't change my course or speed.

I let the calm of that decision dictate my actions. In those seconds, I was OK with dying. I remembered feeling relieved.

I had nothing to live for. I couldn't measure up to expectations. I thought it was easier to give up.

_No one would care._

When my eyes closed, I was sure they would never open again.

But I didn't die. Instead I woke to the concerned eyes of my mother, and no feeling from the waist down.

Then there was Bella.

Always smiling at me, looking at me with kind eyes and talking or reading to me in a soothing voice. She believed that I'd get better. She told me she just wanted to hang around me, that it was no big deal. She said she'd rather sit with me in that grey and sterile hospital room than at the library.

_Bella cared about me._

My injuries were bad, but lucky for me I was in the right hospital with the right surgeons and I'd been wearing quality protective gear.

I supposed that almost dying gave me some perspective. Bella Swan sure gave me a hell of a lot more than I ever gave her. She was the one person in my life that didn't expect anything of me, other than to be by my side and for me to work at getting better.

She made me _want_ to recover, so I could be the old version of myself–the one that didn't blow things out of proportion and didn't hold the weight of family expectations on his shoulders.

When I did recover, there was nothing in the world that could have stopped me from seeing Bella.

I thought she may have grown out of her crush; back then it had been six years since I kissed her at that party, and almost two years since we'd left High School. The desire to see her again helped me to deal with the daily stress of recovery. Every night I kept having dreams of Bella crying, telling me to get better, telling me to wake up because she had to _tell me_ she loved me.

Those dreams of her were preferable to the dreams and memories of the accident.

It took five months of rehabilitation. Every one of those days when I was back at home was excruciating. I almost wished I could have stayed in that bleak hospital, so she would continue to visit me.

Just remembering how it felt to touch her skin was almost restorative.

My intentions were initially innocent. Take Bella out to dinner, thank her and explain to her that she'd been the one light in my life that I could focus on to push through the pain.

Even back then, Victoria and I were 'boyfriend and girlfriend' in name only. We hadn't been _together_ since we were seventeen. The façade of our relationship was pretty solid in front of her parents and mine though. Truth be known, we were both struggling to come to terms with what we wanted to do with our lives and what our parents expected of us. 'The path of least resistance' goes the saying. We didn't have the strength to rock the boat.

So, Victoria decided she needed to travel. She told her parents she wanted to get the travel bug out of her system before she _settled down_. We thought it was a great plan, she'd go to 'find herself' and we'd officially split up when she got back, as if her worldly experience had shown her she'd outgrown me.

Taking Bella to dinner, as a friendly gesture, was all that I intended to do. I missed seeing her and talking to her. I knew I should wait until Victoria came back so we could officially break up to our families. But I didn't want to wait six months before I saw Bella again.

That date with Bella was more than I could have ever have imagined. I tried to act friendly and casual, and it kind of worked until I allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to hold her hand. And when actually holding her hand suddenly awoke all nerve endings in my body; that led to me visualizing kissing her, holding her.

I wasn't prepared when she literally threw herself at me, and begged me to touch her, to _make love_ to her. She kept saying she had loved me for so long.

The whole situation was like a fantasy come true. It was like everything fell into place.

Bella loved me, and I realized that I was in love with her too.

That night with Bella and the following morning was the happiest I'd ever been in my life. She wanted _me_. She needed me. She had so much love to give and she wanted me to have it. _Me_? It blew me away. She didn't want anything from me, except to be loved back.

_Why would I deny myself? Why would I hurt her with irrational rejection?_ I couldn't. I wanted Bella in my life.

_Her daily words, her gentle and addictive touch__—__  
_  
I stopped myself from recalling the sex.

It physically hurt to remember what we had; the passion and the contentment we felt. The fact was, I'd stomped on her heart and made her think that I didn't want or love her.

She wouldn't even talk to me, after she saw me with Victoria in the restaurant. I'd told her I was at a business meeting that night. I'd been caught out in a lie, and to Bella it would have seemed Victoria and I _were_ a couple; I could have won a fucking Logie for that performance!

What was profoundly devastating, was that Bella believed so easily that I would do that to her. She was strong when she needed to be, she seemed to accept the lie. She cut me off completely.

I found out some time later that she'd gone overseas, probably to visit her dad. She would be OK; she would take me back when I had sorted through the entire shit storm that was my life. She was so much stronger than I was.

The whole situation turned into such a fucking mess._ I_ was a mess. When I look back now, I knew I hadn't been thinking clearly. The perceived pressure that I was under seemed crushing at the time because I'd owed my parents a ridiculous amount of money. I had to pay them back and break free of my obligation.

After the accident—_no_, I should say after my recovery—my father hit the roof. My mum insisted on mortgaging the house and spending their life savings to get the best specialists. The Doctor's bills were obscene. My father made no secret of blaming me for not getting my own health insurance when I started university. My Visual Arts degree he considered a waste of time and a pointless indulgence. He said I would be better off getting a real trade, one that would ensure a stable future, _'Fuck creativity! That's not going to put food on the freaking table!' _his words made me angry and resentful. That anger turned to guilt. I _was_ responsible for their mounting debt, and I couldn't live with myself unless I paid back every last cent, with interest.

Mick Marshall, Victoria's father, had offered me a job at his company, so I could get back on my feet, literally.

He'd been an inspiration to me, a better man than my own father. My dad seemed to only value me for what money I could earn and not what I wanted to do, or the talent, passion and determination trying to burst out of my skin.

Victoria was an only child, she couldn't give a fuck about taking over the family business and Mick had lamented that it had been his fault she was so disinterested. He'd treated her like a princess from birth, giving her whatever she wanted. She turned out to be expectant and bratty. She would never have the desire to learn the business from the ground up and keep it afloat.

It was both a blessing and a curse the day Mick Marshall made me an offer that seemed to solve everything. His promise to me: learn it, own it. He would make me equal partners; financial security, an insanely generous annual salary and security.

I could pay my parents back within two years. I _had_ paid them back. My father no longer held the right to dictate my life because I owed him money.

What Victoria and I didn't foresee was her dad's sudden cancer diagnosis. Victoria cut short her overseas trip and all our plotting to officially 'break-up' was forgotten. His dying wish was to walk his _Princess_ down the aisle...to welcome me officially into the Marshall family and then have the legal documents drawn up, to give his company to me.

Victoria knew I was in love with Bella but she still pleaded with me to accept.

Her plan was simple...give her father his dying wish and have the ceremony annulled after he passed away; no one would suspect it wasn't as it appeared to be. Then we could get on with our lives. The company would look after both of us. I could manage it, and eventually step away as majority shareholder. I could live extremely comfortably off the dividends, and so could Victoria. A couple of years sacrifice for a lifetime of security and wealth. I could paint, I could sculpt; I could support Bella in her writing.

_The plan has taken way longer than I could have ever anticipated._

How could I tell Bella that I was going to _marry_ Victoria for financial gain? How could I expect her to sit back and allow me to treat her that way? I couldn't. I didn't want her to know the split-second decision—and my deliberate inaction—that caused the accident had a ripple effect.

_She will never know that I _wanted_ to die._

I couldn't tell her that I chose to deceive her and the man that had been my mentor, so my parents wouldn't lose their house. I didn't want her to believe that my obligation to my family was more important than our love.

When Bella saw me with Victoria at the restaurant… it was easier for me to let her believe what she assumed. I'd never planned it to happen that way, but as soon as I saw the anger in her eyes, I realised if she hated me, she would have something to focus on. Her anger would make her determined to get back on track with her studies and in turn, force her to be more independent.

Truth was, I was too chicken-shit to face her. I wasn't the hero she made me out to be. I was the opposite. I was being dishonest to set myself up for life. It made me feel sick, but I couldn't see that there was any other way. The only way to become the guy that Bella thought I was, was to grow the fuck up, and take some responsibility for my actions. I had to get my shit together. I may have recovered physically from the accident, but mentally, I was far from good enough for Bella Swan.

_I need to make it up to her. She needs to know the truth._

I'd sent six letters—one a day. I'd written five of them since I made her believe the lie. They explained everything. I theorized that because I'd written down my excuses, it justified my actions. I'd kept them close to me, determined that as soon as I could, I'd tell her the truth.

Every single day I had to wake up and live a false life, without her. I had to cope with the fact that she thought I cheated on her and that I didn't love her. It was the most sick and untrue lie.

I threw myself into learning the business, and tried to reinforce my determination daily to see the fucked-up plan through, so I could get Bella back…_if_ she'd take me back.

I sent the sixth letter the day before Mick Marshall's funeral.

That last letter was an apology, begging her forgiveness for the deception and begging her to see me, to give me another chance. I'd professed my love in writing, and included the drawings I'd sketched of her when she'd been sleeping.

I was desperate to see her and show her just how much I regretted my actions. I left out information about Victoria and I being secretly married for two years. I hadn't even told my best friend about the quickie wedding. Neither Victoria nor I thought her father would hold on as long as he did. He was supposed to have no more than six months to live. Seems as though mine and Victoria's coupling and '_obvious love_' for each other gave him the will to hang on.

I hated myself every day. The deception made me sick to my stomach. I wasn't only deceiving Mick Marshall, I was deceiving myself. I knew right from wrong, and yet I was so focused on proving to my dad that I could make it and pay him back, that I extinguished all happiness in my life. I _let_ Bella think I didn't love her, that I used her; that I _cheated_ on her!

I needed to be worthy of her. I wanted to give her everything, make it all up to her by telling her why I did it and make her understand my reasoning.

One of the benefits of Jessica dating Austin was that I knew Bella hadn't been with anyone since I destroyed what we had with a sick and selfish lie.

Our too-brief relationship was intense and addictive. I couldn't even think about sleeping with another girl. I hadn't. Three years of celibacy seemed fitting as self-punishment.

'_Riley, I've only ever wanted you. You gave me my first kiss; you're the first man to touch me. It's you I want.'_

I recollected Bella's words, said to me before I'd selfishly taken her virginity.

_She'll forgive me. She'll understand why I did what I did._

The thought of Bella with anyone else made me nauseous with intense depression.

_She couldn't have been with anyone else, could she? She only went to Canada a short time ago; she couldn't have fallen in love again. _

I wanted her to forgive me. I wanted her back. If she gave me the chance I'd work hard every day to make her happy. I'd do anything to see her smile and look at me with love and devotion. I may never be worthy of her love, but I'd make sure she knew that my love for her would never be compromised again. I would take care of her, and support her in anything.

Some of my regret was redirected; at least now I was wealthy and had the financial security to ensure she'll never want for anything the rest of her life.

I took a sip of the coffee that had gone tepid, and picked up the report Victoria had dropped on my desk. Then I noticed something was hidden underneath the newspaper. There was a parcel that was addressed to me and marked 'Personal'.

_Bella's handwriting!_

Sweat instantly saturated my brow and my pulse quickened.

I stood abruptly, still clutching the parcel, stumbled to lock my office door.

_She's replied!_

With shaking fingers, I tore the parcel open.

But my euphoria was short-lived. They were _my_ letters, unopened, all six of them.

I looked at the handwriting again and the stamp.

She'd sent them back, unread, no note, _nothing_.

I clenched the letters in my hand and made an instant decision.

_I have to go to Canada. _

~0~


	43. Harmony

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I woke with Edward's naked body spooning me from behind. The motion of the rise and fall of his chest against my back was so comforting. His steady breath blew my hair and tickled my ear.

When I opened my eyes, a brief moment of panic shot through me when my surroundings seemed unfamiliar. I calmed slightly as I realized we were in the house at the back of the B&B.

I guessed, from the soft light through the gap in the curtains, it was just before dawn.

I had never felt so content in all my life, lying in the arms of Edward. Everything that happened yesterday just seemed so blurred. Like I could blank out the horrid bits and just focus on the memory of Edward and I making love for the first time.

Instantly my heart rate spiked as I recalled our second installment in the shower. It had never been like that for me before. The feel of him pushing inside was so... electric.

It reminded me of the first time he shook my hand in the Purple Bar, the warmth and zapping sensation. In the shower, that same buzz of skin-to-skin contact was amplified and insanely intimate with no condom as a barrier. What I felt was Edward and I, joining as one in the most sublime expression of our love.

My eyes clenched shut tight and I squeezed my thighs together at the recollection. In the shower, all I'd needed to do was put pressure where I was throbbing. Like a trigger, I pretty much exploded into a quivering mess as the pleasure of feeling Edward shot through my body.

I couldn't believe that I'd practically begged him to take me that way, unprotected. It was so reckless and stupid. How many times had I scoffed when I'd heard about 'accidental' pregnancies? Each time I'd dismissed the notion as ridiculous. Yet, if Edward hadn't pulled out, I wouldn't have stopped him. I was so blissed out and exhausted by the intensity of my climax, he could have kept going—I wanted him to feel what I had just felt.

_I need to apologize and tell him he should never let me coerce him like that!_

_I need to ask Kate to take me to her GP on Monday, so I can start back on the pill!_

I opened my eyes again and blinked until they focused through the half-light. Regardless of my sleepy fits of panic, the calming awareness that Edward's body was against mine made everything completely perfect.

_Our lovemaking was perfect._

I'd told Edward about Riley. I also told him I could be a secret from the media and fans, as long as I got to meet his family and I could tell my family all about him.

Edward was in love with me and now I understood he experienced normal emotions like everyone else.

_Including jealousy_.

He'd been jealous when he knew Demetri was going to make a move on me in the restaurant. I thought it was ironic that I was suffering the same emotion as Edward talked to almost every other person in the room, or when I heard the two girls in the bathroom freaking the fuck out and lusting after _my boyfriend._

_I should have known there was a reason for his unnerving coolness._

Edward was just so alertly conscious of the way he had to conduct himself in public. I suppose that wouldn't have been as clear to me, had I not seen what that girl Bree went through because the paparazzi and fans suspected Edward was in a relationship with her!

_I have to accept that I need to deal with other women wanting him. I'm never going to get away from that!_

My mind was swimming with everything. The calm I felt was dissipating rapidly and my breathing became erratic.

I shifted in Edward's embrace, turned my body to face him and made an admission to myself.

_I can be loved. I'm worthy and I don't have to be afraid of Edward hurting me._

Edward stirred and woke. He put his nose against my throat and inhaled.

"I love you, so much," I croaked and pushed myself closer.

"_Bella_."

Edward sleepily whispered my name as our bodies took over. Hands glided across heated skin, lips touched shoulders, throats, and mouths. Breaths mingled. I couldn't stop myself from pushing my body flush with his, desperate to be closer to him. I pulled him tightly against me. I wanted full skin-to-skin contact _everywhere_.

Our kisses were gentle yet positively consuming and then Edward started slowly kissing down my chest.

Even though I was dizzy and tingling from his gentle and arousing hands, I managed to remember to apologize.

"I'm...I'm sorry...about the shower," I said in a breathy whisper just as I felt Edward's mouth lick over my nipple. I forced myself not to pull his head closer to me; instead I massaged my fingertips lightly through his hair.

Edward kissed the underside of my breast.

"Hmmmmm, I'm not sorry. But we... can't do that again until you're..." he continued kissing and licking my breast, only pausing to speak. "It's too dangerous."

"I know, I'm _sorry_. Please just ignore me..."

I didn't seem to possess the mental capacity to even finish the sentence.

Edward's kisses stayed soft and wet over my breasts. His touch fogged my mind and made me ache with want.

"_Make love to me_," I pleaded as my jelly-like arm tried to stretch to reach the bedside table drawer.

"Bella," I heard him whisper, and then my body sunk into a convulsive ache as I felt Edward's lips, tongue and fingers move swiftly down and arrive between my legs in a wet and sensual caress.

I tried to keep my eyes open. The room was slowly becoming brighter. I thought if I could see, then I'd be certain the whole experience wasn't an erotic dream. But it was as real as my heart beating and my toes flexing as they tingled from the intense sensation of Edward's languid tongue playing lightly over my pleasure point.

It didn't seem to take long for my body to peak and fall into a dizzying spiral. The orgasm had been just as intense as the first time Edward had kissed and licked me there. The moan of pleasure that seemed to rumble within my chest was stifled as I pushed my palm over my mouth.

My body was on fire. I was alive with sensation —the sensation of Edward—and I was consumed with euphoria. I was so happy I thought I would cry, because Edward meant everything to me, and the way he adored my body, was not losing any intensity.

Edward backed off the bed. When I opened my eyes I saw him bending down, riffling through his overnight bag that was on the floor. Even in the dim light, I could see he looked triumphant when he retrieved an unopened box of condoms and proceeded to shred the plastic wrapping off the box to get one out.

_He's so beautiful: lean and pale and masculine. _

_I'm madly in love with you._

My body was so relaxed from my release. I closed my eyes, and tried to stretch the length of the bed. I was completely blissed out. With my eyes closed, everything seemed surreal. The smell of fresh sheets and Edward's skin, the barely audible piano music from the radio that I'd neglected to switch off last night.

Then in a frantic shuffle that I felt, rather than saw, Edward was nudging my jelly-like legs apart as he hovered above me.

"Bella?"

My eyes opened to see his face, soft and kind and radiating the love he felt for me.

"I hoped that one day, I'd find everything I've ever wanted," he said softly, but with a pained emotion that made my eyes water instantly. "But you found me. _You found me_. _I love you_."

He smiled lovingly as his thumb smeared the tear across my cheek.

So slowly, Edward made love to me. Every push and pull I felt to my toes and every shared breath was like an unspoken affirmation.

I'd never felt so overwhelmed. But it wasn't scary or too much. As he kissed me, I felt the truth, the truth of our love. It was undeniable. I felt it and breathed it and it was like our connection could never be severed.

I absorbed everything whilst experiencing deliberately gentle caresses from Edward as he made love to me.

Yet, I could tell he was holding something back; he was stopping himself.

He said we'd take it slow all weekend. If this was what he meant, then I never wanted it to end.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I knew I'd never been more connected to my own body and mind. Every heightened emotion I was feeling as I held Bella in my arms, made me think that my life up to this point seemed almost unauthentic.

Inhaling her, tasting her on my tongue and feeling how her skin felt against mine, had to be the most simple and yet most addictive experience of my life.

As I'd made love to her, I was in awe at how she responded to me. Every touch of my lips to hers, every soft pant, moan or whimper I elicited from her, every point of my fingertips caressing her back or gripping her waist, threatened to make me come.

It took all my self-discipline to take it slow; at least, I thought I was taking it slow. The problem was, when Bella and I were making love, I had no grasp of time. _At all._

_It's like I'm on some other physical plane..._

I had no way to describe it...and was suddenly confused why I thought that I needed to? I could boil it all down to the fact that I was completely and irrevocably in love with Bella, my soul mate.

_I'll never experience anything better than what we have together._

I hadn't been able to get back to sleep after she woke me, pleading with me to make love to her again. I'd never been woken with such need and pure desire.

I'd been holding her, my fingers tangling in her hair for what seemed like an hour...or minutes. Even now, I could feel my dick stirring again, ready to go a fourth round—and yes, I counted the very brief shower sex.

She'd said sorry for begging me. I didn't regret it. However, it had mentally sobered me though, because in that split second, or minute... that I was inside her without a condom _and_ felt her come, I wanted to stay where I was.

_She is perfection, my soul mate._

"Tell me what you're thinking?" she whispered.

Bella was resting in the crook if my arm, with her bare leg over my thigh.

I rolled her onto her back and pushed my dick into the mattress.

Suddenly I remembered what she told me last night and now I needed to think.

Bella had told me her asshole ex-boyfriend had hidden her away for three months and basically he... I couldn't even think the words. He used her body for pleasure, while cheating on his girlfriend, and had convinced Bella he was in love with her.

_He kept her a secret._

My stomach twisted in knots with disbelief that a guy could give her up. I was thankful he had, and equally thankful I had no idea what the motherfucker looked like, because I didn't want an image of her with _any_ guy in my head.

"Edward?" she prompted me.

"I was thinking that I wish..." _Do not say that I never want us to leave this house._ "That I can't wait to take you to L.A. to meet my family."

I meant it. I had no idea how I was going to achieve it—hide her from the fans and leeches and yet finally introduce the love of my life to my family.

Bella touched my jaw and bit her lip. "I can't wait to meet them. I hope they..._like_ me."

I couldn't help but laugh. "They'll love you, because they I know _I_ love you. Trust me, you don't have to worry about that. I think I should be more worried that Chief Swan won't like me. I don't want to be acquainted with his firearm."

Bella's hand glided to the back of my head and she pulled me down to kiss her.

"My dad will see how happy you make me. He'll never need to use his gun." She giggled and resumed kissing me passionately.

That 'time' distortion happened again...so I reluctantly pulled away. I stared at her, and took in deep breaths to try and calm myself from the overwhelming desire to take her body.

"Are you hungry?" I asked. I hoped the question would be a distraction. The look on her face told me she was just as aroused as I was.

"Yes," she panted in a breathy voice. "I _need_ you again."

Bella's hands were instantly flat against my chest and she was trying to push me to roll onto my back.

"I wanna be on top, this time," she whimpered.

_Jesus fucking Christ. YES!_

I let her. I wouldn't have been able to resist. I only possessed about five seconds of clarity as she was tearing the condom packet open.

_I don't want to be like _him_, her ex. We need to do more than just...I need...we can't make our relationship all about sex..._

That thought was instantly gone as I felt Bella take me in her hand and roll on the condom. _So. Fucking. Slowly._

Then she threw her leg over me and wiggled her body to line herself up, holding firmly and staring down at me with a look that obliterated any ounce of reasoning.

She rubbed my dick against her and then lowered herself.

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

I couldn't close my eyes even though the sight and the feel of her was going to make this even quicker than it had been in the shower.

Bella didn't move when I was all the way inside.

"I love you, Edward. I wish... you and I..." she seemed to be slipping into a swoon. "_Oh God,_ you _feel_ so good..."

My body took over and I gently clutched Bella's waist and lifted her slightly so I could move my ass off the bed and thrust. She seemed to regain her focus and then she pushed sharply on my chest with both hands and raised herself up on her knees and started riding me.

_She feels amazing. It's too good. I won't last._

"Bell-_ahhh!_"

She was slow and very deliberate in her movement, but then she increased her pace and was almost frantic.

"Please touch me," she moaned.

I fumbled to push my fingers against her with soft and then firm swirling pressure as the pleasure swamped my body, bringing me closer and closer. I wanted to hold back long enough to see the perfection of watching her come.

Time was an incomprehensible word that held no importance.

I couldn't look away from her beautiful face as she watched me. Her soft dark hair, the milky white skin of her breasts and the dizzying swirl of the room consumed my peripheral vision. It felt like slow motion, like I could see the dust motes wafting around and catching the light; floating away with each of Bella's deep exhalations.

I felt and saw when her orgasm caught her and I watched in fascination as her pelvis shook. She was profoundly beautiful as she climaxed. Holding off my release was an impossibility.

Exhausted and sated, Bella collapsed against my chest, just as I released, grunting and searching out her lips desperately.

_Is this what it's always going to be like? Overwhelming and so hot that we can't last more than a few minutes because the pleasure engulfs us both?_

_Yes._

The answer was undoubtedly 'Yes'. Even though I'd tried to block out what Alice had told me over the years, I must have been paying attention, because I knew that it would always be overwhelmingly intense every time Bella and I connected.

Even Jasper had alluded to the ardency of his relationship with my sister.

_They can barely keep their hands off each other!_

Now I understood.

Alice was right. I couldn't understand it before. I had to experience what it was like to be bound to my soul mate.

"Bella," I held her tightly to me.

My dick had gone soft, but I didn't want to move. Instead I simply made sure the condom was still where it should be, as I tried to think of the words I needed to say. Bella beat me to it.

"I love you, I love touching you, _feeling_ you," Bella whispered as her lips slowly kissed my neck. "I don't want to leave here, ever," she sighed.

The thought of hiding her here indefinitely made me desire it, and also hate myself for even thinking I could do that, after what _he_ did to her.

_I'm not like him and I never will be. I love her. I'm going to protect and care for her. She'll meet my family; they'll love and support us both. I won't allow her to be subjected to the horror and nastiness of the media hounds and the possessive fanatics, until we have no other choice._

I didn't want to make our relationship all about sex, but it was inevitable that sex would be at least a daily occurrence. I was a fool to think I wouldn't want her constantly, multiple times, and I knew I would never become indifferent when it came to my desire and need to be intimate with her.

Bella's hot breath was on my neck and her soft breasts against my chest. I never wanted to leave.

_Bella's comfortable here, she's happy here._

A plan started to form in my head.

"Then let's not leave." I said simply. "Can we, I mean you said this was your friends' B&B? I'll pay them to keep this available for us. We can stay here instead of the Hotel."

Bella didn't say anything at first. Her lips kissed my neck, and she sighed.

"Really? Can you do that?" she asked.

I could tell by the hopeful inflection in her voice that she just needed reassurance.

"Why not? Emmett can get me here without anyone knowing. The studio is paying for my hotel suite; they won't even know that I'll never be there. The leeches can try and stalk me there, all the while we can be here, together."

Bella started hungrily kissing me. Her lips burned with an overwhelming determination.

She was killing me. I realized that she'd been holding back her passion. She'd been so tentative with me the whole time I'd known her. Now she knew I loved her, she wasn't holding anything back from me; she was expressing everything through her voice, her hands, and her lips.

_I'm the fucking luckiest man on this Earth. She's mine and only mine. Nothing is going to keep us apart. We can't be apart._

"Yes. I wanna be wherever you are. I need to have you all to myself." Bella's quiet voice and moans and whimpers as we kissed, made me drunk with bliss.

When our kisses slowed and she pulled away to breathe, I asked her.

"Will Kate let us stay here, exclusively?"

Bella's fingers traced my jaw. Her touch was heavenly.

"I think so, well at least for the next two to three weeks. Kate and Garrett are going to move from the main house to live here, so the guests aren't disturbed when the baby is born."

"Baby?" I asked dumbly. "She's pregnant?"

"Yes! I can't wait for you to meet her, and Garrett. They're both really lovely."

I ran my fingertips over the small of her back, completely euphoric that this beautiful and compassionate woman was all mine.

Then I heard a loud knock, and my relaxed state was shattered.

"It's probably just Kate!" Bella assured me and scrambled off my body with purpose.

I watched as her face broke out into a huge grin as she slid her arms into my shirt that had been lying on the floor.

She looked so hot as she quickly forced the buttons through the holes. Her hair was a mess; she still had the shadow of smudged eye make-up under her eyes, yet she was glowing.

"Stay here, I'll be right back." Bella bent over and kissed me with a smile. I caught a glimpse of her creamy, shapely thighs as she skipped out of the bedroom.

_She's happy. I've made her so vibrantly happy._

I rolled off the bed and walked into the bathroom to clean myself up and wash my face. My foot stepped on something and I looked down to see the condoms that I stupidly—or not so stupidly as it turned out—dropped on the floor before we showered.

Everything that we'd talked about, everything that we did, was like a swirl of important data in my head.

_She loves me. I love her. We're going to make this work._

I tried to suppress the anxiety about how the paparazzi would treat her once they found out. It was a major concern for me. Maybe not an immediate concern, but still the thoughts and worst case scenarios were there, including the faint impression of my dream; the leeches not letting me help her, being separated from her.

"Edward?" she called out.

I instantly responded to her voice. She sounded excited. I scrambled into my boxers, still gripping the condoms, and hurried down the hallway.

Bella was in the kitchen, a large tray of food on the bench.

"Where did this come from?" I asked.

"Kate of course. She's so thoughtful."

I watched as Bella pulled the lids off a few plates. I stashed the condoms under a decorative bowl that was on the dining table.

There was sourdough toast, fresh fruit and poached eggs, orange juice and a pot of coffee.

"This was on the tray too," Bella handed me a white envelope. She was holding an envelope as well.

I recognized mine was hand-written by Emmett.

I didn't want to read it, but I reluctantly tore it open and unfolded the note.

_Hey Ed,_

_You don't have to go to fight training today. I told them that you're taking a personal break because of the pap shit-fight last night._

_I thought I'd better give you a heads up, Heidi and John have called me because you weren't answering your cell. Photos and videos of Bree from last night, and some of you performing, are all over the gossip sites. They say you've 'Dumped Rosalie for a younger, up and coming starlet.'_

_Apart from that, we weren't detected getting here. There are no leeches about, as far as I can tell. Kate and Garrett have set me up in one of the B&B rooms. Garrett works at the hotel, so he is bound by their NDA. I don't think they have any agenda apart from facilitating getting you and Bella together. I've checked the main house and all external fences, it's secure, and as long as you stay where you are, I'm sure you won't be spotted._

_Enjoy your time with Bella and be ready to leave for the set at 4:30am Monday morning. No excuses!_

_Emmett._

_P.S. Do you need __anything__ from the drugstore?_

Dread seemed to suck the breath from my lungs. I looked over to Bella. She was reading her note, smiling and happy.

_I can't believe people are so easily fooled by what they read online or in gossip magazines._ _I've only met the girl twice!_

It made me feel sick to the stomach. All I wanted was to tell the world that Bella was mine and I was hers. I wanted the chance to have a normal relationship, where I could take her out anywhere I wanted, without fear that my over-zealous fans or the leeches would make her feel self-conscious.

I'd had a taste of what that life could be like, at Laurent's. Everything about that night was perfect, except Bella didn't know that I was in love with her then, and I stupidly got drunk.

"Is everything OK?"

I tried to smile, to reassure her that everything _would_ be OK. She didn't look convinced, mostly because I wasn't.

"What did your note say?" I asked her.

She smiled at me and stepped closer. "Kate said she'd deliver our meals and anything else we need, so we can stay here, and just..._be_."

Bella looked radiant. She held her note out for me to read.

I couldn't keep this information from her...she had a right to know exactly how the media worked, so she could deal with it when the time came.

I held my note to her. We swapped. I waited for Bella to start reading and then glanced down to her note in my hand.

_Hi Bella,_

_I hope you and Edward worked everything out? I don't mean to be nosy, but I'm dying to know that you've talked?_

_I'll deliver food, starting with this brekkie, lunch at 1pm and dinner at 8pm. There are a few snacks in the cupboard and I think there is milk in the fridge. I don't want to disturb you, so I'll leave the tray at the door. Leave me a note if you need absolutely anything, OK? There's a notepad and pen in the bottom kitchen drawer._

_Use the time to really talk (amongst other things, which I hope you ARE doing). I have a feeling everything will work out for you both. Listen to me, I'm soon to be a mum, I have enhanced intuition!_

_Love Kate xx_

_P.S. Paul and the other guys should be back on site at 7am Monday morning to finish off the bathroom. He has a key. I've left him a message that he needs to come and see me at the main house before he starts. I thought you should know._

I looked up to Bella. She was frowning, and I felt physically sick.

When she finally looked up to me, her face was pale.

"Will they release a statement saying you're not in a relationship with Bree?" Bella questioned.

I tugged at my hair, whilst trying to discount it all, and failing miserably. I answered her question truthfully.

"No. They'll let people believe what they want to. It sickens me to say it, but Bree probably loves the attention; she wants to become an actress. The perceived association with me will give her notoriety."

I thought back to last night, when I was onstage. I knew how emotional I was professing my love. _'Bella'_ was about to flow freely from my lips, but the bright lights and the awareness that I was in a room full of strangers had stopped me.

They'd mindlessly assumed 'B' was for Bree, because they had photos of me, taken on Thursday night with Jace and Bree at dinner. It was no-brainer; the leeches could sell the pictures and the story would write itself—instant magazine circulation boost.

"I don't think she will." Bella said. "I saw her, she looked frightened. She was overwhelmed and panicked by the attention. They were so horrible to her!"

My chest ached because I knew Bella realized that the same thing would happen to her, as soon as someone found out we we're together. I wouldn't be able to protect her from that. It made me feel inadequate.

Bella walked over to me and wrapped her warm arms around my waist.

"How old is she?"

"Seventeen."

"Don't you think they'll want to issue a statement in this instance, regardless of the contract? You're twenty-three. If people actually think you're in a…_sexual_ relationship with her, that's illegal, isn't it?"

I looked into Bella's eyes. I had no idea what the law was in Canada, but in California, a six-year age difference was definitely a felony. Bella was right. This was vastly different from anything I'd ever encountered. I'd be damned if my reputation would be ruined, based on a falsity.

_Fuck the contract and Heidi._

"I'll call my lawyer on Monday. Everything will be sorted out. You don't need to worry," I said as my fingers traced her lips.

"We're in this together. Of course I worry. I love you, I'm going to be upset if you are, just like you'd feel the same if I was upset." She said softly.

I kissed Bella. I forced everything out of my mind and focused on holding her and silently reassuring her that it would be OK. I'd make sure of it. I wouldn't lose her.

Nothing would drive us apart.

_Nothing_.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

The weekend was everything I hoped it would be, and more.

We talked. We ate delicious meals that Kate left on our doorstep. We made love, over and over again.

It was Sunday night. My body was exhausted yet my mind was completely serene.

_Edward_.

Even though the second bathroom had unfinished tiling and an unpainted window frame, I turned on the water to fill the bath and added few drops of Rose oil I found in the bedroom.

Edward and I had spent the last 48 hours together in every way. We hadn't been separated, unless we needed the bathroom.

The steam from the water was infused with the smell of tea rose. I was still wearing Edward's plaid shirt, I hadn't taken it off all day. It was the _only_ item of clothing I'd worn since yesterday morning.

I thought back to yesterday, as the bathtub slowly filled.

After we read the letters that Kate had left us, we'd eaten everything she provided. My body needed sustenance.

All throughout breakfast Edward kept staring at my mouth.

I could tell he was worried about how the Bree situation would play out. I didn't want to think about it.

_I'm completely selfish! I want him to focus only on me!_

When we'd finished eating I stood to stack the dirty plates. My intention was to wash them up so I could leave the clean plates on the tray for Kate to collect.

Warmth on the back of my thigh, tingly pleasure shot up my spine.

_His hand! Oh God!_

I was immobile, frozen as Edward's hand inched higher, slowly.

_He knows I'm not wearing underwear!_

Just his gentle touch could make me tremble with need. He stroked lightly over me, feeling my obvious desire.

"Come here," he pleaded, and guided me to straddle his lap.

Kissing Edward was surreal. The taste of bitter coffee mixed with him, his essence. His large hands held my head, his fingers covering my ears and he kissed me, so passionately, so determined, and sexually charged.

I could feel his desire for me pressed in between us. After long kisses that seemed to get more urgent, I desperately needed friction. I tried to push my pelvis forward.

"Do you know what you do to me? Seeing you in my shirt? Do you know how happy that makes me?" he almost growled the words.

Suddenly Edward's hands quickly glided down in between us, and he expertly flicked open each one of the buttons, exposing me completely to his devouring gaze.

He stared. I could feel a blush creeping up my chest and onto my face.

"I have to…" he said and then his hand supported the small of my back as he held me and pushed himself to almost stand.

He reached out his other arm across the table, knocking over an empty glass. The secure grip he had on me stayed constant as he sat back down. Before I could work out what was happening, he was holding up a row of three condoms.

_Oh, please. Yes!_

I tore at one frantically and threw the others on the floor.

Edward pulled himself out of his boxers with one hand, and he was right there, long and hard and straining for me.

I didn't have to think. I instinctively desired to have him, sitting at the kitchen table.

I rolled the condom on, acutely aware of his sudden intake of breath and the sexy twitch of his lips when I held him firmly.

Edward's hands slipped under my thighs and I gripped his shoulder and positioned him. We both watched as my body took him inside, so slowly, so erotically.

My thighs started to quiver.

_I'll never get sick of this feeling. I want it to be this way, forever!_

I looked down to where we were joined and I almost wept from the emotion and the feeling of absolute completeness.

I snapped myself out of the memory.

My cheeks hurt from smiling so widely. My body was in constant anticipation of how Edward would decide to touch me, where he'd kiss me and for how long.

I reveled in the memory of Edward's gentle touches.

He had managed to surprise me several times, just by his words, or the fervency of his desire. And yet, my body ached to feel him again and again. Just touching his skin could be enough to survive on, I was sure.

I laughed.

_I think the bliss of numerous explosive orgasms and several breathless make out sessions has killed-off some of my brain cells._

_How long can you sustain being completely blissed out and euphoric?_

Then Edward's arms circled my waist as he stood behind me.

"Hmmmm, roses? You're _killing_ me," he whispered in my ear. His large, gentle hands started undoing the shirt buttons, again.

I leaned back and closed my eyes. I was instantly ready, willing and so needy to have him.

"You better turn the water off, Bella," Edward's voice was husky and sexy.

I opened my eyes to see the water level had risen. Edward's fingers danced over my shoulders and he pulled his shirt from my body. I was naked and thoroughly aroused when his firm hands drifted down to my hips.

I bent forward and placed one hand on the lip of the bath to steady myself as I turned the tap off.

"_Oh God_. Don't move."

I was suddenly flushed as I realized Edward had a very intimate view and I could feel my skin heat instantly, as he gripped my hips tightly and groaned.

My chest expanded as I inhaled in long gusts. I could feel myself saturating with want, but I held no embarrassment about how my body would look or how he responded.

_Once in my life, I would have._

But now, that self-consciousness had gone. There was no shield, no stupid mental security screen in my mind—and no inner fourteen-year-old—trying to refute Edward's love for me or discount that I was alluring to him.

Edward's hand moved to my thigh slowly. His warm fingers halted.

Every nerve ending in my body could anticipate what he wanted to do.

I steadied myself and lifted my knee to place it on the edge of the bath. It was an invitation for him to do what we _both_wanted_._

"_Bella_…"

The way he said my name…_I'll never get tired of hearing the emotional way he speaks my name._

Slowly and erotically his long and attentive fingers started sliding between my legs, over me, making my knees weak and body burn. Then he pulled himself to where his fingers had been, sensuously sliding his arousal the length of me, so close to pushing inside.

"_Yes, Edward_."

As soon as the words left my lips I regretted them. I'd told him to ignore my coercing pleas, yet here I was practically begging him to push himself inside me.

"I mean, _please_ get a condom. I want you, right now!"

Edward slowly kissed down my spine, as my body trembled. He continued to push and rub himself against me, so dangerously and erotically close. I wanted it, _so badly._

He pulled away from me for a split second and then I heard the distinct snap of latex being rolled.

_Oh God._

Edward's hands held my hips.

"I won't let you fall." He promised seductively.

I felt Edward's lips suck and lick the skin on my back. His tight grip held me steady.

"Bella, I love you. I _need_ you."

Without a second of hesitation, Edward filled me swiftly.

The position and my drenched arousal, allowed him to slide fast and deep and even though I had a decent grip on the bath, my body lunged dangerously with each long and hard thrust.

_This is fucking._

Edward was fucking me, so hard and so fast and my legs and arms were tensed with the strain of holding myself in the unnatural position. I absorbed the pure adrenaline coursing through my veins as my mind processed the need, the burning ache, as well as the sublime pleasure.

"Bella, Bella, _Bella_!" Edward chanted with each long thrust forward.

I shattered. My body shook so violently from my climax, I was sure I'd fall face forward into the warm, rose-scented water.

But Edward gripped my waist so tightly that the clenching pain became an intensified enhancement to the all-consuming stimulation.

"_Yes!"_ Edward shouted through his release as he pounded into me roughly.

I squeezed my eyes shut so tightly that I saw a blurry pattern of kaleidoscope stars.

The bathroom reverberated the sound of our open mouths, gasping for oxygen.

I felt the excruciating loss of Edward as he pulled away.

Then soft hands helped me to stand up straight, and when I stretched to my full height, I turned to see Edward's flushed skin, sweat covered brow and eyes full of…regret?

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he lamented as he pulled me to his chest. "Are you OK? I lost my mind, I'm so, _so_ sorry."

Edward was holding me with tense arms, his heart pounding.

_He thinks he hurt me? He's sorry for blowing my mind?_

I tried to compose myself. When I thought I could clearly communicate, I reached up to hold his face in my hands.

"That was… you make me feel things I've never felt. I trust you. I know you'd never hurt me —" he was about to cut me off but I covered his lips with my fingers to hush him.

"If I ever dislike something, I'll tell you, you know that, right? I'll let you know if anything makes me uncomfortable. I promise. I love you so much, I love the way we are together."

"_No_, Bella, look." He said with what sounded like hopelessness.

Edward's stepped back from me and his fingers trailed softly down my body to my waist, gently running over four red marks above my hip. I looked down at them in disbelief. They were the marks left by his supportive fingers that had held me steady.

I didn't know what to say.

"I'm, so sorry." He repeated.

"No. I'm not hurt. _Please_, Edward. It's nothing. I mean…I'm not going to break. I'm strong."

My words had a double meaning. I knew I'd been weak before. I'd been mentally fragile and emotionally stunted. I didn't want…_I wouldn't _be like that again. _I wouldn't._

Edward stared at me. His eyes were filled with love and adoration, but he seemed to be going through some type of mental conflict.

"What's wrong? Is it because it may be our last night here?"

I was anxious, given that Edward would leave extremely early in the morning, and I hadn't yet seen Kate to ask if we could stay. The thought of going back to the hotel panicked me for some reason. I knew I was just being silly. As long as I could be with Edward, I really couldn't care less where we slept, or _if_ we slept.

"No, Bella. It's not that. I…" he trailed off and tried to distract me by kissing my mouth so sweetly and gently. It was a complete contradiction to the voraciousness of what we had just experienced together.

I wasn't going to let him close up on me.

"Talk to me? We won't make it through any of what faces us outside this house unless we talk." I said as soon as he pulled back from the kiss.

He closed his eyes, and breathed in through his nose. His lips were pursed and his nostrils flared.

"I have to be so controlled, all the time. I'm conscious of hundreds of eyes on me constantly. Here, in this house, with you, I've never felt so liberated from scrutiny. It was like I…"

"Edward," I said and pushed myself against his hard body. "You can always be that way with me. You can be _you_. I'm here. I wanted it too. I _needed_ it too!"

I did need it. I needed physical as well as verbal validation that he wanted this, that he wanted me. That even though we needed to be discreet, he wasn't compromising anything else when it came to our relationship. I certainly didn't want him to hold back his passion from me.

I wasn't holding back. I was giving myself fully. There was no other choice for me. I couldn't hide who I was, or what I wanted.

I was even more determined to ensure Edward knew exactly what he meant to me and I knew I had to be strong now.

I'd been a passive 'victim' for too long. I wasn't that girl any more. Edward's love had made me realize that life is what you make it. I had to summon all my strength and obliterate all my insecurities to be able to get over the obstacles that I knew were out there. I had no doubt in my mind that Edward and I belonged together.

_He wants me too; we need each other._

It seemed as though I'd wasted years of my life letting things happen and not taking charge.

"I love you." Edward whispered and then he smiled and stepped into the bath, taking my hands in his and assisting me to step in as well. He reclined and pulled me down to sit between his legs

We soaked in the warm, fragrant water.

We touched and snuggled.

As soon as I felt Edward relax, I pulled his hand to my face, holding his fingers against my cheek, inhaling the fragrance of roses and feeling my skin tingle from his touch. "You've been holding out on me," I whispered.

"What? I…" he sounded confused.

"That was so… every time is _so_…I can't get enough of you. I can't explain what it feels like. I can't think of the words, it's so bizarre. I'm sorry, I'm not making any sense am I?" I kissed his hand.

_How do I tell him that I seem to fall deeper in love with him every time he touches me?_

"You make perfect sense to me. I feel the same. I just didn't expect I'd leave a mark."

"_Edward_—" I started, but he silenced me with his lips against my neck.

"Shhh, I'm sorry. Next time, I'll make sure when we do that, it's not so..._precarious_."

_Next time._

The thought of the next time sent an erotic shiver over my entire body.

I turned my head so I could kiss him.

We both sat in quiet contemplation. Every now and then I'd hear the steady drone of cars a few streets away, but the night was still.

I didn't feel the need to speak. Edward regretted marking me, not making love to me that way. I understood that.

"Bella, I need you to meet my sister, Alice." he said softly. "We have a special bond. She's...probably not like anyone you've ever met before."

I pictured the photo Edward had of his sister in his wallet. I remembered back to when Edward had talked about her.

"You told me about your bond with Alice, remember? You told me about her husband too. You said they were soul mates."

Edward pulled me closer and kissed my cheek. "Alice and Jasper aren't married, yet." he said.

"Oh. They're engaged?" I asked.

He looked perplexed. "Well, no..."

His brow furrowed. He looked agitated.

"What is it?" I asked, I touched his lips, and dragged my fingers down his neck.

"They've been together for four years. I never really thought about why they weren't married. I..."

Edward looked to my face and his features softened into a smile. "Maybe I need to give Jasper a bit of a push. Anyway, I want you to meet Alice. We should go to LA as soon as possible. I'll remind the executive producer to arrange some studio recording time, like he promised. Will you come with me?"

"Yes," I said.

I suppressed the anxiety I felt. I wanted to meet Alice. The anxiety I felt was just the excitement of finally being acknowledged.

_We're together. I want to tell Charlie and Elaine. I want to tell mum and Phil. _

I wanted to tell everyone, and yet, I was anxious about what they'd all say.

"Thank you," he said softly and kissed me tenderly. The kiss wiped away all my doubts.

_I know we can do this, and there's absolutely nothing, and nobody, that will convince me otherwise._

~0~

**A/N: Thank you all for your varied reviews last chapter…I know I have your trust and I won't take that responsibility lightly *smiles widely*. I need to say a special 'Thank You' to mpg for her valuable feedback on this chapter (bear hugs)!**

**Thank you for reading xxx**


	44. Rondo

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**A/N: Welcome back and 'Hello' to my new readers. I apologise profusely for my tardiness in updating… **

**My thanks to mpg for her help, and to twicrazreader for her well-timed encouragement! If you need some handholding, find me on Twitter – Boydblog**

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I was sitting next to Edward at Laurent's. Everything was identical to when I'd been there with him that night, the only difference was that his hand was on my knee slowing sliding up, his long fingers gripping and then swirling in a hypnotizing pattern.

_This is a dream._

I glanced around the room to see the two ladies—Shelley and Sue—both with knowing smiles.

Then Laurent called Edward to the stage. I watched as Edward stood and walked confidently to sit at the shabby upright piano.

_'This song is for the beautiful girl sitting at the table down the front. It's called Episode; it's an original composition. I hope you'll give me your feedback,'_ Edward looked straight into my eyes, _'For you, Bella.'_

The way he sung the words to _Episode_ elated me with pride and infused me with wonder.

His performance was inspirational. He seemed to be in his own little world, but then, he'd make eye contact with me, and it was _my_ world too.

I was so warm, so comforted by his love and attention; it was the complete opposite to what I had felt that night. Back then I'd thought everything was about the song, about his happiness that he had the words to his perfect musical composition.

But in my dream, I remembered it differently.

What I should have seen that night—what I was seeing now—was Edward's love for _me_, not the song?

_He's in love with me._

There was no way I could deny it.

Edward smiled and stepped off the stage to approach me. He leaned at the waist, his lips almost brushing my earlobe.

_'Thank you for bringing me here. You'll never understand how much it means to me,'_ he sighed, the warmth of his breath sending shivers over my entire body. Then his moist lips touched my cheek, lingering in a soft kiss. It sent a wave of pleasure through my skin and into the pit of my stomach. He stepped back to look into my eyes.

_'Come with me,'_ he said seductively.

Dream Edward slowly stood straight, his eyes never leaving mine, and then he held my hand and guided me towards the side of the bar to the restrooms.

Rather than freak out, like I had that night, I simply followed and let the feeling of Edward's intimacy envelope me as we walked into the ladies'.

I stood in the dingy room, the dirty mirror, the cool air; everything was the same as the first time I was there. But instead of having a panic attack, I was calm in the knowledge of Edward's love. He was there _with_ me, standing behind me, his lips kissing my neck, his arms holding me tightly.

_'I love you, Bella. You're mine, my soul mate, my lover, my best friend. You're the woman of my dreams. I always knew I'd find you.'_

The desire ignited. I could feel myself throbbing with desperate need, need for him to touch me, to love me, to claim me.

I turned to kiss him, softly at first then everything shimmered and—like the smoke from an extinguished candle—the scene swirled and curled into nothing as I opened my eyes.

I _had_ been dreaming, but now I was awake and Edward was fully clothed and kissing me, as I lay naked in the bed. Sudden awareness made my heart ache, as I realized it was very early in the morning and he was dressed to leave for work. Our secluded, love-filled weekend had come to an end and reality outside this idyllic cottage was imminent.

_Edward._

"I have to go. Emmett will be here any minute." He whispered against my mouth.

"_I want you,_" I pleaded as I continued kissing him.

I knew I had to let him leave, but I was so worked up, so completely peaking from my dream, that I wanted a release. I needed Edward. _Now_. It was the emotion of my revelation and his soft, wet lips that made me feel insatiable.

His hand dipped under the thin sheet that covered my naked body and he touched me, teased me, worshipped me with his long and attentive fingers until I was panting and quivering from exhaustion and pleasure.

Everything after my climax became a warm and surreal dizziness, yet I could still hear his soft whispers in my ear.

"I'll be thinking about you all day; about loving you properly tonight. It doesn't matter where we stay, here or the hotel, as long as we're together. Keep your cell phone with you, OK?"

Edward pulled the sheet up under my chin and kissed me again.

"Go back to sleep." He whispered and then pulled away.

My eyes drooped closed. I was so secure in my warm bubble of ecstasy, so satisfied and sleepy that I couldn't fight it. I felt his warm breath and then his lips kissed my cheek. I heard the swift intake of air as he inhaled and then another soft wet kiss on my mouth.

"I love you so much, Bella. Sweet dreams."

When I woke for the second time that morning, I could still feel the impression of Edward's fingers between my legs and his lips on my neck.

I grinned and stretched. I felt so alive and so giddy and happy.

I was conscious that Paul would be on site soon to finish of the bathroom, so I walked in a daze to the shower, the whole time I recalled the dream.

_Laurent's_.

I closed my eyes and remembered back to that night.

Sitting so close to Edward, talking and innocently touching. His smile, the way he looked into my eyes, the possessiveness he showed when Laurent took more than a friendly interest in me...

_Edward loves me. He loved me then. Why didn't I see it that night? Why did I talk myself out what was so glaringly obvious? Sue and Shelly saw it too. Why did I dismiss it so easily?_

I knew the answer. I knew why.

_Riley Biers._

I'd been carrying that hurt for years. I could let it go. I could finally let go of whatever it was that I was hanging on to, because all that negativity didn't have a place in my mind or my heart now.

I needed as much room as possible, to nurture my love for Edward and encourage it to flourish.

_We're going to make a life together!_

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

Turning on my cell was a necessity, however I'd managed to last twenty minutes before actually doing it.

Instead, I recalled my weekend with Bella, every touch, every kiss. My fingers itched with sensitivity, as I recalled how it felt as they had descended to her thighs. Soft, warm skin; so smooth and supple. I could touch her all day, every day, _forever_. I remembered the feel of my lips on her mouth, her cheek, her neck. In my minds eye, I saw more than just her heated pink blush and a glistening of sweat on her forehead. I saw into her heart and soul. Her eyes, like glass, had magnified and reflected the intense love that encompassed us, as I had given her pleasure.

The car jolting in motion suddenly snapped me out of my memories. I was clenching my fists in desperation, and biting my tongue so I wouldn't yell at Emmett to turn the car around and take me back to her instantly.

Of course, once I did listen to my messages, the anxiety seemed to crawl under my skin like a parasite.

Heidi left me a message stating emphatically that I'm not to make any type of statement when it came to the media reports of my '_association'_ with Bree.

Carmen, my agent, had called to tell me that she'd heard back from Liam Berty's office; the actress he'd selected to play the part of Georgia had signed her contract.

There was a message from Angela, asking if everything was 'OK'.

Jasper's message was simple, and his voice soft and emotive. He simply said:

_'Congratulations. I'm so relieved and joyous for you. I know how intense everything will seem to you right now. Believe and stay focused. I can't wait to meet Bella.'_

His words instantly allowed me to calm and get everything into perspective.

I knew Alice would have felt my emotions. Both Alice and Jasper would have known what I was feeling and what it meant to finally be with my soul mate.

I didn't think about how early it was, I immediately called my sister.

"_Edward_, _Alice is still asleep_," Jasper whispered, yet I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Thanks for your message. It meant a lot to me."

"How are you feeling?" he asked me.

"Out of body, out of mind. Euphoric and dazed. I assume that's normal?" I asked, only half jokingly.

"Perfectly normal," he laughed. "I've gotta say, I'm glad it's happened for you. It's a relief to know I'll be able to talk to someone about it, other than Alice, of course."

I closed my eyes and grinned like a fool, happy for both of them.

Then I remembered Bella's question from yesterday.

_Why in the hell, if he felt this way about Alice, hasn't he proposed to her?_

I should have been tactful, but the accusation just slipped unconsciously from my mouth in a curt tirade.

"Why haven't you married my sister? You've been together for four years! I don't understand."

"Edward," Jasper sighed. "I proposed to Alice three months after we got together. I spent my life-savings on the perfect ring, went down on bended knee, the whole thing."

"What?" I didn't believe that Alice would have refused him.

"She accepted, on one condition."

"What was the condition?"

"That she couldn't possibly marry me until _you_ had found your soul mate. She said she couldn't have a wedding without you there as best man, and your soul mate as her maid of honor. Once she meets Bella, the date will be set."

I was a split second from bursting forth in uncontrollable laughter, but it didn't come, because I knew Alice, and I knew Jasper was telling the absolute truth.

_Alice has always been a hopeless romantic._

"Jasper, I'm sorry, that must have been—"

"It's fine. I'll love your sister to the end of time. Marriage is a piece of paper; she and I both know there's no rush to make it official. In our hearts we're bound to each other more profoundly than a certificate of marriage could convey."

In that second I imagined Bella in a white dress, smiling and throwing rose-petals at Alice. Then I imagined slipping Grandma Platt's solitaire diamond on Bella's finger.

_It's going to happen. I'll make it happen, one day._

"I want Bella to come with me to L.A. as soon as possible." I blurted. "I want everyone to meet her."

"_Everyone_?" he asked cautiously.

"Family. I want to protect her for as long as I can." I knew I didn't need to elaborate.

"Ben and Angela know about you and Bella, don't they?" he asked me.

"Yes, in a round-about kind of way," my stomach sunk when I realized I hadn't spoken to Ben since the gig. _I need to call him._

"Ben invited me to the studio to record some back-up vocals. I just want to make sure I don't put my foot in my mouth."

"Ben knows that I'm in love with her. I just think it's better for Bella the longer we keep a low profile. If I could, I'd tell everyone she's with me. I'm scared that she won't be prepared for all the attention. It's making me feel sick."

"She's probably a lot stronger than you think," he said confidently.

I knew in my heart, he was right. Bella could be strong; together we _would_ be strong. Yet was I prepared to take the risk? Would my 'celebrity' status and all that came with it, be too much for her?

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

When Paul the contractor arrived, he smiled shyly at me and told me he'd make sure the work on the bathroom would be finished within four hours or so.

Knowing that he had wanted to ask me out didn't feel as weird as I had first thought. He was very attractive. He found me attractive. Maybe Kate was right; maybe I hadn't seen myself clearly before.

I felt desirable now. Edward had made me feel desirable, and..._worthy_.

A proud grin covered Paul's face when I thanked him for the amazing job he'd done.

I walked up to the main house, passed the pool and the fragrant rose bushes to see Kate with a steaming mug of tea, sitting at the kitchen table in front of her laptop and a portable phone wedged between her ear and her shoulder.

"Yes, of course. I hope you have a wonderful trip and we look forward to your arrival on the twenty-third. Thank you, bye!"

I caught her attention as she disconnected from the call.

"Bella!" she squealed as she saw me.

She stood up and gave me a one-armed hug, using her free hand to support her growing bump. "Well? Tell me everything!" she demanded.

I smiled, and I'm pretty sure I blushed as I recalled Edward touching me before he left.

"He loves me."

I said it with a shaky voice, but it was a statement of fact, and Kate instantly beamed at me with understanding.

"And you talked about everything?" She questioned.

"Yes. In fact, we talked about staying here, well I mean in the cottage, instead of the hotel. Edward will pay you whatever you ask. Can we stay, please? Just until you need to move in there when the baby comes?"

"You don't need to pay us," she said, but not in a tone that indicated she was offended. "Bella, the strangest thing happened mid-morning on Saturday," she said cryptically and motioned for me to sit at the kitchen table.

"We got a couple of bookings within the space of an hour. I thought maybe it was just coincidence and it didn't really alert me, but by yesterday, after the fifteenth booking, I started to panic. I thought that maybe someone knew Edward was here and leaked it somehow. Emmett assured me that couldn't have happened.

"The curiosity was killing me so I asked the next person that emailed a booking where they heard about the B&B. She responded almost immediately with a link to a review on a travel website based out of Seattle." Kate paused and looked at me with a huge smirk, then turned her laptop towards me to show me the web page.

My words were there, somewhat abridged, but on the features page. I mentally thanked Eric (and his girlfriend Samantha) for getting it published so quickly.

Kate looked so pleased, and I was ecstatic that I'd fulfilled my purpose. I was indirectly helping Kate and Garrett financially by increasing their occupancy...the day just couldn't get any better.

"How did you do this? I'm so excited, it's exactly what we needed, some free promotion to bring some new travellers to the place. I could simply kiss you!"

"You don't need to thank me; it was just an honest review. You and Garrett have been so accommodating." I thought back to how utterly forlorn I was that night I turned up on their doorstep and met Kate for the first time. "You've been a wonderful friend and letting Edward and I stay in the cottage…I can't even tell you how much it means to me! Being alone with him all weekend, it was..."

What could I say? There were no words to describe what I had experienced with Edward; every time we touched, or talked, or just lay holding each other.

Time and time again the term 'soul mates' wafted into my consciousness. I was never what I considered to be a 'New Age' romantic, but even _I _couldn't think of another way to describe what I felt for Edward. I wasn't religious either; the thought of having a 'soul' seemed kind of unbelievable.

Kate started boiling the kettle to make me some tea.

"I'm so happy for you. You know that you're positively glowing right now. I _want_ you to stay, at least until I'm ready to be released from the hospital. Junior should be safely inside baking for another two weeks. I haven't had one of those Braxton hicks contractions for 24 hours, so that's a good sign, and it would be so comforting to know that you're just a few meters away, if this little one," she patted her bump affectionately, "decides to come early. Mum's not due to arrive until a day before my due date, so having you close would be a load off my mind! You'd be doing me a favor!"

Kate and I sipped tea and talked about how lucky we both were having Edward and Garrett.

A part of me lamented that Edward and I would never have a simple, non-public life, but it was a brief thought.

Kate was wonderful to talk to, but speaking with her about Edward just made me more keenly aware that I had to tell mum, dad and Jessica.

Mum would be fine, she'd be happy for me.

Charlie would probably take the news well. To Charlie, Edward Cullen was just a kid that had been to Forks High, and he knew and respected Edward's parents.

Jessica Stanley on the other hand...

My childhood friend had supported me daily through my obsession with a boy that was out of my league. She'd been my rock, when _he_ hadn't given me the time of day after that high school party.

Jessica had endured me obsessively justify why every spare moment I spent at _his_ bedside after his motorcycle accident, and then she had supported me through the highs of a brief relationship and then the depressive low of _him_ breaking my heart.

Jessica was also a massive fan of Edward Cullen, the Hollywood actor. She wouldn't be able to keep quiet. She'd tell everyone...it would get around our circle of friends like a bushfire in summer!

_It would be better coming from me. She'd lose her shit if she saw a pap photo of me with Edward in six months!_

_I _will_ call Jessica today, _I mentally asserted_._ Then I remembered something else that I needed to do as soon as possible.

"Kate?" I asked sheepishly. "I have a favor to ask you. Can you give me the name of your Doctor? I need to get a prescription for the pill."

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

The morning went by in a blur. That was until I had to film a scene with Rosalie.

Thankfully we didn't have to interact too much. We were using the wire harness. Most of it was just a few feet off the ground and in some instances Rosalie's body-double filled in for her.

Even though I'd done some wire stunts before, I'd skipped training to spend the weekend with Bella.

I tried not to let anything get me down. I wanted to stay in my head, where the memories of my time with Bella over weekend were fresh and new. I couldn't stop thinking about taking her to L.A., to my condo, but also to my parent's house. Subjecting Bella to my mother's and Alice's excitement would be necessary. I knew Bella would instantly connect with both of them. She'd already integrated into Ben and Angela's lives with complete ease.

It wasn't my family that I was worried about though, it was the thought of getting her to L.A. without the prying eyes of the media and leeches.

When I had five minutes alone in my trailer, I called Alice.

"Hey, you know...keeping Jasper waiting all this time to marry you, is completely wrong on so many levels."

"Edward–" she started, but I cut her off.

"Let me finish, Alice. I understand why. I couldn't even think of Bella not being with me to watch you marry your soul mate."

"Thank you for being reasonable. Now I just need to know when you'll be in the country and not jet-setting across the world making movies! Jasper said you're bringing Bella to L.A.?" She asked excitedly.

"Yes, I was thinking this weekend. If that's OK with you?"

"Of course, it's more than OK! I've been waiting almost eight years to meet her!" She laughed. I knew she could sense my happiness.

"Thanks Alice. I want to say 'sorry', for all the times I made fun of your gift. I'm eating humble pie right now."

"Don't apologize. I knew you'd never believe until... Well, I _know_ you believe, and Bella is 100% the girl I dreamed about. I just feel it! Email me when you have your flight details. I'll let mom know, she'll kill me if we don't give her enough warning. I'm sure she'll be baking up a storm for days."

The feeling of calm and contentment washed over me when I thought of my parent's house in L.A., and my mother's cooking. Last time I'd been there, I was so anxious about speaking to Bella–and of the possibility of losing her –that I'd somberly played the melancholy song from Bella's playlist...and barely interacted with anyone except Jasper; playing my guitar and drinking dad's whiskey.

That seemed like a lifetime ago, because she was with me now; I didn't lose her.

_I won't lose her._

I felt cocky and proud then. Was it obnoxious of me, knowing that my girlfriend was beautiful, selfless, talented and sexy, and that she loved me? The thought of living a life with her, sharing everything I am, and everything I own, made me so dizzy with happiness.

Marcus had to chastise me a few times for playing the character too upbeat. I was supposed to be brooding and at times, indifferent. I had to really focus to get my head back into the character.

Rosalie didn't help. She didn't speak to me except when reciting her lines, but 'huffed' and 'sighed' in an obviously frustrated way.

I felt sorry for her.

She was beautiful, but she was lonely and friendless. Her arrogance and self-assertiveness had always seemed to work for her, but she wasn't a happy, well-adjusted person. I started thinking about how different she would be, if she found someone that didn't take her crap, that respected her enough to call her out on her bullshit, and give her a different kind of support; an encouraging view of life, from a totally different perspective.

I caught sight of Emmett by the catering trailer. He was talking to one of the makeup girls, and Rosalie was staring at the exchange with a simple sadness that spoke volumes.

_Maybe I should tell him. He's the type of guy that would worship her, but cut her down when she was selfish or unkind to other people._

Even contemplating the thought of pushing Emmett to Rosalie seemed ridiculous to me; like I was giving-in to her bratty demands.

_Maybe I can just tell Emmett and let him decide? _

_Or maybe, I should just let fate takes its course... _

_~0~_

**~~Bella~~**

**Bella Swan:** Hi mum, you're online?

**RenDwyer:** Bella, it works! I have no idea what I'm doing with this thing!

I smiled and visualized my mum sitting at home on Phil's laptop.

Phil must have set up Skype for her, there's no way she would have worked it out on her own.

Renee was just as techno-phobic as Charlie; they were so alike it was scary.

**Bella Swan:** How are you, how's Phil? Did you buy a boat?

**RenDwyer:** Not yet, but we still plan on sailing around the Whitsunday's over the Christmas holidays. How are you? How's your writing coming along?

I thought I'd chicken out about telling her, on Skype, that I was in love with Edward Cullen, but as soon as she asked me how I was, I realized I needed to tell her. I'd never had the luxury of being able to discuss my relationship with Riley with her, and I didn't want to repeat that mistake.

**Bella Swan:** I'm in love. I've met a man and I'm insanely in love!

**RenDwyer:** What? You've only been in Canada six weeks! How can you be in love? Isabella Marie Swan, can you video call me on this thing please?

I took in a deep breath. There was no backing out now.

Of all the people I needed to tell about Edward, I thought my mother would be the easiest. Maybe I'd been wishful thinking. This is massive news to Renee, because as far as she was concerned, I was still an innocent virgin, who'd never had any sexual experience beyond reading one of her Jilly Cooper novels at age fifteen.

**Bella Swan:** Sure, just click on accept when it asks you.

I adjusted the screen on my laptop and tried to plaster a happy smile on my face, all the while I was so anxious for what she would say to me.

"There you are," she beamed once she could see me.

"Hey mum, you colored you hair? It looks fantastic!"

"Thanks baby, I love it too...Wait, no distracting me. You've met a man? You're in love? How old is he? What does he do for a living? Is he Canadian? Are you being safe?"

I realized just how much I'd missed my mum's quirky personality, her familiar American drawl—still prominent after all these years, yet tinged with a warm Australian lilt to her words.

My smile was genuine, because I wanted to tell her all about the man that had my heart, my soul, and my body. He'd have me forever.

If anyone could understand the enormity of me being in love with Edward, it would be Renee. She followed Phil, taking me—still a toddler—and relocating to a country on the other side of the world. She followed him because she was in love with her soul mate.

She looked cautious yet excited for me, just like I knew she would be.

"Yes, I'm completely in love. He's twenty-three. He's not Canadian he's American. He's a musician, and an actor. Yes, I've been using protection..." I covered my face with my hands as I remembered just how many condoms Edward and I had used over the weekend, and then my excitement at filling my prescription for the pill. Kate had instantly made me an appointment with her GP, when I asked her earlier in the day.

"I love him, he loves me." I admitted.

"I sense some trepidation, Bella," she said.

When I looked up, she looked confused.

"He's kind of famous, so we're only telling close friends and family. He wants to protect me from any exposure to the media, for now."

"Famous?" she questioned. "What's his name, what kind of actor is he?"

Here goes.

"Edward Cullen. I met him in the hotel bar. He was composing a song. I wrote the lyrics."

I knew Renee would know of Edward Cullen. Telling her about the song just flowed from my lips. I wanted it to sound like a natural thing, even though only Edward and I knew how completely unnatural it was for me to have slipped into that freaky trance and written those exact words to Episode.

I believed Edward when he told me we were meant to meet...why else would that have happened to me?

Renee's squeal distracted me from trying to decode every detail of that night in my head.

"Edward Cullen? Bella, he's gorgeous! I'm reading that novel, what's it called...um, you know, the one that will be made into a movie. It's the new book in my reading group."

I watched as her face moved out of view and when she reappeared she was holding a well read paperback.

"Wait! Bella, all the magazines here are saying he's dating an actress called Rosalie, that they've been a couple since they made that movie together a few of years ago."

And then I saw that look of doubt and pity in her eyes. It was the same expression she couldn't hide from me when I told her I was in love with the popular boy at school, the one that didn't give me the time of day.

_Is this what will happen? Every time I claim that I'm Edward Cullen's girlfriend and that he loves me, people will doubt it? People will think I'm delusional because they believe whatever is written in print, whatever story is written for them to consume? _

I knew Jessica would doubt, but my own mother? I wasn't prepared for her not to believe me.

A surge of anxiety flushed my skin.

_Just this morning I was anxious about people knowing he was mine. Now I was anxious that people would never believe. _

"It's not true. The magazines write these things to increase circulation. Edward and I are together and he loves me."

I tried to sound confident in that assertion. By the look on her face, I didn't think she was convinced.

"I'm meeting his family soon. I'm going to tell Dad, and Jessica. I know it's gonna be hard, but if it means I get to try with him, I will. He's the one, mum. He's it for me. I love him so much!"

I hoped my mum would recognize why I used those particular words. She'd told me, time and time again, when I asked her why she left Charlie that she knew he wasn't it for her, and when she found Phil, she knew instantly, he was the one.

I chanted in my head: _please believe me! I need your support this time!_

"Bella, that's just so...if you're sure, if he is the one, then I'm so happy for you! I just want you to be happy," she smiled and clapped her hands together.

The rest of the conversation went well. I told her about Edward's connection to Forks. I told her about Ben and Angela, and how they invited me to drive with them to Forks for Thanksgiving. The only awkwardness in the conversation came when she told me she didn't think that Jessica could keep it a secret, and maybe I should rethink telling her right away.

"It's up to you baby girl, but I think you can wait a while longer. I love Jessica to bits, but she's never been reliable keeping secrets." She said.

However, Jessica _had_ kept the secret of Riley's affair with me; maybe she would keep this secret, if I asked her to?

The anxiety of making the decision to keep it from Jessica kept me stressed most of the day, until I decided I could put it off until tomorrow.

There wasn't any answer when I called home to Forks, so I was off the hook telling Charlie for another day as well.

I was relieved that out of the three people I needed to tell about Edward, at least I'd told my mum.

It was surreal sitting at the dining table in the cottage—in the same chair Edward had sat at when we'd…connected on Saturday morning.

I could feel the rising flush of heat engulf my throat and then cheeks when I remembered how erotically intense it had been.

I tried to calm myself enough to call Eric, to thank him for placing the feature. It was more difficult than I expected.

But Eric put me at ease, laughing about how I 'owed him for life' now, but how he would always take care of his 'baby sister'. Our conversation was short; he had a deadline…

So I sat and got caught up in my memories of Edward, reliving our perfect and secluded weekend. Being alone with him, with no fear of having to face people judging us, or questioning our love, or interrupting our time to absorb each other—I knew it would be short-lived. I tried to block the worry and hold on to the bliss of Edward, yet a slither of dread was making my limbs feel heavy.

When my phone rang, and I saw the display, all my anxiety melted away.

"Edward," I said shyly.

"I miss you. I've missed you all day," he whispered. "Only a few more hours and..."

His words held an air of anticipation. I recalled the way he had touched me this morning and the promise he made before he left.

'I'll be thinking about you all day; about loving you properly tonight.'

"I miss you too." I was unable to conceal the desire in my tone. "Kate said we could stay here."

"I wish I was there now," he said.

"Did you speak to your lawyer, about Bree?" I asked.

"Yes. He told me not to make any comment. I'll just ignore it, like I would any other fabricated story. He won't get involved unless someone writes something specifically regarding the legal implication of the age difference, or anything else slanderous."

"I suppose it makes sense to ignore it. I mean it's so ridiculous that you and her..."

I stopped myself from speaking, because even though it was the most ridiculous thing to me, it would be completely plausible to the general public.

"Bella, I want you to come to L.A. with me on the weekend. I need you to meet my parents and my sister. Will you come? Please say 'yes'."

"Yes," I said instantly. My heart pounded and I felt light-headed.

I'm going to meet Edward's family!

"You don't know how happy that makes me. I'll arrange the flight for Friday night. I've got to go. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye." I said softly, and then he was gone.

I tried to imagine what it would be like to go to L.A. with Edward.

Would we sit next to each other on the plane? No. We'd be in public, so we'd act as if we didn't know one another.

I wondered what it would be like to talk to his sister. I had an image of her in my head; dark hair, gorgeous hazel eyes and skin as pale as Edward's.

What if she doesn't like me? What if I make a complete fool out of myself in front of his family? What if they think I'm not good enough for him?

I knew I could sit there for hours and make myself sick with worry, so I tried to focus on writing instead.

Kate had written down her wifi password, so I connected and downloaded my emails.

Jessica had emailed me!

**From**: Stanley, Jessica  
**To:** Bella Swan  
**Subject**: I am in love!

Hey Bella,

Oh my God! I'm in love!

Austin has been staying with me every night. I can't believe it. He's so sweet and he's soooo into me! He takes me out to dinner almost every night. Friday night, he picked me up from work and had a beautiful bunch of roses for me. He took me to The Rocks for cocktails and dinner. He bought me a really lovely Pandora bracelet for the one-month anniversary of our first date! It must have cost a small fortune!

Oh and you'll never guess who we saw on the other night. Remember Peter Dodds from school? He ended up marrying Charlotte Morris and they have a baby! Peter looked so haggard, and had the beginnings of a receding hairline. He tried to make his life sound awesome, but it sounded pretty crappy to me. He moved to the burbs and bought a McMansion. He used to be so hot when we were in school and now he just looks pathetic, tired and a little overweight. I don't know what I ever saw in the guy. Austin is way cuter!

I stopped reading.

Jessica frustrated me so much. Everything she wrote was about what Austin bought her or where he took her, nothing at all about him, about his personality, or about what she admired in him, apart from his looks.

I'd never thought that she was so shallow. Her comment about Peter made me fume. The bitterness in her tone was so obvious to me. She'd been devastated that Peter chose to kiss Charlotte at that game of spin-the-bottle at that party! Peter was married and in love, and Jessica couldn't even see past herself to be happy for him and Charlotte? What makes her the expert on his life and how he had chosen to live it?

_She'll never understand what I have with Edward, she will never comprehend how deeply in love I am with him, and he with me. _

I just knew it. I knew she would judge me and have a perception of Edward not based on fact, but based on what she'd seen written in one of those trashy magazines. I could almost hear her whining voice, gossiping to our friends about how I was delusional and mad to think that Edward Cullen, the American actor that's dating a Hollywood starlet, would want boring bookworm Bella Swan!

Then I realized I'd done the same thing. I'd convinced myself that Edward wouldn't—_couldn't_—really want me. Had my poor self-esteem rubbed off on everyone else? If I didn't believe it 72 hours ago, how could I expect Jessica to?

_I've been so blind. _

Maybe Jessica wouldn't believe, until she saw a picture of Edward and I together in New Idea magazine?

I closed the email. Mum was right. I couldn't tell Jessica.

_Not yet._

Edward wouldn't be back to the cottage until very late, and I knew I wasn't in any state to write a single word. I decided to ask Kate if I could use her car. I needed to drive back to the hotel to get some more clothes, and I thought I should return the rental car that was sitting unused in the basement parking lot.

The only thing I wanted to think about was spending the night with Edward in this comfortable cottage, and traveling with him to L.A. to meet his family.

_I'll just take every day as it comes._

I parked Kate's car just down from the hotel entrance. I was ticking off my mental list as I walked into the foyer: _pack my jeans, clean underwear, and my bed-socks. Maybe my cozzie, I can use the pool. Take the rental car back._

"Miss Swan!"

I looked up to see Mike walking towards the concierge desk. He was smiling.

"Hi Mike! Call me Bella," I smiled back, as I met him at the desk.

"Sorry, Bella. Force of habit, I guess. I have a message for you."

I watched as Mike flicked through some envelopes and pulled out one to hand to me. It simply had my room number and name scrawled on the front.

"Thanks Mike. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Kate loaned me her car, it's parked out front. I need to take the rental car back. Can I park her car in the basement for an hour?"

Mike smiled widely at me. "I can do that for you, Bella. I'll arrange to have the rental car returned and I'll personally move Kate's car into the parking garage. All I need are the keys. It's all part of the service." He said suavely.

"Mike, I think you're severely under-appreciated! Thank you." I pulled Kate's car keys out of my bag and handed them to him. "I'll just have to get the rental car keys from my room," I said. "I'll run up now."

"No hurry, Bella."

I turned to walk towards the lift, simultaneously opening the envelope when I heard someone call my name.

"_Bella!_"

When I turned, I had to blink twice to comprehend. I was in mild shock.

_What's he doing here?_

~0~


	45. Lament

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

"Dad?"

Before I could say anything more, Charlie lifted me up and twirled me in the air, like I was no heavier than a six year old. As soon as he put me down, I saw Elaine walking towards us smiling happily.

"You're here! Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" I asked, dizzy and still in shock, although my shock was quickly morphing into excitement.

"Lainey and I arrived this morning. We've been waiting in the restaurant all day."

"I told him to call you on your cell, but your dad wanted it to be a surprise." said Elaine, with a laugh and a soft hand on his forearm.

The whole situation was intensely surreal until I saw a diamond ring glistening on Elaine's ring finger.

"You? Oh come-on! Oh my gosh! This is…_perfect_! I thought Eric was joking when he said you'd be engaged soon!" I exclaimed.

Elaine was positively glowing and I'd never seen my dad smile so widely in his entire life.

_Charlie's getting married! _

"When?" I asked as I hugged Elaine.

"We don't see the point in waiting," said Charlie sheepishly. "We're thinking Thanksgiving. Something casual in the yard. No big deal."

But it was a _huge_ deal. My father had been unmarried for more than twenty years. I was so excited that he had Elaine. I could see their love. It was amazingly uplifting. I was proud of him. They had already moved-in together, and now marriage. I was overjoyed for them.

_Edward can meet my dad and Elaine! I can introduce him as my boyfriend! Tonight!_

"Where are you staying?" I blurted out, suddenly anxious to speak to Edward.

"We haven't thought about that yet; we drove straight here. We'll probably just find a cheap motel," he said casually.

I knew my dad didn't have mountains of money stashed away. Elaine's ring probably cost a small fortune, and he'd need to pay for the wedding.

"Stay right here a minute." I said before I walked back to Mike at the concierge desk.

I realized I was still holding the unopened envelope that he'd handed me only a few minutes earlier. I pushed it into the back pocket of my jeans.

_I have the perfect solution. _

"Mike? My dad and his.._.fiancé, _are going to be using my room for a while. That's OK isn't it? I'm probably going to stay with Kate and Garrett, to help out until she has the baby."

"It's not hotel policy," he gave me a cheeky smile. "However, your room is already paid for, so it's fine. I'm glad you're going to be staying with Kate. Garrett's been worried about her."

I watched Mike swipe two room cards over a reader and then place them in the hotel branded paper holder, along with a very recognizable purple VIP card.

"Both room cards will allow access to the parking garage. I'll have some complimentary champagne delivered to the room immediately, Bella. I hope they enjoy their stay," he handed me the cardholder.

I didn't know what to say. Mike was so lovely. In my excitement, I simply leaned over the counter and kissed him on the cheek. "Mike, you're the best!"

Mike's eyes lit up with amused surprise. "No problem, Bella," he said shyly.

I walked back to Charlie and Elaine, who were staring into each other's eyes lovingly.

"It's all settled," I said, as I pulled out one of the cards and handed it to Charlie.

"Dad, you can move the car into the parking garage. The entry is on the West side of the hotel. You're both staying in my room on the eight floor; Room 810. I'm staying with a friend for a couple of weeks, and the room is already paid for, so _no _arguments! Breakfast in the restaurant is also included. Consider it my engagement gift."

I was bracing myself for Charlie to argue, but he didn't. He looked at Elaine's excited expression and simply pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead. "Thank you, kiddo."

"Dad, I'm not a–"

"Kid, I know. Sorry Bells." he said.

"Are you sure it's OK Bella?" asked Elaine.

"Yes! Come on! Dad, I'll take Elaine up to the room and you can go and move the car and bring up the bags," I instructed. "Room 810 is on the eighth-floor."

Before I knew it, Elaine and I were in the lift and then in my small hotel room.

"Bella, this is really beautiful," gushed Elaine.

I watched her potter around the tiny room, and pull the sheer curtains back to look at the view. Her excitement was infectious.

"Quick, tell me how he proposed before he comes back and gets all embarrassed," I laughed.

I watched Elaine's cheeks turn a vibrant crimson.

We both sat on the perfectly-made bed.

"Your father took me to a cute Italian restaurant in Port Angeles. He told me he had two weeks vacation, and that he wanted to come and visit you here. He was so nervous, and I thought maybe he thought I'd say 'no' when he asked me to come with him, but that wasn't the reason he was so nervous. Do you know what he did?"

I shook my head, grinning with excitement.

"He got down on one knee…after we'd eaten our dessert, and he asked me to marry him in front of everyone there!" Elaine twirled the beautiful ring on her finger. "I nearly fainted when I saw it, Bella. It was so romantic!"

I tried to picture the scene; my dad offering Elaine a ring in a public place.

"I'm so happy for you!" I gushed.

I was. I saw how much they loved each other. I knew my father had waited a hell of a long time to find someone, but now he had Elaine; now they had each other.

I took in a deep breath. I wanted to call Edward, desperately. My excitement made me giddy, yet completely anxious and nauseous.

_Edward can meet my dad, even if it has to be a secret from everyone else._

"Elaine, I have to drop some keys down to the concierge desk," I said when I remembered that Mike said he'd arrange for the rental car to be returned. "I'll leave you to get settled and then I'm taking you and dad to dinner tonight."

I quickly pulled open the bedside table drawer and pulled out the rental car keys.

"I won't be long. I've got some news too," I said shyly.

Elaine stared at me, a smile spread across her face instantly.

"The friend you said you're staying with, is it the boy you like?" she asked cautiously.

All I could do was smile. I wanted to blurt out everything, but instead, I tried to hold some kind of non-existent composure.

"Yes! You were right, he's actually _not _dating anyone else, it was a silly misunderstanding. I'm going to call him and see if he can join us for dinner, or if he has to work late, drinks tonight. I really want you and dad to meet him."

Elaine didn't press for more information; she simply walked towards me with confidence and happiness and hugged me. "Looks like we both get to be with the man of our dreams," she whispered. "Pinch me later if I drift off into a daze, because everything since Friday night seems like a dream, Bella!"

I agreed with her. _Everything _since Friday seemed almost surreal; Edward singing to me, our declarations, him making love to me, over and over. His promise to me that we'd make it work, and that the anonymity of our relationship would only be necessary until his contractual obligation was void. That our family and friends would know that he loved me, that we were soul mates.

"We deserve it!" I said with unreserved conviction. "I'll be back soon," I said as I pulled away from her comforting embrace.

Just as I was leaving the room, a bell boy arrived with a tray holding an ice-bucket with a bottle, a small dish of cut strawberries and three shiny champagne flutes.

"Compliments of the Hotel," he said.

Elaine looked incredibly happy. I watched as he placed the tray on the desk and she slipped him a tip. "Thank you ma'am," he said as he left the room.

"Bella! This is amazing!"

"I'll be right back," I said and gave her a playful pinch on her arm. "It's all real, Elaine!" I laughed as I practically skipped from the room.

I could barely contain my excitement as I waited for the lift. I was instantly calling Edward's phone.

It went to voicemail.

"Edward! Can you call me when you're on a break? Can you come to the hotel tonight? I really need to talk to you, it's _really_ important." I realized that I sounded panicked, because I hoped he wasn't going to be held up on-set. I wanted so desperately for him to be here to meet Dad and Elaine tonight.

I slipped my phone in my back pocket, remembered the envelope that Mike had given me and ripped it open.

I read. I stared at the words. They didn't make sense.

_Dear Bella,_

_I need to see you, to explain everything. You didn't read my letters. Please meet with me. I just want to talk about everything that happened. I can't live with myself any longer, knowing that you don't know the truth. I'm staying in room 3315._

_Love Riley_

I could feel the blood drain from my face.

_He's here? He's in Vancouver? He's in my hotel!_

The lift doors opened and I stepped out. Sudden déjà vu consumed me. It felt like the happiness that I just felt seeped out of my body and into the cold marble floor. I had reverted to the state of shock I was in, after I'd fled from Edward's suite, convinced that he loved someone else; convinced that he loved Rosalie Hale.

I didn't _want _to see Riley. I couldn't even imagine speaking to him now.

I was finally with Edward. I had finally accepted Edward's love for me and my worthiness of it. I didn't want anything to take that way from me, or plunge me back into the self-deprecating girl that I was only a few short days ago.

I couldn't even contemplate that Riley had flown from Sydney to Vancouver, let alone what he could possibly want to say to me; what his 'truth' would be.

My eyes scanned the foyer with dread. I wasn't ready; I'd never be ready to face the pain of seeing him again.

_I'm with Edward and Edward loves me, _I chanted.

I walked briskly to Mike and handed him the rental car keys.

"Is everything OK, Bella?" Mike looked concerned.

"This letter," I said, holding it as if it was about to burn my fingers. "Who? When did he…?"

"Mr. Biers checked in late last night, Bella. He left that note for you first thing this morning."

"Oh," I said.

My hands were trembling.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I took in three deep calming breaths and tried desperately to ignore her.

Rosalie kept verbally pushing me. I wished she'd go back to ignoring me, like she did this morning, but now she'd started, I knew she wouldn't stop until I gave her the reaction she was after.

She wanted me to be angry.

"I don't know what the appeal is. Dating a _nobody_? It's cruel, really. Why do you even bother? It's not like it'll last. It was like seeing a bunny in the headlights on-set the other day. You're such a masochist, Edward. You should be dating someone like Zafrina. She's going places, and she at least knows how this business works."

I read it for what it was. Rosalie was pissed that the gossip sites and magazines were talking about Bree Tanner, and her sudden and intense 'relationship' with me. The stories were all about how I wanted someone younger and prettier than Rosalie Hale.

Rosalie didn't like it, one bit. Her insecurities were being discussed publicly, and she couldn't make a single comment about any of it.

By now, I should have completely lost my cool at her, but I was surprisingly calm.

_Bella and I are together. I don't give a fuck that the media writes about fake relationships they've made up to increase their circulation and sell more advertising space_.

Remembering my blissful weekend with my girlfriend, gave me the strength to shut Rosalie's hateful words down. I wasn't going to let her get to me. I wasn't going to be the recipient of her frustration.

We continued filming stunts. The wire harness I had to wear was chafing the inside of my leg and cutting into my lower back. It was physically draining.

The stunt guy was hovering just out of shot. At every break he kept reminding me about the safety protocols, because I'd skipped training on Saturday morning to be with Bella at the B&B.

At least I had memories of my weekend to counter-balance the discomfort.

_We get to stay in the cottage for two weeks. Two weeks of _living_ with Bella._

I could feel my heart rate quicken with the thought of sleeping in the same bed as her every night. I was insanely excited to introduce her to my family this weekend. It would make it all real, for them to know her, like I did.

Marcus told us to take a break. He was waiting on the 'perfect' light of sunset to attempt to film a particular scene off the ground. We were going to be in the harness for over an hour, so he directed us to freshen up beforehand.

I checked my phone when I got back to the location trailer. Bella had called me twice.

_"Edward! Can you call me when you're on a break? Can you come to the hotel tonight? I really need to talk to you, it's really important."_

I wondered why she'd sounded so anxious. I called her back right away.

No connection.

I thought it was odd that she wanted me to meet her at the Hotel, when she'd already said that we could stay at the B&B.

I called her room at the hotel. It rang until the hotel message service activated.

I called Mike at the concierge desk.

"Hi Mike, it's Edward Cullen."

"Hello Mr. Cullen, how may I assist you?"

"Is Bella at the hotel?"

"Yes, I believe she's still here Mr. Cullen."

"Thanks. Can you put me through to her room? I'll leave a message, she's not answering her cell."

"Certainly Sir, I'll put you straight through."

When the message activated, I spoke softly.

"Hi. Of course I can come to the Hotel, but I thought we were going to stay at the B&B tonight? I seem to recall I promised something to you this morning." I whispered, as I recalled touching her. "I can't stop thinking about you. I can't wait to see you. I'm an absolute mess trying to stay in character today Bella. All I can think about is our weekend," I said seductively. "I've gotta go. I _love_ you. I'll hopefully see you before nine. I'll come to your room. Bye."

I disconnected and closed my eyes.

_I just need to get through this shoot, and I can be with her._

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I thanked Mike and started to walk back towards the lift, when I sensed _him_. A cold shiver rippled up my spine and across my scalp.

I turned and looked up into the tired eyes of Riley Biers.

"_Bella_," he said, relieved.

I could feel myself trembling. My head kept shaking 'no, no'. I'm not ready for this. I need to get out of here.

"_Please_ Bella. I just need to talk to you. _Please_," he sounded so broken.

I stood rooted to the spot, unable to move and inch.

"Come to my room. I need to be alone with you, to talk," he said softly.

"No!" I said in anger.

_His room? What the fuck? How dare he! _

Kate's words filtered into my consciousness _'Bella, if Riley Biers walked through that door right now, what would you say to him?'_

"Bella, I don't mean…I just want to talk to you in private." he pleaded.

I was suddenly conscious of the busy lobby, but there was no way I would go anywhere 'private' with him. He forfeited the right to ever make me feel hidden again.

"Whatever you need to say to me, just say it. I'm not going anywhere with you." I said bluntly.

He closed his eyes, pained and tired, and I watched as he licked his dry lips and rubbed his face.

_His face. _

He was not the boy I remembered from three years ago. He looked older and weary. I could feel my eyes stinging with tears, because I still remembered how much I'd loved him, and how happy he once made me.

"I had to come. You _didn't_ read them," he sounded incredulous.

I stayed silent.

"I can't blame you, but you need to know the truth. I _need_ you to know the truth," he said, and leaned towards me.

I swallowed and tried to straighten my posture.

_We both need closure._

"Just say what you need to say." I said.

I watched as he rubbed his hand over his face again and his weight shifted from foot-to-foot.

I stood my ground. I stared at his tired brown eyes, my heart pounding faster with each second that he didn't speak.

"I can't believe it's taken me this long," he said.

Then he finally looked to my eyes.

I couldn't look away.

"I stood outside your apartment for weeks, after that night. I didn't expect you to take my calls, and I didn't have the balls to face you. My excuses would have sounded lame. I thought it better that you hate me, than think my obligation to my family was more important than you, than our love."

_Obligation? He thought I hated him? _

_I told him every day we were together that I loved him. _

Even after seeing him with Victoria, I couldn't _hate_. I couldn't even get angry because I hated myself for not being good enough for him, for throwing myself at him, and for thinking that I could be worthy of his love.

"I love you, Bella. I've _been_ in love with you since I saw you sitting next to my bed, reading Tim Winton in that claustrophobic hospital room."

_What? He loves me? If you love someone you don't treat them like he treated me! If you love someone, you don't lie, and cheat, and break their heart!_

"I know I owe you an explanation, and I only hope you'll understand and forgive me. I have no right to even expect you to. But all I've had to keep me sane in the last three years is the belief that you'll forgive me.

"Bella, I just need you to know, _everything_."

I could feel myself biting down on my lip, as I watched the torture in Riley's expression. He seemed so hopeful; his tone was so sad and pleading. I held my held high as I waited for him to continue.

Suddenly, it didn't matter that we were standing in the middle of the lobby. Guests and staff moved around the periphery of us; the tension that was so visible in my posture was a warning.

I could feel Mike's eyes on me, and it was like a comforting lifeline. I knew I could run to him, if this all became too much for me.

But unlike the reaction I had all those years ago_—_to run_—_I didn't want to run from Riley this time. I _wanted_ him to speak. I needed to get a glimpse inside his thoughts, because I'd always wondered what I did wrong. What was real and what was lie in my relationship with him?

"You already know that Victoria and I grew up together. Our parents were close. Victoria's father was like a dad to me, and Victoria was the daughter my mother always wanted.

"After the _accident_, I took a job with Victoria's dad. You remember that I was working for him when we were together..."

I clenched my hands into fists and resisted the urge to wrap my arms protectively around the ache in my chest.

"My parents had spent their retirement savings and re-mortgaged their house to pay for the best doctors. I'm their only child, of course they would pay for my surgery and rehabilitation, but I felt overwhelming _guilt_. I had to pay them back. I didn't want to be responsible for them losing their house.

"Victoria's father wanted me to work for him; he wanted me to learn the business. He knew Victoria would never want to take it on. Can you imagine Victoria trying to manage a national Civil Engineering business?"

I inwardly cringed that he would even think that I'd ever want to know what Victoria felt about _anything_.

I held my composure.

"Mick Marshall he gave me everything, taught me everything I needed to know. Bella, my loyalty to this man was absolute. I loved him like he was my own father. He was a great man; he was my mentor.

"There was nothing he wanted more than for Victoria and I to get married and have children; children that would carry on the family business."

My knees started to shake. Since I was fourteen, I fantasized that I'd be the woman he'd marry and start a family with. I'd wanted that. _I'd wanted him._

I stared at Riley blankly, and kept my silence.

_Just let him get this off his chest. Just a few more minutes and it will be over!_

"Victoria and I went along with it. We dated, but there was no passion, only obligation, to keep our parents happy, to make them proud. To bind our families together.

"My mother thought Victoria was the only girl there would ever be for me; that I'd never meet anyone else, anyone that I'd want to bring home. She was right. Until you.

"Bella, you intrigued me from the moment I saw you dancing at Seth's party all those years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday. You were so carefree; you were so beautiful. You danced by yourself. You never got caught up with the pressure of being in the cool crowd; you didn't try to be someone you're not. I wanted that Bella. I wanted to just _be_. Sport, drama classes, my art; it was all for show."

Now I seconds from breaking down.

_Why is he telling me this now? To break me, to hurt me even more? _

His words were like salt in a wound that never completely healed after his betrayal.

"At that party I got a taste of rebellion, of doing something for me, not for my parents. I wanted to kiss you. I told Seth to set up the game of spin-the-bottle. I needed to touch you."

Images bombarded me.

_His kiss, the taste of cola on his lips, his warm hands on my waist._ _His words,_ _'I will kiss you again one day.'_

I felt an errant tear drip slowly down my cheek.

"Victoria and I were together until just before I turned eighteen. Everything after that was pretense, to please our parents. After I recovered from the accident, we planned that she would go overseas, get away, see the world. We were going to tell our parents that we'd spilt up when she got back. We knew it would be hard. But we were determined to see it through.

"But then Vicky came back early because her father fell ill. We decided not to tell him, we decided we'd keep up the farce of our relationship. She knew I was in love with you. I told her everything, Bella. She understood, she met a guy in Canada and she wanted to go back to him."

I didn't want to know that he discussed _our_ relationship with her!

_Why could he tell her about us and yet, keep me in the dark?_

"I _wanted_ to tell you. I wanted to tell you everything, but I was too fucking blind Bella. You were my savior; you were my sanctum from the drudgery and deception. Those nights we spent together, just talking, _feeling_. They were the best nights of my life. I was scared shitless that I'd lose you. I was fucking selfish. I kept convincing myself that everything would work out, that Vicky's father would get better, and that I'd finally have the guts the guts to tell our families.

"And then you saw me, and I know how that must have looked to you, but I never cheated on you Bella. I swear to you, even though it looked real, Victoria and I never… I only wanted you. I've not been with anyone since that morning; the morning that I made love to you and lied about going to a business meeting."

He was staring into my eyes as I wiped away the tear. I didn't know what to say, or what he expected me to say. It all seemed too surreal to comprehend.

"Victoria's father passed three months ago. He left the business to me and Victoria, equal share. She's happy for me to run it; we came clean with our families. We told them that we'd only ever be friends, that we'll never be anything more than that. I'm ashamed that it took the death of Victoria's father for us to realize, life's too short, that we were stupid, living our lives to please our families, not being with the people we loved. It makes me sick to know what I put you through.

"I know it's too little too late. I can't expect that you would forgive me instantly, but please Bella, I need you to know that I love you. I've never stopped loving you. Every day I curse myself for not explaining it all to you. I'm sorry. I'll regret letting you believe the lie for the rest of my life. I love you. I'll always love you."

_No, this isn't happening!_

I watched as Riley inched closer to me, his hands wringing themselves together as if he was chanting a prayer.

"I want another chance; a chance to make things right. I'll make it up to you Bella, every single day. I'll cherish you; you've always deserved to be cherished. I can't even stomach the thought of being with anyone else. You are my life and you always will be. I love you Bella, please, _please_ however long it takes. I'll wait, I'll wait until you give me the chance to make it all up to you."

My mind was in a downward spiral. I just couldn't comprehend that he consciously decided to let me believe he didn't love me or want me. That he let me believe that I meant nothing. That the intense time we spent together could be thrown away. Why? Because he owed his parents money? I would have understood if he'd told me! We could have worked something out. I would have done anything.

_If he'd been honest with me, things would be so different now._

My body felt hollow at that thought. It wasn't because of what Riley was saying; it was because I would never have met Edward if I'd known the truth. I knew, if Riley had told me this five weeks ago, before I'd even met Edward, I'd be falling into his embrace right now, relieved that those feelings of love weren't in my imagination. That everything I'd experienced with him was real. I'd been so dependent on him. I'd built Riley up in my mind to be _everything_, and it made me feel sick because I knew I would've taken him back in a heartbeat.

But I wasn't that girl anymore.

The girl that Riley Biers loved, that Bella Swan was the chrysalis, cocooned in denial and self-hatred.

I was now the butterfly that would face the world with boundless energy, empathy, strength and support. I refused to live my life in a glass jar and no one would fucking dare try to pin my wings!

Riley stepped towards me. I could tell he wanted to touch me. It would be cruel to tell him he was only weeks too late, when I could see the hope in his eyes. I stepped back and out of his reach.

"I'm sorry, Riley. It's too late. I'm not that girl anymore. I finally moved on. I'm happy. You need to move on from this. I know you can be happy too."

He shook his head 'no'.

"No, Bella. You know we belong together. We can get through this. I bought us a house. It has a painting studio and a beautiful study that looks across the Harbour. It's your room to write. I'm wealthy, I can look after you, we can be together. I _can_ fix this. I need you."

_Buying 'us' a house, looking after me, with no consultation? _

I felt an overwhelming sadness for him.

"You love me, Bella. I know you do!"

I _had_ loved him, past tense. I'd loved him blindly and willingly. But those feelings were destroyed because, even as I looked at him now, the trust was gone. He could never earn that back, and what we'd had could never compare to what I now had with Edward.

"I'll always remember our love, but we can never get that back. You broke my heart. You chose not to let me be involved in a decision that affected us both. You destroyed the trust, the blind faith that I had in you. You didn't give me a choice. That hurts more than me believing you wanted someone else."

"_Please_ just give me one more chance. We can take it slow. I can restore that trust, I swear."

"I can't..."

"You've met someone," he stated, rather than asking. He sounded frantic.

I didn't see the point in lying to him.

"Yes."

"_No_!" his tone was half anger, half disbelief.

"You said you'd be mine, forever. I can't lose you, I just can't. You have to give me another chance!"

I could feel the anger burning me inside. "You don't get to input into my decisions. You lost the right when you..." I couldn't finish.

I took in a deep breath.

"You should go back to Sydney. I can't give you what you want."

Then his hand grabbed my wrist. "Bella. It wasn't an accident."

I looked down to his hand.

His fingers were stubby and yet, perfectly manicured. His hand was sweaty, but that wasn't what alerted me. There was nothing. There was no _feeling_. His touch didn't register, not like it once had. There was no thumping in the pit of my stomach, or zinging electricity coursing through my veins.

I met his eyes with a pointed stare and he released me.

Tears fell from his eyes. "It wasn't an _accident__!_" he repeated.

_What? _

I knew what he was implying and now, suddenly, words that he had spoken to me in the past made sense:

'_It was you Bella, not Victoria, that made me _want_ to recover.'_

_No!_

"But why?" I asked.

It didn't make sense that he would want to hurt himself.

_He wanted to die?_

"But you had everything. You were popular, talented. You were in Art School. You loved it there. You could do _anything_! Why are you telling me this now?" I sobbed.

"Because I need you. I needed you then. You made me want to live. I need you back; I need to be with you. Everything is right when I'm with you. _Everything_."

"You'll be OK. I can't be there for you. I'm sorry." I tried to ignore the ache in my chest at the thought he wanted to hurt himself.

"I _won't_ be OK!"

I looked up into his dark eyes. I tried to deny what I thought he was implying.

_This is emotional blackmail!_

"No. You can't do that to me. You can't make me feel _guilty_! After everything you've just told me, why would you even try and guilt me into living a life that I don't want now? How could you do that to me?"

His expression morphed from desperate to shocked, as my accusation registered. "Oh God no, Bella. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"I want you to be happy. I just can't be the person to give you happiness. You need to forgive yourself. You'll get through this; you're a survivor. I forgive you and I know you'll be happy, because I am. I gave myself permission. You can do it too."

I turned and walked to the lift. My hands were shaking.

The doors opened and when an older couple exited I stepped in.

I couldn't look back at him. I couldn't. It was done.

_It's over._

When the doors opened I realized I'd descended to the basement parking-garage.

I stepped out of the lift. My heart was racing, but I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and clarity.

Riley did love me. I didn't imagine it. My mind had twisted the truth of what I believed to cope with the loss of him. I blamed myself, I convinced myself that I did something wrong. I was so stripped of self-worth that I was too quick to dismiss everything I felt was real, and doubt everything I believed to be true, instantly.

I'd been through so much, and I'd felt intense love, and desolation, and euphoria, in the short time Edward had been in my life. It was so clear to me that everything happened to build up my strength. I may have been content once to put someone else's needs in front of my own. I had lived in that relationship with the mindset that if I had Riley, that was all I'd need to be happy.

Since meeting Edward, I'd realized that the kind of relationship I'd had with Riley was destructive and imbalanced.

With Edward, I wanted him, but I could still be me. I could focus on myself, I could focus on him, and we could support each other equally and with openness and honesty.

My insecurities had damaged the way I saw myself, and my perception of how worthy I could be to another person. That was all wrong. I could be a strong independent woman that loved a strong independent man. We would share everything, support each other equally, and thrive.

Somehow all the obstacles that I'd placed massive importance on, shrunk in comparison to everything I'd been through.

I felt strong because I knew what I wanted.

I wanted a life with Edward. It wouldn't be easy, it would constantly push me out of my internal comfort zone, but the reward would be a life with a man who loved, respected and supported me.

I pulled my phone out of my jeans pocket.

With shaking fingers I called Edward.

It wouldn't connect.

I walked away from the lift doors until I got a better signal. I held my breath as it started to ring.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I dialed back into my messages to listen to Bella's second call.

"_Edward_, I_—"_

She sounded so upset.

"Oh God, he said he _did_ love me. Riley_—_turned up at the hotel. It was all a misunderstanding, no it was_—_he said he needed to protect me_—_I feel so_—_for him."

Her voice kept cutting in and out, like she was calling from somewhere with poor coverage.

"I just can't believe it. If_—_been honest with_—_All I know is that, it's not_—_  
_enough_. I was_—_confused then I realized_—_matter_—_that matters to me is_—_thought of losing_—_me. I don't want to hide my feelings_—_anyone else. I don't want any secrets_—_miscommunication to hurt_—_I know what I want; I've never been so_—_  
anything in my life. I can't compromise_—_want everything_—_marriage, children, a home_—_want it all_—_you. I know it seems_—_know that I'm so sure of how I feel_—_  
we've only known each other four weeks_—_I have_—_doubts. Please, can you come_—_to the hotel? My_—_fiancé_—_here. Edward, I don't want_—_you. I need to talk to you in person. I only love_—Please_? Can you come to the_—_tonight?"

Her message went dead.

I was in shock.

_Riley? Her ex had arrived unannounced from Australia? He'd come to take her away from me?_

I tried to comprehend it all. Her message was disjointed. The desperation in her tone scared me.

Certain words she'd spoken chilled me to the bone; _fiancé, marriage, children_? The thought of her wanting those things with someone else shattered me. I wanted those things with Bella, _only Bella_.

_I should have told her! I should have told her everything, even Alice's dream! _

_That fucking manipulative bastard!_

_He doesn't get to come back into her life like this! She's confused; she's vulnerable. She loves me!__ I can't lose her now. I won't!_

There was a loud banging on my trailer door and the location manager shouted impatiently, "Edward, we need you to harness up!"

I stared at my phone. I tried to formalize a plan. I'd fucked up so many things, but this was not going to break us.

Riley was my biggest threat, but there was no way I would go down without a fight.

My relationship with Bella was destined. I knew she felt it too. He'd known her longer, but he'd had his chance and he pissed it away. He'd hurt her. I wouldn't stand by and let her be hurt by him again. I would _not_ allow him to come back into her life and take her away from me.

_Bella and I belong together and I'll fight with everything I have. I can't lose her!_

Now, I was _more_ than angry.

I was livid!

~0~

**A/N: Hugs to mpg for her immense help with this chapter. Hello to new readers, and to my wonderful faithful readers and reviewers (((hugs you all)))). BBxx  
**


	46. Grace Note

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~ Bella~~**

When my phone finally connected, Edward's voice message activated.

My hands trembled and my heart beat rapidly. I couldn't hold my emotions inside.

"_Edward_, I…"

I recalled how much insecurity I'd shown him, when I had no reason to; I broke down.

"Oh God, he said he _did_ love me. Riley, he turned up at the hotel. It was all a misunderstanding, no it was, well, he said he needed to protect me. I feel so horrible for him. I just can't believe it. If he'd just been honest with me from the start…"

_If Riley had told me the truth, I never would have met Edward!_

I felt my stomach drop. The thought of Edward not being in my life terrified me.

"All I know is that, it's not ever going to be enough. I was so confused then I realized it didn't matter. All that matters to me is you. The thought of losing you terrifies me. I don't want to hide my feelings from you or anyone else. I don't want any secrets, or any miscommunication to hurt us. I know what I want; I've never been so clear about anything in my life."

I took in a deep breath, and willed myself to calm down.

"I can't compromise anymore. I want _everything_ with you; marriage, children, a home. I want it all, with you. I know it seems really scary to know that I'm so sure of how I feel, even though we've only known each other four weeks. I know. I have no doubts. Please, can you come straight to the hotel? My dad and his fiancée are here. Edward, I don't want anyone but you. I need to talk to you in person. I only love you. _Please_? Can you come to the Hotel tonight?"

My phone beeped and lost reception.

"_NO_! Shitty, _fucking _phone!"

"_Isabella_!"

I turned to see my dad struggling with two ancient suitcases. His face held the expression of disappointment at my profane outburst.

There was nothing I could do to hold back my tears.

"Bella?" Dad said then dropped the bags and wrapped his arms around me.

"What's wrong?" he soothed.

I couldn't speak. I just let the tears out. All the years thinking Riley hadn't loved me, the self-hatred, the hurt and pain. I let it all go as I sobbed against my dad's chest, standing in the cool concrete parking garage of a luxury hotel,_ in Canada!_

So much in my life had seemed improbable because my mind had reasoned that I wasn't worthy or lovable. I wasn't mentally well-adjusted. I didn't deserve to be so blessed.

I knew the conversation I'd just had with Riley was the disconnect I needed from him. I should have let him go a long time ago.

I was crying from pure relief. Relief that I hadn't imagined what I had experienced with Riley for the short three months we were together. Relief that I actually did survive losing Riley, scarred with emotional insecurities sure, but I could recognize them now and overcome them. Relief that I knew what I had with Edward was intense and special, and that I'd be so stupid not to be completely and utterly upfront about how he made me feel, and how much I wanted him; how desperately I wanted a life with him.

I knew that Riley was my past and Edward was my future.

And I also recognized the overwhelming feeling of hope; hope that came in the form of a song.

_Episode._

_Episode _represented everything I could be, _with Edward_.

Two distinct components: his musical composition, my flowing words.

Alone, they worked, they were beautiful and distinct, yet when they were combined, they created something more, something inspiring and uplifting. A connection between two parts, that couldn't be easily separated, manipulated or soiled with lies.

I could be strong on my own, but I could be so much more with Edward.

That night when I wrote those words—the night I'd slipped into my psycho-trance in the Purple Bar—well, maybe it wasn't so psycho after all. It was like there was an invisible connection between us. That buzzing static—that I still feel when we touch—had called to me, pulling my mind and my heart in his direction, crawling under my skin. I was falling apart just recalling the memory of it.

_The feeling of real love?_

It was impossible, and yet, it was the only thing that made sense.

I knew I'd projected my love onto Riley. I'd helped him to recover because I'd wanted him to need me. I'd been so blind to what was really happening in his life. I made him out to be the perfect person from age fourteen onwards. I never really got to know him. I'd been selfishly single-minded. Was it simply lust, longing and a twisted teenage fantasy that made me want to be noticed by the popular and talented boy?

It felt so different with Edward.

_Soul mates_.

I'm Edward's soul mate and he is mine. We'd shared so much love and respect and as I thought about our weekend together I was blanketed in warmth and contentment.

I would face anything we needed to face in the world to live a happy life together. I would be strong and retain my independence. I would be supportive of Edward. I didn't feel the need to please anybody else. His fans, the media, Jessica... I didn't need to answer to any of them to justify my love for Edward. I wanted to live privately, but if our privacy was ever compromised, I'd deal with it.

And I wanted us to never unconsciously or consciously put our relationship in a position of doubt.

No lies, no miscommunication, no secrets.

My tears flowed so much when I tried to comprehend the overwhelming love rushing through my body when I thought of spending the rest of my life with Edward.

I laughed.

I pulled back from my dad's soothing embrace and I laughed.

He looked confused, and I probably looked like a blotchy, pathetic basket-case.

"Dad, I'm in love and I want you and Elaine to meet the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with!"

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

"I need to get back to the hotel, right now!" I whisper-shouted at Emmett as soon as I was free of the stunt harness and Marcus had disappeared to watch the dailies.

"The Hotel? I thought you said you were staying at Kate's B&B?"

"Bella's ex—" I couldn't even think of how to say it out loud. "I need to get to her."

I could tell I sounded distraught. I'd been anxious all through the shoot, trying desperately to stay in character and not let the feeling of urgency affect my work.

"I'll bring the car around; we can leave in two minutes. Edward..." Emmett paused until I looked to his face. "Bella is _in love_ with you. You don't need to worry about her ex, trust me," he almost laughed.

I could see that Emmett was trying to ground me, but he hadn't heard her phone message. I wasn't feeling any confidence.

Fiancée_, marriage; if_ _that fucking asshole proposed to her…I'll find him. I'll rip his goddamn head off!_

The drive back to the hotel was excruciating. I held my phone and yet I couldn't call Bella. I had to see her, in person. I knew I'd see it in her eyes if she wanted him.

Then my favorite picture of Alice appeared on my phone as it vibrated in my hand.

She was the last person I wanted to speak to.

Her text flashed on my phone immediately after because I didn't answer her call.

_**I'm coming to Vancouver! Answer your phone, please! What happened?**_

_What happened?_

How would I even be able to compose the words? What _did _happen?

Bella saw her ex-boyfriend, the boyfriend that she'd had a crush on since she was fourteen. She loved him; he was the man that made love to her for the first time. He was also the man that had broken her heart.

_What happened? _

She saw him and he pleaded with her to take him back. He apologized, he told her he loved her and she fell back into his arms?

Did Bella instantly forget everything she'd experienced with me in the last 78 hours? Did she forget the way I sang to her, how I poured my heart and soul into performing our song at Richard's? Did she discount everything I'd said to her, about wanting to spend the rest of my life loving her? Did she forget that I planned to take her to meet my family this weekend? Did she see _him _and forget what it felt like when I made love to her for the first time, or what we did in the shower, or when I loved her at the kitchen table, or the way my fingers helped her come this morning? Did she forget all her words to me?

'_I love you. I want to entwine myself in you.'_

Did she see the bruises I'd left on her skin when I lost control last night and took her passionately from behind as she balanced precariously over the bath? Maybe she remembered how I stupidly ignored her at Ben's birthday dinner; how I talked to other girls yet didn't even give her the most basic assurance of how I felt? I didn't look at her, I didn't speak to her. Had I known what _he'd_ done to her I would have made sure everyone in that room knew she was mine.

_No!_

I refused to believe that I would lose her.

_She loves me, she wouldn't be with him, and she wouldn't let him kiss her, or even touch her. She would have listened to him; she would have let him speak, but anything else? _

Even as I felt a slight relief at my thoughts, they faded when I remembered her words, her words from the message.

_'We've only known each other four weeks. I have doubts...'_

_'I can't compromise...want everything...marriage, children, a home...want it all.'_

_'My...fiancée...'_

_'Edward, I don't want you.'_

My head was telling me not to think the worst; my heart was telling me she wanted me. _H__is _excuses would mean nothing. That all I had to do was see her and reassure her.

I looked at the time. It was later than I expected.

_Will she be in her room waiting for me, or will she be with him?_

Alice kept calling. I ignored each call and eventually I forced my finger on the button and slid my thumb across the screen to power-off.

_I'm overreacting, I know I am._

This morning I was selfish and proud. Now I felt hollow and sick with dread when I admitted there was a possibility that I'd never get to touch Bella again. I'd never get to feel her lips, hear her laugh, hold her close.

_She could choose him. _

Maybe he unconsciously tempted her with the promise of an uncomplicated life in Australia; a normal life away from the scrutiny of the media and fans.

Was her love for me stronger than what he could offer?

_NO! He'd hurt her, he'd _cheated_ on her!_

_I don't care what lies he told her. If he really loved her, he would have never let her go. I'll never let her go!_

I was determined to fight for her, but I knew, however annihilating it would be if she chose him, I'd have to accept her decision.

If I'd learnt one thing from my relationship with Tanya, it was that two people had to have mutual respect and desire. Long term relationships don't work without balanced compromise.

I recalled Bella's words from the message_...'I can't compromise...'_

_She would be giving up her freedom to an extent, giving up her anonymity and the chance at a 'normal' life out of the spotlight for me. _

What if the thought of that scared her?

_If she knew about Alice's dream. If she knew we were always meant to be together..._

No! I couldn't do that. I couldn't try and influence her decision by revealing a 'dream' that my gifted twin-sister had when she was sixteen.

I wanted Bella to want me, _only _me. I wouldn't use the dream to make Bella believe our connection was destined. If she didn't _feel _it like I did, if she couldn't embrace our love or revel in the unique connection we shared, then I couldn't force her to.

_Bella needs to make a choice._

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

After my tearful declaration to my dad in the parking garage, we'd taken the bags up to my room on the eighth floor. I suggested we take the champagne that Mike had kindly supplied, to the pool.

Dad, Elaine and I sat at a table under the shade of a big umbrella and I toasted their engagement.

"I'm so excited for you both. May your lives be full of love and happiness, forever!"

The delicate clink of three glasses together elated me beyond words. Just seeing Elaine and my dad interact, was proof that love binds and enriches people.

_Love shouldn't be hidden or hushed, it should be celebrated with family and friends, and it should always be open and honest. I'll have that, one day, with Edward. _

I recalled when I'd spoken to Elaine in Forks. She'd told me she'd convinced herself that my dad wouldn't be interested in her.

Why? She was lovely, she was honest and gracious.

The reason... Eric's dad had made her doubt herself. The divorce had dented her self-image.

She lamented that she wished she'd never had a 'victim' mentality. She gave her marriage everything she had, and it simply wasn't meant to be.

_'I didn't realize it back then, Bella. I thought divorce made me a complete failure as a wife and mother. I want to kick myself now for how long it took me to heal from that. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have picked myself up sooner. Hindsight really is a wonderful thing. I'm really happy that I have your dad...'_

I'd been so despondent when I'd believed Edward was in a relationship with Rosalie. I'd been so depressed after Riley. My perception of both situations had been incorrect, yet the anguish I'd felt _was _real.

Maybe it's easy for some people to say, "_things get better_" or that "_life goes on_"...I suppose each person has a different way of coping with loss, or rejection. I knew I wasn't willing to contemplate that I'd find happiness without Riley, or that I'd even be capable of loving someone again.

_Why was I so self-destructive? Why hadn't _I_ picked myself up sooner? _

Thinking about it was too overwhelming, but I knew I needed to. I needed to be accountable for all of my actions, all of my thoughts.

_Maybe I should talk to someone, work through it all, to make sure I never do it again? _

I could talk to Edward, I could tell him everything I'm thinking and feeling and he would understand.

I watched my dad take a sip of champagne. His nose twitched in disgust. Elaine laughed and then gently touched the side of his neck lovingly.

_They're blissfully in love!_

So I wasn't anxious or nervous when I told my dad and Elaine that I was in love with Edward Cullen, and that he loved me.

I told them that Edward and I were determined to make it work, but his fame would mean we would need to be discreet.

I could tell by the expression on my dad's face that he just didn't get what the word 'fame' meant in a literal sense. Dad just couldn't comprehend how popular Edward was. He wasn't even aware that Edward was constantly followed by fans and paparazzi. Instead, dad just seemed to think of Edward as the 'kid' of two upstanding ex-residents of Forks. He saw Edward as a normal guy.

I was quietly elated with this fact. I now knew that dad would never treat Edward as a 'celebrity', and hopefully that meant he would be completely accepting of our relationship. Dad saw Edward like I did, and I smiled like a loon when I remembered even I had chanted to myself that Edward was _'Just an ordinary guy'._

Elaine was even more encouraging. She told me that that she believed that true love will always survive.

I could instantly see why my dad was in love with her. For a split second, she reminded me so much of my mum; a more selfless and content version.

"I've left a message with Edward," I said excitedly. "I want you to meet him tonight. I'm taking you both to dinner and then Edward can meet us in the bar when he finishes..._work_."

"That sounds wonderful, Bella," said Elaine.

"Yeah, OK. Well, I'm kinda beat." my dad said abruptly. "Think I'll go and sleep for a hour or two. That fancy champagne is giving me a headache and I'm tired from the drive."

He looked tense.

I knew explaining what I'd just been through with Riley—before my dad had caught me swearing into my phone and crying in the parking garage—would go some way towards explaining my erratic emotions over the last half hour, but I just couldn't.

Riley had wanted me to be a secret. I didn't think telling my dad about Riley now would be wise.

I knew I could tell Elaine, but she was buzzing with her newly engaged status, and burdening her with the whole dramatic mess seemed selfish.

Charlie stood up and kissed Elaine on the cheek.

"I think I'll use this very enticing pool." she said to him. "Do you want to come and get changed with me for a swim?" she asked me.

"No, I'm OK, but I'll stay here and hang out with you."

"Perfect!" said Elaine, "I'll be back in ten minutes."

I watched as my dad led Elaine away, his hand low and supportive on her lower back.

"Don't rush!" I called out after them, but they didn't turn. I imagined Charlie's face was bright red.

When they disappeared from view my phone started to ring.

I stood and fished it out of my back pocket.

It was Kate.

"Kate?"

"Bella, I thought you'd be back by now. Is everything OK?"

I tried to stay calm and not let my words leave my mouth in a garbled word-vomit, but they did anyway.

"Riley turned up at the hotel. I spoke to him, like, less than thirty minutes ago!"

I tried to absorb it all. It was like I was in a different universe.

"_He what_? What did he say? Oh my God! Do you want to talk about it?"

Yes, I needed to talk to someone about it and I was thankful that Kate already knew everything from mine and Riley's past.

So, sitting by the pool with a glass of barely touched champagne I told Kate everything that happened between Riley and me in the lobby. It felt freeing to get it all off my chest. Speaking about it helped me to formalize my thoughts, and decide how to tell Edward when he asked.

I felt kind of aghast now that I could reflect on what I'd said in the voice message to Edward—me rambling about wanting to marry him and have children. I couldn't regret speaking that truth, but it made me so anxious that my desires for our relationship may not be immediately reciprocated.

I knew Edward loved me, but committing to share the rest of your life with someone was something that couples probably talked about after they'd been together for years, maybe months, definitely not days! Edward's talk of soul mates and spending his life with me, seemed too good to be true, yet I wanted it. I could actually visualize it, and it made me want him even more.

I wondered how I could have been so blind before. How I could have been so worried, because I knew that Edward loved me, and I'd given myself permission to accept and return that love, for life. Nothing else could ever hold any more importance than that... _Nothing _would.

To find someone that loved you, and that you loved unconditionally. So simple.

"You can move on from Riley now." Kate stated, interrupting me from my train of thought. "I'm a strong believer in things happening for a reason."

I looked across the cool, sparkling water of the pool and I knew she was right.

"I know, Kate. I just…everything seems so surreal."

"Bella, do you think Riley would really try and hurt himself?" she asked tentatively.

I felt dizzy with the thought of Riley causing himself harm. I still couldn't actually believe that the motorcycle accident wasn't really an accident. Had Riley been so utterly unhappy that he honestly thought that death would be peaceful—easy?

Never in a million years would I have dreamed that Riley was capable of self-harm, or the type of manipulation that he admitted to me.

_Lying to his family; lying to me..._

I also couldn't believe that he'd tried to make me feel guilty, yet I could see that it was only the desperate words of someone that was hurting. He'd survived three years without me. He was successful. He admitted to what he'd done, he had shown regret. Had he really believed what he did was the only option? I just couldn't fathom it.

I had to stop trying to. Riley wasn't my responsibility. Yet I recognized his admission to me—apart from trying to justify his actions and win me back—was a plea for help. Regardless, of how everything had played out, I knew I still cared about him.

"I can speak to his friend Austin, who's dating my friend Jessica. I'll make sure Riley talks to someone; he _needs_ to talk to someone. I hate to think that he'll...

"Finding out he really did love me...I can't hate him, Kate. I feel sorry for him, but I can't help him. I helped him recover after the accident. I think that was all I was meant to do. I don't know..."

I told Kate how my dad and Elaine had shown up and how they were going to be staying in my room.

"You should spend some time with them. You can use my car for as long as you need to. I have the yellow room reserved for Emmett for when you and Edward come back to stay."

"Kate, thank you. You've been such an amazing friend. I just..."

"You don't need to thank me. I'll see you when you get back. You know there's nothing as special as spending time with family."

"Thanks Kate," I sighed.

"You should take your dad and Elaine to the hotel restaurant tonight. Garrett has some delicacies on the menu that I think you may adore."

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

Emmett pulled up to the front entrance of the hotel.

I signed a few autographs and posed in some photographs with four of my fans that were waiting. I ignored the leeches that were taunting me with questions about Bree Tanner and our 'affair'.

The ride up in the elevator to the eighth floor was practically debilitating. I was sweating, my limbs almost paralysed with anxious tension. My hands shook as I tried to slip Bella's room card out of my wallet.

I hesitated when I was finally standing outside room 810. My pulse was racing, my head pounding and my knees felt like they were about to give out simply from standing. I eventually slid the card in the reader and walked inside.

Nothing could have prepared me for the sight, nothing. It was my worst nightmare recreated.

The bed was unmade; slept in. Two old suitcases that I'd never seen before sat next to Bella's writing desk.

_Fuck!_

I doubled-over with physical pain.

_She slept with him. She let him touch her. She loves him; he's been here in her room!_

My sweating, shaking hands clawed through my hair. My mouth instantly started to water.

I made it into the bathroom just in time to empty the contents of my stomach.

_How could she do this to me? How could she cheat on me, do exactly what he did to her?_

It was implausible, yet more evidence was staring me in the face, as I saw a man's razor and shaving foam on the vanity.

I was desolate, staring at the distinctly male items that weren't mine. I flushed the toilet and turned on the faucet to rinse out my mouth, all the while staring at the items that I wished would disappear.

I was completely incredulous. I was screaming inside from the pain. It was like I wanted to get out of my own body.

_This isn't really happening. Bella loves me, she wouldn't have cheated on me. She would have at least broke it off with me in person, before she fucked her ex-boyfriend...no, her fiancée? She's going to marry him, she'd going back to Australia and she'll forget all about me!_

Violent jealousy engulfed me and painful visions, of her saying goodbye to me, infected my thoughts. I wanted to bleach them from my consciousness, even while my head debated.

_I can't believe she would, she loves me! Bella would never let another man touch her that way; she would never let a man kiss her, hold her, whisper promises to her. Not after the weekend we just spent together, the love and lust and connection we'd shared. _

Bella would never betray me, like _he _had betrayed her. She would never cheat; she would never consciously break my heart!

I looked in the mirror at my pathetic expression. I hadn't removed the character makeup. My skin was pallid and my eyes were almost black with anger and hopelessness.

_I don't want to be without her. It's impossible to imagine a life without Bella._

My spirit depleted. I was worn out, mentally and physically.

I turned the faucet back on and tried to scrub the makeup from my face. I still felt sick and my hands were still trembling as I grabbed the hand towel from the hook and blotted my face dry.

Then I heard the room door open.

"Edward?"

I heard Bella's voice and my body tensed with pain and jealousy so tangible, it made tears fall from my eyes. My heart seemed to rip in two at the sweet sound of her voice because she sounded so _happy._

I wiped at my tears and I tried to force my anguish into a blank stare.

_She's made her decision. I just need her to tell me. I need her to look into my eyes and tell me that she loves him more, that she won't regret her decision; that she'll be happier without me._

I walked slowly out of the bathroom to see her standing at the bed, anxiously pulling the sheets up and straightening them, trying to cover up the scene of her infidelity.

"You're leaving me for him?" I accused. My voice held the distinct timbre of disgust.

She turned towards me. Her smile disappeared and she looked confused when she saw my face.

"What?"

I motioned to the bags on the floor. "You've already packed. You love him, more than you love me. You're leaving with him to go back to Sydney."

I hated that I sounded like a hurt child. I instantly remembered Bella calling out to 'Riley' in her sleep when we'd been at the cabin last week.

_I never really stood a chance with her. I'm not good enough for her._

All my confidence and masculinity evaporated. A life without her would shatter my very essence and dissipate my soul to a paper thin vapour.

"No, Edward!" she said in panic. "Did you hear my voice message? I told you _'I love you'._ I only want you."

I stared at the unmade bed, as the rolling nausea threatened to make me collapse.

"No," she tried to reassure me. "My dad and his fiancée are here. Charlie proposed to Elaine, Eric Yorkie's mom. I said they could stay in this room, because I'd be with you! They're here, waiting to meet you in the Purple bar."

I tried to decipher her words.

_Charlie Swan and Elaine Yorkie are here. They're not _his _bags? _

"Oh God, _please _Edward. You can't think I'd...I _love _you, I love you, _please_."

I watched as Bella's face crumpled in anguish and her eyes watered. I could tell she wanted to touch me, but she stopped herself. She was worried by the look on my face.

"You didn't touch him? He didn't touch you?" I asked, my voice inflected my sadness.

"_Edward_," she breathed out my name with a sob, "if I live the rest of my life with only one person being able to touch me, it would be you!"

Her words didn't seem to mean anything to me, because she didn't deny touching him.

"I love you so much, Edward. Tell me you believe me! I can't lose you. I told Riley to go back to Sydney. I'll never want him. I don't love him any more. _I love you_."

I looked to her eyes. Tears streamed down her face, as she looked at the bed.

Her body sagged in defeat and she wrapped an arm around her waist as if she was in pain.

_Bella, please look at me!_

Like she'd read my thoughts, her head slowly lifted and her eyes held mine for a few sublime seconds.

It seeped slowly into my bloodstream—her love—the love that, for the last few hours, I'd been trying to convince myself she still held for me.

I could see it, blended in the reflection of the light from the floor lamp. It shined in the warmth of her deep brown eyes, so vibrant even with dark, wet eyelashes.

Her love, juxtaposed with the expression of horror that I would think she didn't love me, or that she would have ever _let_ him touch her.

The buzz of our connection seemed to crackle through the air and into me. Bella looked like she was holding her breath.

_She didn't sleep with him. They're not his bags, and she didn't touch him. She doesn't love him. She loves me._

All I could do in that moment was walk forward and pull her into my arms.

I felt the zinging pulse of bliss zap through my whole body as soon as I touched her. I heard Bella whimper and exhale loudly.

Relief that every worry I'd constructed in the last few hours was simply in my head. I should have never have doubted the strength of her love, _never_.

But I had, I had assumed…

Stupid!_ I'm such an idiot!_

Bella's lips were hot through the thin cotton of my t-shirt as she breathed in and out against my chest and squeezed her arms around my body tightly.

"I love you. I love you, Edward." she chanted.

"_I'm sorry..._" I lamented. "_I love you_."

I let myself absorb her touch. My body slowly came back to itself. The nausea went away.

"Your phone message was…I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions." I said as I lifted my hand to touch her silky hair.

"Please believe me, I would never...I don't, I'll never want anyone but you." she said and I felt her inhale. She moved her lips to my neck and placed a soft, wet kiss there. "You didn't hear my entire message."

She didn't phrase it as a question.

"No..." I replied.

"Edward, can we stay in your room, just for tonight?" she said breathlessly against my throat.

"You want to stay here instead of Kate's?" I asked.

"My dad is here...I want to spend the day with him and Elaine tomorrow, and then I want to stay with you at the B&B."

"Is _he_ still here?" I asked. The thought of him still being in this hotel made me nervous.

_Surely he wouldn't come all this way to simply give up? _

"I don't know. I told him to go back to Sydney then I walked away. The lift took me to the parking garage, that's why my phone dropped out in the middle of my message."

I pulled her closer, my lips found her temple and I kissed her.

"I really want you to meet my dad officially, as my _boyfriend_." she whispered the last word.

_Boyfriend_.

The word still sounded so lame. She'd whispered it as if it was still a secret. I didn't want it to be a secret. I wanted everyone to know, and yet, I wanted to protect her just as fiercely.

_It's Charlie Swan's day, but as soon as I have a chance to speak to him alone, I'm going to make sure he knows that I want Bella to be mine forever._

He needs to know my intention. I'm going to marry his daughter. Bella is my soul mate. Bella will be my lover, my friend, my wife, mother of my children, my _everything_.

I took in a deep breath.

"I need to change clothes before I meet them. Why don't you go up and I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

I needed to compose myself. Only a few short minutes ago, I was convinced that I'd lost her forever. The fact that I'd stared at Chief Swan's razor in the bathroom and thought it was _another_ man's, made me light-headed.

"I don't want be apart from you," she whispered. "I want..."

Once again, I'd been so caught up with my feelings I neglected to acknowledge what she must be feeling. Her ex-boyfriend had said who knows what to her and I'd practically accused her of sleeping with him.

"What do you want?" I asked calmly.

"I want to walk into the bar _with_ you. I want my hand in yours, I don't care who sees us. I want my dad to know you're with me, that I love you and that you're...mine."

"Bella..."

My hand glided up her arm and I held my palm softly against her cheek, coaxing her face to lift towards mine.

Her eyelashes were still wet. She looked apprehensive.

All I wanted to do was kiss her, to reassure her, but I could still taste the after-burn of bile searing my throat.

"Grab what you need. I'll have a quick shower before we go to the bar _together_."

She smiled and bit her bottom lip. I couldn't hold her gaze then. It threatened to completely undo me.

_Why does she have to be so alluring, so sensual and addictive?_

I pulled her close and then I kissed her neck, slowly, softly.

_She's all I want. _

When I eventually released her, her eyes were heavy, her breathing was accelerated and I could literally sense how much effort it took her to pull away from me.

_She's just as addicted to the feeling as I am._

Bella picked up a black backpack and then took my hand.

We didn't speak as we ascended in the elevator to the 34th floor.

The silence continued until we walked into the suite's bedroom. The sight was familiar, yet it seemed as though it had been a lifetime since I actually slept there.

The thick gold drapes were drawn closed, the bed turned down with a wrapped chocolate on the pillow.

"I won't be long." I said, leaving Bella standing by the bed as I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door.

I brushed the stinging taste of vomit from my mouth. I covered my face in cleanser to ensure the residue of makeup would come off in the shower.

I tried—in the few minutes that I allowed myself to simply stand under the steady stream of hot water—to dispel the negativity that I'd let eat away at me since I heard her message.

_After I've met Chief Swan and Eric Yorkie's mom officially, I'll bring Bella back here. I'll tell her everything I was thinking and feeling. We'll be OK, and if Alice really does show up tomorrow, or even in a few days, I can tell Bella about the dream, about our connection._

_She needs to know everything before I propose._

~0~

**A/N: Thanks to mpg for her help with this chapter ((hugs you)). I also want to thank the readers that checked in with me to give me so much encouragement (yeah, because I'm so slow to update). I love you all, and I love your support so much!**

**Hello to my new readers—no doubt from the rec of **_**Episode**_** for 'fic of the week' over at The Lemonade Stand! Thank you all for reading, and to the unknown person(s) that nominated the story, I could simply kiss you!**

**I don't expect reviews, but I reply to them all (unless you leave them as a 'guest', in which case, I cannot reply). I love hearing your thoughts! Luv BBxx**


	47. Nocturne

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

The entire time Edward was in the shower I couldn't stop my anxiety from spiking.

The look on his face—when he saw me trying to make the bed—was burned into my brain.

_He'd thought that Riley and I had...is that why he didn't kiss me on the mouth?_

When Edward asked me if Riley had touched me, I should have told him that Riley had only grabbed my wrist, but I hadn't. What difference did that make? I assumed Edward only wanted confirmation that _I_ hadn't touched Riley intimately—the touch of a lover.

It was clearly obvious that Edward had looked at the unmade bed and Dad and Elaine's bags on the floor and thought I'd slept with Riley!

_He'd looked so devastated._

A soon as Edward was out of the shower, I would be taking him to the Purple Bar to meet my dad and Elaine; to introduce him as my boyfriend.

I'd been so excited about it. All through dinner, I'd been buzzing with adrenaline.

Garrett had come from the kitchen to our table in the Hotel restaurant to meet my dad and Elaine and tell them how much he'd appreciated me 'looking after' his pregnant wife. He gushed at how wonderful I was for writing an amazing feature about the B&B he was managing and that Charlie should be proud to have such a kind-hearted daughter. Then he said our dessert was 'compliments of the Head Chef' with a sly grin.

I recalled how my face had flamed with the heat of my blush and how I had shook my head with incredulity.

Garrett had it all backwards... if Kate hadn't been there for me the night I'd assumed Edward was with Rosalie, I probably wouldn't have gone back to Vancouver from Forks. I would have sunk back into a well of self-pity.

Kate was there for me again, when I'd arrived back from the cabin. She listened and told me to let Riley go, when I still doubted that Edward could really want me! And just Friday night when I'd overreacted at Ben's dinner, it was Kate that made me go to the club to hear Edward declare his love for me. It was Kate that was there to see Bree get swamped by paparazzi and assure me that's what Edward had wanted to protect me from. And more amazingly, it was Kate that plotted with Emmett to get Edward and me some time alone for a glorious weekend in the little cottage at the back of the B&B!

If it wasn't for Kate, I just couldn't imagine how my fragile mind would have dealt with anything, especially not what had happened this afternoon with Riley!

My gratitude to her just could not be measured.

I paced Edward's hotel suite bedroom as I tried to calm myself.

I looked down to my shoes, and the dress that I'd worn to dinner. It was the pretty, red dress that Kate had given me. It was beautifully delicate, fell just below my knees and was modest, in comparison to the white dress I'd worn on Friday night. It was perfectly tailored to my shape, and accentuated my small waist. The shoes were ones I'd bought in when shopping along Burrard Street two weeks ago. They had a modest heel; just that little extra height had allowed me to easily kiss Edward's neck.

I took in long, deep breaths; I felt really apprehensive.

_It'll be fine. Edward loves me; he's just a little threatened knowing Riley wanted me back._

Edward hadn't heard my entire message. What he did hear had made him think that I wanted Riley? I couldn't seem to forget the look of desolation on his face as he stared at the suitcases on the floor and then at the slept-in bed.

He didn't know dad had turned up unannounced, and had an afternoon nap! I'm sure I'd mentioned my dad and Elaine in my phone message?

Edward hadn't understood that I'd blurted out in my phone message—albeit in an emotional state—that I wanted him forever; I wanted marriage and babies, and a life, with him.

_Only him._

He didn't know, and even though I'd freaked out and thought that it may have been too soon to tell him, I _wanted _him to know. Why would I ever consciously choose to conceal my desires? If we're going to make our relationship work, I need to tell him openly and honestly everything I want.

When Edward had finally pulled me into his embrace, I was temporarily relieved. But that relief had faded as I wondered why he had kissed my neck and not my mouth. My anxiousness got even more profound since we'd walked into his hotel suite.

I remembered the night I'd brought him back here, _after _we'd been at Laurent's. My body flushed when I recalled how sensually he'd touched me that night; the way I'd touched his hair.

My mind screamed at me.

_I should ell him how I feel, tell him everything that I said in the phone message! Tell him!_

I walked to the bathroom door. I could hear the shower.

_Just tell him!_

I turned the handle. It was locked.

_Why did he lock the door? Is he having second thoughts?_

_NO! He just needs his personal space. He needs time alone, he's nervous about meeting my dad, maybe?_

My conflicting thoughts were increasing my anxiety.

_I can't fall back into old patterns! I'm making up shit in my head to work through my feelings._

That's what I had done so many times before and I'd been wrong.

I _knew_ Edward loved me. I had to tell him that he's everything I want. Regardless of all the obstacles we'd have to face, I wanted him. I needed him in my life!

_I'll introduce Edward to my dad and Elaine, and when we get back here, to this room, we can talk about _everything_. I can tell him what happened with Riley and I can tell him my hopes and my dreams and how all of those included him. Every single one included Edward._

_I love him, so much, it's making me crazy insane!_

I walked to the large bed and sat on the edge.

_Everything is going to be OK_, I mentally chanted.

Then I heard the bathroom door unlock and Edward walked into the bedroom. His eyes found mine instantly, and he smiled.

I watched as he roughly towel dried his hair, standing in front of me just wearing his boxers, no shirt. He walked to the wardrobe and grabbed some jeans.

His body, it was spectacular in a way I wouldn't be able to describe verbally.

He was so comfortable in his skin and fluid in his movement; from the unconscious fingering of his damp hair, to the way his lips pursed as he dropped the wet towel on the floor.

I just sat on the edge of the bed and watched. It was pointless trying to disguise the effect he had on me. I was flushed with arousal, tingling with goose bumps and my senses were overloaded, from his beauty and the smell of his freshly splashed cologne. I absorbed the sound of rough denim fabric gliding up long, lean legs, and watched mesmerized as his dexterous fingers pinched each button through the button-fly of his jeans.

I had to close my eyes to it all. He was such a beautiful person, inside and out and I was blessed that he was in love with me. Yet even as I admitted to myself that I knew he loved me, all I could focus on was the fact that Edward hadn't kissed my mouth!

He'd kissed my neck, when we'd been in my room, he'd held me tightly, he told me he loved me, he apologized for ever thinking that I would have..._touched_ Riley.

I opened my eyes in time to see Edward button his shirt, and grab his wallet to flick it open to check he had the purple VIP card. I became so nervous.

Edward meeting my dad made _everything _real. The acknowledgement of our relationship in front of my father would make me beyond happy.

"Bella?" Edward said softly. He reached his hand out for mine and I took it. He helped me to stand and then suddenly everything changed.

Edward's lips pressed against mine, so gently that it took my breath away.

"I love you, Bella Swan," he said.

The atmosphere of tension and uncertainty—that had become blatantly obvious to only exist in my mind—melted away.

_I don't need to doubt any more!_

I pushed myself up on the balls of my feet, and pulled his lips down so I could kiss him passionately. I wanted to show him exactly how I felt for him with my mouth.

I knew we had to go and meet with my dad. I knew the kiss was more than the tender one he'd just given me, but I _needed _it. I needed his lips on mine, his fresh, minty-toothpaste taste and his hands holding me so securely as I pushed my body flush with his and expressed my desire.

Edward's hand traveled down to touch my bum and pull me closer to his body.

"_Bella_," he moaned.

We continued to kiss. It was like we were both recharging; electrifying each other with a needful intimacy that only we could share. It could have been seconds, or minutes...

Edward slowly broke the kiss. "I can't walk into the bar like this," he whispered and pushed his groin into my pelvic bone. I could feel his erection, hard, long and hot through his jeans.

The _need_, the pure lust I felt for him pulsed through my veins. I wanted him; I wanted to be naked with him. I wanted to show him physically how much I loved him.

"I need to meet your dad," he said huskily. "I want you, so badly, but we should go. I promise you, when we get back here, we can talk, and touch, _all night._"

He stepped back from me. We were both out of breath and I was kind of dizzy. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply.

I felt Edward's warm fingers touch my cheek.

"I want to meet him, and Elaine, as your boyfriend."

I opened my eyes. He was smiling at me. It was that smile that made his eyes shine. Then he licked his lips and his mouth stayed slightly open as his hand dropped from my face to take my hand. I recognized then, that his face was communicating an emotion that nearly floored me.

_Pride_.

Edward was proud to be with me.

He squeezed my hand and guided me out of his room, and down the hall. We waited for the lift, just staring into each other's eyes. We didn't need to speak. I felt so blissed-out; my love and adoration was reflected in his eyes.

I felt more alive than I'd felt all day; giddy, happy and carefree. My excitement returned, because Edward was going to meet my dad!

Edward squeezed my hand tighter as we approached the door to the Purple Bar. He dropped my hand for a few seconds as he took the VIP card out of his wallet and swiped it over the reader.

We walked hand-in-hand, into the room.

The first person I noticed was James; he smiled widely at me. Then I locked eyes with my dad. He straightened his posture and stood as Edward and I approached the booth.

Edward held his left hand against my lower back as he stepped forward and shook my dad's hand.

"Chief Swan," he said and nodded politely.

"Edward, good to meet you again."

"Congratulations on your engagement," said Edward and smiled at Elaine as she stood out from the booth. "Lovely to meet you too, Elaine. Congratulations."

Edward gave her a friendly hug.

"Thank you, Edward. You've grown so tall! I remember when you and Eric were gangly teenagers," she smiled. "Where's all the time gone?"

And just like that, I saw acceptance and felt so comfortable that Edward was here with me, meeting my family, like it was the most natural thing in the whole world.

He wasn't a famous, Hollywood actor-heartthrob (well, he was) but to them, he was my boyfriend, who had once lived in Forks, went to high school with Elaine's son and who was the son of the Cullen's, who had been essential to the Forks community only a few short years ago.

_This isn't a dream. This is really happening!_

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

"Bella, come with me to the ladies room?" Elaine asked suddenly.

The conversation, or rather small talk, had progressed well. Chief Swan was a man of few words; Elaine compensated. She was vivacious as she told Bella about what she wanted for her small no-fuss wedding in Forks. Chief Swan would intermittently grin with happiness at the things she described. They were very open in their affection. It reminded me of my parents, and how they were never coy or reserved when it came to openly expressing their love for each other.

I noticed that even though there were no physical similarities between what I remembered of Eric Yorkie from high school, to his mom Elaine, she shared numerous personality traits with her son. It was kind of astonishing to me. Even more so were the recollections, when the discussion centered on Forks, which instantly took me back to the time I lived there. It was a breath of fresh air.

Bella squeezed my hand before she slid out from the booth. I watched as she walked towards the Ladies' room with Elaine. I couldn't help but stare at Bella's legs, the curve of her calf defined by the sexy heel of her shoes.

Chief Swan cleared his throat.

It was my opportunity to step up.

"Chief Swan," I said without preamble. "I'm in love with your daughter. I plan on proposing to her, and I'd like your blessing."

I watched him pick up his glass of beer; his top lip twitched.

"Where do you plan to live?" he asked and then took a long pull from the glass.

His question took me by surprise.

"I own a condo in L.A., Sir, but I need to travel for my career. I'll be in Europe early next year and then I'll have to spend a few months in Australia to work on a film. I want Bella to come with me. She can continue her writing. I'll always support her in whatever she wants to do. I hope she'll help me write some lyrics as well, considering."

"_Considering_ what?"

Chief Swan looked at me and he looked pissed.

_Bella hasn't told him about Episode? No, of course she hasn't because I told her to keep it a secret!_

_Shit!_

"Considering she's written lyrics for me, before. That's how Bella and I met. I was playing the piano, just there." I motioned to the Steinway. "Bella was sitting here, at this booth, writing. When she heard the song as I played, she wrote down some words and then she gave them to me. She'd written the lyrics to my song."

I inhaled through my nose. Chief Swan was staring at me and not speaking.

"The song is going to be featured on the soundtrack to the film that I'm shooting here in Vancouver." I added.

I'd just noticed he had the same deep 'V' etched between his brows; the same 'V' Bella had she was upset or perplexed. I watched as he drained his glass and looked towards the bar. He held his glass up high and with a curt nod of his head, he communicated to the bar guy that he wanted another.

"How long ago was that?" he asked me.

I closed my eyes briefly. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but it was only a month!

_That night had changed my life._

"That was thirty days ago, Sir."

Chief Swan looked me directly in the eye. His face was stoic and he held his head confidently.

I didn't want to feel intimidated by him, but how could I not? He was the Forks Chief of Police, and I'd known of him since I'd been a high school freshman.

"You say you're in love with Bella. _Why_ do you love her?"

He phrased it like he would if he was interrogating a petty criminal.

_He's just being protective of her._

"Bella is unlike anyone I've ever met. When she gave me those lyrics, well it was like she could see straight into my brain. They were exactly what I wanted, but I had no idea how to interpret the feel of the music into song lyrics. It's like she just...knew.

"We talked, it came to light pretty quickly her connection to Forks. She told me that when she was sixteen, she nearly went to live with you. I wished I would have met her then, Sir." I shook my head and looked down at the table, smiling when I thought of it.

I looked back to his face, he was waiting for me to continue.

"Bella is considerate, kind and trusting. She doesn't see herself very clearly, but that's OK, because I see her. I _know _her. When we're apart, she's all I think about. I just can't imagine not having her in my life.

"She makes me a better person. I love her. I'd do anything, _be _anything, for her."

He continued to stare at me.

If there was one thing I knew as a certainty, if I averted my gaze, if I looked away, he would not believe my words. So I stared right back at him as I thought about spending the rest my life with his daughter. I wanted his blessing. I wanted his acceptance because I knew that would mean everything to Bella.

Chief Swan looked away from me, as the bar guy, James, placed another beer on the table.

"Thanks." he said.

He was silent until James had left earshot.

"I know your parents. I know they're good, respectable people, that would have raised you to be the same. All I want is for Bella to be happy. _Whatever _it takes to make her happy. You put her first, _always_. If you break her heart, don't think I won't do all in my power to make your life a living hell. I'm a cop. You just remember that."

I swallowed.

"I got married too young, the first time." he said wistfully. "But I wouldn't change a thing, because Bella was the best thing that ever happened to me."

He drank more beer.

"Bella told me she's in love with you, so I would never tell her she _can't_ be with you. The responsible thing to do would be to take the time to get to know her and not to make her promises that you can't keep."

I wanted to protest, but I held my tongue. The only promise I was sure I could always keep, was that I would love her irrevocably and forever; my love for Bella would be constant.

"My blessing isn't needed," he added. "If you love her and she loves you, no one else should matter," he stated. "I want her to be happy, and she knows that I'll support anyone else that supports her."

His words shook me to the core.

He was right.

In my personal life, the reality of who Edward Cullen was when not acting a part—I need not answer to anyone.

Yet, my public life dictated a level of availability to other people; an extension of who I was, that the fans and the media could worship, praise or criticize.

No one would matter to me as much as Bella and my family.

My private life would be as guarded as I could make it. I would 'play the game' when I needed to, but anything beyond that, well, it would never dominate my actions, or they way I lived my life. I would make sure it would never cause a rift between Bella and me.

Chief Swan raised his glass.

"Cheers, Edward," he said and we toasted.

It was his full stop on the conversation.

It wasn't exactly how I imagined it would go, but I took it anyway. I couldn't stifle the shit-eating grin that covered my face.

"Now, tell me more about this song," he demanded as he placed his glass of beer back on the table.

His brief smile reassured me that he would never interfere in my relationship with his daughter, unless it was warranted.

Bella and Elaine returned to the booth then. I saw Bella's flushed cheeks and subtle lip biting as she slid back into the seat and sat close to me.

She was radiant; simply beautiful in her unassuming demeanor. I wanted to prolong that innocence for as long as possible.

"Is it OK if I play our song?" I asked her.

She looked shyly at her dad and then to me. "Yes!"

Elaine looked perplexed, but she simply touched Chief Swan's arm and watched as I stood, took a sip of my beer for courage and walked over to the piano.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I was excited and a little panicked until Edward turned and looked at me before he started playing.

"Bella? Will you come and sit with me, while I play?"

He looked so hopeful and there was nothing in the world that could have stopped me from going to him.

I stood slowly, my heart pounding wildly in my chest and I sat next to Edward, close enough to feel the heat from his body, but not get in the way of his arms, or his fingers held in position above the keys.

"I love you," he whispered and he kissed me softly on the cheek.

When he started playing I felt like I was soaring. It was uplifting, and the tinkling sound seemed to reverberate through my body, as if the notes and melody had become a part of me.

He didn't hold back. He sang with a passion and emotion that was overwhelming, like he had when he'd sung it to me at Richards.

All eyes were on Edward. He captivated the room. An elderly couple sat by the glass balcony doors; they turned in their seats to look. The same old man—from the first night I saw Edward here in the bar—smoked a cigar out on the balcony, but lingered just outside the doorway to listen.

I didn't turn to look at Elaine and my dad, but I knew they would be just as blown away as I was.

My eyes left Edward's hands briefly to focus on the lights outside—the dark sky dotted with vibrant colors of the city lights reflecting off the water.

The strong cadence of Edward's voice blanketed me in a resolute calm.

I closed my eyes as I let myself feel it all, feel his heat, as it radiated up the entire right side of my body, his love that was being expressed using my words.

When I opened my eyes again, I was transfixed on the way his nimble fingers caressed the keys, and the way his thigh moved as he depressed pedals.

All too quickly the song was over and I snapped myself out of the comforting daze that had surrounded me.

Edward turned to me and like it was happening in slow motion, he gently lifted his hands to caress my face.

"I make this promise to you. I'll love you every day, Bella. I want to be with you forever."

Edward kissed me.

It wasn't chaste. He kissed me with love and passion, in front of my father, my soon to be stepmother, James, and three strangers.

When he pulled away from the kiss the stunned audience broke into spontaneous applause.

Edward's eyes sparkled with mirth, not embarrassment.

It was the most precious thing he could give to me. We didn't have to flaunt our love in front of his fans or the media, but I knew then, he would show me his love; he would make me _feel_ it, with a look, a smile, a touch, that was meant just for me.

_Nobody else matters._

"I love you, so much!" I whispered.

Edward smiled and helped me to stand. We returned to the booth.

Dad didn't hold back his... _approval_?

"That is...well, I... you wrote that?" he asked with incredulity.

"I wrote the music, Bella wrote the lyrics," said Edward as he brought my hand up to his lips.

Elaine's eyes were glassy and wide.

"It's so beautifully sad and haunting. I love it!" she exclaimed.

Edward smiled warmly. I could see he agreed.

James appeared suddenly; Edward ordered another round of drinks.

After an hour or so of casual conversation—Elaine reminiscing about Eric and Forks, talking about the wedding and my novel and how it was progressing—my dad asked Edward about his 'job'.

Edward answered their questions about the roles he had played and the countries he'd visited. He talked about _the_ film—Liam Berty's film—that he was excited to shoot, as it meant that _we _could be in Australia together.

But as the conversation started to naturally stagnate, Elaine couldn't hide her yawn.

"I'm sorry," she smiled. "The day has really taken its toll. I think I need to get to bed."

The four of us stood and walked out of the bar to the lifts. I pushed the call button to go up and down with a sudden sense of déjà vu.

_The night the cougars wanted Edward._

"I hope we get to see you again, before you whisk Bella away to L.A.?" said Elaine, startling me out of my recollection.

"Yes, definitely. I'd love that." Edward replied.

"You will try and come to Forks for Thanksgiving, I mean, the wedding?" she blushed.

The lift dinged; it was going up.

"We wouldn't miss it!" he said reassuringly.

I pulled Elaine into a very quick hug. "I'll meet you for breakfast in the morning. Seven thirty OK?"

"Yes, Bella." she said.

"OK, see you both at seven-thirty in the restaurant for breakfast. It's all included."

"Congratulations again!" said Edward, as he stepped into the lift. He held the lift door open, and addressed somebody that was standing inside.

"Sorry for holding you up. I've just met my girlfriends father for the first time," he said excitedly.

I quickly hugged my dad 'goodbye'.

"Night Dad. I love you," I said happily.

I turned then and stepped into the lift.

I felt tired yet still giddy with the way the evening had turned out. Then that mood instantly plummeted when I saw whom Edward had been speaking to.

It was Riley. Standing in the lift, his eyes looking beyond me to see my dad and Elaine as they stood with their arms around each other smiling at us.

Edward's hand was against my lower back. He pressed the button for the 34th floor.

"Goodnight!" said Elaine and she waved frantically as the lift doors closed.

"Elaine reminds me so much of Eric. It's really uncanny." said Edward. He pulled me against his body, and kissed the top of my head.

It was like I was in some type of surreal dream; my heart started pounding.

The lift stopped on the thirty-third floor.

Riley walked beside us to exit, he turned slowly and stood just outside the lift, holding it open with his hand in a fist; the muscles in his forearm tightly flexed.

Sadness and regret was written all over his face.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I knew I had nothing to say. Riley looked from me to Edward; his nostrils flared.

"Is something wrong?" Edward asked so genuinely. He had no idea that he was face-to-face with Riley Biers.

"No." Riley said. "Everything is the way it should be." His accent was so overtly Australian, and inflected with sadness.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I hope you'll be happy."

Riley let go of the lift door and stepped back.

The doors started to close as if in slow motion. The last thing I saw was Riley's anguished and defeated expression.

I felt the lift car start to move up; I was frozen.

Edward pulled me closer and spoke softly in my ear. "That was _him_..."

I didn't need to confirm verbally; it was completely obvious.

"Are you OK?" he asked me.

I looked up into his eyes; I moved my arms up and around his neck. "Yes. Are you? I love you, so much!"

I was panicked and breathless, and yet, so decisive in my choice.

Edward would be all I'll ever want, and I suddenly felt immense gratitude that Riley hadn't caused a scene, that he gave me the one thing I wanted all along; permission to let him go from my heart and from my mind.

"He still loves you." Edward said calmly.

"Yes." I said. "But I love you. I need to be with you!"

"Good, because I'm not giving you up, _ever_."

Edward kissed me softly on the lips as the lift stopped and the doors slid open on the 34th floor.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I was calm. _He _wasn't what I expected.

The rage that I thought would engulf me—if I ever met the guy that broke Bella's heart—never came.

I thought that I was a good judge of character. His resigned sadness and his words assured me that he would never be a threat to me, or to Bella's happiness.

I felt sorry for him. The dark scenarios that had infected my thoughts when _I_ thought she had chosen him were still fresh in my mind.

He lost her. His actions drove her away. He wasn't worthy of her love, and she was always meant to be with me. _Always_.

_Bella is my soul mate._

Meeting her father, my hand holding hers the entire time, grounded me. Bella was my gravity. No matter how crazy my life was, Bella would always be there to keep me aware of the important things in this world.

Just as Alice's dream had predicted and I had hoped, Bella and I were always destined. I had no doubt about that. Our time-line may have been inadvertently skewed, but I met her, I would never let her go. _Never._

I was confident now that Bella and I could face anything.

When we stepped back into my hotel suite, I held her. Standing in the foyer, I held her in my arms and breathed her in.

_He__ is out of her life now. __Episode __is signed. I'd met her father. My family knows that Bella is __the One__ and I'll take her to meet them this weekend. Alice is on her way here..._

There was so much to absorb, but all of those thoughts dissipated as I held her, and felt her warm breath against my neck.

My mind flashed me back to the night Bella had taken me to Laurent's.

_I'm not drunk. I can relive that night yet change the outcome._

My hands glided down Bella's back, and I pulled her into me.

"I love you," I said and I kissed her softly.

I would erase all thoughts of her ex from her mind. I would show her exactly how much I loved her. I felt like a possessive and virile animal—the mountain lion from my dream—but that was suddenly acceptable, because Bella needed to know that I would never leave her, never hurt her. I would always be there to support, love and protect her. I needed her to survive. She needed me.

The dream details saturated my thoughts in Technicolor; the paparazzi separating me from her, her panic and desperation. I recalled my father's calm words: _'She'll survive it.'_

_She'll survive anything, because she'll have me, always._

My fingers found the zipper at the back of her sexy, red dress and I slowly eased it down.

My lips never left hers. I kept my eyes closed and my fingers slipped her dress off, then found the latch to unhook her bra.

"Edward," she sighed. I felt Bella's fingertips pulling my shirt buttons open.

The act of removing each other's clothing, sensually and unhurried, in the dimly lit foyer of my suite; I never wanted to forget. I wanted to remember every action.

When all our clothing and our shoes were gone, I hoisted Bella into my arms; just like I had at the cabin; her arms and legs wrapped tightly around me.

Her soft, pale skin warmed me, feeding me with the buzz of electricity that passed between our bodies. It made me realize how alive I was with her in my embrace.

I smiled as I carried her into the bedroom, aroused and excited beyond belief that my life from this point would never be the same.

Bella would be my world, my one single focus, and everything else would be secondary.

I sat on the bed, pulling her legs around me.

_My soul mate._

_"I love you."_

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

He guided me onto his lap, his large, talented hands held my head as he kissed me.

"_My soul mate_," he whispered and pulled back to look at me. _"I love you."_

More heart melting than the feel of his warm hands sending shivers over my scalp, were his eyes. They were glistening with longing and love. They were so honest, so perfectly readable and true.

I wanted to speak, but I was overcome.

"Everything will make sense to you, tomorrow. All of _this_, everything will be explained."

He kissed me, gently laving my lips with his warm, intoxicating essence. I closed my eyes, aware of his hands gliding over my skin, so gently.

When he lifted my thighs, I let him guide my wanton body over and onto him, slowly easing all the way down, with a low rumble in his chest. I could feel myself shuddering with the relief of his intimate touch.

_He's not wearing a condom. It doesn't matter. I'm due to get my period tomorrow; the likelihood of falling pregnant is slim. I want to feel him come inside me!_

Once again, the feeling of being with him this way was indescribable. He felt so right. I felt so complete, so fulfilled and indestructible.

_Edward is love._

_Edward is my twin-soul._

We didn't move.

I acknowledged the thrill of the feeling and then opened my eyes.

We stared at each other, hearts pounding, breathing accelerated with the effort of simply absorbing the connection and the overwhelming sexual bliss.

I was completely aware of every sensation; his warm hand on my lower back, with an amazingly heated temperature seemingly pulsing through his fingertips and into my skin, through my body, into my spine.

His sweet, breath, flowing in and out of his open mouth, wet lips slightly parted, the look of wonder and adoration so clear on his features, yet mixed with what looked like an excruciating self-control; he was forcing himself _not _to thrust.

I felt the zinging pleasure, deep within. I could feel my body responding as if the Earth had stopped moving, and every little detail seemed amplified. The feel of him, inside, filling and pulsing, wet heat and so much desperation.

I inadvertently clenched my pelvic floor muscles, igniting a burning desire to move my body and prolong the sexy, yet almost feral groan of pleasure that gushed in a breath from Edward's mouth.

"_To-morrow_," he repeated softly as if trying to affirm something.

"What...happens..._tomorrow_?" I said breathlessly before I slowly pushed my pelvis forward. I wanted to move, I wanted to feel all of him. I needed stimulation so badly! I thought I would explode.

Edward didn't answer, although his mouth was still open as if he did intend to speak. Instead I felt his knuckles graze my stomach as his hand slipped lower, then he turned his palm towards me, his long, graceful fingers seeking the spot that needed to be touched.

His other hand supported my lower back as he ever so gently touched one long, cool finger to where we were joined. His eyelids drooped and he kind of bucked his hips infinitesimally before he found my spot and caressed me into oblivion.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I'd thought it would be difficult to restrain myself, but I'd managed, just barely, to give her pleasure without breaking our connection.

I hadn't used a condom. I wanted to feel all of her, so I'd pulled her body onto me, without sheathing myself.

Movement would have been my downfall, so instead, I simply absorbed the feeling of being inside her while I touched her, where I knew she needed it.

When Bella came, I reacted immediately, lifting her off me and gently placing her back on the bed. I thought that there was no way on Earth that I would have been able to stop myself, but I did. I scrambled to get a condom on and then I was instantly inside her, frantically thrusting to build up to the most mind-blowing peak within seconds.

Sexual exhaustion seemed to relax my tired muscles.

"If you could be anywhere in the world right now... where?" I asked her.

We were naked in the bed, facing each other. I'd finally got my breath back. I let the euphoria of our lovemaking seep into my bones.

It was late. I didn't care. I needed this time with her. Time to talk, time to absorb everything that had happened.

She smiled; a sleepy, soft glow hit her cheeks.

"Right here," she said and her soft hand glided down to rest on my hip.

"Indulge me, please," I whispered.

"Um. OK," she bit her lip as she contemplated.

"The cabin, but it wouldn't be in Canada. It would be on an island that nobody could get to. It would be close to the water, but surrounded by a lush forest, but there wouldn't be any bears or wolves, actually, there would be _no _animals bigger than say, a cute bunny, and there would be a huge waterfall, and lots of trees, and no phones, and we could just… _make love," _she pushed herself closer to me as she said the word _love_, "whenever or wherever we wanted, or swim because the water would be really warm, like a bath and we would eat tropical fruit, like coconuts and mangoes and... I don't know...I've always wanted to learn how to play chess..."

Her excited, one-breath ramble was adorable.

"What about you?" she sighed. "Where would you want to be?" she asked quietly. Her hand moved up to touch my mouth and trace my bottom lip; her breath tickled my nose.

I already knew where.

"Laurent's." I said. "My girlfriend—who's also the most beautiful and supportive woman I've ever known—would be watching me perform. Sipping her wine, her eyes would never leave mine and I would just play my guitar and sing to her, like there are no other people in the room."

Bella pushed her open mouth against my jaw. "_Edward_."

"Or," I said. I waited until she pulled back to look at me lovingly, once more. "We'd be sixteen. We had to complete a biology project together, and you're in my bedroom, in Forks. But we ditch the project and make-out on my black leather sofa instead, because why would I even think of schoolwork when I'd just claimed the gorgeous new Australian student as my girlfriend."

She laughed.

"You wouldn't have taken a second look at me back then. I was introverted. I wasn't popular or... just..."

I pulled her closer. I slipped my hand under her thigh and hitched it over mine, not removing my hand.

"Trust me. You would have become the center of my universe. Without a doubt."

_Alice's dream._

It would have been the perfect time to tell her. Yet, I remembered Jasper's words to me. He said I should wait until Bella had met Alice. That Alice's 'gift' would seem completely implausible unless Bella had met Alice first.

_Alice will probably be here tomorrow._

Bella loved me. I loved her. Waiting an extra day wouldn't hurt. I could bask in the pleasure and the high I'd be riding since I found out she had chosen me...that _he _was no longer a threat.

"Edward," she said and touched my neck. "My phone message. You didn't hear it. I need to tell you what I said."

She was blushing. Her teeth were worrying her bottom lip.

"Tell me," I whispered.

"I want..._everything_, with you. I want to be with you. I want to live with you. One day, maybe you'll...maybe we'll want to... commit legally, like Dad and Elaine. Get married and start a family, you know in a few years," she looked away from my face, embarrassed.

"Look at me, please." I waited until her wide brown eyes looked to me. "I want that too Bella. Believe me, I want everything with you."

I wanted her to meet Alice and my parents and I wanted to propose to her properly—romantically with a ring. But I couldn't let her believe that I wasn't thinking the same thing for our future together.

"I want you with me, to live with me in L.A. and travel with me when I need to. I'm going to marry you one day, and children and everything you want. It will all be yours. I love you. I need you. Please don't ever doubt it."

A single tear ran down her face.

"_Bella, my love._"

We kissed. Bella pushed me onto my back and lay on top of me. Slowly we caressed, the desperation built.

It would always be this way. Our love, expressed sexually was intense and addictive.

Bella's soft body on top of me, pressing and writhing and her wet lips kissing my jaw, it was everything to me. She was everything.

"Let me get a condom," I said breathlessly when the need to be inside was all could focus on.

"I want to, _without one_. I need to feel you again."

"Bella, we sh—"

"It's OK, I'm going to get my period tomorrow, _please Edward_."

Then Bella took charge. I wouldn't deny her.

She gently took me in her hand and guided me against her, panting and squirming, lifting herself over me and slowly sinking down _on _me.

Every time seemed more amazing than the first time; feeling her heat and the sensation of being completely consumed by desire and love for her.

_We're made for each other._

Bella slowly raised herself up and began to love me, slowly, like she had when we'd made love at the B&B.

"You are my life now," I said breathlessly as I thrust into my beloved and watched her body shake from the pleasure of her climax.

I couldn't stop myself then. I anchored Bella to me with firm hands on her hips I shouted in carnal bliss as I thrust up into her. Not panicked, not fearful, but clear, in my mind and in my heart.

I was swept away. I lost all control as I came.

The connection—the feel of her—was indescribable.

I was momentarily disoriented, weak with bliss, drained of all coherence except the feel of her body.

Bella collapsed onto me. I was basking in her breathless kisses across my throat and the feel of her pounding heart against my chest.

In that moment I wanted to hide her way, from everyone. I wanted to hide her away from the world. I didn't want to share her with anyone. It was an overwhelming desire, one that I knew I couldn't fulfill.

_I won't ever be like _him_._

I moved her hair aside and sucked on her neck; her skin tasted like sweat and lust. I could do this all night. Just talk and make love and discuss our future.

Better than knowing it would always be like this with Bella, was the knowledge that we were _always _meant to be; that Bella was the one person in a world full of billions that was mine.

I couldn't believe how blessed I was to find her, to know that we were destined to be in the bar that night.

_What if Alice hadn't dreamed of her? What if I'd never met her? _

There was an ache in my chest. I could never answer those questions.

I knew then that everything that had happened since I met Bella—even the mess of miscommunication and assumptions—was all necessary to get us to this point, where nothing would ever come between us and promises would never be broken.

_Chief Swan knows my intentions. Bella will meet my family this weekend._

I'm not waiting for fate to deliver another cruel blow, or for anything to stop me from the course that's set.

_I'm going to ask my mom for Grandma Platt's diamond ring and as soon as I have it, I'm going to ask Bella to marry me._

~0~

**A/N: ****Hello! Sorry for the delay! Has everyone survived Robward from BD2—I was a swooning mess!**

**My thanks to mpg and twicrazreader for help with this chapter (((BIG HUGS))!**

**For a musical teaser to this chapter, please visit me on Twitter – Boydblog or Tumblr **

**Thank you so much for reading :)**

**Luv BB**


	48. Suite

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

"_Edward_."

I could feel Bella's lips on my cheek as she whispered my name; the warmth of her naked skin on mine. I didn't want to be awake; it felt like I'd only just gotten to sleep.

"You _need _to wake up," she whispered.

I tried to open my eyes, but it was next to impossible.

"Emmett's called my mobile twice. He said if you don't meet him downstairs in ten minutes, he's going to come and throw cold water all _over _you." she kissed my earlobe and breathed-out a sexy laugh. The sound sent a shockwave of desire straight to my dick.

"_Bella_," I said and rolled myself on top of her, pressing her back into the mattress.

I recalled how it felt to make love to her and I was instantly ready to do it again. I couldn't even open my eyes. Instead, I just felt and kissed her whilst sleepily inhaling the smell of sex and fresh sheets, and the faint scent of her floral perfume that seemed to be impregnated in her skin.

_Impregnated._

_'...I'm going to get my period tomorrow, please Edward.'_

I slowly opened my eyes when I recalled her words from last night.

"Did you...get your period?" I asked softly as I resumed kissing her neck.

"Not..._yet_," she moaned when my thumb gently glided over her breast.

I pulled away to look at her face. She was beautiful. Touching her skin was electrifying me; energizing me with desire. Her deep-brown eyes looked vibrant in the very dim light from the floor lamp.

The drapes were drawn, but I could tell it was still dark outside. Bella's hands were caressing my back.

I kissed her collarbone as I recalled everything that had happened yesterday.

I wanted her again. I was selfishly thinking that if it was soon to be that _time of the month_ for her, she'd not want to be intimate until it was over. I was greedy and insatiable as I remembered how blissful it was to connect with Bella, _without_ a condom that dulls the sensation.

"I _need _you." she said, like she could read my mind.

Bella spread her legs, raised her knees either side of my hips and glided her warm hands up and down my spine.

All thoughts of work and Emmett were forgotten as I slid inside Bella. I lazily rocked in and out, savoring the feel of her body underneath me, the taste of her breath and her wet tongue in my mouth.

I opened my eyes to see her face becoming pink, and her eyelashes fluttering. I was quickly losing control as the feel of her and her sweet sounds of pleasure overloaded my senses. I started thrusting with carnal intent as I roughly palmed her breast.

Time didn't exist in the throes of sexual euphoria.

Then I heard an incessant ringing.

It wasn't my ringtone. I looked to see Bella's phone moving as it vibrated across the nightstand.

"It's Emmett," Bella panted as her hands moved up to lock into my hair.

"Your phone is off. There's a do-not-disturb on your hotel phone, so he's been calling me..._ahhhh__...Edward...__I'm...I_..."

I lifted Bella's thigh and pushed up and over her, grinding down as I rocked my hips, trying to push against the place I knew would bring her immense pleasure.

"_Edward, Edward!_" she called out.

I felt Bella's body shudder and quake, contracting around me. I could barely hold on a few more seconds before I came; grunting her name as the thrill of ejaculating into her body rushed through me.

The release seemed to be even more intense than the two I had with her last night!

_I'm fucking blessed! It will always be like this!_

Bella's cell stopped ringing for a few short seconds and then started again.

I tried to regain my composure, but exhaustion paralyzed me. I pushed my face against her neck and took in long deep breaths, aware of how heated both our bodies were, and just how exhausted I was from lack of sleep. My lips brushed over the pulse point in her neck, her chest rising and falling rapidly. I was addicted to the feeling.

When the ringing broke through the haze of my euphoria, I tried to mentally shake my body out of the desire to sleep. I reached across Bella to take the phone that threatened to vibrate itself off the nightstand.

"_Emmett_."

"You need to get down here. We're already late and I need to get to the airport to collect Alice in an hour."

"An hour?" I questioned, exhaustion still affecting my ability to think.

I slowly pulled my sweaty body away from Bella's and I rolled onto my back.

" Alice called me late last night and asked me for Bella's number. I didn't think that was a good idea, so I offered to pick her up from the airport instead."

I took in a deep breath. I was equally excited and annoyed. I couldn't wait to see Alice and introduce her to Bella, but all I wanted right now was to sleep. My limbs were heavy, the pleasure of connecting with Bella pulsated a warm and sleepy bliss all over my body. She was snuggled to my side, her lips just barely grazing my bicep.

Bella's cell nearly slipped out of my hand, I didn't have the strength to even hold it to my ear.

"You've got five minutes before I'm bashing your door down. Don't think I won't," he said assertively.

"OK," I conceded, before disconnecting.

Even though I knew I had to get off the bed and drag myself into the shower, I couldn't move.

"I don't want you to go..." I heard Bella sigh as she pressed her lips to my bicep, her tongue licking, her teeth lightly scraping my skin.

I groaned with equal amounts of desire and frustration. I wanted nothing more than to immerse myself in loving Bella all day. I didn't want to go to work.

Yet my responsibilities were more sobering than I wanted them to be. My obligation to my contract, and the fact that more than two hundred crew were all doing their jobs, so that I could turn up and do mine.

I opened my eyes and touched Bella's cheek.

"We have tonight. We have _every_ night, together. I'm sorry. I should go before Emmett really does bust through the door."

I needed to snap out of it. I'd survived before on less sleep than this, and the last thing I wanted was for Emmett to actually appear in my room.

_Bella will meet Alice tonight. Everything is coming together. This is going to be a momentous day._

I slowly pulled away from the heat and comfort of Bella's naked body.

"I love you," I said softly and then forced my feet to drag me into the bathroom.

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

The distinct aroma of freshly brewed coffee and toast, wafted to my nose when I entered the hotel restaurant at 7:29am. I spotted Elaine, sitting by the window.

It felt like a fog of bliss from Edward's touch still surrounded my body, even though I'd just spent fifteen minutes in the shower.

I'd thrown on my cotton sundress; it was slightly crumpled from being in my backpack. My hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail. For some reason, I didn't want to wash the memory of Edward fingers combing through it as he held me in his arms last night.

I could feel my cheeks heat up as I recalled _everything_.

_Yeah, I'm still in the fog of love._

But in contrast to the remembrance of the overwhelming pleasure, I could also feel the telltale lower back pain that signaled I was indeed about to get a visit from _Aunty Mary._

_It was stupendously risky having unprotected sex, but when I get my period today, I can start on the pill and we can always..._

"Good morning!" said Elaine.

I'd been in a bliss-haze as I'd walked to her table. She looked well rested and immaculate.

"Morning," I said. "Is Dad still asleep?"

She laughed. "Yep. I just couldn't seem to rouse him. Not even the lure of a free breakfast would entice him out of that heavenly, cloud-like bed!"

"I know," I yawned and then apologized with my eyes for being so rude. "Sorry. I'm a little sleepy myself."

"Hmmmmm, I bet Edward is also?" she raised her eyebrow, and then touched my hand with an excited grin as I sat down. "He's...just...I'm very happy for you Bella. You look radiant, and he's such a gentleman, and the way he looks at you..."

I smiled back. I didn't think I could verbalize how exultant I was. But I tried anyway.

"I'm so happy, Elaine. I can't wait to meet his family. I just want to be with him. He's going to be in my life. It's surreal and crazy and kind of... too good to be true!" I rambled excitedly.

"It's completely obvious that he's head over heels in love with you. Even Charlie noticed and commented."

"What did he say?" I asked nervously. I hadn't sensed anything negative from Dad last night. I desperately wanted him to come to love and accept Edward.

"He said that he knows Edward is a genuinely truthful person and that...he thinks he'll be the perfect man to love and care for you. He said he always knew you would find a person to inspire you. Those words, the song, Bella, it was absolutely amazing."

I absorbed Elaine's words and I registered my heart pounding.

"I want everything with Edward. Everything. He's my soul mate."

No truer words had ever been spoken.

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

The safety harness was cutting into the same place it had yesterday and it felt like my skin would be permanently branded.

I was anxious. I expected that Emmett would have already collected Alice from the airport and assumed they would have been here by now.

I tried to focus on the job at hand. It was the seventh take. Rosalie was not performing to the standard Marcus expected. Even I could sense his frustration with her.

"Rose, your tone is too _assertive_. You think you're going to lose the love of your life, you need to let the emotion come through in your voice." said Marc. His voice sounded tinny through the earpiece I was wearing. "Again, from the top."

"Right, sure." Rosalie responded grumpily.

"Mark it! Action!"

"You've changed your mind, haven't you?"

Rosalie became the character.

Her soft, compassionate articulation was worlds away from her usual Valley-girl dialect. The 'mask' of her character was in place, the emotion visible, as her eyes became glassy.

"No, I haven't changed my mind. We have to be realistic. We can't ignore it." I responded, channeling the emotions I needed to seem convincing; nailing the scene so we could move on.

The rest of the scene played out flawlessly.

"Cut! Let's move to scene 1-0-2 set up, guys." I heard Marc's approval through the earpiece.

I relaxed my stance, wincing slightly as the movement exacerbated the pressure from the harness. The platform we were standing on didn't allow for us to sit while the cameras were re-positioned. The harness was secured to one of the tree branches, tight and stable. We were a good sixty yards off the ground.

Unlike yesterday, there was a slight cool breeze. The briskness and the pain from the harness was keeping me more alert. I was surprised how well the makeup had transformed my sleep-deprived pallor.

When I looked down, I saw Emmett and Alice walking towards the barrier.

"_Finally_," I said to myself.

"You're such a prick!"

I looked at Rose. Her face was pink; her pissed-off scowl had returned.

"I wasn't referring to—"

"I'm so sick of this!" she cut me off, not allowing me the opportunity to correct her assumption that I was commenting on her performance.

I closed my eyes and inhaled.

_I'm really not in any condition to put up with any of her attention-seeking antics right now. I'm tired. I'm sore. I just want to finish up for the day and take Alice to meet Bella._

I ignored Rosalie, looked to where Emmett and Alice were standing and waved.

Alice was grinning.

_She's gonna go nuts waiting for me to finish up so she can meet Bella. I'm surprised she didn't demand that Emmett take her directly to Bella at the hotel!_

Emmett walked Alice over to audio guy. I watched as he passed some headphones to Alice and she put them on.

"Edward!" she said excitedly and waved.

I laughed, and ignored Rosalie as she audibly huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. I knew she could hear Alice to.

"I can't believe I'm here!"

"Hey, it's great to see you," I said.

"Emmett said you met Charlie Swan last night?"

I knew what was going through Alice's head.

_She knows that I would have asked Chief Swan officially for his blessing to marry Bella._

I wanted to confirm it. But I hesitated. There were too many people listening in; Rosalie, Marc, the sound guy.

"We'll talk later, Alice. I'll fill you in then."

"Just say 'yes' or 'no', Edward! I'm dying here!"

"Alice—"

"Mom gave me something to give to you," her voice was high pitched and her excitement was infectious.

"It used to belong to Grandma Platt."

I knew instantly that Alice had the diamond ring that I planned to propose to Bella with.

_I don't have to wait until the weekend. I can propose to Bella tonight!_

I laughed. Happiness seeped out of every pore in my skin; tingled through every hair on my body.

"Thank you, Alice. Thank you."

"You deserve to be happy!" she said.

I watched as she took off the headphones and handed them back to the sound guy.

I closed my eyes and thought of Bella.

Never in my life had I ever felt so completely sure about something. I wanted nothing more than to declare myself to Bella forever.

Rosalie huffed and sniffed. I almost forgot that she was standing right next to me.

"How lovely," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "A visit from your sister. What's the occasion, Edward? She's come to meet the little fangirl you're dating?"

I opened my eyes but I refused to look at her.

"Or maybe she's here to help you clean up the mess you made of Bree Tanner? It's all over Twitter how you're into _underage_ girls. How wonderful for your career advancement! If only you'd taken my advice and dated Zafrina!"

_Ignore her! There's no way I'm taking the bait. Not today._

"I suppose it doesn't hurt to pretend to _date_ the Executive Producers' seventeen-year-old niece, to deflect the media from the fact you're simply dating 'a _nobody'_. Very well played!"

Anger flashed through me. I was seething inside, but I forced myself to not give her the reaction I knew she was trying to elicit from me.

I looked her directly in the eyes.

"Nothing you do or say is important to me. I used to feel sorry for you. But now, there's no feeling at all. You're a sad and toxic person, Rosalie Hale. You can't infect me with your bitterness." I said calmly.

I turned away from her and tried to rein in my anger.

I closed my eyes and thought of Bella's individualism the way she is, her sweet disposition, her excitement and compassion. Bella is the complete antithesis of Rosalie Hale.

_How dare she call Bella 'a nobody?' _

But try as I might to dismiss Rosalie's vindictive words, anxiety seeped into my bones.

This is what Bella will have to deal with; people discounting her relationship with me. People hating her for no reason, other than their jealousy or because they blindly believe anything that the media writes.

Will Bella become a stronger person? Or will exposure to the Hollywood life I'm living deflate and poison her? Just like it has Rosalie? Will the media shrink or amplify Bella's self-image?

My gut ached, because I didn't have an answer to those questions and I fucking loathed Rosalie for making me even think about it.

I opened my eyes to see her trying to unlatch her harness from the safety wire.

"What _are_ you doing? We have another scene."

She didn't answer.

The stunt supervisor was calling out for her to stop.

"Is there a problem up there?" Marc asked us.

I heard someone shouting from below.

"Rose!" I reached for her. "Stop! Put that back on before you—"

She started crying.

Adrenaline rushed through me then, as I realized this was more than attention-seeking, and if she managed to pull loose the other carabiner, and slipped, there would be nothing but a free-fall drop of more than 50 yards.

"Rose, stop!"

I managed to grab her hand. I maneuvered my leg to get closer and pulled her waist harness towards me.

"Let go of me!" she shouted in my ear.

"Rosalie!" Marc yelled through the earpiece.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"You're so fucking smug! I hate you Edward Cullen! I want to get down, right now!"

She was hysterical.

Her fingers started to unlatch the other side of the harness.

"Marc, get someone up here, please." I tried to sound calm, but I was far from it. Rose's harness was attached to mine.

"Rose, let's just wait for the professionals to get us down, take a break and talk about it."

"Now you wanna talk? After you've blown me off so many times? You don't know what it's like for me. You can't possibly know how hard it is to see him every day and know he'll never want me!"

_Emmett? This is about Emmett?_

I briefly looked down to spot Emmett, who was still standing with Alice, oblivious that this dramatic scene Rosalie was performing had anything to do with him.

She was bawling now, hyperventilating.

"I'll tell him!" I said automatically.

My hand still had a hold of her harness. I was only marginally appeased when I realized she couldn't reach for the last carabiner at the back.

"No! _You can't!"_ she sobbed.

"Rosalie, reconnect your harness now…" Marcus sounded stern. I instantly knew that was the wrong tone to take with Rosalie when she was upset.

I watched as her eyes went wide and she ripped the earpiece from inside her ear and let it drop to the ground.

"You can't tell him!" she yelled at me.

Then Rosalie pushed my hand away and the force of her movement sent her backwards and off the narrow platform that we were standing on.

I felt the straps of the harness cut deeply with the force of her weight as she fell. Her scream echoed off the trees as she dropped. I tried to keep my footing, but it was no use. I could feel myself slipping as well.

"_Fuck_!"

There was shouting and chaos. I leaned back, the pain was excruciating.

Then the familiar voice of the stunt guy who'd conducted the safety training.

"Edward, can you hold her weight until we can get to you?"

I couldn't see her, but I felt her harness swinging her in a wide arc, as I tried to hold the wire and support her weight. The harness straps cut under my legs and across my back.

"Fuck! No, I'm slipping! You have to get her!"

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I hugged Dad and Elaine before they went in the lift and up to their room. We'd had a wonderful day, just wandering around the city.

I'd never seen my dad so relaxed before.

I was so excited to get back to the B&B. I needed some time with Kate. I wanted to tell her everything, and get ready to see Edward. I just needed to be alone with him.

I pushed the 'down' lift button so I could get Kate's car, when I felt and heard my phone ringing from inside my bag.

_Emmett?_

"Hi Emmett!" I answered.

"Bella, thank goodness you answered."

"Did Edward get in trouble for being late?" I asked him.

"Umm no. Where are you?" He sounded upset.

"I'm still at the hotel. Is everything OK? Is Edward with you?"

"Listen to me carefully. Edward's friend, Angela Weber, is on her way to the hotel. Can you meet her at the front entrance in ten minutes?"

"Sure, why? Is there something wrong?"

"Angela will explain when she gets you," he said curtly, but with a level of distraction. I could hear some background noise. It sounded like he was inside.

"_Gets_ me?" I questioned. "Where is she taking me?" I asked, starting to feel rather anxious.

"Um, Bella, I don't wanna tell you on the phone. Angela will explain everything. Just meet her out front." his voice inflected a tone that completely unnerved me.

Dread, anxiety, panic.

_Something's not right._

"What's happened? Emmett? Please tell me; you're scaring me."

He didn't answer straight away.

"It's Edward," he finally spoke. "There was an accident, on-set. _Rosalie_…The safety harness...he fell, and landed at an odd angle. He hit his head. We're at the hospital."

Red.

All I saw in my vision was red. My temples pounded, the pain was excruciating.

Anguish.

So stabbing was my anguish that couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I knew Emmett was talking to me but it was like I'd been sucked into a glass bubble; his words were muffled and distorted.

Desolation.

The red haze in my vision turned to black, the blackest black; an infinite black dread.

My heart was no longer in my body, and my brain felt like it was shutting down because it couldn't deal with processing the information.

_Edward._

_Edward can't be hurt! NO! He can't be hurt! I can't take it! _

Then the black swirled, and it was like I was falling, and I felt strong arms grab me and I heard a familiar voice, and then a muted smashing sound.

Darkness.

~0~

"Miss Swan, please have some water. Bella?"

I didn't want to open my eyes. I recognized Mike the concierge's voice.

I wanted to be back in my apartment in Sydney. I wanted my cat Jake to be purring in my ear. I wanted the last six months to be erased.

It had been a dream, a sick and perverted dream; a dream in which I won a writing prize, traveled to a distant country to write, then in my first weeks there, I met a gorgeous man, one that would change my life forever.

The dream was a nightmare, a twist of the knife that had already pierced my abused heart.

_What was the point of meeting my soul mate, if I was destined to lose him as soon as I found him! _

_Edward is hurt. He's in a hospital! I can't survive this, I just can't._

Flashing remembrances of nurses and tubes and wires—and Riley, his face cold and pale—the sickening scent of antiseptic, and watery, instant coffee in paper cups. I recalled the sound of the nurses' shoes squeaking over the highly polished linoleum, the whisperings of loss and death and sickness and hope, and miracles.

But what if there was no miracle for me? I knew I couldn't wake from this particular nightmare.

How could I bear it, how could I acknowledge it, without completely falling apart?

"Miss Swan?"

I forced my eyes open. It was Mike and I was in an unfamiliar room on a low sofa.

I was suddenly cold; so freezing cold. I could feel it to my bones, the shivering iciness that covered every inch of my body. It was the kind of cold that made your skin feel like it was actually burning.

"Drink this," Mike smiled at me, and held a ceramic teacup to my lips. I could see the worry in his eyes.

Then the door burst open and Garrett rushed into the room. He was in his chefs' uniform.

"I think she'll need something stronger, Mike."

Garrett held a crystal glass to my lips. I inhaled the scent—_brandy_.

I took a tentative sip. I could feel the warm liquid burning down my throat. It tasted like poison—I wished it was a poison—that would seep into my bloodstream and spread excruciatingly slowly to start shutting down my internal organs, petrifying them, turn me into cold, hard stone, unfeeling and unable to shatter. I needed something to protect my heart, to shield me from the pain of even thinking I could lose Edward.

The cold seemed to persistently encompass me. My hands were shaking. I couldn't keep my eyes open.

_Edward. I love you._

"She's in shock. I'll get a blanket."

"Miss Swan, Bella," crooned Mike.

I tried to open my eyes.

_Yes_.

"A girl called Angela Weber is on her way here to the hotel, to take you to the hospital."

_NO, I can't go to the hospital. I can't._

"No, I can't go there!" I croaked. I felt instantly nauseous and dizzy.

_I can't do this again! I can't see someone I love in pain! What if he...doesn't make it!_

"Bella."

Suddenly Angela was kneeling on the floor in front of me, her hands on my knees her kind eyes and soft voice, a warming familiarity.

Mike took the glass of brandy from my shaking hands, and then I felt Angela's fingers capture mine in a firm grasp. Garrett draped a blanket around my shoulders.

"Bella, please, you have to come with me. Edward will want you there, he..._wants you_..."

"Angela, I _can't_..."

Images of RPA hospital flickered in my mind like I was watching some old movie on a glitchy VHS.

She sighed. "Bella, I know, and I understand what you went through when Riley was in the hospital, but this is _Edward_, and you need to help him now, just like you helped Riley recover. _Please _Bella, you're his..._friend_. He _needs_ you! You need to come with me."

_Recover? Friend? Angela doesn't know that Edward and I are more than friends? She doesn't know that he is my world, he is everything! I can't lose him!_

"I can't lose him now!" I could feel the tears streaming down my face, but the rest of my body felt numb.

"Bella, we don't know the details, yet," she sounded so tentative. "Emmett said I should bring you to the hospital. Edward needs you. Alice will meet us there."

_Alice?_ _Oh God, it must be bad if his sister is already there from L.A!_

I pulled away from Angela's grip and held my face in my hands. The room was spinning. I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Remember you told me that Victoria saw Riley every day, didn't she? But it was you that got him through it. _You_ Bella, his friend. Edward needs you."

Angela's calming voice flashed me back to the room. I slowly opened my eyes.

_My Edward_.

_I can do this. I can help him recover. He _will_ recover, for me. He loves me. I can't lose him now, I just can't!_

My body seemed to want to stand.

Then, we were in a car. Angela was driving. She had white ear buds on and was speaking on a call. I still felt nauseous. Panic had infected me. The motion as Angela took corners at high speed, threatened to make me puke.

"Yes, OK, Brett Warner. Got it. No, she's...that's right. Nothing at all? What time? It's OK, I won't leave her."

We eventually pulled into a parking lot and I saw people, lots of people: girls, teenagers, camera crews, and lots of women.

_Edward's fans?_

They had laid down flowers and had lit so many candles, even though it was still daylight. I couldn't help but sob as my tears blurred the scene. It looked like they were preparing for a midnight vigil; they were all crying and hugging each other.

"Oh God, please tell me he's going to be OK, I won't be—"

"Bella. Edward's dad has been on the phone to the hospital. He's a doctor and he knows some of the staff here. I assure you, Edward will be...in the best care, no matter what has happened. There really isn't any information yet. Well, not that they've released publicly."

"They won't let us in Angela!" I croaked. "Look at all the fans. We're not family. I know how hospitals work."

"We're getting in. Just, try to stay calm, or look calm and come with me."

I followed Angela as she started walking through the lot, instead of walking towards the crowd of fans, she veered left and to a green door, that was to the right of the 'No Access Emergency Vehicles Only' entry.

She called someone from her cell phone.

"Brett Warner, please."

We stood at the door. My legs felt like jelly and I was sweating.

_This is all a fucked-up nightmare; I'm going to wake up._

"Hi Brett, this is Angela Weber. We're at the door...OK."

Angela looked relieved and put her phone in her pocket. She was so calm and yet switched-on and I felt even more depressed, because here I was going to pieces. Edward was my boyfriend and I'd only known him four weeks. Angela had known him for years, and she wasn't falling apart like me.

_She's a real friend; I'm just a girl who can't deal with any of this. I can't lose him. I can't. I can't be in another hospital; I just can't see him hurt. I'm just not strong enough to go through it a second time! Am I cursed? Why do the men I love end up broken and in hospital!_

The door clicked open and startled me.

"Angela?" said a tall, fair-haired orderly.

"Yes, Brett Warner?" she asked and grabbed my hand to pull me through the doorway.

Brett Warner instantly led us through a maze of service corridors and up two flights of stairs.

The ambiance was eerie. The off-white walls, scuffed and marked, the smell of heavy bleach burned my nostrils.

Then we went through another door and we were in the ward.

Nurses shuffled with purpose down the hallways. People talked in whispers over the faint, hypnotic pulse of beeping heart-monitors.

I stopped walking; my mind begged me to get the hell out of there.

_I can't see Edward hurt and lying in a hospital bed!_

"Bella, it's OK, I'll be with you the whole time, as soon as we find out how Edward is we can leave if you want. I promise." Angela wrapped her arm around my waist and started guiding me forward towards Brett Warner, the orderly that was holding a door open for us.

I proceeded as if I was in some trance state. Images of the night in the bar flashed back to me: Edward playing the hypnotic piano music, my hand scribbling words as they flew around in my mind, a swirl of letters and shapes forming sensual, emotive lyrics to our song, _Episode_.

Tears dripped from my eyes. I was a complete mess.

"Angela, thank goodness." Alice Cullen greeted Angela with a hug and a kiss to her cheek.

"Bella," said Angela softly, "this is Edward's sister, Alice."

I looked into Alice's hazel eyes. She was searching my face, scrutinizing me, and she looked astounded. She stepped towards me and hugged me tightly. I couldn't help but take the gesture in a bad way, like she needed to console herself _and_ me. Like she knew I was about to break down.

_Edward's not going to make it!_

"It's wonderful to finally meet you, Bella. I wish it could be under more casual circumstances," she whispered, before she pulled back and stared into my eyes.

Her faint smile was tinged with relief and a kind of familiarity. She didn't look anything like Edward, but I felt a strange connection to her.

_We both love him. We'll both need each other to get through this._

"Is he...?" I asked, even though I wasn't sure I could cope with her answer.

_Please say 'He's going to be OK'._

"He has a closed transverse fracture, his tibia. The cast is set. They're waiting on some test results to come back. They're keeping him under until they know what they're dealing with." Alice's facial features were blank and she seemed collected.

"Under? He's not conscious?" I asked, panicking more than ever. I couldn't help but remember how they'd kept Riley in a medically induced coma, because they knew his injuries were very bad.

Would she tell me if it was _really_ bad? I wasn't family. I knew Edward told her about me, but she didn't know the level of our commitment Edward and I shared!

I gripped Angela's arm tightly.

"He's had a head trauma. My dad told me its standard procedure to keep him out. His body needs to recover. My Dad's going to be on the next plane. We'll know more when the test results come back."

I wiped the tears from my face.

"You know, I _believe _he's going to be OK. I think I'd feel differently if something... He feels, at peace."

A sob broke from my chest.

"No, '_at peace'_ is the wrong way to say it. He hasn't told you, has he?" she asked, and she seemed shocked.

"Told me what?" I sobbed.

This was fast becoming insanely surreal. Alice's cryptic words were aggravating my panic.

_Edward could die! His sister is telling me he will be at _peace_!_

_I just can't..._

Alice pulled on my arm and took me to sit on a faded, grey vinyl covered chair in the corridor. She sat next to me, her hand still holding my arm reassuringly.

"Edward and I have an emotional connection. It's a 'twin' thing. I can tell he feels…_calm_. He's not in pain," she said. "I'm sure he's going to be fine. We just need to believe."

There was an ache in my chest. I'd instantly categorized Alice as a positive person, so her assessment didn't leave me with any confidence.

_She's an optimist, not a realist!_

I wanted to feel positive, I did, but I knew any trauma to the head was a serious injury.

"Let's go see him!" said Alice and I stared at her with incredulity.

I was not a family member.

"Come on!" Alice stood and tugged on my arm to drag me forward. Angela held my hand as we walked to a door.

A nurse had just exited the room. She smiled warmly, but her shoulders were straight and no-nonsense.

"This is Bella and Angela." Alice stated.

The nurse looked at us, and then she looked back at Alice.

"I want complete silence from that room. You have ten minutes and ten minutes only, capiche?"

"Thank you Nurse VanDale. We'll be super quiet!"

In a blur, Alice pulled me into the room.

Edward was lying on a raised bed, his leg was in a cast but it wasn't elevated. He had a bandage around his head. His skin looked really pale, but his lips were red. He didn't look in pain; he looked like he was sleeping.

I stood, frozen as I watched Alice walk up to him. She took his hand and spoke calmly.

"Bella's here, Edward. I can't believe you haven't told her yet! Lucky for you you're not conscious! I'm going to kick your butt when you wake up!" she laughed and then smoothed her delicate hand over his brow.

Salvia pooled in my mouth. I felt like I was in some bizarre alternate universe. Alice's positive attitude seemed really fake and annoying to me.

_How can she speak that way? What if his injuries are permanent? What if..._

Alice turned to look at me.

"Come on Bella. He needs to know you're here."

I couldn't speak. I couldn't move.

"Alice, maybe Bella can be alone with Edward for a minute, you know..." said Angela.

A vibrant smile spread across Alice's face. She was annoyingly jubilant considering her brother was pale, broken and unconscious.

"Of course," she agreed and they left the room.

As soon as I heard the door click closed, I took in a deep breath.

I made my feet walk to his side. My throat ached with a dry throbbing pain, and my tears just kept flowing silently.

When I picked up his hand, I was so disturbed by how limp it was. How his body was so still, apart from the soft rise and fall of his chest as he breathed through the tubes of oxygen in his nose.

It was devastating to compare the man lying here in this depressing hospital room, to the warm, sleepy Edward that was instantly responsive and reactive to my touch when he'd made love to me this morning.

_Was that the last time I'd ever get to feel him loving me?_

"Edward," I croaked and tried to swallow. I touched my lips to his cool cheek, as if I could transfer the heat from my skin into him.

_This isn't happening._

"Please, Edward..._don't_..." I whispered as I cried.

I couldn't bear to think of any outcome that didn't have him with me. I kissed his cool forehead, and inhaled the soft masculine scent of his hair; my fingers gripped his cold hand possessively.

"Come back to me. I love you."

~0~

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I'm glad you came back…thank you for your encouragement and support, especially mpg, who helps me whip my words into shape, TwiCrazreader, Mountainlion718 and Cared for being such great motivators! Until next time… xxx**


	49. Canon

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~0~

Hello! Once again, my profuse apologies for the stupidly long time it takes me to update. I'm thankful that you clicked on the link and you're about to read...

This chapter is entitled 'Canon', and yes, I've _borrowed _from _Twilight _(book and movie)and _Midnight Sun_. No copyright is intended as I pay tribute to Stephenie Meyer. I wish I could thank her personally for creating Edward Cullen! Oh and I'd really _love _to thank Robert Pattinson in person for being so spectacular as Edward, but, yeah,_ like that will happen_! So, my dear, faithful readers please indulge me.

All I can do is dream...

_**From Chapter 48 - Suite (EPOV)**_

_Then Rosalie pushed my hand away and the force of her movement sent her backwards and off the narrow platform that we were standing on._

_I felt the straps of the harness cut deeply with the force of her weight as she fell. Her scream echoed off the trees as she dropped. I tried to keep my footing, but it was no use. I could feel myself slipping as well._

_"Fuck!"_

_There was shouting and chaos. I leaned back, the pain was excruciating._

_Then the familiar voice of the stunt guy who'd conducted the safety training._

_"Edward, can you hold her weight until we can get to you?"_

_I couldn't see her, but I felt her harness swinging her in a wide arc, as I tried to hold the wire and support her weight. The harness straps cut under my legs and across my back._

_"Fuck! No, I'm slipping! You have to get her!"_

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I woke, but didn't open my eyes. There was a dull heaviness against my leg. It was throbbing and didn't feel..._normal_. I wanted to go back to sleep, but then I felt like I was forgetting something very important.

_Bella_.

I could smell her perfume. I could feel the heat from her body lying next to me.

Making love to her had taken every ounce of my energy. The pleasure still seemed to beat through my veins like a drug, as I recalled how she felt...

_She's so fucking amazing. I'm desperately in love._

"Edward!"

Sleep was still dragging me under. I rolled onto my stomach; my aroused dick pressed into the unusually hard mattress, and I reached out to pull Bella's body against mine.

_I want her._

"Edward!" shouted Alice's voice. I could hear knocking.

_Why in the hell is Alice in my hotel suite?_

I blinked and lazily lifted my hand to rub away sleep from my eyes. My throat felt awfully dry and there was a tingling metallic taste on my tongue.

When my eyes focused, I was completely aghast.

Bella wasn't in bed with me.

I wasn't in my suite at the hotel. I wasn't in bed at the B&B, where Bella and I had spent a glorious weekend exploring each other's bodies.

I sat up, and pulled the black cotton sheet over my lap.

_This is my bedroom at home…I mean my _old_ home…in Forks_.

My room was exactly how I remembered it. Familiar books and CD's, spine-out and alphabetically arranged, were on my bookcase along the wall; my baseball trophies on the top shelf. The view through the floor-to-ceiling glass showcased the lush green of the trees. They were blanketed with foggy morning dew and bathed in a soft, grey light that was so typically representative of the rainy Olympic peninsula.

My bedroom door burst open and Alice rushed in, still wearing her nightgown, her short hair sticking up on one side of her head.

"Edward!"

It was like I was dreaming. Alice's youthful appearance mirrored that of her teenage years. I closed my eyes and pushed my palm against my forehead.

_I'm having a weird, yet _very _realistic dream._

"Edward, I dreamed about her! Your soul mate!"

_This is just_ a v_ery trippy case of_ _déjà vu._

Confusion mixed with sleepiness and an even more pronounced ache in my leg.

My mind filtered through a hazy memory.

_I was on-set. Alice and Emmett had arrived from the airport. Rosalie was being…_difficult_._

My heart rate seemed to accelerate as I recalled seeing Rosalie's pale face, her expression apologetic, as she looked up at me. We were both hanging. My harness was supporting all her weight as she was only suspended by one carabiner connecting her harness to the safety wire.

I seemed to recall that they'd gotten Rosalie down quickly, but before they could get to me, the tree branch gave out and I fell to the trampoline. My leg clipped the edge and I bounced backwards.

_Fuck no!_

"She's beautiful; she's kind and self-sacrificing. She will love you more than you will ever know. She will be searching for you; you are destined to be together. I think it's soon, Edward. I feel like you _will_ meet her very soon. She's creative and humble. She loves music; she will be your muse. She will support you and encourage you; you will be lost without her. Edward the impression in my dream was extremely distinct. She has—"

"STOP!" I begged.

The surreal state of the situation was filling me with panic and dread.

"How old are we?" I demanded.

"_What_? I'm telling you about your _soul mate_, Edward!" Alice said with irritation.

"_Please_ Alice," I could feel the fear crawling up my throat.

_Did I fucking die?_ _If I'm dead, if I've left her..._

_Bella baby. I'm sorry. Oh God, I promised we'd be together forever!_

"Sixteen. What's going on? Did you and Ben smoke pot last night?"

"Alice, no. There was an accident. I think...I think I... _died_."

~0~

"I can _feel_ that you believe what you're saying." Alice said, after I explained everything to her; my career, meeting Bella in Vancouver, what happened on set...

I sensed Alice was trying to think up a more plausible explanation to my theory.

"Maybe we should ask Dad? Maybe that marijuana you _did _smoke is causing you to hallucinate. Maybe it's delayed psychosis, or...something?"

I groaned and pulled at my hair. "You think Bella was a hallucination? You think I dreamed my whole life up, Alice?"

"Well, it is kind of unbelievable; you're a Hollywood actor? _Seriously_, Edward?"

"You two are going to be late!" I heard my mom sing cheerily from the bottom of the stairs.

"Think of it this way," Alice continued. "Maybe you're just unconscious and on lots of pain meds in a hospital and _this _is all in your head!" she laughed but then she reached out to punch my arm.

"Hey!" I said as I rubbed the sore spot.

"OK, maybe not." she frowned, and then looked just as confused as I felt. "Regardless, you have to drive me to school. So, get dressed!"

The thought of going to school made me feel even more uncomfortable than the phantom pressure against my leg.

I dressed quickly, frustrated by the memories swirling in my head.

My somber mood temporarily lifted when I walked downstairs and saw my mom. She looked radiant and happy; exactly as I remembered her being when I was sixteen. I could even smell the faint aroma of her perfume—Shalamar—in the kitchen.

The house was picture perfect. I didn't think my memory could have retained every single detail of the rooms in our old house in Forks. As Alice had pointed out, Ben and I _did _experiment with pot when we were sixteen.

_I love this house. I enjoyed this time of my life._

When Alice and I walked into the garage and I saw my pristine Volvo, I was pumped.

I recalled the pleasure that driving my car to school had given me, like it was yesterday.

_Maybe this is a long held fantasy that's been buried in my subconscious. Maybe I need to re-live this time in my life?_

My fingers twitched against the key as I walked to the drivers' side.

"So, if you're twenty-three and you've just met _Bella_," mused Alice, "then, how old am I when I meet _him_?"

"_Him_?" I questioned, even though I knew she would be referring to _her _soul mate, Jasper Whitlock.

She rolled her eyes at me as we sat in the car and put our seatbelts on. "I've met _him_, right? In your, um, _future_?"

"You were nineteen." I stated.

"Oh MY God! What's HIS NAME?" she screeched in my ear.

I smiled and shook my head.

"Tell me!" she demanded. "Please, _please just _tell me his name!"

_This is just a dream, right? I'm not going to fuck-up some future scenario or cause the World to implode if I tell her..._

The dense pain still throbbed through my leg as I shifted into reverse.

"His name is Jasper."

I looked at her briefly. She closed her eyes; she looked like she was meditating.

"Are _Jasper _and I married?" she asked.

"No. You've been making him wait. You said you couldn't possibly marry your soul mate until I'd found mine." I grinned at her.

"That sounds like me!" she laughed.

Alice stayed quiet as I drove down our driveway. She didn't ask me specific details about Jasper, but I could tell she really wanted to.

The drive to school was familiar, yet slower than I remembered.

_That's because I used to drive like a maniac to school! There were no leeches following me, tailing me to take my photo! Back then I was carefree and indestructible!_

Like a hundred times before, I let myself think of Bella—about meeting her here, in Forks—if she had come to live with Chief Swan.

_Would I have become an actor if I'd met her and she was mine?_

I pulled the car into the school parking lot.

_If this is a dream—my dream—could I dream Bella's here and I get to meet her now? Maybe it's my dying wish._

My chest ached.

"We're going to have a really bad day if you keep doing that!" Alice said as she pressed her hand against her heart.

"I'm sorry." I said. "What if I never see her again; if I've left her alone?"

A tear ran down Alice's cheek.

"Sorry." I breathed-in deeply, and opened the car door.

"I think we should check dad's medical journals tonight. Maybe there are case-studies about hallucinations during near-death...I mean, _unconsciousness_?" Alice said as she wiped her tears away.

~0~

I went to classes. The familiarity of my surroundings sent a wave of nostalgia and contentment through me that was strangely incredible.

_Life in High School is simple, _easy_._

Here, I'm just a regular guy. People talk to me normally. Girls don't stare or giggle as I walk past. It was something that I didn't get in the reality of my 'actor' life, and I realized how much I truly missed it.

_But this is all a dream_, I hoped.

I tried pinching myself to wake up. It didn't work.

So I sat through lunch and 'visualized' how my dream would go.

Biology was my next class. In my mind, I imagined that Bella would be there. It would be her first day at Forks High. She had taken her mom's advice and come from Australia to live with Chief Swan. She'd sit next to me. We'd have to do some lame lab-work together.

Then the bell rang. I practically ran to class, and sat at the lab desk that I remembered from all those years ago.

I mentally chanted, begged, and even _prayed _that she would walk into the room.

My hope had all but faded, and the doubts started creeping back, as I watched familiar faces from my youth slowly file through the classroom doorway.

_This isn't a dream. I can't control it. Maybe I'm destined to repeat High School over and over for eternity. Maybe school is my subconscious manifestation of heaven, or hell?_

The swell in my chest had me gasping for breath when I saw her.

Bella walked into the room holding a piece of paper. She handed it to Mr. Molina, and I watched mesmerized as he motioned for her to sit on the vacant stool next to me.

_I did this! I made her appear with the just the power of my mind?_

Bella walked slowly to our table. She appeared shy and introverted. She had a small blemish above her lip that she'd tried to cover with concealer. She was _my _Bella, but she didn't know me.

_Why am I getting to 'live' this?_

_Because I'm unconscious! What did Alice say...maybe I'm in a hospital and pumped full of pain meds. I'm still alive. I can't have left her!_

Bella smiled when she sat next to me. I could smell her floral perfume, and her strawberry scented hair.

"Hello." I said softly. I tried not to reveal my exuberance. "My name is Edward Cullen. You're Bella."

She flashed me a nervous smile, as I looked into her wide brown eyes; she looked bewildered.

Her cheeks began to flush. It took her a few seconds longer than it should have for her to respond.

"Um, how do you know my name?" she asked.

A warm rush of rapture shot through my body at the sound of her voice. Her Australian accent was so familiar to my ears now, so distinct and cherished.

"Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive."

I wanted to say that_ I_, and _I alone_, had been waiting...

"No," she said, "I meant, why did you call me Bella?"

I was confused, and my expression must have communicated volumes to her.

"I think Charlie—I mean my Dad—must call me Isabella behind my back. That's what everyone here seems to know me as."

"Oh," I said lamely.

I tried to focus. I didn't want to weird her out. To Bella, I was a complete stranger.

_Stranger_.

When I thought about it, I realized that I hadn't met many people in the last two years, who didn't already know who I was.

The reality of fame was far reaching. The only other comparable experience was when Bella took me to Laurent's, and I met the geriatric musicians that had no clue that I was a Hollywood actor.

_Maybe I subconsciously wish that Bella hadn't _known of _me when we met?_

She was looking straight ahead, and I realized I was staring.

Bella had no idea that all I wanted to do was hold her, kiss her neck, while I inhaled her floral perfume, and revel in the buzzing static that _would _pulse through me at every touch of her skin.

"Get started," Mr. Molina instructed.

I used the time to take in a painfully large breath. It felt like it took every ounce of self-control that I'd practiced in my twenty-three years of life, to just sit next to Bella and try and stay platonic.

_Surely the love I feel is written all over my face?_

"Ladies first, partner?" I offered, in the hope I could disguise the pure desire I felt for her.

I had no idea how long my dream would last, or even if I _was _actually dreaming.

_Maybe I _am _in my own personal version of heaven?_

Even as I briefly let that thought into my head, I didn't want to scare her, by appearing to come on too strong. Yet my traitorous, testosterone-fuelled body had other ideas.

I found myself staring at the equipment on the table; the battered microscope, the box of slides, rather than watch Bella's petite fingers in action. I was stupid to think in doing so, that I could suppress the memory of the pleasure of making love to her. The entire volume of blood in my body rushed to a certain appendage.

_Fuck! Maybe I am sixteen!_

I cursed my inability to control myself. I was so thankful that the table concealed my current physical state.

"Prophase," she said after a quick examination. She started to remove the slide.

"Do you mind if I look?" I said it impulsively—hoping the distraction would help me calm myself. I reached out to stop her hand from removing the slide. For the briefest second, the buzzing pulse zapped through my hand and traveled up my arm, simultaneously elating me and crushing my spirit, because Bella yanked her hand out from under mine, as If I'd burned her.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. I quickly grasped the microscope and stared briefly into the eyepiece.

_Take deep breaths; stay calm._

"Prophase," I agreed.

"Like I said," she responded quietly, and there, right there, in that split second, was my Bella.

Hidden deep within this shy sixteen year old—that must have felt nervous about being in an American school and all the newness of her new living arrangement with Chief Swan—was her fire and spirit. I smiled as I looked at her and waited. She eventually looked up at me through her lashes. Her eyes roamed my face.

_Do you feel it, even now, Bella? The pull for us to be together?_

I was still too aroused to be able to hold her gaze. Breathing as quietly as I could through my nose, I tried to will my erection away. I concentrated on the simple assignment, writing the answer on the lab sheet, and then switching out the first slide for the next.

"Anaphase," I said to myself as I wrote on the second line.

"May I?" she asked.

I couldn't help but smile at the hopeful look on her face as I pushed the microscope towards her. She stared into the eyepiece with distinct eagerness.

"Slide three?" she asked, not looking up from the microscope, but holding out her hand. I dropped the next slide onto her palm. The telltale reddening of her cheeks made me almost quiver with want.

Bella didn't look at the slide for long. "Interphase," she said confidently—perhaps trying a little bit too hard to sound that way— and pushed the microscope to me.

We completed the task this way, speaking one word at a time. It gave me the opportunity to focus on calming myself down.

When Mr. Molina approached our table, I gratefully remembered that this was my High School biology class, even if I was actually dreaming. Bella may be sitting next to me, but all this was surely in my head, and I would wake up to my Bella, eventually.

"So, Edward," he said, looking over our answers, "didn't you think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?"

"Bella," I corrected him reflexively. "Actually, Bella identified three of the five."

I watched engrossed, as she smiled, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Well, I guess it's good you two are lab partners." Mr. Molina walked to the next table.

Bella's cheeks seemed to continually flush pink.

_Even in my dreams, she has a shyness and modesty that is completely alluring._

We sat in silence. The others in the class were having a harder time with the lab.

Bella was looking down at her folder, and the silence was killing me.

"Are you enjoying the rain?"

Bella was from a brighter, warmer place; and her skin seemed to reflect that, despite its fairness. Comparing the weather in Forks to Sydney would be a boring, yet safe topic for conversation. However, the very faint scattering of freckles across her nose immediately distracted me.

There was nothing about Bella that didn't spark my fascination. She was more than beautiful. Her face was interesting; her pouty bottom lip, the light and dark contrast of her skin and her hair, and then her eyes, brimming over with silent secrets. Secrets that I already knew...

"You're asking me about the weather?" she said, with the tiniest hint of bemusement.

"Yeah, I guess I am." I replied.

"I don't really like the rain. Any cold, _wet _thing I..."

Her face was so readable in that moment, her accent wasn't as pronounced. She shook her head minutely from side-to-side as if thinking of something unpleasant.

"So, why did you move to the wettest place in the Continental U.S.?" I prompted, when I suspected she wasn't going to complete her sentence.

"It's ...complicated."

"I think I can keep up." I insisted.

Even though I didn't expect her to tell me anything about her crush on Riley, I did want to hear her voice. It was the closest thing to comfort than actually touching her skin. I hoped common courtesy would keep her answering my questions, and I didn't care if it seemed rude or forward of me to ask them.

Bella stared down at her folder; her finger traced the looping circular design on the cover.

This made me impatient; I wanted to gently lift her chin and tilt her head up, so I could see into her beautiful, brown eyes.

"I just, needed to get over..."

She stopped herself.

I was quietly elated that she might have shared her 'secret' with me. The next words out of my mouth rushed out unintentionally.

"Get over a person?"

I waited for her answer. I couldn't tear my gaze away from her face.

"Not _exactly_..." she hedged. "Just an improbable, or rather, _impossible _situation."

Before I could respond, she looked up to me.

"I missed my dad, and I realized that I had to concentrate on my education, rather than living in a fantasy world that I have no place in."

_But you do belong, Bella. You belong with me in my public and personal life, and I don't want you to ever believe there's no place for you there. I'll never let you believe that we can't make it work._

I stared into her eyes, recognizing that even in _my_ mind, I could see how she ranked herself. Her low self-esteem was rooted in her so fully, that she just couldn't think any other way. Back then, when she was sixteen, Riley was out of her reach, and she didn't think she deserved him. And later, after he'd been in the accident and she finally thought she did have him, he lied and broke her heart.

_Bella has never seen herself clearly; even the way she views 'different worlds, different realities', and fantasy versus real life. Her view is wrong. She deserves whatever life she makes._

I smiled at her. She smiled back.

That was all it took. Her smile was all it took for me to know exactly what I was here to do. Why I was able to live this dream...

_She's mine. I'm hers. I'll experience what was supposed to happen when we were sixteen_. _I'll show her that she deserves everything. I'll help build up her self-esteem and make sure she never doubts how much I love her._

There's no _Riley _in this reality.

There's no Lauren Mallory.

No paparazzi! No fear of the media imposing on our privacy.

No miscommunication, and no other people getting in the way.

Just me; just Bella.

_I think I'm here to enjoy what it feels like to meet her, and her to know me without all the impressions she already held of me being an actor._

But even as I desired this, I realized that if I were badly hurt in hospital—or _something_ worse—my Bella would be frantic with worry. I knew my entire family would be inconsolable if something had happened to me.

_I need to wake up!_

I squeezed my left thigh as hard as I could.

Nothing happened.

I took in a deep breath.

_For as long as I get to live in this dream or whatever it is, I'm going to worship her. I'm going to be everything she needs and wants._

Bella's body was closer to me than before, having shifted unconsciously in the course of our conversation. I forced myself to stay still. It would have been so easy to touch her leg, or wrap my arm around her waist.

However confident I was _trying _to feel that I was in a dream state, I still couldn't bring myself to risk scaring her off, by doing something inappropriate. But in the same breath, the willpower I was exerting _not _to touch her was being ripped into shreds. I rode a strange jittery high, as I slowly lifted my hand.

My intention was to slowly sweep a long curling tendril of her hair over her shoulder. She was biting her bottom lip, and I could have sworn her breathing had accelerated in anticipation for what I may do.

Then the bell rang.

I automatically dropped my hand and I watched as Bella gathered her folder and her book bag.

"See you tomorrow, Bella." I said softly.

_Did she hear how my voice wrapped around her name like a caress?_

I couldn't confirm her reaction, because she nervously rushed for the door.

I didn't remember walking to Spanish class, but I suddenly found myself sitting there next to Ben. All my thoughts were of Bella, and when I could see her again.

Ben kept talking about some new guitar he'd spotted in Strait Music in Port Angeles. He was complaining that it would take him forever to save enough money to buy it.

His voice sparked that surreal déjà vu that seemed to constantly surround me...

"Angela buys it for you, for your birthday." I recalled aloud. "Her father baptized the store-owner's son. He gave her a great deal."

"Angela? Angela Weber?" Ben said slowly.

I looked to his face. He looked...stupefied.

_Fuck! They weren't together when we were sixteen!_

"Angela Weber. She _likes_ you." I explained. "I caught her writing 'Angela Cheney' on her folder in history. I meant to tell you..._earlier_. You need to ask her to the Spring dance. She'll be the best thing that has ever happened to you. So, you'll have to stop smoking pot and step up, man."

He jumped to his feet. His face then turned a sickening shade of green.

"Esta Bien, Ben?" asked Mrs Goff, startled by Ben's sudden movement.

He looked far from well.

"Me perdona," he muttered as he darted for the door.

"Edward, por favor, puedas tu ayuda Ben?" she asked, gesturing helplessly towards Ben as he rushed from the room.

"Sure," I replied as I hurried to follow him.

_I'm not changing the future...Ben and Angela will always be together. I fucking need to wake up!_

I finally caught up to Ben when he reached the far side of the school building. I placed my hand on his shoulder as he hunched forward taking in deep gasps of air.

"Sorry, Ben."

I knew he was freaking out. What I hadn't known—back when Ben and I were sixteen—was that he'd had a crush on Angela Weber since first grade.

I could have kicked myself for not remembering how he'd taken the news of her liking him back then.

"You don't have to freak out, man. Angela will instantly say 'yes' if you ask her out, and all you have to do is ask her to go to the diner after school." I said in a calm, confident voice.

He eventually caught his breath and stood up straight.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah, really." I said reassuringly, effectively hiding my inner turmoil.

~0~

That night, Alice and I referenced every medical text my dad had on his bookshelf.

_Nothing._

"Maybe, you'll just wake up tomorrow and be back to normal. Maybe you just need to rest and see what happens."

"Sure." I said to Alice. "That's a great idea. See you in the morning."

I tried to sound hopeful, but to be honest; all I could think about was seeing Bella. I walked up to my room and closed the bedroom door.

I wasn't remotely tired.

It felt like I spent the entire night looking forward to sitting next to her at school. I thought about all the places I remembered in and around Forks that I could take her.

_The diner, no, not intimate enough. La Push Beach; too crowded. The meadow with the wildflowers; too far to hike to._

I literally lay on my bed and imagined what I wanted to happen in sequential order, in the hope that I could sway the outcome of this..._dream, _or whatever it was that I was experiencing. I tried to close my eyes as if to sleep, but time was fractured, like it would be in a real dream. In my mind, the linear concept of hours and minutes didn't seem to exist.

_Just like I lose the concept of time when Bella and I are making love._

Sleep wouldn't come.

When the moment came to actually see her, it was well thought out and executed. I sat in the cafeteria at the best table, spotting her as soon as she walked into the room.

I watched as she bought a drink for her lunch and nothing else.

I was practically bouncing in my seat, eager for her to look my way. When she did, I motioned with my finger for her to join me. She looked so startled by this that I couldn't help but wink suggestively at her.

Her mouth fell open, and she waited a few seconds before walking slowly to my table, her head dipped down shyly.

She stopped behind the chair across from me, hesitating. I inhaled deeply through my nose.

"Would you like to sit with me?" I asked. I couldn't believe I actually sounded quite nonchalant, even though I was anything but.

She pulled the chair out and sat, staring at me the whole time. She seemed nervous, but the way she looked at me, boosted my confidence even more.

"This is…_nice_?" she said slowly.

"Well..." I hesitated, thinking of what to say.

This version of Bella hadn't had her heart stomped on by Riley. Sure, he'd been in her life; she'd seen him every day. But as far as I knew—from what she'd told me—she had adored him from afar because he had a girlfriend. Apart from that kiss at a teenage party, he'd pretty much ignored Bella at school.

_He is the reason she has such low self-esteem._

I wouldn't be that guy. There was no way I _could_ ignore her.

_Keep it honest. Keep it light,_ I mentally chanted.

"Now that you're here...in Forks," I added, "I may not let you go back."

_What made me say that! _I supposed it was honest. At least it's something I would have thought at age sixteen.

Bella looked really confused and I realized my words kind of sounded possessive and controlling.

_I really shouldn't have said that._

She stared at me, waiting, as if she expected me to elaborate.

"Oh..." she said and bit her bottom lip, when I didn't continue.

Bella swallowed loudly, then opened her Diet Coke and took a quick sip, her eyes on the table.

"Aren't you hungry?" I asked.

"No," she eyed the empty table between us. "You?"

"No. I'm not hungry," I said.

_I never feel hungry when I'm technically asleep or unconscious… _I thought to myself with a wry smile. _This must be a dream!_

I was suddenly eager to be alone with her, so I just blurted out the words.

"Let's not go to biology. It's healthy to ditch now and then. What do you say?"

"I don't...think that's a good idea," she said cautiously.

_Fuck, I'm coming on too strong. I don't want to risk her shutting me down._

I suppose going to class would have to do. At least she'd be sitting right next to me. Right now, this table separating us was too wide.

As if by coincidence—or rather as I _wished_—the bell rang.

_This _is _my dream..._

"Shall we walk to class, then?" I suggested, knowing she could hardly say 'no'.

"Um, yes." she replied shyly.

We walked side-by-side, close, but not actually touching, and yet, just having her there made me feel so euphoric.

As we neared the lab, I caught sight of Eric Yorkie. I came to the sudden realization, that he would be Bella's stepbrother one day, well, in my waking life...

"Hey, Eric," I said casually.

"Uh, hey," he replied. I could see the confusion on his face. We hadn't really communicated at school, except when we'd worked on the Yearbook together.

"Have you met Bella Swan?" I asked him.

"Oh, no. Hi Bella?"

"Hi," she said.

"Eric is the eyes and ears of this place." I said as we walked into biology.

"Yeah," he stated. "Maybe I could do a feature on you for the school paper? Front page?" he asked Bella.

Her face was priceless.

"Uh, you, no please..._don't_..."

Eric smiled. "OK, no feature," he laughed and walked to his table.

Mr. Molina entered the room as we sat down, calling the class to order. He was juggling a few small cardboard boxes.

He placed them on June Richardson's table, asking her to pass them around the class.

"OK guys, I want you to take one piece from each box," he said as he produced a pair of rubber gloves from the pocket of his lab coat. "The first should be an indicator card," he went on, "the second is a four pronged applicator and the third is a sterile micro lancet. I'll be coming around with a dropper to prepare your cards, so please don't start until I get to you. I want you to carefully prick your finger with the lancet," he took June's hand and jabbed the lancet into her middle finger and helped her to demonstrate. "Put a small drop of blood on each of the prongs," he said as he squeezed June's finger until blood flowed. "And then apply it to the card", he finished, holding up the card for us to see.

"The Red Cross are having a blood drive in Port Angeles next weekend, so I thought you should all know your blood type. As you're under eighteen you'll need your parent's permission. I have slips on my desk."

Bella had laid her cheek on the cool black tabletop.

"Bella, are you alright?" I asked softly, just as Mr. Molina reached our table.

"Are you feeling faint?" he questioned.

"Yes, Sir," she muttered.

"Edward, can you take Bella to the nurse, please?"

"Of course," I said immediately.

"Can you walk?" Mr. Molina asked her.

"Yes," she whispered.

I stood and took Bella's bag from the floor to put over my shoulder.

And then I had my arm around Bella's waist as she stood slowly, her face deathly pale. I helped to drape her arm over my other shoulder. She leaned against me heavily as we stepped cautiously out of the classroom.

I was buzzing from the feel of her body touching mine and tried so hard not to smile like a lunatic.

We walked slowly across campus. When we stepped around the side of the cafeteria, Bella stopped walking.

I absorbed the heat of our close proximity and the way her body seemed to align with mine perfectly.

"Just let me sit for a minute, please?" she begged and I helped her to sit on the cement.

I felt so helpless. She didn't sit for long instead she lay sideways on the damp sidewalk, with her eyes closed tightly.

"Bella, can you hear me?"

"No," she groaned.

I laughed then. I knew that she'd be fine, I just needed to get her to the nurse and off this cold wet ground.

Thrilled, I gently lifted Bella from the sidewalk, and held her in my arms, eliminating all distance between our bodies. I was striding forward in the same movement, in a hurry to have her out of the rain.

Her eyes opened, astonished. She instinctively wrapped her arms around my neck.

"You can put me down," she ordered in a weak voice.

"You faint at the sight of blood?" I asked and grinned at her. I watched as she closed her eyes. "And not even your own blood," I added.

I inhaled deeply when she rested her head against my shoulder.

_Bella, I love you, so much._

We reached the front office. I pushed the door open with my foot and strode in.

Mrs. Hammond, the nurse, was standing at the front desk reading a novel.

"Oh my," she gasped when she looked up and saw how ashen Bella's face was.

"She fainted in biology," I explained.

Mrs. Hammond hurried to open the door to her office. Bella's eyes were open again, as I carefully laid her on the cot that was covered in a crackly beige paper. I savored the feel of her fingers as they glided from around my neck.

As soon as Bella was out of my arms I stepped back to the far corner of the room. My body was screaming for her touch. I was too eager, my muscles tense and adrenaline pumping through my veins; that all too brief feel of her in my arms was not nearly enough.

"What made her faint?" Mrs. Hammond asked.

"We were blood typing," I replied.

She nodded. "There's always one!"

I stifled a laugh.

"Just lie down for a minute, honey. It'll pass." Mrs. Hammond said.

"I know," whispered Bella, her eyes roaming my face and body, like she was in complete awe.

"Does this happen often?" the nurse asked.

"_Never_," she breathed out heavily and stared at my face.

I tried to disguise my laughter as coughing.

This brought me to Mrs. Hammond's attention. "You can go back to class now," she said.

I looked her straight in the eye and lied with perfect confidence; I was an actor after all.

"I'm supposed to stay with her."

She furrowed her brow but then turned back to Bella. "I'll go get you some ice for your forehead, dear. Just lay still and take deep breath," she said before she left the room.

Bella was looking at me...I was sure I'd completely dazzled her. I could literally see the red heat of her blush recolor her pale face that delicious crimson.

"You were right," she said softly, letting her eyes close.

"I usually am, but what was I right about?" I asked.

"Ditching is healthy," she sighed and then took in slow calming breaths.

She was silent then. I simply gazed at her face, admiring every detail. She really did look like she was only sixteen. Her lower lip was just a little fuller than her top lip. Staring at her mouth flashed me back to all the times we'd kissed. I could recall the taste of her, the softness and warmth.

Mrs. Hammond came back into the room with a cold compress.

"Here you go dear," she said as she laid it across Bella's forehead. "You're looking better.

"I think I'm fine." Bella said and sat up slowly. She removed the compress from her face.

Just then I heard some commotion and looked through the open door to the front desk.

Lee Stevens stumbled through into the office looking pale but annoyed. He held his hand near his face, blood trickling down his wrist.

"Get out to the office, Bella." I stressed with urgency.

She stared at me in bewilderment.

"Trust me, go!" I said.

Bella covered her mouth and nose with her hand as she whirled passed Lee, as he stumbled in to the room to show Mrs. Hammond.

I followed a few inches behind Bella. When we were back in the front office, she turned to look at me wide-eyed and with her nose wrinkled in disgust.

"Thank you," she said.

I smiled and stepped closer to her. Instinctively I raised my hand and brushed my fingers over her hot cheek, then across her cool forehead.

So much love coursed through my body when I touched her.

"I don't think I can go back to class. I'm still feeling a little...faint." she whispered.

I leaned closer to her; too close. My face only inches from hers, I could feel the warmth of her skin radiating to mine.

"I can take care of that," I murmured. "Go sit down and look pale."

I moved away from her slowly.

She did as I asked. I watched as she sat on one of the chairs against the wall and rested her head back. She closed her eyes and took in long deep breaths.

I turned towards the secretary behind the counter.

"Bella has gym next hour, and I don't think she feels well enough. I think I should take her home. Do you think you could excuse her from classes?"

The secretary swallowed loudly before answering. "Do you need to be excused too, Edward?"

"No, I have Mrs. Goff; she won't mind."

"Okay," she said cheerily. "It's all taken care of. You go home and rest, Bella."

Bella nodded weakly.

"Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" I asked.

"I'll walk," she said, stifling a laugh, as she stood slowly, hesitating for a moment to regain her balance. I held the door open for her and we stepped outside and walked to the edge of the parking lot.

I watched as she lifted her face to the light rain, mesmerized as the drops landed on her eyelashes. She smiled as she breathed-in the fresh air.

"Thanks. It's worth getting sick to miss gym."

"Anytime," I said, but my voice betrayed me; my tone infused with desire and longing.

She opened her eyes and looked at me, simultaneously biting at her bottom lip.

"Umm, thank you for carrying my bag," she said and I realized it was still over my shoulder.

I handed it to her, and then she started to walk away from me.

Without thinking, I reached out and caught her by the back of her jacket. She jerked to a stop.

"Where are you going?" I said, incredulous that she was leaving me.

I hadn't had enough time with her. She couldn't go yet.

"I'm going home," she said, baffled as to why this should upset me.

"Didn't you hear me promise to take you home safely? I'm not going to let you drive in your condition."

"What condition?" she demanded. "I'm OK now and my truck..."

"I'll have my sister Alice drop it off after school." I said and gently pulled her back to me. We were standing too close again. Intimately close. The rain was getting heavier.

I motioned to my Volvo. "It's open."

She hesitated for a few seconds. I waited until she opened the door and got in, before practically running to get in the drivers seat; my key at the ready.

_I get to drive her home!_

I looked to her before I started the car. The rain had soaked through her thick hair, darkening it to near black.

As I reversed out of the lot, I tried to get control of myself.

"Clair de Lune?" she enquired about the soft music from the car's stereo system.

"You like Debussy?" I asked.

"Not really, but I like this one."

I could feel the smile spread across my face. I could recall with perfect clarity that this song was playing in the background, just a few nights ago, when I undressed Bella and made love to her for the first time...

I internally groaned. The memory of actually having sex with Bella seemed to dominate all my thoughts.

_Like I really am sixteen._

We drove in silence.

I clutched the steering wheel tighter. The rain made her smell better. I wouldn't have thought it possible. Stupidly, I was suddenly recalling the cabin, the lake, how her lips tasted, how her wet body had felt, rubbing up against mine when we had been in the water.

_I need to think of something else!_

"What's your mother like?" I asked as a distraction. I concentrated on the wet road.

"She looks a lot like me, but she's more adventurous. She's more outgoing than I am, and braver."

"So, your mother is remarried?"

She hesitated a minute before answering. "Yes. My mother...she's _young_ for her age. I think Phil makes her feel even younger. At any rate, she's crazy about him. I've known him since I was a toddler. He's a great guy."

"So you approve?"

"I want mom to be happy...and she loves him; he makes her so happy."

"I wonder."

"What?"

"Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice was?"

It was a foolish question, and I couldn't keep my voice casual while I asked it. From what Bella had told me, her mother hadn't approved of Bella's crush on Riley...

_Would she approve of me?_

"I-I think so," she stuttered. "But she's the parent, so it's a little bit different," she stated.

"No one too... _scary_ then."

"What do you mean by scary? Multiple facial piercings and extensive tattoos?" she giggled.

"That's one definition, I suppose." I replied.

"What's your definition?" she asked me.

"Do you think that _I _could be?" I asked her, trying to hide my smile.

She thought it through before answering me in a serious voice. "Hmm...um, I think you _could _be, if you wanted to."

_I could be... I could be hers_. I knew this is not what she was implying, but I took it that way.

I absorbed the feeling of elation.

"So, can you tell me about your family? It's got to be a much more interesting story than mine. You have a sister?"

"Yes. Alice is my twin sister. I can introduce her tomorrow. She's desperate to meet you."

I stopped my car in front of her driveway.

She didn't move to get out of the parked car. She didn't want our time to be up either. I liked that very, very much.

"I guess you have to go," she said.

_No, I don't, but I better..._

"You probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so you don't have to tell him about the Biology incident." I grinned at the memory of carrying her to the office in my arms.

"I'm sure he's already heard. There seems to be no secrets in Forks."

I held my hand out for her key. "The key to your truck?"

"Oh, here," she said and quickly rummaged in her bag for it.

She handed it to me, our hands touching.

The buzz of electricity zapped through me. I inhaled sharply.

The reality of being here in Forks with a sixteen-year-old Bella, felt surreal in that moment.

I smiled ruefully at her, hoping she couldn't see the sadness in my eyes. How much I wished that this were all real. But at the same time, I pined for my Bella and what we had experienced together in Vancouver.

_But I don't know how to get back to her or even if I can…_

~0~

After Alice and I returned with Bella's truck and drove back home, I was reflective.

I knew time was distorted here, but everything else felt like it was really happening.

_I feel like I'm in limbo._

Alice said 'Goodnight' and left me to ponder some more.

_If I'm already asleep, I don't need to sleep._

I looked at the clock on the wall. In this 'dream' it was 10:17pm.

_I need to see her._

Bella was all I could think about, so driving back to Chief Swan's house didn't feel weird. I assumed Bella's bedroom was the one upstairs at the front of the house.

I sat in my parked car, contemplating for only a few minutes. Her bedroom light was on. The desire to see her was too overwhelming.

_Fuck it! It's my dream, and I need to be with her. I need to touch her skin._

I got out of the car and put the key in my coat pocket. Before I knew what I was doing, I had managed to scale up the trellis under her bedroom window.

I looked in, like a creepy stalker, but with no shame. She was lying on her bed, talking on her cell. She was just wearing a t-shirt and panties. I could feel my heart rate spike and the muscles in my arms felt tight from supporting my bodyweight as I held onto the trellis.

"Forks is growing on me." She said. "Well, yeah…"

I slipped my hand under and lifted the window easily.

Her eyes went wide when she spotted me, and she hastily sat up.

"Mom…can I _talk to you later_!" she said quickly and threw her cell on the unmade bed.

Then Bella was standing in front of me. I got a fantastic view of her perfect legs, and watched in awe when I spied a flash of the soft, milky skin of her stomach as she helped me to lift the window higher.

"Hi," I said. I couldn't help but grin like a fool at her, as I pulled myself through the small opening awkwardly.

She shook her head from side to side in disbelief. "What are you...?" she asked.

I could see her cheeks flush that delicious crimson color that I'd grown to adore.

_This is all in my mind. She seems so real._

"_Bella_," was all I could say.

I thought back to her easy acceptance of our forced intimacy at school. How her body felt in my arms as I carried her, and her obvious physical acceptance of my touch. The way the buzz of electricity zapped through my skin when she touched my hand

I wanted more.

I needed so much more than just to hold her.

Her brow furrowed and she bit her lip before she walked back to her bed and sat down, staring up at me. She had questions that she wasn't voicing.

I sat next to her, on her bed, picked up her cell and placed it on her nightstand.

_This is my dream. I _need _to touch and kiss her._

"I decided, as long as I'm going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." I said slowly.

She stared at my face, almost dazed. Her questioning eyes seemed to widen and then her gaze flicked briefly to my lips.

_I want it too._

"Bella, I just want to try one thing. Just stay very still." I said, as I stared at her mouth.

"Don't move."

I could feel her warm breath on my face as I moved slowly in to kiss her. I closed my eyes, almost certain that she would disappear, that I would wake up without the feel of her lips on mine. I drank in the sound of her breathing, the faint sound of crickets outside, and tried to take everything slowly, absorb everything that I was feeling, and memorize every second.

As soon as my lips touched hers, I felt whole. Complete.

I smiled.

_She hasn't disappeared. _

I kissed her again, desperate and elated at the feel of her familiar lips and how they felt so right.

Bella pushed her body closer to me. She lifted herself up on her knees and her hands glided into my hair as she pressed her wet lips to mine again; her fingers tugging gently and pulling my head towards her in desperation.

I was blissfully conscious that the whole situation was way too ephemeral. Yet, I didn't care if this was or wasn't a dream, because she tasted and felt like everything I've ever wanted.

The kiss got more passionate; my need to _be _with her started to overwhelm me. Before I was conscious of the fact, I grabbed her waist and roughly guided her to recline on her bed. I hovered over her, in desperate need to make love to her. Instead I forced myself to channel all my passion and desire into the kiss. I could wake at any moment, I could be back with my Bella any second, but this, _this _memory of what it would have been like with me and Bella at age sixteen, I hoped would never fade my consciousness, _ever_.

"Edward," she moaned as my lips traveled down to caress her neck. "My Dad is right outside," she whispered.

"Bella, I need you."

My cool hand slid under her t-shirt, halting just below her breast.

I was completely conflicted at that moment. How far could I go? The fact that she felt and even tasted so real to me should have been enough.

Totally implausible plot lines from movies started swirling in my brain as I kissed her passionately...

_Back to the Future, Groundhog Day, The Butterfly Effect._

"I gotta stop!" I breathed out heavily and tried to pull away from her.

I had no idea how I actually achieved it, but I found myself off the bed and standing in front of the window.

Bella was breathing heavily; her lips an enticing shade of pink.

"I'm sorry!" she called out to me in a whisper, as if _her _actions were inexcusable.

I stood for a long time, just staring at her but not speaking. The sound of cutlery scraping plates could be heard coming from downstairs.

"Hey, don't go!" she pleaded.

Bella looked just as conflicted as I felt.

The rational side of my brain was telling me that if this were real—if I had just met her yesterday and we were sixteen—I wouldn't have taken the risk of getting caught by climbing through her window and practically mauling her on her bed. Especially knowing that the Chief of Police was just downstairs.

"I don't want you to go." she said, sadly.

_She's all I need. _

I needed to hold her in my arms, speak words of love and commitment without the act of sex dominating.

_Bella surely knows already how attractive she is to me, and I can feel the attraction she feels in return. _

I can support her without the need to constantly take from her; her caresses, her kisses, her warmth and love.

I found myself recalling the dream of the mountain lion; hungry, feral, ready to descend. To some extent, that was me, and then the paparazzi in the dream, well, that was probably my subconscious telling me that Bella will need to stand on her own two feet. I can't protect her all the time. My father's words in the dream— _'She'll be OK, Edward. She'll survive,'_— resonated with me now.

_I can't change the past, but maybe I can steer the future for Bella and me. _

She may have to deal with the reality of my life in the public eye—leeches, fans, the media—but we'll have each other.

_Did I need to dream this to work it all out?_

I walked slowly back to the bed, simultaneously I kicked off my shoes.

She reached out for me; a relieved look covered her face. Her touch instantly reignited my desire, but I was able to rein it in. I simply lay next to her, and she snuggled into my side. I pulled the bed sheet up over her.

Bella's eyes looked heavy. She pressed her face into my chest and inhaled deeply.

"I know it seems quick, but I'm already in love with you, Bella. I just want to be with you." I stated.

"I feel the same," she whispered. "I just... feel like you're going to disappear, that this isn't real."

I tightened my arms around her and kissed the top of her sweet smelling hair. I had the same doubts. My chest hurt, because if I was going to die, if I couldn't wake up...

I couldn't even try to contemplate.

"You can sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." I said.

Bella sighed and her hand gripped on tightly to my lapel of my coat.

I could tell when she'd fallen asleep; her tight hold on me relaxed and her breathing became a constant relaxing rhythm in my head. I didn't panic when I heard Chief Swan ascend the stairs and use the bathroom before his bedroom door closed. I assumed he wouldn't enter her bedroom unannounced.

I thought about how simple life was as a teenager, and yet how many of the obstacles and hardships we internalized back then were..._trivial_.

Ben's reaction upon hearing Angela liked him was just one example and yet held a massive importance to him. This Bella in my arms had left her mother, her home, and a boy she had a crush on, to live here, in this rainy American town and attend a school where she didn't know anyone. I couldn't help but think that this scenario had been our destiny. Alice's words haunted me: _'I feel like you're going to meet her very soon...'_

I could feel how right this was, being in Forks, with Bella. I'd never felt so content, and relieved that she lay here in my arms.

"Please, Edward. I need you. Come back to me."

I pulled her closer and looked to her face. I was certain she was asleep.

"Your parents on their way here. I want to be introduced to them, _officially_. But I want _you _to be the one to do it..."

_"Please_, Edward…come back to me. _Please_..."

Bella's lips weren't moving.

I closed my eyes. The phantom pressure against my leg was more pronounced, and I swear I could feel Bella's warm breath and sweet lips kissing my mouth.

_I need to wake up._

Yet, I also wanted to stay here, being sixteen, with Bella Swan as my girlfriend.

_I'd take her to prom. I'd be the first man to make love to her._

I wouldn't become an actor. I would immerse myself in my music. I'd go to College, with Bella always by my side.

I could imagine all of it. I could visualize it happening; getting married after we graduated, buying a house, visiting her family in Australia.

_I could still have that._

I fell in love with the Bella Swan I met in the Purple Bar; the shy Australian girl that handed me a page of song lyrics and fled.

_She's who I want._

All the events of the last five weeks had been necessary for both of us.

"We can't be apart," I heard her whisper.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered back.

Panic started to spread through my body. I didn't know how to wake myself up.

As I looked around Bella's bedroom I realized that this was all in my head, yet pinching myself hadn't done a thing.

_I know I can do this!_

I closed my eyes and concentrated on the pain in my leg. As I did, I could feel my limbs become heavier. There were swirling dots behind my eyelids. I felt a rush of calm overtake me, and it felt like I was weightless. The warmth of Bella's body lying in my arms suddenly disappeared.

I tried to open my eyes, but all I could see was a swirling black fog, spiraling down, and down, until I felt dizzy and nauseous. I heard an incessant beeping.

I could hear my heartbeat echoing back to me as if amplified by an electronic device.

~0~

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. I'm sure you'll tell me if that chapter **_**was**_** or **_**was not **_**worth the ridiculously long wait. Either way, the fact you did read, is motivation for me to get the next chapter posted in a timely manner.**

**I would like to thank mpg (for her editing skills and valued suggestions), Cared, twicrazreader, mountanlion718, DutchGirl01, emmzac, keyecullen, Hockey_Chick10 and MizzezPattinson for varying reasons, not least of which keep me connected to the fandom via my 'can't live without' iPhone—and some of these ladies also **_**distract **_**me from writing by playing word and song games ad nauseam, or send me lovely messages of encouragement ((((virtual hugs for all of you))))**


	50. Serenade

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Don't faint guys, another update! That's only four weeks in between updates! I shock even myself! If you didn't get around to reading Chapter 49, you may want to read that one first. Enjoy xx**

A reminder of the song Edward sang to Bella at the cabin — cut and paste this into a new browser: **tumblr. com (/) xdm1flr8qq** — _then_ _remove brackets and spaces..._

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

I sat next to Edward's hospital bed and held his hand.

The few short hours that I'd been sitting by his side, felt like an eternity. I couldn't stop staring at him. I was waiting for a sign—a flutter of his eyelids, a lick of his lips—_anything_ to indicate he was going to wake up soon.

Edward's face was so relaxed in repose. His beauty was overwhelming; perfect skin, almost translucent—the subtle hint of regrowth appearing—his long, dark eyelashes, his unruly eyebrows. I studied every freckle, every small scar. I counted the creases in his red lips.

_I need you to open your eyes!_

My heart hurt, and my throat hurt from trying to hold back the urge to cry uncontrollably. I also registered an uncomfortable ache in my lower spine.

That's when the feeling hit me.

I knew. I knew that my _weak_, depressed and hysterical urge to cry and fall apart was more than just being upset that Edward had been hurt and was unconscious.

I didn't need to confirm it, but I stood and reluctantly let go of Edward's cool, pale hand before I walked into the bathroom and locked the door.

The streak of bright red on my pantyliner was no surprise.

I tried to determine if I was I relieved or disappointed?

Relieved to know that my melodramatic reaction to hearing Edward was hurt and being here in the hospital had been exacerbated by my monthly condition, and maybe I hadn't permanently reverted back to that pathetic and insecure girl that I thought I'd exorcised.

I was simultaneously disappointed, because I hadn't retained any strength throughout this ordeal; I'd been too caught up in myself.

_This isn't about me. I need to be here for Edward._

I hated that I'd met Alice Cullen and inadvertently shown her that I could be a complete basket case.

_She must think Edward is a fool to want to be with me!_

I couldn't remember if I'd brought my bag and I definitely didn't have my phone. I didn't know if Angela was still here, or if she'd left. I was in a hazy fog of sorrow that seemed in complete contrast to the elation and euphoria I'd felt this morning when Edward had made love to me.

_Stupid period hormones!_

I washed my hands and looked at my puffy, red eyes in the mirror.

_This is not how he will see me when he wakes up!_

I splashed my face with water, blotted my cheeks, took in deep calming breaths and rolled my shoulders and stretched to my full height.

_Go to him, be there for him. He's the only purpose in my life, right now. My only focus will be to help him recover. Don't be a coward!_

When I walked out of the bathroom, Alice was back and talking to a different doctor. He stood with Edward's chart in hand, smiling.

I didn't react when Alice introduced me as Edward's fiancée.

_So that's how she convinced the staff to let me be in here?_

"Isn't that great, Bella?"

I looked up. "Pardon, Alice?"

Alice grinned. "Doctor Gerandy says Edward's test results were all clear. He has a linear skull fracture, but there's no internal damage. He'll be monitored as standard practice, but he's going to be fine!"

I looked back at Edward and wished Alice's words to _be_ true.

"Well, young lady, tell your father to come up to my office when he arrives," the Doctor said to Alice.

"Thanks, I will," replied Alice.

I heard the door click closed.

"He's really going to be OK?" I asked as I resumed my seat next to Edward's bed and took his hand in mine.

"Yes! He'll wake up soon."

I was awash with relief. I let myself feel a brief sliver of happiness at her words, before I pulled it all back.

_I need to focus. I need to be strong and apologize for being so upset and distraught!_

I looked purposefully at Edward's sister and tried to keep my voice steady as I spoke. "I'm sorry I reacted so badly when I arrived, Alice. I'm really sorry if I was rude or—"

"Bella, you reacted the way anyone would if their soul mate was injured. I would have been frantic if something happened to Jasper."

"Edward told you that I was his soul mate." I stated.

My mind flashed back to the cabin and his declaration that we were soul mates, _twin-souls_. I could feel my heart start to beat faster, as I took in Alice's happy facial expression.

I knew he'd told me his family about me, but I also remembered all the times Edward ignored Alice's calls. I was suddenly curious to know what else Edward had told his family about me.

"Yes, of course he did! That's why I came to Vancouver! I just had to meet you, _finally_."

"You were already here when Edward..._fell_?" I asked.

Alice grinned at my confused expression.

"I arrived this morning from L.A. Emmett collected me from the airport. That's why I was at the movie set when it happened. To be honest, I think being there probably pissed Rosalie off in the first place, so I feel kind of responsible."

"What does Rosalie have to do with this?" I asked. Her words sparked a recollection of Emmett mentioning Rosalie when he called to tell me what happened. I could feel more anxiety trying to unnerve me, but I was determined to be clear-headed and strong.

I gently squeezed Edward's hand and I focused on the pulsing zap that tingled up my arm.

"_Rosalie_ was being a selfish, attention-seeking, brat! She caused the accident. Edward was connected to the same safety equipment. If she hadn't been so childish, none of this would have happened!"

"Was she hurt?" I asked.

"No, but she's here somewhere." Alice rolled her eyes to the ceiling.

"Did Edward know you were coming today? He didn't say anything to me about it."

Alice smiled. "Edward hasn't told you many things. But you know what? He should have."

I stared at her, and suddenly words that Edward had spoken to me last night came back:

'_Everything will make sense to you, tomorrow. All of this, everything will be explained.'_

_He said everything would be explained? Did he mean because he knew I'd meet Alice today?_

My determination to be strong was now being tested. It seemed I didn't have the mental capacity to try and figure out what Alice was trying to tell me, and I didn't want to.

"Alice, you need to tell me. I'm in love with Edward. We've made promises to each other. I plan to be in his life. I can't imagine being apart from him, _ever_. If you have something to say, please just say it. I can't read minds, and I just need... _to know_..."

Alice moved one of the vinyl covered chairs closer to mine and sat down.

"When I was fourteen, I dreamt of my soul mate; his face, his voice. It was kind of weird, like a surreal vision of the future, with impressions and light and like, the most _amazing _feeling of love. I didn't actually meet him until I was nineteen, but I knew it was him _instantly_. It was Jasper."

I smiled at her. Her face was serene as she spoke about Jasper. But I wasn't sure why she was telling me this story.

"Edward and I have always been connected emotionally. Even though it's not reciprocal, I get the impression of every emotion Edward feels."

I nodded. I recalled Edward telling me about his sister and their _'special bond_'. That kind of explained why she seemed so sure that he would wake up, eventually.

"Bella, when I was sixteen, I dreamt of _Edward's_ soul mate. It's _you_, completely you, every detail...well actually, as much detail as the dream revealed; your eye color, your accent. I have to ask you this; do you feel a kind of static electricity whenever you touch Edward? Almost like an electrical shock that is anything but painful?"

I couldn't comprehend what she was saying; I simply continued to stare at her.

_There's no way she could know about that._

"Don't be freaked out. I can't explain it properly. I get the same feeling whenever Jasper touches me. We've been together four years and it doesn't go away."

I closed my eyes and thought about my _'episode' _when I wrote the lyrics. I recalled the zapping shock of feeling Edward's skin for the first time when I introduced myself, and spewed-forth rambling word-vomit before I gave him the words, printed on the page. I recalled our intimacy the B&B. Even now, just holding his hand, I feel the connection to him.

"Why didn't he tell me?"

"Only he can answer that, Bella."

I looked to his face and I tried to understand why he wouldn't have told me...but then again, I thought about how emotionally fragile I'd been after the misunderstanding caused by Rosalie barging into his hotel suite...

_Would I have listened?_ _Would I have been in a proper mental state to believe something so unbelievable?_

_Probably not._

"So, Edward told you and the rest of your family that I was…"

"Yes. He was planning on taking you to L.A. this weekend to meet us all, but then something happened yesterday. He was, completely _devastated_ about something. He felt a loss so overwhelming, I could barely stand it! I booked my flight right away, but then you guys must have sorted it out because then everything last night was wonderful and he felt even more determined and blissfully happy."

I thought back to Edward's face when he saw the bags in my room and the unmade bed...

"You felt that?" I asked, although I knew the answer.

Alice took my free hand in hers.

"He loves you, he will love you forever, and I know you love him. There will be no other man that will ever mean as much to you as my brother." Alice looked towards Edward. "Even now, he's _so_ happy. He's dreaming about you."

I looked to Edward's face; some color had reappeared on his cheeks.

"You can tell he's dreaming?"

"He's feeling the same happiness and love that he feels when he's alone with you. Yes, he's totally dreaming of you. I'd bet my Porsche on that fact!" she laughed.

I sat in quiet contemplation. Everything started to fall into place.

Now, Edward's friendship—in the beginning when we met in the Purple Bar—made sense. Sure, he wanted the lyrics, but he also knew I was Australian and that I _had _planned to go and live with my Dad in Forks when I was sixteen! He must have suspected that I could have been the girl from Alice's dream!

_Was he thinking that I could be his soul mate as soon as we met? Was the electric feeling when we touched his proof?_

My mind was running wild. Every gesture, every conversation, the way he spoke, his soft casual touches and his eagerness to spend almost every night in the bar just talking to me, just getting to know me.

It wasn't just _my _desire to be close to the gorgeous Hollywood actor. It wasn't just his excitement that I'd written the perfect lyrics to his composition.

It seemed as clear as glass to me now.

I could feel myself energizing with this realization.

"Alice, is Angela still here? Do you know if she has my bag and my phone?"

"She's right outside. I'll go ask her."

I heard the soft click as the door closed, and then almost immediately Alice came back into the room holding my bag.

"Angela said your phone screen is smashed, but it should still work. My Mom and Dad's flight will land in an hour."

I held my bag to my chest, as I thought about meeting Edward's parents. It still made me feel anxious. This is not how I imagined meeting them, in a hospital room with Edward still unconscious.

I watched Alice as she scrolled through her phone.

"This is really, _really_ bad!" she said. "My Twitter timeline and mentions are... oh my God, Edward's death is a trending topic _worldwide_!" she gasped, and looked completely horrified. "Why would they believe that?"

Alice eyes were wide and she placed her hand against her chest as if she was in pain.

"Alice, no one has told the fans outside that Edward's going to be OK! When I arrived they were already lighting candles and crying as if he..."

"This is just completely unacceptable! The Studio's P.R. people have instructed no one be told of his condition until they can officially release a statement, but fuck them! Because they haven't made a statement, people have assumed the worst!"

Then all I could feel was mounting anger.

"Is Edward's lawyer aware of that?" I asked.

I knew Edward would not want his fans to suffer any amount of uncertainty when it came to his condition. I didn't want them to suffer it either. I was appalled and incredulous. There was no doubt in my mind that the delay was simply to get even more media attention and turn this unfortunate accident into a global headline to sell more magazines and papers, and even draw attention to the film.

_Why don't they possess any morals? What happened to fact checking? I just don't understand!_

When I thought of the anguish I had endured over the last few hours I was horrified that any of the girls outside were still suffering through that!

Edward was their Idol. They loved and worshipped him. And it wasn't just the girls outside; he had millions of fans across the globe! How could they bear not knowing how he was, or thinking he was actually dead?

"Bella, I'm technically Edward's next of kin. Why don't you write a statement? I can run it by Harold, Edward's lawyer, before we release it. You're right, we can't let his fans think that he's...that's completely cruel and unnecessary. What do you think?"

_I can do this. I can help this way, with words._

"Thank you for letting me do this, Alice. Let me find some paper and then, you need to tell me everything that happened from the moment you saw Edward this morning."

~0~

The statement was written.

Harold Greene had given it the all-clear after he told Alice to delete one paragraph, explaining that the terms of Edward's studio contract were very straightforward; as long as the statement was only about his physical condition and didn't mention anything about the film, the set or the 'incident' itself, the family were free to make a statement on Edward's behalf, without clearing it through the movie studio.

"What happens now?" I asked her.

"Well..." she said with a cheeky smile. "That's really up to you. I think you should be the one to do it."

I stared at Alice as what she was saying sank in.

"You want me to go out there in front of his fans and the television cameras and read this statement?" I asked, my heart started to pound and I felt sweat heat my skin.

"Bella, Harold also told me that Edward's contract has a clause that states he's not allowed to discuss his romantic relationships."

I nodded; Edward had explained this to me at the cabin.

"He also said there was no implication if, say his _actual_ girlfriend made reference to the relationship."

I could feel my face blush. I'd only met Harold once—in Edward's trailer when we signed the copyright documents for Episode.

_Was it so obvious to him that Edward and I were in love, or did Edward tell him that I was his girlfriend?_

"Bella, Edward's life is..._public_ and complicated. You'll need to be a part of it to some extent. I know Edward; he'll try his damndest to shield you from prying eyes. He'll pretend there's nothing going on between you both to _protect _you, and also ensure he's not breaking the terms of his contract. He'll be completely conflicted the whole time because all he'll _really _want to do is shout it out to the World that he's in love with you! Believe me."

"Alice, I can't..."

"This is the best way. Face them Bella. Stand out there and let them see you on your terms. Take them by surprise. I know Edward wants to live in this little bubble where in his mind the press won't ever hound you. We both know the real world doesn't work that way. You'll be spotted eventually and then they'll make up stories and speculate. The more you try to hide, the worse it will be."

The thought horrified me, but Alice's words hit home.

_Open and honest...that's what I want with Edward! I want the chance to be open and honest about how I feel for him, how much I love him. I don't want to hide my love for him; I want to openly celebrate it!_

I knew Edward wanted to protect me, yet, I was still irrationally anxious about being 'hidden away'.

"If you go out there and state you are Edward's girlfriend, you effectively squash all the rumors of Rosalie Hale _and _Bree Tanner. If _they_ can use the paparazzi to make people believe lies, you can stand there with the truth. Edward won't be able to discuss your relationship or confirm it officially, but I'll stand with you, Bella."

Now all my mental assurances that I would stay strong seemed to explode out of my skin in a hot flush.

"OK," I said determinedly. "I'll do it...I just, I look frazzled. I don't have any makeup, my hair's a mess, and my eyes are puffy from crying..."

Alice smiled. "Minor details. I'll go and ask the hospital staff to alert the press that a statement will be made by Bella Swan on behalf of the Cullen family, and then I'll come back and make you presentable for your first global television appearance!"

Alice bounded out of the room with obvious determination.

_I can't believe I'm really going to do this!_

I looked at the statement that I'd handwritten. I re-read it. I knew I had no choice. His fans needed to know that he would be fine.

I took my phone out of my bag. The screen was shattered from when I dropped it on the marble floor in the foyer of the hotel. Then I saw I still had Kate's car key.

I instantly called her.

"Meyer B&B," she said. I could hear sadness and despair in her voice.

"Kate, it's me."

"Oh God Bella. Are you at the hospital? Is it true? Is Edward...?" she sniffled.

"He's still unconscious, but they say he's going to be fine. _He's going to be fine_..." I chanted it, as I stared at his closed eyelids.

"Oh thank God! I was so worried. They're reporting simply unbelievable things! Can I do anything, do you _need_ anything?"

I took in a deep breath, determined to not let the tears that were welling in my eyes fall.

"Edward's parents are on their way here from L.A. They may need somewhere to stay. Do you have any vacancies for a few days?"

"Yes, absolutely."

"Thank you so much. I'm so sorry, but your car is still at the hotel. Mike moved it into the parking garage for me. I have your keys. I'm so sorry, are youOK? I shouldn't have left you alone without a car. You haven't had any contractions today, have you?"

"Please don't worry about me! I'm fine, no contractions. Just take care of Edward. Send anyone that needs a place to stay to me. Let me know if you need _anything_ and don't even think about the car. Garrett has a key; he can drive my car home tonight."

"Thanks, Kate. You're an amazing friend."

"Stay strong, Bella," she said softly.

"I will!" I said firmly and disconnected to instantly call my Dad and Elaine at the hotel.

It went to the hotel message service.

"Dad, it's me. I'm at Vancouver General Hospital. I'm OK but Edward has a broken leg. I'll call you later. Please don't worry."

_I'll call them again when Edward is conscious._

I took in deep calming breaths and stood, I needed to be closer to Edward, so I stepped forward. I leaned over him, my nose touched his cool cheek, and I inhaled and exhaled slowly.

"I love you, so much. _Please_, Edward I need you. Come back to me." I whispered.

I combed my fingertips through his soft hair, trying hard not to touch the bandage around his head.

I knew Alice was right; there would be no other man for me. I planned to be with him forever. I wanted it all. I wanted Edward, marriage, and our own family. He _was _going to be OK. There was no way that I would lose him, not now that I'd made a promise; a life with each other. I _refused _to think of any scenario that didn't have him with me.

_We'll be old and grey and we'll look back on our lives with happiness._

"Edward. I love you. I need you to heal, so we can be together. I can almost see our life and I want to start living it."

~0~

Alice and Angela fussed over my appearance for what felt like ages. I simply tried to zone out, and calm myself.

I'd always been the girl in the corner, the shy wallflower. _Bookworm Bella._

Now, I was less than five minutes away from standing in front of a few hundred of Edward's inconsolable fans that had gathered outside in the hospital parking lot.

I could feel a fluttering in my tummy when I thought about the global audience from the dozens of television cameras.

I wasn't prepared. I was pretty much petrified.

It wasn't from acknowledging that I was with Edward, no, it was the thought of standing there, with hundreds, thousands, _millions _of eyes on me.

Scrutiny, I had always shied away from it.

But almost everything had changed in my life when I'd arrived in Vancouver. Actually everything in my life had changed since I won the writing prize. It was kinda surreal—all of it.

Even the fact that these two girls that were here primping me had become amazing friends.

Angela had invited me into her home and out with her friends, she accepted me without any fuss and discussed Edward with me. She included me in her life, freely and with such warmth and friendship. She'd made me feel so welcome.

And Alice; I met her only a handful of hours ago and she basically told me she'd been waiting to meet me for almost eight years!

I'd never felt so unconditionally accepted or appreciated. Even Kate had become such a wonderful friend and confidant in the short time I'd known her.

_Why am I worried about what other people think of me? Do I care? _

Edward was alive. He wanted to be with _me_. I needed to be with him. No one else mattered, except my immediate family, my new friends and Edward's family, who were due to arrive at the hospital in less than an hour.

"You look very presentable," Alice said happily.

She turned my shoulders towards the mirror.

Angela had styled my hair into a fishtail braid that hung stylishly messy over my left shoulder.

Alice had touched up my face just with a little mascara, and pale pink lipstick. It looked natural and not overdone.

"Thank you both. I don't know how I could have coped without you."

We shared a group hug. The energy I felt by being close to these wonderful women, and the shared love that we all felt for Edward, seemed to give me an inhuman strength.

"Whenever you're ready, Bella. I'll just be there standing next to you. You read the statement, and then we come back inside. The media representative from the hospital will take over after that," said Alice.

"I just need to see Edward first. Angela, will you stay with him, while we're gone? I would hate for him to wake up with no one by his side."

"Of course, Bella. I won't leave him alone," assured Angela.

I walked quickly from the bathroom back to Edward's bedside.

I kissed his lips and brushed my fingers lightly down his neck.

"Your parents are on their way here," I whispered. "I want to be introduced to them, _officially_. But I want _you _to be the one to do it..." I smiled as I repeated Alice's phrase.

I placed my lips on his, ever so gently. The love we shared rippled over my skin like a million tiny goosebumps. I could feel the air pass between his lips in a shallow breath; his mouth was warm, soft and sweet, and I was so overwhelmed with relief.

_Life's too short; recognize what you want and run with it. He's alive. We're going to make a life together. _

Everything else seemed so unimportant.

I really didn't care what the tabloids and gossip sites wrote about me, or whether Jessica freaked out. All I needed to know was that Edward would recover, and that I would get the chance to be in his life. To love him, support him and know that he loves and wants me.

"_Please_, Edward…come back to me. _Please_..."

"We can't be apart."

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I could hear my heartbeat echoing back to me as if amplified by an electronic device.

The pain in my leg was throbbing now, almost like a metronome in time with the beep. The black nauseating fog still swirled around in my minds eye, as I tried to force my eyes to open.

My heart rate seemed to increase and I was more conscious of the hard mattress underneath me. Something sharp was stuck in the back of my hand and a sterile scent wafted through the air—that could only mean that I _was _in a hospital.

When I cracked my eyes open, the sting of the light was too much. I couldn't focus, and then someone stood over me, blocking the bright fluorescence overhead. My nose twitched; I could feel tubes. I blinked a few times to try and clear my blurred vision.

"Bella." I tried to say, but it sounded like a groan instead.

Long dark hair, pale skin.

But when my eyes focused on the girl standing over me that looked panicked and yet smiling, I was torn in two.

"Angela?"

"Edward, thank goodness… I'll call the nurse," she said quickly and reached for something out of my line of vision.

"We've been so worried! Everyone is going to be so relieved."

_Bella's not here. Was that a dream, or did I...have I even met her? Was she just an illusion?_

"Bella," I croaked in lament. My eyes watered, and tears streamed out.

"Edward, Bella's been here for hours. She just left less than a few minutes ago with Alice. They'll be back before you know it," Angela reassured me.

_She's here? She wasn't just a dream?_

Angela stepped forward and held my hand. She lightly dabbed my tear-streaked cheeks with a Kleenex.

"She's here? She's with Alice?"

"Yes, she was—"

Angela stopped speaking when a nurse quickly entered the room.

"Mr. Cullen, you've caused quite a stir! How are you feeling?" she said cheerily and checked my pulse.

"My leg..." I croaked. My mouth was dry.

"You have a broken leg and a minor skull fracture. Do you feel dizzy? Do you have a headache or feel nauseous?"

"Yes, I feel sick," I said.

The nurse busied herself swapping the bag on my I.V.

"If you need more meds for the pain, please just _call _me," she winked suggestively then removed the tubes from my nose and offered me a cup full of crushed ice. The overhead light dimmed.

"I'll let the Doctor know you're conscious," she said with a smile and then left the room.

"Where is she? Where's Bella?" I asked.

I needed to see her, to know she was real, and assure myself that the surreal dream was just that—a _dream_.

"Bella and Alice are making a statement to the press. You've been unconscious for hours. There are more than a hundred of your fans outside. Bella wanted them to know that you were going to be fine. Alice spoke to your lawyer to make sure it was OK. They'll be back in a few minutes."

I took in a huge breath. My ribs hurt.

_Bella is with Alice, in front of the media?_

"Your Mom, Dad and Jasper are on a flight. They should land soon. Emmett's going to pick them up from the airport. I need to text him to tell him you're awake. I don't think he's left the hospital yet."

Angela still held my hand as she stared at her phone and texted with one hand.

I closed my eyes. All I wanted was Bella. I couldn't even imagine that she could be standing in front of my fans and the _leeches_ right now. But a huge part of me was relieved. I didn't want her to be a secret. I loved her, and I wanted everyone to know.

_I need to propose to her right away! I'm not going to let anything else happen to delay making it known that she _is_ the only one!_

I felt the sudden gust of air and I opened my eyes to see Emmett striding into the room.

"Thank fuck you're awake! Rose has made herself sick with worry," he stated.

"Um, I'll go and make sure Alice and Bella know you're conscious, OK, Edward?" said Angela as she squeezed my hand and then hurried out of the room.

I stared at Emmett. "_Rosalie_ is the reason I'm in here."

Emmett looked behind him, I assume to ensure that the door was closed.

"I know, but I've spoken to her. She told me some things, and well, there's no excuse for what she did, but I'm starting to understand why she is..._the way_ she is."

I was done with Rosalie Hale. At that point in time, I couldn't give a damn about her, and I sure as hell didn't care what lies she told Emmett to make him feel sorry for her. I couldn't even think about what it would be like to actually have to get back to the set and eventually finish the film. The thought was making me feel sick in my stomach, and I wondered how long it would take for the meds to take effect.

"I just want Bella. I need her here, as soon as she's finished...I just can't..."

I was out of breath. It felt like I had some pretty bad bruising across my chest.

The pain in my leg surged as I tried to shift my weight and move to a more comfortable position on the hard mattress.

"Edward, Rosalie told me what you argued about before she fell," he said.

"You mean before she unlatched her harness and decided to risk both our lives?" I corrected him.

I watched as his face wrinkled with distress. "Yeah, she's really sorry about that."

"I'm sureshe's extremely _contrite_," I said without eliminating my sarcasm.

"OK, it's a bad time to talk about this, but we'll have to, eventually." he stated.

I didn't acknowledge his words. I couldn't talk to him about Rosalie. It seemed like _everything_ was about her. It was incomprehensible to me that Emmett—my friend and bodyguard—was standing next to my hospital bed trying to justify _her _actions. If it weren't so ludicrous, I would have started laughing. Rosalie was still manipulating people and only thinking about herself. She didn't care who she hurt in the process. I didn't want to even think about her now, or acknowledge that she'd basically been rewarded for her behavior! She'd finally hooked Emmett into her clutches!

_I can't fucking believe it! _

I just needed to see Bella.

"I'm gonna go and get your parents and Jasper. We can talk about Rose later. I'm glad you're OK."

He walked forward and placed his hand on my arm. I knew Emmett well enough to know he meant it, and I couldn't stay angry with him.

"Thanks."

He smiled before he turned and left, and I immediately felt exhausted.

_I need Bella._

~0~

**~~Bella~~**

"Edward!" I whispered as I walked into the room.

Edward's eyes flashed open and he blinked in the dimmed light, searching my eyes, frantic.

"Bella, you're here? Angela, thank you." he croaked.

"Bella," he reached out his hand for me. I rushed to take it; the thin thread that was holding my emotions together snapped and I started crying. I grabbed his hand bringing up to my face, I kissed his fingers and I dragged his clammy hand across my jaw and back over my lips, savoring the feel of him.

His hands cupped my face, his fingers danced in my hair.

"I was so scared..." I tried to lower my face, but he wouldn't let me. He was staring into my eyes. I couldn't focus on his features, the tears were blurring my vision, and I could still see the ghost of the hundreds of strobing camera flashes that had practically blinded me when I gave the statement.

"Bella, _please_, I love you," he sighed and closed his eyes.

Edward pulled me down, his lips gently brushing against mine. "I'll tell you everyday. I love you. I'm in love with you and I only want to be with you," he whispered.

Edward kept kissing me. Slowly and gently, soft kisses on my mouth. It was sublime. I swear I could feel the emotion of love pass between our lips. Everything was right again; everything was going to be OK.

I eventually forced myself to pull away from his mouth, when I heard Alice cough, in a very unsubtle way.

Edward smiled and let me retreat.

"Alice, I need it now. _Right now_." he said.

"No way. Not here. I won't let you, it's not...the _right_ atmosphere."

"_Alice_!" he said forcefully.

"Nope. You'll thank me one day. Trust me."

I watched Edward close his eyes. His nostrils flared, he looked frustrated. I had no idea what they were talking about.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I said in a panic. "Are you still in pain? Shall I call the nurse?"

I touched Edward's brow softly. When he opened his eyes, the tension in his expression relaxed.

He sighed and shook his head minutely.

"Alice, Angela, I need to be alone with Bella."

Alice huffed. "Edward, Bella just stood in front of twenty television cameras, about fifty paps and almost three hundred fans to read the statement that she'd written. People are googling her name right now wondering who she is and why she's suddenly materialized as your girlfriend... just let her _absorb _that, OK?"

"You did that?" he asked me.

"Harold said it was OK for me to call myself your girlfriend. You're just not allowed to confirm it, you know, because of your contract," I said.

Edward looked at me in awe. I could feel my cheeks blushing.

"Alice, Angela, thank you. I really need some privacy with Bella." He said.

I tried to calm myself. He didn't look upset, but now I started to feel anxious that I'd done the wrong thing by revealing myself.

Alice walked up to us. "You're so lucky I'm your twin right now!" she said to Edward in mock admonishment.

She kissed his cheek and then wiped off the pink lipstick mark she'd left there. "Don't ever scare Bella like that again!" she said curtly. Then she turned to me and gave me a huge hug.

"Come on Angela, I think we need some strong Canadian coffee!"

As soon as they left the room and the door closed, Edward pulled me towards him.

"You're amazing. Kiss me before I do something stupid, like, try to run after Alice to inflict grievous bodily harm." he said jokingly and then his hand curled around the back of my neck as he gently guided my lips to his.

I was dizzy from Edward's adoration.

I wanted to crawl onto the high hospital bed and lie down with him. Instead I leaned awkwardly over his upper body, trying not to kiss him too forcefully. He still looked tired and weak, and I just knew he was in pain; I could see it in his eyes.

"Do you need more drugs? Does it hurt?" I whispered against his lips. I didn't pull away from him; our faces intimately close.

"No, it doesn't hurt when you're kissing me."

"Edward..."

"Shhh... I need this. I need _you_. You're my happy drug. Didn't you know?"

His hand touched the messy braid that fell over my shoulder. He twirled it over his long fingers and sighed.

"You're sort of beautiful," he smiled and licked his lips.

"You hit your head, you don't know what you're saying," I replied. I tried to keep a straight face, but it cracked almost instantly and then we were both laughing in between soft kisses.

Our closeness meant the world to me then. It wasn't like I'd forgotten that I'd just read a statement to so many anxious people outside, but in that moment when it was just me and Edward, those people didn't exist in my head. They were irrelevant. They were on the periphery of our life, and I wasn't going to invite them in.

The jovial atmosphere between us suddenly turned heavy and this time when Edward kissed me, it was passionate, needy and determined. His tongue pushed into my mouth and he moaned.

All my nervousness and anxiety melted away. Just the taste of his breath and his warm, inviting tongue gave me everything I needed.

I was completely breathless when he eventually pulled away.

"I dreamed about you; about what our life would have been like if we met when we were sixteen. I wanna go back to Forks as soon as we can get away!" he said excitedly.

"We will. Have you forgotten that my dad popped the question to Elaine? November. It's only a couple of months away." I said softly.

Edward caressed my hair and stared into my eyes.

"There's something I have to tell you," he said.

I guessed it was about what Alice had already revealed; her gift, the dream she had when she was sixteen. I hoped it was, but he looked so apprehensive, as if he was unsure about how I would react.

"I already know what you want to tell me," I smiled in reassurance and my forefinger traced lightly over his bottom lip. "Alice beat you to it."

"What did she say, exactly?"

He sounded panicked.

"She told me...about your special _twin_ emotional bond. She told me about how she had a dream about Jasper before she met him, and how she dreamed about your _soul mate_; the girl that was made to be with you." I paused to take in his reaction to the knowledge I held. He looked relieved but still anxious.

"I know it's me," I whispered. "_You are mine, I am yours_," I sang, hoping he recognized the lyrics.

My kiss was soft on his lips. I kept my eyes on his.

"_Let's not fuck around_," he sang back, and kissed me again.

I was elated that he remembered the song from my playlist; the one he'd learned to play on the guitar and that he'd sung to me at the cabin.

"You believe it. You haven't run away, screaming." he sighed softly but without humor; he wanted to be serious.

I nodded my head 'Yes'.

"I wanted to tell you at the cabin, but you said you didn't believe in destiny. I didn't want to risk that you'd pull away from me. I'd fucked up so much—even just serenading you with that song was idiotic—I didn't want to scare you off."

I briefly closed my eyes as I recalled that conversation at the cabin—lying on the bed, dismissing his plea to believe him, to believe that he loved me. The confusion I'd felt back then was so debilitating; Rosalie, Riley, the movie script, Edward kissing me after singing that song to me, all of it.

"Singing to me _wasn't_ idiotic. It's just that I was so confused back then. I'm glad you didn't try to explain Alice's dream. I wasn't emotionally ready to hear it. I wouldn't have understood or believed." I opened my eyes and took in a deep breath.

"I know it's true, now. This feeling..." I touched his cheek and absorbed the blissful buzz that seemed to pulse under my skin, "it only happens with you. I'm sorry I've been so emotionally fragile. I think that maybe it happened for a reason. Does that sound stupid?"

"No Bella, it's not stupid. Definitely not stupid. I think..."

He tried to sit up; the pain on his features made me panic.

"Edward, please let me call the nurse."

"Bella, I love you. I know it's not the most romantic place, or the ideal time, but I can't risk something else going wrong before—"

The door opened and the Doctor walked in. Edward's face twisted into a scowl and his nostrils flared again, he looked so angry at the interruption. I quickly pulled away to stand beside the bed, but I simply couldn't let go of his hand.

"It's good to see you're awake!"

I could see Edward's eyes widen as recognition set in.

"Doctor Gerandy?"

"Well, seems as though you're not suffering from memory loss!" the Doctor bellowed as he checked Edward's chart. "And congratulations on your engagement!" he added.

I watched Edward's face turn from recognition into utter confusion. I was mortified. I shook my head at him, as if to communicate that he should play along. I could feel my face flame up in a heated blush, as I remembered Alice's _white lie_; her introducing me as Edward's fiancée, so I could be by his side.

The Doctor didn't notice me freaking out.

Edward slowly closed his eyes. He looked so upset.

"Thank you," he said. Then he opened his eyes and looked at me and mouthed _'I'm sorry_', as if it was his fault that people thought we were already engaged.

"Your C.T. scan came back clear," said the Doctor, still reading the chart. "Your leg has been properly set, you'll be able to walk with the assistance of crutches. That cast will need to stay on for three to four weeks. You'll need a few sessions of physio, maybe a soft cast, we'll see. You appear to be fit and healthy, so recovery time should be minimal. Nurse VanDale gave you some anti-nausea meds, so you should start to feel better."

"Thank you." Edward said again.

"I hear your father will be here soon."

I looked at Edward and he smiled at me.

"Dr. Gerandy used to be the chief surgeon at Forks General, when I lived there." he said to me in explanation.

I smiled and nodded.

"You know, Edward, your old house in Forks is up for sale. We had some amazing dinner parties there, back in the day. Esme knows how to spoil an old man like me with wonderful food," he chuckled. "Lottie would be delighted if your parents have time to come to dinner with us, while they're here in Vancouver."

Edward gripped my hand tightly at the Doctors words, but didn't say anything in response.

"Now, my advice is to rest, sleep if you can. We'll keep your room darkened. No excessive stimuli. You should stay for a couple of days, unless your father thinks you'll have suitable care elsewhere and can be discharged. Nice to see you again, Edward."

"Thanks Sir," Edward replied and the Doctor left the room.

Edward's eyes lit up as if energized by something. I figured that the pain medication, or whatever the nurse had done, was starting to work.

"We have some time before my parents arrive," he whispered as he pulled me back down to his lips. "Kiss me, Bella. You make me the happiest man alive."

~0~

**~~Edward~~**

I wanted to propose. I didn't want to wait, because I just knew something could go wrong.

Then Dr. Gerandy walked into my hospital room. I couldn't believe it! I had just woken from a dream-state, in which I had basically revisited my life in Forks at age sixteen, and when I woke up, the same man that had been one of my father's closest confidants and mentors was standing in my hospital room.

Dr. Gerandy was one of the main people that had encouraged my father to travel to Sydney, back when I was nineteen. He suggested my father find out first hand what it was like to live and work in Sydney before he made a decision to accept the job he'd been offered there.

He also seemed to think that Bella and I were already engaged, and then he had stated that my old house in Forks was for sale!

The coincidence was not lost on me.

Everything fell into place. _Everything._

"You seem better. Are the drugs working?" Bella whispered and kissed me again.

I knew Alice was right. Bella deserved a romantic proposal, with me on bended knee, not broken and in pain in a hospital ward. I kept kissing her softly, drinking in all her love and affection while the plan mapped itself out in my head.

Bella had basically outed herself to the leeches, and my fans. And she'd done it with Alice's support. She loved me and she wasn't going anywhere. She would meet my parents and Jasper when they got here. I'd already told her father that I planned to spend the rest of my life with her. I could wait for it all to fall into place, because now the vision for our future was solid, almost tangible and overwhelmingly closer to being a reality.

I could see forever in Bella's eyes as we stared at each other. We didn't need to speak. Occasionally the intensity of our gaze would ignite our passion, and we'd kiss, languidly and then frenetically, until we both realized where we were, and the kisses slowed to soft lip touches and warm breaths.

_Everything is perfect now._

~0~


End file.
